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The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

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The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

“You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have…Military life?” Totally! You see as hard as military life can be sometimes, as stressful as this life can be, there are good things that can happen. Great and wonderful things worth talking about. Here is my list of the 5 best things that can happen to a military spouse.

Getting Stationed Where You Want

There is nothing better than getting the notice that you get to PCS where you want to go. Whether that is a beloved overseas location or just being able to live an hour from home. You feel like you won the jackpot. So many times in your spouse’s career you won’t get what you want but when you do it is a good feeling.

So if you do get those orders, throw a party and start researching your new home. Don’t feel guilty and enjoy this. You never know where else the military will send you and this might be the one time you get to be excited about it.

Deployment Gets Cancelled

This hasn’t ever happened to us. It might be a unicorn but deployments will get moved around and sometimes they might even get cancelled. Or your find out your spouse doesn’t have to go. If you are in pre-deployment mode and are trying to come to terms with having to say goodbye, a cancelled deployment will make your day.

You will want to shout from the rooftops and celebrate the fact that things can be magical, even in military life. And if you are one of those spouses that has been waiting for years for your husband to deploy, consider yourselves lucky.

Amazing Housing

For the first two years we were in Germany we were in a two bedroom stairwell apartment. It was a nice little home but we outgrew the space quickly. We moved to another post in Germany and were given a four bedroom duplex. I remember when we first got there and I walked through the house, I cried.

The house was lovely and so spacious compared to what we had before. We had our own laundry room and two yards. It was amazing. If you have ever been in not so great military housing you know how awesome it can be when you love your new housing. Loving your home you really didn’t have much of a say in is a great feeling.

Making Best Friends

When you go through a deployment with someone or spend a lot of time with them trying to navigate the waters of military life, you become close. Closer than you would otherwise. You will make some of your best friends during your time as a military spouse.

They might move away, you might move away, but you will always have your memories of the time you spent together. You will always have a friend to visit or to call when you are having a bad day. Whenever I ask myself if it was a good idea for my husband to join the military, I think about the people I have met during this life and know I would not be the same without them.

Finding Purpose in The Military Spouse Community

Whether you are a big part of the FRG, whether you found a great career on post or whether you are the neighborhood planner, finding purpose in the military community is a great feeling. Knowing that you are able to give back and help people is such a good thing.

How you find that purpose will look a little different for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t find it. You might feel lost when you first move to a new duty station but as time goes on you will figure it out. And once you have figured it out, it is one of the best feelings in the world.

What amazing things have happened to you during your time as a military spouse?

21 Budgeting Tips for Military Families For a Better Financial Life

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21 Budgeting Tips for Military Families For a Better Financial Life

Money money money! Money can be quite a hot topic. When it comes to our finances, we want our money to work for us but sometimes that is a difficult thing to do. As a military family, you may be feeling pressure from a PCS that cost you a little too much, or the loss of a job or other source of income you were depending on.

Although there is a 5.2% pay raise coming in 2024 for members of the military, having and sticking to a budget is super important. It is the best way to know where your money is going, and how much you actually have to spend.

Here are 21 budgeting tips for military families for a better financial life:

1. The #1 budgeting tip would be to of course have a budget. You need to know exactly how much money you and your spouse are bringing in and exactly what you will be spending your money on, including how much you will put in savings. This will give you a clear picture of your finances.

2. Keep a detailed record of all of your spending. Those little trips to Target can add up. Keeping track of what you are spending your money on is a must.

3. Set some financial goals. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do in the future. Do you want to save for a house? A new car? Pay off debt? Talk about what your focus will be.

4. Compare the cost of housing. While you might want to live off post, would living on post save you more money in the future? Is that savings worth it? Would living on your military instillation allow you to save for your house that much sooner?

5. Remember your budget when shopping for groceries. The food budget can get quickly out of hand without proper planning. What are your options for grocery shopping? Can the Commissary save you money? What about clipping coupons?

6. Watch the eating out. While eating out can be a lot of fun, it’s also really expensive. Even fast food can cost a family $50 a trip. Yikes!

7. Use military discounts. Yes, you can save between 10-30% at places that offer military discounts. Check out my Big List of Military Discounts for ideas.

8. Shop thrift stores and consignment shops. You can find all sorts of things from clothing to books to toys at thrift stores and consignment shops. You can also take your old items to consignment shops to make a little extra money. Check and see what is available in your own city and plan a shopping trip.

