Deployments are okay, in theory

Daddy and little boyDon’t get me wrong. I don’t like that my husband has to be away from us. Ideally, that would never ever happen. But since we are an Army family I can understand that they are apart of his job. So when I think about deployments in theory, I am ok with them.

However, in reality…they suck. No better way to describe them then they suck.

In theory I am okay by myself. In reality I miss him, especially at night. Especially when everyone else has gone to bed. That sucks.

In theory I can handle being the single parent. I can get into a nice groove and be okay. In reality I hate not having him home to help me. I hate not seeing him with our boys and I hate that he can’t spend time with them while I get out for some “me” time.

In theory I can handle whatever comes my way, in reality I have breakdown moments and need the support of friends and family to get through it.

Deployments can be a time of growth for the spouse left behind but they are also a time when we can get lonely and sad. I think that is okay. I think when you love someone and they are away from you, you are going to be sad. You hear a lot about “sucking it up” and I do agree we need to as this is apart of our spouse’s job. I also think it is okay to break down, ask for help and just admit that it is hard.

In theory Military spouses can make it through anything. In reality the making through part is sometimes very difficult.

DeploymentsAs I look back at our past deployments I know that I have been through a lot but in-between the saying goodbye and the homecoming I have had a lot of bad and sad days. I have shed a lot of tears and no amount of wishing, hoping or praying was going to prevent that. When I think about a possible deployment #4, I know I can make it through it but at the same time I dread the sad days and the hurt that I feel when I am away from my husband.

I know I can do all the things that help to get through a deployment. I will stay busy, I will make friends, I will make a deployment list and in the end we will hopefully be okay.  Just like we have been in the past.

How do you emotionally get through a deployment? Who do you go to during the hard days?

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About Julie

WAHM of three boys, wife of 12 years, blogger, photography and book nerd.

  • http://www.happyhereblog.wordpress.com Andrea

    This is our first and only deployment and we do not have any kids but wow does it feel like a roller coaster. I get in a good groove and have a great day only to wake up the next morning and have a bad one, thankfully the good days way out number the bad. During the hard times I just have to remind myself I will have a good days again and look at how far we’ve already come. We’ve also started planning what we are going to do during his block leave and I am so excited for it!

  • Jen

    Both times Kyle deployed I tried to find as many things to keep me busy as I could. I would go on long walks, go window shop for hours, take volunteer classes and do everything I could to be out of the house until I went to bed. It helped get through the tough days and made things a little easier.

  • http://whateverp48.blogspot.com Kristi

    I really like this post. It stinks! And theory and reality don’t always work out but I hope that I always do what it takes to reach for the “in theory” angle and try to not live in the depressing realities. That’s the plan anyway. Today was a lot of reaching for a better perspective and mostly missing it.
    Kristi recently posted..A Very Important Question

  • http://fromcitezentosolderandback.wordpress.com/ Kevin Blake

    I have been On two deployments and i know thet are not that eazy on eatherside of the deployment. I have had my own issues to get through i also know that everyone has different experiances and i would like to share my story and hope that i can help others through their problems and move forword.
    Kevin Blake recently posted..Looking Forward

  • Mj

    Ugh this post just saved my sanity. I think that I must be the only spouse that thinks this way and all the other ones are rocks of solidarity. I usually am, but today is one of those angry shouting at the walls kind of day. I am working through it and I think it’s ok to be angry but what is even better is to know there are so many of us that go through this at least we truly aren’t alone.