Deployment

The Night Before They Deploy

September 12, 2019 by Julie

You never thought this day would come, you held on to the hope that something would change. That they really wouldn’t have to go, or that you would get some extra time together.

But it is now the night before they deploy, the last night to say goodbye, and you are trying to keep it all together.

A part of you is relieved. The deployment can begin. You can start your countdown.

The sooner they leave, the sooner the deployment will be over. And then life can get back to normal. At least on the surface.

You have been through this before, but this time seems different. Deployments always seem so different, no matter how many you go through.

You are worried about your kids, you are worried about yourself. You want to rock this deployment, but right now you are just wondering how you will make it through each day. You want to thrive vs just survive during this deployment, but that seems like a big task.

Your anxiety is up, your anxiety always goes up when they deploy. You think about all the things you can do to help, you hope that something does.

On this night before they deploy, you think about all you have been through together. You remember your dating years, your wedding, your first year together. You think about your future, what may be, what you hope will be.

You are fully aware of the dangers of serving in a war zone, but you hope and you pray that your spouse will come back to you. You hope and pray your friends can have that happen too. You hope and pray for a deployment where everyone returns…not sure how possible that even is.

You hope you can find your groove this deployment like you did last time. You figured out how to do this before, you should be able to do it again. Your friend circle has changed, but you hope that you can make plenty of good memories with your new friends, just like you did last time.

As you watch your spouse, this night before they deploy, you think about how many times you have had to watch them go.

When they left for basic training, a few years into your marriage.

When they deployed the first time when your son was only a year old.

When they left for JRTC, to prepare for this deployment.

You remind yourself you have been through this before, even though you will never get used to saying goodbye. You remind yourself that you are strong and can support your spouse in this way. You remind yourself that you are creative and always figure it out.

But you are worried too. Worried that this deployment will be too long. Worried that this deployment will be too hard. Worried that this deployment might break you…hours before they even have to go.

You want to enjoy this last night together. You don’t want the time together to be filled with tears. There will be time for tears later.

On this night before they deploy, you try to focus on what you can accomplish when they are gone. You make a list of deployment goals. You make notes of what you hope to get done.

As you lay your head on your pillow that night, you hold back the tears as they hold you one last time before they go. You know the morning will come soon, too soon. You know this time together is limited.

You drift off to sleep, and before you know it is the morning of the deployment. They are already up, getting ready. You don’t want to get up, if you do, all of this becomes reals. But you do it anyway.

And soon it is time to leave, to get into the car, to drive them to where they have to go.

And then you are saying goodbye. You are letting go. One last hug, one last kiss. And one more just because.

They say goodbye to the kids, they say goodbye to you, and they walk away, to start another deployment, another time apart.

As a military spouse, you know deployments are part of the deal. You know that saying goodbye is a part of the deal. You know that this won’t be the last time you will have to say goodbye.

But you also know that you are strong enough for this. You are strong enough for another deployment. The time apart won’t always be easy, and the days might be more difficult than normal, but you are committed to getting through, even if just one day at a time.

Are you getting ready to go through a deployment? Make sure to check out my other deployment posts to help you through. And head on over to my Facebook group to help find extra support during military life.

Balancing Staying Busy When Your Spouse Is Deployed

August 27, 2019 by Julie

Stay busy!

Fill your days!

Don’t stay at home!

Have you heard this deployment advice before? It’s good advice. If you are always at home, not doing anything, the deployment is going to be a lot harder for you. You need to stay busy, find things to do, so that time passes instead of standing still.

But…

Can you be too busy?

What if you have taken on too much?

Can you survive without any downtime?

I know I can’t. I need time at home to recharge. I need to relax. I can’t be busy all of the time.

During deployments, I find myself trying to find the perfect balance. I want to stay busy, but I still want some downtime. I don’t want to get bored, but also want to be able to breathe a bit sometimes. And finding this perfect balance can be so difficult.

