Solo parenting was one of the first things I experienced as a new military spouse. And as challenging as I found it, I learned quickly that I would be doing a lot of solo parenting in the years to come. Sometimes it would be for long periods of time as in the case of deployments, and other times for just a weekend of a few weeks of training as a National Guard spouse.
There is no one perfect way to get through times of solo parenting. Sometimes you just take that season of your life one day at a time. Here are 25 quick tips for solo parenting through a deployment to help you on your military spouse journey:
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Really. Try to let it go as much as possible.
- Keep any important documents you might need in a safe and handy spot. If you need a birth certificate, you will know exactly where to go to get it.
- Track all appointments, activities, and events. Write it all down. You are the only adult and you can’t possibly remember everything.
- Make daily, weekly, and monthly to-do lists. This also goes with writing everything down.
- Plan your meals in advance. Get pizza once a week. Have sandwich nights.
- Create an arts and crafts center in your home. Have the kids make stuff to send to the deployed parent. Plus, it’s a good way to keep them busy on boring days.
- Go to the library. Check out some books. Figure out what programs they have. Libraries are great places and offer a lot of things to do.
- Plan multiple playdates a week. Your kids will love it, and so will you. Still meeting people? Go to the park and try to find new friends, for both you and your kids.
- Celebrate all the things. Birthdays, holidays, 50 days in, etc. Celebrate it all! In any way you want.
- Have virtual parties including your service member.
- Send fun care packages. Allow the kids to help you.
- Keep up with all medical appointments, including your own. You don’t want to get behind.
- Have a list of phone numbers you can call in an emergency situation. Can anyone watch your kids if you have to go to the ER? Who do you call if you need a plumber? Having all these numbers together will give you a bit of peace of mind even if you never have to use them.
- Encourage your children to talk about how they are feeling during the deployment. This time apart from one parent can be hard on them too, however, each child handles deployments differently.
- Create movie nights or pizza nights. Invite friends and neighbors. Create those fun memories with you and your kids.
- Figure out ways to have one-on-one time with each child if you have more than one. Maybe that is taking one for ice cream while the other is in school, or letting an older child stay up for special time with you.
- Continue your bedtime routines, but tweak them a little to make them work a bit better while your spouse is away. This could mean moving them up by 30 minutes or adding special prayers for the deployment parent.
- Remember, self-care is important, even if you have to be creative to find ways to get it. Take some time for yourself in any way you can. Maybe it is having a nice bubble bath, maybe it is just sitting out on your balcony for 15 minutes after bedtime, but find ways to relax. You will need it during seasons of solo parenting.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I know this is hard to do. But sometimes we do need that help from someone else.
- Find hobbies you can focus on. Hobbies that make you smile and bring you joy.
- Create a chore chart for your kids, even preschoolers can do something to help. You can all work together to run the household.
- Create a deployment budget. Especially if your service member will be making extra money during the deployment. You want to make sure you are making your money work for you and not just spending without thinking, which can be easy to do. Save, pay down debt, and allow yourself some grace when it comes to what you spend.
- Make a list of people you can call just to chat with when you are feeling down. Find people, either family or friends, that will listen to you vent, and encourage you as a solo parent.
- Find local support groups or other types of groups to keep meeting people. You can even find online support groups.
- Go for a walk. Walk around your neighborhood, the mall, or a local park. Whatever works. Try to get out and walk on a regular basis. Not only is walking good exercise, it is also good for the soul.