9. Look for low-cost and free things to do at your duty station. Most duty stations have events going on throughout the year. They can be a lot of fun and you can find some free things to do with your kids.

10. Is your spouse deployed? Are they bringing home extra money? Make sure you make a plan of what you will do with it. Ideally, you can save and pay off debt. However, you may need to budget for extra expenses such as having a baby or getting ready for a PCS. Talk things over so you are on the same page.

11. Coupon. Use coupons at the grocery store, when you go out to eat, and at different stores you need to go to. Most people get coupons in the mail. See which ones work for you and your family and trade with friends.

12. Learn new skills. When it comes to keeping up your home, see what you can do yourself. Use Youtube to get ideas on affordable projects.

13. Review your subscription services. Did you sign up for one when it was only $5.99 a month and now it’s double that? Are you paying $15 a month for a streaming service your family doesn’t really watch anymore? Do an audit of your all your subscriptions to see if you can cut any and to make sure you are only paying for the ones you really want.

14. Save a bit from each paycheck for birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays you may need extra money for. When the time comes you will have money to spend and won’t have to stress as much.

15. Check into side gigs. Can you Door Dash? Drive for Uber? Mow lawns? There are lots of little side jobs you can add if you are able to in order to make some extra money.

16. Look into Financial Readiness classes at your duty station. For example, the Army’s Financial Readiness Program (FRP) is available at every Army post. It provides classes and counseling on saving money, investing, getting out of debt, and more.

17. Look into The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. Because of the act you may reduce some of your debt’s interest rates to 6%, postpone a foreclosure, defer your taxes, get protection against eviction, and more.

18. Work to get out of debt. Pay more than the minimum and avoid using credit cards when you can.

19. Use banking tools for extra savings. If you bank with USAA, they have a fun savings tool where they take a random amount from your checking account between $1-$9 a few times a week and put it in your savings account. This adds up and before you know it you will have $100 saved. They also send your text messages with updates, and little fun facts and jokes.

20. Use your library. Libraries have so much to offer the community. From books, to movies, to free events. Don’t sleep on what your local library has to offer.

21. Have an emergency savings fund. $1,000 is a good amount to shoot for. You want to have something you can use in case a car breaks down, something needs to be fixed in your house, or any other extra expense comes up.

As military families, we are used to the unknown. But, we should know where our money is going and how we are spending it. That way we can work to achieve our goals and live the life we want to live.

What are your favorite budgeting tips?

12 Ways to Know You Have Been a Military Spouse for a Really Long Time

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I used to be the brand new spouse. The whole military thing was all new to me. I can remember standing on post as a group of soldiers walked by and telling myself, wow, this is really my life now. It was surreal at the time, but now it wouldn’t phase me.

But over the years I have grown, learned, and moved from a brand new military spouse to a more seasoned one.

And wow, I have learned a lot!

Do you feel like you are a seasoned spouse too? Here is how you know you have been a military spouse for a really long time…:)

#1 You know what all those three-letter words mean. MWR, DoD, TDY, and MOS to name a few. And then, just when you think you have them all memorized, you discover a new one. Those military acronyms always keep you on your toes.

#2 You hear someone hasn’t spoken to their spouse in 24 hours and you think back to your first deployment when you would go weeks without a word.

#3 You don’t start really looking into a new duty station until orders are in hand. Just because they say you are moving somewhere doesn’t mean it will happen.

#4 You no longer write in pen. You have been burned in the past and wonder what took you so long to invest in some really nice pencils.

#5 You know those deployment dates are really just suggestions. Both the coming and the going. They can and do change at any time.

#6 Your family knows the drill. No, you don’t know when you can visit again. No, you can’t tell them when they are coming home from the deployment. No, you don’t know when you will be moving back to the States.

#7 You know that being due with a baby doesn’t mean your spouse will be able to come home early from a deployment. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. Military spouses do give birth without their spouse by their side.

#8 You avoid the Commissary on payday at all costs. It’s not worth waiting in line for 3 hours. I am only kind of kidding about that.

#9 You have a PCS system down. You know how to make your to-do list and your moving day schedule and put it all together in a PCS binder. Or maybe you don’t because you don’t use one because you have done this 100 times.

