My newest post at Militaryfamily.com is up, Helping Kids Through a Deployment. Check it out 🙂
Deployment
Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting
How Going Through a Long Deployment Shaped My Parenting
When my husband deployed for the first time my oldest son was 23 months old…click here for the rest of this post 🙂
Season of Deployment
I am on my MOPS steering team this year as a table leader. This is my first year as a volunteer for MOPS and I am really looking forward to it. If you are in the Ft. Campbell area and are pregnant or have any kids 5 and under, you should come to MOPS on post 🙂 We meet every other Wednesday at the new chapel.
We are preparing for a lot more moms this year because sadly, this is going to be a big deployment year for our post. Not everyone will leave at once and most likely the last group will leave around the time the first groups get home but it is still something that is felt post wide.
I have friends who are getting ready to say goodbye to their husbands, they are working on getting all those last-minute details prepared. My husband has a possible month range but who really knows if and when he will go. Bags are being packed, wills are being taken care of an Army wives around here are making their deployment to-do lists. For some this will be there very first deployment, for others this will be # 3 or 4 or even more. It will be #4 for us when my husband leaves.
It is hard is to know that another deployment is coming and see these kind of things in the news:
7 US troops among 11 killed in helicopter crash in Afghanistan
Monthly Army suicides reach all-time high in July with 38 suspected
How can we stay calm for yet another deployment? So many of our soldiers have been through so much. Breaks don’t feel long enough.
My fellow blogger Household Diva 6 wrote an amazing post yesterday about it called War is a horrible thing! I really recommend that you read it.
This Army life…it is just really hard sometimes. It is hard to watch husbands go off to war, even if they are not your own. It is hard knowing it will be your turn soon. It is hard not knowing when he might be deployed. It is hard waiting for him to return. It is hard knowing he could be hurt or worse. It is just hard. So unbelievably hard.
If you are reading this and about to start a deployment, just know you are not alone. A lot of us have been through it and know what it is like. Do not be afraid to ask for help (which I really really struggle with) and know that people are praying for you and that deployments don’t last forever.
If you are reading this and do not have a family member in the Military, please remember to pray for our troops and their families. We need it. We really really need it.
The 10 Most Memorable Moments of Our Marriage
On August 3rd we will celebrate 10 years of marriage! 10 years! A whole decade! During the last 10 years we have done things and lived places we never thought were possible. We have been through tough and challenging times and been through some pretty awesome times. I thought it would be fun to make a list of the top 10 most memorable moments from the last 10 years! I am not going to count our wedding day since it is a given that was pretty awesome 🙂
1. Finding out we were having a baby boy! In May of 2004 we had just gotten back from a really fun trip down to San Diego and Orange County. I still remember walking out of the hospital after the ultrasound with the name of our first child. As soon as they told us it was a boy, we knew he was going to be our Daniel.
2. The births of our 3 children. Having a baby is amazing, it really is. To know that we created these 3 little boys is amazing. I have always wanted to be a Mommy and will always remember the days that a new little boy join our family.
3. The homecomings. Over the last 6.5 years Ben has been deployed three times as well as a bunch of other times he has been away for different reasons. The homecomings are always so wonderful! Just to see him again and know that he is done being away from us for a while is so nice.
4. Packing up everything and moving from California to Kentucky. In 2005 we decided it would be best to head to Kentucky because of the high cost of living in California. It was so hard to say goodbye to family and friends and I do wonder what life would be like if we had stayed but I am glad we did it. Ben quit his job, we packed up everything and drove east to our new home.
5. Our Mediterranean Cruise. This cruise was amazing and our family got to see so much! I am so glad we decided to do this. It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
6. Our trip to Catalina for our 7th anniversary. Sometimes the Army does crazy things…like giving Ben his R&R over our 7th anniversary even though he didn’t request it and it was pushed back from his original date 3 weeks earlier. We were able to get away just the two of us to Catalina Island were we went for our honeymoon. It was amazing and we had such a great time! It was so different from when we went the first time. I would like to go again sometime and take the boys. I think they would like it too.
7. Buying our first home. We bought our first home in September of last year. When we were looking at this house we just looked at each other and knew it was what we wanted. It was perfect for us and our little boys.
