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PCSing with a Special Needs Child: Prepare, Plan and Pray!

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Since I am on vacation, I will be having a few people guest post about special needs. If you would like to guest post too…please contact me 🙂

PCSing with a Special Needs Child: Prepare, Plan and Pray!

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 A PCS is a normal part of any military family. It is also a very stressful, hectic and time-consuming process.   Add to the mix a child with special needs and it becomes a huge undertaking.

The normal routine is out the window. For most children and moms, this is not a big deal. They are able to transition from the everyday routine of one home into a new one at the next home. However, our children don’t usually fall into that category and thus our children and us are thrown into what I loving call organized chaos.

For my daughter, routine and consistency is paramount to being able to function and cope with her world. Sometimes, it doesn’t work perfectly but most days it makes the difference in her behavior, ability to regulate her own emotions without redirection, handle transitions and adjust to situations with more ease. Blondie has a pretty set schedule that she understands and is comfortable knowing what to expect every day. This, for the most part, makes it easier for us to help her through any changes or surprises that come up. After all, life isn’t scripted and we can’t expect it to go exactly as we plan or hope am I right moms?

Now, I’m beginning to consider “PCS” a four letter word, loll! Having a child that depends on and thrives with schedule, routine and limited distractions is complicated enough and throwing her into a complete routine /environment/location change is a daunting, intimidating thing (and I’m talking about for me). She, of course, is excited to be exploring a new place. I, on the other hand, know that this initial excitement will be replaced with a long list of feelings, anxiety and difficulty with adjustments as well as transition problems. I know we are looking at some level of regression when it comes to her ability or desire to regulate her emotions and behavior without redirection. I fully know to expect more meltdowns and increased need to have things perfect and heightened sensitivity to noise/fabrics/food/temperature, etc. She definitely seems to handle all of this much better when the day is planned and a normal repetitive schedule.

What can we do to make this PCS less hectic? 

  1.  Plan:
  • PCS Binder:  Organize all your PCS documents, housing information, past and future installation information, etc. into one binder.  Easily accessible and you can keep it with you at all times.
  • School:  Collect all current school records, IEPs, letters from teachers, etc. to pass along to the new school. Contact the new school ASAP and start to get to know the school, forward all current school info and ask for any forms that need to be completed for registration.
  • Medical: Get a personal copy of all medical records from your current location and make a binder for your child. (PCM, specialists, therapists, etc.).  Start to research new providers at the new location.  Contact them for info on waiting list, Tricare and other helpful information.
  • 2.   Prepare:
  • You:  Research as much as possible about all aspects of new location.  Try to have the majority of things in place prior to leaving (get on housing list, reserve temporary housing, have school physicals done, etc.) The less you have to do upon arrival will be a welcome relief.
  • Child: Start discussing the PCS as soon as it is official.  Plan a goodbye party for your child and their friends.  Share information on schools, available activities, sports and more that are available at the new place.  Downplay the negatives about moving but always validate and allow your child to share their emotions and thoughts on leaving as well as being “the new kid”.  Answer all their questions and share the new installation website with your child.  Show pictures and videos so that they know what to expect.
  • Trip: Plan for long car or airline trips.  Prepare games for the ride, snacks, entertainment and comfort.   Don’t rush the trip if you don’t have too.  Stopping at dark to rest, eat and relax will be good for EVERYONE.
  • 3. Pray:  Pray, hope, cross your fingers, etc. Nothing goes perfectly, plan for the unexpected and hope for the best!

 

 

Links: 

Ms. Mommyhh6   www.msmommyhh6.com

Facebook Page www.facebook.com/msmommyhh6

Twitter  www.twitter.com/msmommyhh6

 

526758_368205883241523_831390288_nRaven—AKA Ms. MommyHH6—is an Army wife of 10 years, mother of two beautiful little miracle girls, freelance writer, special needs advocate, avid book reader, social media/tech/Apple geek, and aspiring author. The focus on her blog Ms. MommyHH6 is moms, especially military moms, and special needs moms. Awards include “Top 25 Military Mom Blogs 2012 by Circle of Moms” and “Fort Lee Military Spouse of the Year 2013 by Military Spouse Magazine”.  Her writing has been featured on Care.com, Military OneSource, Homefront United Network, NextGen MilSpouse, Mom-Spot, Military Special Needs Network, Mom It Forward and more.

9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

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9 Ways to Stretch Your Budget When Money’s Really Tight

There are many reasons why a military family could be on a tight budget. They could be saving for a PCS, paying off debt, or simply hit by the economy, where everything seems to be going up in price.

