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What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

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What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

The first week of August my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage. That day in August 2002, I became a wife and started my life with my husband. We had met the year before, and we both knew right away that we were meant to be.

Over the years our life has gone in different directions than I thought it would. I didn’t believe that we would be a military family, that came a few years later. I thought we would have a daughter; we have three sons. I didn’t know how difficult certain things would be or where this road of life would lead us.

When you have been married for a while, you learn about what it means to be married, what it’s like to go through life with someone else, and what it’s like to raise a family together.

Here is what I have learned in the last 15 years of marriage:

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Life is full of surprises

Life is not going to go the way you think it will. Whether that means surviving through deployments you never knew you would have to go through, moving to a place you never even thought about, or having different children than you thought you would.

Life will be filled with happy things like a new baby, buying a house, and going on an amazing vacation. Life will have sadness in it whether it is the death of one of your parents to cancer, the suicide of your sister-in-law, or a time of struggling with jobs and making enough money.

You will go through these happy times, and sad ones. You will need to depend on one another when you do. All couples go through these different types of situations and as hard as they might seem, we are not alone in trying to figure out how to deal with them.

You won’t always like each other

Sometimes I get annoyed with my husband and sometimes he gets annoyed with me. Before deployments, we can fight more than we normally do, about the silly stupid stuff. You won’t always like your spouse, but that feeling won’t last forever if you can work through your situation.

Stress can cause a marriage to break, especially if you don’t address what is causing the stress. If you feel like you can’t get past a particular situation, it is okay to ask for extra help. Going to marriage counseling doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can help you and your spouse and get you two to a better place.

You will still make each other smile

My husband still makes me smile. Whether it is because he is playing with the kids or because he is just walking through our house. I am still in love with this man and to be able to look at him and smile is a good thing.

Life sometimes gets so busy, and with both of us working hard, it can be difficult to find time to just hang out together, but we do try. Giving one another a quick smile or kiss during the day can go a long way in helping us connect during those busy days.

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Growing old together really is amazing

When my husband and I got married I was 23; he was 26. Now we are 38 and 41. We have grown up a lot since those years. When we look at our wedding photos, we look so much younger than we do today. We have gray hair, more wrinkles, and we don’t move quite as fast.

I love this part of marriage. Of knowing we were together when I was in my early twenties and knowing we will be going through our 40s together soon (I still have 1.5 years, haha.) As each year goes by, we learn more about one another and experience different stages of life.

We had the years before kids, then they started coming, and diapers and baby food were the norm. Now our oldest is almost a teenager, and we are entering a new stage of life. It’s fun to look back over the years of where we have been and all that we have done together.

As we start a new married year together, I am thankful for my husband. I love what we have built together, and I am excited to see where the future takes us.

How long have you been married? What is your best marriage tip?

9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

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9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

This August my husband and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary. In some ways, it seems like we just walked down the aisle. But when I look at my wedding photos, I can see that many years have gone by since that day. For one thing, we look so young. I was 23; he was 26. My niece, our little flower girl, is now graduating from high school and all of our photos were done on film, years before the digital age started.

9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

 

I have learned a lot about marriage the last 15 years. I have also learned about what it means to be in a military marriage, about how to stay strong through deployments, about how to be the best wife I can be despite all the challenges that get thrown at us.

Check out The Blessing of a Military Marriage

military marriage

The truth is, there are things that can help a military marriage and things that will hurt a military marriage. Whether you just walked down the aisle or did so a while ago, here are nine things that can hurt a military marriage that you should be aware of.

1. Not communicating

Married couples should be talking to one another, but sometimes that is hard to do. Everyday life can get in the way; deployments can get in the way, the stress of everything can get in the way. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

If you can’t talk in person, write letters, email or plan to speak on the phone. Check in with one another and try to make plans to hang out, even if you feel like two ships passing in the night.

