Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

30 Reasons Living On-Post Might Not Be Right for Your Family

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There are so many decisions to make when you PCS. One of the biggest is deciding whether to live on-post or off-post at your next duty station. And the truth is, there isn’t one right answer for every military family.

What works for you can depend on your budget, commute, family size, pets, schools, how much space you want, and even the duty station itself. You might love living on post at one installation and decide off post makes much more sense at the next.

If you’re weighing your options, here are 30 reasons you might prefer living off-post at your next duty station.

And, before you decide, make sure you also read 30 Reasons Why You Should Live On Post so you can compare both sides.

Space and Privacy When Living On Post

All military, all the time

If you live on post, your life could end up being all military, all the time. Your spouse will be very close to work, and you might not get a break from the military like you would if you lived off post.

Small yards or none at all

Some on-post housing has tiny yards. Some have none at all. This is not ideal for small kids or dogs who want to run. If you want land, on-post is not going to be for you.

Have to share a wall

If you hate sharing a wall, your on-post choices could be very limited. A lot of on-post housing shares a wall.

If you don’t have kids, could be stuck in a small space

If you don’t have children, you might not be able to get more than a two bedroom apartment. This can be frustrating especially if your spouse is higher ranking. If you go off post, you can take your BAH and find something that works much better for your lifestyle.

Loud neighbors

If it isn’t the dogs, it could be the neighbors themselves. From parties on a Friday night to screaming matches, if you want quiet, look elsewhere.

Privacy issues

If you are a private family, being off post is going to be a better option for you. You can separate military life from home life a little more and create some space between you and the military post.

No country living for you

If you want to live out in the country, you probably are not going to find that on post. It’s pretty much city living.

On Post or Off Post? Start With These Questions

There isn’t one right housing choice for every military family. Before deciding where to live at your next duty station, think about:

  • How much space does your family need?
  • How important is a short commute for your service member?
  • What can you afford with your BAH?
  • Do you have pets that could be affected by housing restrictions?
  • Which schools would your children attend?
  • Do you want to be surrounded by military life or have more separation?
  • How important are yard space, privacy, parking, and neighborhood amenities?

Military Housing Availability, Costs, and Maintenance

You may have to deal with a housing waitlist

On-post housing isn’t always available when you arrive. Depending on your installation, family size, rank, and the type of home you need, you may have to wait. If you’re going to rent off-post while waiting anyway, you might decide you’d rather settle into one home and stay there.

You might prefer having more control over how you use your BAH

In some places, you give all your BAH and don’t feel like you are getting the best use out of it. Depending on your duty station and housing options, you may decide you’d rather use your BAH toward a home off post that better fits your family’s priorities.

You may not have as much control over maintenance

In military housing, you generally have to work through the housing management company’s maintenance process. Experiences vary by installation and housing provider, so it’s worth asking current residents what response times and maintenance have been like.

Lack of parking

Not having enough parking can be a pain. You want enough spaces for your friends and both of your vehicles, but that might not be possible.

Housing condition concerns can affect your decision

There have been quite a few cases about military housing issues, from putting people in run-down homes to dealing with mold and getting sick.

Want a bigger house

A lot of military housing is on the smaller side. If you want more space, you are going to have to go off post.

Should you live on post?

Rules and Restrictions That Come With On-Post Housing

Garden restrictions

If you love to garden, there will be restrictions on your post about what you can do. If you want more freedom, off post is the way to go.

Rules about home businesses

Have a home business? Make sure you follow the rules and regulations of having one on post.

Pet restrictions

You might have four dogs, but on-post housing will not allow that. Each military installation has their own rules. Make sure you double check what you will be dealing with.

Visitors

If you have people come and visit, they will need to be approved to go in. If they are coming without you, they will need to get a visitor’s pass. A lot of hassle.

Getting in trouble for little things

Living on post means following their rules. Rules about this, rules about that. And if you don’t follow them, you could get in trouble.

How Living On Post Can Affect Your Daily Routine

Farther away from off-post places

If you work off post, living on post can be a pain. You might want to find a place close to where you like to go.

Annoying dogs

Every neighborhood has annoying dogs, but with on post living, you are much closer together. This means you are going to hear more from these dogs than you would otherwise.

