Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military families

That Breast Pump Might Just Change Your Life

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That Breast Pump Might Just Change Your Life

This is a sponsored post!

When I had my 3rd little boy, my older two were around 4 and 6 years old. And they were active little boys! Having only two hands, adding that third baby was a bit of a balancing act.

I had one boy in elementary school, one in preschool, and a new baby. I remember that I would sit and use my breast pump in my room, having to be plugged in and sitting down to do so. This meant that I had to make sure my other two boys were safe and entertained elsewhere.

My “baby” is now almost 10 years old, and things have gotten even better for breastfeeding moms. For one thing, you can now get a free breast pump from TRICARE.

That’s right! This is a benefit for all military spouses and military moms.

How does it work?

  • TRICARE will give one breast pump out per “birth event.” What is a birth event? Either a pregnancy, or an adoption of an infant with plans to breastfeed.
  • This is true for any TRICARE plan, from active duty to National Guard.
  • You can get your breast pump in a few different ways, including from a civilian stateside or overseas retail store, or an online store.

The Breastfeeding Shop is one of the best places you can go to get your TRICARE benefit breast pump.

In addition to this TRICARE added benefit, there are now more choices when it comes to what breast pump you want to get, including wearable and wireless pumps.

With a wearable breast pump, you can more easily multitask, not be stuck pumping in one location by an outlet, and you can quite literally pump on the go.

Interested in a wearable breast pump? The Breastfeeding Shop can help you out with that.

The Elvie, Freemie, and Willow are popular wearable pumps. Right now, the Breastfeeding Shop has the Elvie and Freemie avaliable. Here are a little about both:

The Freemie- This pump offers hospital power suction, in a hands-free double pump. The pump is small, quiet, and you can wear the pump under your bra. There is a rechargeable battery and has super light cups so you don’t always have to use a bag. This pump would be $0 out-of-pocket with your TRICARE benefit.

The Elvie-This pump is an amazing wearable pump that fits into your bra. The pump is practically silent, includes custom fitting breast shields, and has 7 settings for suction. This pump does have an up-charge as TRICARE doesn’t pay 100% for luxury pumps, however, the Breastfeeding Shop will have the lowest out-of-pocket costs for this type of pump.

The Breastfeeding Shop also carries plenty of other types of pumps if you are not interested in a wearable one. Sometimes it is best to go with a more traditional pump if breastfeeding is new for you and/or this is your first baby.

A wearable pump can be fun and convenient for moms that would like to have that flexibility. However, the wearables are limited with their size flanges available. So if you do need a specific size flange – they might not have it. That is something to keep in mind when making your decision on what type of breast pump you want to get.

If you take a look at the Breastfeeding Shop’s website, you can see they have a comparison chart of the different types of pumps. When you are ready to move forward, you can fill out their online form to get your pump. You will need to have a prescription from a TRICARE-authorized doctor, physician assistant, nurse practitioner, or nurse-midwife.

I love that this is a TRICARE benefit, as I know being able to have access to a breast pump is very helpful for so many moms. Head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop and enjoy your new pump!

The Top 10 Takeaways From Military Family Lifestyle Survey

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This post is sponsored by Blue Star Families!

Have you heard of the Blue Star Families Annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey? This survey provides a comprehensive understanding of the experiences and challenges encountered by military families. It is a yearly snapshot of the state of military families.

The data from the survey isn’t just to share with military families, it is also there to help change things for the better. It helps to inform national leaders, local communities, and philanthropic actors. It helps increase dialogue between the military community and broader American society, minimizing the civilian-military divide and supporting the health and sustainability of the all-volunteer force.

Blue Star Families conducted its 10th annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey from May through June 2019. They had over 11,000 respondents, including active duty service members, veterans, National Guard, Reserve, and their immediate family members.

The Blue Star Families Annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey is the largest and most comprehensive survey of the military and their families.