2. Cheating

Cheating can tear your marriage apart. Whether it is physical or not. Make sure you can protect your marriage. Make smart choices, especially when your spouse is away. Be the type of spouse that they can trust and not have to worry about when you are away from one another.

Set boundaries with other people. This will, of course, depend on your marriage but make sure you are on the same page. Some couples are okay with more social time with the opposite sex; others are not. Make sure you talk about expectations and what is normal for your marriage.

 Check out 10 Ways To Save Money When You Need To Be On A Tight Budget

3. Money

So many couples fight about money. When two people, who were raised differently, come together and create their family, there are going to be tensions about money. If one of you was raised with a spending mindset and the other with a saving mentality there is going to be friction when it comes to your budgets.

Make sure to spend time talking about your expectations, how much you should be spending, how much you should be saving, and figure out what your long-term goals are. Don’t hide money from each other and be honest about your spending.

Saving Money in the Military
4. Children

Having children will add stress to your marriage. They will take up a lot of your time, and their needs will come first. Try to keep the perspective and still make time for your spouse.

Have date nights, even if that means making a nice dinner after the kids go to bed and curling up on your couch to watch a Netflix movie. Talk about your parenting strategies. There are so many different ways to be a parent and arguments can come up when you are not on the same page about how to raise your children.

Deployments can complicate this as one parent can leave when a child is just a few months old and come home to a toddler. The parent who was at home has a system, and a plan and the deployed parent has to figure out how to be involved again.

 Check out 10 Ways to Help Your Kids During a Deployment

5. Being cruel

Don’t be cruel to your spouse. That is not going to take you down the right path. Be loving and patient with them. Don’t seek ways to hurt them and apologize when you do.

You know how they say never go to bed angry? That is pretty much true. Try your best to work things out in a kind matter and don’t be cruel and mean to each other. Not only is this destructive to your marriage, but kids can pick up on it too.

6. Acting immature

Being married means, you need to stop acting childish. Even if you married young. You are adults now, and you need to act like it.

Don’t try to live off of other people, work hard, and make the best of what you have. You will not be able to afford a brand new home right away, that might take years to get to a place where you can afford that. Be patient and know that over time things will change and you won’t always have to use a footlocker for your coffee table.

7. Taking bad advice

There is good advice and bad advice. Look to the people you trust and learn from them. Keep in mind that no one is in your marriage and no one can tell you exactly what to do. You can gain advice from others who have been there before and have wise words to say about whatever problem you are going through.

Be extra careful about family giving you advice. It could be very biased. If they never wanted you to get married in the first place, their advice might not help you in your current struggles. Find good friends that you trust to talk about your problems with.

8. Keeping things from your spouse

Don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Tell them what is going on and what they need to know. Of course, as military spouses, there will be times when we can’t talk to our husband or wife on a regular basis. Because of this, it can feel like we are keeping secrets.

If something is important, write it down and tell them later. When it comes to sharing things with them when they are overseas, think about their personality and ask them what they would want you to do. Some people do want to hear everything and others can’t handle that.

grass is always greener
9. Assuming the grass will always be greener

If you have been married a while, there will be things that start to annoy you about your spouse. Of course, this is going to happen, you are living together, raising a family together and you are going to get on each other’s nerves sometimes. This is not caused for your to walk away. Because the truth is, everyone will annoy you at some point. Don’t assume the grass is greener somewhere else. Water your grass and keep your vows in mind.

How long have you been married?

To the Young Military Spouse Who is Struggling

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To the Young Military Spouse Who is Struggling

Being married at a young age can be a fantastic thing. You found the person you want to spend the rest of your life without having to wait years to do so. You can take comfort in the fact that you will get to grow old together, starting in your 20s or even late teens. There is a lot to be excited about when you get married at a younger age.

However, being married young can also be tough. All marriages have their challenges. You can get married in your 30s and be divorced by your 40s. There isn’t a particular age in where you can make sure your marriage will be a good one and will survive, but being young can add some extra stress to your marriage. If you marry young, you will be growing up together, working through issues that other people resolve on their own before marriage. Marrying young means having to push other parts of your life onto the backburner. College and the first few years of your career can be skipped over for an early marriage and becoming a mother. There is so much to think about when marrying young.

