Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Deployments Never Truly Go Away

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A Military spouse is never going to forget how hard it was to let their spouse go, how lonely the nights were, or, how happy they were when they finally came home.

Deployments Never Truly Go Away

It’s been years since the first time my husband deployed, over a decade ago. But that deployment changed my life forever, as it changed the lives of so many of my military spouse friends.

That deployment changed my husband and all of the men he served with. That deployment still comes up in my mind, and I always think about those who lost so much during those 15 months.

Recently I saw this article going around Facebook again, as it often does every once in a while, Europe’s deadliest deployment. I always re-read the article when I see it, and reading those words brings me right back to that deployment. That place. And those feelings.

Our men were gone for so long, many didn’t see their spouse for over a year, and my husband and I went 11 months between R&R and homecoming.

So many men were lost, so many didn’t come home, and not everyone who made it home was the same.

Us military spouses, being in a very small military community, had to cling to one another. I have never experienced anything quite like that since and I am thankful I had that type of experience during that 15-month deployment.

We somehow made it through that deployment, all 15 months of it, but that deployment changed us forever. That deployment shaped me into who I am today, more than any other deployment.

That deployment shaped me into who I became as a parent, realizing what was important and what I needed to let go. That deployment shaped me as a wife and gave me the strength to get through whatever came our way in the future.

Sometimes I wonder how I went so long without seeing my husband. In the deployments since we have never had to be apart for that long. And these days, even a few weeks seems so challenging.

When you are apart like that, you are living different lives. You have to. I had to be there for my boys, making parenting decisions, and doing what was right for our home. He had to be aware of what his mission was, and focus on what he had to do for his job, and how to stay safe.

We both dealt with loss.

Me, for friends who lost their husbands, and for the grief our community endured when we heard news of another death. You could see it on everyone’s faces as you walked around the Army post. We were all feeling the weight of the deployment, in so many different ways.

For my husband, who lost friends, ones who had just as much desire to return home to their spouses and children as he did. There is still so much pain there. A pain I will truly never understand.

And now, all these years later we will hear of someone else who has lost their life to suicide, and we grieve again, for the ripples of that deployment or deployments after that are still affecting people to this day.

Deployments are a bit different now. Deployments are shorter, and for that I am thankful. Communication is much easier, and that helps. However, deployments are still not easy and the military and military spouses need as much support as they can get.

Support not only during deployments, although that is important, but support after because that is an emotional ride for everyone.

When I think back to those 15 months, I realize that we just had to keep going, day by day. We couldn’t give up, even if we thought we wouldn’t make it through. And there were plenty of times we felt that way.

We had no choice but to get through the days apart and pray that our soldiers would come back to us.

You never forget your deployments. They stay with you forever. The smallest of things can remind you of what you went through. The smallest of things can take you right back.

Our military will probably always go to war in some form. And there will always be military families, spouses, and children who are going through the deployment back at home. And those of us that go through them will always remember these deployments and how we changed because of them.

We can learn more about ourselves from the time apart, and work to make life a little easier the next time our spouse has to go. We can support others going through a deployment, and let them know that they can get through them too.

This post does contain affiliate links!

Here are a few military spouse resources that can help you through deployments, post-deployment, or military life in general:

Military One Source

Operation We Are Here

Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage by Corie Weathers

15 Years of War: How the Longest War in U.S. History Affected a Military Family in Love, Loss, and the Cost Of Service by Kristine Schellhaas

Right Side Up: Find Your Way When Military Life Turns You Upside Down by Judy Davis

Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Deployment Posts

Is there one deployment that sticks with you above any others? How do you work through everything?

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

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When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

When you have your first baby, you go into a bit of survival mode. Everything is so new, and now you have this other person that depends on you for everything. You are not getting much sleep, and you just want to get through each day. And somehow you do. Your baby learns to sleep through the night, they start to walk, then run. They start to eat real people food and before you know the fog lifts and you feel more like yourself again.

As a military spouse, having a new baby isn’t the only time I have been in survival mode. 

My husband left for Germany when my son was just 13 months old. We had to wait for Command Sponsorship to join him and during those 4.5 months apart, I was right back into trying just to make it through each day. I didn’t sleep too well and found myself up until 3 am every night. Then my son would be wide awake for me just a few hours later. We didn’t have family nearby, and I was pretty much on my own other than a couple of friends and a playgroup we went to every week.

