Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it was actually a really good day. This is not usually the case for me. Last year was good but the previous four or five were not good at all. No matter what I did I couldn’t make it into a good day for myself. My husband was gone and I missed him. It is really hard have a special day when you have young children who can’t quite pull anything together to make the day special for you.
And so it goes with deployments and holidays. A sense that you can never really make it right because your spouse is gone. Whether it is Mother’s Day or Christmas. It doesn’t matter. You feel let down. You see people posting about what they did that day. How they spent it with their family. How no one was missing. You feel jealous and wish it was you who was experiencing the holiday that way. Instead you might have spent it alone, you might have decided to not do typical celebrations. It might just feel too hard.
Holidays during a deployment can be a cruel reminder of what we are missing out on. It can be a frustrating thing. I usually find myself wanting to just rush through it. Wishing the day would end and that we could get back to “normal” life again soon. When you have children you do what you can to make that day special for them, even if it is hard. You don’t want them to miss out because you are feeling sad about it.
As hard as I have tried to make certain holidays nice when he is gone, I can never make it as nice as when he is home. Even if I have fun that day, even if we have some nice memories. And that is just the norm when it comes to deployments. It is something we Military spouses have to deal with.
The one thing to remember is that whatever holiday they are missing, they might be home to celebrate it with you the next year. This is something I can tell myself to get me through those hard holidays. That deployments don’t last forever and that we will have family time again in the future. That although one year will be hard, the next won’t be.