Theft still happens on post

More people means more things can get stolen. From bikes to strollers, nothing is really safe. It’s a shame you can’t even trust your on-post neighbors. But it can be an issue.

Illusion of safety

We all feel safer on post, but should we? Does feeling this way mean that we leave ourselves open to more issues? Always lock your doors, no matter where you live. And always be aware.

Should you live on post?

Schools and Family Life Can Influence Your Housing Decision

Living off post may give you different school options

Some people love military schools; others do not. If you are on post, your kids will most likely need to go to those schools, so do some research about the local areas to find out what is best.

You may prefer a different part of town

Let’s face it, the area right outside of a military installation isn’t always the best. From bars to bail bonds, not your idea of a nice family atmosphere. Living off post lets you compare neighborhoods based on commute, schools, shopping, activities, walkability, lot size, or whatever matters most to your family.

Not as involved in the local community

When you live off post, you can get involved in your local community. From the schools to getting out and about in your neighborhood. While you can find good community on post as well, you have to decide where you want to be.

Should you live on post?

Neighborhood density might not work for your family

Some on-post neighborhoods have homes, playgrounds, sidewalks, and shared spaces packed fairly closely together. Some families love that community feel; others prefer more space between themselves and their neighbors.

Coming home late at night

If you come home late at night, you could run into issues. For one thing, the gate right by your house could be closed. You will have to drive around the rest of the post to get home.

Don’t have to leave post

When you live on post, you really don’t have to leave post, but that isn’t always a good thing. Get out there and explore. Even if you do call your military installation home.

The drama

The more people around, the bigger the chance for drama. And military housing can bring a lot of it. Stay away from the drama, and you will probably be okay, but that can be hard when you are surrounded by it.

No space

When you are on post, you can feel a bit claustrophobic at times. There will always be people around, which can be difficult to get used to.

Frequently Asked Questions About Living On Post vs. Off Post

Is it better to live on post or off post?

It depends on your family, duty station, budget, commute, housing availability, schools, pets, and the type of community you want. Some military families love the convenience and community of living on post, while others prefer the space, privacy, and housing choices available off post.

Do you keep your BAH if you live off post?

Eligible service members generally receive Basic Allowance for Housing when government housing is not provided. Your actual rent or mortgage may be higher or lower than your BAH, depending on the home you choose.

Is there usually a waiting list for on-post housing?

There can be. Housing availability varies by installation, family size, rank, bedroom eligibility, and the type of housing needed. Contact the housing office at your gaining installation as early as possible for current availability.

Can you have pets in on-post housing?

Usually, but each installation and housing community can have its own rules. Restrictions may include the number of pets, certain breeds, weight limits, or types of animals allowed. Check the specific pet policy before accepting housing.

Should You Live On Post or Off Post?

Choose the housing option that works for your own military family!

There isn’t one right answer when deciding whether to live on-post or off-post. What worked at your last duty station might not work at the next one, either. Compare the housing, commute, schools, community, costs, and lifestyle at each new installation and choose what makes the most sense for your family right now.

And remember, you can always make a different choice at the next duty station.

Why The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion Belong on Your TBR

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I discovered The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion late last year and was hooked!

If you have never heard of this book series before, you are in for a treat.

The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion at a Glance

  • Author: Beth Brower
  • Setting: Victorian London beginning in 1883
  • Format: Emma’s personal journal entries
  • Volumes available: 8
  • Next volume: Volume 9, scheduled for February 23, 2027
  • Perfect for readers who enjoy: witty heroines, quirky characters, historical fiction, friendship, slow-building storylines, and cozy reads

What Is The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion About?

The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion by Beth Brower are the journals of a young woman living in London, England, in 1883. She has just moved back into her family home, Lapis Lazuli House, and has plans for a quiet yet studious life. However, things don’t go as planned due to her eccentric cousin Archibald, money issues, social obligations, and run-ins with the quirky people in her fictional neighborhood of St. Crispian’s.

So far, 8 volumes are out, with the 9th, The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, coming out February 23, 2027! Volumes 1–8 are scheduled to be released as Penguin trade paperbacks on November 24, 2026. And the author has said she wants to write 25 of them!

