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Fears of a Military Wife

January 17, 2012 9 Comments

Bible verseHave I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

I think this verse in Joshua is my life verse. Whenever I get fearful of things, worried about things or wonder how everything will work out, I should read this verse. It was funny, when I was pregnant with my own little Joshua and worried about a few things, I kept coming across this verse. It really spoke to me then, through the last deployment and even now.I think anyone who has lived the Military life has been afraid at some point. Deployments can be a very fearful time for us. We worry about the worst happening, we worry they will get hurt, we worry they will come home a different person. We try not to. We try to be strong, but deep down the worry is there.

We worry about the Military and how things could change. We worry about the Military cutbacks and wonder how they will affect us.

We worry about money. We worry that we won’t have enough.

We worry about our children. We wonder if this lifestyle will hurt them in some way. We worry that we can’t protect them from everything.

The worries really never end do they?

That is why I need to remember to keep praying and reading verses like the one in Joshua. I don’t want to be walking around worrying about everything. I want to embrace this life to the fullest. Worry gets in the way of that.

What do you worry about the most? How do you help yourself not worry as much?

 

9 Comments Filed Under: Army Life, Christian Faith, Deployment, Military Life Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Can deployments make a marriage stronger?

January 10, 2012 4 Comments

CoupleWe have all heard about how deployments can cause divorce. How the stress of going through it all can cause people to break up. But do you think that deployments can also make some marriages stronger? I think in our case they have. We have been through three of them. Each one has been hard it its own way. They were something in our past (and likely future) that we had to get through.

Communication has never been good while he has been deployed. Some of that is because of the logistics of where he was and all of that. The other part of it is something we as a couple struggle with. It makes life really frustrating when I can’t talk to my husband for days and days. I usually was fine going 4-5 days but then I would start to get really frustrated and annoyed by it. I just wouldn’t feel like myself. It was like hearing his voice or even receiving a letter from him rebooted me. I was able to continue on along that deployment road a little bit longer after I heard from him.

I think whenever a couple has to go through a challenging time, they either grow stronger or apart. Every time he has been gone, through all of the difficulties of the separation, we have grown stronger. We know that these deployments will make us stronger people. That is the way we have to look at it. If he is going to be in the Army, he is going to be deployed. There is nothing I can do to change that. I don’t have control over that part. I do have control over my actions and how I respond to him when he is gone. I have to remind myself that he loves me very much, loves our boys very much but that he is also in a very stressful situation. When I remind myself of this, the deployment becomes a tiny bit easier.

We will be celebrating 10 years of marriage in August.  I have been thinking a lot about our life and what we have done the last 10 years.  I have been thinking about what has made us a stronger couple.  And the number one thing that comes to mind is the deployments we have been through.

I am not looking forward to the next deployment.  But when it happens I want to make sure that we see it is as another chance for us to grow as a couple.

What have your experiences been? Have you been able to grow stronger through deployments and separations?

 

4 Comments Filed Under: Army Life, Deployment, Marriage, Military Life Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Christmas when they are deployed

December 11, 2011 1 Comment

Christmas pictureHave you ever had a Christmas with a deployed husband?  I am sure most of you have.  It can be very difficult to get through the holidays when your husband is gone.

We have done it twice.  Once in 2005 (although not a deployment, he was in Germany and I was in the US waiting to join him) and once in 2008.  In 2006 we got lucky since I had a baby and they sent him home on R&R over Christmas.

 

Here are some ideas to help make the holiday season a little less lonely:

1) Plan to visit family or have them come visit you.  If you can’t be with your husband on Christmas morning, family might just be the next best thing.

2) If you can’t be with family or don’t want to be, make plans with friends.  This is what we did in 2008.  My parents were coming in January so it was just the boys and I for Christmas.  We had our time opening gifts at home and then we got together with my friend and her kids.  It made for a fun day.  Lots of playtime for the kids and lots of emotional support for us moms.

3) Make a fun gift package to send to your husband.  Check the dates to make sure he will get it in time.  If for some reason you can’t send him something, make him something and save it for him.  Even if he is going to get home in the Spring or Summer, he will still enjoy it.

Christmas picture4) Video tape the festivities.  He may not be able to be there in person but at least he can see how the day went.  Have the kids create a special video message for him too.

5) Think about the military life and how some years you will be apart for certain holidays but the next year you might not be.  Think about the holidays you have spent together.

6) Create new traditions.  Maybe you will save the stocking for later when he is home.  Who cares if it is February?  Have your Christmas a month early if he is leaving right before December.  Don’t worry about celebrating on the actual day.  As military family our lives are not normal, why do our holidays have to be?

7) Remember you are not alone.  I know it is easy to think that you are the only one without your husband during Christmas but it just isn’t true.  There are a lot of other spouses in your shoes.  Some in the military, some are apart for other reasons.  You aren’t the only one, even if it feels like it.

For more tips to get through the holidays, check out the Care.com Interview Series.  Also check out the Care.com Military Families page for a lot of great resources for Military families.