8. Moving to Germany. It took Daniel and I 4.5 months to get there but once we did it was amazing to think about us living there for a while. It was one of those, “Are we really living in Europe?” moments when Ben finally took me to our new apartment.
9. When Ben join the Army. When I met Ben, the Army was apart of his past. It wasn’t something we even really talked about until we had been married a few years. He didn’t join until we had been married 3.5 years. Making that decision changed the path of our lives.
10. Our 15 month deployment. This was probably the hardest period of time during our marriage. We didn’t see each other for 11 months straight as the deployment kept getting extended. I still think about how odd it is that we lived apart for so long without seeing each other. During that time our marriage looked very different because it was long distance but we made it through and became stronger because of it.
Favorite Military Homecoming Outfits
So…who has trouble coming up with the right homecoming outfit? I always do! I want to look pretty and cute but never really know the best way to do that. A lot of wives spend hours if not days searching for the perfect outfit. The secret is, it really doesn’t matter what you wear because your husband will be so happy to see you and you will be so happy to see him. However, spending the time to find the outfit passes deployment days and getting ready for the event passes the hours right before you get to go pick them up.
Here are some ideas 🙂
I also have a board on Pinterest all about this! You can visit and see some great ideas of outfits you might like. Some will be for you, others for your child. Some are very fancy and others are more casual. Go with your own style, what you will feel comfortable with and have fun with it 🙂
Too Much Deployment
I am sure by now you have heard about what happened in Afghanistan. An Army staff sergeant shot and killed 16 Afghan civilians, including nine children 🙁
There are a lot of reasons why people think this happened. Maybe he had been deployed too much, maybe he was having too many personal problems, maybe he just went crazy or maybe he just did something awful.
One of the first things I thought when I heard about this is that he probably had been deployed too much and for too long.
And he isn’t the only person to be in that position. There are a lot of Military men and women that have simply spent too much time over there. They are not given enough time at home. Not everyone can handle that although some can. What should the Military do about it?
Back in 2007, we were a part of a deployment extension. Our 9-month deployment got pushed to 12 months and then to 15. I still remember sitting with some ladies right after the news hit. We were in shock. We could not believe that our husbands were going to be deployed that long. Some friends of mine got pregnant on R&R and assumed that their husbands would be there for the birth. Not only did the husbands miss the births but they came home to 2-month-olds. My middle son was born in the middle of this deployment. Ben came home from R&R when he was 3 days old and said goodbye to him when he was about 2.5 weeks old. He didn’t see him again until he was 11 months old. I knew of other people that went over a year between R&R and homecoming. And then there is what happened up in Alaska. Some of the Soldiers had just come home, others about to leave for home and some still in Iraq. All to be told that they were to spend four more months in Iraq.
The thing about this is that even though this was in 2007 and even though Ben has been deployed two more times since then, that 15-month deployment still stings. That was just too long of a time to have a husband deployed. Too long to have him in a war zone without any break. It was hard to them, especially when they hit the year point. They should have been getting ready to go home but they still had a few more months to go.
I pray so hard that we never have to go through something like that again. When your husband joins the Military, you know they will be gone but you are still human and super long deployments just break you.
And now, it is 2012 and I think, “How did I get through that? How did I go so long without my husband?” I guess somehow you just get through things because you have to.
When I hear stories like the one up above I want to ask the Military to please make things a little easier for everyone. Please try harder to give people longer periods of time at home. Try your best to avoid sending anyone there over a year. And please, help those that are having trouble after deployments heal before they have to go back for another tour. I hope that is not asking too much.
Christmas when they are deployed
Have you ever had a Christmas without your spouse? If you have ever gone through a Christmas when they are deployed it can be very difficult and lonely.
We have done it twice. Once in 2005 (although not a deployment, he was in Germany and I was in the US waiting to join him) and once in 2008. In 2006 we got lucky since I had a baby and they sent him home on R&R over Christmas.
Here are some ideas to help make the holiday season a little less lonely during a Christmas when they are deployed:
1) Plan to visit family or have them come visit you. If you can’t be with your husband on Christmas morning, family might just be the next best thing. they can step in, keep you busy and allow you to have fun with others even if you are really missing your spouse.