#10 You have friends all over the world. Yes, quite literally, across the globe.

#11 You know pre-deployment will be stressful, and you know post-deployment will be too. But when you are headed to pick up your spouse after a deployment, you still get butterflies.

#12 You know who Murphy is, and you hate him. You never invite him in, but he always shows up. You are never surprised.

Military life is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad. We have to laugh about it sometimes and power through others. Taking the journey, one day at a time.

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

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I remember the day well. My mom was watching my 18-month-old son and I was waiting at my apartment for the movers to come. It was moving day for our very first PCS. We were headed to Germany and the day had finally come for the movers to start packing up all of our belongings overseas. It would be about six weeks before we would see our stuff again.

I was not a stranger to moving. By this point, I had probably moved about 12 or 13 times in my life, most of them before having kids or even being married. I would take a few weeks to pack up my stuff and then friends would come over and help me move. Then I would spend a few weeks unpacking.

This was different. We were moving to a new country and the Army was going to do it for us. I would not have to pack up all of my stuff. I would not have to look for boxes. I would have movers come over to my house and do it for me. Bliss.

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

We have done two military moves and a move of our own since then. Moving is for the birds! I would rather not but as a military family you sometimes don’t have a choice. You will pcs and you might do so every 3 years or so.

There is a lot of stress associated with a PCS. You will have a lot to do and a lot to decide about. You will need to see if you want to do a DITY move or have the military move you. People are divided on this. Some want to do the move themselves, others don’t mind if the military does it for them. After moving myself so many times in my life I would always be happy for the military to move me. We have always had a good experience. That being said, not everyone does. There are reports of things being damaged, things being lost and things being stolen. You really have to decide what you want to do and what you can deal with.

After deciding how you actually want to move, you have to do all the rest of the things to get ready for your PCS. You need to plan, even if you are not a planner. You need to know what is going on and what dates things need to happen.

Here are 21 tips for a better military PCS:

1. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t want or don’t use. Plan a day or two to go through your whole house and donate or sell as much as you can. You don’t want to go over your weight limit. We did once and had to pay about $250 for that mistake.

2. Feed the movers. If you have movers, make sure to offer them food and water. They will usually appreciate it. We did have movers once that didn’t want the pizza we got for them but they did love the Oreos so you never know.

3. Prepare to be without your stuff. When we moved 2 hours away we only had to be without our stuff for a few days but overseas moves can take six weeks or even longer. Sometimes moves within the US take time too. And there could be reasons why your stuff will need to be stored for a while. Make plans for this. Especially if you have kids. There are certain things they will need.

4. Label everything. It’s a good idea to label which room everything goes in. Some people get really into this and color code every room. I love this idea. That makes it so much easier to unpack later on. You can put notes up where you want your things so they end up in the right spot. If you want you can also have them put together your furniture such as beds and dressers. This will save you a lot of time.

5. Make a binder. You should have a binder or folder with everything you need for your move. You should keep your to-do lists in there as well as any important documents. You want to have everything with you at all times, no matter where you are moving to.

6. Put aside what you don’t want to be packed. Make sure to clear out one room and put all the things you don’t want to be packed in that room. Then lock the door. That way the movers can’t accidentally pack anything.

7. Save money. Save as much as you think you will need and double that amount. No really. Moving always costs more than you think it will, even if it is a military move. You will need to eat out more often, you will need to buy things at your new place, you will need to have that extra in your bank account.

8. Take the important stuff with you. If you are driving to your new duty station, take all your most important things with you in the car. When we moved overseas it was a bit harder to do this and I was so worried about a few things but if you can take them in a car, do so. Then you know they will be safe.

9. Take a House-Hunting trip. If you can, go out to your new duty station for a house hunting trip. It is so helpful to be able to see where you might live in person first. If you can’t do this and you know people at your next duty station, see if they wouldn’t mind going by potential places and taking photos for you. That way you can get a better sense of your choices. Sometimes you don’t get a chance to look until you actually get there.

10. Take photos before movers come. Take photos of everything important before the movers get there. That way, if there is any damage you have a record of what it looked like before the movers came.

11. Research schools. One mistake we made moving here is we did not double check on which school our house was zoned for. In some areas, the most logical school isn’t always the correct one. Even though there was a school in the neighborhood we were renting in, we were zoned for another one.

