Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

What to Think About Before You Marry a Service Member

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What to Think About Before You Marry a Service Member

Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted your future to include the military.

So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines?

What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?

Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:

Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life

No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future.

This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. And it is not an easy thing to do.

You Will Have To Be Away From Home

If your spouse is going to be going Active duty military, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from.

However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world, or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.

The Kid Thing

Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth, and the 1st year.

They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that?

Here is a secret. You might think you can’t handle that, but…you might be surprised what you can do when you love a member of the military.

I thought I couldn’t do that part of military life, not at first. In the end, I have been able to get through it, and at some points, it was even harder than I thought. But in the end, I just do what I have to do.

Some military couples don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. But that also depends on how long they want to stay in and when the couple wants to start their family.

Solo parenting is quite challenging, but you will find that you are not alone when you have to do it. So many military spouses will be solo parenting with you, which makes things a bit easier.

The “D” Word

Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy off and on for years.

There is no way to sugar coat a deployment. They are rough, from the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments, there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time.

The Community

I have talked about the difficult parts of military life. The parts that make it hard to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life?

As hard as this life gets, you won’t be alone in going through your challenges. There is an amazing military community out there. Many other spouses have gone through what you are going through.

Other military spouses get this life and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing, and even retirement.

Is It Worth It?

Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that.

Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t.

I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, and that walking away from them is not an option, you can find ways to make it as a military spouse.

So many of us are doing it right now, taking military life one day at a time. And we are here to support you in your own military spouse journey.

What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?

What Military Spouses Want Their Friends to Know

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What Military Spouses Want Their Friends to Know

I saw them every day. I went to school with them. Military kids.

I remember driving on base to pick up a friend. I think the gate guards had to call her house to get their okay to let us in. This was pre-9/11 of course.

I remember hearing about how my friend’s dad always had to be away. I didn’t understand what that would be like. My dad was always home.

I remember my co-worker, sending letters to her military husband she had married over leave. How did she do that? How did she have a husband who lived half a world away? I remember her, “Half my heart is in Afghanistan” sticker on her car.

I was complaining to my mom about having to move yet again in my college years. She told me to think of all those military wives that had to pack up their children and keep moving every few years.

And then, in 2005…I became a part of this world. This military lifestyle that I had only seen glimpses of in my civilian years. A life that I didn’t even really know much about, even if I had seen a few Mel Gibson war movies. A life that has surprised me in many different ways.

Now I am on the other side. Later this year I will hit 15 years as a military spouse. There are so many things I want my non-military spouse friends to know. I want them to understand how things can be for us and what living as a military spouse is all about.

We know we are not the only ones who miss our spouses

As much as we miss our spouses, as much as how that part of military life is hard for us, we are aware that other spouses go through separations too. We know about truck drivers and police officers and firefighters and surgeons and contractors.

We know we are not the only ones missing the ones that we love. We might not be in a good place to hear about how badly someone is missing a spouse who is only gone for a week but even then, we can understand that when you are not used to being apart, it can be difficult. Talking about our military life struggles doesn’t mean we think we are the only ones going through this type of hardship.

Some of us do remember are pre-military spouse years

Unless you became a military spouse the day you got married, you will have lived as a civilian before military life started. You remember what it is like. You can compare the before and after.

People have said that military spouse life is the same as any other. I call BS on this. I remember what it was like before the Army.

These days, my life looks different than it did pre-Army, but also different than it did when my husband was active duty. There is a big difference between the two. It isn’t that one type of life is better than any other, but they are different, and saying they are the same does a disservice to both types of lifestyles.

Our marriages are not doomed

It’s way too easy to look at the hardships that military families go through and think that all of our marriages are doomed. This is not true. Sometimes the hardships make for stronger marriages.

Sometimes life outside the military is a reason couples break up. Sometimes people change. Sometimes this is because of the military.

We get jealous

It’s true. I am not going to lie. I have been jealous of non-military families. Of not having to send anyone to war. Of not having friends move away all the time.

I think this is natural. It’s what you do with your jealousy that matters. I can choose to be bitter about it, or I can try to work through it and not let it run my life.

Army wives is not reality

So many people ask if Army Wives the tv show is just like our life. No. It’s a TV show.

There are some truths to the show. There are some realities they got right but for the most part, especially after the first season, things do not seem like real life to me.