Emma M. Lion Is Such a Fun Character to Follow

When you hear that this series follows a young woman living in Victorian London, you might assume it will be serious or stuffy. But Emma is quite a woman and is always finding herself in different, interesting situations or predicaments. You fall right in love with her and want to hear more of her story. She is quite an interesting character!

The Journal Format Makes the Series Different

You also need to know that The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion are just that: written in journal form. Each one covers two months, and as the series goes on, they seem to get longer and longer. The first one is only 100 pages. This also means you might get 2-3 pages for one day and 2-3 lines the next. It really feels like you are reading someone’s journal!

Beth Brower has said she approached Emma’s story almost like a television series. Each volume has its own story arc, while larger storylines continue across multiple volumes. Pretty cool!

The Characters and Friendships Are Part of the Charm

There are quite a few recurring characters in these books, and occasionally I need a refresher on who is who. However, the author has put a guide in the front so you can get caught up before you start a new book. But these characters? They are a part of the charm of The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion.

Who Should Read The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion?

Okay, I’ll be honest: I love these books, but I also know they won’t be for everyone. What I suggest is reading the first one. It is 100 pages. And if you don’t feel like you need the second one ASAP, it might not be the series for you.

Which Format Is Best: Print, Kindle, or Audiobook

So this is where I will say it depends. I am reading them in paper form, and I prefer that. I did start the audio for book two, but in the end I didn’t want to read them that way. Kindle is always an option too.

Why The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion Belong on Your TBR

Whether you are getting ready for cozy season, want a new read from another century, or just curious what the deal is with these books? Add The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion to your TBR. You will be glad you did…I hope!

You Might Love Emma M. Lion If…

  • You love character-driven books more than fast-paced plots.
  • You enjoy witty, independent female characters.
  • You like historical fiction without needing a huge historical event driving the story.
  • You love books about friendship, everyday life, and quirky communities.
  • You enjoy journal or epistolary-style novels.
  • You want a series you can settle into for more than one book.

Who Writes The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion?

Beth Brower is the author of The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion. She has a degree in literary studies and has also written The Q, The Beast of Ten, and the Books of Imirillia trilogy: The Queen’s Gambit, The Ruby Prince, and The Wanderer’s Mark.

Frequently Asked Questions About The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion

What are The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion about?

The series follows Emma M. Lion, a young woman living in Victorian London beginning in 1883. Told through Emma’s journal entries, the books follow her friendships, family problems, financial concerns, social obligations, and the quirky residents of St. Crispian’s.

How many Emma M. Lion books are there?

Eight volumes of The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion are currently available. Volume 9 is scheduled to be released on February 23, 2027.

Do you need to read the Emma M. Lion books in order?

Yes, I recommend reading the volumes in order. The characters, friendships, mysteries, and larger storylines develop throughout Emma’s journals.

Are The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion cozy books?

I would describe them as cozy, character-driven historical fiction with humor, friendships, quirky characters, and ongoing mysteries and storylines. They aren’t traditional cozy mysteries, but they definitely have that comforting, curl-up-with-a-book feeling.

Who writes The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion?

The series is written by Beth Brower, who is also the author of The Q, The Beast of Ten, and the Books of Imirillia trilogy.

Where Can You Buy the Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion?

I like to buy mine on Amazon, but you can also find them at places like Books-A-Million and Barnes and Noble. I haven’t yet seen one at an actual bookstore myself, but it never hurts to ask when you visit your local independent bookstores. You can also buy them at Bookshop.org.

If looking for the audio, check Libby through your library or use your Spotify or Audible subscription.

They are also available through Kindle Unlimited at the moment. However, since Viking Penguin just acquired the rights, that could change.

Why Kindness Really Matters in the Military Spouse Community

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Why Kindness Really Matters in the Military Spouse Community

After so many years of running a military spouse blog and social media accounts, it still makes my heart hurt when I see people being unkind.

Whether it’s acting like military spouses don’t have the right to their own community or flat-out calling people names when they disagree, it’s heartbreaking to see.

Kindness always matters, and the military community needs it.

Military Life Is Complicated Enough

It goes without saying that military life is complicated. It can be really challenging sometimes, and we as a community sometimes need extra grace and patience as we work through the hard stuff.