12. Rent vs Buy vs On post. You will probably have to decide if you want to rent, buy a home or live on post at your new duty station. Sometimes you have to live on post as there is no off-post housing. Other times on post is booked so you have to go off. You should think about if you should buy a house or not and base that on if you want the responsibility or if buy a house makes sense for your situation.

PCSIng

13. Empty your trash. If you don’t, the movers will pack it. Trust me, they will. And who wants to find 6-week-old trash in their new home?

14. Have someone watch your kids. If you can, have someone watch your kids when the movers come. This will make life easier for you, especially if you have toddlers. You can watch the movers and just chill and not have to worry about kids getting in the way. If you do have to have your kids home, keep them in a separate cleared out room while the movers are doing their thing.

15. Book your hotel. Once you know when you will be getting into town, book your hotel. That way you won’t have to worry about having a place to stay.

16. Use good materials. If you are moving yourselves, use the good stuff. You don’t want your boxes falling apart on you.

17. Keep all bedding together. That way when it is time to get your new bed set up, everything you need is all right there. You don’t have to go searching for it.

18. Don’t go crazy at your new duty station, especially coming back from overseas. When we first got to Ft. Campbell from Germany we wanted to go to all the places we had missed. This adds up and you simply can’t afford to do this. Remember, you will be at your new duty station for a while, you don’t have to see and do everything that first week.

19. Ship your car. If you will be shipping your car, make sure you understand what they want you to do to get the car ready to ship. The car needs to be very clean with very little gas. I have heard of people having to drive around the shipping location to get the gas amount low enough to turn in.

20. Plan for your pets. If you are taking pets with you on a PCS, make sure you plan for them too. Think about how they will get to your new location and what you will need to do. If you are going overseas shipping them can be complicated but people do PCS overseas with their pets. You can too if your location allows for you to do so.

21. Enjoy the journey. It is way too easy to get stressed out about a PCS and you will probably break down in tears a few times. Think about where you are headed and what the experience has been like for you. Think about all the memories you have made at your current location and all the fun things you can do at your new duty station. As hard as a PCS is, as difficult as the process might be, you will get to your new duty station and be able to enjoy your new home.

You can learn more about the area you are moving or find a realtor by checking out PCSGrades. They are such a great resource for anyone that is PCSing and getting ready to move to their next duty station.

Are you getting ready for a PCS? What would you add to this list?

The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

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The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

These are the stages of a Military PCS

PCS season is around the corner and life is getting quite hectic for quite a few military families. Although it has been a while since our family has gone through a military PCS, I remember the process and how stressful and crazy everything can be.

1. Bored and ready to move

After you have been at your duty station for two or three years, you probably start to feel ready to make a change. You know you are going to be moving this year, you want to know where, and you are ready to start the process.

2. Soft orders, start planning

You hear where you are going to go. If you are happy with this choice, you are worried that will change. If you are not, you are praying it will. You still need to be patient to wait for the physical orders before any of your PCS dreams (or nightmares) can come true.

3. Orders change

Your orders have changed. You assumed you would be spending the next three years in Hawaii, sorry, it’s El Paso. There is still a chance they could change again, but you aren’t holding out much hope. Try to just go with the flow and to not worry too much about the changes until things become set in stone.

4. Hard orders cut, it’s for real

Okay, you are going to this duty station. This is for real. Time to start your planning. You start asking in your local Facebook groups and Google all things about your new duty station. This is an exciting time, but then you start to feel a bit overwhelmed.

5. Stressed out with all you have to do

There is so much to do with a PCS. So many lists to make. So much to get done beyond your everyday lives. Make sure to create some system for everything you have to do and all the paperwork you need. Starting a PCS binder can be a very good idea but you can also just make sure you have a safe place for everything that is easy to take with you on the plane or in your car.

6. Get organized and plan

This is the stage where you decide if you want to live on base or not. If you want to live off, where you should find a house. Should you rent or buy? What about the schools? Take your time and try to relax about this part. There is going to be a lot of information out there and some of it, you can wait until after you are moved to figure it all out. Check out PCSGrades for reviews on different areas near where you will be moving.

7. Movers come, stuff goes

The day has come for the movers to pack up all of your earthly goods. Make sure to get your movers some lunch and offer snacks. They will appreciate it. Don’t pack your trash and make sure anything you want to take with you is safely locked in your car or a room the movers won’t go in.