There is a lot of information in the survey, so I wanted to highlight the top 10 takeaways based on the top trends and findings for 2019.

Military families act to offset the impact of relocation on their children’s education, an issue that continues to be a top-five issue of concern for respondents.

Military families have concerns around family stability and dependent children’s education. Some are either turning to homeschooling, or voluntary separation from their service member.

Availability and affordability of childcare are barriers that negatively impact service members’ pursuit of employment and/or education.

Not being able to find or afford good childcare is making it difficult to pursue employment or educational goals.

Military spouse respondents who are unemployed indicate their top challenge to working is service member day-to-day job demands making it difficult to balance work and home demands.

A service member’s day-to-day job demands is a top barrier to employment among military spouses. Top barriers do however differ when children are present.

Three-fourths of employed military spouse respondents experience some degree of underemployment; this issue persists among spouses of veterans.

77% of employed military spouses and 68% of veteran spouses report at least one circumstance of underemployment.

Potential impacts on a service member’s career is the most common reason for not seeking treatment for active-duty, National Guard, and Reserve family respondents who had seriously considered attempting suicide/had attempted suicide in the past year.

40% of military, veteran, National Guard, and Reserve family respondents, who had seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, and received help after the most recent incident, did not find it helpful and 8% couldn’t find that help at all.

Families enrolled in the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) report difficulty obtaining specialty medical care in a reasonable amount of time after a relocation.

40% of military family respondents who have an EFMP Family Member are unable to obtain a referral and be seen by a specialist in a reasonable amount of time after relocating.

Military family respondents caring for a child with special needs report their community does not have all the resources their family needs.

More than a 3rd (36%) of military family respondents feel like their community doesn’t have all the recourses their family needs.

National Guard and Reserve families feel local civilian support agencies are not effective in addressing their needs.

Nearly one half of National Guard and Reserve families feel their local civilian support agencies are not effective in addressing their needs.

Military and veteran family respondents who perceive that civilians in their local communities have greater military family lifestyle competence feel a greater sense of belonging to that community.

40% of military family respondents don’t feel a sense of belonging to their local civilian community.

The majority of military families have a positive experience with their children’s schools but identify improvement opportunities related to the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children.

The majority of families with school-aged children report their oldest child is thriving at school, but feel schools can improve.

Please take the time to head on over to Blue Star Families and download the survey results. There is a lot of information there, and it would be helpful for any military family member to read the results and learn more about the military community in general. Knowing what the struggles and frustrations as well as about what is going well for the military community is important.

What All These Years of War Mean to a Military Family

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What All These Years of War Mean to a Military Family

War.

Going to war.

Sending your spouse off to go to war.

War.

It’s a word that military families know well. It is a word that brings up a lot of scary feelings. It is a word that probably feels different based on your experience with it.

As we head into 2020, with news of tensions heating up in Iran, us military families can’t help but think what this means. More war.

Some of us have been doing this for a long time. A very long time.

And all these years of war can weigh on us. Even though we know this is a part of the deal. Even though we know that being a military spouse means deployments to war zones. Even though we know that this was a part of what enlisting meant.

Some military families are getting ready for yet another deployment. And after so many, this may feel quite exhausting. The weight of previous deployments sits on their shoulders. The weight of the last fifteen, sixteen or seventeen years feels like a burden that is sometimes to difficult to bear.

As deployment orders come, military families do what they always do.

At first, there could be tears, maybe many of them. Children don’t always understand and the spouse wonders how they will manage. As deployment orders come, slowly we military spouses accept what is to come with them.

We know that saying goodbye will be difficult, it always is.

We know spending months apart is not going to be a picnic, it never has been. And adding more distance isn’t ideal.

We know that there will be good deployment days and bad deployment days and anything in between.

And as much as we know we can get through another separation, after so many years of war, saying goodbye again is another burden and one we really wish we didn’t have to go through.

For some, there just wasn’t enough time at home.

