Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

The Deployment Ache

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The Deployment Ache

There is something that happens when you are away from your spouse for a period of time. Something that just isn’t there when they are home. It’s an ache. I am not sure how else to describe it. It isn’t just feeling sad. It isn’t just missing someone.

The Deployment Ache

It’s an ache. The deployment ache.

If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you know what I am talking about. The ache is the feeling when something isn’t quite right. You could be having a very good day, enjoying everything in front of you, and still feel that deployment ache. The ache doesn’t just go away because you are happy.

The ache is something you can’t control. The ache is there because you are not with the person you love the most. It’s there because something is missing and nothing can take the place of being with that person.

You can ignore that feeling for a while but it is still always there. Reminding you that your life is not quite complete in the way that it should be. That something important is missing.

I hated the deployment ache.

The ache was the hardest part of the deployment and sometimes you could see the ache on my face. Friends told me they could see such a huge change after my husband got home. Even if I was smiling when he was gone, it just wasn’t as big as when he was home.

When he was home, the ache was gone. That feeling wasn’t there anymore. It was the difference between being deployed and not being deployed.

The deployment ache is when you put the kids to bed and all you can think to do is cry yourself to sleep because you are not sure you can handle one more day.

The deployment ache is when you hear that your husband will be deployed a little bit longer than you had thought and there is nothing you can do about it.

The deployment ache is when you realize they will miss your birthday, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day for the third year in a row.

When your spouse is gone, you tell yourself that once they get home everything is going to be okay again. Then they return, you have a honeymoon period, and then life sets in. They go back to work, the kids need you, life gets busy and semi-normal again.

You have a bad day and you can be surprised about how you feel. During the deployment, you told yourself you would never have a bad day again as long as your spouse was back home with you.

The reality? Life is hard for everyone sometimes, military or not. Life gets complicated and you will have your good and bad days. However, when your spouse is home you are not going to have the deployment ache. And that is something to look forward to.

Because when they are home, the ache is gone and you can focus on everything else going on in your lives instead. You can talk to your spouse often, you can work on issues the two of you are dealing with, you can parent together and you can be a couple, in the ways you hoped you would be when you got married.

The ache is gone and you can move forward with your lives until the next time they would have to go away.

Have you felt the deployment ache before? How do you deal with it?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Five Tips for When You First Become A Military Spouse

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If you are new to Military life you might be worried or curious about all things military. Everything can be so overwhelming at first. I remember those days well.

I wasn’t really sure what to think about this new life. I was in a whole new world and I wasn’t sure how the military worked. I had a lot of questions and a lot of worries.

Over time, I started to figure things out. More seasoned spouses helped me along the way. And with time, things started to make a little more sense.

Five Tips for When You First Become A Military Spouse

Here are five tips to remember when you first become a Military Spouse:

You Don’t Have to Know Everything Right Away

PCS? CYS? TDY? What does all of that mean and what does it have to do with you? The Military has a certain way of doing things and the logic usually doesn’t always make sense and there are SO MANY ACRONYMS!

Don’t feel like you have to figure everything out right away. I am still trying to figure out how things work and I have been an Army wife for over 15 years.

Try Not to Freak Out Over the Little Things

This can be difficult to take. Not something I am very good at doing either. But try not to freak out over the little things.

Maybe your spouse has to work late or gets called into work unexpectedly. That is hard but, remember, that this is a part of the job. In the end, those little annoyances can really get to you.

Try not to let them. Try to let them go and if you can’t, talk to a friend who can relate.

Know That Military Life Isn’t Fair

Sometimes you just get dealt an unlucky number with deployments or the unit your spouse gets put in. During our first deployment, we were the only unit in the brigade where soldiers couldn’t come home on extra leave for a birth. While this did not affect us as we had our baby right before R&R, I know how frustrated others were. This felt very unfair to a lot of people.

Sometimes the people who leave first are the last to return. A lot of what happens doesn’t make any sense, it is just the way things are in the military. Military life just isn’t fair.

You Will Make Some of Your Best Friends as a Military Spouse

You will find people to connect with and get through deployments with. You will spend Christmas and other holidays together, cry when the deployments start, and cheer for each other during the homecomings.

You will have to eventually say goodbye but your bonds and your memories will last forever. Going through any stressful period of time with others makes things a bit easier. Finding friends who understand our military life is one of the best things you can do.

