Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

ETSing

On ETSing and Getting Out of the Military

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On ETSing and Getting Out of the MilitaryOn ETSing and Getting Out of the Military

ETSing, this stands for expiration – term of service. An ETS date is the last day of the service member’s contract. ETSing can happen for many different reasons. A service member might choose not to re-enlist, they may have to get out for medical reasons, the service member is going to retire from the Military or when they are forced out earlier than they had planned.

My husband went through ETSing in 2014. Almost 2.5 years have gone by since that day and we have been working towards our new after Army normal ever since. My husband is still in the Army, he joined the Guard the day after he got out of active duty. We also still live at our last duty station. Because of this, we are still a military family, can still shop at the Commissary and can relate to a lot of what Active duty families experience.

However, there are differences. We pay for our Insurance, we are not always included in everything Active duty is, my husband usually puts on his uniform once a month, we will not be PCSing anytime soon and we would not be allowed to live on post here.

Over the last 2.5 years, we have had to navigate these post-active duty waters the best way that we know how. There have been moments when I have wondered if he should have stayed in. There are times I am glad he did get out when he did. There are also a lot of emotions that you go through when making this change.

If your spouse is going to be ETSing soon or you guys are talking about going that way, you will need to prepare yourself a bit. Life after the military isn’t a picnic. Life after an ETS can be very stressful. However, for a lot of people, ETSing is the best choice. Whether they have been serving in the active duty military for 3 years or 20.

Here are some things to think about when you ETS:

  • Finding Their Place- After being in the military for many years, finding a place in the civilian world can be difficult. Some military jobs work well outside the military and others are harder to transition from. Finding your place after the military can take longer than you think it might and won’t happen overnight.
  • Where to Live- You have a big decision to make before your ETS. Where will you live? If you live on post, you will have to move. If you don’t, you could stay, but would you want to? You and your spouse will need to talk about your options and where you want to be.
  • Medical Worries- When you leave active duty, your insurance is going to change. This can be a big difference from what you are used to. From having to pay a certain amount per month to paying more when you go to appointments. Ideally, one of you will have a job with good insurance but that doesn’t always happen. As much as a headache Tricare can be, you will probably miss it when it is gone.
  • Jobs- Finding a good job after the military is important. If your spouse that is leaving the military can find a good job right away, that is great but the job search can be difficult for some people. Even after finding a job, it might not be the right one and can take a while to get there. Looking for jobs before the ETS is a good idea and can help your service member have a more smooth transition once they do ETS.
  • Missing Active Duty- After your ETS you and your spouse might start to miss parts of Active duty life. This is true even if you couldn’t wait until they got out. The lifestyle, the regular paychecks, the security, etc. Saying goodbye to all of that can be difficult. After some time you will get more used to being away from the Military. Give yourself some time and know it is okay to mourn leaving the military after you have moved on.

Getting out of the military is a big transition. You will have to get used to your new life. Just like when you first started this military journey, it will take some time and patience before you figure out how that post-military life is going to look and how everything is going to work out.

Will you be ETSing soon? What are you most worried about?

 

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

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Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

  • Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.
  • What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.
  • Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.
  • How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.
  • Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?

Living Without Your Furniture During A Military Move

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This post brought to you by CORT. The content and opinions expressed below are that of Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life.

Moving is a part of life when you are a military family. We have moved four times since my husband joined the Army in 2005. Other people have moved even more times than that in the same amount of time. Moving can be stressful and requires a lot of planning.

Living Without Your Furniture During A Military Move

When we moved from Germany to Ft. Campbell we shipped all of our belongs ahead of time knowing it would take about six weeks until we saw them again. We would have a week in Germany before we moved and then a week in a hotel in the states before we were able to move into our rental home in Tennessee. That meant we would have four weeks without most of our belongings and with none of our furniture. That mean four weeks sleeping on an air mattress.

During this time I was also newly pregnant so the air mattress was not ideal. I also wished I had a kitchen table and some of our couches to sit on. At the time, we couldn’t go out and buy new ones, especially since we knew we would get our things in a few weeks time.

When I heard about CORT Furniture Rental I thought about those four weeks and how nice it would have been to have been able to rent some furniture while we waited for our furniture and other belongings to cross the ocean to join us. We could have had a place to sit and eat dinner and a bed to sleep on instead of feeling like we were camping with our air mattresses and sitting on camp chairs to eat. We would have felt more moved in if we had been able to do so.

Moving With The Military

CORT is more than a furniture rental company. They provide services and solutions for individuals who are going through a transition and companies that want to make a change. You can use their services if you are going through a relocation, on a temporary assignment, moving off-campus after living in the dorms or while you wait for your things during a military move.

We all know that military moves can be stressful. There is a lot you will need to do to get ready for them and once you move there will be a lot you need to do in order to feel at home. With CORT Furniture Rental you can make that part of the process a little easier. This service can also be great for single military men and women. They might not want to invest in a lot of furniture especially if they will be deploying off and on. When they rent furniture through CORT they can order online and will be able to get out of their contract with deployment orders if need me. That way they can have furniture when they are home and not have to worry about it when they are deployed.

Josh is one of these men…you can check out his story here…

CORT also offers military pricing which allows military families to save money. Military packages start at $119/mo. Customers will need to submit a valid Military ID to receive this discount.

Military Moves

If you are moving soon and would benefit from furniture rental, check out CORT and what they have to offer. They could be just what you are looking for to make your PCS a little less stressful and allow you to get back to everyday living a little sooner. I know we would have loved to have used CORT back when we were moving back to the US from overseas.

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Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

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When it comes to re-enlisting the decision needs to be between the military member and their spouse. They need to talk about the pros and the cons and what life would be like if they stayed in or if they got out of the military.