There could be times during military life when you need a super tight budget and when you can spend a bit more. Whatever the reasons, there are things you can do to help you save money, not overspend, and be able to stick to your budget.

Here are 9 ideas for saving money on a tight budget:

Cut Down On Eating Out

Eating out will get you. We are a family of five, and sometimes even fast food costs between $50 and $60. Yikes! If you do this too many times a month, it can add up. If you go out to eat, try to find coupons and use your military discount. Look for kids eat free nights, and be smart about what you order. Try to look at eating out as a treat, not an everyday thing.

Use Coupons

If you don’t already coupon, you should. There are many different ways to do so, from clipping the coupons that come in the mail to using an app like Ibotta. You should also do your research about whether the Commissary is truly cheaper than another grocery store in your area. Sometimes it’s not.

Meet friends for coffee

Going out to lunch or dinner with friends can sometimes cost a pretty penny. If you meet for coffee, you can spend a lot less and still have a good time. And if you have kids, look for coffee shops near a playground. We have a few here at Fort Campbell that have been lifesavers for me over the years.

Shop thrift stores

Thrift stores can be fantastic places for finding deals, whether it is clothes that you know your kids are going to grow out of in less than a year or replacement dishes for your kitchen. Some thrift stores have days when specific items are on sale or when they offer certain discounts. Make sure to check to see if you have an on-post thrift store, too.

Find free events

Almost every community will have something free for you to do every weekend. You just have to look for what they are. You can search for events by city, topic, and date on Facebook. If you want to do something fun with your family, look and see what is going on and what you might want to do. You can have a lot of fun at free events and save money by going to them.

Cut Your Bills

Do you have many unnecessary subscriptions? It’s time to audit them and only keep the ones you really want. Check your other bills to see if you can lower them. Even $50-100 a month can make a difference.

Simply Say No

Saying no is powerful. You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know this is hard for some, but if you can say no sometimes, you will save yourself some stress and some money.

If someone invites you and your kids out to a movie and you don’t want to see it, say no. You could invite the friends over for a playdate instead. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to everything, especially when the more you say yes to the more money you will spend.

DIY vs Hiring Someone

If you can do a DIY project instead of hiring someone, do it. There is a lot of advice and ideas out there for learning how to do things around your home. Check out YouTube and Pinterest for ideas.

Use your library

With a good library, you never really have to buy books. You can get paperback and hardback books, as well as Kindle and audiobooks, using apps like the Libby app. Check with your library to see what they offer. In addition to books, your library might have a lot of community events going on such as movie nights, or even classes.

What creative ways have you been able to cut back on your spending and save money when you are on a tighter budget?

Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

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Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

When I found out I was pregnant, it was not the picture-perfect moment my husband and I had envisioned. There was an image in our minds of an orchestrated and planned reveal. At the very least, we thought we would find out together. But when I took a pregnancy test on a whim a couple of months after we got married, our whole lives changed. We were overjoyed to be parents, but I was also filled with anxiety about what that would look like thousands of miles from home. 

I was symptom-free, but I had a sneaking anxiety in the back of my mind that only a test could quiet. I fully expected it to be as negative as it had been the month before, so I didn’t wait for my husband to come home from work. 

However, instead of the strong, single line that I expected, there was a noticeable second staring back at me. It was the middle of the night on the East Coast, but I immediately video called my mom, holding the test up to the screen. Was I seeing this right? Was that a second line? Even though she was half asleep, she confirmed, yes, I was reading that right. That’s a second line; you’re pregnant. 

I immediately called my husband in tears, overwhelmed by a wave of emotion. When I told him I had just taken a pregnancy test, he promised he would drive back as soon as he could. I found a digital test that gave me my answer in no uncertain terms. I was going to be a mom, and my lifelong dream of starting my own family was coming true. 

I was so happy and had been wanting to be a mom for as long as I could remember. However, I was also so nervous about this pregnancy. Being on a small, relatively remote island means that mothers and babies can be sent to Japan or Hawaii for more intensive and specialized care. I was worried about something going wrong and needing to fly for hours to get the resources my baby or I would need.

My mom had been hospitalized and suffered from severe morning sickness with both of her pregnancies, and I worried I would face similar challenges without my support systems. In this moment of massive change, I ached with homesickness for my mom and all that was familiar. I was on the literal other side of the world, and while I had made peace with that fact, this massive change rocked my confidence. 

