Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Finding Your Inner Deployment Strength as a Military Spouse

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Finding Your Inner Deployment Strength

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It was the song, just something about the song that snapped me out of my deployment funk. It wasn’t the lyrics really, just the beat. The way the music made me feel.

We were at the end of my husband’s 2nd deployment. I was struggling a bit. He had been gone almost a year and I was so ready for him to be home. But we still had more days left. Too many.

I had taken my son out in a friend’s jogging stroller and I was listening to my iPod. Remember those?

The song, Galway Girl by Steve Earle came on and something hit me. I could do this. I could.

I started to feel strong again. And that we could make it through the rest of this deployment. That we could make it to the finish line.

I had found my inner deployment strength!

That song made me want to dance, and cry, and just show the world that this milspouse was doing it. That she was getting through her husband’s deployment. That she was finding a way to get to that finish line.

And we did. My husband came home soon after and the deployment finally ended. Somehow we made it through. Through all the long days and nights, he was finally home.

I think of that moment all the time. I thought about it during the deployments that came after and even more recent times that my husband has been away. Bringing up that memory reminds me that I am strong enough and can get through what the military life sends my way, and sometimes it sends a lot.

That memory reminds me that I am capable and I can do hard things. That I can get to a place of strength even if it doesn’t always feel like I can. That some days might be difficult but on others, I can feel like I can accomplish anything.

So if you are in the middle of a deployment, remember, you are strong enough for this. You are.

You might not always feel like you are. You might have days when making it to your kid’s bedtime seems impossible. When the thought of three more months seems unreal. When you don’t think you could ever go through another deployment again in the future.

But you will also have days filled with laughter making memories with your kids, or family and friends. You will have days where you can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with your spouse again. You will have days where you will know you got this!

And such is the way of military life. The ups and downs. The good and the bad.

As I look back, I still think about how random it was to be able to find the strength to get through the end of the deployment from a song. But sometimes that’s just how things go.

Sometimes it is a song, or a call from a friend, or even a photo that is the reminder you need to get through this. Sometimes, it doesn’t take too much to help you get to a better place and find your inner deployment strength.

Remember to give yourself grace. Remember you are not alone in this military spouse experience. Remember, this too shall pass.

What is your BEST tip for getting through a deployment???

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

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I had never been to Dollywood before. I grew up going to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Universal Studios, but I had never been to Dollywood.

We were supposed to go in 2020, but that got canceled, and we haven’t been able to try again until now.

In July, we took a family trip to Gatlinburg and spent a day in Dollywood. It was HOT! It was July, and it was the only day of our trip that didn’t rain. But we did have a great time. From roller coasters to shows to other fun water rides, Dollywood can be a great place for families. And military families get a discount.

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

Dollywood, in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, is actually two parks. Dollywood Parks & Resorts includes Dollywood Theme Park and Dollywood’s Splash Country Water Park. You can buy tickets for one park or choose a two-park ticket, depending on how much time you have and what your family wants to do. We just went to the theme park but would love to check out the water park someday.

As someone who grew up going to amusement parks, I wasn’t sure what to expect at Dollywood. To me, it felt a little bit like Knott’s Berry Farm, a little bit like California Adventure with just a touch of Magic Mountain, and maybe a tiny drop of Disney.

There was a lot to do, from the traditional roller coasters to a log flume ride and a rapids ride, my favorites, to shows and restaurants. We also decided to get the all-you-can-drink cups, and that was a good choice, especially on a hot day!

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

What Is the Dollywood Military Discount in 2026?

The Dollywood military discount has several options. These include discounts on annual passes and one and two-day tickets.

Dollywood Military Discount Season Pass Prices

Dollywood Silver Season Pass: $141.49 for adult tickets (10-61)

Dollywood Gold Season Pass: $216.49 for adult tickets (10-61)

Two-Park Silver Season Pass: $196.49 for adult tickets (10-61)

Two-Park Gold Season Pass: $271.49 for adult tickets (10-61)

Summer Splash Pass: $88.49 for adult tickets (10-61)

Dollywood Military Discount Daily Ticket Prices

1-Day Theme Park Tickets: $66.49 for all ages

2-Day Theme Park Tickets: $96.49 for all ages

1-Day Water Park Tickets: $38.49 for all ages

2-Day Water Park Tickets: $68.49 for all ages

1-Day Two-Park Tickets: $76.49 for all ages

2-Day Two-Park Tickets: $106.49 for all ages

Prices can change at any time, so always check Dollywood’s official military discount page before buying tickets.