Deployments, PCS moves, solo parenting, career changes, loneliness, and uncertainty can already leave military spouses feeling stretched thin. A supportive community can make those seasons easier, while an unkind one can make them feel even harder.

Having to deal with an unkind person along the way? To have to decide if an FRG meeting is worth it because of the drama? To be afraid to reach out to another military spouse? Totally not cool. We can do better.

“Military life is complicated enough. We do not need to make it harder for one another.”

Why Kindness Matters in the Military Spouse Community

The truth is, we don’t know what someone else is going through. We don’t know all of their struggles. We don’t know the pain or stress they might be going through. So kindness matters.

Kindness matters when you are answering a question on Facebook. Remember, anyone can see what you write on a public page. Even your grandma.

Kindness matters in your local community. In your neighborhood. In your daily lives.

Kindness makes the world a better place, and kindness helps the military community be the best version of itself.

Small Acts of Kindness Go a Long Way

Thankfully, I have seen a lot of kindness during my time as a military spouse. From other spouses being there for another spouse who has a child in the hospital to bringing food to another who is feeling a little overwhelmed with military life.

Kindness doesn’t even have to be big. It doesn’t mean you have to change the world for someone. It just means that you look at the other people in your community with grace and work to make it a better place.

Small Ways to Show Kindness to Another Military Spouse

You do not have to do something huge to make military life a little easier for someone else.

  • Check in. A simple text during deployment or another difficult season can mean a lot.
  • Answer questions with grace. Remember that every experienced military spouse was new once.
  • Share helpful resources. If something helped you, pass it along without judgment.
  • Include someone new. Invite the new spouse, neighbor, or parent to join you.
  • Know when not to comment. Sometimes kindness means scrolling past instead of adding something hurtful.

Military Spouses Need Kindness Online, Too

With the state of the world today, kindness matters even more. Be an example. Be the better person. All of that matters.

How to Respond With Kindness on Social Media

Some people thrive on making people online feel bad. People they have never met in real life. And for what? Why tear others down when you could just easily build them up?

Don’t like what someone has to say? That’s okay; you don’t have to agree, but I know you know the right and wrong way to respond.

If you see someone struggling, lend a hand in any way you can. Maybe it is just a smile emoji; maybe it’s letting them know about a resource that worked for you. Maybe it’s simply letting them have their space and not commenting at all.

We are all adults, and there is no reason we should see so much nastiness in our military spouse Facebook or on social media accounts. We are all so much better than that.

We Can Build a Better Military Spouse Community

Being kind, whether online or in person, will make our communities, our countries, and our world a better place.

Do what you can, smile, and show kindness wherever you go. Our military spouse community doesn’t have to stay in the hater zone.

Frequently Asked Questions About the Military Spouse Community

Why does kindness matter in the military spouse community?

Military spouses may already be dealing with deployments, PCS moves, solo parenting, career changes, loneliness, and uncertainty. A kind and supportive community can make those difficult seasons feel less isolating.

How can military spouses be kinder online?

Answer questions patiently, avoid name-calling, remember that there is a real person behind the screen, share useful resources, and consider whether a comment will actually help before posting it.

What are simple ways to support another military spouse?

Check in during hard seasons, bring a meal, invite someone to coffee, share a helpful resource, welcome new spouses, or simply listen without trying to fix everything.

What should I do if a military spouse group feels toxic?

You are allowed to step back, set boundaries, leave unhealthy online spaces, and look for communities where people are supportive and respectful.

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

Sometimes military life is pretty exciting! You are days away from a PCS to a great location. Your husband just got home from his deployment. You have great friends and are able to keep busy, and life is great.

Other times, you are going to feel like your life is just one big Groundhog Day. You do the same things over and over again. This is especially true during a deployment and even more so when you have small children who are not in school yet. The days just come and go, and you can get a little bored doing the same things every single day.

How to Get Out of a Military Spouse Rut

So what can you do about that? How can you break out of your boring military spouse routine? Sometimes the answer isn’t a huge life change. You might just need one new thing on the calendar, a different routine, or something that gives you a reason to get out of the house. Start small and see what makes your week feel a little more like yours again.