So what can you do to find that balance? How can you stay busy without being too busy? Here are some tips to help:

Say yes to the best

When filling out your calendar, you might be presented with so many different activities and events. Only say yes to the ones you really want to go to. What types of things do you really enjoy doing? What works best for your kids, and your budget?

By only saying yes to the best things, you can avoid feeling burned out by activities that really aren’t your style. While you want to be open to new experiences, if you know that taking your kids to a certain play-place always ends in tears, it might be best not to make plans to go there for the time being.

Know your kids

This goes along with what you say yes to. You know your own kids. You know what works well for them and what doesn’t. You know how much they can handle on a given day.

I have a son that needs a lot of downtime at home to recharge, especially after a long school day. This can be a big challenge when trying to stay busy. I always had to figure out the best way to balance our time keeping that in mind.

Stay busy at home

There are things you can do to stay busy when you are at home. You can start a DIY project, start on a new book series, or even sign up to take classes online.

You don’t always have to fill your calendar with big events or activities far from home. There is a lot you can do to stay busy at home, which can be helpful when you have small kids.

The key is having some type of plan. Invite a friend over for playdates, put down the dates you will be repainting your kitchen on your calendar, or make time to go for a walk to break up the day.

It’s okay to say no

It’s okay to say no. It is. Running a household when you are the only parent around means you have to either do everything or delicate everything so it gets done. You might be the only one cooking, the only one cleaning, the only one making sure the kids get to where they need to go.

Because of this, you can get burned out pretty easily. During this stage, you might find people asking you to do things. You might find yourself feeling like you always have to say yes.

But you know what? You don’t always have to say yes. You can say no sometimes. The world will not fall apart I promise.

If you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with your busy schedule, see what you can say no to. It might even be saying no to something that week, knowing you need the rest. It might even be saying no to something good, but deep down you know you need a chill day more than you need to be busy.

Plan days to relax

Put days on the calendar just to relax. This can look different to different people.

Some would want to just chill at home, others would book a spa day or go browse around a bookstore.

If you have kids, check into your local CDC to see if they have any Super Saturday events going on, or if they offer extra free childcare hours. You can take these days for yourself during a deployment, and create some peace during a busy time.

Don’t compare yourself to others

Some people like to be busier than others. I know for myself, I need to have my downtime, deployment or not. I like to get out and do things but if I don’t have that downtime, I can really feel it.

Sometimes I see what some of my friends do each weekend and I feel like I could never do that much on a regular basis. And I think that is okay. We all have different personalities.

During a deployment, you might see friends, even ones with a deployed husband, doing what you feel would be too much for you. Don’t worry about that. They are doing what is best for them, you do what is best for you. Don’t feel like you have to keep up with them if that doesn’t work for you and your family.

There is something nice about finding that perfect balance, and you might not always totally get there. You might go through months at a time where everything is flowing and then will have to redo your schedule and make some changes. Burn out is so very real during a deployment but you can do things to help stay more balanced.

Whatever you do, however you choose to stay busy, know that it is okay to take a down day, or not schedule so much. Figure out a good balance and remember that how you choose to spend the time might look different than how other people do. Find things you enjoy, and don’t be afraid to say no sometimes.

Make sure to check out my other deployment posts to help you through and enjoy these blog post from other military spouse bloggers on self-care and staying busy:

What does milspouse self-care look like anyway?

Self-Care for MILSOs: A Deployment’s Worth of Healthy Practices

50+ Amazing Things Military Spouses Can Do During Deployment

There is No Minimum Amount of Time to Miss Your Spouse

August 22, 2019 by Julie

The longest deployment my husband went through was 15 months. The shortest was 5.5 months. And then we had a few in-between.

The 15-month deployment was long, and we lost a lot of men. That part of the deployment was so hard to deal with, and I am thankful that wasn’t quite the case in any of the deployments that followed that one.

I was so thankful to hear when the Army went down to 9 months for most deployments. I know that some do deploy for longer, but to hear that the 12 months (or longer) wasn’t the standard anymore was a relief.

