Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

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10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

Life as a military spouse has taught me so much over the years! When I first became a military spouse, I had no idea how much this life would change me. Over the years, through deployments, moves, and everything in between, I’ve learned lessons I never expected, but ones I will carry for the rest of my life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

Life as a military spouse can be surprising

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like you’re no longer. That’s okay, though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

Life as a military spouse could look different for each person

  • How one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows that portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

During your life as a military spouse, you could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your life as a military spouse?

Military Spouse Social Media: Navigating Motherhood and Connection

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As a military spouse, social media often becomes more than just scrolling; it’s how we stay connected during deployments, moves, and long-distance friendships. This guest post explores the different ways moms can use social media to connect with others, a must as military spouses.

Living so far from our loved ones, having our spouse have to “live in our phones” for periods of time, and trying to balance it all together during the craziness of military life is a lot to take on. We want to find the right balance with social media, but it can be hard.

Enjoy this post all about motherhood and the different ways we can use social media to stay in touch.

Motherhood and Social Media

Before the advent of Facebook, Pinterest, and various other social media tools, motherhood was, in some ways, a much more isolating experience. Of course, before social media, mothers may have had email, phone calls, and in-person visits. But social media and tools like smartphones and web cams bring your friends and family right into your living room, regardless of location, and allow them to experience your child’s growth up close and personal. These days, moms can keep in touch with friends and family like never before.

Social Media Brings Moms Together

Social media serves another important purpose: it brings moms together and makes geography nearly irrelevant. You adopted your child from China? There is a Facebook page or blog dedicated to that where you can connect with other moms with children adopted from China and share your experiences, ask questions, and make friends. Ditto for many other motherhood experiences. The internet and social media help us stay connected and meet others of like minds or experiences. This can be immensely reassuring when you are faced with a motherhood dilemma outside your previous experience.

Here are some of the most common social media tools I have found useful and some that many of my friends who are moms love to use:

Facebook is the Place

Military spouses and social media go hand in hand. And Facebook is one of the places we go. Although there are concerns that Facebook’s popularity is declining among teens, every mom I know uses it regularly. We post pictures of our kids, updates on our lives, questions about events at school and where to find a good pediatric dentist. It is a great tool for keeping up with both local friends and family and those who live far away.

You should be aware that Facebook is notorious for constantly changing its privacy settings without informing users.  Therefore, I never post anything on Facebook that is sensitive or private. You really can’t be absolutely sure who might see your post. Also, Facebook has had the tendency in the past to ban breast-feeding photos and sometimes delete those users’ accounts, so while it is your right to post these types of family photos, the network has shown a strange intolerance to them, so beware.

That said, I love keeping up with what my friend in Spain is doing and her daughter’s activities, as well as making plans with my neighborhood friends for a barbecue.  I also belong to a Facebook group of moms with multiples, and we talk about parenting issues specific to having twins or triplets.

Pinterest is a Fun Choice

Need an idea for a snack to serve for a toddler birthday party? Looking for an age-appropriate educational activity? How about nursery decorating ideas? That and more can be found on Pinterest by pinning photos and ideas of people you know and people you don’t. Along the way you can learn lots of interesting things about your friends. One of my friends has a prolific collection of dessert recipes – all involving chocolate. Another is obsessed with bookshelves of every shape and dimension. Another I can always count on for great appetizer ideas.

Instagram For Your Photos and Videos

Love photos? Instagram lets you tap into your inner photographer and view others’ photos. You can also share them on Facebook and other social media sites. It is an opportunity to showcase your life in photos for friends and family to see, but the profiles are public, so everyone else can see, too. You can also post short videos as Reels.

Email and Texting Still Works

Don’t care to share your whole life with the masses, or even just your online friends? It’s a valid concern – many sites have little to no security settings, so there is really no way to ensure that what you post stays within your circle of family and friends. Emailing and texting, now considered old-school, aren’t completely foolproof, but you have a reasonable expectation that your rant to your best friend about not getting any sleep and the lack of privacy while pumping at work will be seen only by her.

