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Mental Health

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

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Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse is in the Military

Struggling With Anxiety When Your Spouse Is In The Military

One of the hardest parts of being a Military spouse is when your spouse is away from you. They can be gone for a few weeks, a few months, or even up to a year. In some cases even longer. When you are dealing with that plus dealing with anxiety, life can feel like too much at times.

I never realized how bad my anxiety could get until right before our 4th deployment.

I have always been a bit of a worrier. I worry about silly little things that my husband just can’t understand. I have a hard time with driving. If I haven’t ever been to the place before, if it is too far from home, or if I have to drive somewhere at night, doing so can be a challenge.

I have had to work hard on this because I do have to drive most days. I have to power through. And most days I am able to.

I worry about silly things with my kids. Usually, when my husband is home, I can just ask him what he thinks and then I can calm down and it isn’t a big deal. When he is deployed, I can’t do that so my worry level goes up.

I get anxious about my car when I park somewhere new. I get anxious about locking my front door, did I remember to do it? I get anxious about a lot of little things and all of that can add up.

Right before our 4th deployment, I knew I needed to do something about my anxiety.

I couldn’t see how I could get through the deployment without upping my game a little bit. I had friends to hang out with, kids to keep me busy, and projects to work on but that wasn’t going to be enough this time. It just wasn’t.

I ended up talking to my doctor about what was going on and she suggested medication. I am not against meds altogether but I wasn’t sure if they were right for me. I really went back and forth about taking them. I decided I wanted to see how counseling would work before I tried medication.

So I started going to see someone. Thank goodness Tricare paid for it. Going to counseling was the best thing I could have done. I am not going to say that all my anxiety went away, it didn’t, but talking to someone really helped me, in ways nothing else did.

If I ever get to where I feel the way I did back then, I would go see someone again in a heartbeat.

Anxiety is rough, and for me, a deployment made that anxiety worse.

Studies have found that wives of deployed soldiers are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. This was not a big surprise to me. I know I am not the only one that struggles.

Throw in a deployment, or two, or three or, however many you have to go through, and life can get pretty challenging. I think as military spouses we want to be strong but anxiety or depression can drag us down, and make us feel as if everything is just too hard.

The issue with anxiety is so much more than just worrying. We all might worry about our spouses being in a war zone, at least on some level. Anxiety goes much further than that and should be taken more seriously. Anxiety can make you worry about things that other people don’t even think about.

We can’t just pray anxiety away or go out with friends to get rid of those feelings. Anxiety is something we have to work at on a daily basis. Anxiety can ruin your whole day. Anxiety can make life so much more difficult.

So what should you do if you struggle with anxiety and your spouse is in the Military?

You need to take steps to figure out how you are going to get through what you are dealing with. If your spouse is going to make the Military a career, you will have to figure something out. For some that might be moving back home during a deployment, others might need to take medication or start seeing a counselor. Some military spouses might need to do everything in order to get to a better place. Don’t be ashamed and try to seek help if you can.

The Military does have some resources for you too. You can visit the Tricare page to see what your options are. Military One Source is also a great resource for more information.

Remember that you are only human and if you feel like you need extra help, ask for that help. Admitting this can be difficult but important. You will be a better spouse, a better parent, and a better friend if you can get the help you need.

Do you struggle from anxiety? How do you deal with it all when going through something difficult like a deployment?

Importance of Your Mental Health 

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Happy to have this guest post by Heather! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

Taking care of yourself can look different for each person. Maybe you show self-care by getting your nails done, taking a girl’s trip, or simply taking a warm bubble bath with no interruptions (if that’s possible). Each of us finds something to help relieve our frustrations or stress the best that we can and the best that we know how. Regardless of what you choose to do, taking care of yourself and your mental health should be a top priority. 

Here are some tips to help get yourself into a habit of taking care of your mental health! 

  1. Love Yourself and Be Compassionate 

First and foremost, remember to love yourself and give yourself compassion. Many of us are hard on ourselves, dwell on our past choices, or simply beat ourselves up. Don’t punish yourself, instead learn from your experiences and make them a lesson. Give yourself gratitude for things you do throughout the day. Maybe you painted a room or took a shower for the first time in three days. Celebrate that! The one voice you are going to hear every single day is yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself that positive talking and learn to love yourself. We teach our children to speak kindly to others, so we should do the same to ourselves. 

  1. Recognize Triggers 

Throughout our life experiences, we develop triggers that are associated with mostly negative events in our lives. For example, during my first deployment, I had a special ringtone for when my husband would call. Anytime I heard that specific ringtone I immediately forgot all things I was doing and would immediately find my phone to take his call as they were few and far in between.