8. All those last-minute things

It wouldn’t be a PCS without all the last-minute things you will need to do. From cleaning out your home to making sure you have turned in all those library books before you leave. Reward yourself with a Starbucks or a cupcake after you get everything done. And breathe.

9. Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye to friends is the worst. Try to say, “see you later.” Make sure you are connected on Facebook, that is where your friends will now live. Enjoy the last few days you have together and remember, the military is a small world and you could get stationed together again someday.

10. Physically moving

Now it’s time to either leave for the airport or get in your car to drive away from your home for the last 2-4 years. Adventure awaits, and once you reach this step, you start to feel like everything is going to work out. Remember to bring plenty of snacks and make sure you leave time for pee breaks if you are driving, especially if you have small children.

11. Hotel living

We were lucky, and the longest we had to stay in a hotel was a week. Others have to stay in them for much longer to wait for housing. Try to be creative with planning your hotel stay and remember, eventually, you will live in an actual house, with a real kitchen and no hotel keys.

12. Your stuff is here

Yay! Your stuff is here, you have moved into your new home and life is about it get much better. No more sleeping on an air mattress and your son finally gets to play Xbox again.

13. Unpacking hell

Time to unpack and unpack and then spend more time unpacking. Just get it done. All of it. You will be glad you did.

14. Make new friends

Now that you are at your new duty station, time to make new friends. This can be difficult but putting yourself out there is a must. Start with just saying hi to a neighbor or going to a playgroup with your kids. Making friends will take time but once you do you will feel more at home no matter where you are stationed.

15. Relax in your new home

Whether you are in a 3rd story two-bedroom apartment in Germany or have bought your first ranch house outside of Ft. Carson, enjoy your new home. This will be where you will live for the next few years. Bloom where you are stationed even if you are sad to be there. Adventures await!

If you are going through a PCS right now, what stage are you in?

The Rocky Road Ahead For a Military Spouse

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The Rocky Road Ahead

She is standing there, looking at the rocky road ahead, unsure what is next and what the future will look like. Such is the life of a military spouse.

He got his orders and is packing his bags, how are we doing this again? How is it time?

She promises she will be strong, she has done this before, she can do it again. She will conquer this rocky road ahead.

He has heard the rumors, but now he knows they are true.

She will be leaving soon, a few months earlier than they thought. How will he make it through this deployment? The one he thought he would be prepared for, but now feels like it never will be. That rocky road ahead.

As military spouses around the world know, there is good and there is bad when it comes to military life. There are the highs and there are the lows. There are easier times and times when it feels like the road is a little too rocky. When it feels like it is a little too much to endure.

We do what we can when we are faced with this rocky road. We depend on our friends and hope and pray they will understand all the emotions we might have in the next few months.

We work to stay busy but sometimes even that isn’t enough. And sometimes the busy is what causes the stress, and we have to pull back. We have to work to find that balance that seems almost impossible to find.

We pull the tools we have used in the past out of our deployment tool kit and pray they will work again. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don’t.

We want to believe we can get through anything, truly anything that rocky road brings, but somedays we are unsure we can.

We take the good and the bad and hope that overall we can smile more than shed tears. We hope that we can laugh more than feel defeated. We hope that we can depend on one another when times get a little too hard.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or a more seasoned one, we all feel that pit in our stomachs, when the orders come, when the date fall, when the buses leave.

We miss them when they are gone, but also understand why they had to go. We make plans to enjoy the time apart but hope that time goes by quickly and doesn’t drag on too much.

As military spouses, we are presented with that rocky road ahead so many times. It might be looking an overseas PCS in the face, or it might be a deployment that came out of nowhere. It might be struggling with a loss in the family, or trying to find your way back after a difficult season.

As military spouses, we also know that we can find the strength to get to the other side. We know that we have done it before, as so many others have done too. We know that we might need to take it one day at a time, but that soon enough we will be at the end, ready for the next season of our lives.

What is your biggest military spouse struggle? What do you do when you are faced with it?

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

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I can’t believe I have been a military spouse for almost 17 years now. I remember being so overwhelmed by everything at first. I had so many questions and didn’t know what we were getting into. Over the years I have learned so much, from the best way to make friends to how to get through those long deployment days.

Are you new to military life? Maybe you just want to get some advice to get you through a difficult time. Here are 40 quick tips for a better military spouse life.

