Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Guest Writer

Greg Lato, Navy Veteran, Family Music Artist, and Children’s Book Author Shares About His Inspiration For Latest Album

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Greg Lato

I am an award-winning family music artist and children’s book author who is highlighting and amplifying the voices of military kids and families with a special new project. I have recorded a children’s music album featuring songs inspired by conversations with military families. The experience of hearing their stories and what they go through was amazing! The album features military kids, active-duty musicians, and veterans.  

The album, titled ‘Dandelion: Songs Inspired by Military Kids and Families, ’ got its name because the dandelion is the official flower of the military child. It represents the resilience and adaptability of military children. The title track features a military kids choir from CAMMO (Center for American Military Music Opportunities) in Virginia. 

I am no stranger to military life, I was an aircraft firefighter on the flight deck of the USS Constellation aircraft carrier in the United States Navy for 4 years.   

As a military veteran, I have learned how important it is for people from many different backgrounds to come together in a meaningful and positive way to navigate change and accomplish a common goal. The song ‘Shine So Bright’ featuring military kids from Portsmouth, Rhode Island School highlights this idea that together we are stronger, it takes a village to be heard, and being brave is our superpower. Like military veteran and spouse Joshua Chiarini said during our conversation with his military family, “Freedom is not free!” The song ‘Bigger Than Me’ features the sentiment about being involved in something bigger than yourself. 

The journey that this project has taken me on has gone beyond my expectations. It has run the gamut of emotions from heartfelt to happy and everywhere in between. There are a lot of themes on the album that are central to the military family experience. Moving from place to place, meeting new friends, constantly being the new kid, dealing with a spouse and parent that is away, and the wonderful support system that they encounter wherever they go. Songs like ‘Home Is Not a Place’ and ‘Hi, I’m New Here!’, a duet with 14-year-old military kid Kaleyana Ludwig, highlight these common experiences. The song ‘Helping Out’, a duet with Iraq War veteran and fellow children’s artist Mr. Pete’s Playhouse, is about the kids helping to hold down the fort at home while a parent is deployed.             

For example, the kids in the Kiser and Rivers families have not stayed in one school for more than a couple of years. They were asked how they deal with the constant change in their young lives, and ultimately, what does home mean to them as a result of it? Whether it is keeping family traditions alive by bringing their Christmas decorations to each location, family game nights, or like Cecilia Rivers says, “Hearing the birds chirp wherever we have lived makes me feel like nothing’s changed.”     

For 11-year-old Elly Clague, who lost her Navy veteran dad to PTSD, she goes to the Dare to Dream therapy ranch, which she calls her ‘happy place’. Riding the horses and interacting with the animals brings her comfort. Elly says, “Getting to bond and hang out with animals, it calms me down and makes me happy.” The song ‘Smile’ was a result of this experience and features two active-duty Navy musicians, Michael Brehm and Justin Lockett, on horns.           

Some songs have nothing to do with the military experience specifically, but are more universal things that the families enjoy, just like any other family. The first single ‘Old School New School’ is about how the parents teach their kids about the old school, while the kids teach their parents about the new school. The music video features 14 military kids! 

My last album ‘Adults These Days’ reached the top 10 on the iTunes Children’s Music Chart. My first children’s album ‘Create My Own World’ has won a Family Choice Award and a Creative Child Award. My songs are featured on Apple Music playlists and have over a million streams! I have also released two children’s books, ‘Try’ and ‘Everybody Needs Someone’. 

Family Music Artist, Children’s Book Author and Navy Veteran Greg Lato

You can find more info about the project at www.greglatodandelion.com. My handle for all socials is @greglatomusic.

How One Military Spouse Said Yes to the Journey and Ended Up With An Amazing Career

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Animal in africa

Wouldn’t it be fun to be in the same Time Zone? This question kept bouncing around in my head. My husband had been called up from the US Navy Reserves and was stationed at As Sayliyah Army Base, Qatar.

After 18 years of marriage, I was used to the Active Duty / Civilian Life hybrid. On 9-11, as I watched the second Twin Tower fall, my husband called from work. He asked me to be prepared to take a phone call from his Navy Reserve Command. By that afternoon, I received the call that he was to report for Duty immediately. Now, nine years later, it was time for him to once again report for Active Duty. 

