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A Military Spouse Guide to Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Military Bases in Japan

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A Military Spouse Guide to Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Military Bases in Japan

A tour in Japan is a gift, but the base can start to feel small pretty fast. And if you can’t read the signs yet, it’s easy to talk yourself out of going far. What if we get lost? What if nobody speaks English? What if the kids melt down an hour from home?

Here’s the good news after years of doing this with my own kids: Japan is one of the easiest places in the world to explore with little ones. It’s safe, it’s clean, the trains run on time, and the big family spots almost always have English maps and staff who will help you figure it out. You do not need the language to have a great day. You just need a couple of places worth the drive.

So here are some tested favorites, sorted by where you’re likely stationed. Every one of these is outdoors, easy with young kids, and won’t leave you stranded in a wall of kanji.

Family-Friendly Places to Explore Near Military Bases in Japan

If you are stationed in Japan with kids, you don’t have to go far to start exploring.

  • Yokota: Showa Kinen Park and Mount Takao
  • Camp Zama/NAF Atsugi: Kodomo no Kuni and Atsugi Kodomo no Mori Park
  • Yokosuka: Soleil Hill
  • Day trip: Mother Farm in Chiba
  • Okinawa: Churaumi Aquarium, Bios no Oka, and Neo Park Okinawa
  • Iwakuni: Kintaikyo Bridge and Miyajima
  • Sasebo: Huis Ten Bosch and the Kujukushima Islands

Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Yokota Air Base

Showa Kinen Park is right next door in Tachikawa, and it’s the one I send everyone to first. It’s enormous, with huge playgrounds, wide cycling paths you can rent bikes for, splash areas in summer, and flower fields that change with the season. English maps at the gate, easy bathrooms, room for the kids to run until they’re done. You can spend a whole day and not see all of it.

When you’re ready for a little adventure, Mount Takao is about half an hour out. A cable car carries you most of the way up, the main trail is short and stroller-tough-but-doable, and there’s a small monkey park near the top. The main route has English signs, so it’s a safe first hike for a family that’s still finding its feet here.

Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Camp Zama and NAF Atsugi

Kodomo no Kuni, which means “Children’s Land,” is a giant outdoor park built for exactly this. Wide open green space, animals to meet, ride-on toys, and enough room that everyone gets their wiggles out. It sits close to both bases and makes for an easy, low-stress day.

Closer in, Atsugi Kodomo no Mori Park is smaller and right there by Atsugi. It’s a good pick for an afternoon when you don’t have a whole day but the kids need to get outside.

Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Yokosuka Naval Base

Nagai Uminote Park Soleil Hill is already a favorite with military families, and it earns it. You get farm animals, seasonal flower fields, a big playground, and the ocean right there, all in one spot. There are harvest activities depending on the season, and they’ve been adding new attractions lately. Pack a picnic and make an afternoon of it.

A Family Day Trip Worth the Drive: Mother Farm

If you have a free Saturday, drive to Mother Farm in Chiba. It’s a hillside farm with sheep shows, cows and alpacas, fruit and vegetable picking by season, and big open views of the bay. It’s a full day, and the kind of place kids talk about for weeks afterward. If you’re ever out near Narita instead, Narita Yume Bokujo is a similar dairy-farm day with animals and homemade ice cream.

Family-Friendly Things to Do Near Military Bases in Okinawa

The Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium is the anchor. The main tank with the whale sharks is genuinely one of the best you’ll see anywhere, and it’s worth the trip north on its own.

When you want to be outside, Bios no Oka is a subtropical nature park with lake boats, water buffalo carts, and easy trails that little kids can handle. Neo Park Okinawa is a walk-through bird park where the animals come right up to you. Both are a nice change of pace from the beach.

Things to Do With Kids Near MCAS Iwakuni and Sasebo

There’s a good outing near every base here. Out of Iwakuni, the Kintaikyo Bridge and a day trip to Miyajima are both easy wins. Out of Sasebo, Huis Ten Bosch and the Kujukushima islands will fill a weekend. You are never as far from something great as it feels on a slow Sunday on post.

Tips for Exploring Japan With Kids

First, most of these places have parking and are easiest by car, which suits base life just fine. Second, go on a weekday if your schedule allows. It’s calmer, it’s cheaper, and you’ll have the run of the place.

The hardest part really is just deciding to go. Once you’ve done one of these, the next one feels easy, and before long you’re the family that actually gets off base.

Kelly Farmer runs Japan for Kids (japanforkids.jp), a curated guide to the family places in Japan actually worth the trip: aquariums, mega parks, farms, factory tours, and the odd only-in-Japan experience. He lives in Japan with his family and spends most weekends testing spots with his own kids. Find something to do near you at japanforkids.jp.

Frequently Asked Questions About Exploring Japan With Kids

Is Japan easy to explore with kids when stationed there?

Yes. Japan can be very family-friendly, especially once you get comfortable leaving base. Many popular attractions have helpful signage, family facilities, public transportation options, and staff who are used to helping visitors. Starting with one easy outing can make the next adventure feel much less intimidating.

What are good day trips from Yokota Air Base with kids?

Showa Kinen Park and Mount Takao are two great options near Yokota Air Base. Showa Kinen Park offers playgrounds, bike rentals, seasonal flowers, and plenty of space to explore. Mount Takao is a good choice for families who want an easy outdoor adventure with a cable car and beginner-friendly trails.

What can military families do near Yokosuka?

Soleil Hill is a popular family-friendly option near Yokosuka, with playgrounds, animals, seasonal flowers, outdoor activities, and views near the coast. It works well for a relaxed family day outside the gates.