2) If you can’t be with family or don’t want to be, make plans with friends. This is what we did in 2008. My parents were coming in January so it was just the boys and I for Christmas. We had our time opening gifts at home and then we got together with my friend and her kids. It made for a fun day. Lots of playtime for the kids and lots of emotional support for us moms.
3) Make a fun gift package to send to your husband. Check the dates to make sure he will get it in time. If for some reason you can’t send him something, make him something and save it for him. Even if he is going to get home in the Spring or Summer, he will still enjoy it. There are a lot of great ideas you can do for a cake package for Christmas when they are deployed.
4) Video tape the festivities. He may not be able to be there in person but at least he can see how the day went. Have the kids create a special video message for him too. Video tale opening the gifts. Being able to watch this can make your spouse feel closer to home during a Christmas when they are deployed.
5) Think about it. Think about the military life and how some years you will be apart for certain holidays but the next year you might not be. Think about the holidays you have spent together.
6) Create new traditions. Maybe you will save the stocking for later when he is home. Who cares if it is February? Have your Christmas a month early if he is leaving right before December. Don’t worry about celebrating on the actual day. As military family our lives are not normal, why do our holidays have to be?
7) Remember you are not alone. I know it is easy to think that you are the only one without your husband during Christmas but it just isn’t true. There are a lot of other spouses in your shoes. Some in the military, some are apart for other reasons. You aren’t the only one, even if it feels like it.
For more tips to get through the holidays, check out the Care.com Interview Series. Also check out the Care.com Military Families page for a lot of great resources for Military families.
Military Care Package Resource Guide
A great article from JustMilitaryLoans.com 🙂
Military Care Package Resource Guide
With 145,000 troops on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan1 there’s no doubt that many will feel the heartache of being away from family and loved ones during the holidays. Here at Just Military Loans we know the value in any type of gift, but one of the most simple and profound gifts are the kind that travel a long distance.
photo provided by Support Our Military
A Movement Starts With One Person
Katrina Pesek took the time to do this. As a proud military wife and mother, she sent a care package to her husband during his first deployment in Iraq. After sharing all the goodies with many of his Marines comrades, he told her the shocking news that there weren’t too many other servicemen who receive anything mostly because of high shipping costs.
This statement struck a chord with Katrina. She had just assumed, as most of us probably do, that all of our troops receive care packages. In reality, some troops go a 7-12 month deployment without receiving a package filled with some of the small comforts of home. This inspired Katrina to start her own grass roots care package effort called Support Our Military.
It all started in 2009 when she sent extra care packages to her husband which he would distribute to fellow Marines. She continued to do this while she also balanced a full-time job, a household, and family. Over the years, with the help of her community, she has managed to send out 328 care packages to troops overseas. Like her husband always says, “one care package means more to any deployed service man or woman, than none”.
While she never expects a response, she has received several thank you notes and e-mails from her deployed adoptees. Here is an excerpt from a note she received from a Marine stationed in Iraq:
“We live on a remote outpost 4+ hours from the nearest civilization so we have no way of buying anything and we depend heavily on mail like yours. Which comes 2-3 times a month. In a war that doesn’t gain much public support in the U.S., it means a lot that we still get so much love from folks like you and all. You really have no idea how much of an impact you make on these Marines. You really help the time pass by and make our deployment easier.”
What’s In A Box
Like this grateful Marine stated it’s hard to get additional supplies. Surprisingly, baby wipes are at the top of the list for most needed items. Not all of our deployed have the luxury of a bathroom or running water so baby wipes are sometimes the only means of a bath. Also, foods like cookies, snacks, canned tuna and even hot sauce are highly sought after items as they help break the MRE (meals ready to eat) cycle and offer a small reminder of home. Click here to find the full list of Care Package Wish List.
How You Can Help
This holiday season Katrina is working on sending a little holiday cheer to our deployed with some special holiday care packages. She plans on raising funds through auctions and the sale of designer jewelry and handbags by Gorjana in order to send out as many holiday care packages as she can.
There are many ways you can get involved: run donation drives at your place of employment, local church or school, or within your community. If you’d like to be a part of Support Our Military’s care package effort, they are always accepting donations of wish list items or homemade items. Monetary donations are always graciously accepted as each package costs $12.95 to ship. Visit their website for more information: Support Our Military.