Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

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To the Military Spouse Who Hates the Lonely Nights

When a deployment begins, you, as the military spouse, have to find a new way of doing life. Things have changed, and you need to figure out how it will work in your home for the next few months. You need to figure out what works best and how you can get through the time apart.

Staying busy is essential. Filling that calendar. Making friends. Trying something new.

The Nights Can Feel Incredibly Lonely

But even if you, as a military spouse, have cracked the code and found ways to get through the day-to-day, the nights can feel incredibly lonely. When the kids are in bed, the kitchen has been cleaned, and the clothes put away.

It’s in those moments when the reality of it all can hit hard, crashing into you like a wave. Making you feel like you can’t possibly do this for the next bit of time they have to be away. Making you question how you even got to where you are in this moment.

It’s in the lonely nights when you miss them the most. You miss telling them about your day. You miss watching TV together. You miss having your person there right beside you.

You Can Feel Like the Rug Has Been Pulled Out From Under You

And beyond that, military spouse, you can feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you. What makes sense during the day, the duty, the honor. Can feel oh so messy in the night, when you feel like you need them the most.

So, to the military spouse who hates the lonely nights, know that you are not alone in these feelings. It is normal to feel this way, even if you have good deployment days. Even if you usually feel strong.

It’s okay to cry. To sit on your couch and let it all out. Because this stuff? It’s hard!

You Are Doing So Much On Your Own

Solo parenting includes doing bedtime alone. It includes planning and cooking all the meals. It means extra burnout and no one to cuddle up with after putting the kids to bed. And all of that is hard!

Military life during a deployment means having to do so much on your own, when it is usually shared with a partner. It means making extra decisions without being able to discuss them thoroughly. It means sitting alone after a hard day, when the loneliness can creep in. And all of that is hard!

So, if you are having a difficult time at night, if you feel loneliness a little too much, if you are struggling without your partner by your side, you are normal. And while it might seem like this will last forever, it won’t. Deployments eventually end.

One Day, the Deployment Will Be Over

Tell yourself this. Tell yourself that one day, they will be back home with you. Remind yourself how much you have already done. Look at all those nights you have already gotten through.

Find people who get it. Chat with a friend. Dive into an old TV show you can curl up with every night. Keep a journal, and write out your feelings before bed. Blast Taylor Swift’s newest album. Breathe and remember, you got this.

This is a difficult part of military life. And you will get through it, you will!

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

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It was Thanksgiving Day. Almost exactly 365 days after my husband had returned from his first deployment. We were not sitting down for a turkey dinner. We were dropping him off for his 2nd deployment.

We had celebrated Thanksgiving the week before. In my head, it was no longer Thanksgiving but D-day, Day 1, the day we dropped my husband off and started our months of separation.

4 Great Ideas To Rock Your Next Deployment

This time, we said our goodbyes rather quickly. We didn’t wait around until the bus left. We hugged and kissed, and I put my boys in the car and we drove home.

I can still remember turning around to my almost-two-year-old and four-year-old and telling them that we “got this.” That we were going to rock this deployment. They were so young, they probably didn’t know what I was talking about but I looked at them as my team. My guys. We were going to get through this together.

This deployment was going to be a year. He left in November, and he came home November 1st of the following year. During that time, we got through a German winter, a beautiful spring, a summer in California, and then a fall waiting for his return.

Looking back, I think this was the one deployment I really rocked. I was able to find ways to make the best of the situation. Although so much about that deployment was very difficult, I was able to figure out ways to speed things up and allow myself to have fun with my boys even though my husband was gone.

As I think about the two deployments that came after that one, I can see what was so different about them and why in some ways they were so much harder even though they were shorter.

How I wasn’t able to rock those deployments as much as I was able to do so with our 2nd one. I would never say I have a favorite deployment. I will say this 2nd deployment was the one I can look back on with better memories and a better understanding of how to get through something difficult.

Here are 4 ideas to help you rock YOUR next deployment

1. Find a Battle Buddy- I went through this 2nd deployment with a friend. We lived about 2 blocks away and our husbands were in the same area. This helped so much. A good friend is a good friend and always helpful but having someone who is going through the deployment too can make a big difference. There is just something about going through something like a deployment together that makes that other person feel like family and you can really depend on each other. Your spouse has battle buddies and you need them too. If either one of us was having a bad deployment day we could make plans to meet up and get through the day with each other. 