What are some kid-friendly things to do in Okinawa?

Military families stationed in Okinawa can visit places such as Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium, Bios no Oka, and Neo Park Okinawa. These attractions offer a mix of marine life, nature, animals, and outdoor activities that work well for families with younger children.

Do you need to speak Japanese to explore off base?

No. Knowing some basic Japanese can be helpful, but you do not need to be fluent to start exploring. Many major family attractions have English information available, and translation apps can make navigating signs, menus, and transportation much easier.

How a Local Run Club Helped Me Find Community After My First PCS

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How a Local Run Club Helped Me Find Community After My First PCS

As a lifelong Chicagoan, I never imagined myself living in a place like Sierra Vista, Arizona. Home to Fort Huachuca, and now me, it was discovering a local run club that made my first permanent change of station (PCS) as a new Army spouse easier. 

Having grown up in Chicago and gone to college in the suburbs, I’ve never had to “relearn” how to make friends. During our dating and engagement, my now-husband was stationed in Europe. Those long visits were filled with skiing in the Alps, visiting European cities, and spending countless weekends exploring. It was more of an extended honeymoon than a dose of real military life.

My First PCS Was Nothing Like Military Life in Europe

After our wedding, the real dose finally came with my first PCS. Permanently going from a city of millions to a town of less than 45,000 was intimidating. As this was my first rodeo as a military spouse, I knew I had to put myself out there. The advice from seasoned spouses I was continually given was “just show up.” While I attended some events on Fort Huachuca, it was a priority for me to find a community off-post that wasn’t necessarily directly tied to the military.

That’s where the Sierra Vista Run Club came in. I’ve been a runner for about two years, but I’d never dared to try running with other people. Something about the idea of people seeing how slow I am or having to try and have a conversation while panting up a hill was just plain intimidating to me. Yet the voices of so many of my military spouse pals kept coming back to me, saying: If you want community, you have to show up.

How a Local Run Club Helped Me Find Community After My First PCS

The Advice I Kept Hearing: Just Show Up

So I did. I went to my first run club. As I pulled into the parking lot of the local park, I felt a twinge of anxiety. I saw people clearly dressed for a run chatting, and I walked right on up to them. “Hi, I’m Cait. Are you guys the run club folks?” was my opening line. Instantly, all of my anxieties went away. The members of the club immediately welcomed me to the area and made me feel welcome. 

After that Thursday night, I kept showing up. Every week I made it my goal to talk to a new person, and even start conversations while we were running. It worked. Even a few weeks in, I found myself greeted by name at run club, cheered on by people who recognized me during our local 5K race, and getting those coveted kudos on my runs posted on Strava. In less than two months, I felt that I had found a community simply by showing up and doing something hard together every week.

While we’ve only been at Fort Huachuca a few months, I already got a phone call asking me to join a running relay team in the new year. I’ve found myself eating homemade tacos in the back of a local cycling shop owned by one of the run club members. I went from feeling like the only person I knew was my husband to having a laundry list of people I could call up to go on a run or simply hang out over some good food. 

Trying to Make Friends After a PCS?

You do not have to find your best friends immediately. Start by finding one activity you already enjoy and keep showing up.

  • Look for clubs, sports, hobbies, volunteer groups, or community events.
  • Go even if showing up alone feels uncomfortable.
  • Introduce yourself to one person.
  • Come back the next week.
  • Give new friendships time to grow.

Sometimes finding your people at a new duty station really does begin with simply showing up.

Finding Community After a PCS Can Start With One Small Step

All of this happened because I showed up. If you’re like me and are making your first move to a town that supports a military installation, I’ll say the same thing I was told: Just show up. Ultimately, most people are searching for community and are more willing than you realize to open themselves up to new friends. Whether it’s running or something entirely different, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and keep showing up at events. You just might find your community. 

Cait Kontalis Kowal is a Chicago native, but currently resides in the greater Tucson, Arizona area. She’s a full-time freelance journalist and content writer. She holds a BA in Business Communications and an MA in Nonprofit Management. 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cait-kowal-482bb7197/
Muckrack: https://muckrack.com/cait-kontalis

Why Your Military PCS History Matters More Than You Think

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Military families, depending on their time in the service, will go through many permanent changes of station, a PCS. While this is no doubt stressful and some record-keeping may fall by the wayside as a result, history has shown that it may be very beneficial for military families to keep good track of their moves.

This doesn’t have to be a massive undertaking, but it should become part of every PCS. Record the address, the date of service, the installations, where you will be working, and any renovations that may be done.

Housing and Environmental Concerns Can Show Up Later

One environmental concern military families may encounter in housing is mold. Mold exposure can cause respiratory irritation, aggravating asthma and other existing respiratory conditions. If someone develops persistent breathing problems years later, knowing where they lived could give a healthcare provider much-needed additional context. However, it doesn’t stop at just mold, nor does it stop at the housing itself.

The Department of Veterans Affairs has even helped process these concerns with the VA’s Military Environmental Exposure Assessments (MEEA), which document all of your concerns and potential exposure histories, including work stations. According to the VA, this exposure spans a wide range: chemicals, air pollutants, contaminated water, radiation, burn pits, chemical warfare agents, and other toxic substances. Knowing where you were stationed and for what period with 100% certainty is a massive help.

Lesser-Known Hazards in Your Home

Over the past few decades, military bases have been renovated, closed, or demolished due to health concerns associated with them. According to the Mesothelioma Veteran Center, asbestos in army barracks has been found as recently as 2022! Asbestos exposure can result in asbestosis as long as 50 years after contact. While you may change station to somewhere that is safe as far as we know now, it could, in a decade or more, be recognized as a potential risk.

