Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

National Guard

Famous Military Veterans: Tom Selleck Served in the Military

by Leave a Comment

Famous Military Veterans: Tom Selleck Served in the Military

Tom Selleck is one of my favorite actors! He is also a veteran, having served in the California National Guard.

The actor got rose to popularity after he played P.I. Thomas Magnum, in the TV show, Magnum P.I, which ran from 1980-1988. I remember watching a lot of Magnum P.I. on reruns in the 1990s and loved that show. It’s so 80s!

Today, you can find him on the show Blue Bloods, as New York City Police Commissioner Frank Reagan. Another great show about a family of police officers. Selleck plays a widow and father of the family. Actor Len Cariou plays his father on the show, even though the two are only about six years apart in real life.

You might also remember Tom Selleck in the 1987 comedy, Three Men and a Baby, or as Monica Geller’s love interest in Friends.

Tom Selleck was born in Michigan in 1945, and his family moved to Sherman Oaks, CA just a few years later. He started acting while in college and stared in a Pepsi commercial in 1967. He was also drafted into the Vietnam war the same year.

He joined the California National Guard and served from 1967-1973 in the 160th Infantry Regiment of the California Army National Guard. In fact, he even appeared on the California National Guard recruiting posters at one time.

In a quote on Military.com, the actor has said, “I am a veteran; I’m proud of it. I was a sergeant in the U.S. Army infantry, National Guard, Vietnam era. We’re all brothers and sisters in that sense.”

Tom Selleck is a big supporter of the military, and we thank him for his service. In 2009, he joined the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund as national spokesman for the new Education Center being built on the National Mall.

5 Things to Know About Being a National Guard Spouse

by Leave a Comment

It’s been nine years since I became a National Guard spouse when my husband went from the active duty military to the National Guard. Nine years of drills, annual training, and all things National Guard. Unlike many National Guard families, we live near a military post, Fort Campbell. He was stationed here when he was active duty and we stayed. We definitely live in a military town, and have access to many of the same things active duty military have.

We can and do shop at the Commissary, attend events on post, and many people we meet are associated with the military. They are either other military spouses, military brats, or veterans. Most people around me know a little bit about the military lifestyle, which I know isn’t always the case when you are in the National Guard or the Reserves.

Service members in the National Guard serve in the military, however, their day-to-day lives can look a little different. If your spouse serves in the National Guard, they will most likely also work a civilian job. As a National Guard family, the military is around, but not necessarily on a daily basis like you might find if you were an active duty family.

If your service member is thinking about joining the National Guard or the Reserves after active duty or thinking of joining to start their military career, I hope you are able to find this post helpful.

Sometimes the military is in your face

There are times when the military is going to be in your face. The Guard does deploy, and they also go away to train. AT or Annual Training is the “two weeks a year” part of the deal. Although sometimes AT is longer than two weeks. For us, it has been anywhere from 2-4 weeks.

Sometimes my living room is filled with camo as my husband sorts his gear for a drill weekend or other types of training. Sometimes we are waiting on military orders. Sometimes this life feels similar to when he was active duty. The key word here is sometimes.

Sometimes we are a lot more civilian

There are times when we are a lot more like a civilian family. While drill weekend is once a month, sometimes there can be six weeks in between drill weekends. This means that we don’t think as much about the military as other times. Life is pretty much him going to his civilian job, and not much going on with the military, even though the military is always still in the back of our minds. Every year seems to be a big mix of both military and non military seasons.

The news isn’t your friend

The news could mean activation. The National Guard could get called to help with a hurricane, tornado, or other natural disaster. They could get called to help with any type of unrest or anytime they are needed. This can be with very little notice and you will have to change your plans. This is one of the hardest parts of Guard life for me. Activation doesn’t happen too often but I always have it in the back of my mind, especially when planning vacations or other important events.

