Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

Knott’s Berry Farm Military Discounts and More

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Knott's Berry Farm Military Discounts and More

Growing up in Southern California meant we went to amusement parks all of the time. As an adult living in Tennessee, it is so strange to me that we actually have to travel somewhere to go to one. My growing up experience was so different.

One of my favorite places, besides Disneyland, is Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park, CA. I have so many memories there. From going with my 4th-grade class on a field trip to meet up with friends to have fun on all the rides. I remember my brother riding some of the rides over and over again and having so much fun doing so!

Military Discount at Knott's Berry Farm
My brother and I, Knott’s Berry Farm, around 1985

I have been able to take my own boys a handful of times over the years and we are due for another trip sometime soon.

Did you know about Knott’s Berry Farm’s amazing deal they have going on for military service members this fall? In fact, Buena Park is honoring the military this year with not only a promotion for Knott’s Berry Farm but discounts at some of the local restaurants and other attractions nearby.

Here is what you need to know:

Knott’s Berry Farm is offering active and retired military and one guest free tickets from November 3-November 21, and December 2-December 19th, 2019. You can also bring up to 6 friends for a discounted rate. If you are stationed in California or will be visiting, make sure to take advantage of this offer!

Military Discount at Knott's Berry Farm

If you are looking for an interactive dinner show, check out Pirates Dinner Adventure, where you can get adult tickets for $35.11 or children’s tickets for $30.11 when you purchase your tickets online or over the phone using the code, “Military.” Past and present military will receive free admission with a paid adult admission on November 10th and 11th with code, “PDAVET19.”

Medieval Times is also close by and I remember visiting when I was about 7. One of the knights threw me a rose and I still remember this all these years later. You can receive a free Royalty Package update when you purchase discounted tickets on-base at the ITT/ITR/MWR office or get discounted tickets when you book online at www.medievaltimes.com/celebrate-with-us/military.html. 

Military Discount at Knott's Berry Farm
My son’s first roller coaster ride at Knott’s Berry Farm, 2009

Porto’s Bakery and Café offers a complimentary box of pastries to all active and retired armed forces with a US military ID on Veterans Day only.

Rock & Brews offers a 10% off savings on wings, barbecue, burgers, and more.

You can also find a military discount at Santa Maria BBQ, Pizza Studio, SUP Noddle Bar, The Cauldron, Buffalo Wild Wings, Fuddruckers, Chili’s, Denny’s, IHOP, Outback Steakhouse, Olive Garden, Claim Jumper, TGI Friday’s, Black Bear Diner and Dickey’s BBQ Pit in Buena Park!

Are you looking for a hotel in Buena Park?

Here is a list of participating hotels where you can find exclusive military discounts and upgrades, free parking, no resort fees and complimentary shuttle service to local attractions.

If you do visit Knott’s Berry Farm or the local area, make sure to check out Heroes Hall, which is a year-round free museum that features exhibitions, performances, and educational programs that celebrate the legacy of Orange County veterans. Also, make sure to stop by Knott’s Independence Hall, which is an exact brick-by-brick replica of the original. We always used to go over there first before we headed to Knott’s Berry Farm.

You can also find military discounts at other locations in Orange County and Long Beach. Add the Aquarium of the Pacific, Discovery Cube OC, the Richard Nixon Library, the Queen Mary, the Lyon Air Museum, and Bowers Museum to your list.

And of course, don’t forget about Disneyland and the amazing military discount they offer to service members and their families. We got to use it in 2017, and 2018!

Visit www.visitbuenapark.com/Military for a list of all the amazing offers going on during this time of year for members of the military!

With a Little Help From My Military Spouse Friends

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With a Little Help From My Military Spouse Friends

We all need our military spouse friends…

As I have walked through this military life, there have been ups and downs.

I have had good days, filled with excitement and hope. I have had bad days, where I just wanted to curl up into a ball and fall asleep until the next day. But no matter what is going on, knowing I have people who have my back has been a lifesaver.

Knowing I have friends I can talk to when the deployment doesn’t seem to want to end, allows me to figure out ways to make it through.

Knowing I have friends I can vent to about a bad deployment day, helps those days not seem so awful.

Knowing I have friends who get this life, and that we can help each other is so very valuable.

These other women, who I have been able to walk this life with have been truly amazing. I am not sure how I would have gone through everything without them. I am not sure how I could have made it to the finish line of deployments in one piece without them.

