Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

by Leave a Comment

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

Life as a military spouse has taught me so much over the years! When I first became a military spouse, I had no idea how much this life would change me. Over the years, through deployments, moves, and everything in between, I’ve learned lessons I never expected, but ones I will carry for the rest of my life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

Life as a military spouse can be surprising

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like you’re no longer. That’s okay, though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

Life as a military spouse could look different for each person

  • How one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows that portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

During your life as a military spouse, you could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your life as a military spouse?

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

by 2 Comments

A military spouse will never understand

I have been married to a soldier for almost two decades now. When we met, he was no longer active duty and ended up re-joining the Army after we had been married three years. As much as I can stand by and support him, there are things that I will never understand. There are things that a military spouse can never understand.

I will never understand what it is like to say goodbye to my family, small children included, to put on the uniform and put myself in harm’s way.

I will never understand what it is like to go out on a mission, praying I will make it back to the FOB.

I will never understand the moments when I thought I might not make it home, and picturing how my spouse will react, and how she will tell the children.

I will never understand what it is like being home, yet feeling like I should be over there, that I have a duty to do.

A military spouse will never understand what it is like to actually be in the military

I will never understand what it is like to lose friends in battle, the same battle I was in.

As a military spouse, I can be there for my husband. I can listen to his stories, the good and the bad. I can listen to what he chooses to tell me.

But I know that he won’t tell me everything; I couldn’t even begin to understand. I know that being a soldier is something I can’t fully wrap my mind around, and I won’t try to pretend I get what it is like, because I don’t.

I can get through a deployment, and as hard as that might be, I am safe, in my home, in the United States. I don’t know what it is like to go through a deployment, in my uniform, protecting what I hold dear.

I can roll my eyes when I feel like the Army won’t make up its mind, but I also am not the one that may or may not have to say goodbye to my family for a year, depending on what the Army does decide to do in the end.

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I am not the one who misses what is going on back at home

I can be frustrated about my husband missing something, about him not being there, and not being able to get that time back but I am not the one who has to hear about the event second hand, who has to be okay with just photos and a video, and that feels the pain of what they have missed over the years.

I have never believed we should be debating who has it harder, the service member or the military spouse. Every person is different, every deployment is different. There is no way to weigh each other’s situations.

There is something a soldier goes through, something someone who has deployed has gone through, something about being in the military themselves that a military spouse won’t be able to understand.

But…

We can be a rock

We can be a rock, in an otherwise stormy life.

We can be a person our service member can always trust when it is hard to know who has their back.

We can support them, in the ways they need us to because we love them.

And when things get difficult for us, which they will, we can find ways to make it through, so that we can be there for them, through everything military life brings.

Some military spouses have served in the military, or maybe still do. There are many veterans out there who are now married to a service member themselves and have seen both sides. Some of my closest friends that I have made during this life are prior military. They, of course, have a different perspective on this than I do, a military spouse who has never served.

How long have you been a military spouse?

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

by

How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

Mother’s Day, 2007. My husband was in Iraq, and I was home with my almost six-month-old and two-year-old. These kids were not old enough to even know that Mother’s Day was supposed to be a special day.

I got it into my head that this was going to be a special day anyway. We were going to go to church and then we were going to go to brunch. So that is what I attempted to do. Only. I had a six-month-old and a two-year-old.

The baby started to get fussy. The two-year-old was well, being two. And I was alone, sitting at my table, trying to eat my special meal. It was horrible. I ended up just getting out of there as soon as possible, getting annoyed with myself for even thinking that was a good idea.

As military spouses, we experience holidays alone. And when we do, we try to make the best of things. But Mother’s Day? This holiday is made for pampering the mom. It is all about making her feel special and loved.

But how does that work when you are the only adult in your home? How does that work when your kids are too young to do anything to help you have a good Mother’s Day?

Here are some ideas to have a good Mother’s Day, even if your spouse is gone:

Order your favorite food

Order your favorite food. Order from your favorite restaurant. Make sure you are having a good meal. There is just something about having your favorite food on Mother’s Day that will lift your spirits.

No cleaning

Don’t clean. I know, how do you not clean for one whole day? You have to prepare ahead of time. And sure, with young kids, you’ll probably have to clean something or at least do a load of dishes. But don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of time cleaning on Mother’s Day. You can always catch up the next day.