Create your own drill weekend fun

Creating drill weekend fun is good for you. I never love when my husband is gone. I am pretty sure drill weekend always falls on the most inconvenient weekend of the month, but I also enjoy creating traditions while he is away. I will order my favorite food one night or binge a specific show I only watch when he is gone.

You can and should enjoy that time as much as you can, instead of just dreading the times they will be away. Use those weekends or trainings to work on yourself, and make memories with friends or your kids. This will make your life as a National Guard spouse a bit easier.

National Guard spouses do get some benefits

Us National Guard and Reserves spouses do qualify for some of the same benefits active duty spouses do. When looking at spouse programs, finding out that we can’t qualify for something is frustrating. Our spouses serve too. However, some programs do include us. Here are a few of them:

  • MyCAA provides military spouses with up to $4,000 in financial aid to pursue a license, certification, or associate’s degree. MyCAA is available to National Guard and Reservist spouses when their service members are on Title 10 orders. MyCAA is for spouses whose service members have ranks between E-1 through E-6, W-1 through W-2, and O-1 through O-3.
  • Tutor.com is a free online tutoring website to include college and professional subjects, available 24/7.
  • Most military discounts that offer the discount to spouses include National Guard spouses, such as the amazing Disneyland military discount.
  • Hire Heroes USA provides free job search assistance to US military members, veterans, and their spouses.
  • Blue Star Families and Military OneSource are also available to us.

Not everyone’s experiences as a National Guard spouse will be the same. Some service members train more than others. But joining the National Guard or Reserves can be a good career move for some service members.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Olivia on National Guard life! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

I used to think military life was easy, fun, and quite frankly, no big deal. My spouse’s National Guard drill weekends were no issue because I would just go shopping with friends, spend time with family, eat all of the take-out Chinese food I wanted, etc.

So, the saying about things getting easier with time…I don’t think that always applies in the case of military life. 

You get older. You start a family. Family gatherings grow in size and number. Activities and events start to infiltrate the fridge calendar.

You start to overhear conversations like, “Hey dad, are you coming to my soccer game this weekend?” “I’m sorry buddy, I have to go away this weekend. I’m sorry I’ll miss it.” Again. He’s so sorry he will miss yet another game. Another practice. Another swimming lesson. Another family barbeque to celebrate someone’s birthday. The list goes on.

I can see the look on my husband’s face, and then in my son’s eyes. Sadness, disappointment, hurt, felt on both ends. You’re probably thinking, it’s one game or one practice, the child won’t remember. And you’re absolutely right if it was just one or two here and there.

However, it’s close to 50-75% of the time with all activities and day-to-day life in our household. I’m sure many people think the National Guard is just one weekend per month and a two-week training in the summer each year. 

Well, I wish it was just that, but that is far from the truth. For example, this year alone, my husband was gone for just under three months right after Christmas.

He was stateside, which was nice, but I work full-time and there was no way we could make a trip out to visit him a reality. This summer felt like a nice break because he literally just had drill weekends and that was it.

Well, here we are going into the fall, and into a new budget year for the National Guard, and the calendar is filling back up with additional trips to the guard base for additional duties to be completed. And, those are just the planned trips. You never know when a call will come in to go assist here or there, a week or two weeks gone. 

“It’s totally what you signed up for though, right?” I get this question or similar comments whenever I mention something related to my husband’s schedule. Yes, you are correct, when my husband was 17 years old, he signed on the dotted line and is literally owned by the government until further notice. I don’t know how a 17-year-old could’ve known exactly what this life would be like, but he signed up and has been committed to them for just shy of 20 years now.

On the positive flip side, I have family who keep a similar calendar of drill and military-related events on their calendar, and they are mindful of those when planning family events. I can’t tell you how happy this makes my heart! Some get it, some don’t, and that is okay- you work around your schedule and their schedule to the best of your ability. 

Other things that don’t seem to get easier or better with time, and often bring a sense of unnecessary guilt: 1. Repeatedly saying, “Sorry we can’t come, he has drill that weekend.” 2. “Don’t plan around us, you know how our schedule is.” 3. “This is our first weekend together as a family in three weeks, so no we aren’t going to plan anything.”  4. “Yes, we let our kids stay the night with grandparents just so we can have a couple of hours alone this month.” 

