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10 Things I Have Learned About Marriage During The Last 10 Years

May 7, 2012 by Julie 12 Comments

10 things I have learned about marriage the last 10 years

In August, my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage! 10 whole years, a decade! We were 10 years younger when we decided we wanted to spend our lives together. We have been through a lot of things I would never have imagined. We have spent about 3 years of those 10 apart. That seriously breaks my heart but at least it wasn’t three years in a row. We have both grown and changed over the years. I can now look at my husband and instead of saying, “I want to grow old with you” I can say, “I love growing old with you.” Because let’s face it, when I look at our wedding pictures I see two younger versions of ourselves and it is very obvious that time has passed and that we are in the process of growing old together.

So what have I learned about marriage the last 10 years?

1) What works for one couple might not work for another. You hear a lot of advice about what a marriage should look like or what you should do about x,y or z. From TVs in your room to how often you go on a date! It’s nice to get advice about marriage but it might not all apply and that is okay.

2) Deployments can make a marriage stronger. I believe this can happen because it happened to us. I feel very lucky for this because I know how hard deployments can be on marriages. I am just thankful that deployments have not pushed us apart but made us stronger.

3) Kids change your marriage. They do. From what you do on a daily basis to how you view your spouse. When we had kids I got to see my husband in a new “Daddy” role. He gets to see me as a “Mommy.” It is different from our “husband” and “wife” roles.

4) Laughing together is good. My husband loves to make me laugh. Even when I am mad he can seem to make me smile. It’s good for us.

5) Let the little things go. I can find myself getting frustrated about the littlest things but I have learned it is best just to let them go.

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

6) I can do things without him. When he is gone, I can function. I can my kids and I halfway around the world without him. I can give birth without him. I can do a lot on my own. Doesn’t mean I like to do things this way, but I can.

7) Sometimes life gets really really hard. Sometimes it just isn’t the way I would have planned it. That can be so frustrating but in the end, I am glad we have each other to get through it.

8 ) When you were raised differently you will see the world differently and that might be challenging. We were both raised by parents who loved us and loved God very much but the overall our childhoods were very different and we sometimes see things very differently. This can be frustrating but we just have to take a step back and realize where the other person is coming from.

9) I made the right choice. Way back in 2001 when I said yes to marry this man, I made the right choice. He is the right one for me and I am the right one for him.

10) Trust goes a very long way. We both trust each other. I trust him, he trusts me. I can’t imagine going through what we have been through without it.

Family

How long have you been married? What have you learned in that time?

 

Filed Under: Marriage, Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: army wife, army wife blog, life in the military, marriage, military life

Too Much Deployment

March 15, 2012 by Julie 7 Comments

Yellow Ribbons

I am sure by now you have heard about what happened in Afghanistan. An Army staff sergeant shot and killed 16 Afghan civilians, including nine children 🙁

There are a lot of reasons why people think this happened. Maybe he had been deployed too much, maybe he was having too many personal problems, maybe he just went crazy or maybe he just did something awful.

One of the first things I thought when I heard about this is that he probably had been deployed too much and for too long.

And he isn’t the only person to be in that position. There are a lot of Military men and women that have simply spent too much time over there. They are not given enough time at home. Not everyone can handle that although some can. What should the Military do about it?

Back in 2007, we were a part of a deployment extension. Our 9-month deployment got pushed to 12 months and then to 15. I still remember sitting with some ladies right after the news hit. We were in shock. We could not believe that our husbands were going to be deployed that long. Some friends of mine got pregnant on R&R and assumed that their husbands would be there for the birth. Not only did the husbands miss the births but they came home to 2-month-olds. My middle son was born in the middle of this deployment. Ben came home from R&R when he was 3 days old and said goodbye to him when he was about 2.5 weeks old. He didn’t see him again until he was 11 months old. I knew of other people that went over a year between R&R and homecoming. And then there is what happened up in Alaska. Some of the Soldiers had just come home, others about to leave for home and some still in Iraq.  All to be told that they were to spend four more months in Iraq.

