Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

20 Years of War

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20 years of war

The very last of American troops left Afghanistan yesterday. Just about two weeks before the 20th anniversary of 9/11. 20 years. Why can’t I wrap my mind around that?

20 years is a lifetime for some. 20 years ago, social media wasn’t something we knew anything about. 20 years ago, we had cell phones that made phone calls and that’s about it. 20 years ago, I was a college student, who has just met the love of my life, a veteran who had served in the Army in the 90s.

As the first troops left for Afghanistan, we, the American people had no idea what that would look like. We knew it had to be done. America was attacked. America was in pain. America was grieving.

As those first troops left for Afghanistan, did they know that the babies they left at home would be old enough to fight the same fight, years into the future? Did they know that this was just the beginning of a long time of war? A long time of wishing for peace and not finding it?

My husband has been deployed to Afghanistan twice. I have a video of my young son trying to pronounce where he was. That has been replaying in my brain a lot the last few weeks. Afghanistan, the place the soldiers go. Back then, it was a deployment. It was where he was sent. When the military calls, you go.

As we heard the news last week about the 13 members of the military who were lost in the last days of our time over there, I think back to the past 20 years and all we have lost.

We have lost so many men and women to this fight. So many families will never be together again. So many hurting people.

I wish we could wave a magic wand and never have to deploy any other troops. I wish that another military family would never have to experience that knock or even a call about an injured love one. I wish the terrorism and the hate would go away, and we could live our lives free of all of it.

But I know better. I know that will never be the case. I know that as long as my husband serves in the military, he could be deployed again. To somewhere else.

And America will always have our military. Ready to defend and support. Ready to deploy, to somewhere in the world.

None of us know what the future will bring. Ask the military spouse whose husband joined the military in 2000. They had no idea how things would change for them in the course of just a year or two.

Ask the military spouse who thought she was marrying a civilian. Who is now helping her spouse pack for their first deployment.

Ask the military spouse who assumed she would have her children and raise them down the street from grandma and grandpa, who is now raising them in Japan, or Germany, or in a US city far from home.

When our service member joins the military, or when we marry them, joining them in their military world, we have to understand that they have a sense of duty. And that can be such a hard thing to come to terms with.

They have a duty to go and to serve, or they never would have enlisted in the first place. They have a duty to go, even when we need them back at home. They have a duty to America that sometimes has to come first.

We have to stand by them as they go places we might not think they should go. We have to have their back when they come home and have a hard time processing everything. We are the ones holding everything together as they make their way through the ranks, fighting for our freedom in different types of ways.

After so many years of being a military wife, I can’t imagine what our life would be like without the military in it. The military has formed who we have become as a couple, and as a family. The military has determined what my husband would be around for and what he would miss.

As I watch the children of some of the soldiers I know put on the uniform too, I pray that their time in service is a bit easier. I pray that they will get more breaks to be with family and that the road isn’t so hard. I pray that we have learned from the last 20 years, and know when we are pushing these young men and women too hard.

20 years of war is a heavy thing to come to terms with. 20 years is a long time. Our world has changed so much in that time, for the good and for the bad.

20 years of sending our men and women in uniform.

20 years of wondering if our spouse will be home.

20 years of wondering when they will have to go back again after this deployment is over.

20 years of sending a soldier back overseas after just two weeks at home with his family.

20 years of really hoping that we have done what we could to help stop the spread of terrorism in our world.

20 years of children missing a mom or dad.

20 years of homecomings with welcome home hugs, and kisses, and proposals.

20 years of war.

What will the next 20 years look like?

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Holly. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

I find that the hardest part of my husband being gone is always right at the beginning and then at the end. I always feel “lost” for a few days, adjusting to our new normal without him, and then I feel so stressed at the end getting ready for him to come home and trying to make sure everything is just right. This post tackles my tips for those first few days away…

Make Time for You

I know what you’re thinking, “don’t worry, he’s gone, I have tons of time for myself”, but really, on the first night alone, take some time for yourself and enjoy it. I always pour a bubble bath, grab a good book, and watch a chick flick on Netflix.

I love stretching out in the bed and controlling the remote (which usually never happens). Also, think about using this time to better yourself. Eat healthy, make time for the gym, and read that new self-help book you’ve been too busy to open. Not only will this help you pass the time, but you’ll make some positive changes that you can continue once he returns.