Not Everyone Handles Everything the Same Way

This is important to remember. Everyone handles separation differently. Everyone handles pcsing differently.

We are different people and certain parts of Military life might be harder for others. Keep this in mind if something is a little easier for you. You can help those around you who might be having a difficult time getting through.

You might be someone who can completely handle giving birth without your husband while a friend might feel that is nearly impossible. You can support her as she goes through that situation. Be her rock and in return, she will be there for you when you need someone to lean on.

Going from a non-military life to a military one can be challenging. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other spouses and ask questions when you don’t quite understand something. Most people are happy to help a new military spouse out 🙂

What Memorial Day Really Means to the Military Community

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What Memorial Day Really Means For the Military Community

Memorial Day…a day for a BBQ, spending time in the pool, or an extra day off work?

Yes, but…

For the Military community, Memorial day is a little different.

We do have BBQs, and we do spend time in the pool and have an extra day off work, but we also remember those who have lost their lives, in a very personal way.

Each of us knows a Gold Star family. I know many of them personally. Friends who became widows during our past deployments, friends who have received that knock on the door, friends who will never be the same.

They are who I think about on this day.

  • I think about how we all said goodbye to our husbands together, yet some did not return.
  • I think about my husband telling a fellow soldier what it was like to be a Dad, only to have that soldier lose his life the very next day. His wife was pregnant with their first baby.
  • I think about reading that email about the soldier who died and realizing I knew that last name. The name belonged to a friend of mine.
  • I think about hearing my husband talk about his buddy. How they had a lot in common. How he was a family guy too. And then receiving a phone call while I was in Vienna of all places, that he had also been killed in action.
  • I think about the fence outside the elementary school in Germany with the photos of those who we had lost during that long 15-month deployment.
  • I think about the little children that will never know their own fathers because they died before they were old enough to be able to remember them.
  • I think about the older children that still feel the loss so greatly years later.
  • I think about the Moms sending their children off to war only to get the knock on the door that they were not coming home.
  • I think about the end of a Memorial service when they call for the soldier and he does not answer. I think about how heartbreaking that really is.
  • I think about the table that sits empty at every Military Ball.

This is what Memorial Day means to the military community. We can’t help it. As a Military spouse, I have experienced all of this, and so have so many others.

Memorial Day is real life, not just something that happened 50 years ago. Memorial Day hits us hard, in so many different ways. Memorial Day is a time to reflect and remember, and mourn for those who have paid the ultimate price.

So when you are enjoying your day off, enjoying a BBQ, spending time with your family and friends, please remember the Gold Star families who are missing someone.

Remember what they have been through and what they have given up.

Say a prayer and remember that freedom is just not free. Freedom always comes with a cost.

What To Appreciate About Military Spouses

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The Friday before Mother’s Day is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. A day to recognize military spouses, and appreciate all that they do, standing by their service member.

Military spouses are not all the same, and we are all on our own military journey. Some of us are more seasoned, and have been doing this over a decade, or even over two or three. Some of us have only been doing this life for a few years, and things still feel so new.

During my time as a military spouse, there have been plenty of things I have learned to appreciate about other military spouses. There are some amazing people in this community doing such amazing things.

What To Appreciate About Military Spouses

Military Spouse Are Creative

Military spouses use their creativity for good. They start groups and clubs when there are not any around. They send care packages overseas, with all types of themes. They take lemons and turn them into lemonade, and figure out how to get through what they need to get through, during this military life.

Military Spouses Are Patient

Military spouses have to be patient, even when we really don’t want to be. We have to wait for deployments to start, wait for deployments to end. We have to wait to PCS, and those orders can take forever.

We have to wait to go home and see our families, and we have to wait for R&R. Being patient doesn’t always come easy but we do it anyway because we have to, and we want to support our spouse in their military career.

Military Spouses Are Giving

I have seen so many military spouses give their time and even money over the years. If a military spouse loses their partner overseas, the military community is there to step up. If a military spouse needs extra support, other military spouses are there to listen to them vent. When military spouses see an issue, they work to fix that issue, because they know how doing so will benefit all of us.

Military Spouses Have So Much To Offer

From volunteering for the FRG, to going back to school to further their own careers, military spouses have so much to offer. Each of us is unique and can bring our strengths to the military community. We have so much to offer, both the military community and the civilian communities we find ourselves in.

