Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

11 Reasons to Plan a Trip Home This Summer

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11 Reasons to Plan a Trip Home This Summer

As a military spouse, you probably have moved around a lot. You could be miles and miles from your home and family. You could be overseas, or across the country. You could be a two-hour drive away or a two-day drive. However far away you might be, it could be time for a visit home this summer.

11 Reasons to Plan a Trip Home This Summer

Whether your spouse is deployed and you take the kids, or they are home and luckily have some block leave time, planning a trip home for the summer can be a good idea.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. It’s been a while

If you haven’t visited home in a while, maybe now is the time to do so. You probably have family and friends that would love to see you.

2. You have school-age kids and summer works best

When your kids start school, you have less time to go on vacation with them. While you can pull them out of school sometimes, generally it is better to go on long vacation when they are out of school. That is why summer is a good idea. No one is missing any school.

3. Summers are really too long anyway

Let’s face it; summer can feel a bit long. By about the six-week mark, you might be over summer break. That is the best time to plan a trip.

11 Reasons to Plan a Trip Home This Summer

4. Grandparent time

Grandparents love to spend time with their grandchildren, but sometimes it can be harder for them to travel and see you. If you can’t get away, you could always send your older children to spend time with their grandparents during the summer. I have such special memories with my own grandparents from when we went to visit them as a child.

5. Summer at home is better weather than summer at your duty station

This isn’t true for everyone, but the summer weather in my hometown is a lot better than where we currently live. It isn’t as humid, and the bugs are not as loud. Visiting home during the summer is a nice break from the hot and humidity of the south.

6. You really miss your favorite hamburger place

It might not be a hamburger place; maybe it is a favorite pizza place or Mexican restaurant. There is just something about having a taste of home when you visit. In-and-Out, here we come.

7. More likely to see friends who have also moved out of town

You might not be the only one who moved away from home; your friends might have too. And from experience, summer is usually when they visit their families. Maybe, just maybe you will be in town at the same time and can make plans to see each other.

11 Reasons to Plan a Trip Home This Summer

8. The winters are long at your duty station, and you need a pick me up

If it snows a lot in the winter where you are stationed, and you know that once school starts in the fall, the first snowflakes won’t be far behind, a summer trip home can be the pick me up you need before the weather changes. Go home, make memories, and take them back with you for the long winter.

9. Homecooked meals

Sometimes you want a nice homecooked meal, without having to make it yourself.

10. So you can see your best friend

It could be that your best friend still lives where you grew up. And you want to see them. You want your kids to play together, and you want to go out for dinner and to catch up.

11. You hate the snow and would rather not visit when it is on the ground

Maybe you are from a colder climate, and you don’t want to visit at all during the winter. Just the thought of 20 degrees sends you under the blankets. Summer is a good time to get your vacationing time at home in.

Whatever your reasons, if you are going home this summer, have a good time. We are looking forward to our own vacation this summer too. 

 

How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

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How You Can Help Your Children Through a PCS

One of the challenges of raising kids in a military family is having to move more often than civilian families. A lot of military families move once every three to four years, sometimes even every two years, or less. As a parent, you want to figure out how to best help your children through a PCS.

This means that many military children attend many different schools and are often the new kid or having to make new friends because all of their friends moved away. This part of the military life can be a struggle.

As a parent, how do you help your children through a PCS?

How do you help them understand that this is all apart of your lifestyle?

What can you do to make PCSing every few years easier for them?

Helping Your Children Through a PCS Before You Leave

  • If your children are quite young, you probably won’t be sitting down with them about the PCS. You will just be working to try to make the process a smooth one. They might notice changes in their home and that is important to recognize as well.
  • For an older child, you will want to let them know what is going to be happening ahead of time. Then they have time to get used to the idea and spend some time with friends that they are going to have to say goodbye to.
  • Get them excited about their future home and new duty station. Let them know some of the fun things you can do when you get there that you can’t in your current area. Let them help with picking out a new place to live or which room they will have. Give them a little bit of control when you can give it to them.
  • Having a goodbye party might be a good idea too. Your kids can invite their friends for one last party. A goodbye party can be a way for them to say goodbye to all of their friends, and make a few memories while doing so.