After we were married, as the “trailing spouse,” nonprofits were my specialty. With a passion for Human Rights and International Development, I spent most of my time Stateside, occasionally taking short assignments in Africa. With my husband being recalled to Qatar, it seemed like the right time to take the leap. I was going to work in Africa full-time.  

Elephant in Africa

Easier said than done. For months, I started going to job sites and scouring openings each day. One day, at my wit’s end, I called my husband and started moaning and complaining. “There is nothing out there. No job fits my skillset.” My kind husband sternly told me to find two jobs.

Regardless of how well they fit, apply. Knowing he was right, I went back online and was surprised to find an opening I hadn’t seen before. Odd, as it was posted over a month before. While not exactly my skillset, it was in the perfect place for me, South Sudan. 

As fate would have it, I had been working with the Lost Boys and South Sudan on the Referendum for Independence. In 2011, the Republic of South Sudan became the newest nation on Earth. If I could land this job, I’d not only fulfill my dream of truly helping build the nation, but I could also be in the same Time Zone as my husband. I applied.

Africa

Fast forward several months, and I received an email. Would I be willing to come to New York City for a job interview? What an opportunity! I walked around Central Park discussing my role with the Wildlife Conservation Society South Sudan.

It was a hot Summer Day in NYC. Many of the questions kept coming back to my being a Military Spouse. Interestingly, I later found out that this played a key role in their hiring me. They believed my ability to handle life as a MilSpouse showed that I could live and work in South Sudan. I had hit the MilSpouse Lottery! Woohoo!

In reality, my husband was feted by the Qataris. He enjoyed Jet Skiing and friendly Shooting Competitions with his Qatari counterparts. As I lay sweating in our Juba Guesthouse, listening to Antonovs circling the skies, his Army Chaplain frequently asked if I was okay. But, even though our camp in Boma, South Sudan, had become snake-infested, I forged lifelong friendships. 

Animals in Africa

Out of hardship comes strength and clarity. I so deeply love our mission of saving Africa’s Wildlife that it became my mission. Upon returning home, when my husband’s tour ended, I founded my company, Flyga Twiga. For the past 11 years, I have been helping others experience Africa at its best. 

Safari is the Swahili word for “journey”. Just as we are on the MilSpouse journey. I think a key MilSpouse Super Power is the ability to say yes. Yes to the journey. Yes to opportunities. Yes to embracing the unknown. Yes to adventure. Saying yes to the wonderful, Crazy Life!

Amy Millican is Owner & Founder of, Flyga Twiga™ LLC, a Personal Safari Service, specializing in East and Southern African bespoke Safaris. Named One of Top “21 Businesses We Love” by Military Spouse Magazine. The United States Military affiliated are Flyga Twiga’s primary Clients. Amy lives and works out of South Korea, home to the largest overseas US Military Base. 

Thank you to Amy for her guest post about how she took the opportunity to work with the Wildlife Conservation Society in South Sudan while her husband was in Qatar. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

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I became an Army spouse back in 2012 in the Colorado Springs/Fort Carson area. This is where the journey began for my husband, myself, our daughter, and later, our son. Everyone says I can never be with someone in the Military. They always ask, “How do you do it?” My response is, “ I just do, because I love him.” Sounds so cliche, cheesy, corny even, but I have been managing this lifestyle for 13 years now, and each challenge has brought me and my spouse that much closer. 

When we received an abrupt notice that we were getting orders to Ft. Sill Oklahoma, my heart sunk. I was so nervous because I hadn’t heard much good things about the Drill Sgt. lifestyle. They train day and night with hardly any rest in between. There are strict rules about the trainees being left alone so there must be a Drill Sgt with them at all times until lights out. 

This has been very exhausting for my husband. He likes to stay physically fit and loves our family time. We have had to get creative on how to squeeze in any time together, whether it’s a quick coffee date or simply vegging around binge-watching a show on his days off.

The other challenge has been keeping in sync with each other’s schedules; we don’t always align. For instance, he works the weekends as well, so while he gets up at 4:30 a.m., the kids and I are trying to sleep in. He also can’t text or call me much because he is surrounded by trainees all day long, or he can even be in the field for hours. Communicating can be hard, too. 

This can make any social functions or planning very difficult because, just like any job in the military, they can’t request time off so easily. We have been adjusting and trying to make the most of the time we do have together.

How do I balance it all?