During those 4.5 months, my goal was to keep my son safe, and healthy, maintain the house, and work on all the paperwork and everything we had to do to get to Germany. There wasn’t a lot of time or energy to better myself as a person. My son watched way too much Elmo during those days, and I always felt like I was on the verge of tears.

When You Are Used to Living in Survival Mode

Over the next few years, my husband would deploy four times, and I would enter periods of survival mode. Trying to get through each day, trying to make the best of the time apart, feeling like I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted to do.

As we military spouses head into periods of deployment with survival mode hitting us in the face, we can feel like things will never change. That we will always be surviving and that we won’t do any thriving. That we just have to count down the days, getting through them, until they come home.

So how you can get out of survival mode? What can you, as a milspouse change to make the time apart from a better experience for yourself and your family?

Step outside your comfort zone

If you feel yourself sliding into survival mode, take a look and see what you can change about your day-to-day life. How can you step out of your comfort zone to try something new? Is it taking the kids to a new playgroup? Taking your kids to Grandma’s house by yourself? Joining a club that you heard about?

Trying something new can make you feel stronger, and that can carry over to the rest of your deployment.

Remember, you got this

Seriously, you do. Even if you think you are not making it through this deployment, as long as you wake up each morning, take care of your kids, and make it to the end of the day, you got this.

Remember, the deployment is just days. There might be a lot of days, but they are only just days. After you hit enough of them, you will be done, and the deployment will be over.

Make a lot of plans

Make plans. Stay busy. Start a new hobby. Get out with friends. Redo something in your house. Write a book. Volunteer. There are so many different things you can do to stay busy during a deployment.

As I look back on the times I was more likely to be in survival mode; it was when I wasn’t as busy and didn’t make as many plans.

It’s okay to cry

You are going to have bad, tear-filled days during deployments. It’s okay to cry. Try not to let the tears consume you. Let yourself do it but make sure to get out of bed. Think about the good things going on in your life, even if they are silly.

Start writing down all the good things that will happen during the deployment. Your son turning one, the latest book release from your favorite author, or a visit from your mom. All these little excitements will help you see that life still happens even when your spouse is deployed.

Ask for help

If you need to ask for help, do so. Military spouses have a hard time asking for help. I am so guilty of this. I will try to do everything myself before I would ever ask for help. But sometimes you need to.

If you feel like you need to see a counselor, do that too. Going to see a professional on a regular basis can help you through the deployment, help you see that you can do this, and help you thrive while your spouse is away.

Know that survival mode is okay, grow through it

Sometimes, you will just be in survival mode, and that is okay. Just remember, this won’t last forever. While I believe you can rock your deployment, not every day will look that way.

You know yourself and what you can handle. You know when things are getting too complicated and when you need to reach out. If that means being in survival mode for a while, that’s okay too.

What is the best way you have found to get out of survival mode and start to thrive during a deployment?

How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

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How to Support a Reserve Spouse During a Deployment

My name is Corrie Andreacchio, and I am a proud US Army Reserve spouse. My husband, SFC Joseph Andreacchio has served for over 18 years and is a two-time combat veteran with service in support of both Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom.

As a reserve spouse, we often do not have access to on-post resources and ease of access to connect in person with other military spouses, especially those from our spouse’s unit during a time of separation. During my husband’s 2013-2014 deployment to Afghanistan, many of the soldiers were from areas that spanned as many as 600 miles from the reserve center in Reading, PA.

In the first 30 days of that separation, it was hard. I found myself scouring the Facebook posts and FRG (now SFRG) community page to find potential matches for friendship. I was fortunate to cross paths with two incredible women – Erin and Nicole. We forged a friendship that was 100% virtual. We texted, we joined each other for virtual wine nights, and we set GOALS. Goals to hold each other accountable – and when we fell short, we leaned into each other and shared tears, virtual hugs (Nicole is NOT a hugger so this worked out to her benefit), and the permission to make it a “take-out” night for dinner.