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

How to Get the Dollywood Military Discount

The Dollywood military discount is available to all US active-duty or retired service members, veterans, and military reservists, as well as their spouses and dependents, with a valid military ID.

You will need to buy your tickets online. You do this by being verified with ID.me. We did this using my husband’s account. We didn’t have to verify each of us individually.

We bought our tickets through Dollywood’s official military discount page, then when we were at the park, they scanned each of our tickets. They did not ask to see a military ID at the gate, but I have read that can happen, so make sure you do have yours handy just in case.

If you are buying a pass, you will need to get your pass card by bringing your confirmation email to the Dollywood front gate ticket windows.

Quick Dollywood Military Discount Tips

  • Buy your tickets online. Dollywood uses ID.me to verify military eligibility for discounted tickets and passes.
  • Check the current prices before you go. Ticket and pass prices can change, so always verify with Dollywood directly.
  • Bring your military ID. Even if your tickets are scanned without issue, it is smart to have your ID with you just in case.
  • Consider your family size. The savings can add up quickly when you are buying tickets for multiple people.

Is the Dollywood Military Discount Worth It for Families?

Yes, I think it is totally worth it. The Dollywood military discount is about 30% off tickets, or about $30 off one-day tickets. This adds up when you have a family too.

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

A Short History of Dollywood

Dollywood began as Rebel Railroad back in 1961. It was owned by the Robbins brothers and included a steam locomotive, a general store, a blacksmith, and a saloon.

The park was then renamed Goldrush Junction in 1964 and switched from a Civil War theme to a Wild West one. In 1977, the park was renamed Silver Dollar City, making it a sister park to the Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri. The newer owners, Jack and Pete Herschend, spent around one million upgrading the park.

In 1986, Dolly Parton bought an interest in Silver Dollar City, and the park was renamed Dollywood. Dolly Parton grew up nearby in Sevier County, Tennessee.

There have, of course, been many more improvements and growth since then, including the opening of the water park, Dollywood’s Splash Country, in 2001.

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

Frequently Asked Questions About the Dollywood Military Discount

Does Dollywood offer a military discount?

Yes, Dollywood offers a military discount on select admission tickets and season passes for eligible military members, veterans, reservists, spouses, and dependents.

Who qualifies for the Dollywood military discount?

Dollywood’s military discount is available to U.S. active or retired military, veterans, military reservists, spouses, and dependents with valid military or dependent IDs verified online through ID.me.

How do you buy Dollywood military discount tickets?

You can purchase Dollywood military discount tickets online after verifying your eligibility through ID.me and signing into or creating a My Dollywood online account.

Is the Dollywood military discount worth it?

For many military families, yes. The discount can save a meaningful amount on daily tickets or season passes, especially when buying tickets for multiple family members.

The Dollywood Military Discount: What Military Families Should Know

Finding Friends as a Military Spouse Is Still Really Important

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Finding Friends as a Military Spouse Is Still Really Important

One piece of advice I have given to military spouses time and time again is to find friends, or find your people. Why? Because I think it is so important.

Why Making Friends in Military Life Matters

Making friends in military life matters, even when it’s hard.

And sometimes I know it can be really hard.

It isn’t always easy to be the new person, even in a place with a lot of new people. It isn’t always easy to find the right people. And honestly, some people aren’t very nice. Just check out any military spouse Facebook group to confirm that.

People can be untrustworthy, flaky, or just downright rude. But that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to find your people.

You see, when you have friends, life is much easier, no matter what you are going through. As military spouses, we go through a lot of difficult things. It only makes sense that friends make it easier.

Why Military Spouses Sometimes Give Up on Friendship

Whether it is a bad experience in the past, heartbreaking situations, or just feeling alone even in a room full of people, it can be hard to make finding friends a priority.

Anytime the subject of friends comes up, I hear some people say it just isn’t worth it. That there are too many untrustworthy people out there. That too many people are just looking out for themselves, and it just hurts too much to pursue any type of friendship.

And all of those feelings are valid. It can be scary putting yourself out there.

Closing Yourself Off Can Make Military Life Harder

If you close yourself off from others, you will miss out on community. You will miss out on the potential for close relationships. You will miss out on making memories that will last forever.

I can’t say that I keep in touch with everyone I have ever befriended during my time as a military spouse. That’s just not possible; however, I always have those memories to keep with me in my heart.

