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6 Reasons To Be Excited About A PCS, Even When You Don’t Want To Leave Where You Are

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6 Reasons To Be Excited About A PCS, Even When You Don't Want To Leave Where You Are

6 Reasons To Be Excited About A PCS, Even When You Don’t Want To Leave Where You Are

You love where you live. You have a lovely house, the perfect group of friends, your kids enjoy where you are, and the schools are fantastic. You have already been there for three years, but you are hoping you can stay a little longer.

Then your spouse comes home with orders, to a new duty station, 2,000 miles away.

While some military spouses can’t wait to move and get away from their current duty station, you are not one of them. You would stay put for the rest of your spouse’s career if you could. But sadly, the Army has told you it is time to move on.

The good news is, there are still reasons to be excited about this move. Even if it is to a place you are unsure about, even if it is to a place you don’t want to go.

6 Reasons To Be Excited About A PCS, Even When You Don't Want To Leave Where You Are

Here are six reasons to be excited about a PCS, even when you don’t want to leave where you are:

1. A chance to start fresh

PCSing is a time to start fresh. While you might not feel like doing so at the moment, having a new start can be a fantastic thing. You can figure out what you want, how you want your life to go, and what you want to focus on in your new location.

2. Declutter time

Moving gives you a big reason to declutter. Get rid of what you no longer need. Have a yard sale or just donate. A PCS is a time to get rid of all that excess stuff you know you don’t need. While you don’t need to move to be able to declutter, moving can get you motivated to focus on it.

3. Make new friends

Making new friends can be hard at times, but so much fun once you find them. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and enjoy making new friends once you move. Saying goodbye to your friends at your current location is going to be difficult, it’s never easy to do, but know that you can always keep in touch, even if you don’t live in the same city anymore.

6 Reasons To Be Excited About A PCS, Even When You Don't Want To Leave Where You Are

4. Explore another part of the country or world

This is your chance to explore another part of the country or even the world. You will get to experience things you never thought you would. You will be able to see things you never thought you would. Explore your new duty station and enjoy what it has to offer.

5. New house

A new home, whether you live on post or off can be a nice change. You might try to find a different type of housing, or even get a bigger place since you have added a new child to your family. Even if you love your current duty station, you might be ready for a new type of home.

6. Learning experience for all of you

If you are upset about leaving, think of this PCS as a learning experience for you and your children. This PCS will allow you to be more flexible in the future, it will make you step out of your comfort zone, and it will teach you about yourself as well as the world around you. Think of the PCS as a way to grow as a person and try not to let it bring you down.

Whether this is your first PCS or your tenth, don’t be afraid of your next adventure. You never know who you will meet, what you will get to experience, and where the road to that duty station will lead.

Will you be PCSing anytime soon?

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

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I remember feeling so torn during our first deployment. I didn’t want to do this Military life thing anymore. I didn’t want my kids to be without their dad. I didn’t want there to be so many pages of my scrapbook where dad was missing.

I started wondering if military life was worth the cost. Was it worth it for my kids to miss so much? I started wondering if despite my husband’s desire to serve, that our family needed to come first and that he shouldn’t do this anymore.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

That missing a child’s birth wasn’t worth it…

That missing their first day of kindergarten wasn’t worth it…

That leaving our kids with a stressed-out mom simply wasn’t fair…

And now all these years later I am still not sure if military life is fair to my children. It might not be. And that is a huge pill to swallow.

I can think about all the benefits of military life. I can think of all the places we have been, all the people we have met, and everything we have learned over the years.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my husband missed almost all of my son’s first year of life. That he will miss things in the future. That we will never get these years back.

Walking away from military life can seem like the right thing to do. To see that ETS date and end the military journey. To ask your spouse to pick another path.

For some, getting out of the military is the right thing to do…

For others, it isn’t that simple.

For some, serving in the military is something they have to do. That the military is a part of them. That the military is in their blood. Walking away isn’t possible.

And for the military spouse of that service member, things can be so complicated. You can’t help but wonder where you stand. You can’t help but wonder why they are okay with all the loss and heartache this life can bring.