The thing about this is that even though this was in 2007 and even though Ben has been deployed two more times since then, that 15-month deployment still stings. That was just too long of a time to have a husband deployed. Too long to have him in a war zone without any break. It was hard to them, especially when they hit the year point. They should have been getting ready to go home but they still had a few more months to go.

HomecomingI pray so hard that we never have to go through something like that again. When your husband joins the Military, you know they will be gone but you are still human and super long deployments just break you.

And now, it is 2012 and I think, “How did I get through that?  How did I go so long without my husband?”  I guess somehow you just get through things because you have to.

When I hear stories like the one up above I want to ask the Military to please make things a little easier for everyone. Please try harder to give people longer periods of time at home. Try your best to avoid sending anyone there over a year. And please, help those that are having trouble after deployments heal before they have to go back for another tour. I hope that is not asking too much.

Filed Under: Deployment, Military Life Tagged With: army wife, army wife blog, military life, military wife, surviving deployment

A Military Wife

May 20, 2010 by Julie 1 Comment

A Military Wife

 

 

A Military Wife

 

Lots of moving…
Moving…
Moving……

Moving far from home…
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog…all riding with HER of course….
Moving sofas to basements because they won’t go in THIS house;
Moving curtains that won’t fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories.
Often waiting…
Waiting…
Waiting…
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions.
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive.
Waiting for him to come home,
For dinner…AGAIN!
They call her ‘Military Dependent’, but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent.
She can balance a check book;
Handle the yard work;
Fix a noisy toilet;
Bury the family pet…
She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes;
Sell a house;
Buy a car;
Or set up a move…
…..all with ONE Power of Attorney.
She welcomes neighbors that don’t welcome her.
She reinvents her career with every PCS;
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south.
And learns to call them all ‘home’.
She MAKES them all home.
Military Wives are somewhat hasty…
They leap into:
Decorating,
Leadership,
Volunteering,
Career alternatives,
Churches,
And friendships.
They don’t have 15 years to get to know people.
Their roots are short but flexible.
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.
Military Wives quickly learn to value each other:
They connect over coffee,
Rely on the spouse network,
Accept offers of friendship and favors.
Record addresses in pencil…
Military Wives have a common bond:

The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his commitment is unique.
He doesn’t have a ‘JOB’
He has a ‘MISSION’ that he can’t just decide to quit…
He’s on-call for his country 24/7.
But for her, he’s the most unreliable guy in town!
His language is foreign
TDY
PCS
OPR
SOS
ACC
BDU
ACU
BAR
CIB
TAD
ABU
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long- distance link to keep them informed;
the glue that holds them together.
A Military Wife has her moments:
She wants to wring his neck;
Dye his uniform pink;
Refuse to move to Siberia;
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days,
A travel brochure,
A long hot bath,
A pledge to the flag,
A wedding picture,
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.
Why?
What for?
How come?
You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man,
Who puts duty first,
Who longs to deploy,
Who salutes the flag,
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband,
She will remain his military wife.
And would have it no other way.
–Author Unknown

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: army wife, army wife blog, Deployment, military life, military living, military spouse, military wife, military wives

Grandma in her Army Wife Days

February 5, 2010 by Julie Leave a Comment

 

 

1943???

Army Wife From World War 2

This is my Grandma Ruth.  She was an Army wife too although for a shorter time.  But it wasn’t easy.  My grandparents got married and about 6 weeks later he went off to fight in World War 2. He didn’t get to come home for 3 years.  No R&R, no email, no Yahoo.  I just can’t even imagine what that would have been like.  On the back of this photo, there is a stamp that says “Passed by the Army Examiner”  So I can only guess she mailed him this photo while he was gone.

When I was about 13 years old she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease 🙁  She passed away when I was 24.

When I was a little girl I asked Grandma how long she would live.  She told me she would live long enough to see me get married.  I feel like she kept that promise in a way even though she wasn’t physically at the wedding.  She died about 7 months after my wedding.  She also met my husband which was so important to me.  I have no idea if she even knew what was going on when he met her because by that point she really wasn’t there anymore at all.  A part of me believes she could have known deep down that this was the man that was going to marry her Granddaughter and she just couldn’t show any response because of the disease.