When I went in for my first appointment, I was immediately struck by the reality of our projected summer move, which was less than a year away. Sure, there was the to-do list of setting up a nursery that would need to be packed away almost as soon as it was put to use, but there was also the pressure to get our baby a passport as soon as possible to prepare for an overseas move. I was lucky, though, to have my husband with me at every appointment. His calm and confidence were so needed to steady my bundle of nerves before and during those early appointments.

I waited with dread and anxious anticipation for the debilitating morning sickness to arrive, but to my great relief, I was spared from that painful fate. I was nauseous throughout the first trimester, so while I normally enjoyed grocery shopping and cooking dinner, my husband and I had a steady diet of beige colored foods.

Expecting Overseas: Expect the Unexpected

Baked potatoes, crackers, cereal, and toast became my best friends, and while I didn’t always feel my best, I still managed to work part-time and get some errands done. I waited with bated breath for the worst-case scenarios of bed rest and hospitalization, but they never came. I wasn’t feeling like myself, but I was managing. I could sigh with a little relief as I inched closer and closer to the second trimester and things continued to progress without concern.

The scariest moment for me was when I caught the flu at the beginning of my second trimester. I went from feeling fine to having full body aches like I’ve never experienced in my life. Even lying on the bed was painful, but that was all I could manage. My husband came home as early as he could in the evenings, but I spent hours alone, wishing we weren’t such a long and expensive plane ride away from home. While the two weeks of sickness and recovery felt endless, they passed, and our baby was just as healthy as before. I faced down my fears and came out the other side tired but stronger than before. 

In the months that followed, we were able to travel to Saipan, Kyoto, Tokyo, Virginia, and Florida as a couple, and I was able to make a trip to Virginia on my own as well. We had the good fortune of seeing both of our families, and spending time traveling with my husband did me a world of good. With his busy schedule and my transition to part-time and freelance work, it’s been easy to feel lonely, anxious, and unmotivated, but getting to explore new and familiar cities with our favorite people reinvigorated me every time.

I worried before every trip about the plane ride and the possibility of something going wrong, but every time, none of my worst fears proved themselves to be true. I began to believe with real confidence that everything was going to be okay. In fact, it was better than okay. Things were genuinely going well. 

My mom hosted a virtual baby shower for me, and both of our families logged onto Zoom to offer their support. We’ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of our family and friends in the States and our newfound community here in Guam. My husband’s coworkers have been incredibly generous in passing down baby items that their own children have outgrown, and our families and friends have helped to purchase the essentials. Our hallway quickly filled with Amazon deliveries and handmade blankets accompanied by words of love and support. We may not be physically nearby, but we are never far from their hearts. 

We found out that our PCS will be moved to the fall, and having at least two unexpected extra months before our next overseas move has given me infinitely less stress and infinitely more confidence. Traveling with a 5-month-old instead of a 3-month-old doesn’t sound like a big difference, but it means the world when you’re scrambling to get a Social Security card, passport, a reasonable amount of sleep, and enough visits to the pediatrician to assure yourself that a plane ride to another country is a good idea. Again, the things I most feared seemed to be less scary in the light of day. Life, with all of its complexities and curveballs, has a way of working itself out, even when we doubt it will. 

With every obstacle I feared or faced, it felt as though a guardian angel had been watching over our baby girl and us. My anxieties have been assuaged as each day passes without catastrophe, and while there’s been bumps in the road, homesickness, and the discomforts that come with pregnancy, there’s been such a growing excitement and peace as the due date creeps ever closer.

Giving birth overseas was not something I had planned for, and while my heart aches that we’ll be crossing milestones so far from our family, I know we have so much to look forward to when we get to visit (and eventually move back to) the States. While military marriages are filled with unexpected obstacles and unique challenges, life has a way of offering us support and strength when we need it the most. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

Interested in writing your own guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life?

15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

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15 Quotes to Get You Through Difficult Times

Deployments, PCSing, missing friends, missing loved ones, feeling homesick, and dealing with the day to day life can be a bit much some times. We are all only human after all. I love that reading other people’s words can help us through difficult times, at least in some small way.

Wise words from others who have been through difficult times. Wise words from others who get it. Wise words that we can take with us in the future, through other difficult times.

Here are 15 of them that might just help you through whatever it is you are dealing with, whether it is trying to homeschool your children when you never signed up for that, or waiting for an extended deployment to be over.