I am currently treating this time as if he were deployed even though he is at work, on base,15 miles down the road. I just do the things that bring me the most joy and whatever occupies my time. I got a new job, I’m exercising, I go on adventures with my kids, and I try to visit with my friends and family.

It all comes down to what you value the most and what is important to you. I do try my best to be home whenever I know he will be back so that I can at least get some time to catch up. I wash his uniforms, make him meals, pay bills, and do anything to make things easier for him. It is a very selfless time for me. I’ve even had Uber Eats send him his favorite food to his work site. 

I am looking forward to when this time-consuming schedule fades. I know it will all be worth the sacrifice. Counting down to retirement, but that is a whole other article. Stay positive, and best of luck in your adventures.

Thank you to Stacey for her guest post about being the spouse of a drill sergeant. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

Super Smart Tips For Building Up Your Savings During the Holiday Shopping Season

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Interested in guest writing on Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Visit my Duty Station Guest Posts post for more information.

The holiday shopping rush is upon us. If you’re worried this means you’ll need to risk going into debt, think again. Going all out on everyone’s Christmas gifts doesn’t mean you have to go into the red, instead, you can save your money by using the following tips.

Build a List & Do Your Homework

Santa checks his list twice, and you need to do the same. One of the best ways to make sure you don’t overdo it during the holidays is by writing down everything you have to purchase or everyone you will be giving a gift. That way, you can refer back to it and check things off as you buy them.

Once you have a list together, then it’s time to start your research. One item can be sold by a variety of companies for a different price. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by trying to play the find the absolute best price game. But there are a lot of sites out there that simplify your search. Also, sales are constantly popping up during this time of year, so sign up for e-blasts from your favorite stores and follow them on social media to get notified.

Consider D.I.Y. or Second Hand Gifts 

Sometimes, it’s a personal touch that gets the biggest response. So rather than going big with a fancy store-bought gift, make your own present. Whether it’s baked goods or a DIY project, these options will save you some money. While you do pay some money to buy the components for the gift, you can save the money that you would have spent on higher-priced items.

If you’re not the craftiest person, visit second-hand stores to purchase some unique finds. Thrift stores are full of a wide variety of items at low prices, so even finding something for the pickiest person on your list is possible. Buying used items at markdown discounts will save you a lot of change. Clearance racks, discount bins, and sale sections are all full of hidden treasures worth seeking out. 

Remember, Technology is Your Friend

Since your phone is most likely nearby right now, it’s time to put it to good use. Look into rewards programs at the stores you frequent or online retailers. Yup, getting paid to shop does add up when you have lots of gifts to buy. Sites like Rakuten or Swagbucks allow you to accumulate points to get cash back or gift cards. 

As mentioned before, signing up for emails is another great way to find the best deals. Creating a separate email account for these notifications ensures your regular account doesn’t get over-flooded with offers. Plus, it reduces impulse buying tendencies for whenever you see a sale item. Price matching tools and coupons can be tracked down online as well. A simple Google search can pull in codes to use and deal sites for sale items.

Examine Your Payment Options

In addition to hunting for gift deals, seek out the best payment option too. If you overspend a lot, having a cash envelope system can curb this tendency. Using cash will give you a good idea of what you have to spend, and when all your money is gone, that’s it.

However, in today’s world, credit, and debit cards are popular options for online shopping. Although they make payments easier and give you a larger spending range, they can come back to bite you if you’re not careful about the fees that are associated with using them. When looking for financially-friendly options, whether it’s a bank account or an app that helps you stay on track with your savings, find options without hidden costs and that make it possible to rebuild your financial status. That way, if you have a lower credit score or you’re looking to prioritize financial wellness during the course of your holiday shopping, you won’t feel stressed or overwhelmed when purchasing gifts for your friends and family.  

While achieving savings during the holiday shopping season seems tricky, it’s possible with the proper planning! By creating a shopping list, rethinking what gifts you can make yourself or buy second hand, using technology to track deals, and finding the right payment option for you. Following all of these tips will help you stay in the green, rather than the red this holiday season.

Super Smart Tips For Building Up Your Savings During the Holiday Shopping Season

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment. 

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com

Exploring Ft. Liberty, NC: Unforgettable Day Trips for Military Families

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Welcome to Ft. Liberty, North Carolina, a haven for military families seeking adventure, relaxation, and unforgettable experiences. Nestled in the heart of this welcoming community, you’ll discover a treasure trove of day trip destinations that cater to solo parents and families alike. Join us as we embark on a journey of exploration, from sandy beaches to majestic mountains, picturesque waterfalls, and family-friendly attractions. Let’s create cherished memories together in this charming region.