I do know some spouses prefer a longer deployment vs a bunch of shorter ones. They can get into deployment mode and ride it out verses always going back and forth between their spouse at home and then being gone again. Spouses of special forces service members might have their spouse coming and going all year long, that is just the way their job works.

Within the military as a whole, there are many different deployment patterns, where some branches have longer deployments than others. Some service members also deploy more than others. There isn’t just one standard amount of time a military member will deploy.

If my husband does have to deploy, I would prefer he go for a shorter amount of time. Longer deployments can affect you in ways shorter deployments might not. And deploying over a year brings up other challenges.

But…

That doesn’t mean that shorter deployments are easy, or that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to miss them.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to be sad about them being away from you.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time for your spouse to be deployed before you are allowed to ask for help or to find support.

The truth is, deployments affect us all in different ways. One military spouse might be having a difficult time with the idea that her spouse is in a war zone, while another might be struggling with solo parenting or the loneliness that comes with being the only person in the home.

The truth is, a three-month deployment for one person could be just as difficult as a six-month deployment to someone else. How a military spouse views and even handles a deployment depends on so many factors.

There is no minimum amount of time to miss your spouse. You just do.

Whether they are gone for a two-week training over AT while in the National Guard, or an extended 15-month deployment while active duty.

Whether they are gone for a three-month school in the Air Force, or a six-month deployment to Africa with the Army.

Whether you are apart for a year while you PCS back to the US early, or you are apart for six weeks waiting to PCS to Germany to join your spouse, literally just waiting on paperwork.

We need to remember this when talking with other spouses. We need to remember what it was like when our spouse first left for basic, or when they left for their first deployment. We have all been through it and we can help each other out.

If you are currently going through a year-long deployment and hear a spouse complain about a three-month deployment, of course, you are going to want to say something. You might wonder why they think it is so hard when you have so much longer to go then they do. But the truth is, a deployment is a deployment and while a three-month deployment may look easy to someone going through a year-long deployment, the deployment is anything but easy.

So even though it can be hard to do sometimes, trust me, I have been there, we should try to put ourselves in other military spouse’s shoes. None of this is easy, and we all might need a little help every now and then. Try to remember what it was like the very first time you had to say goodbye to your spouse and send them overseas.

Compassion goes a long way in our military community. Being aware that others might be struggling is important. Do what you can to help other spouses instead of playing the “who has it worse” game. Our community will be stronger for it.

If you are currently going through a deployment and struggling a bit, you have come to the right place. Check out my blog posts on deployments, or any other part of military life. You can also join my Facebook group or connect with me on social media. You are not alone and you got this!

16 Memes For When You Are Struggling Through A Deployment

August 13, 2019 by Julie

Your spouse left a few months ago and you are not even halfway through this deployment. You told yourself before he left that you were going to rock this deployment. But here you are, struggling, trying to get through.

I have totally been there myself. I have had days where I just wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through the end of the month without completely breaking down. I would have to stop and remind myself that I could get through this deployment, that I could handle the time apart. That I could get through this challenge.

Some memes are pretty funny, they make you laugh and can help you feel like you got this. Other memes are more serious, but they hit you hard and can help you not feel as alone as you might feel during your deployment.

Here are 16 memes for when you are struggling through a deployment. Hopefully, they can help you during this part of your military spouse journey.

You don’t have to follow every single piece of deployment advice you hear. Some of the tips might not work for you and your family. That’s okay 🙂

16 Memes When You Are Struggling Through A Deployment

Staying busy and making friends is really going to go a long way in helping you through a deployment.

Yes, some days will definitely be one hour. That’s okay!

Sometimes you just have to think of the positives. Like the remote. If he is gone, it’s all yours. Unless your kids steal it.

Yes! We are military spouses! And we stand by and support the members of our military. That isn’t always easy to go but we love them, so we do it.

Remember, no matter how badly you might be feeling or how hard you are struggling, there are always things you can do to get to a better place.

The weather during a deployment can really mess with you! Whether it is a snowstorm, hurricane, or endless tornado warnings. Try to prepare yourself before the weather comes, and they will be easier to deal with.

