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I Didn’t Think I Could Do It Either

download (16)As Military spouses we often hear the phrase, “I could never do it” when talking about a deployment or time as a Military spouse. It is not meant to be anything but a compliment (in most cases) but it still stings. Why? Because for a lot of us it sometimes feels like we can’t do it either. That feeling is a horrible one. When you know what is in front of you and you really don’t think you are strong enough to get through it. I have felt this way many times during the last few years.

When my husband first wanted to join the Army, I thought that I could never handle being a solo parent. It felt like an insane idea.

When my husband’s first deployment was rumored to be extended, I thought I couldn’t go past a year. It was too much to handle.

When we found out my husband was going to deploy for a year 365 days after he got home from that 15 month deployment, I didn’t think I could handle that.

When I knew I had to fly back to Germany from California with two little boys, I didn’t think I could do it.

Somehow, I was able to actually do all of these things. They were not easy and there were a lot of tears and a lot of prayers said.

We are now 11 weeks into this deployment and it has been one of the hardest periods of time for me. There have been so many tears and prayers said. I feel like I am running a race and as I watch everyone else run by, I am on my hands and knees with bandages trying to make it to the end. It has not been pretty.

So yes I am doing it, but I don’t like it, it isn’t fun and I wish I didn’t have to.

So I think when someone says “I could never do it” to me, they don’t realize that if they were in my exact shoes and love their husband, they would do it too. Maybe it would be easier for them, maybe it would be harder but they would be doing it too.

On the other hand there are people who can’t get through the hard stuff. They just give up. Not all Military spouses stick around. Not all parents stay with their kids. Some people need a lot of help and others can’t seem to find it. Not everyone is able to go through every situation with a smile on their face.

I think when we see someone else going through a really hard time we think that they are made out of something different than we are. But the truth is we are all human and we all have our struggles. This deployment is kicking my butt right now and while someone else might not be able to imagine how I live without my husband around, I might not be able to imagine how they get through one of their own struggles.

I try to keep all of this in mind as I get through each deployment day.

Have you ever been through a situation you didn’t think you could handle? How did you cope?

 

 

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  • http://goingreenjourney.blogspot.com/ Lauren @ Going Green: Our Army Adventure

    Mhmm. Agreed. We all get though only the best way we know how, head down, trudging through and when we finally start to forget that we’re Wonder Womaning, someone comes along to remind you how hard it is. It’s a rough situation, and it’s not for everyone, we can do this, and end up far better and more appreciative of our time for it! You’ll be alright! :)

  • http://engagedtothearmy.wordpress.com Malori

    Julie, I totally agree. I have gotten that “I could never do it” or “I don’t know how you do it” from people, and I think “You love your husband, right? So YES, you could do it.” Maybe that is snarky of me to think, but everything you’ve written is true.

    Hang in there!! You are doing a great job! *Hugs*
    Malori recently posted..Deployment: It’s a Balancing Act

  • http://arngspouse.blogspot.com Amanda

    Yep… you do what you’ve got to do to get it done. When my husband was gone for a 6 week assignment, our son had just turned 11 months and within the first week of his departure our hot water heater exploded and day care caught on fire. In addition, a lot of crap was going on at my job. Toward the end of the 6 weeks I just needed to vent and get it out of my system. Well, the person on the receiving end, who was supposed to be my best friend, says “I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle all that.” What?? That is why following blogs like yours really do help to know that other military spouses aren’t Superwomen and I just can’t cut it. We’re all just trying to get through our day :)
    Amanda recently posted..Caught in Between

  • http://www.lifewiththelieutenant.blogspot.com Jenn

    I’ve heard people say that line too, and while I do think most mean it as a compliment (or just to have something to say maybe?), it does sting sometimes too. Love the way you explained it here. You have been in my prayers lately, Julie!!
    Jenn recently posted..Molly’s first ponytail