You’re able to recognize that some have it way harder or worse than you. You’re able to rationally tell yourself that you’ll get through this and it’s not that bad. But that doesn’t minimize the stress that you’re experiencing and comparing your situation to someone else’s just isn’t realistic. Everyone is different and we all deal with things differently. 

With all of this complaining or over-explaining, there are a few things that are amazing when it comes to the National Guard life. Amazing friends that just get it and don’t think twice about rescheduling something five times, because they are in the same boat.

The excitement on my kids’ faces when they see dad fly over during a training mission. The fancy dining out ceremonies that give us a few hours to relive our prom days. The pride in knowing that my husband and fellow National Guard soldiers do so much for our community and country. And, did I mention the ability to have as much Chinese take-out as you want on drill weekends? Yeah, that hasn’t changed a bit. 

The National Guard life is different from other branches of service, and yet still comes with its own set of challenges. If you’re a National Guard spouse, just know that I hear you & see you. And if you want to get take-out on drill weekends, I fully support you 😉  

Olivia Moser is a National Guard spouse of a CW04 CH-47 Pilot in the Nebraska Army National Guard. They have two children and an active puppy at home. She is a member of the Soldier Family Readiness Group (SFRG) for her husband’s current unit and is a member of the local Auxiliary Legion post. Olivia works full-time as a Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner (LIMHP) and Clinical Program Manager with the State of Nebraska. She is a trained crisis negotiator, forensic interviewer, and QPR suicide prevention facilitator. She is also on the state’s Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) team. 

Go to ne.ng.mil for more information about the NEARNG

https://ne.ng.mil/FPO is a resource for Warrior & Family Support in the NEARNG

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

by 2 Comments

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

If you are married to a member of the National Guard, you know they might get deployed. The National Guard does go on deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world, just like the active duty military does. They can also get activated or called up when the country needs them.

The National Guard will go and help after a hurricane or tornado. They assist in disaster relief and have even been activated to be at the border. But now, it looks like they are going to be needed once again, to help our country during this COVID- 19 crisis.

If you are a National Guard spouse, you either know your spouse is going to have to go or know that they could be. While other friends are getting ready to spend possibly more time with their spouse, you are on the edge of your seat wondering when and if they have to go. And when they do, what they will have to do, and how long they will be away.

So to my fellow National Guard spouses, this isn’t an easy time for us. We might not be sure what is going to happen. We are just not sure how this will all play out. And the public doesn’t always respond well when the National Guard is called up.

And the thing is, we really can’t talk to anyone who has been through this exact type of thing before. Because what is happening now, hasn’t ever happened before. The entire world is dealing with this virus and we are not sure how long any of this will last.

So what can we do? How can we stay sane through all of this? How do we handle all the emotions that come with waiting to find out what will happen with our National Guard service member?

A lot of what we can do is similar to the unknowns associated with a regular deployment. I know for me, during deployments, there were times when I had no idea when my husband would be home.

Maybe two months, maybe six? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what the future looked like or how long I would have to solo parent. I just had to take it day by day. And that is how I am going to have to go about this in these times.

I am going to need to stay busy, although how I normally stay busy is going to have to change. I can’t go meet a friend for lunch right now or take my kids to very many places. Movies are out. Chuck E Cheese is out. Playgrounds are out. We have to stay at home as much as possible which I know is going to be challenging.

If my spouse does have to go away, that will add another layer to this staying at home business. It won’t make it easier that’s for sure, but I am hoping we can find a good way to handle all this. We might have to be more creative.

We National Guard spouses will also have the fear of what our spouse is going to be doing. Will they be in contact with the virus? Will the public become afraid of them? It’s so hard to know what being activated or called up for this will entail.

I am going to try to stay away from being fearful or all the what-ifs. That’s a hard road for me to go down. I want to stay positive. But that isn’t always easy for me to do.