Daydreaming about homecoming always put me in a better mood during a deployment. Homecoming gave me hope.

Wine and chocolate 🙂

Yep, that first month and that last month will take the longest! That’s a fact!

Sometimes thinking about what you have been through in the past can help you focus on the future.

Just, just keep going. You got this!

Some days are going to be better than others. Remember, each day is a brand new day and anything can happen. Try not to get stuck on the bad days.

Yes! Get out there and try something new. See what happens. You might find a new hobby or make a new friend.

Those phone calls are the best 🙂

I know it can be hard to believe sometimes, but each deployment will make you stronger. You will find ways to make it through and will find yourself at the end.

What is your best tip for surviving a deployment???

How To Have a Date Night When Your Spouse is Deployed…in GIFs

August 7, 2019 by Julie

Your spouse is deployed, but you want to try to plan a date night anyway. This could work you think, even though you are 6,000 miles apart. You need that time with your spouse, and setting up a “date night” over video chat is the best way to do it.

Here is how to have a date night when your spouse is deployed…in GIFs:

Step One: Figure out when they will be able to talk and when you can talk at the same time, for longer than 5 minutes.

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Step Two: Put the date and time in your calendar, knowing it might change.

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Step Three: Put the kids to bed early that night, hopefully, they won’t give you any trouble. Being a solo parent is hard work!

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Step Four: Get ready for your “date.” Do your hair, make-up, and put on a fancy dress, just for fun and to make things more date-like. Pour yourself a glass a wine, everything is perfect!

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Step Five: Put kids back to bed after they keep getting out of bed. Pray they fall asleep before 8 pm, the time you have scheduled for your deployment date.

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Step Six: 8:05 pm. No word from the kids, no word from the husband. Just wait.

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Step Seven: 8:35 pm. Still waiting on your spouse, and you are getting quite sleepy.

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Step Eight: 8:55 pm. Debating on if you should call it a night, figuring he got held up somewhere. That happens, you know. But you can’t help but feel a little disappointed.

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Step Nine: 9:15 pm. Decide that your deployment date is a bust for the night. Get ready for bed, maybe tomorrow will work out better? Check your phone one more time, just in case.

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Step Ten: 9:45 pm. Crawl into bed, close your eyes, and fall asleep.

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Step Eleven: 9:55 pm. The phone starts to ring, he finally made it. Your phone wakes you up, but you don’t care.

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Step Twelve: You finally get to have your deployment date. You are in your pjs, but you don’t care. You finally get to talk to the love of your life and all is well in your world, at least for now.

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As military spouses, we sometimes have to make the best out of what we have, go with the flow, and hold on to the good moments among the more difficult ones.

Have you ever tried to have a date during a deployment?

Why You Should Dive Into Books During Your Next Deployment

July 25, 2019 by Julie

This post does contain affiliate links!

Twilight. I read all the Twilight books during one of our deployments. A friend told me about them, and even though I was already 30 years old, I dove right into that series.

I am a huge reader. I usually average about 70 books a year and would love to read more. I always have a couple of books going and always aware of some of the newest books that are out there.

I love most types of fiction, from a sweet romance to a crazy sci-fiction story. I read paper books, on my Kindle, and audiobooks. I always have at least one book with me. I also enjoy certain types of non-fiction, such as memoirs or fun topics that interest me.

There is not one day that goes by where I don’t read some part of a book, I just can’t do it. Reading is like brushing my teeth for me. Reading is just something I always do.

During deployments or any time my husband has been away from us, books have become even more important. I love to get lost in a series, read about some other time in history, or another place that I can’t physically visit at the moment.

I love a good binge-watch but there is something about getting lost in a good book that just takes me away from what I am dealing with and heals my soul a little bit. Stories are so very therapeutic and perfect to dive into during a deployment.

A good book can warm your heart, allow you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and distract you from something you would rather not think about.

Reading a good book can be a form of self-care and as military spouses, we know how important that is. Reading can keep you busy and staying busy is a must during a deployment.