Being a military couple adds in other stresses. From being a part through basic and AIT to moving far away from home and then deployments and trainings. No matter how old you are, these stresses can get to you and hurt your marriage if you let them.

For the young military spouse, all of this can lead to plenty of frustrations. While your friends are off at college, you are trying to make a home in a new state with a husband who is off at war. You can no longer relate to them, but you struggle to make friends where you are. This can create loneliness, and that frustration can lead to blaming the marriage or even your spouse for how you are feeling.

So what can you do? What do you do when you feel so helpless and alone? When you wonder if you should have waited a bit longer. When you question if going to college would have been a better choice. What do you do when your spouse is overseas and doesn’t seem to want to talk to you and in some cases even tells you he doesn’t want to be married anymore? What do you do when it seems your marriage is falling apart before it has even had a chance to start?

Remember, all marriages have seasons

There is a time for all things. Some seasons of your life will be happier than others. You will go through challenges as a couple. Money problems, military frustrations, issues with work, with your children and even other people. Some seasons will be easier than others.

Just because being married young is going to be a challenge doesn’t mean your marriage won’t make it

For every couple that married young that didn’t make it, another one did. Try not to listen to those who say you won’t make it because you are so young. They are not a part of your marriage. Keep what’s important in mind and do what you can to make the marriage work.

Military life adds additional challenges

No doubt about it, marrying into the military is going to give you extra challenges. A year-long deployment a few months after you get married is going to challenge you in ways you never thought possible. Remember, you are not alone in going through this. Many couples have gone before you and have gotten through.

Love your spouse through the difficult moments

When things are difficult, keep loving your spouse. Remind them of the time when you fell in love. Write letters, emails and send care packages. Sometimes service members can get into deployment mode and that can complicate things. They might not be acting like the same person you know and love. Keep in mind that deployments can change the way things are and even if they do go back to normal when they get home, you will each grow through them.

Stay busy when they are gone

When your spouse is gone, stay busy. Go to college, online if you can’t go to a physical one. Start working, build up your career. Make friends, make plans. Go out to lunch and plan dinners. Work on your home or get involved in volunteer work. This is always something you can do to stay busy.

Don’t push for babies, enjoy your pre-baby time

This is complicated. Some of you came into the marriage with children. But if you haven’t, wait. Even if you wait until you are in your mid-20s, you will still be a young mom. Children are awesome and can add so much to marriage but they are also a lot of work and getting pregnant right away, especially when they are in the military can be too much for some people. Wait if you can, even if you wait an extra year. Enjoy your pre-baby time because once you start having children, everything changes.

Don’t be afraid of counseling

If you need to, see a counselor. If your spouse won’t go to counseling, go by yourself. Military One Source has a lot of resources. Being able to see a counselor on a regular basis can be a good outlet to help you see what you need to work on and what you two can work on as a couple.

Find older spouses to learn from

Learn from those who have gone before you. Talk to your grandma, your mom or an older sister or friend. They have been through what you are going through in the past and have some words of advice. As you start your military journey, you will be able to connect with other spouses that have been living the military life longer than you have.

Fight for your marriage

Sometimes you will have to fight for your marriage. Sometimes you might be the only one doing so. This is going to wear you out but keep thinking about what you have committed to and commit to working through whatever it is that you need to work through to help your marriage.

Embrace the military life

Being able to embrace the military life is going to help you navigate through the challenges you face. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy about everything the military does or that you will not go through times when it feels like you can’t make it another day, but being able to look at the positives of this life will be a good idea, especially when first starting out.

Be wary of what you tell your family

When you marry young, you might have just left the home you grew up in. Almost overnight you could have gone from a teenager finishing high school to a spouse. This can be a complicated process, and in some cases, it is hard to make that change. If you and your spouse are going through some difficulties, be careful of what you are telling your family. They can remember what you say and bring that back up years later, even if you have moved beyond it.

