Deployments, trainings and random weeks when they are gone can be difficult for us Army wives. We try to stay strong but we still have days and nights that are pretty difficult. We stay as busy as we can but even so there are days when we miss them too much. When it feels like everything is wrong and that life will never be full again. Days when you just want to stay in your pjs and watch sad movies all day long.
There are reminders all around us that we are missing someone important. From seeing families together to remembering you are the only one that will be taking the trash out the night before garbage day. Little bits of life that remind us of what we miss and what we are lacking at that moment.
People tell me I am strong. That they could never do what I do. That when their husband is gone for one night they have a hard time. I bet if my husband was only gone for one night I would have a hard time too. Because, as an Army wife I struggle through the separations not because I am a super kind of woman, not because I don’t really miss my husband but because I know this is his job, because I love him and because I know that it is what I have to do as his wife.
If I could wave a magic wand, he wouldn’t ever have to go anywhere. I wouldn’t have to play Mom and Dad. I wouldn’t have to tell my little boys that it is just going to be us for a while. I wouldn’t have to worry that I might have to go weeks without talking to my best friend and love of my life. That would be nice. But for us, right now in the year 2013…we have to deal with being apart. I have to tell my little boys it is going to be okay and Daddy will be home soon. I will have to play Mom AND Dad for a bit and suffer through the loneliness that comes with all of this.
I hate acting like life is hard and sometimes it really isn’t but having my husband gone for any amount of time gets to me. I like having him around. I like hearing his voice. I like seeing him with my boys. So while I can be strong and make it through whatever separations the Army wants to put us through, I don’t think I will ever really get used to it. I don’t think I will ever hit a point where it is normal. But I think that is probably a good thing.
As I look ahead at 2013 I try not to think about how long it might be. I try not to think about all the holidays and all the stuff he is going to miss. But let’s face it, that is hard.
Such is the life of an Army Wife…waiting, praying and hoping for the strength to get through each day.