Since our husbands deployed together in 2013-2014, we have all faced at least one more deployment off-cycle from one another. This was a new hardship because there is nothing like the camaraderie of going through a deployment alongside other spouses’ at the same time. However, we were able to lean into these ideas and support each other in spite of not having the common experience.

I was lucky. This is not always the case. Many of our reserve spouses are isolated. Isolated from their military community and isolated in their local community where there is not a common understanding of the sacrifice a deployment can take on the military family.

How can we support our reserve spouses during times of separation? Be there. Call. Text. When you do not know what to say, simply ask how they are doing.

Here are some ideas to guide your support of our reserve and national guard spouses when they are not able to join and/or attend more formal spouses’ clubs or SFRG functions due to location.

1)      Flat Stanley meets Green Soldier. Go to a party store (or lean on Amazon) and send green soldiers to your circle. Family, friends, and co-workers can all get involved. Create a Facebook group where you encourage everyone to post photos with their soldiers and the adventures that they are having at home while the service member is deployed. This is a great way to capture the memories for the service member upon their return and an awesome way for non-military connected support persons to participate.

2)      Drinks and Links. You can mail your reserve spouse cut pieces of construction paper and join them on a Facetime or Zoom to create a deployment countdown calendar while enjoying your Coffee, Wine, or Mocktail. Have one in your home in addition to theirs and celebrate the removal of each link. I would suggest a deployment countdown of either weeks or months, but Nicole plans to have a caterpillar of a daily countdown in her home. Godspeed, Nicole!

(OPSEC is critical, Do not share your exact countdown information).

3)      Monthly Celebration. Did your reserve or national guard’s spouse leave on the 20th of the month? Make it a point to connect with your friend on that day. Send a greeting card, FaceTime, and have a dance party. We highly recommend Katy Perry’s ROAR.

4)      Start or rediscover a Hobby. DIY home décor, gardening, knitting, scrapbooking. Pick a hobby that you can both do together. When our husbands were deployed in 2013-2014 Erin, Nicole, and I picked up working out. We all achieved significant goals and ended the deployments working out consistently two times a day, most days. We were stronger together and sweating for that homecoming

5)      Snail mail. There is nothing more fun than receiving happy mail. However, happy mail is really rare these days. My friend, Rebekah, who I met through a military spouse non-profit as volunteers, reminded me of the power of snail mail during my husband’s 2020 unaccompanied CONUS mobilization. She was so good about sending me greeting cards, letters, stickers for my daughter, and some surprise Amazon goodies that completely turned my day around. Somehow, most likely because of her husband’s career service as an EOD with the Air Force these snail mail happy mail packages always arrived on a day I really needed them. These do not have to be elaborate. Hand write a letter, and create a masterpiece with crayons and construction paper. Being thought of is what it is all about during a time of separation.

Erin, Nicole, and I have a lasting bond built on common experiences and the ability to make time for each other during our spouse’s deployment. Soon we will be celebrating TEN YEARS of friendship simply as a result of our husband’s jobs. It is truly an extraordinary thing to know that your spouse’s job can open a door to incredible friendships for reserve spouses if you’re able to find out how to connect with them. 

The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

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The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going. We have had to make a lot of choices over the years.

When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices. However, I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we made bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life-changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the military at age 30. It was something that we talked about for months beforehand. We had no idea what life would be like as a military family.

As I think back over the last 16 years as a Military spouse, I think in the end there have been many blessings in our marriage because of military life. Don’t get me wrong. Would I have preferred to have a husband who had never left us? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. 

For the last 16 years, we have said goodbye to each other too many times to count. I have been in solo parenting land off and on and that gets to me. I never thought I would be parenting alone so much of the time. This life hasn’t been easy.

But at the end of the day, there are blessings in a Military marriage.

We know what missing our spouse is like. Can you imagine never missing your spouse? I can’t.

I am not sure what that would be like? After so much time in this lifestyle, I can’t even wrap my mind around never having to miss him.  

I think missing someone can grow the relationship in a way nothing else can. If your spouse is gone and you don’t miss them at all, what does that say? It tells you something isn’t quite right. It tells you that there is probably a reason why you don’t and you and your spouse need to figure it out.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through a long separation. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each other’s arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through the mission. Knowing that you and your spouse are a part of history, and working to make the world a better place is a good feeling. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

I remember during one of our R&Rs my husband told us that through these deployments we will become that much stronger. I think this is the case for us but I know the reality that it isn’t always the case. I think deployments either make you stronger as a couple or can cause you to break.