If you haven’t picked up a book for a while, maybe now is the time? There are so many good ones. So many books to get lost in. So many books that will take you to another place.

If you are feeling lonely and missing your spouse, a book can put you in a better mood. If you are having a rough time with the kids, a book can make you laugh, and help you feel better. If you are dying to be somewhere else, a book can take you all over the world.

On a practical level, reading a book before bed can make you sleepy. If you are having trouble falling asleep when your spouse is deployed, try reading in bed. My Kindle is right by my bed so if I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, I can read for a bit in order to do so. Works about 90% of the time 🙂

If you would love to read and feel like you don’t have any time, let me make a few suggestions.

Try audiobooks. You can listen to these while you are doing chores, while driving, or going on a walk. Use your library card with either Overdrive or Hoopla to check them out for free.

Always have a book handy. Put one in your car, put the Kindle app on your phone, or stick one in your purse. There are so many times you might have to wait somewhere and if you have a book on you, you can read a chapter or two. Jessica Turner’s book, The Fringe Hours: Making Time For You is a great read all about finding those extra moments.

Don’t think you have to read a book all in one sitting. I think part of the reason I can read so much is that I don’t feel the need to finish a book all in one sitting. If that were the case, I would never finish anything. Be okay with a chapter here and there, whenever you have time, and you will be able to get your reading done.

Read in front of your kids. Reading in front of your kids is totally fine. Just make sure they are safe, and you should be okay. You can read while you nurse, read while they are at the playground, or whenever you feel comfortable. Obviously, this is going to be an age thing and things will change as your kids get older but I don’t think kids growing up watching their parents read is ever a bad thing.

Join a book club. If you are really struggling, join a local book club. Usually, a book club will have one book you are supposed to read each month. Beyond that, at your book club, people will be talking about all the amazing books they are reading, and that can get your inspired too.

Join Bookstagram. Did you know that there is a name for all the accounts that share books on Instagram? Bookstagram is a wonderful place. I started an account just for books called The Fiction Book Cafe last fall and so glad that I did. I can talk about all the books I am reading and learn about what other book lovers are reading too. Make sure to join me over there 🙂

Need some suggestions on what to read?

For a sweet love story, check out One Day in December by Josie Silver, One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid, or The Bride Test by Helen Hoang.

For a book with a twist, check out The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine, Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell, or Lock Every Door by Riley Sager.

For an amazing story that spans many years, check out Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens, the Great Alone by Kristin Hannah, or Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane.

For a fantastic historical fiction book, check out Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate, Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly, or The Last Year of the War by Susan Meissner.

For an emotional story, check out An American Marriage by Tayari Jones, This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel, or The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne.

For a really amazing memoir, check out Educated by Tara Westover, Becoming by Michelle Obama, or Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive by Stephanie Land

For a book about time travel, check out the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon, The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, or 11/22/63 by Stephen King.

Looking for more suggestions? Check out my Goodreads and connect with me there too 🙂

How has reading helped you during a deployment?

When You Miss Them

July 8, 2019 by Julie

When you miss them, your heart can feel like it will never be the same.

When you miss them, you feel that deployment ache, and know that no matter what, a part of that ache will be there until they return home.

When you miss them, you have to find ways to make it through, to live your life, even with your hurting heart.

As a military spouse, deployments will come. There is nothing we can really do about that. Some deployments will come more often than others, there will definitely be seasons, and you will figure out how to navigate them the best way you know how.

When you miss them, you figure out who your true friends are, and help each other through.

When you miss them, you figure out what works for your family during a deployment, and what doesn’t.

When you miss them, you find a deeper love, that you might have missed had they never gone away.

As any seasoned military spouse knows, each deployment can be so different. Each deployment can come with its own challenges. And just because you have been through a deployment before it doesn’t mean you know what is ahead or what the next deployment will be like.

When you miss them, your heart skips a beat when you see them come online for a quick chat.

When you miss them, it can be difficult to see other couples, but you try to keep in mind that yours will be home with you soon.

When you miss them, you remember all the time they were home and promise yourself you will never take that time for granted again.