What was parenthood before social media? It was a lot more private, and really, there is no substitute for in-person visits, but when that isn’t possible, social media can be the next best thing. It also opens up so many parenting resources and avenues for creativity, information and validation. It’s a way for friends and family outside your local circle to see your kids grow up, and to me, that is pretty amazing.

This guest post is by a SmartMom Contributor. SmartMom is an easy way to receive fast answers to all of your parenting questions from the convenience of your mobile device.  We’re launching in the app store soon – Visit our website http://smartmom.co for early access! 

 

Use the GameStop Military Discount the Next Time You Go to the Mall

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GameStop Military Discount

Whenever we go to the mall, there is one store I know my boys will always want to check out, that’s GameStop, and they have a military discount too. From new and used video games, to fun characters, and t-shirts, this store has so much for the gamer kid, and well, gamer adult too.

History of GameStop

Did you know that GameStop has a connection to Barnes and Noble? Here’s how…

GameStop basically begins in 1984 when the store Babbage’s was founded. Babbage’s started selling Nintendo games in 1987 and then in 1994, the company merged with Software ETC. and created the NeoStar Retail Group.

Then, in 1999, the GameStop brand was launched in 30 stores in strip malls. They also then launched the website. That same year, Barnes and Noble bought Babbage’s Etc. This led to Barnes and Noble having control over GameStop until 2004.

GameStop acquired EB Games in 2005 which expand their operations to Australia, Canada, Europe, and New Zealand. The company has acquired many others over the years including some Radio Shack locations if you are wondering what happened to those places. At one point they had MovieStop stores which sold new and used movies but that didn’t last.

And you have probably heard of the GameStop short squeeze that happened in 2021. The movie Dumb Money tells the story of what happened and it is pretty interesting!

The GameStop Military Discount

The GameStop military discount is for 10% off and is available to members of the military and law enforcement. You can use the military discount in-store, however, the following items are not eligible:

  • New video game
  • New accessories
  • New video game systems
  • New tablets
  • PC Hardware (including, but not limited to, monitors & components)
  • Televisions
  • Gift Cards
  • POSA cards/time cards & points cards
  • Downloadable content (DLC)
  • Candy & Drinks
  • Books & Magazines

While it is a bit of a bummer you can’t use the discount on new video games, you can on used video game, and they have a great selection. You can also trade in your own used video games for money or store credit. They also have used video game systems.

Show your military ID at the store, your Form DD214, or you can verify your military status through online platforms.

Using Military Discounts

Military discounts can be a fantastic way to save a bit of money. From 10-15% at a retail store, to 30% off or more on tickets to your favorite amusement parks. If you are ever unsure about if a store or location has a military discount, just ask them if they do and be understanding if the answer is no. But it’s always great to be able to save a little money.

What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

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What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

Do you know what moms want for Mother’s Day?

“Happy Mother’s Day…” is said on the 2nd Sunday in May to Mothers everywhere. But what do moms really want on their special day? It’s more than flowers and a pretty present. Mothers want a lot more, and you can’t really buy it in a Hallmark store.

What moms want for Mother’s Day

One Mother’s Day a few years ago, I told my husband I just wanted to go somewhere outside. Somewhere nice, near water. Living in Tennessee, we unfortunately are too far from a beach, but we do have lakes. So that is what we did. My husband and I hit the road and ended up at Kentucky Lake.

No, we didn’t bring the kids. No, I didn’t feel bad about that. My husband ended up giving me a perfect day.

We found a nice diner for lunch, then ran into a friend who took us out on her boat; it was quite the unexpected blessing. We spent the afternoon on the water, enjoying nature and the day’s peacefulness.

I realized that year that, for me, Mother’s Day needed to be a day when I was doing exactly what I wanted. Where I was at peace. And where I wasn’t stressed out.

I didn’t need flowers or presents so much as I needed a day to just be. Whatever that looked like.