We are a diverse bunch

There are so many diverse military families and so many types of people who make up the military world. Some are pretty conservative, some are pretty liberal. Some are from a small town, some are from a big city.

Some have a lot of children, some have no children with no plans to add any in the future. The military world is such a mix of different people. There is not just one way to be a military spouse.

We will miss this life when it is over, even if we couldn’t wait to be civilians again

When it comes to getting out of the military, some of us are really excited about that. However, that doesn’t mean getting out is going to be easy.

We will miss parts of military life. We will sometimes wish we never had to leave. The post ETSing process can be very emotional.

We know you can’t fully understand and that is okay

We know that no matter how many times we explain about our lives, how many blog posts we write, you will never fully understand. And that is okay.

We can’t expect you to, just like we can’t totally understand any of the struggles you are going through that we haven’t experienced. That is life. And that’s okay.

We are thankful

When we know our civilian friends support us, we are thankful. We are thankful for any messages they give. We know they are looking at our lives from the outside but we are so thankful when we know people care and acknowledge what we are going through.

Even if we do get frustrated by certain comments, we know deep down they come from a place of thankfulness and we really appreciate that.

What would you add to this list? What do you want your civilian friends to know about military life?

9 Reasons Why This Lockdown is Like a Deployment

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9 Reasons Why This Lockdown is Like a Deployment

So we are all pretty much on lockdown, except for essential activities. And things at home are going okay overall I suppose. In some ways, this time at home reminds me of deployments. It takes me back to previous years, when I had young kids, and my husband was way too many miles overseas serving our country.

Here are 9 reasons why this lockdown feels like a deployment:

1) We don’t really know when it is going to end

Sure, some people are telling us this will be over by summer, but we don’t really know. And we never really know when a deployment will end either. You might have a date, but that could always change, just like when this lockdown business is going to be over.

2) Binge all the things!

I swear, binge-watching was created for deployments. It is one of the best ways to get through those lonely nights. And during this lockdown, we have been doing a lot of binge-watching too, from Ozark to older episodes of the Office.

3) Cereal for dinner

I am not a big fan of cooking, so if you are, you probably can’t relate to this. But, not being able to go out to dinner means having to cook even more. And cereal for dinner might not be a bad choice to break up the monotony of cooking every single night.

4) Have to keep the kids busy

Staying busy is key during a deployment, and also during a lockdown. What’s hard is not being able to take them out anywhere, not even your local park. You have to find ways to keep them busy at home, which isn’t always easy.

5) STRESS to the max!

Deployments cause so much stress, and so does a lockdown. Yikes! Somedays I just want to cry about it all, others, not as much. It’s so important to try to find ways to destress both during a deployment and during this time.

6) Not everyone deals with it the same way

Since we are all different people, we might all handle deployments in different ways. Some of us struggle with being lonely more than others. And it is the same way right now. I know for myself, I even handle each day differently. It is important to have grace for one another, during deployments or a lockdown.

7) The days blend together

What day is it? Oh ya, Friday? April the what??? It can be hard when you are staying home with your little ones and don’t have a spouse with the weekends off. Each day kinda blends into the other. And during the lockdown, you could be experiencing the same thing.

8) You are trying to make memories through it all

Deployments, and lockdown can be a good time to work on making memories together. For a deployment, you want to share with your spouse that you are still having a good time. You don’t want life to just be put on pause while they are gone.

During a lockdown, it might be fun to look back at what you did during this time. Maybe you and your kids take a special walk each day, or maybe you have started working on a scrapbook together. Journal, take photos, and someday you can tell your grandchildren about this whole lockdown experience.

9) It won’t last forever

Just like deployments don’t last forever, either will the lockdown. We don’t know when it will be over but eventually it will be. Eventually life will return to normal, and we can move on. Just like we can from a deployment.

How have you been staying busy during this time???

How to Be More Productive When You Work From Home

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How to Be More Productive When You Work From Home

Can you wear yoga pants and still be productive when you work from home? Maybe!!!

I have been working from home since 2004, with the exception of the years we were in Germany. I have done quite a few different things from home, from operating an eBay store to freelance writing. These days, I work full-time from home. I have deadlines and things I have to do each day.

There have been times when I have been working from home when I had more flexibility as I was trying to figure out ways to make money online and to build up my income. There have been times when I had very little kids at home and had to work around them, and their needs. Such is the life of a work at home mom.

