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21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

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I remember the day well. My mom was watching my 18-month-old son and I was waiting at my apartment for the movers to come. It was moving day for our very first PCS. We were headed to Germany and the day had finally come for the movers to start packing up all of our belongings overseas. It would be about six weeks before we would see our stuff again.

I was not a stranger to moving. By this point, I had probably moved about 12 or 13 times in my life, most of them before having kids or even being married. I would take a few weeks to pack up my stuff and then friends would come over and help me move. Then I would spend a few weeks unpacking.

This was different. We were moving to a new country and the Army was going to do it for us. I would not have to pack up all of my stuff. I would not have to look for boxes. I would have movers come over to my house and do it for me. Bliss.

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

We have done two military moves and a move of our own since then. Moving is for the birds! I would rather not but as a military family you sometimes don’t have a choice. You will pcs and you might do so every 3 years or so.

There is a lot of stress associated with a PCS. You will have a lot to do and a lot to decide about. You will need to see if you want to do a DITY move or have the military move you. People are divided on this. Some want to do the move themselves, others don’t mind if the military does it for them. After moving myself so many times in my life I would always be happy for the military to move me. We have always had a good experience. That being said, not everyone does. There are reports of things being damaged, things being lost and things being stolen. You really have to decide what you want to do and what you can deal with.

After deciding how you actually want to move, you have to do all the rest of the things to get ready for your PCS. You need to plan, even if you are not a planner. You need to know what is going on and what dates things need to happen.

Here are 21 tips for a better military PCS:

1. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t want or don’t use. Plan a day or two to go through your whole house and donate or sell as much as you can. You don’t want to go over your weight limit. We did once and had to pay about $250 for that mistake.

2. Feed the movers. If you have movers, make sure to offer them food and water. They will usually appreciate it. We did have movers once that didn’t want the pizza we got for them but they did love the Oreos so you never know.

3. Prepare to be without your stuff. When we moved 2 hours away we only had to be without our stuff for a few days but overseas moves can take six weeks or even longer. Sometimes moves within the US take time too. And there could be reasons why your stuff will need to be stored for a while. Make plans for this. Especially if you have kids. There are certain things they will need.

4. Label everything. It’s a good idea to label which room everything goes in. Some people get really into this and color code every room. I love this idea. That makes it so much easier to unpack later on. You can put notes up where you want your things so they end up in the right spot. If you want you can also have them put together your furniture such as beds and dressers. This will save you a lot of time.

5. Make a binder. You should have a binder or folder with everything you need for your move. You should keep your to-do lists in there as well as any important documents. You want to have everything with you at all times, no matter where you are moving to.

6. Put aside what you don’t want to be packed. Make sure to clear out one room and put all the things you don’t want to be packed in that room. Then lock the door. That way the movers can’t accidentally pack anything.

7. Save money. Save as much as you think you will need and double that amount. No really. Moving always costs more than you think it will, even if it is a military move. You will need to eat out more often, you will need to buy things at your new place, you will need to have that extra in your bank account.

8. Take the important stuff with you. If you are driving to your new duty station, take all your most important things with you in the car. When we moved overseas it was a bit harder to do this and I was so worried about a few things but if you can take them in a car, do so. Then you know they will be safe.

9. Take a House-Hunting trip. If you can, go out to your new duty station for a house hunting trip. It is so helpful to be able to see where you might live in person first. If you can’t do this and you know people at your next duty station, see if they wouldn’t mind going by potential places and taking photos for you. That way you can get a better sense of your choices. Sometimes you don’t get a chance to look until you actually get there.

10. Take photos before movers come. Take photos of everything important before the movers get there. That way, if there is any damage you have a record of what it looked like before the movers came.

11. Research schools. One mistake we made moving here is we did not double check on which school our house was zoned for. In some areas, the most logical school isn’t always the correct one. Even though there was a school in the neighborhood we were renting in, we were zoned for another one.

12. Rent vs Buy vs On post. You will probably have to decide if you want to rent, buy a home or live on post at your new duty station. Sometimes you have to live on post as there is no off-post housing. Other times on post is booked so you have to go off. You should think about if you should buy a house or not and base that on if you want the responsibility or if buy a house makes sense for your situation.

PCSIng

13. Empty your trash. If you don’t, the movers will pack it. Trust me, they will. And who wants to find 6-week-old trash in their new home?

14. Have someone watch your kids. If you can, have someone watch your kids when the movers come. This will make life easier for you, especially if you have toddlers. You can watch the movers and just chill and not have to worry about kids getting in the way. If you do have to have your kids home, keep them in a separate cleared out room while the movers are doing their thing.