Spend Time with Friends

After you’ve had enough “me time”, search out your besties and find something fun to do. Sometimes that’s going out for a girl’s night, hitting up a concert, or even just grilling on the deck. Spend some time with the girls and build up those relationships.

Struggling to make friends in a new place? Try visiting with moms at school, daycare, or sporting events. Visit with other ladies at the gym or search out new friends at work. This is a great time to hang out with new people and check in on those you haven’t been able to visit with for a while.

Make Special Time with Your Children

One of the small blessings of my husband being gone is how close my son and I are. We spend lots of time together, just the two of us, and we have a great relationship. We try and do fun activities together and make new memories, even when my husband can’t be there to enjoy them with us.

I’ve found myself getting braver as he gets older too. We go camping together, weekend trips, and we’ve even ventured on a few road trips, just the two of us.

Whether this is the first time he has left or the tenth, these three tips seem to help get us through whatever military life throws at us. I figure you can look at their absence as an awful burden or as an opportunity to gain insight into yourself and build relationships; the latter makes for a much happier you and therefore a much happier military family in the trips to come.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Oh, Afghanistan…

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Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Embrace the Suck: Advice to a MilSpouse Going Through Your First Deployment.

I just spend 3 hours on the phone with a spouse friend discussing spouses going through their first deployment. She’s a seasoned spouse who has been through her own trials and tribulations with deployments. I am a spouse going through my first deployment.

The more we talked the more I realized how different all her experiences are from my first. I guess the bottom line is it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or you’re tenth deployment. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 6-month deployment or a year deployment. It all sucks. So, the question is how to embrace the suck of a deployment.

I use the saying embrace the suck a lot when talking about my deployment experience. It’s become my deployment motto. It sounds harsh but it’s true.

When you are dealing with a deployment you must embrace the suck. We don’t like it. We don’t want to do it. It’s hard.

But there is nothing we can do about it. The truth is….it sucks, and we must rise to the occasion and survive it. So…. embrace the suck.

There is a lot of negative feelings surrounding the word deployment. When I married the military, I never heard one good thing that involved a deployment. It’s either terrible or sad.

The only good thing I can remember seeing or hearing is the welcome home videos online. Those are like Hallmark movies and always hit you in the feel-goods. Doesn’t matter how tough you are, watch one of those videos and you will cry! Outside of the welcome home, there isn’t a lot of good being said about a deployment.

So…. I’m going to share my suck and the positives of my first deployment. Here’s my advice for spouses going through their first deployment. Are you ready?!?!?

Pre-deployment is terrible. 

There will be fighting. You will not see eye to eye on anything. You as a spouse will want to cherish everything you do together or as a family. You will want to cling to him, hug him, kiss him and you will cry a lot. 

He will not. He is preparing to leave you. Most service members take this time to emotionally separate from their spouses. 

Do not take this personally. They are packing bags and getting ready to do one of the hardest things they have to do……leave their families. It’s not easy for them to walk away but it’s their duty. Understand that it’s mission first and their way of dealing with being away from you at this point.

Once they leave, they will call home and sound super happy and excited. 

You will not be being happy or excited. You will still be sad and adjusting to your empty house, your new single parent responsibilities, or an empty house. 

They will be living their best life. I know this is hard to understand but that’s a good thing. You want them to be happy. You want them to be excited. 

I once told a spouse who was frustrated with this. It’s so much better to hear your deployed spouse is living their best life than them calling you miserable. If they call you miserable, that’s when you understand you cannot help them.

It will break your heart; you will feel completely helpless and, in all honesty, there is nothing you can do for them. So, when your spouse calls home telling you how amazing it that’s a good thing. Even when life isn’t that great for you now.

I will say I am not one of those spouses who will tell you to hide your emotions from your deployed spouse.

I know there are a lot of spouses out there that will tell you not to tell your service member the bad stuff going on at home. You’re supposed to tell them it’s all rainbows, sunshine, and glitter. You’re not supposed to cry. 

However, I am one of those spouses that will tell you to openly communicate with your service member. Your service member needs to know how you are feeling, that you miss them, that it’s been a hard day and that Murphy moved into your home.

I’m not saying blow the phone up but don’t emotionally shut down. Your service member still needs to know things just like when they are having a hard time, they will need you.

Murphy will move into your home. 

Murphy’s law says if it will go wrong it will. Murphy will be like the boyfriend you can’t break up with. Stuff you never imaged would happen will happen.