I have learned a lot from my years working from home. I have made plenty of mistakes. And I feel like I have found some ways I can be productive while working from home. And while working from home when my kids are home is more of a challenge, I am trying to stick to my working from home plan as much as possible.

Here are some tips on being more productive when you working from home:

1) Make lists

You are going to need to stay organized. For me, that is making a lot of lists. I try to make a list every night of what I have to do the next day, breaking it down between my different jobs. I have to see it in writing, otherwise, I start to get a bit panicked about what I might have to do. Writing it all down keeps me grounded and lets me know that I can, in fact, get my to-list done.

2) Watch your time

Time is an interesting thing. When I have nothing to do at home, time can drag. It’s only 2:30? Wasn’t it 2:15 HOURS ago? But when I am in work mode, time seems to fly by, which is both good and bad.

I love having a job where the time goes by fast but that also means I really need to be on top of my time. When I start my workday matters when I plan to quit for the day matters. And I need to be careful I don’t waste time during my work hours. Another reason a list is such a good idea.

3) Wear what YOU need for success

You know how people say you need to put on “real clothes” even if you work from home? Well, I only sorta believe that is true. You have to dress for what YOU need for success.

For some, that means dressing just like you did for the office, for others, yoga pants and pjs work just as well. I know for me, I have to get up, take a shower and put on clean clothes. But I love my yoga pants and wear them often.

I don’t usually do my makeup if I am not going anywhere, but sometimes I do. But figure out what works for you and your work day. What things do you have to do each morning to get into work mode?

4) Connect with others

Connecting with others is a must if you are working from home. Right now, while we all have to be at home, we can’t go out and meet people for lunch or coffee. But, when life goes back to normal, I suggest making plans to do so on a regular basis.

It’s hard to be working without co-workers, but being able to see other people during the week will help with that. Sometimes I can get pretty lonely when I am in my home working during the day. It is so nice to have a little break.

While we all have to be at home, it is important to still connect with others. From video chats, to text messaging, those ways of connecting will help you feel a little less lonely. I find that I need to reach out to my people during the day, even if it is sharing a meme or for a quick chat.

5) Save the big chores for off-work hours

This is something I have played around with a lot. Do I work for two hours and then work on a house project? Should I take cleaning breaks? What about throwing in a load of laundry during the day?

I think what works best for me is to save any big chores for off-work hours, evenings and weekends. I might do a load of dishes, or fold some laundry but other than that I try not to do too much around the house while I am in the middle of my work day.

I want to be in work mode and it is hard to stay that way when I have to take some time for big chores. Again, you have to do what works for you and your schedule.

6) Have work boundaries

This can be SO hard if you are working for yourself. You can literally always be “on” with checking social media or doing other business tasks. However, it is a good idea to have work boundaries.

Don’t take calls after a certain hour, only check your work email before dinner, or figure out other ways to get some of your non-work time back.

When you work from home it is very hard to create good boundaries between work and home. My office is in my living room, so it can be hard sometimes to keep things separate. It’s like I work in my home and my home is at work.

I try not to open my laptop on the weekends if I can help it. That way, I can truly enjoy my time off. I can relax a bit and take time for me and my family, creating a more work/life balance.

7) Take breaks

One of the things I am working on is taking an actual lunch break during my work at home day. Getting off my computer, and eating away from it. It’s hard though.

I think taking breaks is key. I also try to take a break to go work out or take a long walk. When my kids are home, I have to take a lot of kid breaks, but when they are off at school, breaks are still important.

If I was working at an actual office, I would be taking regular breaks. Just because I work from home doesn’t mean I should ignore taking them. Breaks can help you be more productive and make for a healthier work environment.

What do you do from home?

15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

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15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

Deployments, PCSing, pandemics, missing friends, missing loved ones, feeling homesick, and dealing with the day to day life can be a bit much some times. We are all only human after all. I love that reading other people’s words can help us through difficult times, at least in some small way.

Wise words from others who have been through difficult times. Wise words from others who get it. Wise words that we can take with us in the future, through other difficult times.

Here are 15 of them that might just help you through whatever it is you are dealing with, whether it is trying to homeschooling your children when you never signed up for that, or waiting for an extended deployment to be over.

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.” – Dr. Seuss

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin to Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”- Dale Carnegie

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”- Haruki Murakami

“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path, and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” – Author Unknown

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”- Vivian Greene

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We are all dealing with a challenge of some kind. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”- Karen Salmansohn

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

“Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” – Maya Angelou

What are your favorite quotes for going through difficult times???