One of the best ways to create lasting memories and explore your new surroundings is by going on day trips. These excursions are perfect for single parents looking to bond with their children and for families seeking quality time together. Before you hit the road, consider packing essentials like snacks, water, first-aid supplies, and a sense of adventure.

Ft. Liberty’s Natural Wonders – Waterfall Road Trips

Linville Falls, NC, USA

Crabtree Falls Trail, Spruce Pine, United States

There are over 250 waterfalls in NC! If you want a specific curated road trip, you can hit up to 8 beautiful scenic waterfalls in 5 hours. This list consists of Linville Falls, Crabtree Falls, Looking Glass Falls, Moore Cove Falls, Cove Creek Falls, Sliding Rock (our favorite!), Dry Falls, and Upper Whitewater Falls (source:  https://www.onlyinyourstate.com/north-carolina/nc-waterfalls-road-trip/)

If you’re wanting to make a Waterfall Weekend trip, consider checking out the North Carolina ByWays provided by the NC Department of Transportation. On pg. 18 you will find the Waterfall Byway which leads you through the ultimate NC waterfall road trip of 200 waterfalls. But wait, there’s more! This handy NC guide features multiple scenic routes throughout the state for any nature loving family. The Sandhills Scenic Drive and Averasboro Battlefield Scenic Byway are two close-to-home routes.

Beach Day! Kure Beach at Ft. Fisher is barely Two Hours Away

Kure Beach, North Carolina United States

If your family loves sandy shores and salty breezes, a visit to Ft. Fisher is a must. This beach not only offers sun and surf but also extends military discounts as a heartwarming gesture of gratitude for your service.

Ft. Fisher isn’t just any beach; it’s a destination filled with history, natural beauty, and exciting opportunities for family fun. Here’s what you can expect:

1. The Beach: Spend a day at Ft. Fisher building sandcastles, swimming in the gentle waves, and picnicking with your loved ones. The wide, sandy shores provide ample space for families to spread out and enjoy their beach day to the fullest. Don’t forget to bring the hot dogs! Fort Fisher State Recreation Area has charcoal friendly grills and a picnic area. This beach is pet-friendly with watering stations as well.

2. Southport – A Ferry Ride Away: Want to add a touch of cinematic charm to your visit? Ft. Fisher is just a short ferry ride away from Southport, a quaint coastal town famous for being the filming location of “Safe Haven.” Stroll along the charming streets, visit the picturesque waterfront, and relive moments from the beloved movie. Some of our favorite shops are The Christmas Shop (there’s a candy store in the back!) and Bullfrog Corner.

3. Free Parking: Ft. Fisher offers free public parking, making it convenient for military families to access the beach without worrying about additional expenses. This perk adds to the appeal of this already budget-friendly destination. Anywhere else in the Carolina Beach/Wilmington area has paid parking which can add up quickly. 

4. Ft. Fisher Museum: While at Ft. Fisher, take a detour to the Ft. Fisher State Historic Site and Museum. Explore the exhibits and learn about the area’s Civil War history, including the pivotal Battle of Ft. Fisher. It’s an educational opportunity for the whole family.

5. Camping: For the adventurous souls among you, Ft. Fisher allows camping right by the beach, and Carolina State Park allows camping directly on the beach. Imagine falling asleep to the sound of ocean waves and waking up to breathtaking sunrises over the Atlantic. It’s a unique experience that will leave you with lasting memories. Ft. Fisher is pet-friendly!

If you’re looking to savor some local flavors as part of your beach experience, be sure to check out these dining options:

Britt’s Donuts on the Boardwalk: Treat your taste buds to the sweet delight of fresh, melt-in-your-mouth donuts available at Britt’s Donuts. They are a cherished tradition on the boardwalk. They are a cash-only operation so make sure you bring plenty!

Island Burgers and Bites: Believe it or not, some of the best burgers can be found in a gas station! Island Burgers and Bites offer delicious burgers that will satisfy your cravings.

Kate’s Pancake House: Start your day with a hearty breakfast at Kate’s Pancake House, known for their mouth watering pancakes and a cozy, family-friendly atmosphere.

