Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like that my husband has to be away from us. Ideally, that would never ever happen. But since we are an Army family I can understand that they are apart of his job. So when I think about deployments in theory, I am ok with them.
However, in reality…they suck. No better way to describe them then they suck.
In theory I am okay by myself. In reality I miss him, especially at night. Especially when everyone else has gone to bed. That sucks.
In theory I can handle being the single parent. I can get into a nice groove and be okay. In reality I hate not having him home to help me. I hate not seeing him with our boys and I hate that he can’t spend time with them while I get out for some “me” time.
In theory I can handle whatever comes my way, in reality I have breakdown moments and need the support of friends and family to get through it.
Deployments can be a time of growth for the spouse left behind but they are also a time when we can get lonely and sad. I think that is okay. I think when you love someone and they are away from you, you are going to be sad. You hear a lot about “sucking it up” and I do agree we need to as this is apart of our spouse’s job. I also think it is okay to break down, ask for help and just admit that it is hard.
In theory Military spouses can make it through anything. In reality the making through part is sometimes very difficult.
As I look back at our past deployments I know that I have been through a lot but in-between the saying goodbye and the homecoming I have had a lot of bad and sad days. I have shed a lot of tears and no amount of wishing, hoping or praying was going to prevent that. When I think about a possible deployment #4, I know I can make it through it but at the same time I dread the sad days and the hurt that I feel when I am away from my husband.
I know I can do all the things that help to get through a deployment. I will stay busy, I will make friends, I will make a deployment list and in the end we will hopefully be okay. Just like we have been in the past.