When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment
There is never such a thing as a good deployment. I don’t think very many spouses jump for joy when they hear the news their soldier will have to deploy. There is a lot of sadness that comes with the news. However, there can be deployments and there can be really bad deployments.
Some deployments are really bad because they are too long.
Some deployments are really bad because more than a few people lose their life or come home injured.
Some deployments are really bad because they come at the worst possible time for that particular family. Whether it is because of a child or a marriage or something else.
Some deployments are really bad because you don’t feel emotionally ready for them to begin.
Some deployments are really bad because you never thought that this deployment would happen.
Whatever the reason, starting a really bad deployment can hit you emotionally. These deployments can cause a lot of pain and tears.
So what do you do if you are in this situation?
What should you do when the orders have been cut, you know when they are leaving, and you feel like you just can’t deal with everything?
1) Find a battle buddy. You need one. It doesn’t have to be someone who is also going through a deployment but that can help. Find someone you can call at 11 pm at night because your 2-year-old has a 104 fever and you need someone to watch your three other kids.
Find someone you can go to coffee with. Find someone who will not judge you and you will walk with you through the whole deployment. If you are new or all your friends moved away, go places where you can meet people. MOPS, PWOC, FRG, book club or even the gym are perfect places to make new friends.
2) Start to see a counselor. This is what I had to do. I had never been to one before but when I felt the floor falling underneath me at the thought of my husband deploying again, I knew I had to go.
You can easily do this through Tricare. They pay for at least eight visits, maybe more. Go to Military One Source for more information. Don’t feel any shame in this at all. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to about everything going on in our lives.
3) Make plans. Fill up your calendar. Plan a trip, plan a visit home, plan to start classes or something else you have always wanted to do. You are going to need to stay busy. The busier you are, the better things will be. If you can have things in place before they even leave, all the better.
4) Cry when you need to. I think sometimes Military spouses feel they need to be strong every hour of every day. The truth is, we need to let it out sometimes.
After the kids go to bed, have a good cry, write in your journal, grab a glass of wine and turn on a fun movie. It is okay to be sad about this. Deployments are hard and they are not any fun. Cry when you need to. Doing so will be good for you.
Deployments can be hard on people. They can seem too overwhelming and something you wish would just go away. The fact is, if you are married to someone in the Military, they will be part of your life eventually. The best thing to do when faced with one is get prepared as much as you can. Hopefully, these tips can help you get ready for your next time of separation.
What would you add to this list?