Ft. Fisher is more than just a beach; it’s a complete coastal experience for military families, where history, relaxation, and fun come together in a beautiful setting. So, pack your sunscreen and towels, and get ready for an unforgettable day at Ft. Fisher.

Camping and Mountains: 

For families who crave the great outdoors, Ft. Liberty is surrounded by lush mountains and offers excellent camping opportunities. Whether you’re a seasoned camper or a newbie, the serene mountain landscapes and clear night skies make for a memorable experience. There are plenty of options for cabin rentals, campground camping, dispersed camping, group camping, and RV camping. Visit the National Forest in North Carolina website for more information on sites, rules, and how to make reservations. 

Thrills and Adventures – Carowinds

If you’re in the mood for thrills and laughter, Carowinds amusement park is a must-visit. Packed with family-friendly attractions, it promises an action-packed day for everyone. From roller coasters to live entertainment, Carowinds has it all. Check their website for military discounts.

If you like Spooky Season like me, don’t miss out on Scarowinds!  This is the highly anticipated seasonal transformation of a screaming good time that offers mazes, scare zones, shows, and more.  Get your tickets and Fast Lane passes early- they go quick!

Wild Encounters

North Carolina Zoo, Asheboro, United States

If you are an animal lover, you’re in luck!  There are quite a few options to see animals near Ft. Liberty, here are some of our favorites:

NC Zoo: Located in Asheboro, the NC Zoo is a fantastic place to explore the animal kingdom. Consider getting a membership to enjoy year-round visits and skip-the-line privileges. With the NC Zoo membership you also get a discount for the NC Aquarium. If you’re planning on taking either of these trips more than once a year, it pays for itself. Bring your walking shoes- the NC Zoo has 500 developed acres making it the world’s largest natural habitat zoo.

NC Zoo Pro-Tip: The Zoo is sectioned by continent. Park in the North America Parking lot. Once inside the Zoo, take the tram to the Africa Tram Stop. Work your way back through the Zoo going through Africa, Asia, and North America. Then voila- you don’t have to take the tram back to your car at a very congested time. 

You can do this the other way as well- park at Africa, ride the tram to North America, and work your way south.  However, keep in mind North America houses the Garden Friends Playground. This will allow you some rest time while the kids play before you load back up into the car. Entrance times, shuttle times, and tram times vary throughout the year. Always check the times before you go!

NC Aquarium: Dive into the wonders of the deep at the NC Aquarium. Like the zoo, memberships and discounts are available, making it a budget-friendly option. Marvel at colorful fish, playful otters, an albino alligator, and even sharks. There are plenty of hands-on opportunities for little ones and different activities throughout the year. You can even plan a birthday party or participate in a sleepover!

North Carolina Aquarium at Fort Fisher Pro Tip- get your tickets online in advance! This will help you have a hassle free entry the day of.

A little closer to home with Aloha Safari Park: Whether you want to feed a giraffe or invite a zebra to give you a nuzzle in the drive-through safari, this park has some amazing animals!  Aloha Safari Park houses over 300 animals and they specialize in caring for animals that came from homes where they were not taken care of previously.  

Our State Capitol: Raleigh, NC

While there are tons of things to do in Raleigh, we usually go for the museums and the food. Choosing between the dinosaur and the life-size Connect Four game can be hard, but somebody’s gotta do it!  Luckily Raleigh isn’t too far away.

North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences: Welcome to the Southeast’s largest natural history museum. Yes, there’s a dinosaur. This museum has it all: a kid-friendly discovery room, an arthropod zoo, a nature research center, a live sloth, and more. They also host multiple events throughout the year that cater to all audiences.

Marbles Kids Museum: Ever wanted to play chess with life-sized pieces? This is your kind of place! From a pirate ship playland to interactive brain-nurturing hands-on activities, this is a great place to take the whole family. The grownups have just as much fun as the kids.

Time to pack your bags

Now it’s time to pack your bags, bring your sense of wonder, and embark on these incredible journeys.  The adventure awaits, and the memories are yours to make. Welcome to North Carolina!

Hey there! I’m Andrea McGillivray, a military spouse with over 20 years of firsthand experience navigating the unique challenges faced by military families. I’m honored to be a contributing blogger for Pioneer Military Credit, a trusted provider of personal military loans for service members. Pioneer is committed to helping military families navigate the challenges of military life through its financial products and educational resources on its website.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Olivia on National Guard life! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

I used to think military life was easy, fun, and quite frankly, no big deal. My spouse’s National Guard drill weekends were no issue because I would just go shopping with friends, spend time with family, eat all of the take-out Chinese food I wanted, etc.