If you are new to military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them. Hopefully, over the years, you will be able to look back and see them. I know we have.

How do you feel that the military has blessed your marriage?

How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

16 years ago this week, I got on a plane with my 18-month-old to join my husband in Germany. He had been over there for about 4 months, and we were finally joining him. The time apart was quite a whirlwind for me as I got used to the way the Army did things, slower than I would like.

The flight over was long. The leg from Chicago to Madrid was the toughest. My son’s car seat wouldn’t fit and he didn’t sleep a wink. Finally, as we sat down on our short flight from Spain to Germany, he crashed on my lap.

We met my husband in baggage claim at the Frankfort airport, sleepy and in a fog. Unless you count trips to Mexico as a teen, this was my first experience in a different country. This was my first experience in Europe. This would be my first experience on an Army post.

A few days later, I was walking my son in a stroller around the post. I stopped and just took everything in as a group of soldiers marched by. Up until a few months before, we had been a civilian couple, raising our son in a civilian family. But all of that had changed.

As the months went on, I started to become more comfortable with where I was. We were stationed in Schweinfurt, which was about two hours from Frankfort in Bavaria. I was 26 years old, and the interesting thing was when my mom was my age she also moved to Germany, as a DoD teacher near Ramstein. I grew up with photos and souvenirs she had collected during her time there. I was so happy to experience some of what she did, but as a spouse instead of a teacher.

I made friends pretty quickly as our FRG was very active. There was also a deployment coming up and all of us could feel it. So many of us had little ones and soon after we got there I discovered I was pregnant with my second little boy. There was a lot going on and a lot to take in.

After we had been there about five months, my husband deployed to Iraq. We assumed he would be back within a year, or even nine months. But that was the deployment that kept getting extended and he finally made it home after almost 15 months.

During that deployment, I learned so much about myself. About who I was as a mother, a wife, and a military spouse. It was my “welcome to this life” baptism that I didn’t really fully understand until much later, after moving back to the states and experiencing more deployments.

Our little community in Schweinfurt was something so special and different. For one thing, the post was pretty small. We only had about 3,000 soldiers. Compare that to Fort Campbell which has around 29,000 soldiers. Pretty much every soldier, unless you were on Rear D was deployed. Most of the soldiers went to Iraq and some to Afghanistan. But the reality was, the post was made up of military spouses, going through a very long deployment, far from home.

During the first part of the deployment I was pregnant, and as I got closer to the birth, that was my main focus. My amazing mom came out planning to stay two months over the birth and after to help. I can’t even tell you how much this helped me. My son was born just four days before his due date and three days before my husband made it back to Germany for R&R.

During those two weeks, my dad came over to join us and we had a nice family Christmas together. My parents left us for a week to travel and we had a week as a family of four before my husband had to head back to Iraq. That week was truly amazing. I can’t even tell you about what he did, other than sorting out my son’s birth certificate, but our family needed that time.

R&R was over, and my husband and I woke up before dark to take him to the train station to head back to Iraq. My husband stood over my son’s crib and said goodbye, thinking he would be back in about five months. In the end, he didn’t get back from another 11, missing almost his whole first year.

My dad headed home soon after, and my brother came to visit which helped with the after R&R letdown. In February, my mom and brother had to head back home, and soon after I ended up in the hospital with my two-month-old for RSV. I was so thankful for my military spouse friends who stepped in to help me during that week.

Winter ended, and it started to warm up a bit in Germany but our husbands were still deployed. We spouses worked hard to stay busy, and spend time together. We had Monday mornings at the coffee shop, we met for lunch, and met up at the park once it was warm enough to do so.

During those 15 months, I found myself in a tight-knit military community with almost all of us going through the same thing. This isn’t something you find in a lot of places, but this was my introduction to the military world. I didn’t realize at the time how different it would be at a stateside post when units were all coming and going at different times.

I learned through other military spouses, what they had been through in the past, and the lessons they had learned along the way. I learned true independence as I would go so long without being able to talk to my husband, and just had to figure everything out by myself. I realized what was important about parenting and what to let go of so that I could be the best mom for my kids.

