Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

friendships

5 Myths About Military Spouse Friendships

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5 Myths About Military Spouse Friendships

Over the years I have heard from military spouses that they are either afraid to make friends with other military spouses, because of how they assume they will be treated, or have even tried to do so and not been successful at it. That they can’t seem to find their people, or that they keep running into others that don’t seem very friendly or welcoming at all.

This sucks.

I strongly believe that you need friends to get through this military lifestyle. But I also know that it isn’t always easy to do. I know that not everyone is friendly and that finding people to connect with can be frustrating.

And maybe part of it is believing things that simply are not true? Maybe part of it is assuming things that are not true about military friendships in general?

While I do think it is possible for someone to find themselves in a place where it seems that there are no friendly people around them, I also know that there are so many of us military spouses out there that are friendly, want to connect and are not the type to insult someone they just met. Trust me. 

Maybe you won’t agree with me, maybe your experiences are very different than mine, but here are 5 myths about military friendship that simply are not true that we need to let go of to find friendship in the military community:

The Myth: Spouses are overly concerned about rank.

The Truth: Very few military spouses care what rank your spouse is.

If there is a hesitation, it is usually in good faith, when a spouse worries about being able to include you in everything. For example, if you are the wife of a higher ranking soldier, can you invite your friend, and her entire family to your son’s birthday party at your home? These kinds of situations can be a bit sticky if both of the soldiers are in the same unit.

But in the end, it doesn’t matter who your friends are, or what rank their spouse is. You friend people who you get along with and if someone does want to give you the stink eye because of it? Well, they probably wouldn’t be a good friend anyway.

5 Myths About Military Spouse Friendships

The Myth: It’s not worth friending someone who is going to be PCSing again soon.

The Truth: It is worth it, and can lead to life-long friendships.

While it is so nice to make friends that will live near you for years and years, if you meet the right person, don’t be scared off because they have a PCS date. There are ways to stay connected over the miles if both of you are willing to do so. And you never know when you might end up at the same duty station again in the future.

The Myth: You have to make friends with people your own age.

The Truth: You can form friendships with people who are older and younger than you are.

While it is always nice to have friends around your age, befriending people who are younger or older than you are can be a good thing. You can always learn from someone who is in a different stage of life that you are in.

Don’t get stuck on the actual age of a potential friend. If you are able to connect with them, do so. You will be better for it.

The Myth: If you don’t have kids, you won’t make friends, because everyone in the military community has kids.

The Truth: Not everyone in the military community has kids.

While there are a ton of families with kids in the military community, not everyone has them. Some couples choose to stay childless, others are waiting for a few years to start having children. Some are struggling with infertility, and others have adult children no longer in the home.

There are so many different people in the military community in all different stages of life. Don’t give up on finding friends because you assume everyone is a certain way because that simply isn’t true.

5 Myths About Military Spouse Friendships

The Myth: You won’t find anyone you can click with.

The Truth: It can take time, but you can find your people.

Finding people you click with won’t always be easy, and sometimes finding new friends can seem near impossible. But, you will be able to find your people if you keep putting yourself out there. Keep trying, be friendly, and use online resources if you need to.

I know being shy can be hard. To walk into a room full of people you don’t know and introduce yourself can be way too scary, but you can find ways to meet others that are comfortable for you.

Here are some ideas on how to work to make friends, and to find your people:

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

The Military Spouse’s Guide to Making Friends in a Social Media World

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends When You Are A Military Spouse

And make sure to join my blog’s Facebook group. Filled with military spouses of every branch, stationed throughout the US and OCONUS locations.

While everyone’s friendship journey is a little different, try to remember the friends you have met in the past. How did you guys connect? What bonded you?

Make sure you are putting yourself out there, and don’t give up. You can find your people.

Why Military Spouse Friendships Are Important

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The first military friends I ever met were after I moved to Germany when I was 27 years old. I met most of these ladies through the FRG. I also met people through playgroups and PWOC. Over the years I have been able to make friends at places like swim lessons, MOPS, and our local Bunco group.

