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military friendships

With a Little Help From My Military Spouse Friends

October 8, 2019 by Julie

With a Little Help From My Military Spouse Friends

We all need our military spouse friends…

As I have walked through this military life, there have been ups and downs.

I have had good days, filled with excitement and hope. I have had bad days, where I just wanted to curl up into a ball and fall asleep until the next day. But no matter what is going on, knowing I have people who have my back has been a lifesaver.

Knowing I have friends I can talk to when the deployment doesn’t seem to want to end, allows me to figure out ways to make it through.

Knowing I have friends I can vent to about a bad deployment day, helps those days not seem so awful.

Knowing I have friends who get this life, and that we can help each other is so very valuable.

These other women, who I have been able to walk this life with have been truly amazing. I am not sure how I would have gone through everything without them. I am not sure how I could have made it to the finish line of deployments in one piece without them.

Sometimes this was meeting up weekly, just to check in after a weekend. Other times this was getting our kids together to play, so that they could have fun, and that we had another adult to talk to. Or maybe this was having someone to talk to about how hard things were getting, and working to help each other out.

I recently returned from MakeHer19, and within this group of 30 military spouses, I saw so much love and support.

I saw people helping other people, answering questions, and sharing what might help.

I saw cheerleaders, helping their new friends have the confidence to go forward with a new idea.

I saw smiles when others chose to step out of their comfort zone, knowing that they have people in their corner, ready to help them along the way.

We need a little help from our military spouse friends. We need that support. We need that support whether we are talking about the stress of a deployment, the craziness of a move, or the challenges that can come about when we are focusing on our careers.

We need people that have our backs when we can feel so alone.

We need people who either understand what we are going through or who are willing to listen to us, even if they don’t.

We need a circle of trust, of people we can depend on, and people we can return the favor to.

And man, it can be hard sometimes.

I remember sitting with a group of my close military spouse friends a few years ago. We had met up for a playdate lunch and as we sat around the table chatting, I had a thought. This is not going to last forever. Everyone will eventually PCS and the dynamic will change.

And that is excatly what happened…everyone moved away eventually and our friend circle fell apart. I still keep in touch with these ladies over the miles, but it will never be the same. And that’s just apart of the military life I have come to accept.

I also know, that there is always someone new out there. There are always new people moving to this area, and some I can connect with. This might take more time than I would like, but if I am in need of a new friend, putting myself out there will eventually result in new friendships.

In this military life, it can be easy to want to pull back and stay away from everyone. You can tell yourself that the friend search isn’t even worth the time since you will only be there for a few years.

But…

Friends can be what we need to get through the challenges of military life. Friends encourage. Friends help us stay busy when we might not otherwise know how to make time pass.

We all need a little help from military spouse friends, especially when things seem so difficult.

Here are some additional articles and resources to help you find your people:

When You Can’t Make Friends at Your Duty Station

How to Make Awesome Friends in Military Life

How to Make Friends: 3 Ways to Find Your Tribe

8 Ways to Find Your New Best Friends

Finding Friends in a Military World

Instant Friendship: A Gift From Military Life

When An Introverted Military Spouse Needs To Make Friends

Joining the Sisterhood

Don’t give up. You can find friends. That journey isn’t always going to be easy, and saying goodbye isn’t going to be fun, but being able to walk with other spouses during your time in military life is a must.

  • Photo by James Baldwin on Unsplash

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, military life, military spouse

When An Introverted Military Spouse Needs To Make Friends

May 16, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

When An Introverted Military Spouse Needs To Make Friends

“Why are you so quiet?”

I was asked this SO many times as a kid and you know what, I hated it so much. I was so shy, I had social anxiety I am sure, and I was an introvert.

And because of that, I struggled a bit. Sure, with my best friends and family I could be super loud. I remember my parents telling me they were going to tape record (yep, 80s kid here) me and give it to my teachers.

My shyness was really a struggle. I can remember people asking me questions and being TERRIFIED to answer them. I just couldn’t talk to them.