1 Comment Filed Under: Army Life, Christmas, Deployment, Life With Little Boys, Military Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Military Care Package Resource Guide by Justmilitaryloans.com

November 30, 2011 Leave a Comment

A great article from JustMilitaryLoans.com :)

Military Care Package Resource Guide
With 145,000 troops on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan1 there’s no doubt that many will feel the heartache of being away from family and loved ones during the holidays.  Here at Just Military Loans we know the value in any type of gift, but one of the most simple and profound gifts are the kind that travel a long distance.
military care packagesphoto provided by Support Our Military

A Movement Starts With One Person
Katrina Pesek took the time to do this.  As a proud military wife and mother she sent a care package to her husband during his first deployment in Iraq.  After sharing all the goodies with many of his Marines comrades, he told her the shocking news that there weren’t too many other servicemen who receive anything mostly because of high shipping costs.

This statement struck a chord with Katrina. She had just assumed, as most of us probably do, that all of our troops receive care packages. In reality some troops go a 7-12 month deployment without receiving a package filled with some of the small comforts of home. This inspired Katrina to start her own grass roots care package effort called Support Our Military.

It all started in 2009 when she sent extra care packages to her husband which he would distribute to fellow Marines. She continued to do this while she also balanced a full time job, a household, and family.  Over the years, with the help of her community, she has managed to send out 328 care packages to troops overseas.  Like her husband always says, “one care package means more to any deployed service man or woman, than none”.

While she never expects a response, she has received several thank you notes and e-mails from her deployed adoptees. Here is an excerpt from a note she received from a Marine stationed in Iraq:

“We live on a remote outpost 4+ hours from the nearest civilization so we have no way of buying anything and we depend heavily on mail like yours. Which comes 2-3 times a month.  In a war that doesn’t gain much public support in the U.S. it means a lot that we still get so much love from folks like you and all. You really have no idea how much of an impact you make on these Marines. You really help the time pass by and make our deployment easier.”

military care packagesphoto provided by Support Our Military

What’s In A Box
Like this grateful Marine stated it’s hard to get additional supplies. Surprisingly, baby wipes are at the top of the list for most needed items. Not all of our deployed have the luxury of a bathroom or running water so baby wipes are sometimes the only means of a bath. Also foods like cookies, snacks, canned tuna and even hot sauce are highly sought after items as they help break the MRE (meals ready to eat) cycle and offer a small reminder of home.  Click here to find the full list of Care Package Wish List.

How You Can Help
This holiday season Katrina is working on sending a little holiday cheer to our deployed with some special holiday care packages. She plans on raising funds through auctions and the sale of designer jewelry and handbags by Gorjana in order to send out as many holiday care packages as she can.

There are many ways you can get involved:  run donation drives at your place of employment, local church or school, or within your community.  If you’d like to be a part of Support Our Military’s care package effort, they are always accepting donations of wish list items or homemade items. Monetary donations are always graciously accepted as each package costs $12.95 to ship.  Visit their website for more information:  Support Our Military.

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The Independent Army Wife

November 22, 2011 1 Comment

White FlowerI consider myself pretty independent for the most part.  I take care of the bills, the house and the kids.  Not that my husband isn’t there to help when he can.  However, since he is in the Army and gone a lot of the time it all falls on me.  When he is deployed, I am 100% in control of everything.  I have to be.  Sometimes we go more than a week without talking.   I am the one that has to make all of the decisions, or most of them anyways.  All the daily stuff falls to me.  What we do each day, what we eat, when the kids go to bed and everything in between.  I have had to make decisions about preschool, special needs, traveling and what to buy for the home.  Decisions on things that might not have been all up to me if he had never been deployed.

I find it a little confusing because when he gets home I don’t want to be 100% in control anymore but it is a hard thing to let go of.  Does anyone else struggle with this?

1 Comment Filed Under: Army Life, Deployment, Marriage Tagged With: , ,

Time Apart, It just hurts

November 14, 2011 6 Comments

California OceanI was talking to a friend today about deployment times and how long we have to go without seeing our husband.  For us we have gone anywhere from a couple of weeks to 11 months without seeing each other.   We can get through the time apart but when I think about how months and months go by without seeing my husband, I get sad.  We are in a time right now where he is home and will be home for a while but I still think about how it has been in the past.  Sometimes I think, “Did we really go almost a year without seeing each other?  Really?”  Almost as though it isn’t something that could have happened.  It is such a crazy idea.  To have to spend time away from your spouse.  Yet we military wives have to do that.  We have to do it over and over.

I don’t think I will ever really get to a place where I am okay with it.  I can handle it but I will never be okay with it.  It isn’t natural and my heart breaks when we spend too much time apart.  But I am an Army wife and this is what we do.  We go months and months without seeing our husbands.  We live life without him. We do our own thing, make our own choices and become independent.  We have our babies without them near, we send children off to Kindergarten with them an ocean away, we sit alone and watch them graduate.  This is our normal.  At least we have each other to get through it.  We can find friends that are missing their husbands just as much as we miss ours.  We can find the support we need to get through a difficult situation.

What is the longest amount of time you had to be away from your spouse?

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