2. Plan a Trip- Going on a trip of some kind can really help you during a deployment. We went on three trips during our 2nd deployment. The first was a trip to one of my favorite places, Garmisch in Germany. The 2nd was to visit my friend in Austria for the week. The third and biggest trip was flying Space-A to California and staying there for about three months. We had my husband meet us in California for R&R which was amazing. Going on these trips took a lot of work but they were worth doing. They broke up the deployment and allowed us to have some fun even though my husband was deployed. They allowed us to get out of our rut and enjoy life during that year apart.

3. Focus on projects- Because we were planning a Space-A trip, we needed to plan for it. Flying Space-A takes a lot of research. So, my friend and I would have the kids play together and we would sit and figure out our Space-A plans. This took up a lot of time and gave us something to focus on. It allowed us to work on something we had control over. Projects can look different. Some people want to re-arrange their house, others want to go to school or even work on their career. Think about what you can focus on while your spouse is away. Take that time he will be gone and put those days to good use. You will be glad you did once he gets home and you have accomplished something during that time away.

4.Grow Grow Grow- Take the deployment as a time to grow. To work on yourself. To find yourself again. Deployment gives you space to do this. A time to really get to know who you are without the distractions of another adult in the home. Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather have my husband home then deployed but it is nice to be able to take that time you have to yourself and figure out how to make it work for you. My husband will go to AT with the National Guard later this year and I plan to spend that time away to work on myself and grow as a person.

What are your ideas to help rock your next deployment? What has worked for you?

Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

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How You Can Help A Struggling Military Spouse

How You can help a struggling military spouse

You are finally feeling good about military life. Nothing too complicated, just a few trainings and your husband will be home for a while. You feel put together, have a good friend base at your duty station, and life seems pretty stable. But you have noticed something going on in your community. Not all of the spouses around you are doing okay. Some of them are struggling.

So, how do you help? What can you do to help a struggling military Spouse?

Or maybe you are not a military spouse. Perhaps you have friends who are, and you see them hurting? Maybe you would like to help them, but you don’t know the best way to do that because you have never been through a deployment or PCS yourself.

Here is what you can do to help a struggling military spouse:

Listen

Listening to a struggling military spouse is one of the best things that you can do. They might just need someone to listen. They might need to just get everything out.

Being able to vent about your situation in a safe place can be very therapeutic. I know on those days when I just couldn’t see the forest through the trees of the deployment, talking it out with a good friend was very helpful. If you have a friend who is struggling, let them know you are there to listen, even if you don’t fully understand what they are going through.

Offer

If there is anything you can offer to this spouse, please do. Offer babysitting, a meal, or even just an offer to be there when they need it. Send a care package if they live far away.

Send a note just to say you are thinking about them. These little things can really help a struggling military spouse who is not having the best of days.

Don’t Dismiss

The worst thing you could do is comment on how their situation could be worse or how they need to just get over it. Everyone handles deployments in their own way. Depending on the situation, some spouses might be going through something you simply will never have to deal with.

That doesn’t mean they don’t have a right to feel the way they do about what is going on. During a deployment, you want to be surrounded by people who are going to support you, and if you dismiss your friend’s feelings, they might push you away.

Give them space

Some spouses deal with a deployment by spending time by themselves. They might need some space to accept that the deployment has started. Make sure to give them space if they need it.

Please don’t assume that they want you there, because not everyone does. Let them know that you are there when they are ready to talk or hang out and keep busy.

Being on both sides

It’s so important that those of us who feel like we have it together don’t make those who don’t feel like they are less than. I have been on both sides of this.

I have been both the one struggling and the strong one. I have been the one pouring out my heart, and I have been the one who sat by listening as a friend poured out her own struggles.

The thing to remember about military life is that it is up and down, it is good and bad, it is happy and sad. When you are feeling good about what is going on, never forget that others are not, and never think that things will continue that way for you. You never know what the next day will bring.

An unexpected PCS? I have known people who have only been given a few weeks’ notice. A deployment that gets cancelled only to have it become uncancelled a week before they are supposed to go. A best friend having to leave when you are just about ready to start a new deployment.

Be there for your friends and the struggling military spouse. This will help out the whole military community and make life a little easier for those who need that little bit of extra love and care.

Have you ever been the struggling military spouse? How have others helped you along the way?

You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

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You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

You, military spouse, are stronger than you think.