As a young teenager, I was able to use humor to help a little, although that didn’t always go well. I found myself repeating lines from Saturday Night Life or some other funny show in order to fit in with people.

As an older teenager, things got a little easier for me. Then I left for college.

College was so much easier. I was able to talk to more and more people. I didn’t get scared when people asked me a question. I could go up to people and talk to them without much issue.

Fast forward to today. I am 40. Most days I feel like an introvert, some days I can be more extroverted. I am still quiet. I don’t think anyone would call me loud, well accept my kids. Sometimes I feel pretty socially awkward, other days I don’t. Just depends on my mood.

If I walk into a room full of people I don’t know, I can handle myself. But doing so isn’t always comfortable.

I have gotten up in front of people to speak, and I would do that again, but I can also get pretty nervous when I do.

If I see someone I don’t know too well out and about, I struggle with if I should say hi or not. That is awkward for me.

I know that I am not the only military spouse who is an introvert. I know others struggle with making friends and going into situations where they are the new girl. I know how hard that can be.

But…as military spouses, we have to do it, at least on some level. We have to get out and attend something, whether it be an FRG meeting, a playgroup, or even a mandatory fun event. If we never go to anything, meeting other spouses will be that much harder to do.

Here are a few tips for introverted military spouses who need to make some friends:

  • Use the internet

Find a local group about something you love to do. Join it. Get to know some of the people in the group online. Attend one of their events. When you go, you should have already interacted with a few people already, and that can make it easier to talk with others and make some real friends.

  • Go places you can meet people

There are probably groups and clubs, and events going on at your duty station or in your city. See what is going on and find some places you would be interested in. MOPS is perfect if you have little kids.

Then make sure you go. Be friendly when you are there, and see what happens. You never know. And remember, there are going to be other introverted military spouses there too.

  • Remember, you are not alone

Remember, you are not the only one who is shy, trying to make friends. Other people are too. You are not the only one that feels they have social anxiety, others do too. You are not the lone introverted spouse in a sea of extroverts. Whenever you go somewhere new, think about that, and hopefully, that will make the whole experience easier for you.

I like to say that making friends as a military spouse is a must. This is so true, but I also know getting out there to actually make those friends can be difficult. So, whether you are introverted, feel socially awkward, or just think you are pretty shy, you got this.

Military life can change us and push us to do things we didn’t think we could do. I think this is one of those areas. Military life will force you out of your comfort zone, but the rewards for doing so make it worth it.

What have you done to make friends as an introverted military spouse?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, military life, military spouse

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

August 27, 2018 by Julie

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

We all need people. People we can depend on, people we can connect with, and people we can have meaningful relationships with.

We might make a new friend, and find out they are moving in three months.

We might have the perfect group of friends, knowing we will PCS in just a few months.

We might be brand new to our duty station and feel overwhelmed with starting over yet another time.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

The truth is, we need to find these meaningful friendships to help us through our military spouse lives.

Having a deployment buddy makes the time go by that much faster. Knowing you have people to invite over for a pizza night when he has 24-hour CQ, your three-year-old refuses to pee in the potty, and five-month-old starts waking up every two hours again.

Finding your people will get you through some of your hardest times as a military spouse. People you can depend on, people who get this life, and people you can help in return.

Finding those meaningful friendships isn’t always easy, and sometimes they can take longer than we want to find the right person, but here are some things to think about when it comes to finding meaningful friendships in military spouse life:

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Open up about your struggles

This one is hard for me, so very hard, but when you can open up about your struggles, you can bond with others who have been through them too. Maybe it is a long deployment you didn’t think you could get through, maybe you had a miscarriage last year, maybe your marriage is struggling, and you simply don’t know what to do about it.

Opening up and sharing everything to everyone you meet is not a good idea, but if you feel like you can trust the person, opening up can be a way to connect and start the journey of becoming much closer friends.

A year is still enough time

Having five to ten years or more of in-person friendship is ideal, that isn’t our reality as military spouses who move every few years. What can happen is that you can meet someone, be around them for a year, and continue your friendship across the miles.