Unfortunately, these concerns can extend to the family as well. A hazard like asbestos can lead to secondary exposure, as seen in cases like the now-defunct Fort McLellan. Asbestos would find its way onto the service member who would bring it home, potentially exposing their family to it as well.

It is crucial to note that not every military base that has a hazard will have affected everyone who was stationed there. This is part of the reason good record keeping is so crucial. What may be considered a benign condition may come under a lot more scrutiny if your PCS history shows a 5 year stay at an installation that is later suspected to have potentially exposed service members (or their families) to asbestos, lead, mold, or toxic chemicals.

PCS Record Keeping Does Not Have to Be Complicated

Just because bases have had exposure risks in the past doesn’t mean it will definitely happen again. Your average PCS will likely not expose you to such a harmful hazard, but because it has a possibility, keeping track of where you moved and for how long can be instrumental in supporting your family’s health long-term.

Military spouses often become the unofficial historian of their family’s life, keeping copies of orders, addresses, and school records. Keeping a good record of a problematic PCS doesn’t have to be much different. The goal isn’t to worry about every house or every base, it is simply to keep the history. Keep notes about significant housing or environmental problems alongside the address and date/duration of the PCS. If an unexplained health issue eventually arises, a healthcare provider could make use of that history.

While a PCS may only last a year or two, the record you keep could remain useful for a lifetime.

Your PCS Record-Keeping Checklist

After each military move, save a simple record of where your family lived and anything significant that happened while you were there.

  • Address and duty station: Keep the complete address and installation name.
  • Dates: Record when you moved in and when you moved out.
  • Orders: Save copies of PCS orders and other relevant military documents.
  • Housing problems: Keep records of mold, leaks, renovations, maintenance requests, or other major concerns.
  • Photos and paperwork: Save photographs, emails, inspection reports, and repair documentation when something significant occurs.
  • Work locations: Service members may also want to document units, work sites, deployments, and known occupational or environmental concerns.

Frequently Asked Questions About Keeping PCS Records

What records should military families keep after a PCS?

Military families may want to keep PCS orders, addresses, move-in and move-out dates, installation information, housing inspection documents, maintenance requests, photographs, and notes about significant housing or environmental concerns.

Why should military families keep old addresses?

Keeping old addresses can help families reconstruct where they lived and when. That information may later be useful for school, employment, benefits, housing, or health-related questions.

What is the Individual Longitudinal Exposure Record?

The Individual Longitudinal Exposure Record, or ILER, is a military system that brings together documented occupational and environmental exposure information from a service member’s military career.

What should I save if military housing has mold or another serious problem?

Consider saving photographs, maintenance requests, emails, inspection reports, repair records, dates, and information about where the problem occurred. If you have health concerns, discuss them with an appropriate health care provider.

Life as a National Guard Spouse in a Non-Military Community

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Life as a National Guard Spouse in a Non-Military Community

Being a military spouse, specifically a National Guard spouse in a non-military community, comes with a unique set of experiences. Experiences I’ve lived through for over 12 years. 

What It Feels Like to Be a National Guard Spouse in a Non-Military Community

There are moments when you realize that the people around you may not fully understand what it means to build a life around drill schedules, weeks-long or months-long training events, natural disaster response missions, deployments overseas, uncertainty, saying goodbye, or constantly adjusting to, well, the military. Sometimes, even when wonderful people surround you, you can still feel a little alone when unit members and family members are spread across your state.

But being in a non-military community has also taught me that connection doesn’t have to come from people who have lived the same experience. It can come from people who are willing to listen, learn, show up, and become part of your story.

“Connection doesn’t have to come from people who have lived the same experience.”

How Our National Guard Life Began

Let me start with just a tiny backstory: my husband joined the guard right before our second wedding anniversary. We had just found our footing in our new jobs and the new city we were living in, but after many conversations and my support, he enlisted and left for basic training. Thankfully, we had gotten a dog for our first anniversary, which at least ensured I got outside while he was gone.

I’ve lived this life with and without kids and pets, so here are a few tips and tricks I have learned along the way. I don’t want to sound cliché and call my community my village; but honestly, I think the better term is that they are my people, and I am forever grateful. 

Be Honest About the Guard Schedule

I know it can feel weird at first to explain over and over why your partner isn’t an event, but over time people begin to understand, figure out your schedule, and start asking questions. Now it almost feels second nature to most who know us; when I show up alone, it’s not “Oh, where is your partner?”, it’s “Aw man, it’s drill weekend, isn’t it?” We can all laugh now, take tons of photos, and at school events people start to send me photos and videos they grabbed while I juggled my three kids. 

Say Yes When You Can

If you have kids or pets, it may take extra planning to go to that dinner or event while your partner is away, but take the time to figure it out. Those dinners, coffees, and events have been some of the places where I have found some of my best friends, and they also helped me reset. We can get so stuck in the hamster wheel of waiting to hear from our partner and keeping our daily lives going that we forget to take a moment for ourselves. 

Answer the Text

I laugh as I type that because it takes me at least 3 to 5 business days to answer a text, but eventually I do. Your community will start to check on you in their own way. Maybe it’s just a “how are you doing,” or maybe others may send a funny meme, while some will just send you an emoji to let you know they are thinking of you. Answer the text or even the email. Some people have come into my life and moved away, but still remember my partner is in the National Guard and text to check in. 

Go to FRG, SFRG, and Unit Events

This may sound like an advertisement, but I promise it’s not. As Guard spouses, we are usually the only ones in our town because we do not live on military installations. At our FRG or unit events, we finally get to meet not only the people our partners spend so much time with, but their partners too.