I also know, this might be yet another challenge for us to endure. Life isn’t always easy and as a National Guard soldier, this is a part of his job. Still, that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy to get through, no matter how long it might last.

If you are a National Guard spouse too, know that I am right there with you. This is a scary time, but at least we can help each other through. Know that no matter what happens, we are not alone and not the only ones going through this. That is so important to remember.

I thought I had this year figured out. But everything has been turned on its head. From school, to how we spend our free time, and now to what my husband is going to be doing. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” –Mary Anne Radmacher

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

by

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

I’m not sure where the idea came from that National Guard and Reserve spouses are not military spouses. This myth, it’s not a good one. Serving in the National Guard or Reserves is just a different way of serving in the military. As far as I am concerned, if your spouse puts on a uniform, you are in fact a military spouse.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

It doesn’t matter the branch; it doesn’t matter the status, you are a military spouse.

While it is true that being married to an active duty soldier and a National Guard soldier are different, trust me I know, I have done both, there is still plenty the two have in common.

There are definitely pros and cons to each way of serving and some of them can sometimes be based on who you are as a spouse and as a military family member. Not everyone has the same exact experiences. While active duty life can be perfect for one family, national guard life can be perfect for another.

While we shouldn’t ignore the differences, especially ones that are harder for each side, we can come together on what we have common.

We all deal with deployments

One of the biggest myths about the National Guard and the Reserves is that they don’t deploy, but they do. They go to a lot of the same places active duty does and can be gone longer. And while they are gone, most of their spouses are not surrounded by military communities. Deployments happen, whether your spouse is active duty or not.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all miss our spouse

All military spouses miss their husband or wife at some point in their military careers. While the length of time can be different, both active duty and national guard and reserve spouses will miss their spouse during their time as a military family. While it can be easy to look at the other side and assume they don’t have a right to miss their spouse like we do, we simply need to stop doing this. When your spouse is gone, you are allowed to miss them, no matter how long they are away for.

We all deal with the military craziness

Whether it is waiting on PCS orders, or waiting to find out of your spouse is, in fact, going to be deployed for the summer, all of us spouses are dealing with the craziness of military life. You have heard people say, “Well that’s the Army for you” or “That’s how it is in the Air Force” and it is true. There is a bit of crazy associated with dealing with the military, and that isn’t always fun.

If we have kids, we solo parent

Whether you are solo parenting through Basic Training and AIT, a deployment, Annual Training, or a school, you will be solo parenting at some point. Maybe you will be a solo parent for a weekend, maybe for nine months worth of weekends, but you do what you have to do. And you figure out ways to make solo parenting a little easier for yourself everytime they go away.

Yes, National Guard and Reserve Spouses are Military Spouses Too

We all live a military life

At the end of the day, we are all living a version of a military life.

While some might live right on a military installation and others live five hours from the closest one, we are all living the military life.

While some see their spouse put on that uniform every morning, and others see it once a month, we are all living that military life.

While some move every three years, and others are still in their hometown, we are all living that military life.

So, if you ever question if someone is a military spouse or not, think about this, does their husband or wife put on a military uniform to serve their county? If so, yes, yes they are a military spouse. 

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

by

To the National Guard Spouse During AT

It’s summer! Well…almost. Today is actually the last day of school, so I am calling it. And with summer comes a lot of fun. Time at the pool, sleeping in, BBQs, movies in the park…but summer also brings something big for us National Guard and Reserve spouses…AT. Annual training. The “two weeks a year” part of the National Guard commitment we always hear so often.

To the National Guard Spouse During ATMy husband’s AT has been different every year. The first year he was gone on the fourth of July, for about two and a half weeks. I think he went to Texas or Louisana? It’s hard to remember. The next time he was gone for three weeks in June. It feels like it is different every year, anywhere from two to three to four weeks.

I am in a National Guard Spouse Facebook group, and with summer approaching and many National Guard units leaving for AT or NTC, it is clear, many spouses are not having the easiest time.