Military Spouses Are Unique

I love listening to other military spouse’s stories. We all came to this life in our own way. Some of us married in, and some of us were with our spouses when they enlisted. We come from different places, and might even speak different languages. Some of us have children, and some of us don’t.

I love how unique the military community is. We can all come together, no matter the branch, or the MOS, and know we are all in this together. We are all supporting a service member and even if we are different in other ways, we have that in common.

Think about all the things you appreciate the most about your fellow military spouses. Let me know in the comments what they are.

I Could Never Do It

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“I could never do it.”

“I couldn’t be a military spouse…”

“There is no way I could handle my husband being away from me”

If you have been a military spouse for any length of time you have probably heard people say that to you before. It just seems to be the thing to say. I am sure it is not because people want to insult us or make us feel bad.

I am sure saying this is just an honest response to hearing about our military lifestyle but the phrase still bothers us. This phrase makes it sound as if we are more okay with our spouses being away than other people would be. That we are more okay with going months and months without our spouse by our side. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Before my husband joined the Army, I couldn’t do it either.

I said I could never handle him being away or having to parent my son alone. I just couldn’t imagine a world where that would be our reality. Then a few months passed and we decided he was going to re-join the Army.

I had to start as a solo parent right away. Even though I didn’t think I had the strength to do so.

I said that I couldn’t do it when there were rumors that our deployment would be extended to 15 months. I didn’t think I could get through that. But I did.

When I thought about giving birth without my husband by my side, I didn’t think I could do that either but I did.

When I got married, I did not see deployments in the future as I walked down the aisle.

Everyone who had married someone already in the military could not have imagined how hard military life would really be. The military is not something you can plan out ahead of time. Military life is a journey with all kinds of twists and turns. Sometimes you will come up against a struggle you don’t think you can get through. But you do.

At the end of the day, we love our spouses. We know what their job is and we stand by them. Even if it hurts, which it does. Even if we sometimes think we can’t be strong anymore.

We push through the hardships because we know that the man or woman we see in uniform waiting to hug and kiss us after the deployment is worth all the waiting. We know that if our spouse thinks that they should be serving in the military, that we will stand beside them.

Know that sometimes we military spouses can’t do it either. That we are not always so strong and that we sometimes need a little more support.

So when you see a military spouse, try not to tell her that you could never do it. Because I bet if there was a time in your life when you and your spouse had to be apart, you would be able to somehow do it too.

Know that military spouses are not strong because we are a special type of person, but that this life has made us that way.

Know that we want our spouse home every night just like you do. That we hate that they have to miss so much. That some days are harder than others and that we know that someday we won’t have to be apart anymore.

Instead of saying you could never do what a military spouse does, tell your military spouse friends that they are capable of making it through. Tell them that if they need to break down sometimes, that is okay and that you are there to listen whenever they need to talk. Be their friend, give them hugs, and know that life brings each of us challenges and that this one is one of theirs.

A Military Dad

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He wakes up early, leaving his sleeping children. He has to get to work.

He puts on his uniform and stares at the calendar, they were running out of days.

He knows he has to go, he knows this is his duty, but saying goodbye to those kids isn’t going to be easy.

He packs his bag and sees his wife crying. He wishes this wasn’t going to be so hard for her. He never thought she would have to go through so many parenting seasons alone.

He promises to write. He promises to call. He hopes he won’t be forgotten.

And then it is time to say goodbye…

A Military Dad

He hugs those boys and knows how much they will grow when he is gone. He tries not to think about that, but it is right there in his mind. Being away for so many months at a time is a part of this life that makes everything so hard.

He has a sense of duty to his country. To go. To fight. To make a difference.

He has a sense of duty to his family. To his wife. To his kids.

And sometimes, he can’t do both at the same time. Sometimes he has to go away, and do his job, and try to be there for his family across the miles.

And other times he does get to be home. To make memories. To be able to be a dad in person, not just on a screen.

He wonders if his kids will remember this. He wonders if they will hate him for leaving because they don’t understand. He wonders if things will be weird when he gets back home.

And after months away, he struggles. He loves his kids but he doesn’t know them like he would if he never went away. He loves his family but being so far from home is so hard.

He focuses on the job, on the mission, on his duty. He tries not to dwell on what he is missing but on what he is helping to protect. He tries every day to be the best soldier he can knowing he also needs to be the best father he can be at the same time.