Find good friends and choose wisely

Be careful about who you share things with. Not everyone you meet is going to have your best interests at heart. Get out there and make friends but save your secrets for the people you can trust and rely on the most. The ones who you trust to get advice from and those who know how to keep a secret.

So, to the young military spouse that is struggling, you have to want to be married to the person you have chosen to walk down the aisle to. You made that decision, and you have to want the relationship to work. While not everyone who tries for their marriage will succeed, every person that did has tried to make things work, even in the most difficult of circumstances. *

What advice would you give to a younger military spouse?

* If you think you are in an abusive relationship, seek help and figure out a way to get out. You do not need to try to make things work with someone who is hurting you. That is not okay and there are resources out there to help you.

22 Memes All About Military Marriage

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22 Memes All About Military Marriage

22 Memes All About Military Marriage

Military marriage is a journey. You never really know what you are getting yourself into. Whether your spouse joined five years into your civilian marriage or you walked down the aisle to see your spouse in uniform, knowing that marrying him meant becoming a military spouse. Military marriage has unique challenges. We spend months away from our spouses, we play mom and dad more often than not, we have to PCS and move a lot more often and we might be missing our own families a little more than we want to be.

Here are 22 memes all about military marriage! Can you relate???

military marriage

Remember to keep saying I love you, no matter how far apart you are.

military marriage

Sometimes military marriage is all about being trustworthy, patient, loving, creative and understanding!

Military Marriage Memes

Such an important thing to remember! Remember you love each other, even from miles away.

military marriage

Remember, this is one of your difficult moments, every couple has them.

military marriage

Seriously! That would be the best news ever!

military marriage

So true! Every time you can be a full family is special!

military marriage

Loving your spouse is going to go a long way in a military marriage!

military marriage

Homecoming is great but the time after deployment can be challenging for any military marriage.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

military marriage

Seeing your spouse after so many months is an exciting time! You will get butterflies!

military marriage

You can still have a good day, even if you miss them.

military marriage

This is what we, military spouses do, we stand by!

military marriage

So true! So very true! That meeting again is the best!

military marriage

Memories you will never forget! The good ones and the bad.

military marriage

Yes, yes it will. Love is what guides you to working through any issues that might come up.

military marriage

Trust is a must! Without it military life is going to be close to impossible.

military marriage

Hard times make for stronger people!

military marriage

Yes! We all know what waiting on that phone call is like!
And what it’s like when we miss that call! Our spouse lives in our phone!

military marriage

Seriously! How many times do people say this to us?
And how many times do we just want to tell them they would do it too!

military marriage

Yes! Even if they are across the world from each other, knowing you are loved by them is important.

military marriage

The military will have to come first sometimes.
Know, you are always first in his heart, even if it feels like the military is first in everything else.

military marriage

Yes! Remember all those times you were together, especially during the harder days.
That will help you through them.

military marriage

When you marry someone in the military, you are signing on for a life as a military spouse. It might not have been your first choice but the military is a part of the person you married.

Whether you are getting married in a couple of months, been married for a couple of years or getting ready to celebrate your 20th anniversary, your military marriage is important!

How long have you been married?

Marriage During a Deployment

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Marriage During a Deployment

We just celebrated our 14th anniversary this past week. In those 14 years we have gone through 4 deployments and have spent a lot of time apart. More time than I ever thought we would or would have wanted for us. Our deployments were all different. The first, in 2006-2007 was about 15 months long. The second one was in 2008-2009 and was a year. Then in 2011 he was gone for 5 months. In 2013 he was gone for 6 months. These deployments have all been challenging in their own ways.

Marriage During a Deployment

Marriage during a Deployment can be one of the most difficult things you will go through as a couple. Deployments can make or break a marriage. Some say that marriages that break up after deployments were just not strong enough in the first place. There are a lot of factors that go into while a couple doesn’t make it. Hardships that couples go through can be a big factor. Deployments can be one of those hardships.

