Civilian Husband vs Military Husband

February 7, 2011 15 Comments

Ben and I have been married 8.5 years. A little over three of those years we were not in the military. He worked full-time, I worked full-time before we had kids. We lived in California for most of that time. Since joining the military we have lived in Kentucky, Germany and now Tennessee. I have been thinking about how life use to be. Before deployments, before trainings, before chain of commands. This is my list, Civilian Husband vs Military Husband.

My Civilian husband came home at five everyday. My Military husband comes home at different times. Sometimes early, sometimes late.

My Civilian husband could call in sick to work and that was pretty much it. My Military husband has to suck it up or go to sick call.

My Civilian husband and I could plan what to do for Christmas in June. My Military husband and I will not know for sure what is going on for Christmas until maybe two months before if we are lucky.

My Civilian husband could grow his hair as long as he wanted. My Military husband has to get his cut every other week.

My Civilian husband brought home a paycheck. My Military husband has a career he loves.

My Civilian husband was there for every milestone in our son’s first year. He did not have to hear about it in an email or phone call. My Military husband missed almost every milestone in our 2nd little boy’s first year. I had to video tape what I could and write about the rest.

My Civilian husband and I could take off for a trip to anywhere at anytime. As long as we took days off work. My Military husband has to get a pass to travel. It might not always be approved.

I am sure I could go on and on. As you can see life is different as a military family. One of the hardest things about this life is the goodbyes. We try to stay strong but it can be very hard. In these times I try not to think about what it would have been like to have three children with a husband who never had to leave. Instead I have to think of all we have gained from becoming a military family. From the trips we have been able to take, the friends we have met and those amazing homecomings. It gets me through the hard goodbyes we all know we will have too many of.

Have you lived life in and out of the military? Maybe you were military first and now living life as a civilian? I would love to hear what your experience has been

Comments

Pattie says:

February 7, 2011 at 5:09 am

This is an interesting blog post. I have to say that the life of a pastor and the life of a military chaplain are more similar than you've indicated in your own experience–with the exception that my hubby doesn't have to be on call 24/7/365 now that he's in the military…

- juliearmywife says:
  
  February 8, 2011 at 5:38 am
  
  Interesting! I am sure it depends on what your MOS is vs what you did before the military too.
  
Coyeatta says:

February 7, 2011 at 5:36 am

I love this Julie. It's a great life, but hard too. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

- juliearmywife says:
  
  February 8, 2011 at 5:48 am
  
  I think it being hard is what makes the times together that much better
  
Amanda Lagle says:

February 7, 2011 at 6:43 am

It is hard to say goodbye but it is so wonderful knowing my husband loves his job. I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. I will always support my husband no matter where in the world the army sends him.

- juliearmywife says:
  
  February 8, 2011 at 6:08 am
  
  It really is a good feeling knowing your husband is doing what he loves isn't it?
  
Jessica says:

February 7, 2011 at 7:48 am

Great list!
I can identify with so much of what u wrote.

- juliearmywife says:
  
  February 8, 2011 at 6:08 am
  
Amanda says:

February 7, 2011 at 10:12 am

I actually consider my husband to be both civilian and military since he is in the National Guard. I lose him for a weekend a month and 2 – 3 weeks during the summer in addition to any training courses he is required to attend. He almost missed our wedding reception because of a training course that he was sent to at the last minute.

- juliearmywife says:
  
  February 8, 2011 at 6:50 am
  
  You do have the experience of both worlds! Thanks for sharing
  
Kathy says:

February 15, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Hi Julie,

We have been in the Navy for 23 years now and are on our 5th deployment. The end of a year is almost in sight. He is in Kuwait again…not real exciting but it isn't Iraq. I am Ombudsman for our Unit so I get to chat with all of the family members left at home. It has been a good delpoyment so far.

I do miss him when he's gone more than I can express. This deployment has been different than the first four. For all four of the others all four children were here at home. This time our daugher is married and our oldest son lives in New York. So it is just our 13yos and 9yos here at home with me. I didn't realize how much I counted on the older two until everyone left last year. I am the only adult in the house right now. Sure the schedule has tappered off by everyone moving out, but it limits how much I can do with only the two younger ones. So there are pros & cons to both situations. I am just grateful for an awesome hubby who loves me and I love & support him in this career.
I love your Civilian Hubby vs. Military Hubby…boy can I relate!
Kathy

Lindsey says:

March 7, 2011 at 8:58 am

This is why I'm so nervous about planning a wedding! I feel like I'm going to have it all planned and his damn command is gonna be like nope! You're going to the field. I'd probably end up in jail for killing someone if that happened so hopefully it won't! Great list, so true! You're lucky with hair cuts every two weeks.. Our Sundays revolve around the hair cut!

Susan says:

June 13, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Thanks, Julie!
I married a realtor in 2007. I worked as a full-time speech therapist. In 2009, my realtor joined the Army National Guard and became a “citizen soldier.” In 2010, he was commissioned as a 2LT around the time our sweet baby boy turned 6 months old. Now, in 2011, he is on active duty orders to become a blackhawk helicopter pilot! We are loving life living on an Army post! Life is very different, but God is gracious and He is guiding us in this journey. It is a ride indeed. Soldier on, military wives!

Sarah says:

July 7, 2011 at 2:39 am

Great blog. I met my fiancé whilst he was Training. Life was hard and deployment was awful. I hated the military at the time for taking away my man. I knew he loved his job so never tried to persuade him to leave. We get married soon and hope to have children and he has decided he wants to leave the army next year as he says he doesnt want to put me through the pain of deployment again. He says he has fulfilled everything he wanted to do and now wants to concentrate on his family. Me,? I’m happy he’s leaving but a part of me will weirdly enough miss the military, especially when he’s under my feet all day. Can’t win can you….