We may only see each other once a year at these events or become passing Facebook friends, but when you take the time to catch up, everyone remembers what’s going on at home and checks in on each other. They are worth the time, and most partners feel the same way you do, which helps us feel less alone in all of this! 

A Reminder for National Guard Spouses

Being a National Guard spouse in a non-military community can feel lonely, especially when the people around you do not fully understand drill weekends, training, deployments, or the military side of your life.

  • Be honest about what military life looks like. The people who care about you can learn how to support you.
  • Say yes when you can. Dinner, coffee, school events, and small invitations can become places where real friendships grow.
  • Let people check on you. A text, meme, emoji, or quick message can be someone’s way of showing they care.
  • Go to unit events when possible. FRG, SFRG, and unit events can help you connect with people who understand this life in a different way.

Is this a perfect list? No, but I hope that if you’re reading this, you don’t feel so alone and put one of these tips into action. I’m in your corner!

Bio: Ashley has been a military spouse for over 12 years while her husband serves in the Army National Guard. They have three kids and a Great Dane.

Frequently Asked Questions About Being a National Guard Spouse

Is being a National Guard spouse different from being an active-duty military spouse?

Yes, it can be different. National Guard spouses often live in civilian communities instead of on or near military installations, which can make it harder to find people nearby who understand drill weekends, training, deployments, and military life.

How can National Guard spouses find community?

National Guard spouses can find community by being honest with local friends, saying yes to invitations when possible, answering check-in texts, attending FRG or unit events, and connecting with other Guard families through their spouse’s unit or state family program.

Should National Guard spouses go to FRG or unit events?

Yes, if they are able to. FRG, SFRG, and unit events can help Guard spouses meet other families connected to the unit, ask questions, and feel less alone in a community where military families may be spread out.

What is hard about being a National Guard spouse in a non-military community?

One hard part is that friends, coworkers, neighbors, and school families may not fully understand how military life affects your schedule, parenting, emotions, and family life. That can feel isolating, even when you are surrounded by kind people.

What It Actually Costs to Ship Your Car During a PCS in 2026

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What It Actually Costs to Ship Your Car During a PCS in 2026

How Much Does It Cost to Ship a Car During a PCS?

If you’ve got PCS orders and two vehicles, one problem shows up fast: you can only drive one of them. A spouse flies ahead, the second car won’t make the trip, or you’re headed somewhere a cross-country drive just doesn’t make sense. Shipping the car becomes the obvious fix — but nobody tells you what it actually costs until you’re already stressed and calling around. Here’s the real 2026 picture, minus the sales pitch.

The Short Answer: Typical PCS Car Shipping Costs in 2026

For a standard car moving cross-country (say, Fort Cavazos/Fort Hood, TX to Fort Liberty/Fort Bragg, NC — around 1,200 miles), expect roughly $900–$1,400 on an open carrier in 2026. Shorter regional moves (300–500 miles) usually run $500–$800. Coast-to-coast (2,500+ miles) lands around $1,400–$1,900. Enclosed transport — worth it for a classic or low sports car, overkill for a daily driver — adds 40–60% on top.

What Affects the Cost to Ship a Car?

  • Distance — but not linearly. Longer moves cost more total, but less per mile.
  • Vehicle size — a lifted truck or full-size SUV costs more than a sedan.
  • Open vs enclosed — open is what ~95% of PCS families use; enclosed is premium protection you probably don’t need.
  • Pickup/drop-off location — right on a major interstate is cheap; a remote duty station or rural address costs more.
  • Timing — the big one for military families (below).

Will the Military Pay to Ship Your Car During a PCS?

Sometimes — and this trips up a lot of families. For most OCONUS moves, the government ships one privately owned vehicle for you. For CONUS PCS moves, you’re generally reimbursed for driving (mileage/MALT + per diem), not for shipping — so if you’d rather ship, it’s usually on your dime. Before you pay anyone, confirm your specific entitlement with your TMO / transportation office. Rules vary by move type and change year to year — don’t take a broker’s word for what the military covers.

Before You Ship a Car During a PCS

Shipping a vehicle can make PCS life easier, especially for two-car families, but it is worth slowing down before you book.

  • Confirm your entitlement first. Ask your TMO or transportation office what your specific orders cover before paying out of pocket.
  • Run the real math. Compare shipping costs with gas, hotels, meals, time off work, wear and tear, and plane tickets.
  • Book early during PCS season. Summer moves often mean higher demand, higher prices, and tighter pickup windows.
  • Get more than one quote. A quote that is far lower than the others can be a red flag, not a lucky break.

Should You Ship or Drive Your Second Car?

Driving: MALT + per diem, minus gas, hotels, food, wear on the car, and 2–4 days on I-40. Shipping: the transport quote + a plane ticket for whoever isn’t driving the other car. For a lot of two-car families, once you add a flight and a couple hotel nights to the “drive” column, shipping the second car comes out close to even — and you arrive rested instead of wrecked. Plug your route into a car-shipping cost calculator for a real number before you decide.

Timing is Everything During PCS Season

Peak PCS season (May–August) is also peak demand for auto transport: carriers get picky, prices climb, pickup windows stretch. Two things help:

  1. Book 2–3 weeks out, not two days.
  2. Stay flexible on the pickup date — a 3–4 day window beats “must be Tuesday.”

If your orders land in summer, assume the higher end of those ranges and book early.