And time goes by…he misses those kids. He misses so much. The first steps, the first words, the first moments. He hopes he doesn’t miss much more, but with years left serving in the military, he knows he might.

And then it is time to go home. To get out of this place, and be back where he belongs. With his wife, and his kids. But he worries.

Has he been gone too long? Will his three-year-old remember the trips to the park before he left? Will the one-year-old bond with him as his brother did? Will his wife be okay after so many months of solo parenting?

And the plane lands and the deployment is over. He sees them, right away. She is wearing a blue dress, and the boys match one another. His oldest is holding a sign. He can’t wait for the moment he can hug and kiss all of them.

But they have to wait and he has to stay stoic. He sees his family but he can’t crack a smile. Not yet.

Then it is time, they are free to go and he runs to her and the boys. And they hug and kiss and all feels right in the world. Those boys, those kids, they have missed him so much but he is back.

And they drive home together and everything is different at home. And yet, nothing is different. This is his family and they still love him so much. As the days pass, there might be struggles, but he is home, where his heart is.

He isn’t used to the new bedtime. He isn’t used to a toddler. He isn’t used to this new normal. But they will work through everything.

And this soldier, he may have to deploy again, and there might be more times apart. But no matter where he goes or how far away he might be, these are his kids and they will always love him.

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

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How you know you are a military spouse

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

Here is how you know you are a military spouse…

When you have no idea when you will see your spouse again, it could be May; it could be September, who knows?

When you have no idea what your spouse’s co-worker’s first names are.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you are up for any adventure, even though it scares you to death.

When you always have two IDs on you, military and your driver’s license.

When your driver’s license is not for the state you live in, and your license plate doesn’t match either.

How you know you are a military spouse

When a two-week training is a fun time to catch up on Call the Midwife and not a big deal compared to all the other times you have had to be apart.

When your grocery shopping plans are based on the 1st and the 15th and if you feel brave enough to go to the commissary on those days.

When you only write dates down in your planner in pencil, because you know they will always change.

When you laugh at the thought of going out to dinner with you friends and putting your phones away. That would never work in your military spouse circles.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you get excited to find out a friend from two duty stations ago is moving to your current installation.

When you can’t bring up the FRG without hearing about how wonderful it can be and how horrible it can be, by different people.

When the “sandbox” has nothing to do with the place your kids play when you are at the park.

When 21:00 or 14:30 is not confusing to you.

When you know that saying goodbye won’t ever get any easier.

When you have curtains that won’t fit on any of your windows, but you can’t get rid of them because you are moving next summer, and they could work in your new home.

When your future depends on one person signing a piece of paperwork in a timely manner.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you say, “see you later” even if you worry you might not see that person again. Saying, “goodbye” would be harder.

When you have given birth without your husband at least once or have ever had the worry that you might have to do so.

When you love wine, coffee, and diet Dr. Pepper, or at least two of the three.

When your life is very different than you ever thought it would be.

When you have been asked at least once if your life is like they show on Army Wives.

When none of your children have been born in the same state.

When none of your children have been born in the same country.

how you know you are a military spouse

When “war” means so much more than just what you read about in the history books.

When the thought of giving up Facebook makes you cringe since most of your family and friends do not live near you.

When you don’t know what it is like to live near your family.

When you know the difference between MWR, DEERS, and PCS.

When you are super thankful for any military discount a company is willing to give out.

When you realize you are a part of an incredible group of people, who also understand what it is like to miss someone so much, to give up so much, and to be the people who support those that have volunteered to serve our country and keep it safe.

What would you add to this list???

15 Lessons After 15 Years As a Military Spouse

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I just renewed my passport. I have no plans to travel internationally anytime in the near future, but if I didn’t renew soon, I would have to start the process over. This blows me away a little bit. It doesn’t seem like it was too long ago that I was waiting not so patiently for my first passport to come in the mail. But that was in early 2006, 15 years ago.

How has it been 15 years since my son and I flew over to Germany to join my husband on our Army adventure? So much has happened since the day he rejoined the Army. I have grown so much and learned so many lessons over the years.

Over the years, you can’t help but learn more about yourself, and military life in general. Lessons that will help you in the future, or as you start a new military life journey. Here is a list of 15 lessons I have learned during my 15 years as a military spouse:

  1. Don’t trust timelines. Seriously don’t. Hope for the best and expect the worst.

When my husband first joined and got orders to Germany, we were told we could join him over there in about a month. Nope. Luckily, I had a sense joining him overseas would take a bit longer than that.

