I Never Planned On Being A Military Spouse

I Never Planned On Being A Military Spouse

I Never Planned On Being A Military Spouse

This wasn’t something I dreamed about or planned for. Even after I had met my husband.

I got married in 2002 to a man who had already served in the military a little over 2 years.  He was only a few years shy of completing his 8 years of service.  He was considered “Inactive Ready Reserve.”  That basically meant he could be called up but the military wasn’t really a part of his life anymore.  When 9/11 happened I did worry that he would get called up and wondered what it would be like to be a military wife but by the time we got married that didn’t seem too likely so I didn’t really think about it anymore. I didn’t see myself as a Military Spouse and did not think that was something that would ever happen.

When I married my husband and thought about the future, the military just wasn’t a part of it.  I never thought that I would parent alone for so long.  I never thought I would go 11 months without seeing my husband. I had been in long-distance relationships in the past and I didn’t want that in a marriage. I didn’t think that should be a part of a marriage. That was for people who were dating, right?

I never thought I would have so much alone time in marriage.  I never thought I would have to worry about my husband in a war.  I remember I had a coworker with a boyfriend who was a marine.  They got married and then he went overseas.  I remember seeing her write love letters and I just couldn’t imagine that kind of life. Military life was not something I was ever going to do. I didn’t think that just three years later, I would be the one to write those love letters to my own husband who was overseas.

I grew up between 2 marine bases and I never thought I would live on a military base or have my own military ID.

Life has not gone how I thought it would.  Sometimes I wonder if all this sacrifice is worth everything we have gone through.  I have met so many wonderful people I would never have if he had never joined the military.  I have seen so many different places I would never have been able to see if he had never joined. I know that our time in the military was the way everything was supposed to be and remembering that can help on the harder days. I can look back and see our whole experience and know we were doing what we were meant to do.

When I married my husband I was not planning this kind of life…but this is the life that I have and all I can do is look at the positives and remember that life hardly ever turns out exactly how you planned it, no matter what you do or what type of job you have.

No, I never planned on being a military spouse but I am and I will do the best I can as I support my husband.

What about you?  How is your life different than you thought it would be? Did you think you would be a military spouse? 

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11 thoughts on “I Never Planned On Being A Military Spouse”

  1. Considering the small part the military played in his life at that time, I wouldn't let yourself feel down about wondering if it's worth it. And don't ever let anyone tell you "you signed up for it when you married him,"

    I tell people all the time, I married the man, not the Marine. Some take great issue with that, but my husband enlisted while we were engaged. I tried my best to support him because what was I supposed to do? Say "Sorry, I can't marry you anymore because you're joining the military." Sometimes sticking with this isn't about being a patriotic wife, loving the marine or the soldier, or even about liking the lifestyle. Some of us really only do this because we love the -man- that much, and not much else. And that's ok, and if that's what makes it worth it, it's enough for me.

  2. I never thought I would have stayed active duty for as long as I did. That was not my intention and I sure didn't think I would marry another military member. Although my life didn't even end up living in the same country much less zip code to where I had planned on it to go, I know that even had things gone at least in the direction I wanted to head, it would have been something else that had pulled me off the yellow brick road. You only can play cards you are dealt, not the four aces you wanted to hold. Great post Julie!

  3. Well, my life isn't really that different than I planned. The only thing different is that I havent gone back to school. I want to go to NP school. But it just hasn't been the right time. Ohh well. I can always go back later. When I dont know. I didn't think I would have a baby yet, well almost a toddler. I say that because I was told 2 months before I got pregnant with Abbie that I needed to get on fertility shots to have a baby. 2 months later, with the change in birth control, I got pregnant. We had a five year plan haha. ohh well! i wouldnt change it for the world.
    I married Mitch when he was already in the military. But brand new to the military. SO i knew he would have to deploy sometime. But it is always tooo soon. This is his first deployment and we have been married 3 years. I knew it would be hard but not as hard as it truely is. When you are the outside looking in Its kind of "romantic" classic love story. Your soldier goes away when he comes back it is all rainbows, kisses, lots of sex and happiness. But the truth is, it is hard when they leave and it is hard when they come back. Yes you have lots of make of sex so i have been told. But I hear there is a lot of adjustment on both sides. Either way I love my husband and wouldnt change what he does for anything. The grass is NOT always GREENER on the other side in the civilian world.

  4. Oh my word Julie I posted almost an identical post to yours today! I had intended to major in political science, history and journalism and minor in Middle Eastern Studies, do a stint in the Peace Corps, be a combat correspondent and start a career in politics. Instead, I'm majoring in journalism and history and preparing to marry a soldier upon graduation.

  5. I so, completely know what you mean. It's been hard for me to adjust because Joe and I didn't have THIS life planned. The army just sort of fell in our laps, and we'd already been married for a year. It's hard when you have to adjust to things you never imagined you'd do. But, we just gotta keep on going and do exactly what you said – look at the positives. I have to keep reminding myself that God had this planned the whole time and He knows what's really best for me. Not that it isn't hard though. =)

  6. so when did he go active duty. what made him go active. my hero was in the reserves when we got married. we quickly decided he would go active. we got married in July and he went active march of the next year

  7. I was raised the "army life" cause my dad was army. I can honestly say, I never thought I would marry into the military. But. It's the best choice I've made in my life so far. I wouldnt change a thing. Its such a blessing, living the life of an army wife. You experience, and take advantage of the things, that the average couple wouldnt. Quite a blessing.

    Edward and Dana
    Army Wife since Feb 2010.
    Army Life since Jan 1992

  8. Not in the military over here, but my husband is a corp guy and has been home less than a dozen nights in the last two months. His travels are from Rio to Europe and just never ending. I live a single life, homeschooling my kids … except the bit where i cannot date 😉
    Not what i planned when saying i do.
    My recent post Foot and Mouth. Foot in Mouth. Vastly different.

  9. I love this. Not only did I never plan to be a military spouse, I was adamantly against it. I grew up surrounded by the military, and while I thought my best friends families were something close to super heroes, it also broke my heart to watch. And then I found myself marrying at 19 to a guy getting ready to deploy 9 months later. No regrets <3

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