But you also know that serving is a part of who they are, and what they have chosen as a career path. You know deep down they ache having to be away from you too. You know that they miss you like you are missing them.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

And when you remember that, when you remember that even though they choose the military, they also chose you, things get a little easier.

And from that, you can get through what comes. You can help your children through military life. You can be there, and be patient, and know that your path is okay.

Your military life may look so different from your own upbringing.

Your military life might be the opposite of what your civilian friends do.

But it’s your military life, for good or for bad.

While you might never be able to answer the question of if military life is fair to your kids, you know your kids will be able to make it through the challenges, with you by their side.

You might never be able to get those years back but the memories you make when you are together are priceless.

You might not ever have a “normal” life because you married a service member, but you are committed to still living a good one, however that looks.

Don’t be afraid to seek out help during this life. I have many different blog posts here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life on deployments, pcsing, and military life in general.

I have a Facebook group, filled with other military spouses who understand.

Check out your local communities to see what is available.

Join your FRG, local MOPS group, or find another way to connect with other military spouses that works for you.

Raising children in the military is, of course, going to be challenging, there is no sense in sugar-coating that. You want the best for your children, and when you realize they are missing out, that doesn’t feel like the best.

You might feel guilty about certain parts of this lifestyle, you might wish you could go back and give them something they missed out on, and you might not ever feel 100% about the choice to be a military family.

When You Feel Like Your Military Children Are Missing Out

But in the end, if the love of your life is committed to the military, you can be too. No matter how rocky the road might be.

You can find recourses to help, you can be your children’s steady in a world that doesn’t seem so, and you can take everything one day at a time.

As a mom, you will always do what you can to help your children through life. This doesn’t change just because you are a military family. Every family has challenges, the military life might just be yours.

What are your best tips for raising kids in the military?

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

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So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

You were trying, or maybe you weren’t. But the test is clear. You are pregnant, maybe with your first, maybe with your 4th but you know what this means.

Another baby…

A sibling for your two-year-old…

You are growing your family, just like you wanted to.

And as happy as you are, as excited as you are, there is something looming over your happiness.

Your husband, the father of your child, is deploying soon.

And you aren’t sure how you are going to handle everything. You just found out you are pregnant and he’s deploying…

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, there was a deployment in our future. We didn’t know exactly when. We didn’t know how long he would be gone. But we knew the deployment would happen.

And then it did. He left when I was 25 weeks pregnant, and I knew I had to figure out how to find my strength to get through this. I knew this deployment and pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy.

I had an almost two-year-old I would still need to take care of. I was already so tired but now I would be solo parenting. I also needed to figure out who would be with me during the birth. We didn’t know if my husband would be able to be there for that.

After he left and the deployment started, I went into survival mode and somehow got through the rest of my pregnancy. I made plans with friends, I asked my mom to come to stay with me over my due date, and I took each day as it came, making the best of the time with just my two-year-old.

If you have just found out you are pregnant and know there is a deployment in your future, here are a few things to think about:

Make Friends

Making friends through all of this is going to be such an important thing to do. You don’t have to go through this alone and having people who get what you are going through or can be there for you through everything is a must. When you are pregnant, you can also start getting out there and meeting other moms through places like MOPS or other groups on and off post.

Make Plans

With being pregnant and having a deployed spouse, you are going to need to make some plans. Who will you have there during your birth? What do you need to buy for your new baby? What will you do when you go into labor?

Make Time For Yourself

You need to make sure you are making time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. While staying busy is a must, you also want to make sure you aren’t taking on too much. Look at your schedule and see where you can take some time to just chill and relax, even if it is just for a few minutes a day.

Make Decisions For You

Being pregnant with a deployed spouse, you are going to have people give you all sorts of opinions about what you should do. From a family member insisting that you move home during the deployment to a neighbor expecting you to stay because she did. Try to figure out what would be best for you and your own situation and make decisions for you and your family.

So many of us have been through a pregnancy with a deployed service member or a spouse who has to be away for another type of training. When this happens it can bring up so many different feelings. You might wonder why your spouse has to miss such a precious time in your life.