Going Through a Deployment is a Hardship

Knowing that the deployment is going to be a hardship on your marriage is important. That way you won’t be surprised when things get hard. You might not be able to talk to your spouse as often as you would like. You might feel like you never have time to be a couple while he is overseas. It might feel like this is how things will always be. This can be exhausting and it might feel too overwhelming to work on your marriage when they are gone. It is very important that you do celebrate your marriage during a deployment even when it is hard to do so.

Deployments Will Change You

Remember that a deployment will change you as well as your spouse. You will grow as a person. You will learn new skills. When they get home, it will take time to get to know each other again. You have been living apart, you have not had each other like you did before. It’s important that you work together to get through these changes and recognize them. I always get a little more independent when my husband is away. When he gets home it can be challenging to have someone else making decisions in the household too. I had been so used to making them all myself.

You Will Feel “Unmarried”

I always felt “unmarried” when my husband was gone for long periods of time. I didn’t feel married even though I knew I had a husband. I didn’t have someone to come home to each night and I slept alone. I was the only one taking care of the children. At the same time I never felt single. I didn’t feel like I was all alone and I knew that I had a spouse out there that loved me. Feeling “unmarried” is weird and it can be a frustrating way to feel. You might get jealous when you see other couples. You might get angry that your spouse has to be away from you and others don’t have to go through that.

You Will Worry About After They Come Home

As the deployment moves along you will start to get more and more excited about the homecoming. At the same time you might start to worry about what life will be like after they come home. You might have worries about PTSD, you know some service members struggle with it. You might worry about how things are going to be after so much time apart. You may have been pregnant when they left and now you have a baby and worry that it will be hard for your husband to adjust to parenthood since you did it months before.

Marriage during a deployment looks weird. You might feel like your husband lives in your phone or that you are alone in the world, at least temporarily. Remember everything the two of you have been through. Remember when you fell in love and all the memories you have had. Try to be patient with them as well as the way the military is. Try to remember that they might not be the same person they were when they come home and that after the homecoming, life can still be stressful as you get used to each other again.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have been through a deployment before or if you are going through one right now.

 

5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

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5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

It was our 5th anniversary. I woke up that morning and something was different, something was off. We had spent our 1st anniversary on a weekend getaway, our 2nd, 3rd and 4th we had a nice dinner together. But this was number 5. That’s a big deal when you are newly married. 5 years is longer than high school or college and gives you enough time to look back on where you have been. But this anniversary was going to be different. He was deployed. He was in Iraq and we would not be spending it together.

I knew that in order to have a good day I would have to make it so. We would not be going on any trips or going out to dinner. We wouldn’t be going to the movies or a play or even just spending the day together. No, this anniversary would be different.

I decided to order a steak dinner from a local restaurant and have the food delivered after my little boys went to bed. I ate the dinner sitting in front of the computer waiting for my husband to come online. Celebrating your anniversary this way is normal for a military spouse.

Anniversaries are there to celebrate your marriage. You celebrate the time you have had together. To look at the past and look forward to the future. Celebrating your marriage is important. Whether you have only been married a year or for fifty years.

But how do you celebrate your marriage when they are deployed or away at a training? How do you celebrate when your heart aches for them? What can you do to feel closer?

Here are some ideas on how to celebrate your marriage during a deployment…

1. Write love letters- Love letters are the best. You could write your husband a love letter about how much you celebrate your marriage. Talk about when you first got married and your hopes for the future. You can pour out your heart on pretty stationary and mail it off to him. You can send him a series of letters or even a funny card.

2. Make a scrapbook- There is nothing better than going through old photos and looking back on previous memories during your marriage. You can take some time and put together a scrapbook for your deployed spouse. You could keep it simple and just put photos in an album or you could use stickers, cute paper and add a bit of journaling to the book. You could also make a book on a website like Shutterfly.