How to Avoid Overpaying for PCS Car Shipping

  • Get 3 quotes. A number far below the others isn’t a deal — it’s a lowball to hook you, and the car often sits until they raise it.
  • Know broker vs. carrier. Most companies you call are brokers posting your job to carriers — that’s normal. Don’t pay a large deposit up front; a small booking fee is fine, balance due on delivery.
  • Confirm insurance. Ask for the carrier’s cargo insurance certificate; your personal auto policy usually won’t cover transport damage.
  • Do the inspection. Photograph the car at pickup and delivery and note existing dings on the bill of lading — that paperwork is your only leverage if damage shows up.

Bottom Line for Military Families Shipping a Car

Shipping a car during a PCS in 2026 runs most families $900–$1,400 for a typical cross-country move, more in summer and for bigger vehicles. Confirm what the military covers with your TMO first, get a real estimate for your route, book a couple weeks out, and get three quotes. Do that, and the second car shows up in one piece while you keep your sanity — which, mid-PCS, is worth a lot.

Frequently Asked Questions About Shipping a Car During a PCS

How much does it cost to ship a car during a PCS?

The cost depends on distance, vehicle size, location, timing, and whether you choose open or enclosed transport. For many cross-country moves in 2026, families may see quotes around $900–$1,400 for a standard car on an open carrier, but your exact route can change the price.

Will the military pay to ship my car during a PCS?

It depends on your orders and move type. For many OCONUS moves, the government may pay to ship one privately owned vehicle. For many CONUS moves, families usually drive or pay to ship a vehicle themselves and receive authorized travel allowances instead. Always confirm with your TMO or transportation office.

Is it better to ship or drive a second car during a PCS?

Run the numbers both ways. Driving may be cheaper, but shipping can save time, stress, hotel nights, gas, wear and tear, and the challenge of getting two vehicles across the country.

How can military families avoid overpaying for car shipping?

Get at least three quotes, check whether you are dealing with a broker or carrier, verify registration and insurance, avoid suspiciously low quotes, and take photos during pickup and delivery.

9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

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By Melonie Kennedy

This is it. We’re handing in the keys to our on-post housing in a few days, then my husband will begin terminal leave. After sixteen years of marriage, seven duty stations, several deployments, and so many TDY’s I can’t even remember them all, it’s over. He’s out. The End.

Retirement is a huge transition for him, of course, after twenty years in the Army. I didn’t expect, however, what a big jump this would mean for me. This is a scary new beginning, perhaps the scariest of them all. I’ve tried to avoid wool-gathering and prepare just like any other PCS. As ready as I am to get into this next chapter, though, I’m also not feeling ready. It’s not just another PCS. There’s so much up in the air, and that leads me to lesson one: 

Remember military retirement is a major life change! As accustomed as we are to moving frequently and reestablishing a home base every few years, this time there’s a big difference. We’re in a new division of the military community: The Retirees. Our mission now as a family is to figure out what comes next and create a new battle rhythm that may be like nothing we’ve ever experienced before. 

Additionally, as with normal PCSs, there may be a grieving process, especially if you’re moving from your final duty station as part of the retirement process. We’re saying goodbye to friends, getting those last tourist bucket list things marked off, taking steps to find a job, and shepherding a teen through the same changes all while getting him ready for college. As exciting as this new adventure is, it’s full of questions. That takes me to lesson two:

Communication is key – and not just with the various agencies your service member is dealing with on the military side! It’s okay to say you’re not okay. Consider scheduling in downtime for yourself and as a couple. We, military spouses, are incredibly resilient people, but resilience is built up when we have purposely created a buffer zone. Whether it’s a facial or a coffee date, sometimes talking to a therapist via Telehealth or simply curling up with a book for an hour – account for the fact that this is a huge transition period that automatically comes with stress, and account for the fact that mindfulness during the transition is vital. Having grown up an Army brat, then spending this long as a military wife, I kind of don’t know where I stand anymore, and I’ve had to observe and unpack those feelings. This takes us to lesson three: 

You’re not alone. It may feel like it some days, just like it may have at times in your spouse’s military career. They, and you, are not cast aside and left to drift and figure this out on your own! From the moment retirement appears on the horizon, start finding your support folks; as Mr. Rogers advised, “Look for the helpers.”

I was pleasantly surprised to learn how many resources there are out there for transitioning families. Get in touch with the folks at your branch’s Transition Assistance Program (TAP) office early. We spouses are invited to attend as well because TAP isn’t just about military paperwork. The TAP office my husband worked with offered links to resumé workshops, seminars on VA home loans, and much more. Going through TAP early leaves you time to go back through if you’d like to dig deeper and ask the TAP reps questions on a second go-round.

Another great option is the USO, which sponsors a wide variety of in-person and virtual seminars. They cover more topics than I can even list here, and the schedules accommodate for locations worldwide. There are also the Veterans Service Organization (VSO) representatives, who are individuals accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) to help ensure service members have access to qualified representation during the VA claim process. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) and several other organizations have accredited VSOs available; a full list of VA-recognized VSOs is available via the Veterans Affairs website.

Lastly, don’t forget to start making connections within military retiree organizations and civic groups within your community, especially if you are moving with children. They will gain assistance putting down new roots through community options just like they’ve done every move, and now those roots can include a nice taproot into their home turf!

As you may have noticed, the more lead time you have before retirement, the better. We made the decision for my husband to submit his retirement request about eighteen months out from his projected departure date, which left time to get things rolling on several fronts. That takes us into lessons four through seven, which have a big point in common: make use of any waiting period you have until retirement!

Get your house in order, especially your finances. If you’re not already debt-free, try to get there. This will help you get a solid footing when the service member’s pay changes from their active duty rate to their retirement pension. This foundation also provides an assist with the timing of the first retirement check, any VA benefits the military retiree is awarded, and the arrival of paychecks if they will be employed after their military time ends. If there’s a lag time on funds, you’re still good to go if you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck at this stage.

