A while ago I wrote a post called Someday. When I wrote it we were in the middle of our third deployment and I really had no idea if Army life would end anytime soon. Now here we are, almost three years later and the end is in sight.
Even though I am the queen of countdowns, I don’t have any idea how many days we have left. This is strange for me because usually I always know how many days we have left until some major change happens. But with getting out of the Army, I haven’t check the days for a long time. During the deployment I had a counter on my phone, but I took it off a few months ago. I think it is because while I know this is the right direction for our family, I am nervous about it. I don’t want to skip ahead to the end date. We have a lot of things we still need to work out first so I am trying to take each day as it comes.
And really, other than a lockdown the guys had a few weeks ago, things haven’t been too bad Army wise since Ben got home in December. And now Ben is on leave so things are pretty low-key as far as that goes.
I am trying to think about how life will be after the Army. We had a married life pre-Army. But that was a long time ago and we only had one child then. He was also quite young. Things are different now.
At the same time, in 40 years this time in the Army will have only been a small part of our life together. That is hard to imagine but it is true.
I wonder what I will miss when it is over? The other day as I was picking my son up from hourly care, I got a few tears in my eye over it. We have used hourly care since 2006 and soon we will no longer have access to it. That seems so sad to me. I guess it is because it really is something we have used because of being an Army family.
I know I will miss seeing Ben in uniform. It will be odd that I will never again see him come home from work dressed like that. That the uniform will just be a part of our past. Something to show the grandchildren someday.
There are a lot of emotions that go into saying goodbye to this lifestyle. Because that is what it is. I don’t care what anyone else says, the Army has been more than just a job for my husband. It has been something that has affected every part of our lives. It will be a shock to the system to not have that anymore.
It will be nice knowing we have no more deployments in our future. After so many years of him deploying, coming home and hearing about the next deployment soon after, it is so nice knowing all of that is over.
Still, there is a part of me that wonders what it would be like if he was staying it, getting promoted and getting ready to PCS to another duty station. It is only a small part but I also know that is just not the path for us.
Anyone else feel such mixed emotions when it got closer to getting out of the Military?