2. Make new friends. Seriously…do it. You will need them.

Whether you are going through a deployment, or just need to vent about something another military spouse would understand, make new friends, however you can.

3. Your duty station is what you make of it.

I know, some duty stations are better than others. How can you compare Monterey with Fort Polk, but the truth is, there is a lot you can do to turn things around at a not-so-ideal duty station.

Find a friend group, look for fun things to do, and try to focus on what your current duty station has to offer. I know that doing that is hard sometimes, but it is better than feeling stuck or like you just can’t wait to get out of a place that you really can’t leave for a few more years.

4. Try the FRG. Try the spouse group. You never know.

I know, I know, these types of groups can have a bad reputation. But why not try them at least once? You might not like it, you might never go back, but maybe just maybe this can be a way to find some friends, and get to know a little bit more about what to expect during military life.

5. You don’t have to give up on your dreams.

I was mom of two small boys, bored in Germany, so I started a blog. And the blog grew. And I kept writing, and the blog grew even more. And because of that blog I now have a freelancing career and so many amazing opportunities coming my way.

Find ways to work on your own dreams whatever they might be. You can go to school during military life, you can work your own career, or start a business. The sky is the limit, never forget that.

6. Not all children need the same things

Let’s face it, military life can be really difficult for our children. They might not always understand what is going on or why their parent has to be away. And there is so much good advice out there.

However, what works for one kid might not work for another. What bothers one child might not bother another. So figure out what your own child needs, and find ways to help them, instead of feeling like you have to follow a specific checklist.

8) Get off your duty station

No matter where you are, get off your duty station. Go exploring. Take a walk. Take a hike. See the sights.

If you are overseas, you might not ever be back in that country again. See what is out there and take advantage of the time you have. You will be so glad you did.

9) Journal it all

I strongly recommend journaling for anyone going through a deployment or a difficult time. This will help you get everything out. This will help you find more peace.

Don’t know where to start? Find a journal, and just start writing. Even if it doesn’t make any sense. Just get the words out there.

10) Love letters are the best

We have love letters from my grandparents, saved from World War II. Those letters give me a picture of their lives. What that time was like for them and what they went through being apart for three years.

I cherish all the letters I have gotten from my husband over the years, even the small postcards that said, “thinking of you.”

11. Not everyone is going to understand

The truth is, not everyone is going to understand the decision to join the military or even decisions about when you will come home to visit or where you are moving to.

You have to do what is right for your military family and create those boundaries. Even people who love you very much might get upset over how you choose to handle homecoming. Be clear about expectations and let people know that this decision is what is best for your family.

12. You never stop learning and adjusting

No matter how many years you have hit as a military spouse, there is always something new to learn. I am still trying to figure things out.

Whether you are worried about how a deployment will go or how to handle being so far from family. Military spouse life is a learning experience. Take what you have been through and use it to help you in the future.

13. You won’t keep in touch with everyone…and that’s okay

Saying goodbye to friends is never easy. I like to say, “see you later” instead. But the reality is, you might not stay in touch with everyone.

But I think that is just a part of life. Some people move and you still connect with them, even on a daily basis. Others, fade into memories.

14. You can be the military spouse you want to be

Don’t like to send care packages? That’s fine! Don’t ever want to live on post? Go you! As military spouses it can be easy to be pigeonholed into the “perfect military spouse” but the truth is, you can be the military spouse you want to be.

You do you. It’s so important that you do. And trust me, there are probably other military spouses out there that feel the same way about things that you do.

15. The military world is a small world

I was taking my boys to a garage sale on post when I heard someone in a van shout, “Julie?” I turned around and it was a friend of mine from Germany. Her husband just got stationed at Fort Campbell too. It was so great to see her and reconnect our friendship during her time here.

That is what I love about military spouse life. The world is small. And you might just end up with friends from a previous duty station back in your life again.

How long have you been a military spouse and what are the biggest lessons you have learned?

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

The best advice I can give a new military spouse is to brace yourself. Being a military spouse is hard work. It does not matter what branch, what rank, if you’re full-time, guard, or reserve. Military life is a big adjustment and you cannot prepare yourself for it.

