Why are deployments so hard?

Deployments are hard.  We all know that.  But why?  For me there is not a simple answer.  There is the fear, the loneliness and then the day to day stuff.  I think every spouse that goes through a deployment has experienced all of these.  Maybe some more than others.  We all have to just get through them the best we can.

The fear

Asking yourself the hard questions.  Will he come home?  Will he come home in one piece? Will he be changed or a different person? They have all happened to other people that I know. Some husbands didn’t come home, some were hurt either emotional, physically or both.  Some came home a different person.  We as the spouse worry about it.  We pray and hope it isn’t us but we know it will be someone.  I can’t say I break down about this part everyday.  I do however think about it.  I think about how I would react, what I would do, who I would lean on for support.  It is awful to have to think about but the fear is there.  Nothing we can do to change that.

The loneliness

We miss just being with them.  Talking to them.  Texting with them.  Eating our meals together.  I know I miss telling him about my day, bouncing ideas off of him, asking him what he thinks.  I miss his laugh and his humor.  I miss when he makes me laugh.  It can be pretty sad.  Some days are worse than others.  Not that we stop missing them but some days are just a lot more lonely than others.  Some military spouses PCS to a new duty station right before a deployment starts.  No time to even make any friends before they leave.  It seems though that no matter how many friends you have, how busy you may be, you still have days where you really really miss them and feel very lonely.  I know I have those days.

The day to day

I do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, diapers, watch the kids, take care of the pets, take care of the cars, drive the kids everywhere.  There is no really break in all this.  We are the ones responsible for it all.  We don’t have another person around to share in the duties.  We usually handle all the bills, finances and grocery store trips.  Some of this can be ok, fun and can make us feel more independent.  But after a while it does get old.  There is no, “hey can you stop at the store on the way home and pick up some milk?”  It’s all on us.

The emotions during a deployment are complicated.  We get frustrated and sometimes not even sure why.  Some things bother us more than our neighbor and other things are harder for them.  All we can do is take it day by day, minute by minute if we have to.  And remember, deployments don’t last forever!