As moms, we always feel a lot of pressure to make the perfect holiday. We are in charge of Thanksgiving and Christmas. We make sure our kids get Valentine’s and wear something green on St. Patrick’s Day. We get the Easter baskets ready for Easter, make the plans for fireworks and red, white, and blue shirts, and coordinate the Halloween costumes. But Mother’s Day? Why do we also feel like we have to do certain things for that, too?

So what do moms really want for Mother’s Day?

A Break Without Guilt

Let’s face it, as moms, we can sometimes feel guilty. And we shouldn’t. We aren’t just a mom. We aren’t just a wife, and we are allowed to have boundaries.

So us moms should never feel guilty about needing a break. Especially on Mother’s Day. That day, more than any other, should be 100% guilt free.

So what does a break look like for you? What would give you some rest? Whatever that is, make plans to do it this Mother’s Day.

To Feel Seen and Appreciated

As moms, we can get done what we need to get done each day, and not hear a single thank you. And that might be okay. But the beauty of Mother’s Day is it is a good time for your family to reach out and thank you for everything you do.

More than that, to feel seen and be appreciated is important. To know that the people in your family are thankful for all you do is important. And it is a very big part of what moms want on Mother’s Day.

Rest (Real Rest)

Resting is so important. And it can be really hard to find the time to do that, especially when your kids are small. Even more so if you are married to someone in the military.

But rest is important and your Mother’s Day should include as much of it as you need. Maybe it is a nap, or just time to read. Maybe it is watching movies all day, or sitting at a park. Find what makes sense for you. And enjoy resting on Mother’s Day.

Enjoy your day!

I hope you can enjoy your Mother’s Day. That it is a nice relaxing day for you, and you can truly do everything you want to do.

What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

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A military spouse will never understand

I have been married to a soldier for almost two decades now. When we met, he was no longer active duty and ended up re-joining the Army after we had been married three years. As much as I can stand by and support him, there are things that I will never understand. There are things that a military spouse can never understand.

I will never understand what it is like to say goodbye to my family, small children included, to put on the uniform and put myself in harm’s way.

I will never understand what it is like to go out on a mission, praying I will make it back to the FOB.

I will never understand the moments when I thought I might not make it home, and picturing how my spouse will react, and how she will tell the children.

I will never understand what it is like being home, yet feeling like I should be over there, that I have a duty to do.

A military spouse will never understand what it is like to actually be in the military

I will never understand what it is like to lose friends in battle, the same battle I was in.

As a military spouse, I can be there for my husband. I can listen to his stories, the good and the bad. I can listen to what he chooses to tell me.

But I know that he won’t tell me everything; I couldn’t even begin to understand. I know that being a soldier is something I can’t fully wrap my mind around, and I won’t try to pretend I get what it is like, because I don’t.

I can get through a deployment, and as hard as that might be, I am safe, in my home, in the United States. I don’t know what it is like to go through a deployment, in my uniform, protecting what I hold dear.

I can roll my eyes when I feel like the Army won’t make up its mind, but I also am not the one that may or may not have to say goodbye to my family for a year, depending on what the Army does decide to do in the end.

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I am not the one who misses what is going on back at home

I can be frustrated about my husband missing something, about him not being there, and not being able to get that time back but I am not the one who has to hear about the event second hand, who has to be okay with just photos and a video, and that feels the pain of what they have missed over the years.

I have never believed we should be debating who has it harder, the service member or the military spouse. Every person is different, every deployment is different. There is no way to weigh each other’s situations.

There is something a soldier goes through, something someone who has deployed has gone through, something about being in the military themselves that a military spouse won’t be able to understand.

But…

We can be a rock

We can be a rock, in an otherwise stormy life.

We can be a person our service member can always trust when it is hard to know who has their back.

We can support them, in the ways they need us to because we love them.

And when things get difficult for us, which they will, we can find ways to make it through, so that we can be there for them, through everything military life brings.