Whether you are faced with another year-long deployment or a PCS to a country you never thought you would ever even visit, let alone live, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are faced with moving somewhere out of your comfort zone or to a place too far from home, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you are struggling with your three kids, three and under, or struggling with infertility, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you just found out you are pregnant, and they will be deployed soon, or you aren’t sure how you will handle the newborn years without them, you are stronger than you think.

Whether you can’t seem to make ends meet or you are upset that you can’t find the right job using your degree, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse joined the military after being married a couple of years or you are about to walk down the aisle to the love of your life, standing there waiting for you in their uniform, you are stronger than you think.

Whether your spouse is deployed to a dangerous location or your spouse is helping out in a natural disaster on the other side of the state, you are stronger than you think.

You see, military spouse, no matter what you are going through, no matter what your current struggle might be or what you have ahead of you, you are stronger than you think. You will get through this, and through your experiences, you will grow stronger with each one.

And at the end of the day, you and your service member will walk through the good and the bad of military life and come out stronger on the other side.

You, Military Spouse, Are Stronger Than You Think

7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

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7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

7 Things To Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard

Military life is a rollercoaster. You will have your good days and your bad ones. You will have highs and lows. You will be waiting for orders for months and months, and then you get them, and before you know it, you are on a plane headed to your next duty station.

It’s a strange way to live your life, always waiting and then not waiting and hoping and crying and then laughing. Your emotions are all over the place.

When you hit a hard season of Military life, it can be difficult to know what to do. You want to think positively, but it is hard. You want to keep busy, but all you really want to do is hide in your bed. You want to remember that this too shall pass, but all you see is more lonely nights, more frustrating days, and years of feeling like your life can never be normal again.

So, what do you do when you hit this point? What can you do to get out of it?

Here are 7 things to do when Military life gets too hard:

  • Find a good book. This works so well for me. If I can find a good book to get lost in, I can find my happiness, and I can make it through another day. If you are not much of a reader, you might want to try audiobooks. You can usually rent them from your local library and listen to them through your phone or your tablet. Find a good series to get into, and you will have books to read for months and months.
  • Find a good friend. Sometimes you just need to hang out with a friend. Sometimes you just need to vent it out to another person. Sometimes you just can’t be alone. If you don’t have anyone to call during this time, make plans to try to meet new people. When you get out and meet others, you are more likely to make a new friend.
  • Write in your journal. This can be so helpful. If you don’t have a nice journal, go out and find one you would love to write in. Plan to write in it whenever you are feeling down. Write out all of your thoughts. No one else is going to read it. This is solely for you. Taking time to get your thoughts out on paper can really get you in a better frame of mind.
  • Think about the past. Think about everything you have been through. Think about how hard the past was and how you made it through. Doing this will allow you to see that you have been through some hard times in the past, and you will be able to get through this more challenging period of Military life. It isn’t going to last forever, just like your previous hard season didn’t last forever.
  • Find a new hobby. Sometimes, when we can focus our energy on a new skill, we can forget about how hard life is at the moment. When I knew my husband was going to be deployed again, I decided to get into gardening, hoping that I could focus more on that while he was getting ready to go and after he left. It was nice to have that as a focus, to plant new things, water them, and learn as much as I could about it. Think about something you have wanted to learn how to do, maybe this time in your Military life is the time to do it.
  • Start a blog. When Military life gets hard, you want to find others who are going through what you are. This is why starting a blog can be a good idea. You can make it a private one to just share with your friends, or you can go public and try to meet other Milspouse bloggers and readers. Having your own blog is a  great way to get your story out and see that you are not alone in your struggles.
  • See if you can change anything. When you are in this place, you can feel like the only thing you can do is get through it. Sometimes, there could be something else you can do. Think about your situation and if there is anything that you can change to make it better. I did this during our 2nd deployment. I knew going through another summer during a deployment would be very difficult. I took the boys and spent the summer in California with my family. It was a good break from what we were dealing with and helped me have more support during that time. You might not always be able to change anything but see if you can because it might help you get through it.

Have you ever felt like Military life was a little too much at times? What have you done to get through it?

 

How Military Families Can Go to SeaWorld For Free, Yes Free

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Growing up in Southern California, I have many fond memories of SeaWorld. So, when my husband joined the military, I was excited to hear that military families can visit SeaWorld for free, yes, free. Since then, we have taken advantage of the amazing SeaWorld military discount a handful of times.