AT isn’t something I think too much about during the rest of the year.

I know it is coming, and before he leaves, I always tell myself the time apart won’t be a big deal. That it is just a few weeks, that it isn’t a deployment, and that we have been apart for a long longer over the years.

But the reality is, once AT starts, I go right into solo parenting mode, and none of that is easy. I have to have a lot of talks with myself to get through. I have to stay busy and work hard so that I don’t get too sad about missing having him around.

So, to the National Guard spouse that is missing their love this summer, to the Reserve spouse who wishes time would fly, you got this.

I mean it.

We can do this. We can.

We have done it before, we can get through it all again.

We will figure out what works for us and make it to the finish line.

One of the hardest things about AT is what your spouse is going to miss.

Maybe that is the end of school for your kids and all that comes with it; maybe it is summer traditions like going to the pool the first day it opens, or even missing a big part of the sports season. Whatever it is, it sucks that they have to miss it. You know that just comes with military life, but that doesn’t make things any easier.

AT or NTC can be even harder when you know they are preparing for an upcoming deployment. You know this is just a taste of what life will be like when they are away for longer. And sometimes we might freak out about future time apart. You might wonder how you will get through a nine-month deployment if these three weeks are this hard.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/2017/08/21/military-spouse-memes-national-guard-spouses/

The truth of all this is, yes, these three weeks at AT might be a little brutal, but once the deployment starts, you will get into a groove.

This might take a while, but it will happen. This doesn’t mean the deployment is going to be easy, but you will find ways to make it through, no matter how long the deployment might be. And you might even be able to find a good groove during AT.

Don’t assume that how you feel on your hardest day of AT is how you will feel throughout your whole deployment. You might have days like that, but you will also have days where you feel like you are rocking the homefront and can handle anything that comes your way.

So to the National Guard spouse that is wishing their husband or wife was back home, to the Reserve spouse who wants time to fly, eventually, AT or NTC will be over.

They will be home again, and you can get back to your summer.

And in the meantime, make plans, make a lot of plans. Don’t just stay in your house. Take the time to organize a room in your home or to take a trip back home if it works out to do so. Look at these weeks apart as a time to work on yourself and grow as a person. Find other spouses who either understand what you are going through or will be your support as you go through it.

AT never seems to come at a good time. There will always be something that they miss that you wish they wouldn’t. You will always wish that the time apart was a little bit shorter.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/2017/08/21/military-spouse-memes-national-guard-spouses/

But in the end, you can use this time for good.

Whether it is working on your house, making memories with your kids, or simply remembering what you love about your spouse.

As National Guard spouses, we might not have a lot of local support but there is plenty of online support, and you might even be surprised at the friends you will make along the way.

Here are a couple of Facebook groups to join if you are a National Guard spouse looking to connect with others:

The Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Community

We have quite the fair share of National Guard and Reserves spouses in my group 🙂

Army National Guard Wives

National Guard Wives

So, if you are getting ready for your spouse to leave for AT or NTC this summer, here are a few things to remember:

  • Stay busy
  • Work on yourself
  • Find new friends (even if they are just online.)
  • Don’t assume a future deployment will feel the same way
  • Make goals
  • You got this!

Here are some of my National Guard blog posts too 🙂

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Military Spouse Memes for National Guard Spouses

What are you planning to do while your spouse is away for AT this year? 

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

by

The National Guard Doesn’t Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

I have been a National Guard spouse for four years now. After years as an active duty spouse, I am very aware of the differences, even if some of them don’t apply to me directly. There are a lot of myths about the National Guard and Reserves life out there that simply are not true.

I think a lot of them are there simply because people don’t know any National Guard or Reserve families or make assumptions based on things they have read or heard about in the media. Whatever the reasons, this post is all about those myths as well as the truths behind them. I asked my Facebook group, and other National Guard and Reserves spouses told me what myths they have encountered over the years:

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

One weekend a month, two weeks a year

Okay, let’s talk about this. You have probably heard the tagline about the National Guard or the Reserves as being just one weekend a month, two weeks a year.