Some military spouses have served in the military, or maybe still do. There are many veterans out there who are now married to a service member themselves and have seen both sides. Some of my closest friends that I have made during this life are prior military. They, of course, have a different perspective on this than I do, a military spouse who has never served.

How long have you been a military spouse?

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

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18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

The #1 bit of advice you will receive during a deployment is to stay busy. That’s simple enough, right? But how about beyond that? What can you do on a day-to-day basis to survive your next deployment? What can you do to make time move faster and not feel like you are always falling apart when you are surviving a deployment?

Here are 18 things that can genuinely help you survive your next deployment:

1. Buy a journal, write in it daily

Find a pretty journal, even Walmart has some cute ones. Write in the journal every day. Make that a part of your routine. Share your day, share your feelings, and let everything out.

2. Find good friends

Find good friends and make plans with them. Don’t be shy. Put yourself out there when you can.

3. Laugh

Laughing during a deployment is the best. Find people you can laugh with. Watch movies that crack you up. Don’t be afraid to have fun even if your spouse is deployed.

4. Focus on school

If you are in school, focus on your school work. If not, maybe now is the time to go back? Check out the programs in your local area as well as online.

5. Focus on work

Focus on your career. Don’t have one yet? Figure out what you want to do. Find a job and get started.

6. Focus on your family

If you have kids, focus on them. They will take up a lot of your time. You can also have regular phone calls with your family back home or even plan for some visits. Family can help with the hole in your heart left from the deployment.

7. Let yourself cry

If you are the type who feels like you need to cry, do it. That can help you get back to a better place.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

8. Binge watch it all

Game of Thrones, This is Us, or any of the Netflix originals will work. If the solo nights are bothering you, binge watch something.

9. Find friends who are there too

Good friends are important and finding friends who are also going through the deployment are a must. You can walk through this together, make plans together, and depend on one another.

10. Make a deployment bucket list

Make a deployment bucket list even before they go. What do you want to get accomplished? What do you want to do with your kids? What can you focus on?

11. Stay on your normal routine

In some cases, sticking to your regular routine is the best thing to do. You can focus on what you normally do and keep living your life, even when your spouse is gone.

12. Wine, lots of wine

Wine or fruity drinks or even Dr. Pepper. Whatever gets you through the deployment.

13. Care packages

Some people love to send care packages, and it’s an excellent way to spend your time. You can get super crafty with them or keep them simple. Remember to be aware of holiday ship by dates as well as when you need to stop sending things overseas because they are coming home.

14. Don’t dwell on it

While you can’t completely forget that they are deployed, you can try not to dwell on the fact that they are gone. When you feel like you are, snap yourself out of that and go and do something fun. Put on some music and get in a better mood.

15. DIY projects

DIY projects can be a lot of fun. Whether you are repainting your kitchen or creating something original. Pinterest can give you a lot of ideas as well as Facebook groups such as White Walls.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

16. Go to the gym

One thing you can focus on to survive your next deployment is to focus on your health. Go to the gym, go for walks, train for a 5K, whatever you do, find a way to get out there and exercise. Not only is working out good for your health, but it’s also a good way to get your anxiety and frustrations out.

17. Slumber parties

If you can find a good friend whose kids get along with yours, have sleepovers. If your spouses are deployed over a holiday, you can have them to not feel as alone. Put the kids to bed, stay up late drinking wine, and vent over all the silly stuff from the day.

18. Stay social

Stay social. Get out there and meet others. Be active. There is so much you can do, especially if you live near post. See what is out there and make plans.

Not all of these tips will work for everyone, but they can give you a good idea of what you can do to survive your next deployment.

What would you add to this list???

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

All About the Hanes Military Discount

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Did you know about the Hanes military discount?

Hanes is a great place to shop! You can find anything from underwear to socks or pajamas. They have basic hoodies and athletic clothing. Something for everyone in the family.

Shopping at Hanes

I love going to the Hanes store at the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville. I can always find something for me or for someone in my family.

