Marriage During Deployment

Marriage during deployment…how do deployments affect your marriage?

I think it depends. I think a deployment is a hardship for any marriage. Some marriages grow stronger because of it and others fall apart.

But how do you work on your marriage when your loved one is half a world? How do you make time for each other when you don’t get to talk to each other often? How do you make it work?

Somehow we have been able to make it work. It is a frustrating feeling to go from always being able to talk to my husband to be limited to when he can contact me. We might talk for five days in a row and then he is gone for four days. That is just how deployment works. There is nothing normal about your marriage when your husband is away from you. You have to adjust and get through it.

Trust is huge when it comes to a deployment.

He has to trust me. I am out here in the real world with access to everything. He has to be able to trust that I am not going to cheat on him, spend all his money or do something I shouldn’t. My husband knows me well and knows he has nothing to worry about. He knows that as hard it is for me to get through a deployment, he is my husband and I will always act like I am married.

I have often felt like there is an invisible thread that connects us. We can’t see it but we have to believe it is there.

Trying not to take things personally is another way to help your marriage during a deployment. It can be easy to assume that his tired tone is really him not being interested in what you have to say. Most likely he has been out on a mission, up for too many hours and can’t give you his all. Just try to remember how he is normally and understand that things are weird at the moment.

 

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You want to be open with your husband but you are also being told he doesn’t need to hear about all your troubles. I honestly think this advice depends on your spouse and what they can handle. Some people can handle it, others can’t if they want to focus on the mission. This would be at good thing to talk to them about before they deploy. Ask them what they want to hear about. Ask them which problems they want to know about and which problems they would prefer not to hear about during the deployment.

Marriage during deployment is a strange thing. Sometimes it feels like you are “unmarried.” You know you have a spouse, you know you are loyal to them but you just do not feel like a married person for a period of time. It can get exhausting and disappointing but try to remember that it won’t be that way forever.

As the deployment comes to a close you might become nervous about what to expect and if your spouse will be the same person when they return. The truth is that it is different for everyone. How they handle war, what the first few weeks back looks like and how they will be after they return. It is important to be there for your spouse as much as possible.

Do you have any tips about how to work on your marriage during a deployment?

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About Julie

WAHM of three boys, wife of 12 years, blogger, photography and book nerd.

  • http://greenmtngirl.com Kara, The Green Mtn Girl

    Totally agree with you about trust.

    I think the one thing people need to keep in mind when it comes to deployments or any sort of separation is that distance makes things harder. It’s so easy to misinterpret a message or email and blow everything out of proportion. When that happens you just need to realize it, and let it go.
    Kara, The Green Mtn Girl recently posted..A Vermonter’s Guide To Winter Driving

  • http://hurryupandwaitusmc.blogspot.com Miranda Pridgeon

    You nailed it on the head with the blurb about trust. It is so important!
    Miranda Pridgeon recently posted..My Holiday Wishlist

  • http://www.hippyfitmom.com Amber Turner

    Hi! Girl I hear ya! My husband and I got married right before he deployed….which happens a lot. It was hard….really hard. You would think we would not have as many problems as we had because he was not around…but we did! Not only does he have to trust me, but I have to trust him. I know of things that have happened that I would not even think was possible…but if there is a will there is a way I suppose. Military marriage is hard. One piece of advice I received in premarital counseling that I will never forget was to never put yourself in situations where things can happen. Why? Because we are ALL imperfect human beings…temptation is real no matter how strong or in love we are. So we just need to surround our world with positive and good things…both parties.
    Amber Turner recently posted..Dan Lucie posted an update: Some of the best companies are also making coordinating […]

  • http://Handlingwithgrace.com Jamie

    It’s amazing how some couples are able to thrive during deployment and some just crumble. Deployments are definitely hard on marriage but certainly not impossible.
    Jamie recently posted..Snow day fun (?)

  • http://www.chambanachik-live.blogspot.com Erika

    I have no idea how to get the trust thing to work better for us. It’s huge.
    Erika recently posted..Christmas Giveaway #9: {Erin Condren $50 Giftcard}

  • http://www.hopengriffin.com Hope N. Griffin

    Trust is definitely a biggie. I also think keeping the lines of communication open as much as possible. Including the one who is deployed in decisions while he/she is gone is also a great way to make sure they feel valued and a part of the family.
    Hope N. Griffin recently posted..Our Sons and Daughters – If you have ever loved a soldier you will understand this WWII mom