15. Book your hotel. Once you know when you will be getting into town, book your hotel. That way you won’t have to worry about having a place to stay.

16. Use good materials. If you are moving yourselves, use the good stuff. You don’t want your boxes falling apart on you.

17. Keep all bedding together. That way when it is time to get your new bed set up, everything you need is all right there. You don’t have to go searching for it.

18. Don’t go crazy at your new duty station, especially coming back from overseas. When we first got to Ft. Campbell from Germany we wanted to go to all the places we had missed. This adds up and you simply can’t afford to do this. Remember, you will be at your new duty station for a while, you don’t have to see and do everything that first week.

19. Ship your car. If you will be shipping your car, make sure you understand what they want you to do to get the car ready to ship. The car needs to be very clean with very little gas. I have heard of people having to drive around the shipping location to get the gas amount low enough to turn in.

20. Plan for your pets. If you are taking pets with you on a PCS, make sure you plan for them too. Think about how they will get to your new location and what you will need to do. If you are going overseas shipping them can be complicated but people do PCS overseas with their pets. You can too if your location allows for you to do so.

21. Enjoy the journey. It is way too easy to get stressed out about a PCS and you will probably break down in tears a few times. Think about where you are headed and what the experience has been like for you. Think about all the memories you have made at your current location and all the fun things you can do at your new duty station. As hard as a PCS is, as difficult as the process might be, you will get to your new duty station and be able to enjoy your new home.

You can learn more about the area you are moving or find a realtor by checking out PCSGrades. They are such a great resource for anyone that is PCSing and getting ready to move to their next duty station.

Are you getting ready for a PCS? What would you add to this list?

The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

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The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

These are the stages of a Military PCS

PCS season is around the corner and life is getting quite hectic for quite a few military families. Although it has been a while since our family has gone through a military PCS, I remember the process and how stressful and crazy everything can be.

1. Bored and ready to move

After you have been at your duty station for two or three years, you probably start to feel ready to make a change. You know you are going to be moving this year, you want to know where, and you are ready to start the process.

2. Soft orders, start planning

You hear where you are going to go. If you are happy with this choice, you are worried that will change. If you are not, you are praying it will. You still need to be patient to wait for the physical orders before any of your PCS dreams (or nightmares) can come true.

3. Orders change

Your orders have changed. You assumed you would be spending the next three years in Hawaii, sorry, it’s El Paso. There is still a chance they could change again, but you aren’t holding out much hope. Try to just go with the flow and to not worry too much about the changes until things become set in stone.

4. Hard orders cut, it’s for real

Okay, you are going to this duty station. This is for real. Time to start your planning. You start asking in your local Facebook groups and Google all things about your new duty station. This is an exciting time, but then you start to feel a bit overwhelmed.

5. Stressed out with all you have to do

There is so much to do with a PCS. So many lists to make. So much to get done beyond your everyday lives. Make sure to create some system for everything you have to do and all the paperwork you need. Starting a PCS binder can be a very good idea but you can also just make sure you have a safe place for everything that is easy to take with you on the plane or in your car.

6. Get organized and plan

This is the stage where you decide if you want to live on base or not. If you want to live off, where you should find a house. Should you rent or buy? What about the schools? Take your time and try to relax about this part. There is going to be a lot of information out there and some of it, you can wait until after you are moved to figure it all out. Check out PCSGrades for reviews on different areas near where you will be moving.

7. Movers come, stuff goes

The day has come for the movers to pack up all of your earthly goods. Make sure to get your movers some lunch and offer snacks. They will appreciate it. Don’t pack your trash and make sure anything you want to take with you is safely locked in your car or a room the movers won’t go in.

8. All those last-minute things

It wouldn’t be a PCS without all the last-minute things you will need to do. From cleaning out your home to making sure you have turned in all those library books before you leave. Reward yourself with a Starbucks or a cupcake after you get everything done. And breathe.

9. Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye to friends is the worst. Try to say, “see you later.” Make sure you are connected on Facebook, that is where your friends will now live. Enjoy the last few days you have together and remember, the military is a small world and you could get stationed together again someday.

10. Physically moving

Now it’s time to either leave for the airport or get in your car to drive away from your home for the last 2-4 years. Adventure awaits, and once you reach this step, you start to feel like everything is going to work out. Remember to bring plenty of snacks and make sure you leave time for pee breaks if you are driving, especially if you have small children.