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.” – Dr. Seuss

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin to Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”- Dale Carnegie

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”- Haruki Murakami

“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path, and you will find you have crossed the mountain.” – Author Unknown

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”- Vivian Greene

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We are all dealing with a challenge of some kind. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”- Karen Salmansohn

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

“Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” – Maya Angelou

What are your favorite quotes for going through difficult times???

5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

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5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

Sometimes life just sucks. It gets frustrating. You are going about your business, expecting a certain outcome and something gets in your way.

You have hopes and dreams and then realize they will be harder to achieve than you first thought. You just want to get through the day without feeling sad but you can’t help your emotions. This happens to all of us.

Whether you feel that way is because of your family, career, or even a failed friendship, life can feel really difficult sometimes. When you get bad news you want to just curl up in your bed and try not to think about what is going on.

Bad days are hard but when you have one, try to remember this…

Tomorrow is another day

You never know what it will bring. Saturday could be horrible but that doesn’t mean that Sunday has to be. Focus on the positive things that have happened to you recently and have hope that tomorrow is a much better day.

Most likely it will be and the sad day won’t last forever. Most likely, the next day will bring more good things than bad. And that is something to look forward to.

You are not alone

There are others going through what you are. There are others going through much worse. This isn’t the first time that whatever has happened to you has happened.

Many people have come before you and gone through it before. If you are dealing with a certain issue, talking to someone who has gone through that issue before can help. They can give you some perspective and tips on getting through it.

When it comes to military spouses, we have been through it all. We understand what it is like to miss someone so badly, we understand what it is like to have to say goodbye to a good friend, we understand what it is like to have to prepare to send someone to fight in a war.

Take a breath

Sometimes stopping and spending time by yourself can really help you get your mind in a better place. Writing in a journal and saying some prayers can go a long way in making life a little better. This is especially important if you find yourself overreacting about certain things.

Taking time for yourself can allow you to calm down and get to a more peaceful place. Find things you like to do, whether that is reading a good book, messaging a friend, or even going for a long walk. Taking care of your own needs can help you get back on track and give you the perspective you need to keep going.

Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others is a hard habit to break. This can happen a lot within your military spouse life. Watching someone else’s spouse come home before yours can trigger this. Watching another military family PCS when you wish it was you can cause jealousy.

Comparing your situation with others, or getting stuck in a jealousy cycle can really make for a terrible day. Try to think of what you have and not what you don’t. Focus on what you have going on and what is in store for you.

No, maybe you don’t get to PCS right now like the family down the street but your time will come, and until then work on trying to bloom where you are currently stationed. That can make all the difference in your mood.

Be Flexible

One of the biggest reasons someone might have a bad day is because things didn’t go as planned. If you can be flexible about your desires, you have a better chance of letting them go. Think about all of your options and go from there. Remember that your first choice might not even be the best choice and there could be better things ahead.

Bad days are the worst. Not being able to share them with your spouse when they are gone can make them even more so. Try to do what you can to get yourself out of your funk. It will be worth it and you will feel much better about whatever problem you are dealing with.

If you do find yourself with too many sad days in a row, or that you can’t get away from them, make sure to seek help. Military One Source has some good resources to help.

What do YOU do to feel better when you having a bad day???

What I Wish I Knew Before My Spouse Became a Recruiter

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Happy to have this guest post by April on her experiences while her spouse was a military recruiter. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Recruiting duty, like a lot of other things in the military, has some awesome perks but also some tough drawbacks.

Before my husband volunteered, all I knew was he was non-deployable, and that was pretty dang important after coming off of a year being separated because of his PCS to Korea for which I was not approved to go with.

I didn’t know anyone who had been a recruiter who I could talk to in order to gain somewhat of a perspective of what to expect. So, we were basically going in blind. My husband was stationed in Central Oregon, nowhere near a military installation.

Here are four things I wish I knew going into recruiting duty, and I hope they will help prepare you better than I was.

1) Recruiting duty is stressful, and the hours are long.

There were many 14-16 hour days, 6-day workweeks, and overnights to trainings and MEPS. I was thankful we were together as a family, but I was not prepared for how much the job would take a toll on my spouse. It was all about numbers and making so many phone call attempts, which left my husband little control over his schedule, and that left me never knowing when he would be home or when he might have to leave overnight.

There is definitely some of that in the regular Army, but the unpredictability of the daily schedule taught me to just let go, or at least attempt to let go, of all expectations of a standard mealtime or time when my husband would walk through the front door. He also had a government phone, and so he was constantly getting phone calls and texts from coworkers and applicants. 