Any marriage is going to go through challenges. For the military spouse, these challenges can seem huge when their spouse is literally living on the other side of the world. Keep in mind that deployments are temporary and do what you can to stay connected over the miles.

When you miss them, each day down is another day closer to their return.

When you miss them, each day down means you are getting through the deployment, one day at a time.

When you miss them, you will figure out how to deal with the time they are away, and make it to the finish line.

When you first start a deployment, you will probably start missing your spouse as soon as you say goodbye. This is normal. You will feel like everything has changed, and it has. You will wonder how you will get through this time apart.

But, somehow you will be able to do just that. You will be able to take your deployment and get through it day by day. You will always miss them, that won’t go away, but you will find ways to cope with the distance until they return.

When You Don’t Feel Strong Enough For Military Life

June 18, 2019 by Julie

I couldn’t believe he was gone. I couldn’t believe this deployment had started. I couldn’t believe I had to go through this again.

I certainly didn’t feel strong enough for this. I didn’t feel strong enough for the deployment. I didn’t feel strong enough for military life.

And yet, somehow, the days went by. Somehow I made it through that deployment. Somehow I was strong enough to do just that.

Through that deployment, and other past deployments, I realized something powerful.

Not feeling strong enough to get through something doesn’t mean I am not strong enough to do so.

Often times, us military spouses feel like if we are not 100% prepared for any possible situation, if we can’t get through everything military life brings with a smile on our face, if we can’t do a thing without a couple of meltdowns, we are not a good military spouse.

This isn’t true at all!

The truth is, you are not always going to feel as strong as you want to. I certainly don’t. Some days I might feel like I have military life down, and other days? Not so much.

So, if you are not feeling strong enough for military life, you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Sometimes military life makes it hard to feel strong.

But what can you do about this? How can you find your inner strength? How can you get to a place where you feel like you can handle what military life is currently throwing at you?

Depend on your friends

I am not sure what I would have done over the years without my friends. They truly got me through, each and every deployment. From helping me stay busy, to being a shoulder to cry on. Depend on your friends, they can help you up when you are feeling down.

Don’t compare

This one is hard for me. When it feels like your husband is always the one who has to go, being happy for others can be more difficult. When it seems like your kids are the ones who have to go without their dad around, life can feel pretty unfair.

The best thing to do is to stop comparing yourself to other spouses, both civilian and military. Some service members deploy more than others. Some civilian spouses will never have to spend more than a weekend away from their spouse. And that is so hard to take.

But we can’t compare and dwell on how unfair everything is. We have to pull ourselves out of that. And if we can do that, we will be able to get to a better place and we won’t struggle with jealousy quite as much.

This too shall pass

If you need to tell yourself, “this too shall pass,” 50 times a day, do it. Reminding yourself that this deployment is a temporary situation is going to go a long way. I can’t tell you how many times I would feel like I was in stuck in a deployment funk, but simply reminding myself that the deployment was temporary helped me feel so much better.

When we are going through a difficult time, feeling like this is how life will always be is way too easy to do, but that isn’t the case. Look at how far you have come, and know you can be strong through the rest of the deployment too.

If you need extra help

If you are going through a deployment and you struggle with anxiety (which I do) or depression, please don’t be afraid to ask for extra help. Your mental health is so important and working on that during a deployment is a must.

When You Are Sick And Your Spouse Is Deployed

April 25, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

If you are a military spouse, and you get sick, it is probably going to be when your spouse is deployed, or otherwise not at home. You can thank Murphy’s law for that, I know I have been hit by Murphy myself.

While you can get to a place where you feel you are rocking a deployment, a stomach bug can turn things upside down, especially if you have young kids.

So…what should you do? What can you do? Here are some helpful tips for when you are sick and your spouse is deployed:

Ask for help

When you are sick, you might have to actually ask for help. If you are like me, this is going to be hard for you. I hate asking others for help and will try to do it all myself first.