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life
  1. Timelines will always change. Whether it is how long it will take to join your spouse in an OCONUS PCS to when they will get home from a deployment.
  2. Make friends. You will need them, you will. They will make military life a lot easier.
  3. Say yes to overseas, even if you are afraid to do so. The experience will be worth it.
  4. Try living on post or base at least once. Doing so is an experience.
  5. Don’t forget OPSEC. Don’t overshare on social media. Be smart about what you are putting out there.
  6. PCS your way. Do you need a fancy PCS binder? Maybe. Are you okay if you don’t have one? Maybe. Find what works for you.
  7. Don’t be turned off by “bad” duty stations. Sometimes that is where you will have the best experiences. You never know.
  8. Join the groups. Find a book club. Try MOPS. You never know when you might find your new best friend.
  9. Write love letters. They might be old-fashioned but they can be a greay way to communicate during a deployment.
  10. Journal. Get your words out. Tell your journal how mad you are at the military. It will make you feel better.
  11. Get mad at the military. It’s okay. You don’t always have to love everything the military does.
  12. Focus on you. Don’t give up your dreams.
  13. Get off your military instillation. Explore. Make civilian friends. Learn about your new area.
  14. Listen to Seasoned Spouses. They have good advice and they have been there.
  15. Help out newbie military spouses. You have a lot to offer, even if you have only been a military spouse for a short time yourself.
  16. Remember you can do this. Whatever it is. Take it one day at a time.
  17. Create boundrries for yourself. With friends. With your job. With family.
  18. Make time for yourself. Me time is always important. Look for ways to find that me time, no matter how busy your life might be.
  19. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Doing so will bring you amazing things.
  20. You don’t have to send fancy care packages if you don’t want to. That might not be your jam. That’s okay.
  21. Share your story. Start a blog. Share on Instagram. When we share our stories, whatever they might be, we can truly help one another not feel so alone.
  22. Don’t sweat the small stuff, especially during a deployment. You might have to let a lot of things go. But that will bring you more peace.
  23. Each of your kids might handle the stress of military life in a different way. Some might need a little more help than others.
  24. Sometimes things will happen that won’t make any sense. Learn that this is just a part of military life. Sometimes you won’t be able to explain the randomness of it all.
  25. Don’t let rank get in the way of a friendship. Rules about rank are for service members, not spouses. That being said, be aware of what would bother your spouse or put them in an uncomfortable situation.
  26. Celebrate your military spouse wins. Get excited when you hit 100 days of deployment. Get excited when you cross things off your PCS to-do list.
  27. Talk with your spouse about PERSEC. Find out what they are okay with you sharing and what they are not. Some service members do not want to be on social media, and others are totally okay with it.
  28. Be wary of scams. Are you dating a service member? Awesome! Are they asking for you to send them money even thoguh you have never met in person? Be wary. People do try to scam others by pretending to be a service member.
  29. Learn about military discounts. Many amusement parks have them. A lot of resturants do too. Don’t be afraid to ask about them when you are out shopping. Just be respectful if the answer is no or if they are only for the service member.
  30. Share your life with your civilian friends. They are curious and might only know about military life from TV or movies.
  31. Be yourself. Not all military spouses are the same. We come from different places and backgrounds. Find your milspouse people.
  32. Know if you are struggling in this life, reaching out for extra help is okay. Doing so might be just what you need to get through your current challenge.
  33. Go to college, find a job, and pursue your own dreams as much as you can. Follow your passions, even during military life, whatever they might be.
  34. During a deployment, make a list of all the things you want to accomplish or learn. Work on home projects, write a book, learn a new skill, and figure out ways to stay busy that can help you grow as a person.
  35. Visit home, especially when you need a break from your duty station. But when you do, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not visiting them or spending your vacation the way you need to as a family.
  36. Take pictures. Make photo albums. Write down your memories. You will be glad you did.
  37. Learn from one another. Listen to how others make deployments a little easier or hacks they have about pcsing. You don’t have to do everything they do, but putting more tools in your military spouse toolbox will be a good idea.
  38. Feeling lonely? Find activities and events in your local area to get out and meet new people. Don’t give up if you don’t meet anyone right away. Keep trying.
  39. Grow through your expeirences, even the bad ones. There is always something new to learn.
  40. Enjoy this life as much as you can, but know that often times military life is a roller coaster. You will have some amazing moments, and some pretty difficult ones. There will be different seasons of your military life.