The military was 100% in our face during this time. Yes, you could go off post and I did. I enjoyed walking my kids around in the double stroller and visiting all the different German shops. I was able to travel even more once my husband came home, going on a few USO trips.

But still, the military ruled so much about my life then. From where I got most of my groceries, to where I got my mail, to where my son went to preschool.

When we moved to the states, I found this wasn’t the norm. But it definitely shaped my military spouse experience.

Looking back, I am so glad I had the experiences I did. I was a part of history. I was a part of the military community. And learned so much along the way.

The Army has left Schweinfurt. If we were to visit again someday, we would find the area a very different place. I think they have knocked down most of the housing and there is no longer any American military presence. But the memories will stick with me forever.

The Halloween party we had when I was super pregnant. The Thanksgiving potluck we military spouses had while leaving computers on in hopes that a husband or two would log on. The time after R&R as I thought we were in the final stretch of the deployment and then learning we had so much more time to go.

The lonely nights we made better by spending time together while our kids played. The tensions that arose during a super stressful situation. Homecoming day, when the deployment was finally over, and we could get back to almost normal life while knowing we were now different people.

All of us were going through something so difficult but we had to find that strength to make it to the finish line and we had to do it together one day at a time. I will never forget those years, even if some of the details are fuzzy all these years later. I am thankful for being able to experience life overseas, and I am even more thankful for all that I learned while I was there.

Arriving at that small Army post in the middle of Bavaria as a brand new military spouse is something I will never forget.

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

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Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse Is In The Military

One of the hardest parts of being a Military spouse is when your spouse is away from you. They can be gone for a few weeks, a few months, or even up to a year. In some cases even longer. When you are dealing with that plus dealing with anxiety, life can feel like too much at times.

I never realized how bad my anxiety could get until right before our 4th deployment.

I have always been a bit of a worrier. I worry about silly little things that my husband just can’t understand. I have a hard time with driving. If I haven’t ever been to the place before, if it is too far from home, or if I have to drive somewhere at night, doing so can be a challenge.

I have had to work hard on this because I do have to drive most days. I have to power through. And most days I am able to.

I worry about silly things with my kids. Usually, when my husband is home, I can just ask him what he thinks and then I can calm down and it isn’t a big deal. When he is deployed, I can’t do that so my worry level goes up.

I get anxious about my car when I park somewhere new. I get anxious about locking my front door, did I remember to do it? I get anxious about a lot of little things and all of that can add up.

Right before our 4th deployment, I knew I needed to do something about my anxiety.

I couldn’t see how I could get through the deployment without upping my game a little bit. I had friends to hang out with, kids to keep me busy, and projects to work on but that wasn’t going to be enough this time. It just wasn’t.

I ended up talking to my doctor about what was going on and she suggested medication. I am not against meds altogether but I wasn’t sure if they were right for me. I really went back and forth about taking them. I decided I wanted to see how counseling would work before I tried medication.

So I started going to see someone. Thank goodness Tricare paid for it. Going to counseling was the best thing I could have done. I am not going to say that all my anxiety went away, it didn’t, but talking to someone really helped me, in ways nothing else did.

If I ever get to where I feel the way I did back then, I would go see someone again in a heartbeat.

Anxiety is rough, and for me, a deployment made that anxiety worse.

Studies have found that wives of deployed soldiers are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. This was not a big surprise to me. I know I am not the only one that struggles.

Throw in a deployment, or two, or three or, however many you have to go through, and life can get pretty challenging. I think as military spouses we want to be strong but anxiety or depression can drag us down, and make us feel as if everything is just too hard.

The issue with anxiety is so much more than just worrying. We all might worry about our spouses being in a war zone, at least on some level. Anxiety goes much further than that and should be taken more seriously. Anxiety can make you worry about things that other people don’t even think about.

We can’t just pray anxiety away or go out with friends to get rid of those feelings. Anxiety is something we have to work at on a daily basis. Anxiety can ruin your whole day. Anxiety can make life so much more difficult.

So what should you do if you struggle with anxiety and your spouse is in the Military?