Try a New Club, Group, or Military Community Event

Find a new club or regular meeting to go to. Have kids? Go to a local moms’ group like MomCo. Love to read? Go to that book club you heard about. There should be something you can go to where you can meet new people and enjoy yourself. See what your local Facebook pages have to offer. Look for events going on in your community. Get yourself out there and make plans to change what you do during the week.

“Sometimes getting out of a rut starts with putting just one new thing on the calendar.”

Add a Daily Walk, Run, or Workout to Your Routine

Make plans to go on a daily walk or run. This will break up your day and will keep you healthier. If you don’t want to run or walk, go to the gym or go for a swim. Working on your fitness is a great way to change things up. Have little kids? Find friends to go on stroller walks with.

Join a Playgroup or Parent Group

If you have kids, join a playgroup. If you don’t like the one you are in, join a different one. Keep taking your kids if they are having fun. You will get to meet other parents and you will have something to keep you busy during the week. If you feel each day is just another chore of getting through the day with your kids, a playgroup can really help with getting out of that dull routine.

Look for a Job or Volunteer Opportunity

If you are really bored with life, it could be time to find a new job. Military spouses can also use SpouseWorks for career coaching, resume help, job-search support, networking, and connections to military-friendly employers. Figure out what you want to do and how many hours you would like to work. Even working a few hours a week can help with your mood. See what works for you and start applying. Having a job is also a great way to meet new people when you PCS. You can also look for volunteer opportunities in your local community.

Feeling Stuck in a Military Spouse Routine?

You do not need to completely reinvent your life to get out of a rut. Sometimes one small change can make your week feel different.

  • Add one thing to your calendar. Try a book club, workout class, playgroup, volunteer shift, or coffee with a friend.
  • Get out of the house. A walk, library visit, new park, or trip to explore your duty station can break up the day.
  • Give yourself something to work toward. A job, class, fitness goal, hobby, or trip can give your routine a little more purpose.
  • Try something more than once. The first meeting or event might feel awkward. Give yourself a chance to settle in.

Go Back to School or Learn Something New

Did you start a college program and want to go back? Maybe now is the time to do so. Look up online degree or training programs as well as what your local colleges might offer. You can take one class or sign up for a full-time schedule.

Look into military spouse scholarships, education benefits, and programs such as the SpouseWorks Scholarship. If your spouse transferred Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits to you, those may also help with education costs. There are a lot of options for paying for school. If you don’t know what you want to study, that is okay; you can take some general ed classes until you are able to figure that out.

Plan a Trip or Explore Somewhere New

Take a trip somewhere. Maybe you can just go camping for a weekend? Maybe you want to finally plan that Disney World trip? Figure out what you can do and make some plans. You might need to take time off work or plan to board the dog, but make the trip happen. Taking yourself out of where you are can help break you out of a boring routine.

Visit Family or Invite Someone to Visit You

Taking a trip home can be very refreshing. You can spend time with your family, go out with friends, and just relax a bit away from your everyday life. Depending on where you live, your home might be a bit warmer than where you are stationed, and getting a break from cold winter weather can be good for your soul. If you can’t visit home, see if someone can visit you, and you can enjoy your time together as you show them your world.

No one needs to stay in a rut. If you feel like you are in one, there is a lot you can do to add more to your daily life. You should also keep in mind that deployments do not last forever, that duty stations do not last forever, and that you can wake up every day ready to make some changes so that your life can be a little more like the way you want your life to be.

What do you do to get out of a boring military spouse routine?

Frequently Asked Questions About Getting Out of a Military Spouse Rut

What can I do when military spouse life feels boring?

Try adding something new to your weekly routine, such as a club, workout, volunteer opportunity, playgroup, job search, class, or local outing. Even one new activity can help break up repetitive days.

How can I stay busy during deployment?

Create a routine that includes things you enjoy, time with friends, exercise, hobbies, outings, volunteering, and something to look forward to each week.

How can military spouses meet new people?

Military spouses can meet people through spouse groups, MomCo, playgroups, book clubs, MWR activities, volunteering, faith communities, neighborhoods, jobs, and local events.

What career or education resources are available to military spouses?

Military spouses can use programs such as SpouseWorks for career coaching, employment support, education guidance, scholarships, and other career resources.

20 Famous Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

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Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

One of the biggest things you can do for yourself during deployment is figure out what you can tell yourself when you hit a low point. Little reminders, quotes, and inspiration can go a long way in helping you get through this time apart. There is something about reminding yourself why you can do this, or even how you can make it through can turn your deployment day around.

Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

If you need some ideas, here is a list of 20 inspirational quotes for military spouses to use during deployment.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“In the face of adversity, we have a choice. We can be bitter, or we can be better.” – Maya Angelou

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

Deployment Quotes About Strength and Courage

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

A Little Encouragement for Your Deployment

Deployment can bring lonely nights, difficult days, uncertainty, and moments when you wonder how you are going to make it through. Sometimes a simple quote or reminder can help you reset your thinking and take the deployment one day at a time.

Save a favorite quote to your phone, write one in your deployment journal, add one to your calendar, or send one to another military spouse who could use a little encouragement.

Quotes for the Hardest Deployment Days

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Success is not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” – Zoë Saldana

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” – Roy T. Bennett

Deployment Quotes About Resilience

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

Quotes to Get You Through the Next Hard Day

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton

“No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better.” – Unknown

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

Moving Forward During a Deployment

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” – Jean de La Bruyère

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” – Brian Tracy

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H.G. Wells

When You’re Having a Hard Deployment Day

A quote won’t fix everything, but sometimes the right words can remind you of what you already know: this day will pass, you can ask for help, and you do not have to get through the entire deployment today.

  • Take it one day at a time. On really hard days, take it one hour at a time.
  • Reach out to your people. A friend who understands deployment can make a difficult day feel less lonely.
  • Give yourself something to look forward to. Make plans, start a project, read a book, or put something fun on the calendar.
  • Remember that deployments end. However slow the countdown feels today, you are still one day closer to homecoming.

Frequently Asked Questions About Military Spouse Deployment Quotes

What are good quotes for a military spouse during deployment?

Good deployment quotes focus on strength, resilience, courage, hope, and getting through difficult seasons. The best quote is one that helps you feel encouraged without making you feel like you have to be strong every minute of deployment.

How can inspirational quotes help during deployment?

Inspirational quotes can provide a quick mental reset on difficult deployment days. You can save favorite quotes to your phone, write them in a journal, add them to your deployment countdown, or share them with another military spouse.

What can I tell myself on a hard deployment day?

Remind yourself that you do not have to get through the entire deployment today. Focus on the day or hour in front of you, reach out for support when you need it, and remember that difficult deployment days do pass.

Where can I find more military spouse deployment encouragement?

Military spouses can find encouragement through deployment support resources, military spouse communities, trusted friends, deployment blogs, and other spouses who understand what months apart can feel like.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before

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What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn’t Been Said Before?

Every September, as we get closer to the middle of the month, the memories of what happened on September 11th, 2001 come flooding back. I can’t help but think about that entire morning, at least how I experienced it, from the West Coast.

I still remember when I realized something not so normal was going on. I still remember going to class, and how not everyone in the room had heard the news. I still remember how that was all we talked about for the next two weeks of classes, how could we talk about anything else?

I was only dating my husband at the time, and he was in the IRR (The Individual Ready Reserve,) not active duty or even in the National Guard. IRR at that time didn’t mean a whole lot, just going in for appointments every once in a while. It was more of a technicality.

After September 11th, things changed.

I started to wonder if he would be called up and what that would mean. What that would mean for him, for our relationship. Would we rush to get married? Would be break up? I didn’t know.

As the months passed, it seemed clear that he probably wouldn’t be called up after all. Then time passed.

I had no idea that what happened on 9/11 would change our country, our military, our family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

So as I think about what to write this year, I am not sure what else I could say.

I could give you more details about that day, I know some of you were too young to remember.

I could tell you about my kids and what they know about that day, the kids that were born after 9/11.

I could tell you about how different my military spouse experience has been because of what happened that day, what the war on terror meant on a personal level being married to a service member, or about any fears I still have about having to say goodbye to a spouse as they go fight in this new type of war.

I could leave you with some inspiring words about the sacrifices made.

The men and women who lost their lives in the tower, the ones who did in the recovery efforts, or those who did in the following years in Iraq and Afghanistan because of what happened that day.

I could give you a list of movies and television shows and books that talk about 9/11 or have something to do with that day.

But haven’t we all heard this all before? Is any of it new? Is it even worth repeating?