You can text, email, and video chat. You can plan to see each other and be intentional about connecting even though you are far away. Plus, you never know when the military might bring you guys back around to the same duty station in the future.

Stay in touch

If a friend moves away, make sure you take the time to reach out to them. Send a text asking how they are doing, comment on their photos on Facebook, or send an email asking them about the next stage of their life.

This can be difficult sometimes. Life does move on. People get involved at their new duty station. But that doesn’t mean that when you say goodbye to a friend, that has to be the last time you connect with them.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Be a listening ear

Be there for people. Offer up a listening ear. Be trustworthy so that you can connect with others. Being there for others will go a long way in helping you find those meaningful relationships that you are looking for.

Make sure you are getting out there

Are you getting out of the house looking for ways to make friends? Did you try once and then said forget it? Sometimes we try to make friends once, it doesn’t work out, and we don’t want to try again.

I would encourage you to keep going. At a military installation, people are always moving in, there are always new people to meet. It is normal to get discouraged when new friends aren’t happening as soon as you want them to, but you have to keep putting yourself out there.

If you are on the shy side or can’t seem to get yourself to go places, try online. There are probably a lot of different Facebook groups out there for your duty station. Some might be more general and others hobby or age specific.

Remember, so many of the other military spouses at your duty station are looking for meaningful friendships too. You are not alone in this. Try to get out there, meet others, and do what you can to find friends, no matter where you are stationed, or how long you will be there.

Where did you meet some of your best friends???

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, military spouse, Milspouse

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

June 8, 2018 by Julie

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

As a new Army wife, I didn’t know a whole lot about the military lifestyle. Sure, I knew the basics, but standing at our first duty station in Schweinfurt, Germany, I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I can remember standing there, watching a group of soldiers going by, and knowing everything had changed for us.

I was lucky though. Within those first months of being an Army wife in Germany, I found friends. I found other spouses who not only knew what military life was like but going through the same thing I was. We were all getting ready for a deployment, a first deployment for many of us and we knew we could do it together.

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

I honestly am not sure what I would have done or how I could have gotten through that deployment without my military spouse friends.

Although things were not always perfect, and there was drama, of course, there was drama, having people to go through a deployment with helped us all make it through what would turn out to be one of the longest and hardest deployments.

Over the years, I have made friends at every step of the way. From my best friend in Germany to my current circle here at Fort Campbell. From military spouse bloggers to some of the amazing people I have met through my blogging in all parts of the world.

In MOPS this last year I was able to speak about 3 am friends. You know the ones. The people you could call at 3 am when life was falling apart. The people you could depend on during your most difficult times. The people who made this lifestyle so much better.

I am so thankful for the 3 am friends I have made over the years. Knowing you have someone to call when you might need something, knowing you have that person, it’s an amazing feeling and helps so much living this military lifestyle. From a friend who watched my two-year-old while I was in the hospital with my 2-month-old, to my friend that always let me vent about how frustrated I was that my husband kept getting deployed.

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

So to my military spouse friends, you are the best.

You are the ones who have made deployments go by that much faster. From making plans together to being able to vent about not being able to talk to our husbands. From having our kids play together to helping each other out with childcare.

You are the ones who let me know that I can, in fact, get through what I need to get through. Your strength inspires me. When I feel weak, you can make me feel strong again and that I can handle whatever this life throws my way.

You have made me laugh when things were crazy, and let me cry when life got too hard. And I hope in return I have done the same when you needed that pick me up. We, military spouses, can help one another out, even in the darkest of times.

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

So, to my military spouse friends, thank you.

Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for your friendship and your love. Thank you for caring, and thank you for always being there.

Many years from now, when military life is over, I will look back and think of all of you. Of all the fun memories we made, of all the struggles we got through together, of the different dreams and talks and experiences we had.

How have you made friends along your military spouse journey? 