Enter to Win the Sleep Well, MilKid Sweepstakes

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Enter to Win the Sleep Well, MilKid Sweepstakes

This post is sponsored by Blue Star Families!

Sleep is so important, especially during times of stress like a deployment. If you have ever been a solo parent, you know how important that bedtime is. And once you put your kids to bed, you really want them to sleep the rest of the night. That way you can get your rest in too.

Unfortunately, things don’t always go so smoothly and kids might have trouble falling and staying asleep. Us spouses and even our service members might too. And that can make for a more difficult day.

According to the 2019 Blue Star Families Military Family Lifestyle Survey, more than a third of military families reported that they are not getting the sleep they need to function effectively. One-third of military families also said that their child had experienced sleep issues as a result of their parent’s deployment, and over half of military families said their child experienced anxiety, worry, and/or sleep problems as a result of a deployment.

Enter to Win the Sleep Well, MilKid Sweepstakes

Sleep is a big deal, and that’s why Blue Star Families and Sleep Number have teamed up for the Month of the Military Child to support and strengthen military families via their #SleepWellMilKid sweepstakes.

What will you child win?

Your MilKid can win a Sleep Well Kit! Here’s what they’ll get:

  • Sleep Number® Kids Pillow, Twin Protection Pad, Twin Sheets, and Twin Blanket
  • ZZZ Bear Bundle
  • Sesame Street MilKid Transition Activity Book
  • Subscription to Caribu Reading App

They will select 100 lucky MilKids at random to win a Sleep Well Kit. But, to receive this cool prize, they must be nominated by YOU! Complete the form on their website, and enter your MilKid for a chance to win 🙂

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

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To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

If you are married to a member of the National Guard, you know they might get deployed. The National Guard does go on deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world, just like the active duty military does. They can also get activated or called up when the country needs them.

The National Guard will go and help after a hurricane or tornado. They assist in disaster relief and have even been activated to be at the border. But now, it looks like they are going to be needed once again, to help our country during this COVID- 19 crisis.

If you are a National Guard spouse, you either know your spouse is going to have to go or know that they could be. While other friends are getting ready to spend possibly more time with their spouse, you are on the edge of your seat wondering when and if they have to go. And when they do, what they will have to do, and how long they will be away.

So to my fellow National Guard spouses, this isn’t an easy time for us. We might not be sure what is going to happen. We are just not sure how this will all play out. And the public doesn’t always respond well when the National Guard is called up.

And the thing is, we really can’t talk to anyone who has been through this exact type of thing before. Because what is happening now, hasn’t ever happened before. The entire world is dealing with this virus and we are not sure how long any of this will last.

So what can we do? How can we stay sane through all of this? How do we handle all the emotions that come with waiting to find out what will happen with our National Guard service member?

A lot of what we can do is similar to the unknowns associated with a regular deployment. I know for me, during deployments, there were times when I had no idea when my husband would be home.

Maybe two months, maybe six? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what the future looked like or how long I would have to solo parent. I just had to take it day by day. And that is how I am going to have to go about this in these times.

I am going to need to stay busy, although how I normally stay busy is going to have to change. I can’t go meet a friend for lunch right now or take my kids to very many places. Movies are out. Chuck E Cheese is out. Playgrounds are out. We have to stay at home as much as possible which I know is going to be challenging.

If my spouse does have to go away, that will add another layer to this staying at home business. It won’t make it easier that’s for sure, but I am hoping we can find a good way to handle all this. We might have to be more creative.

We National Guard spouses will also have the fear of what our spouse is going to be doing. Will they be in contact with the virus? Will the public become afraid of them? It’s so hard to know what being activated or called up for this will entail.

I am going to try to stay away from being fearful or all the what-ifs. That’s a hard road for me to go down. I want to stay positive. But that isn’t always easy for me to do.

I also know, this might be yet another challenge for us to endure. Life isn’t always easy and as a National Guard soldier, this is a part of his job. Still, that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy to get through, no matter how long it might last.

If you are a National Guard spouse too, know that I am right there with you. This is a scary time, but at least we can help each other through. Know that no matter what happens, we are not alone and not the only ones going through this. That is so important to remember.