11. Hotel living

We were lucky, and the longest we had to stay in a hotel was a week. Others have to stay in them for much longer to wait for housing. Try to be creative with planning your hotel stay and remember, eventually, you will live in an actual house, with a real kitchen and no hotel keys.

12. Your stuff is here

Yay! Your stuff is here, you have moved into your new home and life is about it get much better. No more sleeping on an air mattress and your son finally gets to play Xbox again.

13. Unpacking hell

Time to unpack and unpack and then spend more time unpacking. Just get it done. All of it. You will be glad you did.

14. Make new friends

Now that you are at your new duty station, time to make new friends. This can be difficult but putting yourself out there is a must. Start with just saying hi to a neighbor or going to a playgroup with your kids. Making friends will take time but once you do you will feel more at home no matter where you are stationed.

15. Relax in your new home

Whether you are in a 3rd story two-bedroom apartment in Germany or have bought your first ranch house outside of Ft. Carson, enjoy your new home. This will be where you will live for the next few years. Bloom where you are stationed even if you are sad to be there. Adventures await!

If you are going through a PCS right now, what stage are you in?

Did You Know Lowe’s and Home Depot Have a Military Discount?

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It’s date night! We go to dinner, maybe to a movie, but often times we find ourselves at Lowe’s. Whether we want to get ideas for a new project or to buy some new plants for the garden. Lowe’s and Home Depot also have a military discount, which we use for almost each and every visit. I love saving money!

Lowe’s Military Discount

Lowe's Military Discount

Lowe’s first opened in 1921 in North Carolina. They have a 10% military discount on eligible items, both online and in person. You just need to create a MyLowe’s account. At Lowe’s, not only can your service member sign up for the military discount, you as a military spouse can too. After you have signed up, when you go to the store, just give them your phone number and they can add the discount. At the Lowe’s here near Fort Campbell, they always tend to ask too.

Recently we were very happy that Lowe’s had a military discount as we purchased wood and soil for our new garden area in our backyard. Not only that but when I get in the mood to buy some new seeds, or other items for our garden, I know I can save a few dollars using the military discount.

Home Depot Military Discount

Home Depot Military Discount

Home Depot started much later in 1978 in Atlanta and also offers a 10%. Their discount is similar in that you have to sign up for their program, and can use the military discount online or in person. They do have a limit of $400 per year, and as a spouse, you can only sign up after your service member does.

Last year we went to Home Depot and found the perfect outside couch for our deck. I fell in love with it. Unfortunately, they didn’t have the couch in stock at our Home Depot but I was able to buy the couch online using the military discount.

Saving Money on Military Discounts

Here in Tennessee, our sales tax is almost 10% so when we use the military discount at Lowe’s or Home Depot I know it typically covers most of the tax. This means I can compare the cost at the Exchange when I am shopping for appliances since the Exchange is tax-free.

Whether you are working on a home project, preparing for a PCS, or just need a few things from a home improvement store, make sure you take the time to sign up for the Lowe’s and Home Depot Military Discounts. You can use them wherever you are stationed within the United States, and of course, online.

Beyond Lowe’s and Home Depot, you can find military discounts at other stores, restaurants, and even amusement parks. Military discounts are great ways to save a little money and are typically pretty easy to use. If you are unsure if a particular store offers a military discount or not, make sure to ask just in case. You will be glad that you did.

How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

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How a Small Duty Station in Germany Shaped My Military Spouse Experience

17 years ago I got on a plane with my 18-month-old to join my husband in Germany. He had been over there for about 4 months, and we were finally joining him. The time apart was quite a whirlwind for me as I got used to the way the Army did things, slower than I would like.

The flight over was long. The leg from Chicago to Madrid was the toughest. My son’s car seat wouldn’t fit and he didn’t sleep a wink. Finally, as we sat down on our short flight from Spain to Germany, he crashed on my lap.

We met my husband in baggage claim at the Frankfort airport, sleepy and in a fog. Unless you count trips to Mexico as a teen, this was my first experience in a different country. This was my first experience in Europe. This would be my first experience on an Army post.

A few days later, I was walking my son in a stroller around the post. I stopped and just took everything in as a group of soldiers marched by. Up until a few months before, we had been a civilian couple, raising our son in a civilian family. But all of that had changed.

As the months went on, I started to become more comfortable with where I was. We were stationed in Schweinfurt, which was about two hours from Frankfort in Bavaria. I was 26 years old, and the interesting thing was when my mom was my age she also moved to Germany, as a DoD teacher near Ramstein. I grew up with photos and souvenirs she had collected during her time there. I was so happy to experience some of what she did, but as a spouse instead of a teacher.