I married my husband 5 years ago. He is in the Army National Guard and we were part-time. He had a civilian job, went to drill one weekend a month, and training two weeks a year. Or that’s what I was told.

After we were married things changed very quickly. Suddenly, he was putting on a uniform every day and going to work at the armory. There were schools he went to that lasted a month or more. There were classes he would travel to go to.

For Hurricane duty, he would pack a bag at a moment’s notice, leave and I didn’t know when he would be back. Annual training went from two weeks to three and then to four weeks. Before I knew it, he was gone all the time.

One year, from January to August he was only home for 10 weeks. Now I am in our first deployment and that really shocked me to the core. Even though I was used to him not being home, deployment created several new issues I had not planned on having to struggle with. It is hard being the only adult making decisions and trying to roll through whatever Murphy’s Law is throwing at you.

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

So, the advice I give to spouses I talk with is to:

  • Breathe…..take it one day at a time.
  • If you can’t take it day by day, that’s ok. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. You do whatever you need to do to survive that day.
  • Every day will get a little easier and so will the next and the next. Before long you will be a professional conquering Murphy’s Law and navigating through the military world.
  • Find your tribe, lean on other spouses. Other spouses are your best resource for information and support. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same storm.
  • Most importantly…..take care of you!! If you are not taking care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.

Best of luck to all new military spouses. I hope you enjoy this life as much as I do.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

What I Wish I Knew Before My Spouse Became a Recruiter

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Happy to have this guest post by April on her experiences while her spouse was a military recruiter. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Recruiting duty, like a lot of other things in the military, has some awesome perks but also some tough drawbacks.

Before my husband volunteered, all I knew was he was non-deployable, and that was pretty dang important after coming off of a year being separated because of his PCS to Korea for which I was not approved to go with.

I didn’t know anyone who had been a recruiter who I could talk to in order to gain somewhat of a perspective of what to expect. So, we were basically going in blind. My husband was stationed in Central Oregon, nowhere near a military installation.

Here are four things I wish I knew going into recruiting duty, and I hope they will help prepare you better than I was.

1) Recruiting duty is stressful, and the hours are long.

There were many 14-16 hour days, 6-day workweeks, and overnights to trainings and MEPS. I was thankful we were together as a family, but I was not prepared for how much the job would take a toll on my spouse. It was all about numbers and making so many phone call attempts, which left my husband little control over his schedule, and that left me never knowing when he would be home or when he might have to leave overnight.

There is definitely some of that in the regular Army, but the unpredictability of the daily schedule taught me to just let go, or at least attempt to let go, of all expectations of a standard mealtime or time when my husband would walk through the front door. He also had a government phone, and so he was constantly getting phone calls and texts from coworkers and applicants.

2) The service member is non-deployable!

The biggest perk for me, coming off of a year apart with a small child, was that my husband was never gone for more than a few months at a time. We had another baby while he was on recruiting because we could guarantee he would be home for the birth. It was glorious to not have to worry about a deployment for three years.

3) You may be stationed nowhere near a military installation.

The closest one to us was a four-hour drive, and so we didn’t get any of the amenities we were used to when we had a post nearby. Groceries were more expensive, and childcare was difficult to find. Because of not being near a military installation, there was a sense of isolation.

We didn’t have a ton of military families who knew what we were going through close by that we could lean into for support and friendship, and there wasn’t a post that had activities we could go to in order to stay busy or meet other people. We had to work really hard, and in ways we hadn’t had to before, in order to build a community around us.

4) Yes, you may not be near a military installation, but help is out there!

You should still have a SFRG, you probably will rarely see them in person. There should be a representative for families at some level, you might just have to ask around to find that person. And there are spouses that are already there and have been there a while, ask them! They will know which grocery store has the cheapest groceries and possibly a good daycare for your child. You just have to be brave and ask around.

Recruiting duty is unique in a lot of ways, good and hard. Being on the tail end of it, I can see all the great things it allowed our family to do, and in the ways, it pushed us out of our comfort zones.

April is a mom to two girls, wife to a soldier turned Air National Guard member and lives in Central Oregon. Her husband transitioned from active duty to the guard last year, and they are very much still in the trenches of transition. She loves to read, write, and be outdoors in their beautiful state. Military life is hard, and she has a passion for making it easier for others, however she can. You can find her at Mercy and Healing.