9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

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9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

By Melonie Kennedy

This is it. We’re handing in the keys to our on-post housing in a few days, then my husband will begin terminal leave. After sixteen years of marriage, seven duty stations, several deployments, and so many TDY’s I can’t even remember them all, it’s over. He’s out. The End.

Retirement is a huge transition for him, of course, after twenty years in the Army. I didn’t expect, however, what a big jump this would mean for me. This is a scary new beginning, perhaps the scariest of them all. I’ve tried to avoid wool-gathering and prepare just like any other PCS. As ready as I am to get into this next chapter, though, I’m also not feeling ready. It’s not just another PCS. There’s so much up in the air, and that leads me to lesson one: 

Remember military retirement is a major life change! As accustomed as we are to moving frequently and reestablishing a home base every few years, this time there’s a big difference. We’re in a new division of the military community: The Retirees. Our mission now as a family is to figure out what comes next and create a new battle rhythm that may be like nothing we’ve ever experienced before. 

Additionally, as with normal PCSs, there may be a grieving process, especially if you’re moving from your final duty station as part of the retirement process. We’re saying goodbye to friends, getting those last tourist bucket list things marked off, taking steps to find a job, and shepherding a teen through the same changes all while getting him ready for college. As exciting as this new adventure is, it’s full of questions. That takes me to lesson two:

Communication is key – and not just with the various agencies your service member is dealing with on the military side! It’s okay to say you’re not okay. Consider scheduling in downtime for yourself and as a couple. We, military spouses, are incredibly resilient people, but resilience is built up when we have purposely created a buffer zone. Whether it’s a facial or a coffee date, sometimes talking to a therapist via Telehealth or simply curling up with a book for an hour – account for the fact that this is a huge transition period that automatically comes with stress, and account for the fact that mindfulness during the transition is vital. Having grown up an Army brat, then spending this long as a military wife, I kind of don’t know where I stand anymore, and I’ve had to observe and unpack those feelings. This takes us to lesson three: 

You’re not alone. It may feel like it some days, just like it may have at times in your spouse’s military career. They, and you, are not cast aside and left to drift and figure this out on your own! From the moment retirement appears on the horizon, start finding your support folks; as Mr. Rogers advised, “Look for the helpers.”

I was pleasantly surprised to learn how many resources there are out there for transitioning families. Get in touch with the folks at your branch’s Transition Assistance Program (TAP) office early. We spouses are invited to attend as well because TAP isn’t just about military paperwork. The TAP office my husband worked with offered links to resumé workshops, seminars on VA home loans, and much more. Going through TAP early leaves you time to go back through if you’d like to dig deeper and ask the TAP reps questions on a second go-round.

Another great option is the USO, which sponsors a wide variety of in-person and virtual seminars. They cover more topics than I can even list here, and the schedules accommodate for locations worldwide. There are also the Veterans Service Organization (VSO) representatives, who are individuals accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) to help ensure service members have access to qualified representation during the VA claim process. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) and several other organizations have accredited VSOs available; a full list of VA-recognized VSOs is available via the Veterans Affairs website.

Lastly, don’t forget to start making connections within military retiree organizations and civic groups within your community, especially if you are moving with children. They will gain assistance putting down new roots through community options just like they’ve done every move, and now those roots can include a nice taproot into their home turf!

As you may have noticed, the more lead time you have before retirement, the better. We made the decision for my husband to submit his retirement request about eighteen months out from his projected departure date, which left time to get things rolling on several fronts. That takes us into lessons four through seven, which have a big point in common: make use of any waiting period you have until retirement!

Get your house in order, especially your finances. If you’re not already debt-free, try to get there. This will help you get a solid footing when the service member’s pay changes from their active duty rate to their retirement pension. This foundation also provides an assist with the timing of the first retirement check, any VA benefits the military retiree is awarded, and the arrival of paychecks if they will be employed after their military time ends. If there’s a lag time on funds, you’re still good to go if you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck at this stage.