I made friends pretty quickly as our FRG was very active. There was also a deployment coming up and all of us could feel it. So many of us had little ones and soon after we got there I discovered I was pregnant with my second little boy. There was a lot going on and a lot to take in.

After we had been there for about five months, my husband deployed to Iraq. We assumed he would be back within a year, or even nine months. But that was the deployment that kept getting extended and he finally made it home after almost 15 months.

During that deployment, I learned so much about myself. About who I was as a mother, a wife, and a military spouse. It was my “welcome to this life” baptism that I didn’t really fully understand until much later, after moving back to the states and experiencing more deployments.

Our little community in Schweinfurt was something so special and different. For one thing, the post was pretty small. We only had about 3,000 soldiers. Compare that to Fort Campbell which has around 29,000 soldiers. Pretty much every soldier, unless you were on Rear D, was deployed. Most of the soldiers went to Iraq and some to Afghanistan. But the reality was, the post was made up of military spouses, going through a very long deployment, far from home.

During the first part of the deployment I was pregnant, and as I got closer to the birth, that was my main focus. My amazing mom came out planning to stay two months over the birth and after to help. I can’t even tell you how much this helped me. My son was born just four days before his due date and three days before my husband made it back to Germany for R&R.

During those two weeks, my dad came over to join us and we had a nice family Christmas together. My parents left us for a week to travel and we had a week as a family of four before my husband had to head back to Iraq. That week was truly amazing. I can’t even tell you about what he did, other than sorting out my son’s birth certificate, but our family needed that time.

R&R was over, and my husband and I woke up before dark to take him to the train station to head back to Iraq. My husband stood over my son’s crib and said goodbye, thinking he would be back in about five months. In the end, he didn’t get back from another 11, missing almost his whole first year.

My dad headed home soon after, and my brother came to visit which helped with the after R&R letdown. In February, my mom and brother had to head back home, and soon after I ended up in the hospital with my two-month-old for RSV. I was so thankful for my military spouse friends who stepped in to help me during that week.

Winter ended, and it started to warm up a bit in Germany but our husbands were still deployed. We, spouses, worked hard to stay busy, and spend time together. We had Monday mornings at the coffee shop, we met for lunch and met up at the park once it was warm enough to do so.

During those 15 months, I found myself in a tight-knit military community with almost all of us going through the same thing. This isn’t something you find in a lot of places, but this was my introduction to the military world. I didn’t realize at the time how different it would be at a stateside post when units were all coming and going at different times.

I learned through other military spouses, what they had been through in the past, and the lessons they had learned along the way. I learned true independence as I would go so long without being able to talk to my husband, and just had to figure everything out by myself. I realized what was important about parenting and what to let go of so that I could be the best mom for my kids.

The military was 100% in our face during this time. Yes, you could go off post and I did. I enjoyed walking my kids around in the double stroller and visiting all the different German shops. I was able to travel even more once my husband came home, going on a few USO trips.

But still, the military ruled so much about my life then. From where I got most of my groceries, to where I got my mail, to where my son went to preschool.

When we moved to the states, I found this wasn’t the norm. But it definitely shaped my military spouse experience.

Looking back, I am so glad I had the experiences I did. I was a part of history. I was a part of the military community. And learned so much along the way.

The Army has left Schweinfurt. If we were to visit again someday, we would find the area a very different place. I think they have knocked down most of the housing and there is no longer any American military presence. But the memories will stick with me forever.

The Halloween party we had when I was super pregnant. The Thanksgiving potluck we military spouses had while leaving computers on in hopes that a husband or two would log on. The time after R&R as I thought we were in the final stretch of the deployment and then learned we had so much more time to go.

The lonely nights we made better by spending time together while our kids played. The tensions that arose during a super stressful situation. Homecoming day, when the deployment was finally over, and we could get back to almost normal life while knowing we were now different people.

All of us were going through something so difficult but we had to find the strength to make it to the finish line and we had to do it together one day at a time. I will never forget those years, even if some of the details are fuzzy all these years later. I am thankful for being able to experience life overseas, and I am even more thankful for all that I learned while I was there.

Arriving at that small Army post in the middle of Bavaria as a brand new military spouse is something I will never forget.

The Rocky Road Ahead For a Military Spouse

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The Rocky Road Ahead

She is standing there, looking at the rocky road ahead, unsure what is next and what the future will look like. Such is the life of a military spouse.

He got his orders and is packing his bags, how are we doing this again? How is it time?