You will have to watch YouTube videos and learn to do all kinds of stuff you never dreamed you would do. Keep in mind this is a good thing and brag to your service member. After all, not every spouse can fix a hot water heater! FYI lawn mowers need oil. Not sure who needs to hear this, but they do!

Your service member will have hard days. 

There will be days when something happens, and they need you. You need to be able to give them a pep talk.

Love them from a distance and be supportive. Even when you are having a bad day. You need to be prepared to be there for them. Sometimes at the end of the day, they might be having a harder day than you are. Please recognize that and support them the best way you can.

Find your tribe!!! 

And I don’t mean a tribe of civilian friends. I mean a tribe of military friends. A tribe that can understand, keep your secrets, and gives you guidance. I would not be able to survive all the cray of a deployment without my tribe of military spouses. They will guide you, love one (even from afar), and being your sounding board. You cannot do a deployment without a military spouse tribe.

Prepare yourself for the phone calls, texts, and video chats to tapper off. 

There will come a time when the communication slacks off. This does not mean something is wrong. This means your service member is doing their job or enjoying some downtime. 

Try not to take it personally if you do not feel emotionally connected to your service member. They are getting into their new normal just like you are. It’s a process.

I know it’s hard, it was for me. I didn’t like my husband being so far away and not wanting to constantly talk to me. But just like you are living your new life alone they are there to do a job so they can get back home to you.

Take some time to grieve. 

It took me two months to pick up my husbands’ shoes off the living room floor or to fold the last load of his laundry. Leave it there until you are ready. When you are you will know. There is not a rule book on how to handle these kinds of things. It’s hard. Take your time. When you’re ready to pick the shoes up, you will. 

Take this time apart as a positive thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard, there will be bad days but try new things. Find new hobbies, go to school, focus on work, eat junk food in bed, and watch whatever you want on TV. Deployments do not mean it’s the end of a marriage or the world. It can be a great time for you to self-reflect and discover new things about yourself.

Remember deployment is temporary. 

I know going into a 13-month deployment it felt like it would last forever. It’s temporary. Your service member will come home. Everything you’re going through or will go through is temporary. Just keep that in the back of your mind, it will eventually end.

There will be anxiety when the end is coming.

I have not personally experienced the end of a deployment, yet. My husband is still gone right now. However, I did get to watch a homecoming of my best friend and her husband. 

Don’t worry about the perfect coming home outfit. Wear something comfortable. You really don’t know how you will react when you see your service member. 

When I saw my friend see her husband for the first time, she ran to him, threw her shoes off, and jumped in his arms. I realized I needed to wear pants and tennis shoes after watching them. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Cue the Hallmark movie theme music and tears.

Finally, remember you are a military spouse! 

You married the military. You love your service member. You are strong. You have made it through TDYs, PCS, Schools, trainings, and anything else the military world throws at you.

Some of you have had babies without your spouses, have raised babies without your spouse, faced all kinds of obstacles without your spouse and who knows what else. We can do this, and we will do this!

You will get through all the suck. You will cry, you will be lonely, you will have great days, you will have terrible days. It’s part of it but at the end of the day, YOU CAN DO IT!!! It’s what makes Military spouses special!

The best advice I can give it try to enjoy yourself. Take a vacation. Enjoy your alone time.

Spend time with friends and family. Go to school. Dive into work. Work in your yard. Crochet a blanket. Whatever it is that you have always wanted to do……do it!!!

It’s the perfect time to discover who you are. Love yourself and the time will pass. Remember embrace the suck. That’s all you can do. Embrace the suck and live your best life.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Just Another Deployment Night

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It’s another deployment night when the sun fades away, and the lights go on, and we are reminded of the distance.

They have been gone a while, too long really, and yet the days on the calendar don’t want to turn as quickly as we hope they would.

No one is coming home for dinner, no one is going to be there to help with the kids, no one will be there to snuggle with once they go to bed. Those are things that will have to wait. Wait until the deployment is over.

It’s another deployment night, a time to reflect, and figure out what we can do to better ourselves. There are fewer distractions, and time to journal, and to work on our own goals.

As military spouses, we so often have to give up a dream. Or two dreams. Or three.

But a deployment can be a time to figure what chasing our dreams during military life is really going to look like. What we can do vs what we can’t. What will work, and what do we truly want to do.

But even so, even with more time to breathe, we can feel the overwhelm that the deployment brings. We can feel the pressure of having to do all the things, for all the people. The feeling of never being able to have the energy to get our to-do list done.