For others, a deployment comes at the worst possible time. Their spouse will miss so much, just like they have before. Just like they have the last six or seven times.

We could argue if it is right for the same people to go through this over and over again. But then if they didn’t go, who would? We are an all-volunteer military for a reason, a reason that most of us support.

But at some point, we also have to ask, how much is too much?

How many months away is okay? How much more do military families endure? Is there a breaking point?

Would so many leave the service before 20 years if there were not as many deployments? Would the military be stronger if we were not involved in so many years of war? Is there any other way?

My fear and the fear of many is that this could go on for so many more years. During my time as a military spouse, I have seen quite a few changes when it comes to deployments. Things change, they always do.

These days I don’t hear too much about 15-month deployments, but I also know a Navy ship returned after 10 months last week.

Communication is so much easier than it used to be. But due to recent announcements, some will be deployed without the technology they have been used to.

And as much as we might think things are getting better overseas, are they? Will they? Won’t there always be something?

It often seems like when things seem calm, something else happens. When it seems as if the world might be getting better, something else happens in to remind us that there will always be tensions.

We, as military spouses and families want to stay strong. We want to be there for our service members. We want to be the ones back at home holding down the homefront. But what happens when yet another deployment seems a little too much?

All these years of war have been hard on military families. There is no ignoring that. Rates of anxiety and depression have gone up. We need all the extra support we can get. We need help to get through these years, no matter how long they last.

As your service member returns home, there can be even more stressful situations. From PTSD and helping your spouse heal to just the day to day of having your partner back in your home or your daily life. This all adds to the stress military families experience.

Then to do it all over again just a few years, or even months later. Repeat for the rest of your spouse’s career. That is quite a lot to take on to our shoulders. Are already weary shoulders.

I think more than anything it is important for America in general to remember this. It is easy to say the military should do this or do that, but the military is made up of men and women, all with families, all with loved ones back home.

It is important for America to know that military families need support systems.

For our children, in and out of school. For us, for our careers, and for our day-to-day lives.

We need good friends to depend on, good leadership that understands the importance of families, and a listening ear when things get a little too much for us back at home.

Wars will come. We know this. We are aware.

We will try to prepare for the road ahead as much as possible. We will try to figure out the best way to make it through another deployment. We will put on our game face and do what we have to do.

For all the years of war, we have been through and for all the years of war that might be ahead.

If you are new to military life, please check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

How You Can Celebrate Veterans Day With Your Military Family

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How You Can Celebrate Veterans Day With Your Military Family

This is a sponsored post for T-Mobile with Sofluential Media!

Can you believe it is November already? This year has flown! Whenever we get to this time of year, I start getting pretty excited about the holidays. But before we get into Thanksgiving and Christmas, we get to celebrate Veterans Day, a day to recognize and honor all veterans.

Living in a military community, there are a few things we can take part in around here. Our city has a pretty cool Veterans Day parade that involves the community – one year we were able to ride in the parade with my son’s boy scout troop and we are hoping to be able to attend again this year.

As a military family, Veterans Day can be a big day. You probably want to find events near your home and make plans to celebrate your own veteran. You can search social media for local events, check what your city or town is doing, and look into what your military installation has going on.

When it comes to discounts and free meals, many different restaurants, zoos, amusement parks, and even small businesses offer different types of perks for those who have served in the military. Last year, my husband was able to pick out a free meal from a restaurant in Nashville, and one year I went out to lunch with a group of my friends in honor of the holiday. A few of them were veterans themselves and they were able to get their meals on the house.

We have also gone to our local zoo on the Sunday of Veterans Day weekend, as they have a free day for veterans and members of the military. There really is a lot you can do around your area to celebrate the veterans in your life! Speaking of a Veterans Day parade, did you know that T-Mobile is sending over 100 veterans, military family members and allies to the Veterans Day Parade in NYC? As you might already know, T-Mobile is committed to supporting soldiers, veterans and their families and have various initiatives ranging from recruiting, career assistance to an unbeatable Military-friendly network plan. Per usual, T-Mobile goes above and beyond to support the military community and have organized a weekend full of networking events to help these employees take the next step in their career and march in one of the biggest Veterans Day events in the nation!