Figuring out the tools to get you through this time is so important. You can figure out what works for you and your situation. And doing that can get you through the pregnancy, the birth, and any other time your spouse will have to miss.

Have you been pregnant during a deployment? What got you through?

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Oh, Afghanistan…

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Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

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So your spouse is thinking of joining the military?

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

When I married my husband, the Army was a part of his past. He had served in the military when he was younger, and that was before my time. He had stories and photos, and that was about it. We were married as civilians and started our life together.

But the funny thing about life is you never know where you might end up. You never know where the road might take you. And even though I married my husband not thinking about being a military spouse, a few years later, that’s exactly what I became.

After being married for over three years, my husband re-joined the Army, and we became a military family. Everything seemed to change when that happened. Everything about our future, our children and future children, and how our life would play out changed.

Now, some military spouses marry their service member after they have already joined the military. Some get married right when they joined. But there are many of us who were with their service member before they decided to join.

You may be in a place where your spouse or partner is thinking about joining the military. And this is making you a bit nervous. They want to join the military but you are not totally sure. The military is a whole new world and you could be having a few reservations about the decision to join.

This is totally normal. Joining the military can lead to some major changes in your life. When your spouse signs up for the military, you might have to move far away, you might have to find a new job, and your life might feel like it has been turned upside down.

The truth is, if you are already together before the military, you both need to be a part of the decision to join. You need to have discussions about what joining will mean, and how life might have to change. Because, yes, life is going to change.

Here are a few things you can do if your spouse has decided they want to join the military or if they are starting to ask questions about the process:

Ask your questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might have some fears or worries about what military life will be like, and it is best to seek out answers. The more you know about what you are getting into, the better.

Have some serious discussions about what your spouse has in mind when they join the military. Will this be a big career change or something they want to try for a few years? Sometimes, they might not even know but feel they need to at least try it to find out.

Remember, everyone’s military life looks different

Before my husband joined the military, I thought I had an idea of what our years as a military family would look like. But I never could have predicted the reality.

You can talk to other military spouses about their experiences to get an idea of what to expect, but keep in mind that your reality might be different. Even the amount of times your spouse will be deployed during a given amount of time can be all over the place based on what is going on in the world, your spouse’s job in the military, and where they are stationed.

You are stronger than you think

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse of almost 16 years is that I am much stronger than I think I am. When this whole journey started, I didn’t think I could ever be a solo parent. I found the idea impossible.

But I realized quickly that what once has seemed impossible was actually possible. Is it always easy? No, solo parenting is very challenging and some days, it does feel impossible. But us military spouses get through those times. We have to.

So while you might fear that you are not capable of this, you might actually be able to get through the challenging parts of military life. We rarely feel we can conquer the mountains of military life, but we do.

Plan to make friends

If your spouse does go on to join the military, plan to make friends. You will need them. These other spouses who get how a deployment might go, or what moving every three years is really like.

As you join the military community you will be able to find mentors and other seasoned spouses who have been there. You will be able to connect with others and find your own “battle buddies.” You will make memories with these other military spouses, and they will become the best part of your military life.

Take it all day by day

In many parts of military life, you will have to take things day by day. This starts from day one when they leave for basic training.

There is so much to this life, and so many changes, that each day can be different from the next.

Try not to sweat all the small things, and look forward to the future. There are so many amazing parts to being a military spouse. Military life is truly the good mixed with the bad.

If your spouse wants to join the military, take this request seriously. Talk things over, and see if this is something you can support your spouse on.

Each family is different, and joining the military might not be the best choice for every family. But if you and your spouse decide that joining is the right choice, know you have a big community of other military spouses out there to help you through. You got this!

Just Another Deployment Night

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It’s another deployment night when the sun fades away, and the lights go on, and we are reminded of the distance.

They have been gone a while, too long really, and yet the days on the calendar don’t want to turn as quickly as we hope they would.

No one is coming home for dinner, no one is going to be there to help with the kids, no one will be there to snuggle with once they go to bed. Those are things that will have to wait. Wait until the deployment is over.