From the group of us spouses that met up every Monday at a coffee shop during a deployment, to playdates and playgroups and MOPS meetings when my kids were a lot younger. All of those memories are such a balm to the soul. And they wouldn’t have been possible if I had closed myself off and refused to take that step to meet new people.

“One bad friendship doesn’t mean you should stop looking for your people.”

One Bad Friendship Doesn’t Have to Define Your Future

There have been times during military life when I realized a “friend” really wasn’t. And that stings. I have shed plenty of tears over it.

But, as much as the idea of sitting it out, sticking to my own family, and not even putting a foot in the friendship pool can be appealing. It’s not a long-term solution.

Time goes on, and there are other opportunities and other people to connect with. There is more than one type of person in this world, and taking a chance on meeting someone new can be worth it.

A Reminder About Military Spouse Friendships

Finding your people in military life can take time. One bad experience, one awkward event, or one disappointing friendship does not mean you should close yourself off forever.

  • You are allowed to be careful. Not every person deserves full access to your life right away.
  • You are allowed to try again. A hard friendship experience does not mean every future connection will hurt you.
  • Community matters. Even small connections can make a new duty station or deployment season feel less lonely.
  • Your people are worth looking for. The right friends can help you through the hard parts of military life and make the good parts even better.

Not Every Connection Has to Become a Best Friend

The reality is, not everyone you meet is going to become a best friend or even a friend at all. Some people will just be a part of your community.

Maybe it’s another mother at soccer practice you chat with every Monday and Wednesday. Maybe it’s the cashier at the Commissary, the one you always tend to get who loves to ask you about your day. Maybe it’s a neighbor you always wave to in the morning when you take your dog for a walk.

The truth is, not everyone is best friend material. And that’s okay. Sometimes it is just those little interactions with random people throughout your week that can make a difference.

Keep Looking for the People Who Make Military Life Better

Every military spouse has a choice to make. To be a kind person. To be a part of the community. To move on from the past and work through what is making friendships hard.

But let me tell you, being able to find your people will be worth it. People you can not only spend time with but people you can depend on, through the good stuff and the hard stuff.

So if you are feeling like life would be better if you stick to yourself. If you never want to try, I urge you to rethink that. No, don’t put yourself in a toxic situation, but remember that there is almost always someone new to meet, especially on a military post. There is always something you can join or be a part of.

Anywhere you go in life, you will find good people and not-so-good people. This is true in military and civilian communities.

However, you don’t want to let those not-so-good people cause you to never try to find the people who will enhance your life and help you through the challenges of military life.

Frequently Asked Questions About Military Spouse Friendships

Why is making friends important as a military spouse?

Making friends as a military spouse can help you feel less alone during deployments, PCS moves, parenting seasons, and other challenges of military life. Community can make a new duty station feel more manageable.

What if I had a bad military spouse friendship experience?

A bad experience can make it scary to try again, and those feelings are valid. But one painful friendship does not mean every future friendship will be the same. You can move slowly, use boundaries, and still stay open to finding good people.

Do all military spouse connections need to become close friendships?

No. Some people may become close friends, while others may simply be part of your weekly rhythm: a neighbor, another parent at practice, someone from church, or a familiar face at the commissary. Those smaller connections can still matter.

How can military spouses find their people?

Military spouses can find friends through local events, spouse groups, book clubs, playgroups, volunteering, faith communities, MWR activities, online groups, and everyday interactions with neighbors or other parents.

When Their Job Comes First

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The Military Has to Come First

We hear so often not to put your job before family. We hear so often that you should find a family-friendly workplace. We hear so often that these things are important, and they are, they really are.

But…

For the military spouse, married to a service member, their job has to come first. Sometimes at the worst time. Sometimes at the time you really need them.

The truth of the military is that the Army, or the Navy, or the Marine Corps, or whatever the branch has to come first.

The truth is, the military shakes up your life when you don’t want anything to do with the military at that moment.

When Their Job Comes First

The truth is, your spouse might have to go, go overseas, fight in a war, and they will have to go.

No matter how much they love you.

No matter how much they want to stay.

No matter how many other times they have had to be away.

When you married your service member, you knew they would be gone, you knew they wouldn’t always be with you. But the reality that the military does come first isn’t always easy to take.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a child get diagnosed with autism.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a miscarriage or other loss.