At T-Mobile, they provide their employees with opportunities to get involved, support and celebrate their veteran community year-round.  Just this year alone, their diversity and inclusion teams have organized over 800 events and counting for employees to attend.

T-Mobile also goes beyond exclusive discounts (although they do have those too – check out their Magenta Military plan) to provide career assistance and community support to service members, veterans and their families. They’ve committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and military spouses by 2023 and are involved with organizations like FourBlock, Recruit Military, and Hire our Heroes to make sure service members across the nation have the employment support they need. As you can see, T-Mobile lives up to their commitments and is a industry-leading champion for our military community! 

I hope you enjoy celebrating Veterans Day with your veteran or service member 🙂

Have you heard what Macy’s is doing to help military families this summer?

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This is a sponsored post! 

Have you heard what Macy’s is doing to help military families this summer?

If not, here you go. Macy’s is offering their Macy’s Salutes Those Who Serve this summer from July 1st through July 18th. What is Macy’s Salutes Those Who Serve?

Between those dates, you can simply round up your Macy’s purchase amount, and donate that amount up to $.99 to Blue Star Families and Bunker Labs.

Helping Blue Star Families in this way means helping create communities of mutual support and stability for military families who experience frequent moves and deployments. The other portion of the change will go to Bunker Labs, which is a group that inspires, equips, and connects military veterans, active duty, military spouses, and family members to start and grow successful businesses.

Sounds pretty amazing right?

We were able to take a trip to Macy’s in anticipation of this upcoming campaign. I was also able to go on a little shopping spree and pick out a few things. My husband found a pretty amazing shirt, we bought some new bed sheets, a new cookie sheet, and my son picked out a pretty rocking Avenger’s backpack set.

Although each Macy’s may look a bit different, the Macy’s at Green Hills Mall in Nashville is three stories high with so many different departments. This mall is about an hour from Fort Campbell.

You can find new furniture and items for your home after a PCS in their home section, find a new bathing suit in their swim section, or start shopping for new school clothes for the kids for the fall.


They have make-up counters, shoes, purses, and more. You can even use their free styling service if you want to try out some new looks. Macy’s is also bright and had such a nice atmosphere. We enjoyed walking around the whole store, checking out all the different departments.

I think my son’s favorite part of the visit was the VR set they had to help you try out different looks for your home. Every time we go to that store, that is the first thing he wants to do.

So…make plans to head to your local Macy’s store, or visit one on vacation and round up your purchases to help raise money that will help military families.

Remember, this campaign goes from July 1st, through July 18th.

Blue Star Families is also going to be giving away a $1,000 Macy’s gift card! This would be an amazing prize to win to put towards new household items during your next PCS or pick out homecoming outfits for your whole family.

How do you enter this awesome giveaway?

Just fill out this form here—>>> https://bluestarfam.org/macys-salutes-those-who-serve/

Good luck!

I am so thankful for companies like Macy’s that see there is a need to help military families and then make it happen. Make sure you choose to round up when you head to Macy’s between July 1st and July 18th. The military community will really appreciate it.

Get an Extra Boost this Military Spouse Appreciation Month!

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Get an Extra Boost this Military Spouse Appreciation Month!

This is a sponsored post by AAFMAA!

Charlene G Wilde, Assistant Secretary of AAFMAA

As MilSpouses, our lives are truly a combination of adventure, uncertainty, service, sacrifice, and many other things in between. And let’s face it, the truth is sometimes being a military family is downright challenging. Whether it’s working to juggle your kids solo — when just surviving a trip to the grocery store can feel like climbing Mount Everest — to feeling the pressure of having to take care of the household operations while your servicemember is away, there aren’t many dull moments (or any maybe in your case!)