Helping Your Children Through a PCS After You Arrive at Your New Duty Station

  • After you get to your new location, explain to your kids what they can expect at their new school. This is especially important if you move in the middle of the school year. School-age kids are going to want to know what they are walking into.
  • Find out exactly what they are nervous about and talk things over with them. That will go a long way in helping them get used to their new surroundings. They might have worries and fears you haven’t thought about and good communication is the best way to work through them.
  • Make sure you are taking them places to meet new friends once you get to your new home. Check your local MWR for kid’s activities and events to go to. If you have smaller kids, you can take them to the park because most likely there will be other kids to interact with there, and maybe other parents for you to meet too.

The most important thing is that they know that you are in control of their future, even if you are not totally sure what it looks like. Your kids will look up to you and will want to know that everything is going to be okay. Let them talk to you about what they are feeling and do your best to help them out.

Keep in mind that each of your children might handle the PCS differently. You could have one child be completely chill about everything and another bothered by any type of change.

The truth is, you know your own children, their personalities and what they might need. You can apply this to a PCS just like you would any other situation. That is going to be the best way to help your children through a PCS.

Here are a few helpful links to help your children through a PCS:

Are you moving to a new duty station soon?


The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Military Duty Stations

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The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Military Duty Stations

Moving every few years is a big part of military life. Sometimes you get orders to places you want to go. Other times you get orders for places you would never want to even visit. The key is preparing yourself for your new location, and the best way to do so is to hear from others who have been there.

Here is a list of military duty stations, and what followers from the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Facebook page have to say about each place.

If you have just received orders to a new location, click on the link and learn the good, bad, and ugly about each place. That should help you prepare for your upcoming PCS. And if you have already been stationed at any of these places, feel free to add your own advice and thoughts to the threads.

Stationed in Alaska

Stationed in Hawaii

Fort Campbell in Kentucky/Tennessee

Fort Carson in Colorado

Fort Cavazos (Fort Hood) in Texas???

Fort Eisenhower (Fort Gordon) in Georgia

Fort Irwin in California

Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri

Fort Liberty (Fort Bragg) in North Carolina

Fort Riley in Kansas

Fort Sam Houston in Texas

Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Fort Stewart in Georgia

I will keep adding new duty stations as they are created! Here’s to an amazing PCS!

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses have ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

There He Goes Again

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Man and woman holding hands.

There he goes again. Always leaving. Always working hard.

I will never get used to seeing him go. I will never not tear up when I think of it. I will never have to say goodbye without that moment causing me pain. But I know he has to go.

As a military spouse, I know that this life means that sometimes he will be far away from us. That we will have to watch him walk away. With his uniform on and his gear at his side.

There he goes again even though it feels like he just came home. Even if I wanted him to stay a bit longer. Even if I wanted him to be here with us instead.

When he signed the paperwork to do this, I stood by not knowing what it all meant. I knew there would be distance, but I didn’t know how badly that could hurt. I knew there would be pain, but I didn’t know the pain wouldn’t get easier as the years went by.

There he goes again. This time to fight a different battle.

This time in a different country. Going somewhere I could never visit. Going to a place I never thought he would ever go.

As I watch him walk away, I think of everything we have been through. Are these all the years that we get? Is this where our story ends? I don’t want to think that, but I can’t help it. I know how dangerous his job can be.

There he goes again. Into the unknown. Into the wild. As I watch him walk away, I wonder who I will be when he returns. I sure hope I am stronger but right now all I feel is weakness.

As I turn to my children, I realize how hard all this is going to be for them. They have to say goodbye to their father again. One more time. They have to do without when other kids don’t. That isn’t fair, but that is a part of this life.

There he goes again. Serving his country. Taking up the fight for freedom. Responding to his orders. Is he the type that could stay home when others go to fight? No, he is the type to go, even when he doesn’t want to leave us.

Oh how much our children will grow when he is gone. They will have birthdays that he will miss and we will never get that time back. They will start at a new school, make new friends, and life will go on for them. Even through missing him.

There He Goes Again

There he goes again. Just like I knew he would have to.