3. Send a care package- Put together a special anniversary care package. You can decorate the box however you want and include some of your favorite items. Think about what your spouse would love to see in a love themed package from you.

4. Have a Skype date- Planning when they will be online might be difficult but if you can plan for a special Skype date on your anniversary, go for it. You could sit and talk over dinner. You could plan to watch the same movie at the same time or just enjoy being able to see each other on the video. You could also do this over the phone instead. This is not going to replace a real date but it’s the best way to spend time together when you are miles apart.

5. Make plans for after the deployment- If you can’t celebrate your marriage during the deployment, make plans to do so after. You could plan a special trip or even just a meal at a nice restaurant. You can always celebrate your anniversary later. There is no rule that it has to be on that day. We have been able to celebrate our anniversaries months later by making a plan for a getaway when we were able to after a deployment.

Leave a comment and let me know how you have celebrated your marriage during a deployment. Have you done anything special and creative?

10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

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10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

Marriage can be hard, especially when your spouse is never home. I have been there. Military life is difficult and you need all the help you can get to help figure out the best tips for a better Military marriage.

Here are 10 tips I have to share about how to have a better Military marriage.

My husband has been in the Military in some form for the last ten years. We have three children, he has been deployed four times, we have moved about six times and have lived in five different cities.

Being in a Military marriage can add an extra level of stress to a marriage. Not all Military marriages make it through, but a lot of them do. There are a lot of great love stories between someone in the Military and their spouse. Military marriage is never perfect, what marriage is? But they do take a lot of work.

Here are some tips for a better Military marriage…

  • Be there for each other- This is the #1 thing you can do. Just be there. Over the course of your marriage, each of you will need each other in different ways. Checking in with one another is a great way to learn what is going on with your spouse and figuring out what they need from you at the moment.
  • Don’t assume anything- Assuming will get you into trouble. If you are not sure about something, just ask. This is your spouse, you should feel comfortable doing so. This is why communicating is so important. I think a lot of our struggles over the years have come from assuming different things about each other. The more we talk about how we are feeling about what is going on in our lives, the better we can move forward.
  • Don’t get jealous- This is hard, especially if your spouse is gone a lot. Other people get to be in the same place as your spouse and you don’t get to be. Try not to let it bother you. Talk things out if something doesn’t seem right. Remember, they are married to you and that is who they will be coming home to as soon as it is possible to do so.
  • Put yourself in their shoes- This is always a good thing to do. You never know what someone is going through or if you would act the same way if you were in their shoes. When your husband is deployed, try to imagine what it would be like to be him. To have to leave home for so long, trusting you with his home, his children and even his finances. It is a strange thing to think about sometimes.
  • Remember to trust– I really believe that in order to get through a deployment you need to have a lot of trust. I see it as this invisible thread that connects you. You just have to trust your spouse even when they are across the world. Without that trust, everything falls apart.
  • Talk things out- If you are angry with your spouse, talk it out. Stay up all night if you have to. I am not going to tell you to never go to bed angry because sometimes that happens, especially if you are only talking on a phone and someone has to go. Sometimes sleeping on an issue is a good idea. It just depends on the situation.
  • Hold hands- Keep holding hands, kiss often, give each other hugs. Doing this will bring your closer and remind you of when you first met. It’s a simple way to show your spouse you are still in it with them.
  • Date- Regular dates with your spouse are a great idea but they are not always possible. Sometimes they are just gone too much or working all the time. Other times you have small children and finding a babysitter feels impossible. Do what you can to date your spouse. Make a lunch date while kids are in school, plan a nice dinner after the kids go to bed, go on a walk with your baby in a stroller. Think about the different ways you can have a date even if it isn’t on a regular basis.
  • Tell them you love them- Don’t ever stop telling your spouse that you love them. Say it before you hang up the phone and before you go to bed each night. Write them a love letter. Speak their love language so they always know that you care.
  • Be silly with each other- Laugh, flirt, be silly when you can. There is something about laughing together with my husband after all these years that I just love.