Save, save, save! As with any other PCS, there will be costs affiliated with your move. If you own a home away from your final duty station, you’ve got to get there. While certain costs will be reimbursed after a move, you may be in a situation where you’re receiving BAH during terminal leave, so hotel stays will be accounted differently. Then of course there are the usual things that feel like they nickel and dime us to death every move: getting groceries again, the random little things that are needed in a new home, meals on the road, and so forth. Even if you are already living in your forever home, with all these changes, costs will come up. Having as much put away for a rainy day as possible is always to your benefit.

Speaking of financial matters: while you’re anxiously awaiting The Big Day, make the most of your time and get life insurance before the service member gets their VA physical. In some cases, automatically switching from Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) to Veterans Group Life Insurance (VGLI) may not actually be your most cost-effective plan. The same applies for spouses and other dependents currently insured through Family Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance.

While sticking with the known entity with no medical questions or exclusions may be tempting, if you’re in fairly good health, it is well worth your time to sit down with a few companies and get some quotes for coverage. My husband contacted three companies for quotes and we were able to compare all coverage, terms, and costs over a weekend and choose the one that was the best fit for us. (Why do this before the VA physical? Findings documented by the VA may affect rates and coverage availability.)

On our last point about time and money: encourage your service member to use this time to use Credentialing Assistance and Tuition Assistance if at all possible. Don’t leave money on the table! They can earn certifications to build their resumé and build their employability, or work toward a college degree without using their GI Bill on active duty. There are also many free and low-cost certification and schooling options available for military spouses to take advantage of; you’ll learn about some of them through the TAP sessions and the USO’s offerings, but another great place to find helpful organizations and programs is LinkedIn.

That takes us to lesson eight, one that was a real shocker for me: LinkedIn is your friend, milspouses! I’ve personally had a LinkedIn account for over a decade and really didn’t get much use out of it. Like many people, I thought LinkedIn was “social media for suits”. Since getting more active on the platform in early 2021, I’ve had my eyes opened to the many possibilities LinkedIn offers, particularly for those of us with military affiliations.

There is a wealth of opportunities for networking with other folks in our community; start with #militaryspouse, then look for groups specific to spouses or to your area of employment interest. There are also job listings, information about hiring fairs (on and off base and virtual), and ways to find franchise opportunities specifically for veterans. Add in the fact that we spouses can receive a year of LinkedIn Premium for free through Military OneSource’s Spouse Education & Career Opportunities (MySECO), and you’ve got another great reason to sign up or really start using your LinkedIn account to its full potential. The Premium version allows access to LinkedIn Learning and a variety of other professional tools that users may find helpful in networking and job hunts.

My two cents, with no affiliation to the company on my part: LinkedIn is worth it for you and your retiree-to-be, whether you’re looking for work post-military or want to be able to mentor and guide others following in your footsteps. It’s actually the way I connected with Julie, our wonderful hostess here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, and can share these thoughts with you about our retirement journey!

And now we’re at lesson nine: Have the Ceremony.

My soldier is not big on pomp and circumstance. I’m an introvert, quite content that the bulk of my “peopling” is done via email thanks to working from home for two decades. There was to be no retirement ceremony. We were simply going to load the U-Haul and quietly ride off into the sunset.

My husband’s commander saw things differently and put his foot down. You don’t give twenty years of your life to the military and just slip away; you deserve recognition and closure. There had to be some sort of ceremony. 

We huffed and puffed and gave in on the matter, setting up a fairly intimate shindig at a favorite restaurant. We added in a presentation of a military “brat” coin and a certificate of appreciation for our son. Some family members were able to make it, as well as a large group from the unit, and some good friends we’ve bumped into at multiple duty stations. As luck would have it, we had soldiers there from the beginning of my spouse’s active time, the middle, and the end.

There were stories told, plenty of laughs, and more tears than expected. We introduced our non-military family members to a side of my husband that they hadn’t seen during visits and the usual tours of housing and the Exchange; it gave his friends a chance to celebrate with him; it gave us a chance to recognize the resilience of our son, who like me, has been a dandelion child floating around the world at the behest of Uncle Sam. 

Barbecue and cake were served, and in the end, we were incredibly grateful to the leader who called for the touching sendoff. So no matter how large or how small you make it, please schedule in a time to celebrate your service member, yourself, and all involved in getting you to this point. You’ve made it. Happy military retirement – here’s to your next adventure!

Melonie Kennedy is a military wife, homeschooling mom, author, and small business owner. Connect with her at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meloniek/

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

I just spend 3 hours on the phone with a spouse friend discussing spouses going through their first deployment. She’s a seasoned spouse who has been through her own trials and tribulations with deployments. I am a spouse going through my first deployment.

The more we talked the more I realized how different all her experiences are from my first. I guess the bottom line is it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or you’re tenth deployment. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 6-month deployment or a year deployment. It all sucks. So, the question is how to embrace the suck of a deployment.

I use the saying embrace the suck a lot when talking about my deployment experience. It’s become my deployment motto. It sounds harsh but it’s true.

When you are dealing with a deployment you must embrace the suck. We don’t like it. We don’t want to do it. It’s hard.

But there is nothing we can do about it. The truth is….it sucks, and we must rise to the occasion and survive it. So…. embrace the suck.

There is a lot of negative feelings surrounding the word deployment. When I married the military, I never heard one good thing that involved a deployment. It’s either terrible or sad.