Sometimes a deployment will come right when a spouse is trying to heal from something that they feel they need their spouse there for.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, but there isn’t a lot you can do about that. The job has to come first.

There are times when things can be changed. There are compassionate reassignments. Commands can hold people back for a few months from a deployment. They can send them home early in some circumstances. But none of that is promised. None of that is 100%.

And trying to come to terms with everything isn’t easy. Trying to be “okay” with the military coming first isn’t easy. Figuring out ways to get through these difficult times isn’t easy.

Here are a few things you can do to help when you know the job has to come first.

Find a good support system

Basically, find your people. Both online and IRL. Find people who support you, and love you. They will be the ones to help you through.

Remember why they joined

When you are feeling really down about everything military related, remember why they joined the military in the first place. Remember why they enlisted. Thinking about all of that can put things in perspective.

Make a detailed plan

You might be going through something you need your spouse there for, but the military has to come first. So, what will you do about it? Who will you go to instead? You will need to come up with a plan.

Figure out what will make things easier for you. That could be hiring a babysitter once a week, starting a new workout plan, or creating a list of services you can call when the need arises.

Since we are all different people, our lists might not look the same, but making a good list of how you will get through this time is important.

Remember, even though the job or the mission has to come first, there are also periods of time when the family does. Maybe this is block leave after a deployment, or having your soldier stay home a few extra weeks to be there for the birth of your baby.

There are times when they will be home early and have days off. Remembering these moments isn’t always easy, especially when you are not currently living them but, they will come again, I promise.

What is the best way to handle the disappointment of when the job has to come first? What do you do to help you through?

When You’re the Default Parent as a Military Spouse

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When Military Life Makes You the Default Parent

Not many of us woke up one morning wanting to solo parent. When we got married, we may have had daydreams of the typical life. After work, mom and dad sit down at the table with the kids. Asking about homework and the day.

As parents, you would split the bedtime routine. One would make sure teeth were brushed, and the other would tuck them in with a story.

But then military life became a reality, and everything changed. And the reality of solo parenting sets in. You became a default parent in so many different ways.

What It Means to Be the Default Parent as a Military Spouse

The truth is, for every family, civilian or military, there is probably a default parent.

One parent works more than the other. Or one works at home, and the other doesn’t. One travels for work, and the other is always home. But add in military life with its deployments and never-ending training. Time apart can be more the norm than not.

Solo parenting is a huge part of it. And the default parent has way too much on their plates.

It can feel so overwhelming at times. Even with a good plan. You are always “on,” and you have to manage everything.

Sure, sometimes they are home, but for a lot of military families it’s just easier to keep things the way they have been. And to always be the default parent.

Making Parenting Decisions Alone

As the default parent, a military spouse might make most of the parenting decisions. The day-to-day ones and the bigger ones.

My husband was deployed to Iraq when I made the decision to get my son tested because I was worried about his speech. I wasn’t able to have a long conversation about it before I started the process. It was more me updating him on what was going on.

I was with my child every day. I knew what he needed, and I knew the process for getting him help. My husband really didn’t at that time.

When Resentment Starts to Build During Military Life

And while we as military spouses know this is how it is going to go, over time resentment can build.

Why do we have to be in charge all the time?

Why do we have to make all the decisions?

When do we get a break?

What is a military spouse to do when being the default parent is just too much?

When You Are the Default Parent as a Military Spouse

Being the default parent during military life can feel heavy. You may be the one making appointments, handling school decisions, managing routines, calming fears, and keeping everything moving while your spouse is away.

  • You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. Solo parenting is hard, even when you knew military life would include time apart.
  • You do not have to do everything alone. Child care, friends, neighbors, military resources, and community support can all help.
  • Your spouse is still the other parent. When possible, let them back into the parenting loop, even if it looks different during deployment or training.
  • Your needs matter too. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is part of keeping your family steady.

Give Yourself Grace

First of all, we as military spouses need to give ourselves grace. We may have wanted this life, but we had no idea what it would look like.

I knew my husband would deploy, and I would be a solo parent; I didn’t know that it would be for over a year when I had a 3-year-old and a new baby.

I knew that there would be times we couldn’t communicate, but I didn’t know what that would mean when my two-month-old was admitted to the hospital.

I knew I would have to do a lot alone, but I didn’t know how much that would bring me down at times and how hard it would be when all I really wanted was another supportive adult helping me with my children.