She promises she will be strong, she has done this before, she can do it again. She will conquer this rocky road ahead.

He has heard the rumors, but now he knows they are true.

She will be leaving soon, a few months earlier than they thought. How will he make it through this deployment? The one he thought he would be prepared for, but now feels like it never will be. That rocky road ahead.

As military spouses around the world know, there is good and there is bad when it comes to military life. There are the highs and there are the lows. There are easier times and times when it feels like the road is a little too rocky. When it feels like it is a little too much to endure.

We do what we can when we are faced with this rocky road. We depend on our friends and hope and pray they will understand all the emotions we might have in the next few months.

We work to stay busy but sometimes even that isn’t enough. And sometimes the busy is what causes the stress, and we have to pull back. We have to work to find that balance that seems almost impossible to find.

We pull the tools we have used in the past out of our deployment tool kit and pray they will work again. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don’t.

We want to believe we can get through anything, truly anything that rocky road brings, but somedays we are unsure we can.

We take the good and the bad and hope that overall we can smile more than shed tears. We hope that we can laugh more than feel defeated. We hope that we can depend on one another when times get a little too hard.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or a more seasoned one, we all feel that pit in our stomachs, when the orders come, when the date fall, when the buses leave.

We miss them when they are gone, but also understand why they had to go. We make plans to enjoy the time apart but hope that time goes by quickly and doesn’t drag on too much.

As military spouses, we are presented with that rocky road ahead so many times. It might be looking an overseas PCS in the face, or it might be a deployment that came out of nowhere. It might be struggling with a loss in the family, or trying to find your way back after a difficult season.

As military spouses, we also know that we can find the strength to get to the other side. We know that we have done it before, as so many others have done too. We know that we might need to take it one day at a time, but that soon enough we will be at the end, ready for the next season of our lives.

What is your biggest military spouse struggle? What do you do when you are faced with it?

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

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I can’t believe I have been a military spouse for almost 17 years now. I remember being so overwhelmed by everything at first. I had so many questions and didn’t know what we were getting into. Over the years I have learned so much, from the best way to make friends to how to get through those long deployment days.

Are you new to military life? Maybe you just want to get some advice to get you through a difficult time. Here are 40 quick tips for a better military spouse life.

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life
  1. Timelines will always change. Whether it is how long it will take to join your spouse in an OCONUS PCS to when they will get home from a deployment.
  2. Make friends. You will need them, you will. They will make military life a lot easier.
  3. Say yes to overseas, even if you are afraid to do so. The experience will be worth it.
  4. Try living on post or base at least once. Doing so is an experience.
  5. Don’t forget OPSEC. Don’t overshare on social media. Be smart about what you are putting out there.
  6. PCS your way. Do you need a fancy PCS binder? Maybe. Are you okay if you don’t have one? Maybe. Find what works for you.
  7. Don’t be turned off by “bad” duty stations. Sometimes that is where you will have the best experiences. You never know.
  8. Join the groups. Find a book club. Try MOPS. You never know when you might find your new best friend.
  9. Write love letters. They might be old-fashioned but they can be a greay way to communicate during a deployment.
  10. Journal. Get your words out. Tell your journal how mad you are at the military. It will make you feel better.
  11. Get mad at the military. It’s okay. You don’t always have to love everything the military does.
  12. Focus on you. Don’t give up your dreams.
  13. Get off your military instillation. Explore. Make civilian friends. Learn about your new area.
  14. Listen to Seasoned Spouses. They have good advice and they have been there.
  15. Help out newbie military spouses. You have a lot to offer, even if you have only been a military spouse for a short time yourself.
  16. Remember you can do this. Whatever it is. Take it one day at a time.
  17. Create boundrries for yourself. With friends. With your job. With family.
  18. Make time for yourself. Me time is always important. Look for ways to find that me time, no matter how busy your life might be.
  19. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Doing so will bring you amazing things.
  20. You don’t have to send fancy care packages if you don’t want to. That might not be your jam. That’s okay.
  21. Share your story. Start a blog. Share on Instagram. When we share our stories, whatever they might be, we can truly help one another not feel so alone.
  22. Don’t sweat the small stuff, especially during a deployment. You might have to let a lot of things go. But that will bring you more peace.
  23. Each of your kids might handle the stress of military life in a different way. Some might need a little more help than others.
  24. Sometimes things will happen that won’t make any sense. Learn that this is just a part of military life. Sometimes you won’t be able to explain the randomness of it all.
  25. Don’t let rank get in the way of a friendship. Rules about rank are for service members, not spouses. That being said, be aware of what would bother your spouse or put them in an uncomfortable situation.
  26. Celebrate your military spouse wins. Get excited when you hit 100 days of deployment. Get excited when you cross things off your PCS to-do list.
  27. Talk with your spouse about PERSEC. Find out what they are okay with you sharing and what they are not. Some service members do not want to be on social media, and others are totally okay with it.
  28. Be wary of scams. Are you dating a service member? Awesome! Are they asking for you to send them money even thoguh you have never met in person? Be wary. People do try to scam others by pretending to be a service member.
  29. Learn about military discounts. Many amusement parks have them. A lot of resturants do too. Don’t be afraid to ask about them when you are out shopping. Just be respectful if the answer is no or if they are only for the service member.
  30. Share your life with your civilian friends. They are curious and might only know about military life from TV or movies.
  31. Be yourself. Not all military spouses are the same. We come from different places and backgrounds. Find your milspouse people.
  32. Know if you are struggling in this life, reaching out for extra help is okay. Doing so might be just what you need to get through your current challenge.
  33. Go to college, find a job, and pursue your own dreams as much as you can. Follow your passions, even during military life, whatever they might be.
  34. During a deployment, make a list of all the things you want to accomplish or learn. Work on home projects, write a book, learn a new skill, and figure out ways to stay busy that can help you grow as a person.
  35. Visit home, especially when you need a break from your duty station. But when you do, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not visiting them or spending your vacation the way you need to as a family.
  36. Take pictures. Make photo albums. Write down your memories. You will be glad you did.
  37. Learn from one another. Listen to how others make deployments a little easier or hacks they have about pcsing. You don’t have to do everything they do, but putting more tools in your military spouse toolbox will be a good idea.
  38. Feeling lonely? Find activities and events in your local area to get out and meet new people. Don’t give up if you don’t meet anyone right away. Keep trying.
  39. Grow through your expeirences, even the bad ones. There is always something new to learn.
  40. Enjoy this life as much as you can, but know that often times military life is a roller coaster. You will have some amazing moments, and some pretty difficult ones. There will be different seasons of your military life.