Save, save, save! As with any other PCS, there will be costs affiliated with your move. If you own a home away from your final duty station, you’ve got to get there. While certain costs will be reimbursed after a move, you may be in a situation where you’re receiving BAH during terminal leave, so hotel stays will be accounted differently. Then of course there are the usual things that feel like they nickel and dime us to death every move: getting groceries again, the random little things that are needed in a new home, meals on the road, and so forth. Even if you are already living in your forever home, with all these changes, costs will come up. Having as much put away for a rainy day as possible is always to your benefit.

Speaking of financial matters: while you’re anxiously awaiting The Big Day, make the most of your time and get life insurance before the service member gets their VA physical. In some cases, automatically switching from Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) to Veterans Group Life Insurance (VGLI) may not actually be your most cost-effective plan. The same applies for spouses and other dependents currently insured through Family Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance.

While sticking with the known entity with no medical questions or exclusions may be tempting, if you’re in fairly good health, it is well worth your time to sit down with a few companies and get some quotes for coverage. My husband contacted three companies for quotes and we were able to compare all coverage, terms, and costs over a weekend and choose the one that was the best fit for us. (Why do this before the VA physical? Findings documented by the VA may affect rates and coverage availability.)

On our last point about time and money: encourage your service member to use this time to use Credentialing Assistance and Tuition Assistance if at all possible. Don’t leave money on the table! They can earn certifications to build their resumé and build their employability, or work toward a college degree without using their GI Bill on active duty. There are also many free and low-cost certification and schooling options available for military spouses to take advantage of; you’ll learn about some of them through the TAP sessions and the USO’s offerings, but another great place to find helpful organizations and programs is LinkedIn.

That takes us to lesson eight, one that was a real shocker for me: LinkedIn is your friend, milspouses! I’ve personally had a LinkedIn account for over a decade and really didn’t get much use out of it. Like many people, I thought LinkedIn was “social media for suits”. Since getting more active on the platform in early 2021, I’ve had my eyes opened to the many possibilities LinkedIn offers, particularly for those of us with military affiliations.

There is a wealth of opportunities for networking with other folks in our community; start with #militaryspouse, then look for groups specific to spouses or to your area of employment interest. There are also job listings, information about hiring fairs (on and off base and virtual), and ways to find franchise opportunities specifically for veterans. Add in the fact that we spouses can receive a year of LinkedIn Premium for free through Military OneSource’s Spouse Education & Career Opportunities (MySECO), and you’ve got another great reason to sign up or really start using your LinkedIn account to its full potential. The Premium version allows access to LinkedIn Learning and a variety of other professional tools that users may find helpful in networking and job hunts.

My two cents, with no affiliation to the company on my part: LinkedIn is worth it for you and your retiree-to-be, whether you’re looking for work post-military or want to be able to mentor and guide others following in your footsteps. It’s actually the way I connected with Julie, our wonderful hostess here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, and can share these thoughts with you about our retirement journey!

And now we’re at lesson nine: Have the Ceremony.

My soldier is not big on pomp and circumstance. I’m an introvert, quite content that the bulk of my “peopling” is done via email thanks to working from home for two decades. There was to be no retirement ceremony. We were simply going to load the U-Haul and quietly ride off into the sunset.

My husband’s commander saw things differently and put his foot down. You don’t give twenty years of your life to the military and just slip away; you deserve recognition and closure. There had to be some sort of ceremony. 

We huffed and puffed and gave in on the matter, setting up a fairly intimate shindig at a favorite restaurant. We added in a presentation of a military “brat” coin and a certificate of appreciation for our son. Some family members were able to make it, as well as a large group from the unit, and some good friends we’ve bumped into at multiple duty stations. As luck would have it, we had soldiers there from the beginning of my spouse’s active time, the middle, and the end.

There were stories told, plenty of laughs, and more tears than expected. We introduced our non-military family members to a side of my husband that they hadn’t seen during visits and the usual tours of housing and the Exchange; it gave his friends a chance to celebrate with him; it gave us a chance to recognize the resilience of our son, who like me, has been a dandelion child floating around the world at the behest of Uncle Sam. 

Barbecue and cake were served, and in the end, we were incredibly grateful to the leader who called for the touching sendoff. So no matter how large or how small you make it, please schedule in a time to celebrate your service member, yourself, and all involved in getting you to this point. You’ve made it. Happy military retirement – here’s to your next adventure!

Melonie Kennedy is a military wife, homeschooling mom, author, and small business owner. Connect with her at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meloniek/