What really happens? Well, one weekend a month can be anywhere from 1 day to 4 or 5. Usually 3-4 days. So a weekend, plus a day or two.

The two weeks a year is usually more like 3 or 4, sometimes more than that. We are right in the middle of AT season right now, and service members are training for way more than two weeks at a time.

This also doesn’t account for any extra training or schools they might do during the year.

They don’t deploy

Yep, heard this one plenty of times and it isn’t true at all. While it is true that some Guard units haven’t been deployed for some time, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen or won’t happen. Back when we started the Iraq war, I remember hearing about so many of the National Guard units deploying for up to 18 months.

These days, the National Guard deploys pretty much anywhere that active duty might go. Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa, and even Europe. They don’t just stay within their state, they go out into the world, wherever they are sent.

Being in the Guard or Reserves is easier

I will say that our National Guard experience has been easier than our Active Duty experience. But from talking with other spouses, this isn’t true for them or even necessarily the norm. This depends on so many things.

There is nothing easy about being a National Guard or Reserves spouse. There are a lot of things that they have to deal with that active duty doesn’t. There are different ways to serve your country, each other their own struggles.

For some, a typical month would include 50-60+ hours in a civilian job, a drill weekend, and then 50-60+ hours in the civilian job. This is all without a day off in between. Talk about being burned out from work.

40 years for retirement

Another myth is that to receive retirement as a National Guard or Reserve service member is by serving 40 years, double the time it would take an active duty service member. But that isn’t true.

What is true is that your service member will not receive their retirement until they are 60, in some cases 50. And they also will need 20 years of qualifying service. A qualifying year means 50 retirement points. This article, Guard And Reserve Retirement explains more.

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True
That fitness isn’t that important
There is the idea that fitness isn’t important in the National Guard and Reserves, but that simply isn’t true. While a service member in the Guard or Reserves won’t go to PT on a daily basis as active duty does, they still have to maintain standards. They will still have PT tests that they need to pass.

That they don’t miss as much

I am not sure why people have the idea that National Guard or Reserve service members don’t miss too much. They can miss plenty. And it seems like anything important will take place during a drill weekend.

Bosses have to give you the time off, so everything is cool

Legally, your boss has to give you the time off you need to go to drills and training as well as deployment. They can’t fire you because of your military service. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be nice about it. Employers have been known to be quite rude about service members having to take time off.

And when it comes down to it, in some cases, these men and women might have to take vacation days when they do have to go somewhere. This means that they don’t have any left for a vacation with their family. This causes all types of frustrations. While there are good employers that value and respect military service, not all of them do, and that can cause a strain on the whole family.

We get all the same military spouse benefits

There are a lot of military spouse benefits out there for those married to those who serve. However, not all are available for the National Guard or Reserve spouse. Things like the spousal preference for finding a job and MYCAA have limitations that can leave us out. That can be frustrating as you are trying to work on your own career around military life.

The National Guard Doesn't Deploy and Other Myths That Are Simply Not True

We shouldn’t miss them because they are only gone for a few weeks

Another idea we hear is that we don’t have a right to miss our spouses because they are only gone a few weeks. The reality is, missing your spouse is missing your spouse. And when you are not used to something happening, it can make it that much harder.

I have been through a 15-month deployment and AT is still really difficult for me. I like having my husband around on a daily basis, and when he is gone, I miss him terribly.

We also need to remember that since National Guard and Reserves can and do deploy bother overseas and within the US, for months at a time, National Guard spouses, as well as Reserve spouses, are missing our loved ones just like active duty does.

That we have a lot of money

Okay look, how much money a National Guard family makes depends on so many things. It depends on what the service member does for a civilian job, what the spouse does for a job, how often they deploy, and at what rank. In some cases, a deployed service member will bring in more than what they would at their civilian job, in other cases less.