From the moment I heard the news he was going, I knew this day would come. With tears in my eyes, I hugged and kissed him goodbye. I told him I would write; he told me he loved me.

Oh, how I wish this were not a part of our life. Our military life. But it is. Oh, how I wish this were easier. Sometimes I think the next time will be, but saying goodbye doesn’t work like that.

The time apart is what it is. When he goes, I try to stay busy and cross off those days on the calendar. I will send care packages and go to FRG meetings and know that deployments eventually end. I will remember how I got through the last deployment and remember that this one is supposed to be shorter.

There he goes again, as military spouses we will say this over and over again. And each time we will shed our tears and stand tall. Because we have to. Because we love them. Because we love our country.

And through it all, we will take what we learn, apply it to our future and know that we got this, no matter how hard it seems, no matter how long they are gone, no matter what else military life brings our way. 

Looking for more blog posts about surviving a deployment?

The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

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The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

A friend and I were talking the other day about how we had met through a mutual friend and how there does seem to be six degrees of separation of military spouse friendships within the military community. When you meet someone new, they might also know someone you know.

There have been so many times when this has happened to me. I meet new people, we add each other on Facebook, and I learn they are friends with someone I already know.

A friend from Germany might be stationed near a friend I met through blogging.

A former neighbor of mine might end up becoming a new neighbor of someone else I have met during my time as a military spouse.

I can meet someone who just moved here, and it turns out they are good friends with a girl I knew from MOPS, who moved away from here years ago.

They say the military is a small world, and each branch is even smaller. Add online connections and a lot of us military spouses know one another or know each other’s friends. And this…can be a good thing.

Knowing that someone has a mutual friend can allow us to be a little bolder in pursuing a new friendship. If a friend of ours gets along with them, we might get along with them too. And that can help all of us when it comes to making new friends.

As military spouses, we don’t all have the luxury of staying in the same place for most of our military life years. Either we are moving, or our friends are, or both. As you think about your current circle of friends, you know that three years from now, things will not look the same. They might not even be the same a year from now.

As much as we know this is all a part of military spouse life, saying goodbye to a good friend is never going to be easy. In some cases, saying goodbye to a good friend will break our hearts, and no amount of preparing for that will help.

I am thankful that we do live in a time of social media despite its downfalls. Not only can I keep in touch with my family, but I can stay in the lives of the many friends I have made during my time as a military spouse.

Things won’t be the same after you say goodbye to someone. That is life. Even if you can see one another again, and I hope that you can, life just goes on, and things change.

As much as I want to stop time when it comes to my friendships, I know that isn’t possible. I mourn the time we no longer spend together, and I cherish every memory we have ever had. Still, I know that the best thing I can do is move forward and be open to new friendships, whereever they might be.

And knowing that so many of the people I meet today have some sort of connection to someone I already know is comforting. That allows this introvert to open up a little more, and learn more about the new people I meet in my life.

If you are a new military spouse, you might think this couldn’t possibly happen to you. Everyone you meet is completely new to you, and you have no connection to them in any way. But give it time.

As the years go on, you will meet more people. And as you PCS from one place to the next, your social network will grow. You will find your military world a little more friendly, comfortable, and easier to navigate.

Have you ever made friends simply because they were connected to someone you already know? Tell me your story!

Getting PCS Orders to a Place You Really Don’t Want to Go

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Getting PCS Orders to a Place You Really Don't Want to Go

Getting PCS Orders to a Place You Really Don’t Want to Go

This post contains affiliate links! 

You are waiting on PCS orders, hoping for Hawaii or even Germany. If you can’t go OCONUS, you are pulling for Fort Carson, your best friend lives there and you have heard so many good things. Your spouse comes home with orders for Fort Bliss.

After 5 years overseas you just want to get stationed somewhere on the East Coast so you will be just a few hours from your family. You learn you will be PCSing to JBLM in Washington.

After spending 10 years in landlocked states you are hoping for a PCS to anywhere near an ocean. He gets orders to Fort Riley.