What can I say about September 11th that hasn’t been said before?

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

What words can I give that will help you through this day? What can I add to the conversation?

I just don’t know.

I do know that we can’t forget what we as a country have been through.

We can’t forget that morning or what happened that day.
 
We have to keep sharing with those that were not there.

I do know that our lives were changed in the smallest and biggest of ways that day.

I do know that in the aftermath of 9/11, communities came together like never before.

It didn’t matter if you didn’t agree on 9/10, on 9/11 you were holding hands in a sanctuary, trying to make sense of everything.

You might have two years old, sitting on your mother’s lap as she had CNN on all day.

You might have been seven years old, wondering what was going on and why so many people were so upset.

 

You might have been twenty years old, sitting in a college class, worrying about your friend who lives in NYC.

You might have been thirty years old, a proud military wife for the last ten years, wonder how this will change everything for you and your family.

What Can I Say About September 11th That Hasn't Been Said Before

Whatever you were doing that day, whatever you remember, if nothing else, 9/11 is a memorial day. One in which we can remember those who have lost their lives, lost their families, or even lost their hope.

Here we are, on the 17th anniversary of the day that changed everything, let’s try to show as much peace, love, and hope to others as we can. For that is quite the opposite of what led to that tragedy almost twenty years ago. And that is what will keep us moving forward as a country, despite the struggles and frustrations we face along the way.

Peace. Love. Remember. 

Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger Review

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Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger Review

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I recently read the sequel to one of my favorite books, The Time Traveler’s Wife, called Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger.

Here is what Amazon has to say:

Alba DeTamble has never lived a life in order. Born with the same rare Chrono-Displacement Disorder as her father Henry, she slips unpredictably through decades, haunted by the secrets of a future she can witness but cannot change. As Alba strives to maintain a normal life with Zach, her safe, supportive anchor, she forms a tight-knit community of artists and activists who fight to take care of each other in an increasingly unstable world. 

At once intimate and expansive, Life Out of Order plunges readers into a world of Niffenegger’s dazzling imagination: from the riot-torn streets of a dystopian Chicago, to a digital museum for forgotten memories and lost artifacts. Curating this ever-expanding museum is Isadora, Alba’s mysterious stepsister and an unsettling presence in their family – whose fate may be intertwined with Alba’s in more dangerous ways than she knows.

Told through a kaleidoscope of perspectives, the story moves through a boundless, unfolding universe of virtual reality, skimming the wildest reaches of technology and our natural world. The result is a testament to the power of art and community to sustain us in these fractured times—and an epic tale that’s set to define an entirely new genre in a way only Niffenegger can.

Why I Was Excited for Life Out of Order

I loved The Time Traveler’s Wife the first time I read it, and I reread it a few years ago. I also loved the 2009 movie with Eric Bana as Henry and Rachel McAdams as Clare, and the HBO TV show that came out a few years ago with Theo James and Rose Leslie.

I have been waiting for the sequel for years! It’s finally coming out on Oct 6th, 2026.

I got an ARC from NetGalley, and I have to say, I am struggling a bit with what I thought of it.

It was very entertaining and kept my interest, but it was quite weird. At times it felt like it was outside the universe of The Time Traveler’s Wife. Other times, we got to see how Clare and Alba, Henry’s daughter, were doing.

A Quick Refresher on The Time Traveler’s Wife

The following paragraph includes light spoilers for The Time Traveler’s Wife!

In The Time Traveler’s Wife, we see the relationship between Henry, the time traveler, and Clare, his wife. Their daughter, Alba, also inherited the time-traveler gene. It gets a bit weird because Henry and Clare’s relationship is pretty out of order, at least from Clare’s point of view. She meets him for the first time when she is 6; he meets her for the first time when she is 20. And Henry is constantly time traveling.

What Life Out of Order Is About

In the sequel, we start the book with Alba being about 21 years old, in 2022. As the book moves on, each chapter starts with how old Alba, or any other character we are hearing from, is, and the date. This is super helpful because it can get confusing really fast.

What I Loved About Life Out of Order and What I Didn’t

I do love that we get to see a lot of Clare post-Henry; for the most part, he is a time traveler. So much of her life in the first book had been planned out to a certain extent. In this book, she really gets to live like the rest of us, and I love that for her.