Sometimes this was meeting up weekly, just to check in after a weekend. Other times this was getting our kids together to play, so that they could have fun, and that we had another adult to talk to. Or maybe this was having someone to talk to about how hard things were getting, and working to help each other out.

I recently returned from MakeHer19, and within this group of 30 military spouses, I saw so much love and support.

I saw people helping other people, answering questions, and sharing what might help.

I saw cheerleaders, helping their new friends have the confidence to go forward with a new idea.

I saw smiles when others chose to step out of their comfort zone, knowing that they have people in their corner, ready to help them along the way.

We need a little help from our military spouse friends. We need that support. We need that support whether we are talking about the stress of a deployment, the craziness of a move, or the challenges that can come about when we are focusing on our careers.

We need people that have our backs when we can feel so alone.

We need people who either understand what we are going through or who are willing to listen to us, even if they don’t.

We need a circle of trust, of people we can depend on, and people we can return the favor to.

And man, it can be hard sometimes.

I remember sitting with a group of my close military spouse friends a few years ago. We had met up for a playdate lunch and as we sat around the table chatting, I had a thought. This is not going to last forever. Everyone will eventually PCS and the dynamic will change.

And that is excatly what happened…everyone moved away eventually and our friend circle fell apart. I still keep in touch with these ladies over the miles, but it will never be the same. And that’s just apart of the military life I have come to accept.

I also know, that there is always someone new out there. There are always new people moving to this area, and some I can connect with. This might take more time than I would like, but if I am in need of a new friend, putting myself out there will eventually result in new friendships.

In this military life, it can be easy to want to pull back and stay away from everyone. You can tell yourself that the friend search isn’t even worth the time since you will only be there for a few years.

But…

Friends can be what we need to get through the challenges of military life. Friends encourage. Friends help us stay busy when we might not otherwise know how to make time pass.

We all need a little help from military spouse friends, especially when things seem so difficult.

Here are some additional articles and resources to help you find your people:

When You Can’t Make Friends at Your Duty Station

How to Make Awesome Friends in Military Life

How to Make Friends: 3 Ways to Find Your Tribe

8 Ways to Find Your New Best Friends

Finding Friends in a Military World

Instant Friendship: A Gift From Military Life

When An Introverted Military Spouse Needs To Make Friends

Joining the Sisterhood

Don’t give up. You can find friends. That journey isn’t always going to be easy, and saying goodbye isn’t going to be fun, but being able to walk with other spouses during your time in military life is a must.

5 Tips For Being a Military Influencer On Social Media

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5 Tips For Being a Military Influencer On Social Media

This is a sponsored post for T-Mobile with Sofluential Media!

Social media can be such a fun way to connect with other people. I have been in the military spouse blogger space for almost 10 years now and I can hardly believe it. Twitter was the first place I shared my blog posts and started building my community. Soon after I started a Facebook page, and later a group. And a few years after that, Instagram became part of my social media space. 

After being a military influencer on social media for so long, I wanted to offer some tips for others who would like to do the same.

Have a plan for each platform

Whether it is Instagram or Facebook, have a plan for what you want to do and what you want to accomplish. Each platform works a little differently so make sure to keep that in mind when creating a social media plan for yourself.

Memes help 100%

Memes can help grow your following, and they are fun to make. You can use photos, and create captions or put a quote on a pretty background. A meme can go viral and boost your numbers rather quickly.

Use social media to connect with your followers

Use your accounts to connect with your followers. Respond to comments, and answer questions – a little engagement goes a long way! You can really build your community and build credibility by maintaining a conversation with the people that follow your channels.

Start with one post a day

If you are not sure how to get going, start with just one post a day and go from there. You might not even need to do more than that. Routines can be good, and scheduling out what you want to post can make social media feel a bit less overwhelming.

5 Tips For Being a Military Influencer On Social Media

Use a good phone

If you want to post regularly on social media, having the right smartphone is really the first thing you need. To capture meme-worthy content you want a phone with a good camera. The iPhone 11 features a dual-camera system with all-new Ultra Wide and Wide angle cameras that produce the highest quality video a smartphone can offer, plus major improvements in low-light photography and Portrait mode — making it even easier to capture picture-perfect social media content. Ready to upgrade your phone? Right now, T-Mobile customers can get 50% (or more) off a new iPhone – including the new iPhone 11 – via bill credits with a qualified trade-in.  