When you are married to someone in the Military, it might be a bit harder to stay connected when they are away but that doesn’t mean your marriage will fall apart. If both of you can work on your marriage, if you can trust each other, you can get through anything Military life throws at you.

What would you add to this list for a better Military marriage?

Celebrating Anniversaries

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Celebrating Anniversaries

Today is our 13th anniversary. 13 years with my husband. 7 homes, 3 kids, 1 dog and lots of memories made along the way. We try to do something special for every anniversary but when you have little kids, it can be a little difficult, especially when you don’t always have a good babysitter. Some years we have been able to go on a trip. Others we have only been able to go out to dinner. And some we have celebrated at home. It really just depends on what is going on, our budget and all of that. No matter what, it is a special day.

Even though he has been in the Military for a while, we have only really missed two anniversaries together. I know how lucky that it. I know others have missed almost all of them. During those years I tried to do something special for me. 5 years he was in Iraq.

I put the kids to bed early. Ordered a steak. We might have chatted online. That is a Military anniversary for you.

Celebrating Anniversaries

I say we have been lucky with anniversaries because for a few years we should have missed them but for whatever reason he was home on August 3rd. For our 6th anniversary, he was in the field most of the summer but they just happen to have a break for a few days over our anniversary. For our 7th, he was deployed again and had R&R scheduled for early July. That got pushed back and we ended up spending our anniversary together in Catalina, where we went for our honeymoon.

This year is kind of a crazy year with Guard and his job but luckily he has the day off. I am so happy to be able to spend it with him again. No trips this year but it will be nice to spend all day together.

Celebrating Anniversaries

I hope that in the future we can travel more for our anniversary. I would love to go back to Catalina, go on a cruise or even a short getaway somewhere close by to where we live.

Anniversaries are special. It is the day you look back on your years together and think about all you have been through.

You think about the good times, the bad times, the easy times and the hard times. You think about who you were as a person when you got married and who you are now. You think about the future and where you want to be in five or ten years. You think about all of this. The anniversary reminds you. How could it not?

It doesn’t matter if you spend the day together, it is still special. It doesn’t matter if you make a home cooked meal and eat it after the kids are in bed or if you spend 10 days in Italy together. It doesn’t matter if you get each other amazing gifts or maybe just pick flowers from the garden to put on the table. The reason it is so special is the same reason your birthday is so special. It is the celebration of the two of you, for however long you have been together. It is a celebration of what you have together and the love you still have for one another.

In this world, where so many couples are not making it. It is something to smile at. To get excited about. To love someone for so many years is a special thing. To watch yourselves literally grow old together. It’s an amazing feeling. So here is to celebrating anniversaries and making the most of your time together, however you spend it.

Do you always celebrate your anniversaries? What do you like to do together? What do you do if you have to be apart?

13 Marriage Tips for 13 Years of Marriage

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13 marriage Tips for 13 Years of Marriage

August 3, 2002 was the day I married my husband. My marriage is about to become a teenager. In some ways the last 13 years have gone by so quickly. In other ways it seems like a different world. It was before I became a Military wife and when I said I do I didn’t know that would be in my future. The Army was in his past and I thought that was all it would ever be for us.

I know there are a lot of marriage advice posts out there but I wanted to add my own based on 13 years of being married to my husband. I was only 23 when I married him and I am 36 now. We have been through a lot of different situations over the years. Having 3 boys, buying a house, 4 deployments, job changes, getting a dog, moving away from California, living in Germany and now trying to figure out are after active duty Army future.

13 Marriage Tips for 13 Years of Marriage

1. Remember that you are in it together. This is so important during the more stressful parts of your life. Remember you chose each other and you are in thismarriage together.

2. Have your own likes and dislikes. My husband and I have a lot of different likes and dislikes. In some ways we are quite opposite from one another. I think it is good to have your own interests. It is also good to have some things in common as well.

