Why Military Wives Don’t Ask For Help
“Just let us know if you need anything.”
As a Military spouse, I have heard this phrase from many different people. It is a great thing to hear. When you hear it you now know you have someone to call if you need to. It is so great that people want to help.
But here is the thing…
Most Military spouses don’t ask for help, even if we could use it.
We want to be able to take care of the home, the kids, the money, the yard and everything that comes up all by ourselves. We will never let that person know if we do need something if we feel we can kinda handle it ourselves. There is just something hard about asking for something specific. It is hard to say, “Hey, I need someone to mow my lawn because I just can’t seem to do it right.” or “Would you mind watching my kids while I take myself out to dinner? I really need a break.” or “I need someone to fix my fence. It is broken and I can’t afford to pay someone to do it.”
The list can go on and on. We feel like by asking for specific things we are asking too much. Or maybe it is because we don’t really believe the person telling us to ask. We might just assume they are just saying that and don’t really expect us to call.
I will admit. I hate asking for help. I try to do it myself first. I will always try to do it myself first.
When my husband was deployed the last time I had to mow the lawn all summer long. This was hard and every time I did it I would burst into tears when I was done. For some reason, it was very hard for me. At the end of the mowing season, I hired a company to come out and do it because I couldn’t imagine asking anyone. They had their own lawn to mow, right? And the last time I had asked someone was when I was going out of town for the summer and they didn’t end up doing it. So I would never ask. I would do it myself or I would hire someone to do it for me. It is just how I am.
There have been a few times when I HAD to ask for help. There was no other option. In those times I was thankful that I had people to ask. It’s a hard thing to do. To admit you do need help and to ask for it.
We want to be brave. We want to be strong. We do not want to be seen as weak.
But what I have been learning the last few months is that some people want to help, they really really do. They don’t know how to help you unless you tell them. I have seen people willing to cut our grass or help with the lawn. To bring us fans when our air went out. To offer a shoulder to cry on when I just didn’t think I could make it another day. We are brave and we are strong but we are not superhuman and sometimes we do need extra help. We are doing the work of two people. It would be impossible to get everything right all of the time.