Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

National Guard

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

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Military Spouse

To the Military Spouse That Does Not Live in a Military Community

Almost three years ago, my husband ended his time in the active duty army and joined the National Guard. In some ways, this was a big change for us. Leaving active duty is a challenge and one that we have had to work through. He no longer wore the uniform on a daily basis, we started paying for Tricare, and PCSing was no longer an option for us.

However, since we decided to stay in the Fort Campbell area, we still live in a military community. Most of my friends are married to someone in the Army, we can shop at the commissary as often as we want to, and I know when my husband deploys again, I will have that local support.

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I am very aware that this is not the norm for a National Guard family.

I know that for some, there is no local military community. Maybe they know a few of the spouses, maybe not. Maybe they have some family that has served, maybe not. Being a part of a military community can be an enjoyable experience, but that isn’t always the case for every military spouse.

Being far removed from the military community can feel like you are walking this road alone, but you are not.

There might not be anyone in your town that you can relate to, but there are plenty of other spouses out there in our country that totally understand.

Whatever challenges you have had to face, whatever frustrations you are having, and however hard a deployment seems, there are others who have been through it too.

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So what can you do when you don’t have access to a local military community?

Look for other military spouses

The truth is, there are other military spouses in your area, you just don’t know who they are. If your spouse’s unit happens to have an FRG, find out when they meet. If you are not sure, start asking around. If you feel you are up to it, ask if you can volunteer.

Check with your local churches and mom groups. See if anyone has any military ties. You never know who is connected with the military or who knows someone who is that can put you in touch. If you live in a bigger city, it’s even possible that there are some military support groups there.

No, you don’t have a local base to go to, but you might be able to find other military spouses you never knew were there.

Go online

When you don’t live in a military community, online is going to be your best friend. There are so many groups on Facebook to search through. There is a National Guard group, a group I started for military spouse support and plenty of other military spouse groups to get connected with.

Sometimes online friends can become your best friends. Through group discussions, private messages, and sharing our struggles, we can connect with each other and find our people. Someday, we can even meet up if life allows us to.

Although you might struggle to find the military spouse community in your local area, the military spouse community is very much active and alive online.

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Find good friends

Sometimes our civilian friends can be our biggest cheerleaders. Maybe they don’t quite understand what we are going through, but that is okay. There are other spouses that might be able to relate to a husband being away and not always being able to be there for us.

Not everyone will understand, and some people will make stupid comments. That part of connecting with people can get old and is very frustrating. But see if you can look beyond that.

Some people mean well and are not trying to make you upset. Others can be your rock through your most difficult times, even if their spouse has never served.

Get involved in your community. Reach out and connect with others. The benefits of doing so will be worth it. There are plenty of people out there that love and support the military and want to help when they can. Let them.

Whether you are a National Guard or Reserve spouse or don’t live in a military community, know that you can find support even if it is just online. That others are going through what you are and that there is beauty in finding good friends.

3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

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3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

In June, it will be two years since my husband left Active Duty Army. He didn’t retire either. He was at 10 years and the day after he joined the National Guard.

After military life Is Over

They say that you miss things once military life is over. I will admit, I didn’t want to believe people when they said this. I knew we were staying in a military town so I knew I would still be able to make friends with others living the military life. I knew that I would still have access to post because of where we lived and our National Guard status. I knew we would still have Tricare and that some of our medical services would not change even if we had to pay for them. I knew all of this and yet at almost two years there are things I miss about active duty life.

Because of where we live most of my friends are married to people in the active duty army. They are living that life. The life we are no longer living. They might live near me and their kids go to the same school mine do but they are in a different part of the military world than I am. They remind me of what I miss.

As I thought about writing this post there were three things that bother me now that active duty life is over:

  • The paycheck– Yes, we miss the paycheck. When you get out of the military as an Infantryman there are only so many things you can do. Even if you do find a job paying exactly the same amount as you did in the military, it is still less then. Why? Because you get taxed on your whole paycheck. In the military, you do not get taxed on your BAH or BAS. You don’t get taxed on deployed income and in some states you don’t have to pay state taxes. Luckily we live in TN so we don’t worry about that here either way. This is something I never saw talked about before we got out but it is something to think about when your spouse is looking for what they will do after the military.
  • Tricare- If your first experience with health care was Tricare, you might not realize how hard it can be to find affordable health care out there in the world. Even if your employer provides it. For us, we have Tricare Reserve Select and pay about $300 a month for our family for Medical and Dental. This was a change from having Tricare Prime for the last ten years. Luckily we have not had any big medical issues since he got out but I am sure we would be paying more out of pocket if we did. Tricare has a lot of issues and can be very frustrating at times but I am going to miss having Tricare when my husband leaves the National Guard. Health insurance is a great benefit that the military receives and deserves so when active duty life is over it can be a challenge to find something else that works.
  • PCS dreams. This feels a bit silly but I miss the dreaming about where we can PCS to next. Yes, it is true you can move anywhere if you are not in the military but that isn’t always easy to do. In military life, you get to live many different places. Sometimes you are happy about those places and sometimes you are not. I will admit that it scares me to think about moving to a place that is not a military community. Where people don’t move all the time, where people have never served and where people don’t get what it is like to go through a deployment. I also think having to say goodbye to people all the time is difficult and I find myself wishing we could go with them. At the end of the day, I know we have a good long term plan and there are quite a few previous military in our area as well as non-military families too. It’s a good place for now.

Getting out of the military can bring up a lot of emotions for both the military member and their spouse. There is a lot to think about and there is a lot you are going to have to go through before you get to a good place.

Has your spouse left the military? What was the hardest part about it for you?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

On Living Near Fort Hamilton In New York City

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On Living Near Fort Hamilton In New York City

Happy to have this guest post by Amanda on living near Ft. Hamilton, in NYC. Please visit myDuty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

After I moved to New York City back in 2001, I was prepared to see the sights… things like Broadway shows, Times Square, museums, just to name a few. When I met my future husband in 2005 and we married in 2008, I was introduced to a whole new world called the Army National Guard. My now husband had been a member of some form of the Reserves and National Guard for over 15 years by then and I was thrown right in with no warning or training. The closest I had ever really been to the Armed Forces was hearing stories of my grandfather who had served in WWII and my best friend from high school, who had previously lived on numerous bases through the world before her father retired from the Army in the early 90’s.

While trying to find my way through the crazy terminology, acronyms, regulations, and ever-changing orders that never seemed to be released in a timely manner, I was introduced to a hidden treasure right in our backyard that I had no idea even existed. After we were married, my husband informed me that I needed to get a dependent military ID. The following weekend we hopped the subway and made our way to a neighborhood called Bay Ridge in Brooklyn, where, to my surprise, stood Fort Hamilton.

Fort Hamilton sits right under the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, which connects Brooklyn to Staten Island, and next to the neighborhood of Bay Ridge in Brooklyn. If you didn’t know an Army base was located there you would never even notice it. But once you do know it is there, there are obvious signs of its presence. For example, the giant American flag that flies over the great lawn and the side-by-side white washed houses that serve as base housing.

Stationed in NYC

As a National Guard family, we don’t have an opportunity to live on base, and we really only go on base if we have a specific need to be there such as our unit’s family day, which is normally held on the great lawn just inside the gates. My husband’s actual home station is the Armory in Manhattan, but Fort Hamilton is a much more comfortable location for the kids to come and run around like crazy people for a couple hours. The view of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge from the great lawn is stunning and I always get a shot of it every time we are there.

Stationed in NYC

In my personal opinion, the general atmosphere is fairly easy going compared to other Army bases that I have visited, such as Fort Dix in New Jersey or West Point in upstate New York. Once you get past the armed guards at the front gates, it almost reminds me of a small college campus than an Army base. We usually end up taking a walk around the grounds just to enjoy the outdoors without fear of being hit by a crazy NYC cab.

Fort Hamilton

Even though it is a smaller base, Fort Hamilton does have many of the same services as the larger bases. Services such as a commissary, Post Exchange, ID services, employment services, dry cleaners, barbershop, and the USO are all available. As a matter of fact, the USO provided entertainment for us at one of our family days. I didn’t catch the name of the group, but they performed all of the WWII favorites. I really wish I had caught Marshall on video because he jumped right up there and was dancing along with them through their whole performance!

Fort Hamilton

Did I mention the barbershop??? You don’t venture on an Army base with your hair too long otherwise you are sent directly to the barbershop!

Fort Hamilton

If you do get the chance to visit Fort Hamilton, prepare for a small town atmosphere in the middle of the big city. In addition, the sights and sounds of New York City are just a quick 20-minute subway ride away!