The only good thing I can remember seeing or hearing is the welcome home videos online. Those are like Hallmark movies and always hit you in the feel-goods. Doesn’t matter how tough you are, watch one of those videos and you will cry! Outside of the welcome home, there isn’t a lot of good being said about a deployment.

So…. I’m going to share my suck and the positives of my first deployment. Here’s my advice for spouses going through their first deployment. Are you ready?!?!?

Pre-deployment is terrible. 

There will be fighting. You will not see eye to eye on anything. You as a spouse will want to cherish everything you do together or as a family. You will want to cling to him, hug him, kiss him and you will cry a lot. 

He will not. He is preparing to leave you. Most service members take this time to emotionally separate from their spouses. 

Do not take this personally. They are packing bags and getting ready to do one of the hardest things they have to do……leave their families. It’s not easy for them to walk away but it’s their duty. Understand that it’s mission first and their way of dealing with being away from you at this point.

Once they leave, they will call home and sound super happy and excited. 

You will not be being happy or excited. You will still be sad and adjusting to your empty house, your new single parent responsibilities, or an empty house. 

They will be living their best life. I know this is hard to understand but that’s a good thing. You want them to be happy. You want them to be excited. 

I once told a spouse who was frustrated with this. It’s so much better to hear your deployed spouse is living their best life than them calling you miserable. If they call you miserable, that’s when you understand you cannot help them.

It will break your heart; you will feel completely helpless and, in all honesty, there is nothing you can do for them. So, when your spouse calls home telling you how amazing it that’s a good thing. Even when life isn’t that great for you now.

I will say I am not one of those spouses who will tell you to hide your emotions from your deployed spouse.

I know there are a lot of spouses out there that will tell you not to tell your service member the bad stuff going on at home. You’re supposed to tell them it’s all rainbows, sunshine, and glitter. You’re not supposed to cry. 

However, I am one of those spouses that will tell you to openly communicate with your service member. Your service member needs to know how you are feeling, that you miss them, that it’s been a hard day and that Murphy moved into your home.

I’m not saying blow the phone up but don’t emotionally shut down. Your service member still needs to know things just like when they are having a hard time, they will need you.

Murphy will move into your home. 

Murphy’s law says if it will go wrong it will. Murphy will be like the boyfriend you can’t break up with. Stuff you never imaged would happen will happen.

You will have to watch YouTube videos and learn to do all kinds of stuff you never dreamed you would do. Keep in mind this is a good thing and brag to your service member. After all, not every spouse can fix a hot water heater! FYI lawn mowers need oil. Not sure who needs to hear this, but they do!

Your service member will have hard days. 

There will be days when something happens, and they need you. You need to be able to give them a pep talk.

Love them from a distance and be supportive. Even when you are having a bad day. You need to be prepared to be there for them. Sometimes at the end of the day, they might be having a harder day than you are. Please recognize that and support them the best way you can.

Find your tribe!!! 

And I don’t mean a tribe of civilian friends. I mean a tribe of military friends. A tribe that can understand, keep your secrets, and gives you guidance. I would not be able to survive all the cray of a deployment without my tribe of military spouses. They will guide you, love one (even from afar), and being your sounding board. You cannot do a deployment without a military spouse tribe.

Prepare yourself for the phone calls, texts, and video chats to tapper off. 

There will come a time when the communication slacks off. This does not mean something is wrong. This means your service member is doing their job or enjoying some downtime. 

Try not to take it personally if you do not feel emotionally connected to your service member. They are getting into their new normal just like you are. It’s a process.

I know it’s hard, it was for me. I didn’t like my husband being so far away and not wanting to constantly talk to me. But just like you are living your new life alone they are there to do a job so they can get back home to you.

Take some time to grieve. 

It took me two months to pick up my husbands’ shoes off the living room floor or to fold the last load of his laundry. Leave it there until you are ready. When you are you will know. There is not a rule book on how to handle these kinds of things. It’s hard. Take your time. When you’re ready to pick the shoes up, you will. 

Take this time apart as a positive thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard, there will be bad days but try new things. Find new hobbies, go to school, focus on work, eat junk food in bed, and watch whatever you want on TV. Deployments do not mean it’s the end of a marriage or the world. It can be a great time for you to self-reflect and discover new things about yourself.

Remember deployment is temporary. 

I know going into a 13-month deployment it felt like it would last forever. It’s temporary. Your service member will come home. Everything you’re going through or will go through is temporary. Just keep that in the back of your mind, it will eventually end.

There will be anxiety when the end is coming.

I have not personally experienced the end of a deployment, yet. My husband is still gone right now. However, I did get to watch a homecoming of my best friend and her husband. 

Don’t worry about the perfect coming home outfit. Wear something comfortable. You really don’t know how you will react when you see your service member. 

When I saw my friend see her husband for the first time, she ran to him, threw her shoes off, and jumped in his arms. I realized I needed to wear pants and tennis shoes after watching them. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Cue the Hallmark movie theme music and tears.

Finally, remember you are a military spouse! 

You married the military. You love your service member. You are strong. You have made it through TDYs, PCS, Schools, trainings, and anything else the military world throws at you. 

Some of you have had babies without your spouses, have raised babies without your spouse, faced all kinds of obstacles without your spouse and who knows what else. We can do this, and we will do this!

You will get through all the suck. You will cry, you will be lonely, you will have great days, you will have terrible days. It’s part of it but at the end of the day, YOU CAN DO IT!!! It’s what makes Military spouses special!

The best advice I can give it try to enjoy yourself. Take a vacation. Enjoy your alone time.

Spend time with friends and family. Go to school. Dive into work. Work in your yard. Crochet a blanket. Whatever it is that you have always wanted to do……do it!!!