That National Guard and Reserves spouses are not real military spouses

Okay, hearing that as a National Guard spouse I am not a real military spouse is frustrating. And it simply isn’t true. While our spouse’s work hours and time in uniform might look a little different, they are still very much a part of the US military. Please don’t question that, or assume we are less than. We are not.

Are you married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves? 

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

by

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

I spent almost 9 years as an active duty army wife, and now it has been over three years since I became a National Guard spouse. I feel like on some levels I have seen both sides. On the other hand, because we live right outside Fort Campbell, a very military town, my life looks a little different from other National Guard and Reserve spouse life.

However, I know that there are some pretty specific struggles and challenges that affect these military spouses. Ones in which active duty spouses might not understand. Ones in which civilian friends might not understand.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Here are some of the struggles and challenges of military spouses married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves:

Not being seen as a military spouse

Being a National Guard or Reserve spouse can make you feel like less than in a sea of other spouses. Our spouses have civilian jobs. Ones that don’t usually require a military uniform. This can be a difficult place to be in as not everything we read about military life applies to us.

For many, the idea of shopping at the Commissary isn’t even something they think much about, the closest one could be a day’s drive away. There is no on-post childcare to take advantage of, and the FRG might be really hard to find, if they even have one. It can be difficult to even find a place within the military spouse online community when National Guard or Reserves life feel so different from what is being portrayed.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Being so far from the military community

Being so far from the military community can be difficult too, especially during a deployment. For many, they might be the only military spouse they know in real life. They are the only ones missing their husband, in a town full of people who just don’t quite understand what that is like.

The advice is to reach out and try to see if there is anyone else in their area with a spouse who serves. And if they can’t find anyone, look online. But even there, most of the groups and pages focus around active duty life. It can be difficult to truly find your people when your numbers are smaller than others.

The truth is, there are plenty of National Guard and Reserves spouses that are looking for community just like you are. They are feeling lonely and also feel that they will never find anyone else who gets it. You are not alone in this at all.

Questioning if programs and discounts apply to them too

When you hear about a military spouse program, or even a military discount, you always have to question if it applies to you too. Not all programs and discounts are for those in the National Guard or Reserves. Some are just for active duty. And knowing this makes us have to question every single one before we apply or ask for the discount.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Drill weekend is lonely, and its okay to say so

Drill weekends are lonely, and usually, that is when Murphy decides to come to the home. Without fail, something always breaks when they are gone. Drill weekends are usually when we have the most activities going on that we could use our spouse home for. Drill weekends get lonely sometimes too.

And while yes, there are benefits to having a weekend alone now and then, it’s okay for a National Guard or Reserves spouse to miss their husband or wife when they are gone. Yes, we are all aware that others have had to be away from their spouses for longer.

The truth is, whether you are married to someone who is active duty or in the National Guard or Reserves, they are going to have to deploy sometimes. And sometimes those deployments are long. They will also go away for trainings and schools, for weeks and sometimes months at a time.

Active duty doesn’t have the claim on missing their spouses. All military spouses experience that at one time or another, and it is best to support one another through it instead of telling another spouse their husband or wife isn’t gone long enough to miss them.

Not quite fitting in at home either

While it can be difficult to fit in with the military community, it can also be difficult to fit in with the civilian one. When your spouse is in the National Guard or the Reserves, they are still serving. They are still apart of that 1%. And sometimes it can be difficult to fit in with people who don’t know anything about that life.

This feeling of not quite fitting in at home can be difficult and frustrating. The best thing to do is to look at your civilian friends and find something in common. Maybe one of them has a spouse that goes away on business trips all the time, maybe another has a spouse with another type of dangerous job. There is common ground there and there are ways to connect, even through your differences.

As a military community, we are stronger together. Whether we are married to someone on active duty, someone in the National Guard or Reserves, or someone that is retired. We can all learn from one another, and help each other through.

Are you married to someone in the National Guard or the Reserves? How long have they been serving?