I thought I had this year figured out. But everything has been turned on its head. From school, to how we spend our free time, and now to what my husband is going to be doing. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” –Mary Anne Radmacher

Your 2020 Reading Guide: Where To Get Books, and 5-Star Reads to Add to Your Reading List

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5-Star Reads to Add to Your Reading List

This post does contain affiliate links!

How are you all doing with being stuck at home? Finding enough things to do? Do you have enough books?

As a big reader myself, I am hoping that I will have some extra time to read while I need to be at home. I love to read and already read as much as I can. But, now, I can do even more of it.

While you might not be able to get out to a bookstore or the library, there are options for bringing books into your home:

  • You can read from a Kindle and connect to your library to rent books virtually.
  • You can set up apps like Overdrive and Hoopla, also through your library, to listen to audiobooks free of charge.
  • You can buy from sites like Amazon, Target, or Barnes and Noble.
  • You can order online from independent bookstores.
  • You can shop for Kindle deals and markdowns on different books.
  • You can take advantage of some of the authors offering free books during this time. Colleen Hoover has done this!
  • You can sign up for the Book of the Month and be able to choose a new book once a month. I LOVE Book of the Month and would recommend it to any book lover.

As for what you should read? That depends, what are your favorite genres? Looking for ideas? Here is where you can go to find book recommendations:

I also wanted to share some of my 5-star reads for you to add to your list:

Fiction:

  • All Your Perfects by Colleen Hoover
  • Followers by Megan Angelo
  • Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid
  • Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano
  • The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James
  • American Royals by Katharine McGee
  • Regretting You by Colleen Hoover
  • She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb
  • The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer
  • Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
  • Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner
  • Park Avenue Summer by Renee Rosen
  • Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
  • The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Non-Fiction:

I think reading can be so therapeutic during any difficult time. While we are all going through this time with Coronavirus, I hope you can find time to read and work on your TBR. I know for me, reading will be one of my saving graces during this new normal.

Please share your favorite books or book resources!!!

Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

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Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

Schools are closed. Churches are closed. Disneyland is closed. Coronavirus is here and changing everything about our lives.

Is this real life? That is the question I have kept asking myself the last few days. Can all of this really be happening? What does it mean for us? What does it mean for my kids?

The truth is, we are living in a new normal, and we don’t know how long things are going to be so different. We don’t know what things will be like a few days from now, a few weeks from now, or a few months from now. And while in some ways, it can remind you a bit of military life, we are used to canceling plans after all, it still feels like we are going to be living in a new normal.

On Friday night, right before I went to bed, I saw the news coming out from the DOD. The military made some decisions that will affect service members, and their families, especially those getting ready for a PCS.

Military.com has posted, Here’s What the Coronavirus Travel Ban Means for Military Families, which is super helpful to know what is going on with the travel ban and if it affects you and your situation. Army Wife 101 also has a great post on what is changing as it refers to military families.

As I read the news, I already know how hard this was going to be on military families. Those about to leave a duty station they can’t wait to get away from, families who are temporarily separated waiting for children to finish up the school year, and those that are just unsure about what will happen the next few months.

In this new normal with Coronavirus, life is going to be strange. And we all don’t even know what living this way means. Every day means new news, and new closures, and new worries. But we just have to keep on doing what we can to stay healthy and get through this time.

So many of us will be home with our kids for who knows how long. Our local schools here are only supposed to be closed until the end of the month but I can’t see this all being over by then. I am preparing myself for them being home much longer than that.

We are supposed to be practicing social distancing, which is why so many places and events are closed or will be closing, but I know how hard that can be. Being home with small children can be a challenge, not being able to go anywhere, will be an added one. Even though I know social distancing is what we are supposed to do, getting my mind around the realities of it isn’t easy.

It is one thing to have your kids off of school. Spring break is coming up and we are used to that. It is another thing to stop playdates, trips out to places like Chucky Cheese or the bowling ally, or anywhere else where we probably shouldn’t go during this time.

I know my plan is to try to just take it day by day. I am going to try to think of positive things we can do at home, and make the best of this time together. But I am only human and I know it is going to affect me emotionally, it already has.

I work from home full-time, so while I can work from home while my kids are there, it is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. Before this week I felt like I had finally found a good groove with my work at home life and of course, all that will be different now. I need to adjust my mindset a bit.

I think too it is so important that we remember to have love and grace for others during this time. Not everyone is in the same situation, and what might seem like a minor disappointment to one, is truly hard for another to take.