While most amusement parks offer discounts ranging from 5% to 50% off, SeaWorld provides complimentary tickets to the service member and their family. Here is what you need to know about going to SeaWorld for free:

What is the SeaWorld military discount?

Through the Waves of Honor program, you can receive free admission to SeaWorld San Diego, SeaWorld San Antonio, or SeaWorld Orlando. Every active duty service member can get in for free, plus three direct dependents. Spouses can redeem the tickets if the service member is overseas, but must log in under their account.

SeaWorld San Diego

At Sea World San Diego, you can also get the 2025 Military pass for $99.99. You can purchase this for the service member and family up to six passes. This pass gives you unlimited admission and general parking through December 2025.

SeaWorld San Antonio

At Sea World San Antonio, you can also buy 50% off tickets, for up to six tickets in addition to the four complimentary ones. You can buy the 2025 Military pass, but it ends September 1, 2025.

SeaWorld Orlando

At Sea World Orlando, you can also buy 50% off tickets, for up to six tickets in addition to the four complimentary ones. You can buy the 2025 Military pass with parking for $172.99, up to six passes, to use through December 31st, 2025.

Who qualifies for this military discount?

Active duty military, activated or drilling reservists, and National Guard members.

What about veterans? Does SeaWorld have a veterans discount?

Yes, veterans can also get a free ticket to SeaWorld San Diego and SeaWorld San Antonio, and up to three for friends and family. They can also get up to six tickets for 50% off. Sadly, this promotion ended July 31st. But look forward to next year.

At SeaWorld Orlando, veterans can get up to six 50% single-day tickets.

There are also options for the 2025 Military pass!

How do you get the SeaWorld Military discount?

To get these SeaWorld military discounts, you will need to verify your military status with ID.me. You should also be prepared to show your military ID at the gate.

Quick Links for All the Discounts and Parks

Looking for the latest information about a specific park? Here you go!

SeaWorld Orlando Active Duty
SeaWorld Orlando Veterans
SeaWorld San Diego Active Duty
SeaWorld San Diego Veterans
SeaWorld San Antonio Active Duty
SeaWorld San Antonio Veterans

Enjoy your visit!

Universal Studios, Disneyland and Walt Disney World, and Knott’s Berry Farm also offer military discounts on their tickets.

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

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Last week was a killer for me. Not only did I lose my iPhone to a pool accident, but my car had a lot of issues, and my best friend here at Ft. Campbell moved away. We met in the summer of 2011 and became fast friends. A few of our boys are best buddies, too. I knew it was coming. I knew she would be leaving right when summer started. I didn’t want to think about it too much because it made me sad, but I knew it was there.

When you are in the military community, you know people are going to move all the time. Sometimes you find someone, hit it off, only to find out they are moving in a few months. This has happened to me several times. But spending almost 4 years together is such a treat. It doesn’t happen often, and I am so happy it happened with us.

But last week I had to say goodbye and it was hard. When it was time to say that last, “see you later…” it seemed a little unreal. Even though I knew it was coming, it was hard to let go.

The last time I said goodbye to a friend like this, I was the one moving. This was the first time I was the one staying, and it feels a little different. While she is on to her next adventure, I am still here trying to find my place now that she’s gone.

I have gone through some stages during the last few months, stages I think anyone who has said goodbye to a dear friend has been through.

Getting the news

This is when you first find out your friend is moving. Their spouse got orders. They have an ETS date. They know when they will be leaving the area.

You take it in stride. You don’t worry too much about it because it is 3 months, 6 months, maybe a year into the future. You feel like you have plenty of time before you have to say goodbye. Plus, things change a lot. Nothing is certain in military life until it happens.

It is coming

So your friend tells you they now have a move-out date, plane tickets, or a range of days they will be leaving the area. This is really going to happen. Your friend is really going to move.

This is when you start to worry about life after they have gone. Who will you sit around and talk about everything and nothing with? Who will you call when you need an emergency babysitter? Who will you make plans with when your husbands are both away or working?

You start to panic a little at the thought. But still. Since it is still weeks away, you try not to get too sad about it.

The Moving Truck

This is real, folks. You see the move with your own eyes. When you walk into your friend’s house, you no longer see that couch you used to sit on when you talked about the ills of the world; you see empty spaces and boxes. You see movers and packing lists, and you realize that they are, in fact, moving and it will be soon. That they really are PCSing away from you.