It’s another deployment night, and as you look at the empty side of the bed, you can’t help but think of all the things you miss about them. Their smile. Their laugh. The way you love to do life with them.

You think about all that will happen when they come home. You worry a bit too, not sure how the transition will go. You two have been living separate lives, and they will be dealing with all the deployment brought.

Still, you think about how once they do get home, you won’t have to miss their smile anymore. They will be laughing alongside you again, and you will get back to making those memories that you hold near and dear.

As the sun goes down on another deployment night, you won’t how many more deployments or separations you might have in the future. You pray you get a big long break between this one and the next. But you know no matter how long they will be home, the time will never be long enough.

You find a new series to watch on Netflix or Hulu, hoping that diving into a new fictional world will make the nights not seem too long. And that works, until it doesn’t. But you keep on trying because you have to stay busy and you have to keep your mind going.

You grab your calendar, trying to find fun things to do. You want to stay busy, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to do anything. Still, you know staying busy is important. Time will go faster that way.

Days pass, nights pass, and you finally find yourself towards the end. 30 days to go…20, now 10. This deployment is almost over. Through all the days apart. Through the long deployment nights. The end is in sight, and all you can think is, wow, I did it. I made it through this deployment.

The deployment part of military life is never easy. Yet deployments come, whether we are ready for them or not. The best thing to do is find ways to get through a deployment, even if that is one day at a time. Take a look at my other deployment blog posts for more ideas and encouragement on getting through a deployment.

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

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Happy to have this guest post by Kassie on the day her husband left for deployment. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

What a long, long, and sad day.  

I haven’t felt this heartbroken in almost 10 years. That was his last deployment. Now we face another.

For a whole year. A whole damn year. With no visits home like before. And now with 4 kids.

I could scream. But I cry. Hard. Uncontrollable. On the floor. Hidden in my closet. Away from our kids who I am supposed to be so strong far. I can’t fake it. So I hide. 

I can’t stand to see my kids so upset. It breaks me to see our 16-year-old beauty so devastated to go through this for the 3rd time.

Our 8-year-old holds his sadness so tight inside. He only shows me watery eyes as he twists his tongue to avoid his pain.

Our 6-year-old, gosh. She asks so many questions. My answers make her sadder. And she cries more.

Our little one-year-old. The one I thought I could protect emotionally because she’s too young to understand, right? No, she understands. Going from room to room looking for “dada.” Even the dog is sad. She hasn’t moved from our bed since 5 am this morning. When he left.

I don’t have many pictures to post. I didn’t take very many….. I know, I know….. memories! Trust me, I don’t need pictures to ever remember how terribly crushed my kids were to tell their dad goodbye.

Their tear-stained faces won’t ever be forgotten. I don’t need pics to remember how foggy my mind was driving at 5 am to where we would split our hearts in half.

I didn’t need pictures to remember the chest pains I had as he got on that bus. That infamous bus. It has become my frienemy over the years. 

After we parted ways, I came home. With half a heart.

All his stuff is just there. His shirt hanging off the tub. His half-tied running shoes. His toothpaste with the cap off. His body towel is on the floor near the shower. His deodorant on his counter that I love the smell of. All that crushed me. 

It’s my 3rd rodeo. I know how this all goes. It doesn’t make it easier. I know it will get better. Just feels like my heart will literally shatter any minute. 

What a long, long and sad day.

Hey there! My name is Kassie. Superhero by day and tired by 730 at night. I’m a self-proclaimed comedian and a #BadMomOf4. We’ve been a Louisiana Army family for 20 yrs plus. My sweetheart is a Major and I’m just a major pain and our kids are majorly cute. See what I did there?? K, byeeeeeeee. https://www.facebook.com/kassie.jo.broussard

Going through a deployment? Make sure to check out my other deployment blog posts here!

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Hannah. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

You Will Never Know, Unless You Are a Military Spouse

You will never know how it feels sending the person you love the most, the person you built your life with, off to a war zone. 

You will never know the heart wrenching fears that run through our mind. 

You will never know the deep breath we take when your child asks, “Mommy, What if daddy doesn’t come home?”. 

You will never know the courage it takes to explain to your children what daddy is doing, and why it makes him a REAL hero. 

You will never know the longing we have for our spouse. Longing for their touch, and simply just their presence. 

You will never know the heartbreak of holding your crying child who misses their other parent.

You will never know what it’s like going a year without holding your spouse’s hand, giving them a kiss, or just being able to look into their eyes. 