Amanda Olvera is a true Michigan girl living in New Jersey with her husband, 4 year old son, 3 kitties, and beta fish. She has been a military spouse since 2008 and is still working her way through all the rules, regulations, and balancing her family’s civilian life with that of the National Guard. She works full time as an IT Project Manager in New York City. She recently discovered the crazy world of running and was surprised to find she enjoys it! She also enjoys a good book, which fills the time during her daily commute into the city. She is currently working towards a Masters in Project Management from Stevens Institute of Technology and studying to sit for her PMP certification. She also has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Central Michigan University and a Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice from John Jay College of Criminal Justice. She blogs at The Calm Before The Storm (https://arngspouse.blogspot.com) and you can follow her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/OlveraMarshallFamily) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/Mandakay0625).

Finding New Roads After Military Life

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It’s been almost a year since my husband got out of the Army. It’s been challenging to figure out what we are supposed to do and what the future is going to be for us. We have made a few mistakes along the way and still trying to figure out what needs to happen. After you have been in the Military for a while, you start to take things for granted. Regular paychecks on the 1st and 15th, free Tricare, being a part of the community. When you get out, all of that changes and you have to work on finding new roads.

For us, we needed to figure out what my husband was going to do for a job. In the Army he was in the Infantry and that doesn’t always lead to an equivalent job after the Military. We had to figure out what I would do for a job as I knew I would need to start making more money. We would have to figure out health care which we did by having my husband join the National Guard. There are just a lot of things you have to take care of before they leave the Military.

By working together and keeping the line of communication open, we were able to come up with a basic plan for after he left the Army. Although we are still working on how we want things to be, it has been very helpful to be on the same page. We don’t have expectations that only one of us agrees with. We are both walking the road together.

I know that it might take a few years to get everything the way we want it to be. Change can sometimes take a lot of time. Looking back at everything we have been through the last few years, I know we can find our way to a new future. My husband is also getting used to not being in the Army everyday anymore. It is quite a change to go from that to a Civilian employer.

Speaking of finding new roads, I think no matter where you are in the Military journey, you will always be finding a new way to go. From PCS orders to deployments, there is always something changing and you just have to adapt to your new normal in one way or another.

Chevy Salutes is an amazing program that helps support the Military. It is an awareness and engagement campaign. During the month of May, which is Military Appreciation Month, Chevrolet will be highlighting how america’s Military service members and their families are finding new roads during and after Military service.

Did you know that…?

  • GM employs nearly 5,000 Veterans and has close to 45,000 current retirees working for them.
  • In July of 2014, GM worked with the U.S. Army and Raytheon Company announced the Shifting Gears Automotive Technician Training program. This program provides eligible transitioning Army soldiers with skills to become service technicians at GM dealerships after they return to Civilian life.

You should also take part in this fun Instagram contest with #ChevySalutes & #FindNewRoads. Take a photo of you and your Military family finding new roads. Make sure to tag @msbnewmedia and use #ChevySalutes #FindNewRoads as your hashtags. You have until May 17th to enter!

chevy military discount

How have you and your family found new roads???

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Chevrolet via MSB New Media. The opinions and text are all mine.

What I Miss About Active Duty Life

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What I Miss About Active Duty Life

What I Miss About Active Duty Life

It’s been almost 8 months since my husband ended his Active Duty Army life. We haven’t moved away from Ft. Campbell so we are still surrounded by the Military and since he is in the National Guard we still experience some of that life. We still have Army stuff in our house, we can shop at the Commissary and I go on post several times a week with no issues. However, there are a few things I do miss about life as an active duty Army family. If your spouse has gotten out of the Military, you might miss these as well.

1) On post Housing- We didn’t live on post during all of our time as an active duty family but we did for a few years and a part of me misses it. I liked how everything was close by, how my husband could come home for work, how it made things a little easier when it came to where we lived and the bills we had to pay. When you live off post you do get a little more freedom and it is quieter but you also give up more of the convenience of it. With my husband no longer being active duty, living on post isn’t an option anymore. That chapter is forever closed.

2) Healthcare– Now that we are a Guard family, our healthcare is a little bit different. We still get Tricare, just a different type. After almost 9 years of Tricare Prime, it was hard to get that first bill for a doctor’s appointment. At the same time, I am thankful for the healthcare I do have because I know it could be a lot worse. I am thankful that we were able to be on Tricare Prime when I was pregnant, having babies, taking them to doctor’s appointments every few months and needing the ABA services that we received. I think it would be a lot harder to do that now, with the insurance we now have.