If you aren’t on T-Mobile already, consider making the switch. T-Mobile has long been a champion for the military community through employee programs — the Un-carrier was named one of the Top Military Friendly Employers by Military Friendly®  for the 12th time. And, T-Mobile’s Magenta Military plan makes it easy for military spouses to keep up with social media and family:

  • Update your social media at home or on the go with unlimited talk, text and high-speed data, plus unlimited hotspot with 3GB high-speed data per month.

Magenta Military offers military, veterans and their families one of the best prices in wireless. For one line, it’s just $55 per month with AutoPay (normally $70 on T-Mobile’s popular Magenta plan). If you need more than one line, the discount gets even better at just $25 for the second line and $10 per line for lines 3 through 6. Plus, monthly taxes and fees are included so the price you see is the price you pay.

There’s never been a better time to get in on the Magenta Military Plan and take advantage of the best iPhone deal on the market. With T-Mobile, it’s easy to up your social media game, stay in touch with family and friends and connect with others the way you want to. 

7 Ways to Celebrate Fall, in GIFs

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7 Ways to Celebrate Fall, in GIFs

Fall is just about here, although at this moment it is 96 degrees outside. Tennessee is being ridiculous this year and summer doesn’t want to go home. At the same time, leaves have started to fall, and you can tell the season is about to change.

Fall is my favorite season, even more so now that we live somewhere with four seasons. I love how the weather changes, and how colorful the leaves are in the fall. The start of autumn takes me out of summer and leads to me a cooler time of year, filled with the holidays, cozy nights, and warm drinks.

Looking for ways how to celebrate fall? Here are 7 of them, in GIFs:

Go to a pumpkin patch…take your kids, take your camera, enjoy the time on the farm and come home with a pumpkin for each of you 🙂

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Admire the leaves…check out all the colors, take a lot of photos, and share with your friends and family that don’t get to experience their amazingness where they live.

via GIPHY

Decorate your home…grab your fall decor, buy a few new items, and get going. Your house will feel like the season is here, even if it is still pretty hot outside (Tennessee, I am looking at you.)

via GIPHY

Bake! Bake! Bake! From Halloween cookies to apple pie, it’s time to bake all the yummy treats. Try a new pumpkin cookie recipe and frost some ghost cookies with your kids.

via GIPHY

Order that pumpkin latte! You know you want to. You know you can’t wait to have the first one of the season. Look, I am not a huge fan of the pumpkin latte but I always enjoy having at least one, to start off the fall season. Plus, this year, the pumpkin cold brew at Starbucks is actually pretty yummy!

via GIPHY

Carve a pumpkin with your kids, if you don’t mind the mess. Or, you can skip the carving and paint your pumpkins, which can be just as fun. Unless you want to roast your own pumpkin seeds. Then you will need to carve them.

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Light some pumpkin candles…or get your pumpkin-scented Scentsy or both! It’s the time of year for all the fall scents. They are the best, from applies to pumpkin to fall nights!

via GIPHY

Hopefully, by the time you read this, it feels like fall where you live too. I am hoping we get our fall weather any day now. So I can break out my sweaters and put my shorts back into my closet 🙂

What is your favorite part of fall???

To The Military Spouse Whose Spouse Just Left For Basic

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To The Military Spouse Whose Spouse Just Left For Basic

Maybe this was the plan. You would get married, and they would leave.

Maybe this was never the plan. You have been married for five years, and now they are going to join.

Whatever the case might be, saying goodbye to your spouse going off to basic training is a big deal, filled with so many different emotions.

You might be sad, even though this was something you wanted to do too.

You might be worried, knowing that eventually, they might have to go to war.

You might be anxious, having to be alone for the first time since you have been together.

All of these feelings are normal and expected. They come with sending a spouse or even a boyfriend or girlfriend off to join the military. This season in your life is going to feel pretty complicated, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

So, to the military spouse whose spouse just left for basic, to the military spouse whose husband just left for Fort Benning, to the military spouse whose wife just left for Fort Jackson…welcome to military life.

You, as a military spouse have started a new journey. One your friends and family might not totally understand. One you might not understand.

There will be lonely nights, but there will also be love letters.

There will be days when you can’t help but cry, but there will be days when you smile with pride when you first see your soldier in uniform.

There will be times when you question if you are cut out for this, and there will be days when you know in your heart you were.

As a new military spouse, everything can feel so overwhelming. What is DEERS? Where do you go to get your first ID? When will you see your service member again?

Know that you don’t have to know everything right away. I don’t even know everything after 14 years, and there is still so much I could learn. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, which can also be a great way to get to know other people.

Stay busy. Whether it is during basic training, AIT, or a future separation or deployment. Staying busy is going to be the key.

