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Can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?
I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.
There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military when I didn’t think I could do it either.
When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.
Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.
Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.
Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.
For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.
In either case, the military spouse can feel like their world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.
I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.
But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.
That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.
For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.
The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.
While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you.
That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family. We are all our own people, and we have to make the choices that work for us.
What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?