But I also know that as hard as being the default parent as a military spouse is, there are things to do to make it a little bit easier for ourselves. No, we can’t change everything so that our spouse never has to go away or we never have to solo parent, but we can find ways that work for us.

Find Help, Child Care, and Military Resources

There are resources out there that will help military spouses going through periods of solo parenting. You might be the default parent, but you can ask for help, pay for help, and find resources to make things easier for you.

Check out your local CYS for hourly care options. They might even have something like “Friday Night Out” or special Saturdays where they will watch your kids for you. Some of this could be discounted because of rank or deployed status. Even just putting your child in for a few hours a week can be a great help.

You will want to make sure you are taking advantage of what your post or base, or even local community, has to offer.

Find People and Support

I will always tell a deployed spouse to find their people. Why? Because it will help you so much getting through those challenging solo parent days. From having other parents to get together with to finding babysitters, or just having people to vent to. You need it.

I know it can be hard to find friends sometimes, but if you haven’t already, a season of solo parenting is a good time to do it. And friends don’t have to be military spouses either.

When we lived in Kentucky, and I was solo parenting because my husband was in Germany, a new friend invited a lot of us over to her house for dinner every Tuesday since that was the day her husband worked late. It was great for me, since my husband was gone, but also for her.

There are so many different ways to find that support you need when you are the default parent.

“You may be the default parent, but that does not mean you have to carry everything alone.”

Let Your Spouse Into the Parenting Loop

The challenging part is that since we as military spouses go through so many periods of solo parenting, we might not let our partners in, even when we can. We might just keep things to ourselves or not let them know what is going on.

While sometimes that has to be the case, other times it can be helpful to catch them up when you can. Let them know about any decisions you had to make, and even ask them for their advice if you are able to.

No, they might not be at home right now, but they are still the other parent. And they can help in different ways, even if it isn’t the same as they would have if you were a civilian family.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

The #1 thing to remember as the default parent is to always be taking care of yourself. It’s like the mask on an airplane. Put your own mask on first.

Make time for yourself, even if it’s after the kids go to bed and you stay in your own house. Never feel guilty for having your own hobbies, a job, or a group that your kids are not a part of. Find what works for you. With two special needs kids, it was sometimes difficult to take care of myself, but I had to work to figure it out; I knew it was the healthiest thing to do.

Talk to Someone When It Feels Too Heavy

If you need to, please reach out and talk to someone. It could be a professional, as in a therapist, or maybe just a good friend.

It can be easy to think you are the only one going through what you are going through, but that isn’t true. Even if you choose this life, you can still reach out if it gets to be too hard. Solo parenting is difficult, and military spouses need all the help they can get.

Frequently Asked Questions About Being the Default Parent Military Spouse

Why do military spouses often become the default parent?

Military spouses often become the default parent because deployments, training, field time, duty schedules, and moves can take the service member away from home or make their schedule unpredictable.

How can military spouses handle solo parenting burnout?

Military spouses can handle solo parenting burnout by asking for help, using child care resources when available, finding supportive friends, creating routines, letting go of perfection, and reaching out to a counselor or trusted person when things feel too heavy.

How can I include my spouse in parenting while they are away?

When communication allows, keep your spouse updated on major decisions, ask for their thoughts when possible, share school or medical updates, and let them be part of parenting in the ways they can from a distance.

Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Giving birth when your spouse is deployed is common in the military spouse community.

If you walk into a room of Military spouses and ask how many of them have given birth when their spouse was deployed, you would get quite a few hands. It is something that has happened to a lot of us. Despite planning, a compassionate chain of command and a lot of prayers, sometimes the dads have to miss the birth. This just comes with being a Military spouse.

The reason I had to give birth without my husband was because I was due right in the middle of a deployment. He left in August and I was due in December. In some cases, they might let someone stay back for a birth. That was not the case for us that time. When I was due with baby #3, my husband did get to stay back because he was not allowed to deploy until November and I was due December 1st.

He just missed the birth

With my Germany baby, the child I had without my husband, I was expecting around mid-December. Considering my previous experience with my oldest son being born two weeks early, I anticipated an early delivery. We were hopeful that my husband would be able to be home for the birth as he was scheduled for R&R around the due date.

However, in the end, he didn’t leave Iraq until the day I gave birth. It took him a few days to get to Germany. He finally got to meet our baby when he was three days old.