First off — if any of the above speaks to part of your life and experience as a MilSpouse so far, you’re not alone. I’m right there with you. With that in mind, I wanted to share an opportunity that could give you and your family an extra financial boost. Your servicemember spouse may be able to qualify for a benefit of AAFMAA Membership called the CAP Loan.

AAFMAA’s CAP Loan is an easy, smart, and affordable way to get some additional cash. It’s open to ranks E-5 to O4 and you get $5,000 at just 1.5% APR with five years to repay. The best part? There’s no credit check, no fees, no prepayment penalties, and you can use the money for whatever you need — whether it is to tackle projects around the house, take a family trip, or something just for you.

As a member of the AAFMAA team and a MilSpouse myself, I can tell you this is a great opportunity to take control and move toward the financial empowerment we all want. Your military lifestyle and your unique needs as a military family are important. You deserve the expertise and understanding of a not-for-profit organization that has been exclusively serving the military community with smart, secure financial solutions for over 140 years. Helping MilSpouses like you achieve a secure, confident financial future for your military family is our only mission.

On Military Spouse Appreciation Day and every day, at AAFMAA, we are here to help you breathe a little easier through your day-to-day life. We stand together as MilSpouses and military families, and AAFMAA is right beside us.

Interested in the CAP Loan? Learn more on our website at www.aafmaa.com/cap or call us at (800) 991-0268 with your servicemember spouse to start their application for AAFMAA’s $5,000 CAP Loan today.

How AAFMAA Can Help Military Spouses Financially

Westgate Resorts, Gary Sinise and Gov. Ron DeSantis Host Thousands of Military Family Members in Orlando

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Westgate Resorts, Gary Sinise and Gov. Ron DeSantis Host Thousands of Military Family Members in Orlando
KISSIMMEE, FL – MAY 04: Alyssa Raghu performs during the Westgate Resorts Military Weekend 2018 at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort on May 4, 2018 in Kissimmee, Florida. (Photo by Gerardo Mora/Getty Images for Westgate Resorts) *** Local Caption *** Alyssa Raghu

Westgate Resorts will honor 1,500 U.S. military families, veterans and Gold Star families from across the nation with a free vacation at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort in Orlando, May 10-12.

Westgate Resorts, Gary Sinise and Gov. Ron DeSantis Host Thousands of Military Family Members in Orlando
KISSIMMEE, FL – MAY 04: Westgate Resorts Military Weekend 2018 at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort on May 4, 2018 in Kissimmee, Florida. (Photo by Gerardo Mora/Getty Images for Westgate Resorts)

The event continues Westgate Resorts’ and CEO David Siegel’s eight-year tradition of encouraging our nation’s heroes to spend quality time with their families. 

Westgate Resorts, Gary Sinise and Gov. Ron DeSantis Host Thousands of Military Family Members in Orlando
<> at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort on May 4, 2018 in Kissimmee, Florida.

Representing all branches of the military, more than 5,500 guests from 41 states, and Puerto Rico and Washington D.C., will enjoy complimentary accommodations and activities, including an inaugural 5K run, a resource fair featuring 25 military organizations, and admission to Westgate’s Shipwreck Island Water Park.

The event will culminate with an outdoor concert and fireworks show featuring Gary Sinise & The Lt. Dan Band, with special appearance by Grammy-winner Lee Greenwood.

2019 Update!

Westgate Resorts
Gary Sinise & The Lt. Dan Band entertains the crowd at Westgate Resorts Military Weekend. Gary Sinise and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited with thousands of military families on Saturday, May 11, 2019 in Orlando, Fla. For its eighth year running, Westgate Resorts hosted military families, veterans and Gold Star families from across the nation with a free vacation at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort. (Scott Iskowitz/AP Images for Westgate Resorts)

Westgate Resorts, Gary Sinise and Gov. Ron DeSantis hosted thousands of military families in Orlando on Saturday. For its eighth year running, Westgate Resorts honored military families, veterans and Gold Star families from across the nation with a free vacation at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort.
 