Sometimes it can take a while to find those people that you will connect with. When you move somewhere new, thinking about finding those friends can feel pretty overwhelming. Where do you go? How do you make friends? How much do you have to put yourself out there?

Military Friendships

Finding military friends might be difficult sometimes but worth it.

Here is why…

Friends make the time pass

Let’s face it, having friends helps the time to pass. Whether you are busy making lunch dates, dinners out, or just getting together with the kids every so often. Staying busy is a must and friends help you do just that. If you are new to your duty station, finding a friend who has been there a while can help you get to know the area too.

Friends get you through the hardest parts

Having a bad deployment day? You can call a friend. Not sure how you will get through the next few months? Let people know. Most likely they will understand what you are going through and want to help. Knowing you have people to go to just to vent or to work out a problem is a good thing.

Friendships

Friends help you make memories

When you spend time together, whether you do so on a holiday when both your husbands are deployed or you meet up regularly just to chat, you will be making memories you will always cherish. Once you or they move away, you will think back to those memories that you have made and smile. Even when several years have passed, you will look back at those moments and be so thankful that you had those times together.

Military friendships can last forever

Even though the military means you have to move around and saying goodbye to people becomes the norm, you don’t have to say goodbye altogether. The military world can surprise you and you never know when you two might end up at the same duty station again or when one of you will be visiting nearby. Stay in touch, post to each other on social media, and make plans to meet up again, even if it is years down the line.

They know what it is like to miss their spouse

When you are talking with friends who have never had to live without their spouse, there can be a bit a disconnect there. Not that they can’t support you, they can. But only those who have felt that deployment ache, know how hard being without your spouse really is.

They understand why cereal for dinner makes sense, they understand why you cry yourself to sleep, they understand how exciting homecoming can be even if you are nervous about what having them home will mean. Other military spouses can truly understand.

Why Military Spouse Friendships Are Important

The most interesting part of this life has been the people I have met along the way. Some have become close friends, ones that I will always talk to. Others are more casual friends, and although some have moved away, I will always remember the fun that we had.

As you go through your military life journey, be open to new friendships and meeting people along the way. They will be the ones that will get you through and help improve your life.

Looking for more military life posts?

How To Make Friends When Your Kids Are All In School

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How To Make Friends When Your Kids Are All In School

When your kids are small, making friends seems to be a bit easier, especially within military communities. Everyone has small kids, or so it seems. But something happens when your youngest child goes off to school, and you don’t have anyone at home with you all day anymore. Finding friends can be a bit more difficult once those toddler years are over.

How To Make Friends When Your Kids Are All In School

While a lot of civilians still live near people they met when their kids were younger, military spouses might not have that luxury. I know for me, that almost every single person I ever had a playdate with during the first few years of my son’s life has moved away. Those friends I used to meet at Chick-Fil-A at? They PCSd years ago. I have had to start over, and that is a lot harder to do when you don’t have little kids.

You start a new chapter in parenthood when your youngest child goes to school. Diapers are now in the past, you are probably sleeping pretty well, and your children start to make friends without you. You have less control than you once did, and sometimes you can go a long time without meeting the parents of your child’s friends from school. It’s just a different parenting world.

So what can you do? How do you make friends as a mom of older kids?

Sports

Sports are such a good place to make friends. You have to be there anyway, and often your kids will be with the same kids season after season. And usually, your kids will get along too. While you are sitting there watching your kid play, you can start conversations with other parents, and start to make friends that way.

How To Make Friends When Your Kids Are All In School

Scouts

Whether it is boy scouts or girl scouts, getting to know the other parents will be a good idea. Whether you are going to the events or even just the weekly meetings, you can start to meet the other moms and dads of those in your child’s group. Scouts can take a lot of your time but the benefit with that, more chances to meet people who you know you have something in common with.

Groups for you

You don’t just have to stick to groups for your kids, why not go to groups and clubs for yourself? Whether you are into running, books, arts, and crafts, or motorcycle riding. Finding people you have something in common with a good first step when it comes to making friends. Check out your local community to see what they have available that you might be able to join.