You will never know the feeling of uncomfortable quietness while waiting for the phone call to assure you that your spouse is okay. 

You will never know how it feels hoping and praying you don’t get “that” knock on the door. All while knowing the reality of the situation- it COULD happen. 

You will never know the dreadful feeling in our stomach the night before they deploy. 

You will never know how differently we look at other couples, only reminiscing on our own memories with our deployed spouse. 

You will never know the thought of honesty that crosses our mind when someone asks us how we are doing today. 

You will never know the heartbreaking sympathy we have for our Gold Star Families. 

You will never know the warm feeling that runs through our heart, when we read or hear “God Bless America” 

You will never know how much we value time spent with our spouse. 

You will never know how hard it was to be strong. 

You will never know the ache behind our smile. 

You will never know how hard it is for us to ask for help.

You will never know how easy it is to love someone who is thousands of miles away, across the ocean. 

You will never know how you’re brought closer in your marriage than you ever were before. 

There’s something about being a military spouse that makes us all special. The hurt, the pain, and the sacrifice that we also go through. Being a military spouse is not for the weak. We are forced to reach down and find our inner strength. Not only does that make us incredibly brave, but it also makes us a little bit of a badass. 

Often times I hear people say, “I don’t know how you do it.” Or “I could never do it.” Often times I find myself sitting there, wishing I had a friend to call. A friend who actually understood what I was going through. It then hit me that none of my civilian friends would understand the struggles I go through as a military spouse. It’s not a conversation that is carried on when brought up.

Because when you are not a military spouse, there are things that you will never quite understand. Things that bond us, military spouses, together. A connection that is instantly made. A deeper feeling of understanding that no one else will ever know unless you are a military spouse. 

My name is Hannah, wife of a soldier, sweary mom of 2, running off coffee and chaos, living in Louisiana!

Saying Goodbye During Military Life is Never Easy

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Saying goodbye during military life is the norm. Saying goodbye is never easy to do. Whether you are saying goodbye to your spouse before a long deployment, a best friend who is pcsing somewhere new, or to a season of your life, that you know is about to change.

Saying Goodbye During Military Life

We say goodbye when what we really want to say is don’t go.

We say goodbye when our heart is breaking over who we are saying goodbye to.

We say goodbye and then think, maybe see you later would be a better way to leave things.

As a military spouse, we say goodbye but we also get to say hello.

We say hello to new friends in a new neighborhood.

We say hello to a new way of life, miles from where we grew up.

We say hello to adventures and new memories, to lands we have never dreamed of.

As deployment orders come, we know the goodbye is in our future. We know that are days before the goodbye are limited. And we know that the day we have to say those words is going to be difficult for us to get through.

Then the day comes. They have to go, they have no choice. The military has to come first, and this time, she is blazing in, taking our loved ones away for a period of time.

But then, after the goodbye, maybe days after, maybe weeks. We figure out how to get through. We military spouses can’t live in the goodbye, we need to find our inner strength to make it through the time apart.

As friends tell us they are leaving. As they let us know the last day they can hang out with us. As they get excited about a new home, knowing that before they get there, we will have to say goodbye.

And during that last hug, we wonder when we will meet again. Will we have that meet-up next year? Will we stay in touch like we are promising? Is this truly a goodbye or more of a see you later.

Friends come and go during our military years. Some we still talk to, on a daily basis. Others fade into our memories, bringing us back to how life used to be.

We know we will always have the chance to meet new people. Maybe in a Facebook group, or at an online event. Maybe at an FRG meeting or even the local playground. And when we do, we hope that we will never truly have to say goodbye, no matter where the military road might take us.

We know seasons change, and our kids won’t stay young forever. We have to say goodbye to the way things were and move on to the way things are today. Knowing, that someday, this season will be over too.

We change as people, as the years go by. Everything we experience in life shapes us into our present selves. Deployments, and moves and hellos, and goodbyes. As the years pass by, we learn from our mistakes and see what we can do to be better prepared in the future.

Life in our 20s is different than life in our 30s and 40s. So many goodbyes and focusing on just those would be easy to do. But as a military spouse, focusing on the hellos and the new memories we will make can help us get to a better place, even if that is hard to do sometimes.

Saying goodbye during military life is a part of the deal. We know this, and we prepare. But saying hello to new adventures, new friends, and new experiences can be how we are able to handle this military life. We take the good with the bad and make the best of what we can.