Hearing that your PCS orders have changed or that you won’t see your spouse when you thought you would can be pretty upsetting. Even if you understand the reasons why. Even if you know it is for the safety of everyone.

We don’t all have the same resources, and we won’t all experience the same changes with this new normal with Coronavirus. Some will be able to work from home during this time, and others will have to go without a paycheck. Some will be able to be surrounded by family and others will be alone. Some will have extra resources, and others will have to make do with what they have.

I also think it is important to be aware of what is actually going on. You can follow the CDC’s website for a lot of good information. You should also be aware of what is happening in your state and local community. So far, a lot of what is happening is based on where you are living.

Know that even though this is scary, and even though there are so many unknowns, we are all in this together. Let’s be kind to one another, extend a lot of grace, and try to make our way through this new, hopefully, temporary normal.

When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

by

When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

It was April and my husband would be home in June. Only a couple more months to go. I sat down at my computer in my apartment in Germany and looked through all of the summer dresses. I would need to pick something out for homecoming.

I decided to look later and headed to bed, completely unaware of what the next day would bring. Completely unaware of how everything would change and how I wouldn’t need a summer homecoming dress after all.

That next day, we heard the news. The men were not coming back in June, they were being extended and this deployment would go from nine months to twelve just like that.

As military spouses, we know things change all the time. Orders change, locations change, dates change.

We know this and yet, we still hope they don’t. We still wonder if we might be the lucky ones where dates don’t change, and everything happens the way we think it should.

But the reality is, things don’t always go so smoothly during our military spouse lives. We are always having to adjust. Even if it is very hard to do so.

When I heard on the news that all military travel and moves were on hold in Italy and South Korea because of the Coronavirus, I thought about how this was going to be a delay for some military families. And while this one isn’t because of military reasons, it is still a delay.

I know there are some military families who have been counting down the days until their move. I know there are military spouses who assumed their loved one would be back in their arms this month. I know there is a lot of disappointment because of this.

And maybe you have been through this too. Maybe you have been through a deployment extension, or maybe your PCS orders got moved from May to September. Maybe you planned everything out with your kids and their schedules only to be told everything was going to change.

When your countdown gets delayed, no matter what it is for, it is hard to not get extremely frustrated by the whole thing. I know for me, I tend to go down the “what if” hole rather quickly.

What if it gets delayed again?

What if we miss doing something we had planned?

What if this happens every time we PCS or for every deployment?

Because my husband’s first deployment was extended, I had a fear it would happen each and every time. It was so difficult to let go of that. Worried that he would get extended again was always in the back of my head.

And sure, the best thing to do would be to assume the longest time possible, but that is hard to do in reality. When you have young kids, and struggling through each day, the last thing you want to do is tell yourself it is okay if this deployment also gets extended past a year.

So what should you do when your countdown gets delayed? How can you stay calm? Here is what worked for me:

1) Find friends to get through the delay with.

See if anyone else is going through the same thing. The good thing about going through the extension where we were stationed is that almost every single military spouse was going through it too. It was a pretty small post and we were able to come together to help one another through.

2) Make more plans.

Fill up that calendar. Go somewhere every day if that is possible. Staying busy is going to help you, and keep your mind off the waiting. Because that is what a delay is about. Just more waiting.

If you are not able to get out and do stuff away from home, make fun plans inside your home. Start a new hobby, teach your kids something new, or have a movie marathon. You want to avoid just sitting there being sad about your situation, time does not pass that way.

3) Don’t go down the rabbit hole

This is going to be the hardest part. I can go down this hole rather quickly and it gets me so upset. All the “what ifs” can mess with your head.

Talk things over with your spouse, try to focus on any of the good things you are going through at the moment, and no matter what the delay is, things will get moving again eventually.

4) Learn from it all.

I learned a lot from my husband’s delayed homecoming date. It wasn’t always fun, and I cried a lot of tears.

But after he got home, I was able to look back and learn from everything I went through. I was able to pull the good out of the situation and even though I wouldn’t want to go through all of that again, I was glad that I learned something from the experience.

I think sometimes that is all we can do with a stressful delay of any kind. We know they can happen, but when they do, they can really throw us off.

I hope that whatever delay you are experiencing you can find ways to make it through. That you can get through this with friends, family, and by finding creative ways to do so. You got this military spouse!

“Life is a cycle, always in motion, if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble” – Indian proverb