On ETSing and Getting Out of the Military

ETSing, this stands for expiration – term of service. An ETS date is the last day of the service member’s contract. ETSing can happen for many different reasons. A service member might choose not to re-enlist, they may have to get out for medical reasons, the service member is going to retire from the Military or when they are forced out earlier than they had planned.

My husband went through ETSing in 2014. Almost 2.5 years have gone by since that day and we have been working towards our new after Army normal ever since. My husband is still in the Army, he joined the Guard the day after he got out of active duty. We also still live at our last duty station. Because of this, we are still a military family, can still shop at the Commissary and can relate to a lot of what Active duty families experience.

However, there are differences. We pay for our Insurance, we are not always included in everything Active duty is, my husband usually puts on his uniform once a month, we will not be PCSing anytime soon and we would not be allowed to live on post here.

Over the last 2.5 years, we have had to navigate these post-active duty waters the best way that we know how. There have been moments when I have wondered if he should have stayed in. There are times I am glad he did get out when he did. There are also a lot of emotions that you go through when making this change.

If your spouse is going to be ETSing soon or you guys are talking about going that way, you will need to prepare yourself a bit. Life after the military isn’t a picnic. Life after an ETS can be very stressful. However, for a lot of people, ETSing is the best choice. Whether they have been serving in the active duty military for 3 years or 20.

Here are some things to think about when you ETS:

• Finding Their Place- After being in the military for many years, finding a place in the civilian world can be difficult. Some military jobs work well outside the military and others are harder to transition from. Finding your place after the military can take longer than you think it might and won’t happen overnight.

• Where to Live- You have a big decision to make before your ETS. Where will you live? If you live on post, you will have to move. If you don’t, you could stay, but would you want to? You and your spouse will need to talk about your options and where you want to be.

• Medical Worries- When you leave active duty, your insurance is going to change. This can be a big difference from what you are used to. From having to pay a certain amount per month to paying more when you go to appointments. Ideally, one of you will have a job with good insurance but that doesn’t always happen. As much as a headache Tricare can be, you will probably miss it when it is gone.

• Jobs- Finding a good job after the military is important. If your spouse that is leaving the military can find a good job right away, that is great but the job search can be difficult for some people. Even after finding a job, it might not be the right one and can take a while to get there. Looking for jobs before the ETS is a good idea and can help your service member have a more smooth transition once they do ETS.

• Missing Active Duty- After your ETS you and your spouse might start to miss parts of Active duty life. This is true even if you couldn’t wait until they got out. The lifestyle, the regular paychecks, the security, etc. Saying goodbye to all of that can be difficult. After some time you will get more used to being away from the Military. Give yourself some time and know it is okay to mourn leaving the military after you have moved on.

Getting out of the military is a big transition. You will have to get used to your new life. Just like when you first started this military journey, it will take some time and patience before you figure out how that post-military life is going to look and how everything is going to work out.

Will you be ETSing soon? What are you most worried about?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

• Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.

• What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.

• Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.

• How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.

• Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?