When I found out I was pregnant, it was not the picture-perfect moment my husband and I had envisioned. There was an image in our minds of an orchestrated and planned reveal. At the very least, we thought we would find out together. But when I took a pregnancy test on a whim a couple of months after we got married, our whole lives changed. We were overjoyed to be parents, but I was also filled with anxiety about what that would look like thousands of miles from home.
I was symptom-free, but I had a sneaking anxiety in the back of my mind that only a test could quiet. I fully expected it to be as negative as it had been the month before, so I didn’t wait for my husband to come home from work.
However, instead of the strong, single line that I expected, there was a noticeable second staring back at me. It was the middle of the night on the East Coast, but I immediately video called my mom, holding the test up to the screen. Was I seeing this right? Was that a second line? Even though she was half asleep, she confirmed, yes, I was reading that right. That’s a second line; you’re pregnant.
I immediately called my husband in tears, overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. When I told him I had just taken a pregnancy test, he promised he would drive back as soon as he could. I found a digital test that gave me my answer in no uncertain terms. I was going to be a mom, and my lifelong dream of starting my own family was coming true.
I was so happy and had been wanting to be a mom for as long as I could remember. However, I was also so nervous about this pregnancy. Being on a small, relatively remote island means that mothers and babies can be sent to Japan or Hawaii for more intensive and specialized care. I was worried about something going wrong and needing to fly for hours to get the resources my baby or I would need.
My mom had been hospitalized and suffered from severe morning sickness with both of her pregnancies, and I worried I would face similar challenges without my support systems. In this moment of massive change, I ached with homesickness for my mom and all that was familiar. I was on the literal other side of the world, and while I had made peace with that fact, this massive change rocked my confidence.
When I went in for my first appointment, I was immediately struck by the reality of our projected summer move, which was less than a year away. Sure, there was the to-do list of setting up a nursery that would need to be packed away almost as soon as it was put to use, but there was also the pressure to get our baby a passport as soon as possible to prepare for an overseas move. I was lucky, though, to have my husband with me at every appointment. His calm and confidence were so needed to steady my bundle of nerves before and during those early appointments.
I waited with dread and anxious anticipation for the debilitating morning sickness to arrive, but to my great relief, I was spared from that painful fate. I was nauseous throughout the first trimester, so while I normally enjoyed grocery shopping and cooking dinner, my husband and I had a steady diet of beige colored foods.
Baked potatoes, crackers, cereal, and toast became my best friends, and while I didn’t always feel my best, I still managed to work part-time and get some errands done. I waited with bated breath for the worst-case scenarios of bed rest and hospitalization, but they never came. I wasn’t feeling like myself, but I was managing. I could sigh with a little relief as I inched closer and closer to the second trimester and things continued to progress without concern.
The scariest moment for me was when I caught the flu at the beginning of my second trimester. I went from feeling fine to having full body aches like I’ve never experienced in my life. Even lying on the bed was painful, but that was all I could manage. My husband came home as early as he could in the evenings, but I spent hours alone, wishing we weren’t such a long and expensive plane ride away from home. While the two weeks of sickness and recovery felt endless, they passed, and our baby was just as healthy as before. I faced down my fears and came out the other side tired but stronger than before.
In the months that followed, we were able to travel to Saipan, Kyoto, Tokyo, Virginia, and Florida as a couple, and I was able to make a trip to Virginia on my own as well. We had the good fortune of seeing both of our families, and spending time traveling with my husband did me a world of good. With his busy schedule and my transition to part-time and freelance work, it’s been easy to feel lonely, anxious, and unmotivated, but getting to explore new and familiar cities with our favorite people reinvigorated me every time.
I worried before every trip about the plane ride and the possibility of something going wrong, but every time, none of my worst fears proved themselves to be true. I began to believe with real confidence that everything was going to be okay. In fact, it was better than okay. Things were genuinely going well.
My mom hosted a virtual baby shower for me, and both of our families logged onto Zoom to offer their support. We’ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of our family and friends in the States and our newfound community here in Guam. My husband’s coworkers have been incredibly generous in passing down baby items that their own children have outgrown, and our families and friends have helped to purchase the essentials. Our hallway quickly filled with Amazon deliveries and handmade blankets accompanied by words of love and support. We may not be physically nearby, but we are never far from their hearts.
We found out that our PCS will be moved to the fall, and having at least two unexpected extra months before our next overseas move has given me infinitely less stress and infinitely more confidence. Traveling with a 5-month-old instead of a 3-month-old doesn’t sound like a big difference, but it means the world when you’re scrambling to get a Social Security card, passport, a reasonable amount of sleep, and enough visits to the pediatrician to assure yourself that a plane ride to another country is a good idea. Again, the things I most feared seemed to be less scary in the light of day. Life, with all of its complexities and curveballs, has a way of working itself out, even when we doubt it will.
With every obstacle I feared or faced, it felt as though a guardian angel had been watching over our baby girl and us. My anxieties have been assuaged as each day passes without catastrophe, and while there’s been bumps in the road, homesickness, and the discomforts that come with pregnancy, there’s been such a growing excitement and peace as the due date creeps ever closer.
Giving birth overseas was not something I had planned for, and while my heart aches that we’ll be crossing milestones so far from our family, I know we have so much to look forward to when we get to visit (and eventually move back to) the States. While military marriages are filled with unexpected obstacles and unique challenges, life has a way of offering us support and strength when we need it the most.
Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/
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