She would be turning 90 this year. There are so many things I want to talk to her about. So many questions about being an Army wife during that war that I will never be able to ask.

 

Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: army wife, army wife blog, photography

Things to do in Germany with Kids : Playmobil Park

January 26, 2010 by Julie 2 Comments

Playmobil Park

I grew up playing with Playmobil and I love the stuff.  We have been collecting it the whole time we have been married.  Now both of my boys LOVE it.  It is everywhere in Germany and they even have a Theme park.  We took the boys there for my son’s 4th birthday.

There are so many fun things for the kids to do.  It’s great!  Lots of water play and climbing fun.  They also have this huge inside area where they have almost every set they ever made for the kids to play with.  It is all set up by theme too.  So pirates in one section, Egypt in another.  They even have places for the toddlers to play with the special toddler sets.  I believe that part is open throughout the whole year but the outside stuff is closed in the wintertime.

Here is the link for all my friends living in Germany…

Playmobil Park in Germany

It is just outside of Nürnberg.

They also have one in France, Malta, Greece, Palm Beach & Orlando.  Playmobil Parks

Playmobil Park in Germany

Playmobil Park in Germany

Playmobil Park in Germany

Playmobil Park in Germany

Playmobil Park

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Playmobil Park

Playmobil Park

Playmobil Park

Playmobil Park

Playmobil Park

Playmobil Park

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Stationed in Germany, Stationed Overseas Tagged With: army wife blog, germany, military living, military wife

Auf Wiedersehen and Goodbye

January 6, 2010 by Julie Leave a Comment

Life in Germany

We have less than 2 months in Germany! About 8 weeks left!  In some ways, it seems hard to believe.  That we will get on an airplane and our time here will be over. On the other hand, it is a long time coming and I am so ready to live in the US again.

I will miss the bakeries, the church bells and the whole experience of living somewhere in Europe however I am really looking forward to a lot of things I have missed.

Here is my list:

Target

Starbucks (They have these in Germany but not anywhere near where we live)

Favorite Restaurants

Non APO address

Finding a real church to attend

American Houses (I think the German style is cool but just isn’t for me)

Not struggling with not knowing the language

A new cell phone

Not living 30 whole minutes from anything American

Not having it cost over $3,000 to go home and see my family

Having my family be able to come visit often

Only being 2 hours time difference from my family

Seeing my friends in KY again.  It’s been 4 years 🙁

Barnes and Noble

The mall

Not feeling the pressure to go out and see something because it is Europe.  (This might sound weird but being in Germany I feel like we have to go out and see things all the time and when we don’t I feel like I am not taking advantage of living here.  And that is just stressful to me.)

Stores open late and on Sundays

Mail being delivered to my own house

Being able to sell on Ebay again

Going to Old Navy vs having to order online

Did I say Target?

There are reasons that I am “done” here that have more to do with where we live in Germany vs Germany itself.  Living out in the middle of nowhere is no fun in the winter with all this snow.  And since we only have 1 car too, that makes it even harder.

So the next few weeks will be spent getting ready for the movers and all that fun stuff.  I am excited.  It is time to go.  And as I write this I start to cry because we do have to say goodbye.  We will no longer live in this house.  No longer see the friends I have made here.   And the chapter in our lives called “Germany” will be over. So many mixed emotions.  So many memories the last 4 years, both good and bad.  Germany is where my son was born and where my love of photography turned into a passion.  It is where we had our first & second deployments and it will always have a special place in my heart.

But it’s time to move on and make new memories in a new place.  And I can finally see what it is like to be an Army Wife in the United States.

Auf Wiedersehen 🙂

 

Filed Under: Stationed in Germany, Stationed Overseas Tagged With: army wife, army wife blog, germany, stationed overseas

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

 

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I first became a military spouse in 2005 when my husband of 3 years re-joined the Army. Then, in 2014, he joined the National Guard. In January of 2024, he retired from the National Guard after 21 years of service.

During our time in the military, we got to spend 4 years in Germany as well as Tennessee where we now call home.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you through my articles and social media posts.

 

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