Make friends. Be friendly, and be open to meeting new people. Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, you are going to need friends in your new life.

If you are not near a duty station, join an online group, and then when you do get to your first duty station, make plans to get out there and get to know your new community.

Don’t be afraid to cry and let things out. Military life means you might have to do that sometimes. Military life means you might not be able to always keep it all together.

So, to the military spouse whose spouse just left for basic, try not to second guess your decision. The decision to follow the person you love through this new life. The decision to become a military spouse.

There will be times when you will step back with wonder of all you have seen and done since your spouse joined the military. There will be times when you can support other spouses because you have been through it too. There will be times when things don’t feel so new and so scary. I promise.

If you have children, military life means solo parenting and basic training might be your first taste of that. The idea of being both mom and dad, even for a few months can be completely overwhelming. You might never have had to solo parent before, not even for a weekend.

But you will find that you will figure out how to solo parent like a boss. You might have to throw out some of your ideas, you might have to change the way you do certain things, but you will figure out what works best for you and your kids.

That might be pizza nights every Friday with a neighbor and their kids. That might mean putting off potty training a few months until your spouse is back home with you. That might mean having to rely more on friends and family than you are used to.

Basic training is going to be your first experience as a military spouse. This season is going to be hard for both of you. Remember too, basic training is not the same as regular military life.

Once your spouse gets orders to their first duty station, you will be able to move there. Sometimes this can happen quickly, and other times, especially overseas, it can take more time. But once you get there and start to get settled, your life will feel a little more normal.

If they are not deployed, or away at training, they will probably go to work every day and be home at night. They should have weekends and holidays off, and sometimes even a three or four day weekend during the year. There will be family time and time to be a couple.

This will of course change if they do deploy or have to go away for training. You might also be apart before and after a PCS and CQ means 24-hour duty. Keep this in mind when they do leave for basic and you are feeling like you will never be able to see them again or that your life will never include anything normal again. That simply isn’t true.

So, to the military spouse whose spouse just left for basic…know, you got this.

However long they will be away from you, you got this.

However difficult this new military life journey may seem, you got this.

You are strong enough for this life, even if you have to take it one day a time. You are strong enough for when they are away at basic training, and any future deployment or separation. You are strong enough and you don’t have to go through this alone.

If you are just starting your military spouse journey, make sure to take a look at my blog posts on deployments, and posts on other parts of military life. You don’t have to walk this road alone.

When The Towers Fell

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When The Towers Fell

We didn’t know what that day would bring. Tuesday, September 11th, 2001, started out with clear skies and so much promise.

Kids off to school.

Mom and dad off to work.

People getting to their jobs, some running late, some arriving early.

As the morning began, we had no idea what was planned. We had no idea others wanted to hurt us. We had no idea the world was about to change.

When The Towers Fell

At 8:30 that morning, some wondered what they would have for lunch that day, or maybe if they would be late picking up the kids from school. Some may have thought about their birthday party the weekend before, or what movie they would go to see the next. A new military wife was just getting used to the new PX, and how the Commissary worked, she wasn’t thinking too much of her husband going to war.

Then at 8:45 am…that all changed as the first plane flew into the World Trade Center.

And a little after 9:00 am, we knew, this wasn’t some random accident when the second plane hit. Someone was doing this. Someone was attacking us and life would be forever changed.

At 9:45 am, a plane flew into the Pentagon. For so many of us, this was surreal. Something we had only seen in disaster movies. Something that didn’t really happen in real life.

And then the towers fell, first the south tower, then the north tower, we could not believe this was happening. We could not believe what we were watching.

As the moments went by, we were glued to our television sets. A college student, wondering what this meant for the US, for the World. A young mom, rocking her baby girl, wondering what this meant for her future. A military wife, knowing in her heart that this was the start of something that would change the military forever.

And as we waited and wondered and prayed…

As we hoped and cried and reached out...

As we listened to our leaders try to explain what was going on…

We tried to make sense of all of this. We tried to make sense of what we were watching. We tried to understand what going on but all we saw was a tragedy. One we never would have expected.

When The Towers Fell

Almost 3,000 people lost their lives that day, right here in America. The unthinkable was a reality. A new threat that we still have today. Terrorism wasn’t so front and center like it is now.

Before 9/11, we knew terrorism existed. We knew what terrorism was, but not on this level. Not right here in front of us.

In the days and weeks after 9/11, America came together in a way I had never seen before and haven’t seen since. I remember gathering at a local church, packed with people, to pay our respects, to mourn together, to not go through this alone.