Representing all branches of the military, more than 5,500 guests from 41 states, and Puerto Rico and Washington D.C., enjoyed complimentary accommodations and activities, including an inaugural 5K run, a resource fair featuring 25 military organizations, and admission to Westgate’s Shipwreck Island Water Park. 

In total, the Westgate Resorts Foundation contributed $50,000 to military nonprofit organizations. 

The event ended with an incredible outdoor concert and fireworks show featuring Gary Sinise & The Lt. Dan Band, with special appearance by Grammy-winner LeeGreenwood.

Westgate Resorts
Gary Sinise visits with veterans before performing at Westgate Resorts Military Weekend. Gary Sinise and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited with thousands of military families on Saturday, May 11, 2019 in Orlando, Fla. For its eighth year running, Westgate Resorts hosted military families, veterans and Gold Star families from across the nation with a free vacation at Westgate Vacation Villas & Town Center Resort. (Scott Iskowitz/AP Images for Westgate Resorts)

It’s awesome that Westgate Resorts continues to support both active duty and retired military personnel, military families, and first responders through its annual giveaways and discounts. Whether you’re looking for free vacations for military families, or some great hotel discounts for military, Westgate Resorts has some great options.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

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Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

This past weekend, the article, Why Raising Kids Without Family Nearby Sucks by Scary Mommy was being shared on Facebook.

I could really relate to most of that post, as many other military spouses can too.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

We have not lived near family since my oldest son, who is almost 14, was six months old. We have never really had local family to help us along the way. My kids don’t know our families as well as they could. There are a lot of things they are missing out on because of living far from home.

Some of my friends do live near their family. I see their parents stepping in for different situations. They seem to always have a backup. If dad has to work, and mom has to take one kid to an appointment right when school gets out, a family member can pick up the other kids.

I see how friends can attend family birthday parties, and go out with their parents on Mother’s day, and Father’s day. I see how grandparents go to all the sporting games, school plays, and other events that kids take part in.

While some of our family has been able to come and visit and experience some of that, it hasn’t been the norm.

When I think about all of this, when I think about how our lives would be different if we lived closer to family, I couldn’t help but wonder if I am looking at that through rose colored glasses? Maybe it wouldn’t be as wonderful as I think it would be? Maybe, for my personality, it would drive me nuts? Maybe I am thinking all of this to cope with the fact that it might not ever work out to live near family?

When I was growing up, I wanted to get out and explore other places. I wanted to know what living somewhere else was like. I wanted to experience something completely different. Because of this, I moved about nine hours away from home for college. Then, my husband and I moved to Kentucky in 2005. The Army took us to Germany, and then Tennessee. None of these places are like where I grew up in Southern California.

These days, we have a home here in Tennesse, in a military friendly city, that we usually enjoy living in.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

We are over 2,000 miles from most of our family. And sometimes I like that. 

Don’t get me wrong. I miss my family like crazy. I wish I could be there too most days. To go to my dad’s concerts, to meet up during the week for lunch with my mom, to be there as my brother starts a family. I hate missing so much.

But the reality is, I am not sure what it would be like to live near my family. I have never really done it except for extended trips. I don’t know what it is like to be able to see them all the time or to have such easy access.

Do I get along so well with my family because I don’t live close? Would there be drama if I was? I just don’t know.

So on those days when I am feeling bad because I am not raising my kids near family, I try to think of the positives of this way of life. The quiet Christmas mornings, just our family of five. Being able to parent the way I want without a lot of well-meaning opinions thrown into the mix. Being able to vacation in Southern California vs trying to raise a family. Because I am not even sure how people do that these days and a lot of my friends have moved out of state for cheaper places to live anyway.

Military families can have amazing experiences during their time in the service.