Thank goodness for mom

Luckily I was able to have my Mom there with me. When I found out he might not be there in time for the birth, I asked if she could come out. Since we knew my other son was early, we had to plan on baby #2 being that early too and she came about 2.5 weeks before my due date.

In the end he was only born four days early. I almost think the stress of knowing my husband wasn’t leaving Iraq until later caused him to wait a bit longer to be born.

When your spouse is deployed, they may not make it in time

In some cases, the service member is not going to make it home for the birth or even be home for a few months after the birth either. This depends on the situation, the unit, rank and all of that.

During that first deployment, I had a few friends who got pregnant on R&R thinking their husband would be home in more than enough time to be there for the birth. In the end, the deployment was extended for 15 months total and the men were not allowed to go home to see their children being born. They got to meet them when they were about two months old.

If you think you might be in a situation where you will be giving birth without your husband, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Others have done it before and you will be able to get through it.

When you have to give birth without your spouse

  • Find someone who can attend the birth with you. Family member, friend and in some cases a doula can step in when your husband cannot be there. Find someone you trust that you want to be by your side. This will make a big difference and you won’t have to go through the birth alone.
  • Prepare yourself for the possibility. If your spouse just left and they tell you he can come back for the birth, don’t believe that 100%. Things always change in the Military. Promises can be broken. Nothing is set in stone until it happens. Tell yourself early on that if he can’t be there, you will be okay. Then hope and pray that he can be there. It is all you can do.
  • Use Video. We didn’t have this back in 2006 but these days women are giving birth while their husband is watching and cheering them on using Facetime or Zoom. Now this will take planning and help from the Unit but it can be done. Thank goodness for modern technology that this is even an option. Now a dad can help coach his wife through childbirth, even from overseas.
  • Take any help you can get.  When people find out that you are having a baby by yourself, they will offer to help you. Take them up on it. From watching your other kids to taking you meals. Don’t say no to this kind of help. You will need the help and be very grateful for it later.

As a Military spouse, you have to make sacrifices and giving birth without your husband could be one of them. Know you are strong enough to handle doing this and remember, you are not alone.

Have you had to give birth when your spouse was deployed? How did it go?

4 Things to Do When the Military Cancels Your Plans

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You don’t have to be a military spouse for too long to have had the military cancel your plans. Whether it is something small, like a date you had planned, or an appointment you needed them to be with you at, to bigger things such as a deployment changing its dates, or a move being delayed longer than you would like.

Over the years I have had to cancel so many things because of the military. This was even more true when my children were younger. I would have everything lined up, and boom, it all had to change.

So what do you do if the military cancels your plans? Tell the military they can’t do that? Oh, how I wish that was the answer…:) But really, what can you do? Here are a few ideas!

1) Journal it out. The military canceling plans is a big reason I think journaling is so important. Get your journal out and write about how frustrated you are. Write it all out. That will make you feel much better, I promise. And if you are looking for a journal, I have a few in my new SWCL shop!

2) Call a friend who gets it. This might be another military spouse who can understand your frustration or a nonmilitary spouse friend who has experienced something similar. Disappointment sucks, so find a friend who gets how frustrating this can be and someone you feel comfortable venting to. They might even be able to help you with #3.

3) Make a plan. This will be based on what the canceled activity or event is. Sometimes when the military changes things we have to restructure everything, other times we just have to make a few calls to make it work. But you will need to make a plan. Once you do, you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.

4) Reschedule, if you can. In some cases, you can reschedule whatever was canceled. Although you might have to wait a bit to do so. If you had to cancel a trip, think about when you could reschedule it. If you had to cancel an appointment, see when their next available one is. Try to remind yourself that you will get to do the thing you want to do, even if it is later than you thought it would be. Our June 2020 vacation was canceled because of military duties, but we took the trip in March of 2021 and had a great time.

I hate it when the military cancels our plans, even worse when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it. A date change, an orders change, or any other change is enough to drive me crazy. I know I am not supposed to write my plans in pen, but I really can’t help it sometimes.

In military life, you have to always hope for the best, plan for the worst, and that isn’t always easy to do. I still struggle in how to balance planning a trip or other event with the fact that at anytime the military could cancel our plans. But, these tips really help me get to a better place, and to be able to have a more balanced life.

What are your best tips for dealing with when the military cancels your plans???