As any military spouse can tell you, there are certain places we want to go and certain places we don’t. Sure, most of us would love to PCS to some of the more popular military installation locations but that isn’t always what goes into where you want to go. Sometimes you just want to be close to home. Sometimes you just want to see another part of the world.

But what do you do when you get those long-awaited orders and they are for a place you don’t want to go?

The orders are for a place too far away from home or too different from what you expected. What if you get orders for a place you have heard nothing but bad things about? How can you get past that? How can you get excited for your new adventure when all you feel about it is dread?

Here are some ideas for when you get pcs orders to a place you don’t want to go:

Talk to people who like the area

I don’t care where you are going, you can always find at least one person that liked that duty station. Trust me. Some people are just able to bloom where the are stationed and others are able to find that one thing to make their current location enjoyable.

See if you can find people to talk to that live or have lived in that location. Most places have Facebook groups. I have duty station guest posts you can read. Ask for real-life advice on social media.

Investigate

Once you find out where you are going, you can start your PCS planning process. If you are not excited about where you are going, spend some time looking into your new home. Find out what is nearby, what people do for fun, what your housing choices are.

The more you can learn about your new duty station the better prepared you can be once you move there and you are setting up your new life. Check out PCSgrades for more information about housing areas and neighborhoods that you might want to live in.

Make plans

Make a plan for once you get to your new home. Where will you go to make friends? What will you do for fun?

If you can figure some of this out before you go, you will be more excited to get there. If you would like to find a job in your new location, get your resume ready and seek out what is available to you. You can also look into working from home if that is something you would like to do.

Visit home before you go

If you are going to be stationed far from home, why not plan a trip back home before you go? See if you can work that in. See the people you want to see and do all the things you know you will miss while you are stationed far away.

Homesickness is real but planning a big trip to see everyone can help. And know that just because you will be stationed far away doesn’t mean you won’t ever be able to visit during the years you are there. You might be able to plan a trip or take advantage of Space-A if you are overseas.

What about you? Did you ever end up in a place you didn’t think you would like? Do you have PCS orders to somewhere you are not sure you will like? Leave a comment 🙂

10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

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10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

On November 8th, 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the US Army. This was a huge change for us and our family. My husband had been in the Army when he was a lot younger, years before I met him. He had gotten out, returned home and we met a few years after that. We got married and had our first child and it wasn’t until we had been married about 3 years that we started talking about him going back into the Army.

18 years have passed since that day and I now consider myself a seasoned spouse. We have been overseas, been through 4 deployments, multiple trainings and have experienced both Active duty and National Guard life. Over the last 18 years, I have learned so much about military life. I didn’t realize how clueless I was until he joined and learned about these truths the hard way. I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. I have grown as a person since then and the last 18 years have made me who I am.

Here are 10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True:

1. Just Because You Are Told Something, It Doesn’t Mean It Will Happen That Way- There have been so many times in the last 18 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

2. Military Life Isn’t Fair- It wasn’t that I thought everything in military life was going to be fair, but it is a hard reality to realize much of this life isn’t fair or equal at all. Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations and it will seem others do. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get the good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

3. Not All Military Housing Is Created Equal- When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got the house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

4. Making Friends Isn’t Always Easy- As much as you want to find your tribe and your people, sometimes that will take longer than you want it to. Making friends depending on a lot of factors. From putting yourself out there to who is at your duty station. Don’t lose hope if you haven’t made friends at your new duty station yet, it might just take you a bit longer this time.

5. You Will Grow Without Your Spouse- During military life you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a year deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

6. Your Parenting Will Look A Little Different- Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

7. You Will Surprise Yourself- During the last 118years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

8. When Military Life Is Over, You Might Not Want To Leave- As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

9. The “Worst” Duty Station Might Be Your Favorite- There are a few duty stations out there that are talked about as the worst. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place. Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

10. Just When You Are Comfortable, Life Will Change- I was sitting at a friend’s house with about four or five friends. The kids were all playing nicely and we were having a good conversation. In the back of my head, I thought, “This won’t last forever.” And that was true. Within 3 years, everyone in that room has moved somewhere else. This is the reality of military life. People are always moving, either you or them. Commands change, deployments come and go. Just when you get comfortable, things change.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?