They can live down the road from a castle in Germany. They can be stationed near the beaches of Hawaii. They can live off the California coast, or have the mountains of Colorado as a backdrop. And a lot of these experiences come at the cost of not being able to live near family. Of missing out on too much. Of being the out-of-town people who visit once in a while.

And maybe, in the end, there is no perfect way to do this. Perhaps each type of life comes with its own set of pros and cons. And perhaps those are different based on who you are and what you want in life.

Can Raising Your Kids Away From Family Be A Good Thing?

And when you are raising your kids away from family, you find a way to make things work.

You have to rely on other people, which can be hard, but which can also help you grow relationships you wouldn’t otherwise have. You learn different skills and work to make a good life for your kids, even if extended family isn’t the biggest part. You learn to adjust and figure out a way to make it through.

As for us, I really don’t know what the future holds. Somedays I want to move back to the west coast, and others I am perfectly fine here in Tennessee.

What about you? Have you ever lived near family? Did you like it? Do you dream of a life where you can?

Why the Military Life Isn’t Like Any Other Life

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Why the Military Life Isn’t Like Any Other Life

The military life is a unique life. It just is. Saying it is “just like any other life” doesn’t make any sense.

Why the Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish my husband hadn’t missed my son’s birth and pretty much his entire first year. Most parents don’t have to do that, and the thought of doing so would be unbelievable. But missing a whole year of a child’s life is not uncommon in the military world.

I wish that none of my friends ever had to PCS. Saying goodbye to your good friends is the worst. While everyone does experience friends moving away, or even moving themselves, the military does so on a regular basis. This is one of the many things we experience as a military spouse.

The Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish my husband had been able to have been there during the difficult years of adapting to an autism diagnosis. That was such a difficult time for us. My son really did need two parents in the house but he only had one. I did the best that I could, but there was a big loss there, one that was felt by all of us.

I wish so many spouses were not hurting because of a military-related loss. I have friends whose husbands never came home from deployments. I have friends whose husbands came home, only to be completely different people. There are so many military families out there struggling, trying to heal from the wounds of war, whatever they might be.

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

I wish that when war was being talked about I could just ignore it because it didn’t affect me at all. But it does. What the US does overseas affects us, military families, greatly. There is no way to turn that off. We can’t do that like others can. We can’t just ignore it. We worry about war, new wars, and wars we have been in for years.

I am not sure where the idea came from that military life is simply a job, just like any other job. While there are plenty of other difficult jobs out there, each with their own struggles, the military life is a unique life, not like any other. And that is why we have the support systems we do.

As military spouses, we simply can’t go through this life alone. We need our people. Whether our people is a group of friends, a best friend that we can always talk to, or online friends we met through a support group. We reach out because we need to find people who understand what being a military spouse is all about, or at least listen to us as we make our way through this life.

The Military Life Isn't Like Any Other Life

The military affects the whole family. In one way or another.

As a National Guard spouse, I can go for periods of time without thinking about the military. But then, I hear about summer AT dates, or possible deployments. I wash his uniform and I remember every time I had to say goodbye to him while he was wearing it. The military is always there.

When my husband was active duty, deploying over and over, the military was even more so in our lives. When they told us my husband might have to deploy, days before my due date. When he was overseas and the deployment got extended, so he would be gone for over a year.

When duty calls, they must go, and we as spouses support them as they do.

The military is very much a part of our lives, there is no way to deny that. This is a completely different experience than a spouse who works a more typical 9-5 job. The military life is its own beast, for good and for bad.

I wish serving in the military was just like any other job, but it isn’t.

How has your spouse joining the military changed your life? 

 

A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

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A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

In January of 2012, we sat in the doctor’s office and heard what we had suspected about our then five-year-old son. After three or four months of testing, meeting with the doctor, and answering questions about him, our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s.

