Dealing With Jealousy When You Are A Military Spouse
During my time as a military spouse, I have experienced a variety of emotions. Happiness during homecoming. Sadness during a deployment. Getting excited about a new duty station or promotion. Loneliness when a friend moves away. There are a lot of different emotions we feel during the time that our spouse is serving in the Military. One emotion that we can feel, even if we don’t want to, is jealousy.
This can happen when you least expect it. Jealousy can happen over a deployment schedule, a promotion, a pcs or just life in general. You can be happy for someone and still feel that green-eyed monster creep up. It can be hard when you are waiting for something to happen, and it happens to someone else first.
I have felt this way over the years. I feel bad when I do. I have felt this way when I felt like my husband was always deploying and others were not. I have felt this way when waiting for my husband to get a promotion. I have felt this way when someone else seemed to be holding it together better than I was. I have felt this way over little silly things that I would never want to share with anyone.
Jealousy happens, but it is what we do with it that matters.
One big lesson I have learned over the last ten years is that the Military isn’t fair. Some people deploy more than others. Promotions don’t always happen even if it feels like they should and some people get better duty stations then others. Sometimes you are going to be surrounded by good friends and other times you will be the lonely one still trying to make new friends since you old friends moved away. It is one big cycle.
Some years are going to be better than others. That is the nature of Military life.
If you are feeling jealous of someone else, know that it can happen, especially in Military spouse life when we know so much about what other people are doing. When our community is so small. Maybe your husband just left again, and theirs just got home, and that is causing you to feel jealous. Think about the times when you were experiencing what they were. Think about how you will be in their place in the future. Try not to let it get to you and remember that by the time you are getting ready for homecoming, they could be getting ready to send their spouse off again.
Think about everything you have and how lucky you are. Remember that even if it feels like everyone else has more than you do, others have less. There is always someone going through something worse.
Try not to let jealousy rule you. Focus on what is going well in your life and work on what you don’t like. Let go of anything you don’t have control over. It simply isn’t worth your energy if you can’t do anything about it anyway.
Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you do about it when the green-eyed monster hits?
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Last Updated on December 17, 2020 by Julie Provost
Amanda
Interesting read. Since we’ve never been active, I’m only around military families maybe a couple times a year… but what starts to happen is the jealousy also starts to creep in the civilian life. It always seems like my husband has a drill weekend or training or AT during some important function in our son’s like. And let’s not talk about the natural disasters! My husband was activated during hurricane Irene (4 days), Superstorm Sandy (2 weeks) and Winter Storm Nemo (2 days). Even though he is considered a part time soldier, he has missed countless family vacations, school functions and 2 of Marshall’s 4 birthdays. You get jealous of the other fathers who make it to every school performance and playdate. And you get angry when you hear about the ones who just don’t come when they have every opportunity to because they don’t know what it is like to NOT be able to be there for your kid. It is hard but you just have to be an adult and deal with it.
Julie-Soldier'sWife,Crazy Life
Yes, that is so hard too 🙁
Jodi Strauch
As a sub spouse, it’s pretty easy to feel jealous when a surface friend talks about TALKING to her deployed sailor. That just doesn’t happen for us … neither does, Skype or Facetime or (on our boat) awesome port calls. I try to remind myself that every kind of deployment has its ups and downs.
Julie-Soldier'sWife,Crazy Life
Oh yes I can imagine. It is always so hard when you can’t talk to your husband and others can.
Boot Chic Mom
Hello, this is an interesting blog topic to reply to. I’m in the military, so maybe this is a little bit of a different perspective. I get jealous from military stay-at- home spouses. Specifically, that they can be involved in the kid’s school events, volunteer as a class mom, how close the military spouses are to each other, and they seem much more at ease with their children. I know I chose the life to be in the military, but I guess the grass always looks greener on the other side. Thanks for sharing this topic.
BCM
http://www.Bootchicmom.com
Julie-Soldier'sWife,Crazy Life
That is true too. There really is always something we could be jealous about and I bet there are things people are jealous of us about.
lilia elena
I get jealous but I try to replace jealousy with gratitude. For example, I got a little bit jealous when people posted pictures of their families celebrating Christmas together, while I was working nights and holidays as a rookie FED…however instead of feeling jealous, I replaced it with thoughts of gratitude about having a job that I love that will move hubby and I back to my his hometown upon his retirement (in 2.5 years), a wonderful husband who is supportive of me and my crazy life style, and how my friends and family stood by my side no matter how busy and eventful my life has gotten…and of course if jealousy truly takes over, I turn to bible because for me prayer is always an answer
Julie-Soldier'sWife,Crazy Life
That is such a great way to handle it. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Victoria Terrinoni
Early on in my husband’s career, he went to France. He called and told me about the ”best crepes I’ve ever had.” My response, ”Yeah, well we’re having hotdogs and mac and cheese.” Jealousy comes in many strange forms.