It’s another deployment night, a time to reflect, and figure out what we can do to better ourselves. There are fewer distractions, and time to journal, and to work on our own goals.

As military spouses, we so often have to give up a dream. Or two dreams. Or three.

But a deployment can be a time to figure what chasing our dreams during military life is really going to look like. What we can do vs what we can’t. What will work, and what do we truly want to do.

But even so, even with more time to breathe, we can feel the overwhelm that the deployment brings. We can feel the pressure of having to do all the things, for all the people. The feeling of never being able to have the energy to get our to-do list done.

It’s another deployment night, and as you look at the empty side of the bed, you can’t help but think of all the things you miss about them. Their smile. Their laugh. The way you love to do life with them.

You think about all that will happen when they come home. You worry a bit too, not sure how the transition will go. You two have been living separate lives, and they will be dealing with all the deployment brought.

Still, you think about how once they do get home, you won’t have to miss their smile anymore. They will be laughing alongside you again, and you will get back to making those memories that you hold near and dear.

As the sun goes down on another deployment night, you won’t how many more deployments or separations you might have in the future. You pray you get a big long break between this one and the next. But you know no matter how long they will be home, the time will never be long enough.

You find a new series to watch on Netflix or Hulu, hoping that diving into a new fictional world will make the nights not seem too long. And that works, until it doesn’t. But you keep on trying because you have to stay busy and you have to keep your mind going.

You grab your calendar, trying to find fun things to do. You want to stay busy, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to do anything. Still, you know staying busy is important. Time will go faster that way.

Days pass, nights pass, and you finally find yourself towards the end. 30 days to go…20, now 10. This deployment is almost over. Through all the days apart. Through the long deployment nights. The end is in sight, and all you can think is, wow, I did it. I made it through this deployment.

The deployment part of military life is never easy. Yet deployments come, whether we are ready for them or not. The best thing to do is find ways to get through a deployment, even if that is one day at a time. Take a look at my other deployment blog posts for more ideas and encouragement on getting through a deployment.

5 Ways Military Spouses Can Get Involved In Their Civilian Communities

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When you move to a new duty station you usually have the choice of living on or off-post. Whatever you decide to do, you also have the choice to get involved in your civilian community surrounding your Military duty station.

Military spouses can become involved in their local communities. This allows you to connect more with the area you are living in and won’t feel like your life is always 24/7 Military. Sometimes we need a break from the day to day of military life and there are many ways to do so.

5 Ways Military Spouses Can Get Involved In Their Civilian Communities
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Here are five ways you can get involved and become a part of your civilian community besides just living off-post.

Community events

One of the best ways to get out there and get to know your civilian community is to attend local events. Whether you are stationed overseas or in the US, look for events that are going on. Join Facebook groups for the city, search websites and newspapers for events, and plan to get out there and go to them.

Not only do you get to interact with the civilians in your area but you get to learn a little bit more about their culture. This is a great way to make the best of where you are currently living and enjoying what your local area has to offer. And it’s another way to stay busy!

Go to a civilian church

Every duty station we have lived at has had a good on-post chapel to attend. A lot of people enjoy that but one way to meet others in your community that are not a part of the Military is to attend church off-post.

This can be a great way to get to know those who consider the city you are living in their hometown and can open you up to new experiences you might not otherwise know about. Getting to know people in the community on a regular basis as you do through a church can really expand your experiences at your duty station.

Look for local clubs

Find something you enjoy. Look for book clubs, photography clubs, knitting circles, MOPS, etc. If you find something you enjoy, joining the civilian group can be a great way to meet others and get involved with what is going on in your area.

Joining a new group can allow you to make friends with similar interests and can give you something fun to do in your spare time. You might even want to start your own group if you can’t find what you are looking for. You never know who might want to join.

Have your kids do off-post sports

This might not be an option everywhere and a lot of times it is easier to go just on-post for sports but if you can have your kids connect with teams off-post. This can be the perfect way into your local community.

