The military spouse, the one who has chosen to stand beside a soldier, a marine, an airman, a coastie, a guardian, or a sailor. To go with them from place to place. To support them through their career choice, and beyond.
The military spouse, whose dreams of married life probably looked a little different than they are now. She thought they could buy a house down the street from her family. He thought she would always be home with him. The military spouse, whose reality is far from the expected.
The military spouse, who finds herself on an airplane with a toddler, traveling to her new home in Germany. The military spouse, whose children will be born in three different states, and two different countries. The military spouse, who gave birth with her mom by her side, instead of her partner, wishing things didn’t have to be this way.
The military spouse is told she or he is strong, but the truth is, sometimes we don’t feel that way. Sometimes we feel like we weren’t cut out to make it in this life. Sometimes we feel like the burden is too heavy, and the stress is too much.
We see how much our spouse loves what they do, whether it is going to the desert, or living on a ship. Whether it is flying an airplane, or working as a mechanic. Whatever they do in the military, we know this was the right choice, and we want to stand by their decision, even if doing so is hard.
When you marry someone who wants to serve their country by serving in the military, you also have to know that you have married someone that will have a unique job. You will have to understand that many of your friends might not get the life.
“Why can’t you guys come home for Christmas?”
“Can’t he tell them he doesn’t want to go?”
But you figure out pretty quickly that this military life is your life. And while your civilian friends might not be able to relate to everything you are going through, you know that they can be there for you, just like you can be there for them, for whatever they are going through.
The military spouse will have to go days, weeks, and even months apart from your loved one. And for some, even years. We have to solo parent, making decisions alone that would normally be made by both parents. We have to step in and step up when it isn’t always easy to do so.
The military spouse finds themselves on a journey they couldn’t have dreamed of. We find ourselves having all these adventures, from living down the street from an actual castle to finding friends that are more like family, going through life together, even if it is virtually.
The military spouse lives their military life the best way they can. Not all military spouses are the same, and we all bring our individual likes and dislikes, personalities, and gifts to the community. We can help one another out, be the community we need, and grow through our challenges together.
The military spouse is a part of a community that goes beyond anything they could have imagined. Because of this life a military spouse can say they literally have friends around the world.
The military spouse may have to wait, and that is always a difficult thing to do. But they also get to say hello again, running into their lover’s arms. They can grow through the challenges, and can find unique and creative ways to get through the deployments and other times part.
The military spouse may have to move every few years. That is not going to be easy to do. But by doing so they can learn about different parts of the country and world. They can bloom where they are stationed, and create and find community wherever they go.
The military spouse is the heart of the home. The constant in the changing waters of military life. The one who tries to pull everything all together.
The military spouse doesn’t always feel strong but can find ways to get through it all. Taking each challenge day-by-day, and reminding themselves that this is their life, and it can be a good one, filled with lots of fun memories, seasons of growth, and many amazing friends.
joyce kilday
let’s see, I was a military spouse, for several years, like about 21 years the first few years we were married, it was like 6 years before we spent a Christmas together, one line I would hear every now and then if the Army wanted you to have a wife the Army would have issued you one. My husband died of a service-connected death, we were stationed at FT Ord CA. he had been in the military for 24 years it was 1985 and I sure miss the military life.