Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse Is In The Military
One of the hardest parts of being a Military spouse is when your husband or wife is away from you. They can be gone for a few weeks, a few months or even up to a year. In some cases even longer. When you are dealing with that plus dealing with anxiety, life can feel like too much at times.
I never realized how bad my anxiety could get until right before our 4th deployment.
I have always been a bit of a worrier. I worry about silly little things that my husband just can’t understand. I have a hard time with driving. If I haven’t ever been to the place before, if it is too far from home or if I have to drive somewhere at night, it can be very hard for me to do so. I have really had to work hard because I can’t always get a ride somewhere and there are places we want or need to go. We have to stay home sometimes because of it.
I worry about silly things with my kids. Usually, when my husband is home, I can just ask him what he thinks and then I can calm down and it isn’t a big deal. When he is deployed, I can’t do that so it makes it worse. I get anxious about my car when I park it somewhere new. I get anxious about locking my front door, did I remember to do it? I get anxious about a lot of little things that I get mad at myself for.
Right before our 4th deployment, I knew I needed to do something about it.
I didn’t see how I could get through the time apart without upping my game a little bit. I had friends to hang out with, kids to keep me busy, projects to work on but that wasn’t going to be enough this time. It just wasn’t.
I ended up talking to my doctor about what was going on and she suggested medication. I am not against meds all together but I wasn’t sure if they were right for me. I really went back and forth about taking them. I decided I wanted to see how counseling would work before I tried medication.
So I started going to see someone. Thank goodness Tricare paid for it. It was the best thing I could have done. I am not going to say that all my anxiety went away, it didn’t but talking to someone really helped me. , n ways nothing else could.
If I ever get to where I feel the way I did back then, I would go see someone again in a heartbeat.
Anxiety is rough, and for me, a deployment made it a lot worse.
Studies have found that wives of deployed soldiers are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions which was no surprise to me. Or to anyone who has been through a deployment. Dealing with anxiety during a deployment can be rough for those going through it.
The issue with anxiety is so much more than just worrying. We all might worry about our spouses being in a war zone. Anxiety goes much further than that and should be taken more seriously.
We can’t just pray anxiety away or go out with friends to get rid of it. Anxiety is something we have to work at on a daily basis. Anxiety can ruin your whole day. Anxiety can make life so much more difficult.
So what should you do if you struggle with anxiety and your spouse is in the Military?
You need to take steps to figure out how you are going to get through what you are dealing with. If your spouse is going to make the Military a career, you will have to figure something out. For some it might be moving back home, others might need to take medication or seeing a counselor and some might need to do everything in order to get to a better place. Don’t be ashamed and try to seek help if you can.
The Military does have some resources for you too. You can visit the Tricare page to see what your options are. Military One Source is also a great resource for more information.
Remember that you are only human and if you feel like you need extra help, ask for that help. Admitting this can be difficult but important. You will be a better spouse, a better parent, and a better friend if you can get the help you need.
Do you struggle from anxiety? How do you deal with it all when going through something difficult like a deployment?
I’ve struggled with it on and off. It really kicked off for me around DH’s first deployment. While he was gone I worried about all sorts of things, namely my cat’s health (OMG they are sleeping slightly different than normal! Something MUST be wrong), as well as my health, and as we were in NC I especially worried about tornadoes (I am legit terrified of them, for no particular reason other than they are legit terrifying). For the things I could plan for I had plans in action, which paid off as we did have several tornado warnings, including one that touched down not a mile from us. The cats and I were in the tub, they in their carriers covered with a blanket and me.
Since then it’s been on and off for me. Right now I’m in a pretty good place with my anxiety, but it still can be a challenge. What I found helpful was stopping behaviors that reinforce my anxiety (like NO webMD) and planning for events that could happen (Ex. severe weather, we had our share of it in NC).
*hugs* to you. I can totally relate to worrying about the cats. It is way too easy for me to do that about things. I really have to step back and remember that everything is probably just fine. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life and depression off on, but never went to a doctor for any of it and was never diagnosed or prescribed anything. Since marrying my husband, my anxiety has gone through the roof. I can’t handle lack of control and with us having a military life, I feel like I have zero control over my life and everything in it which stresses me out A LOT. My husband and I just found out his overseas orders just got changed 2 weeks ago (8 weeks before we were set to leave of our new duty station) and we will now be spending the next 12 months in separate countries and my anxiety over it has been out of control. I’m strongly debating on taking some yoga classes and/or possibly seeing a therapist over the next year to help me handle it all.
Oh 🙁 I would totally encourage you to see someone. Just being able to talk it all out with someone else is so nice. Our last deployment hit me hard and I am so glad I was able to see someone about it.
I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life and started struggling with depression during my wife’s first deployment. She was deployed for six months and during that time I started to not feel like myself. I didn’t do anything about it and she came home and everything was okay again. But about 9 months later she was deployed again and the depression and anxiety hit me like a tsunami. I had to go talk to a counselor and start taking some medications to help deal with everything. I was making a lot of progress by the time she came home and it has been the best I’ve felt in a long time. But now we found out that we are getting pcsed to Germany for 3 years and now I feel like I can barely function again. My wife is super excited about it. She has wanted to go to Germany her whole life. This makes it so much harder because I really don’t want to go. I have no interest in visiting foreign countries or drinking a lot of beer. A good day for me is going out for a walk. On a bad day I don’t want to leave the house and hope no one comes over to bother me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring myself to crush her dreams by asking to try and get out of the orders but I don’t know if I can handle 3 years over there. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Steven.
What exactly about Germany are you worried the most about? Do you know where you are supposed to be going? Have you looked at that area online for photos and to see what the area is like? I would start there.