Dealing With Jealousy When You Are A Military Spouse can be a difficult thing to have to deal with…
In November of this year, I will hit ten years as a Military spouse. 8.5 years Active duty, 1.5 years National Guard. In this time I have experienced a lot of emotions. Happiness during homecoming. Sadness during a deployment. Getting excited over a new duty station or promotion. Loneliness when a friend moves away. There are a lot of different emotions we feel during the time that our spouse is serving in the Military. One emotion that we can feel, even if we don’t want to, is jealousy.
This can happen when you least expect it. It can happen over a deployment schedule, a promotion, a pcs or just life in general. You can be happy for someone and still feel that green-eyed monster over what it is that is happening to them that isn’t happening to you. It can be hard when you are waiting for something to happen, and it happens to someone else first.
I have felt this way over the years. I feel bad when I do. I have felt this way when I felt like my husband was always deploying and others were not. I have felt this way when waiting for my husband to get a promotion. I have felt this way when someone else seemed to be holding it together better than I was. I have felt this way over little silly things that I would never want to share with anyone.
Jealousy happens, but it is what we do with it that matters.
One big lesson I have learned over the last ten years is that the Military isn’t fair. Some people deploy more than others. Promotions don’t always happen even if it feels like they should and some people get better duty stations then others. Sometimes you are going to be surrounded by good friends and other times you will be the lonely one still trying to make new friends since you old friends moved away. It is one big cycle.
Some years are going to be better than others. That is the nature of Military life.
If you are feeling jealous of someone else, know that it can happen, especially in Military spouse life when we know so much about what other people are doing. When our community is so small. Maybe your husband just left again, and theirs just got home, and that is causing you to feel jealous. Think about the times when you were experiencing what they were. Think about how you will be in their place in the future. Try not to let it get to you and remember that by the time you are getting ready for homecoming, they could be getting ready to send their spouse off again.
Think about everything you have and how lucky you are. Remember that even if it feels like everyone else has more than you do, others have less. There is always someone going through something worse.
Try not to let jealousy rule you. Focus on what is going well in your life and work on what you don’t like. Let go of anything you don’t have control over. It simply isn’t worth your energy if you can’t do anything about it anyway.
Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you do about it when the green-eyed monster hits?
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