Get together with friends

Have friends going through the same thing? Make plans with them. Plan a brunch so you can all chat and the kids can play. Pick a time to meet up at the park. Figure out how to spend the day with other people in your life who get it. 

Celebrate your mom

Spend the day celebrating your mom. If you live close, take her out for lunch. If not, give her a call and let her know you are missing and thinking about her. If your mom is not around, find another female family member to show your love to. They will appreciate it, and it will take your mind off being alone. And don’t forget about your mother-in-law.

mother's Day

Buy some cake

Don’t forget to get yourself a cake. No one will be making you one, and you will want that yummy dessert when the day comes. If you do love to bake, you can make your own, but either way, having cake will make your day better.

Ignore it

Who says you have to celebrate Mother’s Day if you don’t want to? Just ignore it. You might have to stay off social media for this, but you can ignore the holiday. Just have a regular Sunday with your kids and try not to put any pressure on yourself. You can always celebrate later on when your spouse is back home.

Having a deployed spouse on Mother’s Day can make it more challenging, but it doesn’t have to be horrible. You can still have a good Mother’s Day.

How have you celebrated when your spouse has been away?

How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

Don’t Forget About the Old Navy Military Discount

by Leave a Comment

Have you heard about the Old Navy military discount?

Have you heard about the Old Navy military discount?

Time to go clothes shopping! Let’s head to Old Navy. Whether you are headed to the mall to shop or a standalone store, Old Navy has clothing for the whole family.

You can find everyday clothing, pajamas, active wear, jeans, pants, dresses, and even shoes. It’s a great place to shop for the whole family.

And they also have a military discount.

What is the Old Navy military discount?

While I have experienced different amounts over the years, and at one store they offered it only on Mondays, I think these days the standard for the Old Navy military discount is 10% everyday. Just show your military ID at the store. Unfortunately, they do not have an online military discount.

Old Navy opened its first store in 1994 in Northern California. With its warehouse-themed interior, Old Navy began as a less expensive version of the Gap. The name Old Navy was inspired by a bar in Paris. Although it was announced in 2019 that they would be split into two companies, that didn’t actually happen, and Old Navy is still under the Gap name, along with Banana Republic and Athleta.

Old Navy has a rewards program

Old Navy also has a rewards program called Encore, formerly Navyist Rewards. With the program, you can earn points for rewards, get free shipping on $50+ purchases, and get members-only exclusive offers. There are three tiers: Core, which is free to join; Premier, for those who spend $350+; and All-Access, for card members.

Tips to Save More at Old Navy

When you are shopping at Old Navy, make sure to check out their sale section. You can find some pretty good deals there for you and the kids. Also, make sure to keep an eye on their sales. Even though you can’t use the Old Navy military discount online, you can usually find different discounts and codes to save you money.

Is the Old Navy Military Discount worth it?

You may wonder if the Old Navy military discount is worth it. I’d say, anytime you can save some money, it’s worth it. Even more worth it if you are buying clothes for the whole family.

Quick Old Navy Military Discount Q&A

Does Old Navy offer a year-round military discount?
Yes!
Do spouses qualify?
Yes, I have always been able to use my military spouse ID to get the military discount.
Do you need ID in-store?
Yes! Although it may be up to each store to decide how strict they are about asking for it. Make sure you have it on you.
Can you use it online?
No, sadly, at this time you can only use the military discount in the store.
Can I use it at the Gap and Banana Republic?
Yes!

Interested in more military discounts?

You can also find military discounts at many other clothing stores. Stores such as Columbia Sportswear, J.Crew, Hanes, Buckle, Under Armour, and Lululemon all have military discounts. Save between 10-40% off, depending on the store.

Image Credit: Photo by Alex Bierwagen on Unsplash

When You Didn’t Expect to Become a Military Spouse and Now Here You Are

by

spouse joins the military after marriage

When Your Spouse Joins the Military After Marriage

We were standing in a circle, and he was talking about his time in Egypt. I thought that was pretty amazing. I had only ever been to Mexico before, and this guy had been to Egypt. He also talked a bit about his time in the Army. I thought that was pretty cool, too. He had served for a few years in the late 90s. It was now 2001, and he had been home for quite a few years.