You need to take steps to figure out how you are going to get through what you are dealing with. If your spouse is going to make the Military a career, you will have to figure something out. For some that might be moving back home during a deployment, others might need to take medication or start seeing a counselor. Some military spouses might need to do everything in order to get to a better place. Don’t be ashamed and try to seek help if you can.

The Military does have some resources for you too. You can visit the Tricare page to see what your options are. Military One Source is also a great resource for more information.

Remember that you are only human and if you feel like you need extra help, ask for that help. Admitting this can be difficult but important. You will be a better spouse, a better parent, and a better friend if you can get the help you need.

Do you struggle from anxiety? How do you deal with it all when going through something difficult like a deployment?

When Military Life Isn’t Fair

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When Military Life Isn't Fair

Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t.

One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation. Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of what needs to get done.

We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to, and figuring out what the was problem took some time.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. How often they deploy depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule. Or in military life in general. That is just the way it tends to work.

Through the years I have learned that sometimes you just have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change a lot and you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening and what I need to do to prepare. Military life makes this hard sometimes. Often times you get little notice for something.

Some military families only get a short notice before they have to move. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways. The whiplash is hard to take. And can happen over and over again.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but over the years, as I became a more seasoned military spouse, I started to understand the realities of military life.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that military life is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best you can. Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

Military life isn’t far, even if you think that it should be. Military life is filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, good times, and bad. You just have to work to find a way to make this life work for you, even if that means taking all the struggles one day at a time.

5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

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5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

Sometimes life just sucks. It gets frustrating. You are going about your business, expecting a certain outcome and something gets in your way.

You have hopes and dreams and then realize they will be harder to achieve than you first thought. You just want to get through the day without feeling sad but you can’t help your emotions. This happens to all of us.

Whether you feel that way is because of your family, career, or even a failed friendship, life can feel really difficult sometimes. When you get bad news you want to just curl up in your bed and try not to think about what is going on.

Bad days are hard but when you have one, try to remember this…

Tomorrow is another day

You never know what it will bring. Saturday could be horrible but that doesn’t mean that Sunday has to be. Focus on the positive things that have happened to you recently and have hope that tomorrow is a much better day.

Most likely it will be and the sad day won’t last forever. Most likely, the next day will bring more good things than bad. And that is something to look forward to.

You are not alone

There are others going through what you are. There are others going through much worse. This isn’t the first time that whatever has happened to you has happened.

Many people have come before you and gone through it before. If you are dealing with a certain issue, talking to someone who has gone through that issue before can help. They can give you some perspective and tips on getting through it.

When it comes to military spouses, we have been through it all. We understand what it is like to miss someone so badly, we understand what it is like to have to say goodbye to a good friend, we understand what it is like to have to prepare to send someone to fight in a war.

Take a breath

Sometimes stopping and spending time by yourself can really help you get your mind in a better place. Writing in a journal and saying some prayers can go a long way in making life a little better. This is especially important if you find yourself overreacting about certain things.

Taking time for yourself can allow you to calm down and get to a more peaceful place. Find things you like to do, whether that is reading a good book, messaging a friend, or even going for a long walk. Taking care of your own needs can help you get back on track and give you the perspective you need to keep going.

Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others is a hard habit to break. This can happen a lot within your military spouse life. Watching someone else’s spouse come home before yours can trigger this. Watching another military family PCS when you wish it was you can cause jealousy.

Comparing your situation with others, or getting stuck in a jealousy cycle can really make for a terrible day. Try to think of what you have and not what you don’t. Focus on what you have going on and what is in store for you.

No, maybe you don’t get to PCS right now like the family down the street but your time will come, and until then work on trying to bloom where you are currently stationed. That can make all the difference in your mood.

Be Flexible

One of the biggest reasons someone might have a bad day is because things didn’t go as planned. If you can be flexible about your desires, you have a better chance of letting them go. Think about all of your options and go from there. Remember that your first choice might not even be the best choice and there could be better things ahead.

Bad days are the worst. Not being able to share them with your spouse when they are gone can make them even more so. Try to do what you can to get yourself out of your funk. It will be worth it and you will feel much better about whatever problem you are dealing with.

If you do find yourself with too many sad days in a row, or that you can’t get away from them, make sure to seek help. Military One Source has some good resources to help.

What do YOU do to feel better when you having a bad day???