We all felt like family. We were all in this together. We had to be, that was the only way we could get through it.

And now, all these years later, we still think of those who lost their lives on that day, and the days after. From the first responders to those who serve in the military.

We think of their loved ones, those who mourn on a personal level. Those who never thought that saying goodbye that morning would be the last time. And for those who never 100% knew what happened to their family members.

When The Towers Fell

We think of the gold star spouses, and family members, fighting the war on terror. We think of those who are still getting deployed, and who are still fighting for our freedom, against those who want to hurt us.

We can’t forget those who went into the rubble, to help find survivors. Those that were a caring heart in a sea of craziness. Those who worked tirelessly to help those in need.

“What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos, is our ability to mourn people we’ve never met.” – Author David Levithan

As we head into this 18th anniversary of this tragedy, I will say a prayer for those who are still missing their loved ones. For those who were shaken by what happened in a very personal way. For those who were too young to remember, but still feel the effects.

I will say a prayer for our military, those who have deployed and those who will. For their families, and those that love them. For the future and the hope that this enemy can be defeated someday.

And while the years will pass, and time will go on, I hope we never forget the spirit and the love that was shown in our time of tragedy, as our country came together, and as we tried to make sense of everything that happened on that September day. I know I never will.

7 Tips For A Brand New Military Spouse Mom

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7 Tips For A Brand New Military Spouse Mom

Did you just find out you are pregnant? A little nervous about becoming a mom? Not sure how things will go with a spouse in the military?

Here are 7 tips for a brand new military spouse mom:

Get Your Free Breast Pump

If you didn’t already know, you can get a free breast pump with your TRICARE benefit. How does this work? Each TRICARE beneficiary, no matter the type of service member your spouse is, or their rank, is able to receive one breast pump per birth event, which is a birth or adoption.

There are several companies that work with you to easily get your breast pump through TRICARE. You do need to have a prescription, and you will have to stick to their spending limits. You can also receive breast pump accessories through TRICARE. You can read more about that all here.

Figure Out Your Birth Plan

Before giving birth, you should think about how you want things to go. If you want to have a natural birth, if that is important to you at all, you need to plan for having a natural birth. There are a lot of things you can do to prepare from taking natural birth classes, to learning special labor exercises.

In addition to what type of birth you want, you need to figure out who will be with you during the birth. If your spouse is going to be deployed while you give birth, who will be with you instead? Can you ask a friend or would you rather have your mom or sister there? These are some of the things you need to plan than your civilian friends don’t have to think about.

Make Mom Friends

When you have a new baby, you are going to want to meet other moms who also have kids similar ages. There are many different ways to do so. You don’t have to start motherhood alone.

You can go to your local MOPS group, there are even some Military MOPS groups at certain duty stations. You can find a local playgroup, where you meet once a week and allow your baby to “play” while you chat with the other parents. You can also connect with other moms online, from joining a due date group to a local group with moms in your area.

Signing Up For TRICARE

You are going to want to make sure you sign your newborn up for TRICARE as soon as possible. You start by signing them up for DEERs, which stands for Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System. You have 90 days to do so if you are in the states, and 120 days if you are overseas.

After they are in DEERS, they will automatically be put into TRICARE Prime if you are in a Prime Service Area. If not, they will be put into TRICARE Select. You then have 90 days to change to a different plan if you want to.

If you are overseas, they will be automatically enrolled to TRICARE Select and you will have 90 days to change to TRICARE Overseas as long as they are Command Sponsored.

If you are a National Guard or Reserve family, you would need to sign up them for TRICARE Reserve Select if you are using that insurance. You would also need to sign them up for DEERS as active duty does.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to have their social security number when you sign them up for DEERS and can add that later after you receive it. This also applies to adopted children as well as children you are adding to your family. Please visit TRICARE for the most updated information on this as well as other details about the process.

Baby Stuff Everywhere

One of the things about having a new baby is you are going to be tempted to buy all the things. There are so many different products out there, for almost anything you can think of. Think about what you would really need and what will work best for you and your baby.

We always loved having a co-sleeper of some kind, a stroller, and a good baby carrier. Talk to your friends about the products they have loved and used. You can always wait until after they are born for many of the baby items.

Shopping second hand will save you a lot of money. When I was pregnant with my 3rd little boy, I went around on the post-wide garage sale day and found so many things I needed for super cheap. Some baby items only get used a few times and can still be in good condition. Just be careful about buying products like a crib, and car seat second hand and read up on any recalls that might have come out.