2) The service member is non-deployable!

The biggest perk for me, coming off of a year apart with a small child, was that my husband was never gone for more than a few months at a time. We had another baby while he was on recruiting because we could guarantee he would be home for the birth. It was glorious to not have to worry about a deployment for three years.

3) You may be stationed nowhere near a military installation.

The closest one to us was a four-hour drive, and so we didn’t get any of the amenities we were used to when we had a post nearby. Groceries were more expensive, and childcare was difficult to find. Because of not being near a military installation, there was a sense of isolation.

We didn’t have a ton of military families who knew what we were going through close by that we could lean into for support and friendship, and there wasn’t a post that had activities we could go to in order to stay busy or meet other people. We had to work really hard, and in ways we hadn’t had to before, in order to build a community around us.

4) Yes, you may not be near a military installation, but help is out there!

You should still have a SFRG, you probably will rarely see them in person. There should be a representative for families at some level, you might just have to ask around to find that person. And there are spouses that are already there and have been there a while, ask them! They will know which grocery store has the cheapest groceries and possibly a good daycare for your child. You just have to be brave and ask around.

Recruiting duty is unique in a lot of ways, good and hard. Being on the tail end of it, I can see all the great things it allowed our family to do, and in the ways, it pushed us out of our comfort zones. 

April is a mom to two girls, wife to a soldier turned Air National Guard member and lives in Central Oregon. Her husband transitioned from active duty to the guard last year, and they are very much still in the trenches of transition. She loves to read, write, and be outdoors in their beautiful state. Military life is hard, and she has a passion for making it easier for others, however she can. You can find her at Mercy and Healing.

Moving When Your Spouse is Deployed? Here Are Some Hacks to Help You Out

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Moving While Your Spouse Is Deployed: Hacks To Make The Process Easier

So your spouse is deployed, and you are tasked with moving you and your family to your new PCS assignment. You’re probably pretty stressed, right? 

Moving is a daunting task, and when your spouse is unable to be there to help you do the work, the process can become even more overwhelming. Fortunately, with a little preparation and a calm attitude, you can get your family moved to your new location and still maintain your sanity!

Keep Everything Organized

The worst mistake you can make when moving is being disorganized. Especially if you have children, you can’t afford to be unprepared for each step of the process. 

Make a List For Everything 

It all begins with the organization– make a list for just about everything. List out all of the things you will need to do before you even start packing, such as your preferred moving service, costs associated with the move, personal items you will need for the trip, etc. These will all need to be decided ahead of time. It’s worth the extra time to make sure that the moving process starts on a good footing. 

Identify What is Most Valuable to You

Keep a list of your most valuable items, such as electronics, jewelry, family heirlooms, and sentimental belongings. It’s common for possessions to be damaged, lost, or sometimes even stolen during the moving process. Keeping a checklist of these items to ensure they make it through the move safely will prove to be beneficial.

  1. Set Aside the Essentials

Another helpful tip for planning your move is to pack the essential items that you will need right when you get to your new home separately, such as toiletries, phone chargers, a change of clothes, and some food. The last thing you’ll want after traveling to your new home is to have to dig through boxes to find the things you need to get settled in that first night. To make things even easier and time-efficient for yourself and your family, you can have these essentials delivered to your new address while you are en route. This way, not only can you get settled into your new home quicker, but you won’t have to pack all of those items and lug them with you during your move.

  1. Pack Unused Items First 

Perhaps the best place to start packing is with your spouse’s belongings. While they are deployed, they won’t need any of the items they left behind and probably won’t for a while until after they return home. 

Holiday decorations are another good place to start if you are moving well in advance of the holidays. Anything that you can’t see yourself or your family using within the first month of living in your new home should be packed away first. From there, you can pack more and more of your belongings as your moving date approaches, leaving your immediate needs to be packed last.

Use Your Resources

  1. Utilize Military-Hired Movers

If you’re feeling exceptionally overwhelmed by the thought of moving yourself and your children all on your own, look to external resources for help. The military does offer help with packing and moving your belongings to your new home. It could be very helpful to get a few additional adults to help you with the process of packing and moving. Especially if this service comes at little to no cost to you, you might as well make use of the help. 

  1. Get Your Kids Involved

Including your children in the entirety of the moving process can help them cope with their own stress associated with uprooting their lives. This can be very beneficial for your family as a whole. Whether your children are very young, or young adults, there are a few things children of nearly any age can do to help with packing and moving. 