We started dating soon after that. I learned more about him and his time in the Army. He told me about being stationed at Ft Drum, his roommate, and his 6 months in Egypt.

In 2002, we got married.

In 2004, we had a baby and moved to Kentucky.

How Everything Changed After the Military

2005? Well, that changed everything. In November of 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the Army and everything changed.

You see, when we got married in 2002, I was marrying my husband, who had served in the Army. I didn’t marry an active duty soldier.

I know I am not alone. While plenty of military spouses married their spouses while they were serving, some of us did not. We had civilian weddings and years with a civilian spouse. For a lot of us, the first time our service member was away from us for an extended period of time was several years into our marriage.

My husband and I had been married for three years, three months, and about three days before he left for Germany, starting our military life adventure. When I think back to that time before the Army, I am amazed that life was like that. Back then, I didn’t know what it meant to go through a deployment. I couldn’t tell you what PCS, MWR, or DEERS were. I knew what a military installation was; I had been on one before, but I never saw it as my home.

Looking back, his re-joining the military made so much sense. The Army is a part of who he is. I married a soldier, and I didn’t even know it. The military was and is in his blood.

So to the military spouse who didn’t marry a service member, know that you actually did.

There was always a part of him or her that wanted to serve, even if they never talked about it. With your spouse joining the military, you will be starting a new chapter of your married life. You will look back at the pre-military years and feel how different they will be from the military ones. The years you have spent building up your marriage will help you through the deployments, through the moves, and all the challenges that come with military life.

To you, the idea of becoming a military spouse might feel pretty scary. You might never have imagined yourself going down this road. You might have assumed you would spend all of your married years just 20 minutes from where you grew up and now you’re headed to Germany.

So, if your spouse joins the military after marriage, things will change a lot from how you originally thought they would go. You might think they would get home from work every day at 5 pm, just like your dad did, and now you are learning what 24-hour duty is like. You might have pictured the love of your life by you for every birth, just like he was with your oldest child, realizing he won’t be home from his deployment until your second baby is four months old.

So, to you, military spouse, the military might not have been a part of your future plans, but being a military spouse is your life now, and there will be ups and downs.

There will be days your soldier walks through the door and seeing him in his uniform will take your breath away. There will be days when you get in the car to pick up your airman with butterflies you hadn’t felt since the week you met.

There will be days when you will miss your marine so much that you will laugh at the time you thought you were going to lose it because you visited your best friend and you were away from him for the weekend pre-military. There will be days when you will watch your sailor get promoted and know deep down that he is finally in the perfect career, even though it took years to figure that out.

When your spouse joins the military after marriage, you may feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. I know I certainly did. But you will not have to go through this life alone. There are a lot of other military spouses you can connect with both off and online. There is support out there and ways of dealing with the challenges of military life.

How long were you married before your spouse joined the military?

spouse joins the military after marriage

12 Memes About Military Kids

by

April is the month of the military child!

A month to celebrate and recognize military children and teens. Their lives might be different from those of other kids, but they are resilient and can benefit from military life too. Military life is filled with ups and downs, but these kids are right there beside us as we navigate this life ourselves.

Let’s celebrate these kids with some memes about military kids that will have you nodding along, “I totally get it, too.”

12 Memes About Military Kids
Military children

It’s hard to plan when you don’t know where you will be living in a few years.

Military children

Yep, sometimes with these kids, cereal is the best thing to serve for dinner.

Military children

This really is one of the hardest parts. You need to be there to comfort your child when they are missing their mom or dad so badly. At the same time, you are hurting too.

Military children

Yes! Love those Daddy Dolls!

Military children

Now wouldn’t that solve so many problems?

Military children

The new school year at a new school can be pretty scary.
Be there for your child as they start and go through the process of making friends again.

Military children

A week isn’t too long for the military child that is used to having to wait a lot longer.

Military children

Yep! Each of my kids was born in a different place!

Military children

Seriously! When you have to go months and months without family time, you know how special it really is.

Military children

Yep! Such is the life of the military brat.

Military children

Yep, even grosser than a dirty diaper.