How To Make Friends When Your Kids Are All In School

Work

If you have a job outside the home, or even if you work from home, you can make friends through your work. While some people prefer to keep life and work separate, grabbing dinner with coworkers or planning a night in together can be a great thing. No kids involved.

FRG

The FRG, I know, gets a bad wrap. And maybe when you go all you see is moms with babies, and you feel like you are simply too old to be there. But give your FRG a chance. Most likely there is at least one other person in the Company who is in the same stage of life that you are, and they might be worth pursuing as a friend.

As we get older and our kids get older, connecting with other people doesn’t always come as easily as it once did, but there are ways to meet and befriend others during this new season of your life.

How have you been able to make friends now that your children are older?

Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

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Stepping outside of your comfort Zone

Stepping outside of your comfort Zone?!?! Yes!!

By: Marla Bautista

In the military world, opportunities come and go. Many Spouses’ have made their mark as entrepreneurs, military family advocates, Department of Defense contract workers, and other careers outside of the military community. Then there’s you… trying to find your place in this life, but you’re having a hard time jumping in. I am going to fill you in on a few tips on how to not only survive in this small military world, but how to rock it!  

There’s so much going on around your post, get involved! Yes, I Know, meeting new people and making friends, (especially military spouses) can be hard, but try it, you never know who you’ll bond with. If you are a home body get involved in an online group for other women like you. You never know who you’re inspiring.  

This may even lead to you being a voice for people who think they don’t have one. It can be difficult moving to a place you’ve never been, interacting with people you’ve never seen before. But fear not, a little bit of food and wine will solve all your anxiety issues…well kind of. Try to make genuine acquaintances. If you are inebriated along with others, this can create a false sense of togetherness that may evaporate as soon as you run out of wine.  

Stepping outside of your comfort Zone

Are you having a hard time finding employment in your career field? Try volunteering. On post, there is a volunteer position in almost every career field. If you have a medical background, try volunteering with the Red Cross. If you want to be a veterinarian, check out the Vet clinic on post, they may have a need for volunteers.  

You never know where it’ll take you. Why should you use your precious time volunteering? Because this potentially is the easiest way to get your foot in the door and fast track you into your desired career. You may be the new employee they never knew they needed! Say Yes! Get out there! Make a name for yourself in your field.   

Say yes to working or volunteering in a group of your peers. Working with others can help you identify any self-image or branding insights you may not have seen otherwise. Ask questions, be open minded to new information.

Find a mentor to help guide you down your chosen path. You can never be too informed. I love to pick people’s brain, they may say something that I wasn’t thinking or tell me something about myself that I never realized. I have literally befriended people on Facebook, I didn’t know and sent a private message to them saying; Hi, I know you don’t know me but I love what you do. I want to be just as successful as you. Do you have any tips that can help me grow? You wouldn’t believe it, but people are very receptive to others who compliment them.  It shows that their work hasn’t gone unnoticed and they have made a positive impact in someone’s life.

Stepping outside of your comfort Zone

I have been lucky enough to mingle with some of the swankiest people due to my outgoing personality, but also because I want to be around people who are like minded and goal oriented. I have come far, but I have a long way to go. Doing things, I wouldn’t normally do, has helped me excel in my career field.

I have been recommended for certain jobs because of my personality and my hustle. I may not be the greatest at what I do, but I am a hard worker, who’s teachable, and that will take you further in life than talent alone.  

Stepping out of your comfort zone has so many advantages. You will learn and grow at every duty station. Don’t limit yourself!

Say Yes! Go out with a group of spouses you’ve never met. Volunteer to learn a new skill, be a voice for your community. There are literally hundreds of opportunities to make a difference in the military community. If you want something different, go out there and get it! Don’t be shy. Good things come to those who…hustle. Let everyone know your name!

I am Marla Bautista. I am an Army Spouse and mother of three, currently living in New York. I am a freelance writer and recently released my first book, My Thoughts Abandoned.  I have an Associate’s of Arts Degree from The University of Maryland University College and am currently working on my Bachelor’s in Communications. I love to volunteer my time within the military community and advocate for those in need. I am also an avid couponer and hopefully one day, a millionaire because of my frugal lifestyle! My Instagram and my blog, Hood Cents!