For the little ones, you can give them the assignment of collecting their favorite belongings and setting them aside to be packed separately. Doing so will make it easier for your child to feel more at ease during the move knowing that their favorite things are safe and easily accessible once they get to their new home. 

For slightly older children, you can give them even more practical assignments from house hunting to packing up the entirety of their bedroom. It’s important that your kids feel as though they have some choice and control over the situation in order to feel better about leaving their friends and school life behind. 

Take it Slow

Moving without your spouse there to be involved in the process can be very emotional for you and your family. The stress of moving, missing your loved one, solo parenting, and uprooting your family can be exhausting. 

For this reason, getting help from movers and your family members is going to make a big difference in the emotional exhaustion this process may cause. Don’t try to do everything on your own, and don’t try to get everything done in only a few days either. Once you get to your new home, take your time moving in and getting settled. Remember, there’s no time limit on unpacking.

No matter what, moving is inevitable for military spouses, as is moving while your spouse is deployed. While you probably wish you could avoid relocating on your own, it’s best to have a solid plan for doing so. Try out a few of these hacks the next time you are assigned to a new duty station, and above all else, stay calm!

When They Are Deployed During a Pandemic

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When They Are Deployed During a Pandemic

You knew 2020 meant a deployment, and you tried to prepare yourself for the time apart, but then, 2020 took a turn and you found yourself saying goodbye right as the world started to change.

You had no idea what this would mean for the deployment, or what this would mean for you and your kids back at home. You just knew a deployment during a pandemic was going to add another layer of stress, on an already stressful situation.

As the deployment got started, and everything started to close down, you just weren’t sure how long it would all last. Hopefully not too long? But as the numbers climbed, you knew this was something that would be impossible to plan.

Whenever your spouse goes away, you always have a plan. Stay busy! Find things for the kids to do! Get out of the house.

But then, most of that was canceled. The soccer games you knew you would have each Saturday, helping you get through your weekend, were canceled. Going to church wasn’t a way to connect with others, but instead, a service online in your living room. You couldn’t rely on all those playdates that got you through the last deployment.

And as time goes on you start to feel so lost. Day after day, it’s the same thing. Day after day, you have to find new ways to get through a deployment. The old ways don’t apply anymore.

Before your spouse left, you told yourself it would be okay because this time you would have kids in school all day, only to have them home right before spring break, and still be home months later.

Before your spouse left you had looked forward to visiting your family in the summer, but now, that trip has been canceled. And you aren’t sure when you can rebook.

Before your spouse left, you had a long list of things you and the kids were going to do. Your bucket list was long, but now on a few things are possible.

As time goes on, you start to worry a bit. A few friends are dealing with delayed homecomings, and you wonder if that will happen to your spouse, when it is their time to come home.

As a military spouse, you have been through many types of frustrating situations. From a delayed PCS to an extended deployment, but this deployment during a pandemic thing is a lot to deal with. Almost too much.

You wonder how long it will last, both the deployment and the pandemic.

You wonder what can really help because staying busy is now a lot more challenging.

You wonder how this will affect your kids and what you can do to help them.

As you wake up each morning, you try to think of the positives about what is going on. The good things. The happy things.

But some mornings, that’s just too hard. Some mornings, that is just too much. Some mornings, you wish you could hit the fast forward button so that all of this would be over and you could get back to your normal life.

You hope time goes by a little faster than it is. You try to do the best that you can do because that is all you can do. You hope this never happens again, and that once it is over, you can come out a stronger person, able to take on whatever military life brings at you.

So many may be struggling with a deployment during a pandemic. The National Guard has been called up for various reasons, and some have AT coming up soon. Others are preparing for a deployment during this crazy time.

None of this is easy, and it has taken us all by surprise. From delayed PCS moves, to not being able to travel like normal, the pandemic has affected military life in many ways.

Know that if you are dealing with any of this, you are not alone. Some of what has worked in the past won’t work right now, but you still have things you can do to get through it.

You might not be able to get together with friends, but texts and video chats can help.

You might not be able to visit your family, but setting up a weekly Zoom call can help keep you connected over the miles.

You might not be able to stay busy in the ways you have before, but you can take this time to find other ways to do, either at home or in nature of some kind.

It might seem that this is our new normal, and no one really knows how long we will be living in pandemic mode. But no matter what happens, the deployment will eventually end, and things will change.

2020 will eventually end, and hopefully, future years will be a bit easier on all of us.