It’s the perfect time to discover who you are. Love yourself and the time will pass. Remember embrace the suck. That’s all you can do. Embrace the suck and live your best life.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

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Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

When I found out I was pregnant, it was not the picture-perfect moment my husband and I had envisioned. There was an image in our minds of an orchestrated and planned reveal. At the very least, we thought we would find out together. But when I took a pregnancy test on a whim a couple of months after we got married, our whole lives changed. We were overjoyed to be parents, but I was also filled with anxiety about what that would look like thousands of miles from home. 

I was symptom-free, but I had a sneaking anxiety in the back of my mind that only a test could quiet. I fully expected it to be as negative as it had been the month before, so I didn’t wait for my husband to come home from work. 

However, instead of the strong, single line that I expected, there was a noticeable second staring back at me. It was the middle of the night on the East Coast, but I immediately video called my mom, holding the test up to the screen. Was I seeing this right? Was that a second line? Even though she was half asleep, she confirmed, yes, I was reading that right. That’s a second line; you’re pregnant. 

I immediately called my husband in tears, overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. When I told him I had just taken a pregnancy test, he promised he would drive back as soon as he could. I found a digital test that gave me my answer in no uncertain terms. I was going to be a mom, and my lifelong dream of starting my own family was coming true. 

I was so happy and had been wanting to be a mom for as long as I could remember. However, I was also so nervous about this pregnancy. Being on a small, relatively remote island means that mothers and babies can be sent to Japan or Hawaii for more intensive and specialized care. I was worried about something going wrong and needing to fly for hours to get the resources my baby or I would need.

My mom had been hospitalized and suffered from severe morning sickness with both of her pregnancies, and I worried I would face similar challenges without my support systems. In this moment of massive change, I ached with homesickness for my mom and all that was familiar. I was on the literal other side of the world, and while I had made peace with that fact, this massive change rocked my confidence. 

When I went in for my first appointment, I was immediately struck by the reality of our projected summer move, which was less than a year away. Sure, there was the to-do list of setting up a nursery that would need to be packed away almost as soon as it was put to use, but there was also the pressure to get our baby a passport as soon as possible to prepare for an overseas move. I was lucky, though, to have my husband with me at every appointment. His calm and confidence were so needed to steady my bundle of nerves before and during those early appointments.

I waited with dread and anxious anticipation for the debilitating morning sickness to arrive, but to my great relief, I was spared from that painful fate. I was nauseous throughout the first trimester, so while I normally enjoyed grocery shopping and cooking dinner, my husband and I had a steady diet of beige colored foods.

Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

Baked potatoes, crackers, cereal, and toast became my best friends, and while I didn’t always feel my best, I still managed to work part-time and get some errands done. I waited with bated breath for the worst-case scenarios of bed rest and hospitalization, but they never came. I wasn’t feeling like myself, but I was managing. I could sigh with a little relief as I inched closer and closer to the second trimester and things continued to progress without concern.

The scariest moment for me was when I caught the flu at the beginning of my second trimester. I went from feeling fine to having full body aches like I’ve never experienced in my life. Even lying on the bed was painful, but that was all I could manage. My husband came home as early as he could in the evenings, but I spent hours alone, wishing we weren’t such a long and expensive plane ride away from home. While the two weeks of sickness and recovery felt endless, they passed, and our baby was just as healthy as before. I faced down my fears and came out the other side tired but stronger than before. 

In the months that followed, we were able to travel to Saipan, Kyoto, Tokyo, Virginia, and Florida as a couple, and I was able to make a trip to Virginia on my own as well. We had the good fortune of seeing both of our families, and spending time traveling with my husband did me a world of good. With his busy schedule and my transition to part-time and freelance work, it’s been easy to feel lonely, anxious, and unmotivated, but getting to explore new and familiar cities with our favorite people reinvigorated me every time.

I worried before every trip about the plane ride and the possibility of something going wrong, but every time, none of my worst fears proved themselves to be true. I began to believe with real confidence that everything was going to be okay. In fact, it was better than okay. Things were genuinely going well. 

My mom hosted a virtual baby shower for me, and both of our families logged onto Zoom to offer their support. We’ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of our family and friends in the States and our newfound community here in Guam. My husband’s coworkers have been incredibly generous in passing down baby items that their own children have outgrown, and our families and friends have helped to purchase the essentials. Our hallway quickly filled with Amazon deliveries and handmade blankets accompanied by words of love and support. We may not be physically nearby, but we are never far from their hearts. 

We found out that our PCS will be moved to the fall, and having at least two unexpected extra months before our next overseas move has given me infinitely less stress and infinitely more confidence. Traveling with a 5-month-old instead of a 3-month-old doesn’t sound like a big difference, but it means the world when you’re scrambling to get a Social Security card, passport, a reasonable amount of sleep, and enough visits to the pediatrician to assure yourself that a plane ride to another country is a good idea. Again, the things I most feared seemed to be less scary in the light of day. Life, with all of its complexities and curveballs, has a way of working itself out, even when we doubt it will. 

With every obstacle I feared or faced, it felt as though a guardian angel had been watching over our baby girl and us. My anxieties have been assuaged as each day passes without catastrophe, and while there’s been bumps in the road, homesickness, and the discomforts that come with pregnancy, there’s been such a growing excitement and peace as the due date creeps ever closer.

Giving birth overseas was not something I had planned for, and while my heart aches that we’ll be crossing milestones so far from our family, I know we have so much to look forward to when we get to visit (and eventually move back to) the States. While military marriages are filled with unexpected obstacles and unique challenges, life has a way of offering us support and strength when we need it the most. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

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