The CDC Is Your Best Friend

The CDC, Child Development Center at your duty station should offer some sort of hourly care option. Hourly care saved my life. When we were a new military family, with a young 18-month-old, I signed him up and took him several times a week.

I loved how flexible hourly care was, how he got to play with other kids, and they always seem to give us free hours during a deployment. The CDC saved me during deployments, and any other time I needed a break from my kids, even if it was just to have a few hours to myself.

I know some CDCs might have some issues. I would look into your CDC, talk to other moms, and see if using hourly care could be a good option for you. They might also have regular pre-school type programs if you want something more regular for your child.

Solo Parenting Can Be Rough

Solo parenting is going to be apart of your life if you are a military spouse. Sometimes you might be alone for a few weeks, other times, for a few months. Hopefully, you won’t have to go as long as we did during our first deployment.

Being a solo parent is all about finding what will work for you and your kids. You will have to take the days one at a time. You might also have to give up on some parenting ideals.

However, you will figure everything out. There is a lot of support out there through friends and even your military installation. You don’t have to go through all of this all by yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out, and remember, you won’t be a solo parent forever.

How long have you been a mom? What are your best tips for the new military spouse mom?

How To Stay Married When The Military Is In Charge

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How To Stay Married When The Military Is In Charge

On Saturday, my husband and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage. Our marriage is now old enough to see rated R movies without a parent 😉 Sometimes it feels like those 17 years flew by, and other times I feel as though my wedding day was a lifetime ago.

I have learned so much during the last 17 years. About my husband, about marriage, about raising kids together, and how to be a military wife.

My husband joined the Army when we had been married for about three years. Everything before that was so different. We have had our Germany years and our Fort Campbell years and are now in our National Guard years.

Our boys are getting older, one is just about three years away from being an adult himself. We have one son with Autism and have had other challenges with our kids to figure out over the last 15 years.

We have been through four deployments, and too many other times apart to count. Lately, he has been home more often than he has ever been. I am not sure how long this will last, but this time together has been so needed.

I always feel a bit funny giving marriage advice. For a while, that was because I hadn’t been married long enough. Then, I just wasn’t sure if my advice would apply to anyone who read it. I have friends whose marriages haven’t lasted, even though they went into them with that as a plan.

I know so many people that are living a completely different life than they thought they would, with a completely different person than they started out with. Life happens, and you never really know how that will change you or your spouse.

But, as I look at my upcoming anniversary, I can’t help but think about what has worked and what hasn’t. I can’t help but think about what my marriage has gone through and what challenges we have faced over the years.

I don’t claim to have the secrets about how to stay married when you are in the military. Everyone has a different story. Everyone is dealing with their own experiences.

Marriage is never easy, but I do think there are things you can do to help keep you stay married over the miles, and over the years.

Forgive Often

You are going to have to forgive each other and do so often. Whenever you live with another person, they are going to piss you off. They are going to get on your nerves sometimes, and you could find yourself holding a bit of a grudge if they wrong you in some way.

Obviously, there are exceptions. You don’t have to forgive someone who cheated on you. You don’t have to put up with abuse. But, in your day-to-day, try to forgive the little things. They usually aren’t worth holding on to.

Know Your Spouse’s Personality

This is something I feel like I didn’t quite get until the last few years. And if I had realized this earlier, things might have been a bit easier for me. I knew going in my husband is a completely different person than I am, but there is so much more to that that can affect your everyday.

The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts (this is an affiliate link) book is a good start. You can also take an Enneagram test to figure out you and your partner’s personality type as well as taking a Myers-Briggs test. These also can be good for friendships and getting along with people in general.

Knowing how your spouse works, how they feel loved, and what is important to them will help so much when certain struggles come up in your marriage. While “treat others like you want to be treated” can be good advice, it doesn’t always work 100%. Over the years I have learned more about what my husband appreciates and what he doesn’t care too much about.

One example is care packages. Some spouses love them. I know I would.

If I was deployed and my husband sent me a care package I would feel so loved. But for my husband? It is different. While he would appreciate one, receiving a care package wouldn’t be the same as it would be for me. When he is deployed, I don’t need to send him one on a regular basis, but that isn’t true for every deployed service member.

Communicate Expectations Before They Deploy

Talking about your expectations before a deployment starts is so important. Talk about how often you need to hear from them, care packages, and even how you will be spending your money during a deployment.