9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

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9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

By Melonie Kennedy

This is it. We’re handing in the keys to our on-post housing in a few days, then my husband will begin terminal leave. After sixteen years of marriage, seven duty stations, several deployments, and so many TDY’s I can’t even remember them all, it’s over. He’s out. The End.

Retirement is a huge transition for him, of course, after twenty years in the Army. I didn’t expect, however, what a big jump this would mean for me. This is a scary new beginning, perhaps the scariest of them all. I’ve tried to avoid wool-gathering and prepare just like any other PCS. As ready as I am to get into this next chapter, though, I’m also not feeling ready. It’s not just another PCS. There’s so much up in the air, and that leads me to lesson one: 

Remember military retirement is a major life change! As accustomed as we are to moving frequently and reestablishing a home base every few years, this time there’s a big difference. We’re in a new division of the military community: The Retirees. Our mission now as a family is to figure out what comes next and create a new battle rhythm that may be like nothing we’ve ever experienced before. 

Additionally, as with normal PCSs, there may be a grieving process, especially if you’re moving from your final duty station as part of the retirement process. We’re saying goodbye to friends, getting those last tourist bucket list things marked off, taking steps to find a job, and shepherding a teen through the same changes all while getting him ready for college. As exciting as this new adventure is, it’s full of questions. That takes me to lesson two:

Communication is key – and not just with the various agencies your service member is dealing with on the military side! It’s okay to say you’re not okay. Consider scheduling in downtime for yourself and as a couple. We, military spouses, are incredibly resilient people, but resilience is built up when we have purposely created a buffer zone. Whether it’s a facial or a coffee date, sometimes talking to a therapist via Telehealth or simply curling up with a book for an hour – account for the fact that this is a huge transition period that automatically comes with stress, and account for the fact that mindfulness during the transition is vital. Having grown up an Army brat, then spending this long as a military wife, I kind of don’t know where I stand anymore, and I’ve had to observe and unpack those feelings. This takes us to lesson three: 

You’re not alone. It may feel like it some days, just like it may have at times in your spouse’s military career. They, and you, are not cast aside and left to drift and figure this out on your own! From the moment retirement appears on the horizon, start finding your support folks; as Mr. Rogers advised, “Look for the helpers.”

