Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted your future to include the military.
So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines?
What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?
Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:
Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life
No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future.
This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. And it is not an easy thing to do.
You Will Have To Be Away From Home
If your spouse is going to be going Active duty military, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from.
However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world, or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.
The Kid Thing
Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth, and the 1st year.
They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that?
Here is a secret. You might think you can’t handle that, but…you might be surprised what you can do when you love a member of the military.
I thought I couldn’t do that part of military life, not at first. In the end, I have been able to get through it, and at some points, it was even harder than I thought. But in the end, I just do what I have to do.
Some military couples don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. But that also depends on how long they want to stay in and when the couple wants to start their family.
Solo parenting is quite challenging, but you will find that you are not alone when you have to do it. So many military spouses will be solo parenting with you, which makes things a bit easier.
The “D” Word
Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy off and on for years.
There is no way to sugar coat a deployment. They are rough, from the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments, there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time.
I have talked about the difficult parts of military life. The parts that make it hard to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life?
As hard as this life gets, you won’t be alone in going through your challenges. There is an amazing military community out there. Many other spouses have gone through what you are going through.
Other military spouses get this life and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing, and even retirement.
Is It Worth It?
Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that.
Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t.
I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, and that walking away from them is not an option, you can find ways to make it as a military spouse.
So many of us are doing it right now, taking military life one day at a time. And we are here to support you in your own military spouse journey.