Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military girlfriend

Is It Time To Break Up With Your Military Boyfriend?

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My dating years were a long time ago. Think of the 90s before dating apps and smartphones. I always knew I wanted to be married someday, and I met my husband when I was 22 after a couple of boyfriends who were not the right match for one reason or another.

I had never dated someone in the military but was involved in several long-distance relationships. I hated them. I didn’t want to be a part from my boyfriend. I hated feeling like half of my life was where I lived and the other half was too many miles away. And we didn’t even have the military getting in our way.

Over the years, I have met many military girlfriends. Some become spouses, and some do not. I am not sure what the key ingredient is, but I also think there are some warning signs that girlfriends need to reflect on before they get more serious with their military service members.

Whether they are dating them during a deployment or not, their boyfriend will be under a lot of stress while serving in the military. Being a military girlfriend will be challenging for even the most committed of people.

There could be reasons why you need to walk away or maybe stay, depending on your circumstances. If you have ever asked yourself, “Should I break up with my military boyfriend?” this post should help you flesh out one way or another.

Something seems fishy

If you have never met in person before, you are running the risk of being scammed. Sadly, not everyone who claims to be in the military truly is. There are scams to get unsuspecting women to send money to their military boyfriend. However, he isn’t even in the military, and his reasons for needing the money don’t make any sense.

Some examples are telling their girlfriend that the military is not giving them food or will not let them come home from Iraq or Afghanistan without buying their own plane ticket. If you are dating someone online and things seem a bit fishy, you could get scammed. Ensure that the person you are with is who they say they are.

They cheat on you

There has to be trust in a military relationship. Without trust, everything falls apart. You will have to spend time apart. You might have to go weeks or even longer without regular communication.

You have to trust that he or she will be faithful to you. They have to trust that you are going to be faithful to them. If that trust gets broken, it can be hard to repair. While there are some cases when couples can move beyond cheating, in most situations, walking away is your best option.

Your gut is telling you to

I think deep down, we always know if we should be with someone or not, even if we can’t admit that out loud. I have been the girl who sat down with a pros and cons list about my current relationship. But looking back, it was evident that was not a good relationship.

I knew that, but I wanted everything to work out. Had I listened to my gut earlier, I would have saved myself some pain. Listen to your gut, do some soul searching, and you should be able to figure out if you should be with the person you are with. When I met my husband, my gut told me that, yes, he was a good guy and worth being with, and I listened.

They are abusive

This seems obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. Emotional abuse can be easy to hide. Threatening, bullying, being too controlling, criticizing you, and trying to manipulate you are all red flags. Things are not going to get better the longer you are together.

Marriage won’t fix things but will make them worse. If you feel like you are being abused, seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a good place to start. No one deserves to be treated like this. Even if you don’t think they are being abusive, anyone who treats you like crap isn’t worth your time.

You don’t want the military lifestyle

Being a military girlfriend gives you a preview of what you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend long-term. For some, the military is going to be a 20-year career. Can you stand by them during that time? Can you see yourself as a military spouse?

If you don’t want this lifestyle, if you think it would be too difficult, it’s okay to say so and walk away. This life is a hard one. Deployments, solo parenting, and so many stressful days. That being said, even some seasoned military spouses have felt like we couldn’t get through this life, but we just keep going, one day at a time if need be.

Why you shouldn’t break up with your military boyfriend

Yes, some couples do break up. During basic training, during a deployment, or just during regular military life. However, some couples make it.

They get through the difficult parts and become a stronger couple through everything they have to go through. Some couples make the relationship work and go on to have a life together. So why shouldn’t you break up with your military boyfriend?

Because he treats you well and he is truly what you want. 

This might seem simple, but at the end of the day, if you are with someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and he is truly what you want in a boyfriend or a spouse, you can get through almost anything.

We can never know the future or what we might go through together. Life can throw you so many curveballs. Be committed and know that you can handle this military life if you want to be with him.

What advice would you give to someone dating someone in the military?

No, Your Military Man Doesn’t Need Money For Food

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No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

As a military spouse blogger, I get emails or messages from military girlfriends that are a little concerned about the military service member they are dating. There is something about the relationship that doesn’t sit right with them. Their gut is telling them something, and something just doesn’t feel 100% right.

The situation is usually that a woman has met someone online. This by itself isn’t strange in this day and age. A lot of people meet online, and many happy and successful marriages and relationships result from doing so, both in and out of the military.

But in this case, after meeting online, the woman is sent photos of a service member. She is led to believe she is now talking with or dating a member of the US military. They might have a name, backstory, and a history of military service.

Then, at some point, the service member asks her for money.

This is where things get tricky…

He might say the money is for food, or to take leave. There are many different reasons they might give. The problem with this is that someone who serves in the US military doesn’t need food for money or to take leave. This is provided for them.

No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

When my husband was deployed, he might have needed money for things like the internet, fun items, etc. But never for regular meals. The military provides those. The military paid for and sent him home on leave, I didn’t have to send anyone money to do so.

The scam works in different ways, but these “service members” want you, the unsuspecting girlfriend to send them money, or to even send money to a service. The amount they are asking for blows me away. It’s not just $10 here or there but into the hundreds or thousands.

If a woman gives into this scam, not only will she be out the money but also heartbroken over finding out that what they felt was a real relationship, really wasn’t.

Like I said before, there are honest and real service members out there, and some amazing relationships that have started from online dating. But there are also scammers and people who will lie and fake their way into getting what they want.

The online world is amazing but can allow people to take advantage of others. Learn how to protect yourself and stay away from the scammers!

  • If something seems off, it probably is. Trust your gut.
  • Don’t give money to anyone you don’t 100% trust. Especially if they keep asking. Especially if they are asking for thousands of dollars.
  • Remember, they don’t need money for food. They don’t need money to be sent home from a deployment. They don’t need money for a vaccine. They don’t need money to ship their belongings home.
  • A deployment doesn’t last years and years. If the person you are talking to is active duty, they should have a duty station, and then deploy different places. They would not be deployed for years and years, to anywhere. It just doesn’t work like that.
  • A commanding officer would never demand that they pay anything. They also will not talk with you about sending money.
  • If they refuse to video chat, even after you have been dating for a while, that can be a huge red flag. Even if they do talk to you on the phone.

The truth is these types of scammers try really hard to convince you that they are who they say they are. They steal photos of real service members. They try to use the right type of military lingo. But in the end, something is really off. Remember, if it seems sketchy, it probably is. Protect yourself and your money.