Military Children

And when Mom or Dad gets home from the deployment, the kids will get their parent back and there will be nothing but smiles. Seeing them together after so much time apart is a wonderful feeling.

As you make your way through this military life, your kids will be there right alongside you. Be there for them and help them through any struggles they face. Keep them busy when your spouse is away and make memories together, even if someone is missing. They will enjoy talking about the fun they had with your deployed spouse. Remind them that they, too, serve and that they are blessed to be the children of those who have signed up to serve their country.

12 Memes About Military Kids

The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

by Leave a Comment

The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

The pressure to be strong as a military spouse can show up in ways we don’t always talk about. As military spouses, we sometimes feel like we have to be the strong ones all the time. That we have to keep it together as much as possible, and that we can never break down and admit defeat.

Cultural expectations within the community

Within the military community, it can be very easy to assume others are doing well, acting strong, and that there is something wrong with you if you don’t feel the same. People have busy schedules and may have a smile on their face. However, we need to remember that there may be more going on beneath the surface.

Social media comparisons

We turn to social media, which, in some ways, can be a great place to find support, but we also see all the great things people are doing. We see everyone’s highlight reel. We see the good and not as much of the bad. It can be easy to assume that everyone else has it together when we don’t.

What strength actually looks like

The truth is, strength doesn’t just look like happy smiling faces and put-together schedules. Strength comes in many forms. From the mom who prays for her husband and children each and every night, to the mom of the service member who wonders when she will get to see her little boy again. From the women who work together to plan a 100-day party, to those behind the scenes, looking for ways to fit in a bit more.

Military life is hard, and as military spouses, we can find ourselves stressing out about pretty much anything. The pressure to be strong as a military spouse is there, making us feel like we have to be strong 100% of the time.

Remember, military spouse life is a journey. There will be ups and downs. Days you feel strong, and days you might need more encouragement.

Find what works for you, make plans, make friends, and remember… being strong can look different for each person. Try not to compare yourself; instead, focus on building a life that supports you through the ups and downs of military life.

The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

It’s Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

by Leave a Comment

It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Heading to Germany to Start My Army Wife Life

March, 2006. My 18-month-old son and I got on an airplane at the St. Louis airport, after saying goodbye to my mom, not knowing when I would see her again. We were headed to Germany, and she had come out to help me with the last few steps before we could make our way across the ocean.

The previous November, my husband of three years had re-joined the military and headed over to Germany. We were due to join him shortly after, but the military being the military, it took us about 4.5 months to do so.

What is This New Life?

I remember being on post soon after arriving, watching a group of soldiers march by and thinking, “Wow, this is really our life now, isn’t it?” It was surreal at first. We had completely changed our lives. Army wife life meant my husband went from being home by 5 every workday to being deployed for 15 months. Solo parenting hit me hard. And we were now in a completely different country.

As the years went by, we experienced new and different things. Some good, like making friends during the more difficult times, to visiting other places and countries. Some bad, like a deployment extension, and having to navigate special needs parenting all by myself.

It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Life is Different Now in the Veteran Years

Today, my husband is a veteran. The military years are in our past, and sometimes I can hardly believe it. The military was so much a part of our lives for so many years. But time marched on. One year became two, became ten, became 20.

As I look back, it feels, in some ways, like a dream. For so long, a deployment was always in our future. For so long, the military had so much say. For so long, it seemed that it would never end. That it would always be this way.

Do I miss military life? Parts of it. I sure do.

It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Other parts? Not so much. But going through all that made me the person I am today.

The Military Community Can Help Each Other Out

So whether you just started your military spouse journey, or have been in this life for a while. Whether your spouse just retired or retired ages ago. One thing is true: we are all a part of the military spouse community.

Those of us who have come before can help support those going through it now. We can help each other out.

Military life isn’t easy. But it is a journey. One with ups and downs. If you are going through a difficult time right now, know you have the support of those who have gone before you. Those who can offer a hug and an encouraging note. You got this. You really do.

Here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, you can find support no matter what branch your spouse is in. You can find posts about deployment, PCSing, or anything else military life throws at you. You can find encouraging stories in the new Military Spouse Spotlight section. And if you, military spouse, ever want to share your own story? Fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form.