3. Spend time apart. I feel we spent too much time apart, but being without each other sometimes can be a good thing. I have learned more about myself since I have had to be without him at times.

4. Spend time together. Busy lives can make this hard but it is so important. Figure out when you can spend some quality time together and make it a regular thing. This can be a weekly, monthly or even quarterly date.

5. Sometimes the kids will need you more. I know there is advice about not putting your kids first but I see it differently. I don’t think it is about putting them first, at least not for me. It is about remembering that sometimes your kids do need you more than your husband does but that he can’t be ignored either. It can be hard in the early years to balance everything and maybe I see it differently since so much of that baby time was spent with a deployed husband. I didn’t have to work hard to focus on my husband because he wasn’t there.

6. Be honest with each other. If something is upsetting you, let them know. You don’t want to be the type to complain about every little thing but sometimes your spouse doesn’t understand why you could be upset about something and it could be helpful to talk about it.

7. Listen to one another. If your spouse brings up something important, listen to them. You don’t want to just go through life ignoring each other.

8. Invisible trust. We have had to have this during deployments. He has to be able to trust me when he is gone so he can focus on his work. Trust that I will be faithful, that I won’t waste all our money on things we don’t need and that I will be there for him. I also have to trust him in return. I see it as an invisible line connecting us that we just have to believe is there.

9. Keep learning about each other. My husband is almost 40 and he was 25 when I met him. A lot has changed and I still am learning about him. It is good to keep asking those questions and to learn more about your spouse.

10. Don’t let the bad stuff take over. Deployments, moves, money issues, problems with children, etc, all of these can really make life hard for you and your spouse. Don’t let it take over your lives. Remember you are walking through it together.

11. Enjoy those quiet nights. You don’t have to leave the house to have moments together. One of the things we like to do after the kids go to bed is find an interesting movie on Netflix and watch it together. It is something so simple but it bonds us and we don’t have to spend any extra money to do it.

12. Take photos of each other. When we were dating I was always having us take pictures together. Over the years I have tried to keep that up and I so enjoy looking back at them. Even if it feels like we are in a boring or uninteresting part of our lives, it is still nice to have so many couple photos of us.

13. Love each other. I know this one seems obvious but it is the most important. Treat each other like you love each other. Tell each other often that you do. Hold hands and always be there for one another.

How long have you been married?

What Does It Take To Make It As A Military Spouse?

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“I could never do what you do”

“I couldn’t be a Military wife”

“I don’t know how you guys do it being without your husband for that long.”

What Does It Take To Make It As A Military Spouse?

 

We have all heard people say these things to us. I used to think that anyone could be a Military spouse. All they would have to do is love their spouse enough to stick by him or her.

But now, I am not so sure.

What about the spouses that walk away?

What about the service members that voluntarily leave the Military because deployments became too much?

What about the spouse that suffers from anxiety or depression and thinks the idea of one more separation is too much?

And when we talk about Military spouses, we are talking about people who stood by their husband or wife for a couple of years and those that stood by for 20+. Some people serve longer than others. When it is time to leave the Military, you can have a feeling of just being done. You can’t seem to imagine going through another deployment. I know I can’t. I feel like I have hit my limit.

However, what if my husband didn’t want to leave the Army? What if he wanted to stay and do 20-30 years? What if this was his life long dream? Would that make a difference? I think for me it would.

I think if my husband wanted to stay in it would be a little easier to handle more deployments. If he had a clear plan. If this is what he wanted.

So what does it take to make it as a Military Spouse? We all come from different places, with different personalities and different ways of seeing the world. What do we all have in common that allows us to do what we need to do to support our spouse?

I think in the end it is about commitment. Commitment to your spouse, to his or her work, to the life you must live when you decided to marry them. Commitment to the two of you and whatever path you are going to walk together. Commitment to the family you have created and the life that you are living together.

If you have commitment to each other, you can get through most of what life throws at you. And that is what it takes to make it in this Military life.