So, the saying about things getting easier with time…I don’t think that always applies in the case of military life. 

You get older. You start a family. Family gatherings grow in size and number. Activities and events start to infiltrate the fridge calendar.

You start to overhear conversations like, “Hey dad, are you coming to my soccer game this weekend?” “I’m sorry buddy, I have to go away this weekend. I’m sorry I’ll miss it.” Again. He’s so sorry he will miss yet another game. Another practice. Another swimming lesson. Another family barbeque to celebrate someone’s birthday. The list goes on.

I can see the look on my husband’s face, and then in my son’s eyes. Sadness, disappointment, hurt, felt on both ends. You’re probably thinking, it’s one game or one practice, the child won’t remember. And you’re absolutely right if it was just one or two here and there.

However, it’s close to 50-75% of the time with all activities and day-to-day life in our household. I’m sure many people think the National Guard is just one weekend per month and a two-week training in the summer each year. 

Well, I wish it was just that, but that is far from the truth. For example, this year alone, my husband was gone for just under three months right after Christmas.

He was stateside, which was nice, but I work full-time and there was no way we could make a trip out to visit him a reality. This summer felt like a nice break because he literally just had drill weekends and that was it.

Well, here we are going into the fall, and into a new budget year for the National Guard, and the calendar is filling back up with additional trips to the guard base for additional duties to be completed. And, those are just the planned trips. You never know when a call will come in to go assist here or there, a week or two weeks gone. 

“It’s totally what you signed up for though, right?” I get this question or similar comments whenever I mention something related to my husband’s schedule. Yes, you are correct, when my husband was 17 years old, he signed on the dotted line and is literally owned by the government until further notice. I don’t know how a 17-year-old could’ve known exactly what this life would be like, but he signed up and has been committed to them for just shy of 20 years now.

On the positive flip side, I have family who keep a similar calendar of drill and military-related events on their calendar, and they are mindful of those when planning family events. I can’t tell you how happy this makes my heart! Some get it, some don’t, and that is okay- you work around your schedule and their schedule to the best of your ability. 

Other things that don’t seem to get easier or better with time, and often bring a sense of unnecessary guilt: 1. Repeatedly saying, “Sorry we can’t come, he has drill that weekend.” 2. “Don’t plan around us, you know how our schedule is.” 3. “This is our first weekend together as a family in three weeks, so no we aren’t going to plan anything.”  4. “Yes, we let our kids stay the night with grandparents just so we can have a couple of hours alone this month.” 

You’re able to recognize that some have it way harder or worse than you. You’re able to rationally tell yourself that you’ll get through this and it’s not that bad. But that doesn’t minimize the stress that you’re experiencing and comparing your situation to someone else’s just isn’t realistic. Everyone is different and we all deal with things differently. 

With all of this complaining or over-explaining, there are a few things that are amazing when it comes to the National Guard life. Amazing friends that just get it and don’t think twice about rescheduling something five times, because they are in the same boat.

The excitement on my kids’ faces when they see dad fly over during a training mission. The fancy dining out ceremonies that give us a few hours to relive our prom days. The pride in knowing that my husband and fellow National Guard soldiers do so much for our community and country. And, did I mention the ability to have as much Chinese take-out as you want on drill weekends? Yeah, that hasn’t changed a bit. 

The National Guard life is different from other branches of service, and yet still comes with its own set of challenges. If you’re a National Guard spouse, just know that I hear you & see you. And if you want to get take-out on drill weekends, I fully support you 😉  

Olivia Moser is a National Guard spouse of a CW04 CH-47 Pilot in the Nebraska Army National Guard. They have two children and an active puppy at home. She is a member of the Soldier Family Readiness Group (SFRG) for her husband’s current unit and is a member of the local Auxiliary Legion post. Olivia works full-time as a Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner (LIMHP) and Clinical Program Manager with the State of Nebraska. She is a trained crisis negotiator, forensic interviewer, and QPR suicide prevention facilitator. She is also on the state’s Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) team. 

Go to ne.ng.mil for more information about the NEARNG

https://ne.ng.mil/FPO is a resource for Warrior & Family Support in the NEARNG

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!