As we were waiting to hear what his diagnosis was, I did my own research and came to the same conclusion. It was the only thing that made any sense. My biggest fear going into that appointment was not that he would tell me what was wrong with my son, it was that he would tell me nothing was wrong because I knew in my heart something was.

Asperger’s. Autism. High functioning Autism. A different type of life. Special needs. ABA. Fits. Misunderstandings. Love.

On this day, April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day, I wanted to write to my son. He is 11 now, and we have come so far since that day in 2012, but I know that we have a long way to go.

To my little boy,

First of all, I have to tell you how much I love you. I still remember the day you were born, right in the middle of your Dad’s deployment. I remember they gave you to me and we had to wait for them to move us to the recovery room. And when it was time to do that, they wheeled us there on the bed, and I felt like a queen in a parade, holding my new bundle.

That day, that night, I had no idea what our journey of mother and son would take us. Would you be like your older brother? Would you be like me? Like your dad?

As you grew, I watched you closely. I was concerned about speech delays, what your brother struggled with. But you didn’t seem to have any issues there. You started talking, and I thought everything was going along the way things should.

Then we moved to Tennessee, and as you grew from a young toddler to a preschooler, my mommy heart started to worry. I began to notice how hard playing with other kids was. Sometimes you destroyed the castles they had built out of blocks. Sometimes you yelled at them. Sometimes you hit. And when we asked you why you told us it was because they were doing it wrong.

I wondered what I was doing wrong as a parent. I wondered what else I should be doing.

Then I told myself all kids could hit at that age. Preschoolers aren’t exactly known for their sharing abilities. I told myself that you were having a difficult time because you had never been to daycare before, that you were just not used to being around so many kids. We had playdates, but I didn’t leave you as often back then.

As you started at a regular preschool, I knew in my heart something wasn’t quite right. I knew you were struggling there. But why? Why were you always getting in trouble? What was going on?

That’s when we decided we needed to figure out what was going on. Your regular doctor didn’t think anything was going on at first, but I pushed. I had to. I needed answers. And then that day in January, we got them.

Asperger’s. That is what you had. That was what you would be dealing with. That is what would make you you.

We started with ABA, and they helped us so very much. You started kindergarten and with that all types of new challenges. You didn’t want to go to school; you didn’t see why you had to be there.

But we worked hard, so hard. The years went by, and as they did, I got to watch you grow. Before, when the bus came to pick you up, you would resist. Now, you run out there on your own.

This isn’t to stay we don’t still have challenges, we do. But what once was an everyday struggle, changed to once a week and these days more like a once a month of that type of struggle. As I look back over the years, I know you are going to be okay because we have come so far already.

I know that school is hard for you, but I also know that you can do school. You can get through it, and you can make it work for you.

I know that making friends is hard for you too, but I also see that you want to reach out and that you will find your people too. I know you will.

I am so thankful you and your older brother are best friends. I hope that you can have that with your younger brother someday too. Your brothers will always be there for you, they have your back, and they want the best for you too.

I love seeing you excited and happy about something. Sometimes that is Disneyland, other times it is when you figure out how to get through a video game or when we stop and check out the cats at the pet store.

I know that you have your dad’s sense of humor. Sometimes this is hard to see, through the everyday struggles, but it is there.

I know sometimes life is harder for you than it should be for an 11-year-old.

On those days I wish I could grab you up and take you away from all the hard things life brings. But the truth is, you need to work through them. But as you do, you know you will always have me by your side. I will always be there to listen and to help you get through it, whatever the struggle might be.

I am not sure what life will be like for you as an adult. I am not sure what will be hard for you and what won’t be a challenge anymore. I do know that you will go on and do great things. I know this. 

I am so proud of how far you have come. You work hard to make your way in this world, even when you don’t understand it. Even when it doesn’t make any sense to you.

Always remember that your Dad and I love you and will always be there for you. To walk with you through this life, and be there to help when we can.

Love to you forever,

Mom.

Do you have a child on the autism spectrum too?