15 Months
11 Months
5.5 Months
6.5 Months
= 38 months or 3 years, 2 months.
This is how long my husband was gone on deployments. This does not count any of the other times he has been gone for non-deployment reasons.
WOW! Almost 3.5 years? I can’t even wrap my mind around that. I can’t. Looking back, we got through it. Sometimes just one hour at a time but we did it.
Sometimes I still break down over what he missed.
He missed so much. He kissed our 3-week old boy goodbye after meeting him just 2 weeks earlier and he did not see him again until he was almost one. He missed the whole first year of his life. That is a lot of time. If you have a baby, you know how different a 3 week old is from an 11-month-old. You know everything they go through in that time. All the stages and changes. My husband got to experience all of that through photos. That’s it. Just photos.
He said to me once that it was a weird feeling. Knowing you had a son out there that you loved but didn’t know at all. That broke my heart.
Was it worth it? I don’t know. I really don’t.
I don’t like to think about that. I don’t want to think about the politics of why he was there because it hurts too much. He joined the Army and did his job and THAT is why he was gone.
He has missed so much and for an involved father like him, I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I have been away from my boys for 10 days at the longest and I was SO ready to get back to them.
His first deployment was 15 months long. It was extended. It should have been shorter. He came home for R&R to be with me for the birth of our child but got there a few days late. That was okay. I was able to handle that but I knew I wanted him there for any future babies we were going to have. I didn’t want to have to give birth without my husband again.
To add to things, my husband didn’t join the Army until our oldest son was 13 months old. He didn’t miss anything with him. He was there for the pregnancy, the labor, the birth, the newborn months, watching him learn to roll, to sit, to stand.
Knowing that he got to experience that with my now 11-year-old and not with the 9-year-old still makes me tear up.
I think about the wives of soldiers during WW2. My Grandpa was gone for three years. They didn’t have kids at the time but other soldiers did. Can you imagine leaving you 2-year-old and seeing them again when they were 5? With only letters to get by? I can’t. That makes what we went through seem a lot easier.
I know we can’t beat ourselves up for all that he missed. We just can’t. It comes with Military life. It is normal for them to miss things. Other Military spouses get it. They have been through it as well. They understand how hard it can be too.
There are things you can do to make the distance a little easier. You can talk on video chat, send a lot of photos, talk on the phone, send care packages, etc. But at the end of the day, it is not the same as having them live in the same house with you and your children day after day.
As a Military spouse, you have to come to a place of accepting that your spouse will miss part of your kid’s childhood. You can’t always plan when they will be home. You can’t make sure that they will be there when you have a baby, when your child walks for the first time, when they start Kindergarten or when they graduate from high school. You might have to be there without them, take a few videos and some photos and share them with your spouse that way. You accept all of this as a part of Military life.
You can hope and pray that they won’t miss too many important things. They will be home sometimes. They will not be gone for all of their Military careers. Remember that when you feel frustrated about how much they have missed.
Think about the times you have had together, the experiences you have had because you are a Military family and the good that can come from standing by your spouse as they go through their Military career.
This post hits so close to home with me right now. Hubby was set to deploy in 2 days when I went into the hospital and delivered our son 6 weeks early. He was home for the 2 weeks he was in the NICU. We brought him home and the very next day he deployed. When he came back Bear was 8 months old. We are expecting again and he will be home for at least the first year of this baby’s life which he is excited for. He however is extremely nervous as he has no idea what to expect. It makes me so sad to know that he missed so very much. I tried to keep him involved with pictures and videos but its not the real thing. He’s got a lot of new things to experience this time around. Thanks for sharing this!
I am so glad he will be home this time! I almost feel like they will get to experience everything but broken up between children.
When my husband comes home in August, he will have been gone for 18 months out of the 36 months we’ve been together. So roughly half of our relationship so far has been spent apart. He’s missed holidays, birthdays, family celebrations, and will even be missing my college graduation in May which is already making me extremely upset (he’s played such a huge role in me completing my degree and he wont even be there to see me get it). We don’t have children yet, but we got worried that I had gotten pregnant over Christmas when he came home to visit me for a few weeks. As much as we would love to start our family, I know it would hurt us both if he missed out on our children’s lives. He would have been crushed if had to miss the entire pregnancy and/or the birth of our first child. Because of this, he will not be reenlisting again after his current enlistment. For us, it’s just not worth it. 8 years in the Marine Corps is plenty!
Oh ya, it’s nice that you are able to get out before kids. I think if he would have joined before we had kids we would have waited too.
Omgosh. I can’t imagine what it was like for the WWII guys. When my grandpa was gone, my grandma moved back in with her family (she had two small ones at the time, my aunt and uncle). And my great uncle, well, he was KIA when his wife was pregnant with their baby girl. He had just learned he was having a girl and was so excited. It breaks my heart.
Military Husband did all his deployments before we met. He talks about missing many things…birthdays Christmas…and I know those times were hard for him (being over there in general). I wish I had been with him honestly; I hate thinking of him coming home without having what we have now. I know if he was asked, he would do another combat deployment. That’s just who he is, and I understand that. He’s an incredible person and I’m a better woman for having a man who’s sacrificed so much. We all are and should feel so proud to be with our husbands.
Great post.
Xxoo
I know. WW2 would have been so much harder.