How to Survive a Deployment Right After Moving Overseas

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When Your Spouse Deploys Right After An Overseas PCS

Okay, I hear the panic in your voice. You just moved across the world to an overseas location, maybe Germany, or Japan, or Guam, or somewhere you have never been before, and you don’t know a soul. And to add to that, your spouse deployed soon after. Before you even finished unpacking.

I have been there myself. I moved to Germany with my 18-month-old to join my husband, only to get pregnant and have him deploy for over a year just a few months later. We were still settling in when he left.

When Your Spouse Deploys Right After an Overseas PCS

You just want to cry all day long. You just want to fast-forward time. You just want to get through the months apart, but how are you going to do that?

All your friends are half a world away. You don’t even know what to do for fun in your new home. What in the world to do?

Take a Deep Breath: You Are Not the Only One

First of all, take a deep breath. Remember, you are not the only military spouse who feels this way. So now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s commit to turning this deployment from a survival exercise to a thriving exercise.

Is it going to be easy? No! Are you going to break down sometimes? Yes. But there are things you can do to get through this season of deployment.

When Deployment Starts Right After an Overseas Move

Moving overseas and then saying goodbye to your spouse soon after can feel like too much all at once. You are still learning where the grocery store is, how your new community works, and what life looks like in a place that does not feel like home yet.

  • Start small. You do not have to figure out your whole overseas life in one week.
  • Make a plan. A calendar, a few goals, and things to look forward to can help the days feel less endless.
  • Find your people. Look for spouse groups, local events, neighbors, book clubs, playgroups, or anyone who helps you feel less alone.
  • Explore one step at a time. A short walk, a new café, a USO event, or a photo walk can help your new home feel less overwhelming.

Start With a Simple Deployment Plan

Next, I want you to buy a monthly calendar. I also want you to grab a journal, a pen, and a hot cup of coffee or tea and sit down at your dining room table.

Okay, once you have done that, I want you to take your journal and make a list of all the things you have ever wanted to do, learn, or start. Maybe you wanted to learn how to edit videos and start a YouTube channel. Maybe you wanted to start running. Maybe you want to get back into reading?

Fill Your Calendar With Things to Look Forward To

After you have made your to-do list, you need to start planning. Take out your phone, head to Facebook, and look up events in your area. Join a group for your duty station. Join a group for your new country. And fill up that calendar.

If you like to read, put book releases on there. If you love movies, put those too. Add when your favorite TV shows are coming out. The goal? Have something to look forward to each and every day.

“You can miss your spouse and still build a life in your new home.”

Find Friends at Your New Overseas Duty Station

Now, it’s time to find some friends. You are going to want to go to things that interest you. See what groups they have locally that you can join. That’s where you will start.

You also have neighbors; smile and say hello when you see them. Make conversation.

So now you should have a deployment to-do list, things on your calendar, and a plan for making friends. Now, you need to fill in the gaps.

Explore Your New Home One Small Step at a Time

If you are still looking for things to do, here are some more ideas:

Take a walk around your new duty station, or the areas surrounding it. Go on a photo walk. Try a new food. Sign up for a USO trip or an event. Just go and do one thing a day.

You Can Miss Your Spouse and Still Build a Life Overseas

The truth about deployments is you will miss your spouse, but with a little bit of planning you can find your way through. While you might be tempted to crawl into bed and stay there for months on end, you know that is not the best way through.

Each military spouse has to find what works for them. Whether you work outside the house or are an SAHM. Whether you have a lot going on, or you need to fill up your calendar. Find what works for you and use this time of deployment to grow as a person, work on projects you may not have had time for before, and make some memories for yourself. You will be glad you did.

Frequently Asked Questions About Deployment After an Overseas PCS

What should I do if my spouse deploys right after we move overseas?

Start by giving yourself time to adjust. Then make a simple plan for your deployment season: fill your calendar, find local groups or events, explore your new area slowly, and look for other military spouses who understand what you are going through.

How can I make friends at a new overseas duty station?

Look for duty station Facebook groups, spouse groups, book clubs, playgroups, USO events, local classes, and neighborhood opportunities. You do not have to meet everyone at once. Even one good connection can make deployment feel less lonely.

How can I stay busy during deployment overseas?

Create a deployment bucket list, plan small outings, start a hobby, read more, take walks, explore your new community, sign up for local events, and give yourself something to look forward to each week.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed after moving overseas as a military spouse?

Yes. Moving overseas is a major transition, and deployment can make that transition feel even harder. Feeling lonely, overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do next does not mean you are failing. It means you are adjusting to a lot at once.