However, I am not Superwoman and sometimes, I really need that extra help. If you have a close friend, see if they can bring you a few things from the store, or pick up a child from school. Most people are more than willing to help out a solo parenting military spouse.

Say no

If you are not feeling well, you are going to have to say no to some things. This can be hard to do sometimes. But we are all human, and we are all trying to get it all done, even if our spouse is overseas. And sometimes that means saying no, especially when we are sick.

Maybe the FRG won’t have as many food dishes that night, maybe a kid will have to skip practice, but sometimes we do have to let some things go during a deployment. Don’t burn yourself out when you are sick and don’t feel guilty if you have to say no to certain things. Besides, if you are contagious, you want to stay at home anyway.

Let your kids help you

If your kids are old enough, let them help you. Older children can help you with younger kids. Children can do extra chores, or help you around the house. Think about small ways they can help make things easier for you when you are sick.

Take care of yourself

In the end, remember to take care of yourself. Your health is important and you don’t want to ignore something that could become more serious later. Try to rest when you can, drink plenty of fluids, and get yourself to the doctor if you need to.

You should also be taking care of yourself before you get sick to hopefully lessen the chances of catching something. If you haven’t been for a checkup in a while, make an appointment. Don’t forget about your own dental care, and follow up on anything you think you need more information about.

When you get sick, all you really want to do is hide under your blankets but during a deployment, that probably isn’t going to be possible. Remember to ask for help if you need it, say no to some things, see if your kids can help, and remember that your health is important too.

Have you ever gotten really sick when your spouse was deployed? What did you do to get through that?

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

April 10, 2019 by Julie 1 Comment

You were trying, or maybe you weren’t. But the test is clear. You are pregnant, maybe with your first, maybe with your 4th but you know what this means.

Another baby…

A sibling for your two-year-old…

You are growing your family, just like you wanted to.

And as happy as you are, as excited as you are, there is something looming over your happiness.

Your husband, the father of your child, is deploying soon.

And you aren’t sure how you are going to handle everything. You just found out you are pregnant and he’s deploying…

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, there was a deployment in our future. We didn’t know exactly when. We didn’t know how long he would be gone. But we knew the deployment would happen.

And then it did. He left when I was 25 weeks pregnant, and I knew I had to figure out how to find my strength to get through this. I knew this deployment and pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy.

I had an almost two-year-old I would still need to take care of. I was already so tired but now I would be solo parenting. I also needed to figure out who would be with me during the birth. We didn’t know if my husband would be able to be there for that.

After he left and the deployment started, I went into survival mode and somehow got through the rest of my pregnancy. I made plans with friends, I asked my mom to come stay with me over my due date, and I took each day as it came, making the best of the time with just my two year-old.

If you have just found out you are pregnant and know there is a deployment in your future, here are a few things to think about:

Make Friends

Making friends through all of this is going to be such an important thing to do. You don’t have to go through this alone and having people who get what you are going through or can be there for you through everything is a must. When you are pregnant, you can also start getting out there and meeting other moms through places like MOPS or other groups on and off post.

Make Plans

With being pregnant and having a deployed spouse, you are going to need to make some plans. Who will you have there during your birth? What do you need to buy for your new baby? What will you do when you go into labor?

Make Time For Yourself

You need to make sure you are making time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. While staying busy is a must, you also want to make sure you aren’t taking on too much. Look at your schedule and see where you can take some time to just chill and relax, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

Make Decisions For You

Being pregnant with a deployed spouse, you are going to have people give you all sorts of opinions about what you should do. From a family member insisting that you move home druing the deployment to a neighbor expecting you to stay because she did. Try to figure out what would be best for you and your own situation and make decisions for you and your family.

So many of us have been through a pregnancy with a deployed service member or a spouse who has to be away for another type of training. When this happens it can bring up so many different feelings. You might wonder why your husband has to miss such a precious time in your life.

Figuring out the tools to get you through this time is so important. You can figure out what works for you and your situation. And doing that can get you through the pregnancy, the birth, and any other time your spouse will have to miss.

Have you been pregnant during a deployment? What got you through?

Deployment

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