I also enjoyed seeing Alba grow and hearing about her journey. The story goes pretty far into the future. Climate change and digital technologies play a pretty big part in the storylines.

The story also has many diverse characters. A few are from the first book, and some are new. What I didn’t like is that sometimes we moved on from characters and didn’t return to them until much later. I wish we had more time with some of them.

It also got too weird and sci-fi at times. I felt like the original book didn’t have quite that element. Then again, it didn’t take place in the future, really. Not like this one.

Is Life Out of Order Worth Reading?

It’s interesting that this book is coming out 23 years after the original. I wonder if it would have felt different if it came out just a few years after? It would have been a different story then, I suppose.

I’m not going to say Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger is for everyone. I LOVE time travel books and that element of it. I love books that go into the future. But there were some parts of this book I really didn’t like. It won’t be a favorite, but I might think about it for a while.

3.5 stars!!!

Thank you to NetGalley for a free ARC for review!

Frequently Asked Questions About Life Out of Order

Is Life Out of Order a sequel to The Time Traveler’s Wife?

Yes, Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger is the long-awaited follow-up to The Time Traveler’s Wife and follows Alba, Henry and Clare’s daughter.

Do you need to read The Time Traveler’s Wife before Life Out of Order?

The publisher says Life Out of Order can be read on its own or as a companion to The Time Traveler’s Wife. However, readers who already know Henry, Clare, and Alba may get more out of the emotional connections in the story.

When does Life Out of Order come out?

Life Out of Order by Audrey Niffenegger is scheduled to be published on October 6, 2026.

What is Life Out of Order about?

Life Out of Order follows Alba as a young adult and moves through different timelines, including parts of the future. The book also gives readers a look at Clare’s life after Henry.

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

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So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

You were trying, or maybe you weren’t. But the test is clear. You are pregnant, maybe with your first, maybe with your 4th but you know what this means.

Another baby…

A sibling for your two-year-old…

You are growing your family, just like you wanted to.

And as happy as you are, as excited as you are, there is something looming over your happiness.

Your husband, the father of your child, is deploying soon.

And you aren’t sure how you are going to handle everything. You just found out you are pregnant and he’s deploying…

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, there was a deployment in our future. We didn’t know exactly when. We didn’t know how long he would be gone. But we knew the deployment would happen.

And then it did. He left when I was 25 weeks pregnant, and I knew I had to figure out how to find my strength to get through this. I knew this deployment and pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy.

I had an almost two-year-old I would still need to take care of. I was already so tired but now I would be solo parenting. I also needed to figure out who would be with me during the birth. We didn’t know if my husband would be able to be there for that.

After he left and the deployment started, I went into survival mode and somehow got through the rest of my pregnancy. I made plans with friends, I asked my mom to come to stay with me over my due date, and I took each day as it came, making the best of the time with just my two-year-old.

If you have just found out you are pregnant and know there is a deployment in your future, here are a few things to think about:

Make Friends

Making friends through all of this is going to be such an important thing to do. You don’t have to go through this alone and having people who get what you are going through or can be there for you through everything is a must. When you are pregnant, you can also start getting out there and meeting other moms through places like MOPS or other groups on and off post.

Make Plans

With being pregnant and having a deployed spouse, you are going to need to make some plans. Who will you have there during your birth? What do you need to buy for your new baby? What will you do when you go into labor?

Make Time For Yourself

You need to make sure you are making time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. While staying busy is a must, you also want to make sure you aren’t taking on too much. Look at your schedule and see where you can take some time to just chill and relax, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

Make Decisions For You

Being pregnant with a deployed spouse, you are going to have people give you all sorts of opinions about what you should do. From a family member insisting that you move home during the deployment to a neighbor expecting you to stay because she did. Try to figure out what would be best for you and your own situation and make decisions for you and your family.

So many of us have been through a pregnancy with a deployed service member or a spouse who has to be away for another type of training. When this happens it can bring up so many different feelings. You might wonder why your spouse has to miss such a precious time in your life.

Figuring out the tools to get you through this time is so important. You can figure out what works for you and your situation. And doing that can get you through the pregnancy, the birth, and any other time your spouse will have to miss.

Have you been pregnant during a deployment? What got you through?