There are so many times when frustrating situations come up because each spouse has a different idea of how things are going to be during a deployment. While you can’t prepare for everything, communicating about deployment expectations will go a long way in helping your marriage when they are gone.

Talk Things Over

Constantly talking things over with your spouse is a must. You want to be on the same page about what you guys are going through. You don’t want to keep big things from each other.

If your children are very young and date nights are hard to come by, make use of the time after they go to bed. Cook a nice dinner, and have some conversations. You can connect this way, without even leaving your home.

If you can go on regular date nights, do so. They can make for the perfect time to talk about your lives, what is going on with both of you, and what you want for the future. Lately, my husband and have been going out a couple of times a month.

We can have some fun, kid-free time together and let each other know how things are going. Sometimes during the workweek, we are ships passing in the night, so having that time together is very important to our marriage.

If your spouse is deployed, this type of thing can be difficult, especially if it isn’t easy to communicate. Writing letters can help, as well as trying to connect when you can. Other times you might just have to make some decisions on your own and tell them about them later.

During my husband’s first deployment, we went a whole month without talking with each other. That was just the way things were, so a lot of things I had to handle all by myself. That time wasn’t easy, but can be how a deployment goes.

Don’t Get Mad At Them For Something The Military Has Done

Getting mad at your spouse because of something the military has done can be easy to do. Keep in mind, they have to go where the military tells them to go, where the military tells them to go. And they can’t always take you with them.

Your spouse will also have to make decisions based on their career. You might not totally understand why and this can be frustrating. Try to remember, they want to make the right choice, and they might have to say yes to things you don’t want them to.

When it comes to the decision to re-enlist or not, decisions can be complicated. In some cases, getting out of the military is a must, for the mental health of the spouse or other members of the family. In other cases, that isn’t going to work, and the career aspirations of your service member need to be taken into account. Talking through your expectations, worries, and your hopes for the future is always a smart idea.

What is your best advice about how to stay married when the military is in charge?

5 Things Military Spouses Can Do To Make Some Extra Money

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5 Things Military Spouses Can Do To Make Some Extra Money

One question military spouses often have is how to make some extra money. Sometimes that military paycheck just isn’t big enough, or something the spouse is in-between careers, or unable to work a full-time job.

If you ask this question in a military spouse Facebook group you are bound to get plenty of MLM/Direct Sales ideas. While these can work for some people, I don’t want to talk about those money-making opportunities in this post.

I wanted to bring up a few ideas I have either personal experience with or have friends who have used these methods to make some money. They won’t all work for everyone. For example, you will never catch me wanting to drive for Uber. Nope. I hate driving and would not be able to do that job, but I do know about freelance writing.

So, if you are looking for ways to make some extra money, here are 5 ideas that might just work for you:

Uber/Lyft

Do you like to drive? Don’t mind taking people places? If so, you might want to check out driving for Uber or Lyft. While both companies are a rideshare service, they can be a little different in how they work.

Basically, you would apply to drive for them, some drivers do both. Then, when you are approved and up and running, you would turn the app on when you wanted to work and pick up people using the service and take them where they want to go. You would need to have a reliable vehicle and keep it clean and in good shape.

Door Dash

If you don’t mind driving but don’t want to take people places, Door Dash can be a good option. You would pick up people’s food and restaurant orders and deliver them. Some orders would already be called in and you would just pick them up and others you would need to place the order yourself. Grubhub, BitSquad, and UberEats are similar companies.

Substitute Teaching

Do you have a degree? Do you love children? Always wanted to be a teacher but don’t want to do so full-time? You might consider becoming a substitute teacher.

How much you make will depend on where you live and your educational background. Check with your local school district to see what your options are. The best part is, if you have school-age children, you would work when they are in school too.

Freelance Writing

I accepted my first freelance writing job about 7 years ago and been moving forward ever since. I love the flexibility of my job. There are so many options out there too.

Want to get started with freelance writing yourself? Your first step would be to make sure you have your own blog or website to show your own work. You want people to be able to see what you have written.

You can find jobs by pitching to websites that pay writers, finding jobs through networking, or applying for jobs on websites and jobs boards such as Problogger, All Freelance Writing, or even LinkedIn Jobs.

Babysitting

So many military spouses are looking for babysitters. Some may just want someone so they can run to the Commissary by themselves during a deployment. Others might need someone more long term.

You can also look into becoming an FCC provider through your military installation. If you go this route you will be vetted and will need to comply with the regulations. Keep in mind that if you live on a military installation you will be limited in the number of hours you can babysit without becoming an FCC provider.

