The One Thing Your Marriage Needs To Survive A Deployment
Trust is so important for any couple, military or not. You have to be able to trust the person you are spending your life with. You have to. If you don’t have trust, you are going to have problems.
Within a military marriage, this is even more important. You are going to spend a lot of time apart, oceans apart in some cases. You will go days without talking, sometimes weeks. You might have to go a whole year without living in the same house. Trust is the number one thing you need to survive a deployment.
Trust Is A Must
Without trust, your imagination can take hold of you. Is he really on a blackout or does he just not want to talk to me? Is he spending all his free time with someone else or is he really that busy? Is there a reason he is always online but never calls me? Is he messaging someone else? I think most military spouses struggle with these thoughts when their husband is gone. It can be hard to live apart. Your brain plays tricks on you. You have to struggle to not think the worst sometimes. But this is why trust is a must. You have to be able to trust that your spouse is going to be loyal to you. That they have your heart in their heart. You have to believe this is true. So when those thoughts pop into your head, you can push them aside. So you remember that your spouse does really care for you and although he can’t always contact you and can’t be everything you need at the moment because of his job, he still loves and cares for you.
They Need To Be Able To Trust You
The trust I am talking about goes both ways. You don’t want your spouse to have to worry that you are not being faithful to him while he is away. From his point of view, you have access to the whole world. He has to be able to trust you. Trust that you will be faithful, that you won’t spend all of the money, that you won’t leave him. This doesn’t mean you have to be stuck in your house seeing no one else for the time he is gone. It just means that you want to be smart with your time and know your own relationship. Be someone that your husband does not have to worry about.
Talk Through Your Struggles
Every couple has struggled. Both civilian couples and military couples. This is just something you have to work through. If trust is your issue, you need to talk through that, before they leave for a deployment or other training. You want to be on the same page. You want to know that you can both trust each other. You want to recognize your weak points and work through them.
It could be that you worry so much that you let that worry take over and although your spouse is being trustworthy, you have a hard time believing them. This could be because of something that happened in the past or just the way your personality works. Either way, work through that.
Sometimes You Can’t Trust Them
Sometimes your worries about trust are important to listen to. Sadly, not everyone is trustworthy. Not everyone tells the truth and some people, both the military member and spouse don’t act the way they should during a deployment. If this is you, reach out. Reach out to a good friend that you trust, talk to a Chaplain or Military Family Life Consultant. Make an appointment with a counselor. Or if you can, talk about your thoughts with your spouse.
The bottom line is that you know your own marriage and what your struggles are. Work on the trust issue and understand how important it is. When they are home, work on your marriage so when they have to leave again you will be in a much better place.
Trust in a military relationship is an invisible thread. One that you can’t see but that connects you to each other. You have to believe it is there and you have to believe that the other person is holding onto it too. Without that thread, the deployment is going to be even harder than it needs to be.