The Goodbye

You make plans that last week. You want to spend as much time together as possible. You have to work around schedules, and you have to remind yourself that this might be the last time you can actually hang out. And then a few hours open up, and you can get together again. Until you know it has to be the last time.

You know this because they are leaving the area in a few hours. And while you are hanging out together, you realize that it is time to go home, and it will be time to say that last goodbye. That moment you have ignored for months is finally here. And you say goodbye or see you later, and all the time you had together flashes before you, and you wonder where all the time went.

You think of the future and how her little two-year-old might be a lot older when you see each other again. You think about what life will be like without her around, and it hurts a little. You wish her and her family well. You are happy for them that they get to move on to their next adventure.

The Future

You will never ever forget about your friend. You will text, email, and share photos on Facebook. You will hear about their new life and share more about yours.

You will eventually make plans to see each other again, even if it is years from now. You get to a place where, although you miss her like crazy, you accept she is gone and look to move on. You think about the other people in your life and how you still have a good circle around you.

You think about how you will eventually be the one to leave, having to say goodbye to many people when that time comes. You think about how you are a strong military spouse who has been through worse.

It’s hard to say goodbye to a friend, especially one you were very close to. But at the same time, it is something you can deal with and work through.

Have you been through saying goodbye to a good friend? How did you deal with it all?

The 5 Stages of Watching Your Best Friend Move Away

When It Is Time To Say Goodbye, To A Place You Called Home

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When It Is Time To Say Goodbye, To A Place You Called Home

The day is finally here, and you can’t really believe it. The movers will be here at 7, or maybe 8. Hopefully no later than 9. They will come to pick up your household goods. You will see them again soon, after a five day trip across the county.

You can’t help but wonder how this happened so fast. Sure, you were ready to get out of here, four years is a long time in one place. Sure, you couldn’t wait to PCS, you had been dying to move closer to your family ever since your husband joined the military 10 years ago. But now that this move was really happening? You are a ball of emotions.

You wonder how you will say goodbye to the best friends you have made here. Will you ever see them again? Will they ever be able to visit?

You wonder how you will get to know a new community. That took a while when you first moved here. Will it take that long again?

You wonder how your kids will do. They have to start over in a new school. You know they are scared, how can you help them through?

You are not sure what you should do once you get there. Should you look for a job? Is it worth taking a few classes to get your license in a new state?

As you drink your coffee, waiting for the military movers, you hope you will like your new home. Your current place is the only home your three-year-old knows. There are so many memories in this small home.

You might hate how small the closets are, or how much in BAH you are giving up but this place is home, and now it is time to move to another one.

It is time to say goodbye to a place you have called home, and you know that is never easy.

You have gone through a PCS before, you can do this. You will shed a few tears and then move on like you always have. You will be on the road soon and this duty station will become a memory.

In the years to come, you won’t miss the traffic getting on post, but you will miss all the playdates you had at the park by Starbucks.

You won’t miss how difficult getting a well-child appointment for your kids was, but you will miss the little cafe you would meet your husband at for lunch sometimes, waiting to pick up your son from pre-school.

You won’t miss how hard making good friends here way, but you will miss the friends you did meet, the memories you made, and all the fun you had together.

A PCS is an emotional time for any military spouse. You have to say goodbye to a place you have called home. You might never return, and you might never see these people again.

We are so lucky to live in a time with Facebook so we can keep in touch very easily. We can text our friends as we head our separate ways. We can watch their kids grow up through photos, even though we probably remember them the ages they were when we said goodbye.

We can look forward to starting over in a new place. We trade humidity for Alaskan summers. We trade being close to home for overseas experiences. We learn to live anywhere and bloom where we are stationed.

And after a few years, it is time to move again. To start the process all over. To watch the moving truck come and go.

To clean the house one last time. To pack the car. And watch your past fade into the future.

And there will be tears, and there will be laughter, and there will be hope. Hope that in your new place you can feel at home again soon. That this PCS will be a little easier because you have been through it all before.

You have hope that you will make new best friends, ones you will make some amazing memories with.

You have hope that you will get to know a new community, and your new duty station will soon feel just like home sooner, rather than later.

You have hope that your kids will be okay, and will look at this as an adventurous part of their childhood.

It is time to say goodbye to a place you have called home, and you know that is never easy. But you also know that this move is apart of your military life journey. And that no matter how different your new place is from what you knew before, you will figure everything out, as so many military spouses have done before.

Are you PCSing anytime soon? Where will you be going???