Have you used anything of these methods to make extra money? What has worked for you?

Your Military Spouse Journey

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Your Military Spouse Journey

You can’t believe it is happening. Your spouse joined the Army. This is going to be their career. So many people have told you how scary military life is going to be, but all you can think about is that he is finally living his dream and that you want to be there with him as he moves forward with this career change.

You wonder about what this means for you. You wonder how about your life will change. You wonder how the next few years will be.

Your spouse gets their orders, overseas, how did we get so lucky? What will living overseas really be like? Will I enjoy living there as much as I think I will?

Finally, the day arrives, you say goodbye, you are not sure how you are going to make it through these months apart. You hope you will only be apart a month or two. So many worries going through your head.

How will you solo parent your toddler? Right now that seems impossible. How will you be both mom and dad to him? When you depended on your husband for so much ever since your son was born.

And time passes, and you think you have this military thing figured out. But deep down you know there is so much ahead for you. For both of you.

And more time passes, and he is still over there in Germany and you are still in the US waiting with your young son. And you have to wait some more, Christmas comes and goes and you are still waiting. Waiting on what? Paperwork of course.

And your birthday passes, and Easter is right around the corner. You start to feel like you might never join him. And then, you hear the news, everything has been approved and it is your time to go. The paperwork has finally be done, and you are approved to actually live with your spouse again.

After all that waiting and now all of a sudden you find yourself on an airplane, headed for your future, whatever that might be. What will it be like to be a military spouse? What will it be like to go through a deployment? So many questions go through your mind.

But then, your PCS is over, you have unpacked and are trying to find your way in a new community. You are trying to figure out where you belong. You always wanted to be a SAHM, and now, here you are.

And then the deployment orders come. You knew they would. You knew that is apart of the deal. But you are not ready, how could you be? How could you truly ever be ready to send your spouse to war?

You make friends, other military spouses who get it. You know you can get through this deployment together. You know you can handle whatever comes your way.

But you are pregnant again, and he might miss the birth. They told you they will send him back, but will they? Can a family member come out to help? Can you really give birth without your husband by your side?

And they don’t send him home in time, just three days too late. But you handle it, your mom was able to be there with you, and get your through. You conquered yet another scary thing. One of many that comes with military life.

He comes home for R&R. To be with you, your toddler and your new baby. You have an amazing time. But of course, the time flies by. Why can’t the deployment do the same?

He says goodbye, he goes back to Iraq, where he has been. Only a few more months, you can do this. You have done a few months before. One last kiss, one last hug.

And then months go by, but the end isn’t in sight like you thought it would be. Extensions are happening, the Surge, this will be a longer deployment than you first thought.

He won’t be back when you thought he would be. He will miss more birthdays. He will miss more milestones. Will your boys even remember him?

But eventually, after all this waiting, he is home, in your arms. Just in time. In time for another birthday, in time for Christmas, in time to enjoy life.

You are so thankful. He made it home. Not everyone did. You know this all too well.

And so life goes on, and you enjoy your time together. You move somewhere new, your boys get a little older, and you make new friends. And now, 365 days later, you are doing this deployment thing all again.

Saying goodbye, hoping and praying he returns. Being a solo parent. Depending on friends. Taking the deployment day by day.

And so your military life journey goes. From deployment to PCS. From making friends to saying goodbye to them. To the frustrations, to the moments you never would have had if he had never joined.

You married a soldier. A man who serves. He is willing to put on the uniform, to say goodbye to everyone he loves, to put himself in harm’s way.

And all these years later, you can’t believe what you have gone through. You can only look back and remember what you have learned. Through every deployment, every time apart.

And you hope that in the future, you can be just as strong. That you can help others get through their own military journeys through your words. That you can make a difference in the world and can be there for your boys, for your husband and everything that comes your way.

This is my military spouse journey, which may be a bit different than yours. Maybe you haven’t been through a deployment yet, maybe you have never been overseas. Maybe you kick solo parenting in the butt, and maybe solo parenting is the hardest thing you have ever had to do.

When your spouse joins the military, or when you marry them if they are already in, you are crossing over to a different type of life. You will experience things you never would have otherwise, both good and bad. You will learn from what you go through, and figure out ways to help others that come after you.

As a military spouse, you are a part of history. A part of the many men and women who have come before you and who will come after you. A part of something that can sometimes be hard to describe to other people.

While wars might look different, while times will change, one thing is always true…the military spouse life is a journey. One to love at times, one to hate at times, and one to embrace, with everything you’ve got.