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

Should you ask your spouse to get out of the military? Is that the right thing to do? What if you feel like you want military life to be over but they do not? What if they see 20 years and you can barely see how you will make it through the next 20 months until their ETS date?

The answer to this question is a complicated one. In some situations, yes you should and in others it is best to figure out tips to get through military life instead.

How do you know what you should do?

Communicate

The number one thing to do is communicate your feelings to your spouse. Let them know how you are feeling, why you feel the way you do and what you think you two should do when it comes to their military career. Ask your spouse questions about their career, their goals and where they see themselves five or ten years down the road. It’s possible that they want to leave the military too. Talking things out can put you two on the same page or can help you understand why you don’t see eye to eye.

Think of your family

Life after the military can be hard and stressful. Is your family ready for that? Do you bring in an income now? Will you be willing to work to bring in more income if they get out? Do you have kids that need the extra benefits you get from the military? Would it be better for them to have their Dad or Mom around all the time instead? There is a lot to think about when trying to decide on if your spouse should get out of the military and sometimes that doesn’t even depend on what you and your spouse are experiencing but it depends on what your family is going through and what they need.

Think of your emotional health

I used to think that everyone could make it through military life. That everyone could handle a deployment. But then we went through our 4th deployment and it almost broke me. It was something I had never felt before. I realized that although there is a lot you can do to make it through a difficult situation, sometimes it might be too hard to keep going. Sometimes you will need an extra level of help and sometimes that help is going to be having a spouse that is no longer in the military.

Think of their career

If you and your spouse decided they would join the military together or if you like us decided to give it three years and see what it happens, that is going to be a different situation then if you met your spouse in the middle of their military career or if the long term plan was to be in for at least twenty years. This doesn’t mean things won’t change but I think the situations are so different and do make a difference when it comes to whether your spouse will want to stay in or not. I have met some strong women who have stood by their husbands as military spouses for the last twenty or thirty years. I admire them and I wonder if that could have been me. If my husband really wanted to stay in the Army, if he really wanted to move forward with it, would I have been able to handle that? Or would I have had to ask him to get out and do something else.

Military life is hard. For some, it feels impossible. Regardless of how much their spouse wants this for a career, it might not be the best thing long term. If you are a spouse that is struggling, know that your feelings are valid. You have a lot to talk with your spouse about. You have some decisions to make together. I wish you good luck as you try to figure out how much the military will be a part of your futures.

Have you ever been in this situation where you felt like you wanted to ask your spouse to not re-enlist and get out of the military? How did you come to that decision?

3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

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3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

In June, it will be two years since my husband left Active Duty Army. He didn’t retire either. He was at 10 years and the day after he joined the National Guard.

After military life Is Over

They say that you miss things once military life is over. I will admit, I didn’t want to believe people when they said this. I knew we were staying in a military town so I knew I would still be able to make friends with others living the military life. I knew that I would still have access to post because of where we lived and our National Guard status. I knew we would still have Tricare and that some of our medical services would not change even if we had to pay for them. I knew all of this and yet at almost two years there are things I miss about active duty life.

Because of where we live most of my friends are married to people in the active duty army. They are living that life. The life we are no longer living. They might live near me and their kids go to the same school mine do but they are in a different part of the military world than I am. They remind me of what I miss.

As I thought about writing this post there were three things that bother me now that active duty life is over:

  • The paycheck– Yes, we miss the paycheck. When you get out of the military as an Infantryman there are only so many things you can do. Even if you do find a job paying exactly the same amount as you did in the military, it is still less then. Why? Because you get taxed on your whole paycheck. In the military, you do not get taxed on your BAH or BAS. You don’t get taxed on deployed income and in some states you don’t have to pay state taxes. Luckily we live in TN so we don’t worry about that here either way. This is something I never saw talked about before we got out but it is something to think about when your spouse is looking for what they will do after the military.
  • Tricare- If your first experience with health care was Tricare, you might not realize how hard it can be to find affordable health care out there in the world. Even if your employer provides it. For us, we have Tricare Reserve Select and pay about $300 a month for our family for Medical and Dental. This was a change from having Tricare Prime for the last ten years. Luckily we have not had any big medical issues since he got out but I am sure we would be paying more out of pocket if we did. Tricare has a lot of issues and can be very frustrating at times but I am going to miss having Tricare when my husband leaves the National Guard. Health insurance is a great benefit that the military receives and deserves so when active duty life is over it can be a challenge to find something else that works.
  • PCS dreams. This feels a bit silly but I miss the dreaming about where we can PCS to next. Yes, it is true you can move anywhere if you are not in the military but that isn’t always easy to do. In military life, you get to live many different places. Sometimes you are happy about those places and sometimes you are not. I will admit that it scares me to think about moving to a place that is not a military community. Where people don’t move all the time, where people have never served and where people don’t get what it is like to go through a deployment.  I also think having to say goodbye to people all the time is difficult and I find myself wishing we could go with them. At the end of the day, I know we have a good long term plan and there are quite a few previous military in our area as well as non-military families too. It’s a good place for now.

Getting out of the military can bring up a lot of emotions for both the military member and their spouse. There is a lot to think about and there is a lot you are going to have to go through before you get to a good place.

Has your spouse left the military? What was the hardest part about it for you?

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Last Day Of Active Duty

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My husband has just finished 10 years, 11 months of Active duty service.

Four deployments to a war zone for a total of 35 months deployed.

Two to Iraq, two to Afghanistan.

Four duty stations, Ft. Drum, Schweinfurt, Grafenwoher, Ft. Campbell.

He missed Drew’s birth, missed my 30th birthday and many other things over the last 8.5 years.

We got to see places we never would have and met some amazing people over the years.

We made it. Now, on to the next chapter…National Guard life, here we come 😀

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