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, military life, military spouse

When Military Spouse Friends Have To Say Goodbye

August 25, 2017 by Julie 1 Comment

When Military Spouse Friends Have To Say Goodbye

I was listening to Jen Hatmaker’s new podcast about friendship. The episode was an interview with Vicki Lovine who wrote the Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy and other Girlfriend’s books. As Jen is doing a series on girlfriends, she is the perfect guest to talk about the subject.

During the episode, Vicki talks about how a lot of her friends she met when her children were very young on the playground. How they connected then and just grew through the years together. This reminded me so much of my mom and her friends.

She moved out to California from the Midwest after college and found her group of friends. Most of them had little girls the same age as me, and these women became like aunts to me. They were there throughout my childhood. These days, as they are in their 70s, some have moved away to be near their children in other places, but their friendship is still very strong.

When I was thinking about all this, I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. The moms I met at the playground back when my kids were a lot younger? Well none of us even live in the same country where we met.

This is the reality of military life. You or your friends always move away.

Maybe you get lucky, and you get to spend four or five years together. Maybe you end up getting stationed in the same place again. Maybe you can plan to see one other on vacation. But the reality is, once you or friends move away, that is it. Things are never the same again.

You don’t get to grow together in person, only across the miles. You can watch each other on Facebook, commenting and liking photos as your kids grow. They might have another baby, you might have another one too, and you are aware that there is a huge part of their life you know nothing about.

As military spouses, we accept that this is going to happen.

That the local friends we had when our son was two are not going to be the same local friends we have when they are twelve. We know that any friend group is going to be temporary. And saying that makes my heart hurt.

As we say goodbye to our best friends, we hope we can stay in touch. We hope that we can somehow keep things the same, even though we know they will be different. We hope that we can still talk every day, even if we don’t hear each other’s voices anymore.

And the truth is, you can stay in touch with friends who have moved away. But it takes a lot of work.

Work on your part and work on theirs. I have learned that if both parties are not up for that type of long-distance relationship, the friendship will fade away. You both have to want it. And more than want it, you have to have the energy to keep up with it. Life doesn’t always give us that.

One day you realize that you haven’t talked in over a year and you don’t see that changing anytime soon. You are aware that things are different now, and although they will always have such a special place in your heart, things will never even be close to the way they were. That’s life. 

But then, you have the friends where you can keep in touch.

Where you talk over text, like each other’s Facebook posts, and know what is going on in their lives. Where if you do see one another again in person, you know you won’t feel strange or weird because your friendship hasn’t missed a beat.

These friendships are the ones that will last. These are the people you will know years from now. These are the friends that you will always have.

I have cried so many tears over friends moving away. I do this because I know I will miss them and what we had. And even if I am aware that this was coming, it doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.

The best thing to do is to have faith that your friendships can stand the test of time, even if you don’t talk too often.

Know that they could be missing you, just like you are missing them. That sometimes we are only friends for a season, but that doesn’t change what we learned from them or what we had together. And know that someday, things could be different.

That the constant moves of military life will end, that you will find a place to dig your roots into, that you will find friends that will be there as long as you are. That someday you won’t always have to say goodbye to the people who are special to you.

You will be able to look back over the years at all the people who you have called friends.

That although they live all over the US or even the world, that you know you became a richer person because of all of them. That you know that although the pain of saying goodbye will always be with you, the memories of what you had will also stay with you for the rest of your life.

Being a military spouse, you will have to say goodbye to your friends. Some will be your best friends; others will be more casual friends. And as hard as this will be, you are strong enough to endure the goodbyes. You will figure out how to cope and that will not stop you from making new friends wherever you go in the future.

Have you been able to stay in touch with your military friends over the years?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, military life, military spouse

Why Military Spouse Friendships Are Important

June 28, 2017 by Julie

Why Military Spouse Friendships Are ImportantWhy Military Spouse Friendships Are Important

The first military friends I ever met were after I moved to Germany when I was 26 years old. I met most of these ladies through the FRG. I also met people through play groups and PWOC. Over the years I have been able to make friends at places like swim lessons, MOPS, and our local Bunco group.