3) Upcoming PCS– Although we are technically free to move away from this area whenever we want, we can’t do so until we have a plan that will work. Sometime I think about PCSing out of here. Of having the Army come, pack us up and take us on our next journey. Of researching the next post. Of asking questions about what it is like there and what services they offer. It will never be like that again for us. Sometimes I miss when that was possible. I see friends heading off to new places and part of me wishes we were too.

I know once we move away from here I will miss even more about Army life. I will miss all my Army wife friends. The ladies that know what it is like to do it all alone for months at a time. The other women that get how beautiful a homecoming is or how hard waiting for orders can be. The friends that get the frustration that comes with waiting for promotions, days with no communication with your husband and having to explain to your child why Daddy isn’t going to be home for a while. I will miss all of that so much. I am thankful that I haven’t had to give all of that up quite yet.

I am sure that when the time comes to say goodbye to the Army once and for all, it will be quite emotional. I am thankful that we are doing it this way. Saying goodbye to some of Military life without having to shut the door on it completely. I know that day will come and it will be bittersweet.

What about you? What do you think you will miss about Military life? What do you miss if your spouse has gotten out?

What I Have Learned About Having A Husband In The National Guard

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What I Have Learned About Having A Husband In The National Guard


We are now three months into Guard life. So far that hasn’t meant too much as Ben has only had a couple of drills. However, I have learned some things I didn’t know. There were a few things I assumed about the Guard that I found out worked a little differently than I thought they would. I also almost titled this post, “What I Have Learned About Having A Husband In The National Guard: Part One” because I know that I will learn even more as the months go on.

So here goes:

1)How much you get paid.I assumed that every time Ben had drill, he would get paid the amount that is stated on some of the pay calculators. This is not true. They get paid by the amount of drill periods they complete. Each period is 4 hours. So if he works for 8 hours he would get two drill periods worth of pay. This is of course less than the full amount of pay we were thinking it would be.

2)How long they are gone on a monthly basis.When I used to hear people talk about drill weekends, I thought that meant they left Friday and you saw them again Sunday. Now I am sure this probably happens but it hasn’t been our experience so far. He has had two one day drills. As I look at the upcoming calendar I see a mix of different types of “drill weekends.” I really didn’t realize it would be like that. And even the first day he was gone I assumed he would walk in the door at 11pm that night. That didn’t happen although I am sure it could in the future.

3)That drill can be cancelled.This hasn’t happened to us yet but I have been hearing that it has been happening in other states. I knew it had happened during the shutdown but I didn’t know it can sometimes happen during this time of year for budget reasons.

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4)How often they go.Once again, when I heard that, “Once a month” phrase, I thought it would be once a month exactly. That they would go the 1st weekend of every month. But,that is not true either. It is all over the place. Sometimes we have a few weeks in-between and other times it is a lot longer. It just depends on when the drill is scheduled for.

5)That I would slip right back into Army Wife Mode when he leaves.This is the weirdest thing for me. Even though I know he is only gone one-two days, I feel different on those days then I do during the rest of the month. Why? My husband is off doing something with the Army. It isn’t so much that I am sad or upset, I don’t exactly feel that way, it is more that I am reminded of times past. Of when he used to go away while he was active duty. It is probably because during the rest of the month, he is not in Army mode. He grows out his hair, I don’t see his uniform, we don’t deal with units or any of that. Then he gets ready for drill each month and it is reminder to me that he is still serving his country in this way. So I am sure the back and forth of it will take some getting used to.

Is your spouse in the Guard or the Reserves? What has surprised you about it? What about Active duty life? What did you assume before you became a Military spouse?

Thoughts On My Last Week As An Active Duty Army Spouse

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Eight days. That is all we have left as an active duty family. The day after we will officially be a National Guard family. Talk about a change.

It seems weird. We have been waiting for this day for a while now and here it is just a week away.

I think back on the last 8.5 years and everything we have been through.

20120413-IMG_7430We started this journey in November 2005 when I dropped Ben off at the recruiting office in Lexington, Kentucky. We had one little 13 month old boy and no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It seems so strange thinking about life back then. We had been married a little over three years at that time and we knew life was going to seriously change. We were just not sure how.

We knew that it would take a while for Daniel and I to join Ben in Germany. We had no idea it would take 4.5 months and too many tears to get over there. Joining the Military right before Thanksgiving is not the best plan.

Once we made it over there, we were in for quite the adventure. Not only did we have to figure out what Military life was like (it was all new to me) but we had to figure out how to live in Germany. On top of all that I was pregnant.