I was pleasantly surprised to learn how many resources there are out there for transitioning families. Get in touch with the folks at your branch’s Transition Assistance Program (TAP) office early. We spouses are invited to attend as well because TAP isn’t just about military paperwork. The TAP office my husband worked with offered links to resumé workshops, seminars on VA home loans, and much more. Going through TAP early leaves you time to go back through if you’d like to dig deeper and ask the TAP reps questions on a second go-round.

Another great option is the USO, which sponsors a wide variety of in-person and virtual seminars. They cover more topics than I can even list here, and the schedules accommodate for locations worldwide. There are also the Veterans Service Organization (VSO) representatives, who are individuals accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) to help ensure service members have access to qualified representation during the VA claim process. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) and several other organizations have accredited VSOs available; a full list of VA-recognized VSOs is available via the Veterans Affairs website.

Lastly, don’t forget to start making connections within military retiree organizations and civic groups within your community, especially if you are moving with children. They will gain assistance putting down new roots through community options just like they’ve done every move, and now those roots can include a nice taproot into their home turf!

As you may have noticed, the more lead time you have before retirement, the better. We made the decision for my husband to submit his retirement request about eighteen months out from his projected departure date, which left time to get things rolling on several fronts. That takes us into lessons four through seven, which have a big point in common: make use of any waiting period you have until retirement!

Get your house in order, especially your finances. If you’re not already debt-free, try to get there. This will help you get a solid footing when the service member’s pay changes from their active duty rate to their retirement pension. This foundation also provides an assist with the timing of the first retirement check, any VA benefits the military retiree is awarded, and the arrival of paychecks if they will be employed after their military time ends. If there’s a lag time on funds, you’re still good to go if you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck at this stage.

Save, save, save! As with any other PCS, there will be costs affiliated with your move. If you own a home away from your final duty station, you’ve got to get there. While certain costs will be reimbursed after a move, you may be in a situation where you’re receiving BAH during terminal leave, so hotel stays will be accounted differently. Then of course there are the usual things that feel like they nickel and dime us to death every move: getting groceries again, the random little things that are needed in a new home, meals on the road, and so forth. Even if you are already living in your forever home, with all these changes, costs will come up. Having as much put away for a rainy day as possible is always to your benefit.

Speaking of financial matters: while you’re anxiously awaiting The Big Day, make the most of your time and get life insurance before the service member gets their VA physical. In some cases, automatically switching from Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) to Veterans Group Life Insurance (VGLI) may not actually be your most cost-effective plan. The same applies for spouses and other dependents currently insured through Family Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance.

While sticking with the known entity with no medical questions or exclusions may be tempting, if you’re in fairly good health, it is well worth your time to sit down with a few companies and get some quotes for coverage. My husband contacted three companies for quotes and we were able to compare all coverage, terms, and costs over a weekend and choose the one that was the best fit for us. (Why do this before the VA physical? Findings documented by the VA may affect rates and coverage availability.)

On our last point about time and money: encourage your service member to use this time to use Credentialing Assistance and Tuition Assistance if at all possible. Don’t leave money on the table! They can earn certifications to build their resumé and build their employability, or work toward a college degree without using their GI Bill on active duty. There are also many free and low-cost certification and schooling options available for military spouses to take advantage of; you’ll learn about some of them through the TAP sessions and the USO’s offerings, but another great place to find helpful organizations and programs is LinkedIn.

That takes us to lesson eight, one that was a real shocker for me: LinkedIn is your friend, milspouses! I’ve personally had a LinkedIn account for over a decade and really didn’t get much use out of it. Like many people, I thought LinkedIn was “social media for suits”. Since getting more active on the platform in early 2021, I’ve had my eyes opened to the many possibilities LinkedIn offers, particularly for those of us with military affiliations.

There is a wealth of opportunities for networking with other folks in our community; start with #militaryspouse, then look for groups specific to spouses or to your area of employment interest. There are also job listings, information about hiring fairs (on and off base and virtual), and ways to find franchise opportunities specifically for veterans. Add in the fact that we spouses can receive a year of LinkedIn Premium for free through Military OneSource’s Spouse Education & Career Opportunities (MySECO), and you’ve got another great reason to sign up or really start using your LinkedIn account to its full potential. The Premium version allows access to LinkedIn Learning and a variety of other professional tools that users may find helpful in networking and job hunts.

My two cents, with no affiliation to the company on my part: LinkedIn is worth it for you and your retiree-to-be, whether you’re looking for work post-military or want to be able to mentor and guide others following in your footsteps. It’s actually the way I connected with Julie, our wonderful hostess here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, and can share these thoughts with you about our retirement journey!

And now we’re at lesson nine: Have the Ceremony.