Hanes brands include the following brands: Hanes, Champion, Playtex, Bali, L’eggs, Just My Size, Barely There, Wonderbra, Maidenform, Berlei, and Bonds. They have a lot of options, and are an ideal place to go to find comfort clothing or sleepwear. Need some new socks or underwear? Go to Hanes!

Hanes Military Discount

The Hanes military discount is for 10%, and you can use it online and in person. To use online, you would need to be verified with ID.me, and you just share your military ID in the store. The military discount is open to all members of the military, including veterans. There is a $10 maximum discount allowed per order.

If you are ever unsure whether a company offers a military discount, just ask them. Many do advertise that they do, but not all. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Can Military Spouses use this military discount?

Yes, military spouses and three family members are also eligible for the Hanes military discount. Just make sure you are verified on ID.me or have your military ID to show at the store.

Hanes History

Hanes actually started as Shamrock Knitting Mills in 1900, founded by John Wesley Hanes. The company was renamed Hanes Hosiery Mills in 1914. John Hanes had a brother, Pleasant H. Hanes, who founded the P.H. Hanes Knitting Company back in 1901, yes, around the same time that John started his company.

The two companies merged in 1965, forming the Hanes Corporation. They then became a part of Consolidated Foods, which became Sara Lee. It was in 2006 when Sara Lee spun off its clothing brand as Hanesbrands Inc.

Using Military Discounts

Whether you are planning to use the Hanes military discount or any of the other military discounts out there, enjoy the % off the company is giving. Be respectful of the rules around the discount, and have fun shopping!

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

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How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

Mother’s Day, 2007. My husband was in Iraq, and I was home with my almost six-month-old and two-year-old. These kids were not old enough to even know that Mother’s Day was supposed to be a special day.

I got it into my head that this was going to be a special day anyway. We were going to go to church and then we were going to go to brunch. So that is what I attempted to do. Only. I had a six-month-old and a two-year-old.

The baby started to get fussy. The two-year-old was well, being two. And I was alone, sitting at my table, trying to eat my special meal. It was horrible. I ended up just getting out of there as soon as possible, getting annoyed with myself for even thinking that was a good idea.

As military spouses, we experience holidays alone. And when we do, we try to make the best of things. But Mother’s Day? This holiday is made for pampering the mom. It is all about making her feel special and loved.

But how does that work when you are the only adult in your home? How does that work when your kids are too young to do anything to help you have a good Mother’s Day?

Here are some ideas to have a good Mother’s Day, even if your spouse is gone:

Order your favorite food

Order your favorite food. Order from your favorite restaurant. Make sure you are having a good meal. There is just something about having your favorite food on Mother’s Day that will lift your spirits.

No cleaning

Don’t clean. I know, how do you not clean for one whole day? You have to prepare ahead of time. And sure, with young kids, you’ll probably have to clean something or at least do a load of dishes. But don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of time cleaning on Mother’s Day. You can always catch up the next day.

Get together with friends

Have friends going through the same thing? Make plans with them. Plan a brunch so you can all chat and the kids can play. Pick a time to meet up at the park. Figure out how to spend the day with other people in your life who get it. 

Celebrate your mom

Spend the day celebrating your mom. If you live close, take her out for lunch. If not, give her a call and let her know you are missing and thinking about her. If your mom is not around, find another female family member to show your love to. They will appreciate it, and it will take your mind off being alone. And don’t forget about your mother-in-law.

mother's Day

Buy some cake

Don’t forget to get yourself a cake. No one will be making you one, and you will want that yummy dessert when the day comes. If you do love to bake, you can make your own, but either way, having cake will make your day better.

Ignore it

Who says you have to celebrate Mother’s Day if you don’t want to? Just ignore it. You might have to stay off social media for this, but you can ignore the holiday. Just have a regular Sunday with your kids and try not to put any pressure on yourself. You can always celebrate later on when your spouse is back home.

Having a deployed spouse on Mother’s Day can make it more challenging, but it doesn’t have to be horrible. You can still have a good Mother’s Day.

How have you celebrated when your spouse has been away?

How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House