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Within a few months of getting to Germany we were getting ready to say goodbye to Ben for his first deployment. We assumed it would be a year. In the end it was 15 months and very difficult for us. Luckily there was an amazing support system of Military spouses and somehow we made it through. During those 15 months I really learned what it meant to be an Army wife. I knew how hard it was to be away from my husband. I knew how hard it was to be the only parent in the house. I gave birth without my husband next to me and somehow figured out how to be Mom and Dad to two very small children for a very long time.

It was then I thought things would get easier. That deployments would be easier. That because I made it through that, I could make it through anything. In some ways this is very true. Had I started my life as an Army wife with a more simple and shorter deployment, would I have had the strength to get through others? It is hard to say. It is hard to know if that 15 month deployment wore me down too much or made me stronger. I might not ever know.

After that deployment we ended up moving from Schweinfurt to Graf in Germany. That was such a nice change. It was then I learned that not all Military housing is the same. He didn’t change rank, we just moved and they totally upgraded us. We went from a 3rd floor stairwell apartment into a brand new 4 bedroom duplex. And even though it was a duplex, it didn’t feel like it. We hardly heard our neighbors.

At pretty much the 365 day mark after Ben got back from his deployment, he left again. He was going to Iraq a second time. This deployment ended up being 11 months. It also made it so we had to stay in Germany a little longer. This was frustrating because as amazing as Germany was, we were ready to go back to the US.

Once he was home we went on one final trip. A MediterraneanCruise. We never would have been able to go on this trip and I am so glad we did it. We got to see 7 countries on this trip too.

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We moved back to the US in March of 2010 heading straight to Ft. Campbell on the KY/TN border. We decided we did not want to live on post here and found a rental. Ben got into his unit and I got pregnant with our 3rd child. Then we heard the news that his unit would be deploying at the end of that summer. Since he had just returned in November, he was able to stay back until at least then. I was due December 1st and it kept going back and forth as far as when he would leave. He ended up not going anywhere until February which gave us 15 months in between deployments.

When he returned from that 5.5 month deployment, we bought a house in Clarksville, Tennessee. At the time we didn’t know what our future would be with the Military but we knew we would be here until 2014 and we knew there was a good chance we could stay longer than that. Deciding whether to buy a house when you are in the Military can be a hard choice but we decided it was the best one for us.

It was in the time between our 3rd deployment and 4th that we decided it was time for Active Duty Army life to end for us. There were several different reasons for this. I honestly didn’t think we would have a 4th deployment. It kept going back and forth. At one point he was pulled from the list because he was getting out. Then, with two weeks to go, he was told he was deploying after all.

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This crushed me. I am not sure if it was because I thought we were done with deployments, if I had just done too much in too short amount of time or if I was just tired with everything and it was the last thing I wanted to deal with. I don’t know but that 4th deployment was my hardest. Don’t get me wrong, they were all hard but the last one was pretty brutal on me emotionally.

Somehow time passed and we got through it. He came home a week before Christmas.

Since then we have been preparing for ETSing from the Army. He isn’t retiring. He isn’t getting medically discharged, he is just ETSing.

As I look at the past and the future, I know the last 8.5 years have changed me in a lot of ways. Somethings are easier for me to deal with and others are harder.

I am not sure what the National Guard life will be like. I am going into it without that many expectations. It will be so different from what we have been through the last 8.5 years but at the same time we will still be apart of the Army family. It will be a change and hopefully for the better.

From Active Duty To National Guard

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Joining the national guardLast week we made a change to our plans. Ben enlisted in the National Guard. People have asked us if this was planned and that is a hard question to answer.

Before Ben’s last deployment we had talked about it. We knew it would help with health insurance and just allowing us some extra security. However, as the last deployment started I just felt like I couldn’t stand the thought of another deployment.

We decided against it but both of us still wondered if maybe it was the way to go. I just kept coming back to the deployment thing. Lately I had been thinking about it more but I didn’t say anything to Ben. It was just in the back of my mind.

Last week, Ben called me from work to ask if it would be worth joining under certain circumstances. I told him I wasn’t sure but it did sound like it would help with a lot of what we were trying to figure out in our post Army future.

We made the decision to go for it. At first it felt surreal. The last couple of months I have been saying goodbye to army life. From the commissary to the PX to the ease of getting on post. I was worried about healthcare and losing Tricare. I was getting ready to call around to get our new healthcare set up.

He has his first drill in July. We will get new ids. We will still be able to go on post. Living in a Military town, that will be nice.

It is funny how things can change in one day.

Any of my readers National Guard spouses?