My soldier is not big on pomp and circumstance. I’m an introvert, quite content that the bulk of my “peopling” is done via email thanks to working from home for two decades. There was to be no retirement ceremony. We were simply going to load the U-Haul and quietly ride off into the sunset.

My husband’s commander saw things differently and put his foot down. You don’t give twenty years of your life to the military and just slip away; you deserve recognition and closure. There had to be some sort of ceremony. 

We huffed and puffed and gave in on the matter, setting up a fairly intimate shindig at a favorite restaurant. We added in a presentation of a military “brat” coin and a certificate of appreciation for our son. Some family members were able to make it, as well as a large group from the unit, and some good friends we’ve bumped into at multiple duty stations. As luck would have it, we had soldiers there from the beginning of my spouse’s active time, the middle, and the end.

There were stories told, plenty of laughs, and more tears than expected. We introduced our non-military family members to a side of my husband that they hadn’t seen during visits and the usual tours of housing and the Exchange; it gave his friends a chance to celebrate with him; it gave us a chance to recognize the resilience of our son, who like me, has been a dandelion child floating around the world at the behest of Uncle Sam. 

Barbecue and cake were served, and in the end, we were incredibly grateful to the leader who called for the touching sendoff. So no matter how large or how small you make it, please schedule in a time to celebrate your service member, yourself, and all involved in getting you to this point. You’ve made it. Happy military retirement – here’s to your next adventure!

Melonie Kennedy is a military wife, homeschooling mom, author, and small business owner. Connect with her at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meloniek/

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

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I remember feeling so torn during our first deployment. I didn’t want to do this Military life thing anymore. I didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. I didn’t want there to be so many pages of my scrapbook where dad was missing.

I started wondering if military life was worth the cost. Was it worth it for my kids to miss so much? I started wondering if despite my husband’s desire to serve, that our family needed to come first and that he shouldn’t do this anymore.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

That missing a child’s birth wasn’t worth it…

That missing their first day of kindergarten wasn’t worth it…

That leaving our kids with a stressed-out mom simply wasn’t fair…

And now all these years later I am still not sure if military life is fair to my children. It might not be. And that is a huge pill to swallow.

I can think about all the benefits of military life. I can think of all the places we have been, all the people we have met, and everything we have learned over the years.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my husband missed almost all of my son’s first year of life. That he will miss things in the future. That we will never get these years back.

Walking away from military life can seem like the right thing to do. To see that ETS date and end the military journey. To ask your spouse to pick another path.

For some, getting out of the military is the right thing to do…

For others, it isn’t that simple.

For some, serving in the military is something they have to do. That the military is a part of them. That the military is in their blood. Walking away isn’t possible.

And for the military spouse of that service member, things can be so complicated. You can’t help but wonder where you stand. You can’t help but wonder why they are okay with all the loss and heartache this life can bring.

But you also know that serving is a part of who they are, and what they have chosen as a career path. You know deep down they ache having to be away from you too. You know that they miss you like you are missing them.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

And when you remember that, when you remember that even though they choose the military, they also chose you, things get a little easier.

And from that, you can get through what comes. You can help your children through military life. You can be there, and be patient, and know that your path is okay.

Your military life may look so different from your own upbringing.

Your military life might be the opposite of what your civilian friends do.

But it’s your military life, for good or for bad.

While you might never be able to answer the question of if military life is fair to your kids, you know your kids will be able to make it through the challenges, with you by their side.

You might never be able to get those years back but the memories you make when you are together are priceless.

You might not ever have a “normal” life because you married a service member, but you are committed to still living a good one, however that looks.

Don’t be afraid to seek out help during this life. I have many different blog posts here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life on deployments, pcsing, and military life in general.

I have a Facebook group, filled with other military spouses who understand.

Check out your local communities to see what is available.

Join your FRG, local MOPS group, or find another way to connect with other military spouses that works for you.

Raising children in the military is, of course, going to be challenging, there is no sense in sugar-coating that. You want the best for your children, and when you realize they are missing out, that doesn’t feel like the best.

You might feel guilty about certain parts of this lifestyle, you might wish you could go back and give them something they missed out on, and you might not ever feel 100% about the choice to be a military family.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

But in the end, if the love of your life is committed to the military, you can be too. No matter how rocky the road might be.

You can find recourses to help, you can be your children’s steady in a world that doesn’t seem so, and you can take everything one day at a time.

As a mom, you will always do what you can to help your children through life. This doesn’t change just because you are a military family. Every family has challenges, the military life might just be yours.

What are your best tips for raising kids in the military?