Even after his return when I hear that ringtone it immediately triggers me into panic mode to find my phone. To help with this, I have changed the ringtone on my phone. This is a simple example of a trigger, but it is important to recognize what triggers you so that you can work on not being triggered especially if it is associated with negative memories. 

  1. Create a Routine

From an early age, we are introduced to routines or a schedule of events based on the time of when things will happen. Think back to elementary school when we knew what time we had naps (I miss this), lunch, bathroom breaks, etc. Very similar to how children need a schedule to help them with their day, so do we as adults! To help get yourself into the flow of the day, make a routine for yourself that includes the fun things you enjoy.

Maybe you have a full-time work schedule and you are also the housekeeper and caretaker but you want to go to the gym. Write out your schedule and see where you can plug in a time for the gym. Maybe you are feeling depressed and having a hard time getting up to complete a task. That’s okay! Try writing out things you would like to get done or need to get done like laundry, grocery shopping, reading a book, or taking a walk. We have smartphones that can help us with our calendars and routines to help get us moving. Utilize this! Remember, small steps and celebrate the things you did!

  1. Find New Ways to Help Your Mental Health 

Find things that bring you joy and add it to your day! Maybe you really enjoy physical activities like biking, running, kayaking, or kickboxing. Do it! Maybe you are wanting to start a new hobby like gardening. Do it!

From 2020 into 2021, I was looking for things that made me happy to benefit my mental health. I found out our duty station happened to have an on post gardening club. How amazing is that?!  I did all the reading and researching I could and decided to rent my own garden plot. I spent many hours in the garden digging new beds, weeding (mostly), and planting new vegetables.

Even if this was trial and error, my mental health improved so much! Listening to the birds sing, the outdoor fresh air, and the excitement of a tiny seed I planted coming to the surface. The sense of growing something, even if it didn’t survive, felt so great! New hobbies are a great way to help with our mental health and provide an outlet for our creativity or freeness of the mind.

Overall, you know yourself better than anyone else. Be true to yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy! For many of us who wear many hats in our household, it is hard to remember to take care of ourselves too. You are important, loved, and you got this! Remember to celebrate things you do every day and give yourself some positive talks. 

6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

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6 Resources For Military Spouses Struggling With Anxiety and Depression

I suffer from anxiety. Having a spouse in the military can add to the struggle. Over the years I have learned what works and how to deal with my anxiety. Sometimes that means changing little things in my life, other times that has meant going to see a counselor.

I know I am not alone in my anxiety. Other military spouses struggle with it too. Some spouses struggle with depression as well. No matter who you are or what you do, struggling with anxiety and depression can be a lifelong battle.

Anxiety and Depression

Mental health is a serious issue in the US and our military. It has touched our family personally as well as many other families I know. We shouldn’t be sweeping it under the rug, and we shouldn’t be embarrassed to reach out and seek help if we need it.

The good thing is that there are resources for military spouses who struggle with anxiety and depression. We don’t have to go through this alone. There is help out there.

Here is a list of six resources to help with your anxiety or depression:

TRICARE

One of the best things you can do if you are struggling with anxiety or depression is to talk about what is going on with your doctor. They can then talk with you about your options. For some that does mean medications and that choice should be one you make with your doctor.

For others, it could mean going to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist. The good news is that TRICARE will allow self-referrals for mental health. You can have up to eight visits without having to get a referral. That means you can head on over to TRICARE to find an approved provider, call and make an appointment, and be seen. After the 8 visits, you can have the provider submit for more.

Military Family Life Counselor

The Military Family Life Counselor or MFLC program is where you can find a licensed clinical provider whose goal is to assist service members and their families with a wide range of issues. They offer this non-medical and confidential help if you need it, but they should not replace going to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist.

Military One Source

The Military Family and Life Counseling Program offers non-medical and short-term counseling to the military and their families. This can be a good choice if you are dealing with deployment adjustments, stress management, grieving the loss of a loved one, or more. They do not deal with cases of abuse, suicidal thoughts, or mental health issues that may require long-term care or medication.

Military One Source also has articles on mental health and other issues affecting military families.

Give An Hour

This organization has a mission to be able to help others by connecting them with a network of volunteers that can respond to the conditions that they are going through. Since 2005 they have focused on providing free mental health care to the military (including the National Guard and the Reserves,) Veterans and their families.

This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for those in distress or in crisis. Please use this if you or a loved one is in trouble. They also have information on suicide and mental health as well as stories of recovery and hope.

Mental Wellness

The official website of the Military Health System. Information on mental health and wellness. They also have mental wellness tools and apps you can use.

 

If you are struggling, know you don’t have to struggle alone. There are resources out there for you, to help you get what you need to be in a better place.

Do you know of any resources for military spouses with anxiety and depression that should be added to this list?