Sometimes it can take a while to find those people that you will connect with. When you move somewhere new, thinking about finding those friends can feel pretty overwhelming. Where do you go? How do you make friends? How much do you have to put yourself out there?

Military Friendships

Finding military friends might be difficult sometimes but worth it.

Here is why…

Friends make the time pass

Let’s face it, having friends helps the time to pass. Whether you are busy making lunch dates, dinners out, or just getting together with the kids every so often. Staying busy is a must and friends help you do just that. If you are new to your duty station, finding a friend who has been there a while can help you get to know the area too.

Friends get you through the hardest parts

Having a bad deployment day? You can call a friend. Not sure how you will get through the next few months? Let people know. Most likely they will understand what you are going through and want to help. Knowing you have people to go to just to vent or to work out a problem is a good thing.

Friendships

Friends help you make memories

When you spend time together, whether you do so on a holiday when both your husbands are deployed or you meet up regularly just to chat, you will be making memories you will always cherish. Once you or they move away, you will think back to those memories that you have made and smile. Even when several years have passed, you will look back at those moments and be so thankful that you had those times together.

Military friendships can last forever

Even though the military means you have to move around and saying goodbye to people becomes the norm, you don’t have to say goodbye altogether. The military world can surprise you and you never know when you two might end up at the same duty station again or when one of you will be visiting nearby. Stay in touch, post to each other on social media, and make plans to meet up again, even if it is years down the line.

They know what it is like to miss their spouse

When you are talking with friends who have never had to live without their spouse, there can be a bit a disconnect there. Not that they can’t support you, they can. But only those who have felt that deployment ache, know how hard being without your spouse really is.

They understand why cereal for dinner makes sense, they understand why you cry yourself to sleep, they understand how exciting homecoming can be even if you are nervous about what having them home will mean. Other military spouses can truly understand.


Why Military Spouse Friendships Are Important

The most interesting part of this life has been the people I have met along the way. Some have become close friends, ones that I will always talk to. Others are more casual friends, and although some have moved away, I will always remember the fun that we had.

As you go through your military life journey, be open to new friendships and meeting people along the way. They will be the ones that will get you through and help improve your life.

Looking for more military life posts?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: friendships, military friendships, military spouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

March 21, 2017 by Julie

Finding Your Military Spouse TribeFinding Your Military Spouse Tribe

“Find friends,” they say. “You need friends to get through military life,” they say. You understand why they say this. Life IS better with the support of other people. The problem is, you have been at your duty station for six months now and are still struggling to find your people. You had people, but they all moved away. You are so busy with your kids that time with friends seems to never come.

You have never been one to make friends quickly. You are choosy and don’t trust a lot of people. You have been hurt in the past, and you just don’t want to give your heart to anyone. At the same time, you yearn for a circle. A circle of friends who get you and your life.

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

Friends who understand why you can never just turn off your phone, even during a meeting.
Friends who get how hard it can be to tell your child their Dad is not coming home at night.
Friends who know what saying goodbye to the love of your life is like and not just for a weekend business trip.
Friends who feel the pain of being 2,000 miles from your mom even though you need her at the moment.

These friends, you want them too. You see how close your spouse is to deploying and you know you want to find your people before that happens.

The truth is, sometimes friendships come easily. You met someone at swim lessons and the next day you are sitting in her backyard sharing memories about how you both were over in Germany. Her in 2002, you in 2010.

The truth is, sometimes they don’t come so quickly even though you are putting yourself out there, going to play groups and joining the FRG.

The best thing to do, the only thing to do is be a good friend, continue to put yourself out there and believe you will find your military sisters, even if it takes some time. Look at your local community, figure out what you can do each week to meet new people and have faith that your circle is out there.

Finding your tribe might take some time, but once you do, the benefits will be worth it.

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: military friendships, Milspouse, milspouse friends

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I have been an Army wife for almost 15 years now.

My husband of 18 years has served in the active-duty Army and now the Army National Guard. We have lived in Germany & Tennessee during our time as a military family.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, pcs moves, or anything else military life brings you 🙂

~Contact Me~

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