Here at Fort Campbell, we have a choice and some people do decide to go with the city leagues. Sometimes because they offer something different than on-post and other times because it is a little easier depending on where they live.

In this area, you will find a mix of military and civilians when you play sports off-post. Swim lessons are cheaper when you do them through the city which is a big draw for a lot of military families. They also have a great soccer program and many of the kids love it.

Don’t do all of your shopping at the Commissary

Our main grocery store is the Commissary and we do go to the PX sometimes but when you do get out and shop other places you can learn more about your local area. This is even more true overseas.

We used to go to the local German shops for produce and a few other random things and I think that allowed us to get to know more about what it was like to live in Germany. The Commissary is great overseas because having that allows you to still buy most of your American favorites but getting out and exploring other places will allow you to find new products and to try new foods that you might otherwise never see.

And let’s face it, sometimes the Commissary doesn’t have the lowest prices in town. That is something you will have to figure out and will have to do your own research on.

What do you do to connect with your local civilian community? Do you think it is important to do so?

Military Spouses and Money: What We Should Be Thinking About

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The topic of military spouses and money can get pretty heated

The topic of military spouses and money can get pretty heated

Despite the fact that life does cost money, asking about money, your service member’s pay, or anything to do with how much money you are making can get a lot of different responses. From those who help you figure out what you need to know about money issues to others who seem to take the slightest question about finances and blow things out of proportion.

The truth is, as military spouses we need to be aware of the money coming into our homes. It doesn’t matter if we have a job and make more than our service member or if we stay at home with the kids and don’t bring in any income. Finances are important, and we need to pay attention to them.

Military spouses should have a say

When money comes into a household, that money is spent on your rent or mortgage, utilities, food, home repairs, cars, children, and more. In some marriages, both partners work. They both bring in a regular income.

For some, this means all money goes into the same account. For others, this means that you each have your own account and decide who will pay what.

The problem is when one spouse does not work for any pay, and they feel like they don’t have a right to say where the money goes. This is BS right here. You are a married couple, and you should have a say where the money goes.

If your spouse isn’t allowing you to have a say about any money simply because you don’t bring in an income at the moment, something isn’t right.

Military spouses should be allowed to work

Jobs for military spouses aren’t always easy to find. There can be a lot of barriers in our way, from where we live to what type of job we are looking for. However, your spouse saying that you can’t, even if you want to, shouldn’t be one of them.

If the couple decides together that one of them will stay home with the kids and the other will be a sole provider, that should be a joint decision. The issue isn’t becoming a SAHM or not, the issue is when a spouse wants to work and her spouse is telling her she can’t.

This can be for all sorts of reasons, but it is something a couple needs to work out. There could be a valid reason not to work for a period of time, but both spouses need to be on board. Yes, the military does come first, but that doesn’t mean a military spouse has to give up on their own dreams. There is so much we milspouses can do, even during military life.

Military couples will go through different seasons

When we got married, we both worked full-time. Over the last 19 years, my husband and I have done different things, and the percentage of how much each of us made has changed over time. While there is the traditional idea that one makes all the money and the other stays at home for all those years raising children, this isn’t quite the norm anymore.

For one thing, living on one income can be difficult, oftentimes impossible, especially when you add multiple kids to your family. There will be food and diapers, then sports and braces and the expenses never truly end.

Life with kids costs money, and having a stay-at-home part isn’t always going to work. In fact, many stay-at-home parents end up making extra money from home or even have a nighttime part-time job.

Over the course of your marriage, who makes more money might change. Not every service member stays in for 20 years and wants to be in the military for a career. Not every SAHM wants to be one forever. There are so many more options out there too, from working from home to going back to school and finding a new career.

Military families need budgets too

Having a budget is a must. That way you and your spouse can get on the same page. You can see what is coming in and what is going out.

Although one of you will probably be the one in charge of the bills and getting paid, both of you should be in on the budget to see what your goals are and how close you are to achieving them. Having a budget will keep your money in line, and allow you to work towards your financial goals.

Sometimes the service member won’t have access

As a military wife, having my husband in charge of the bills while he was deployed wouldn’t have worked. As the military spouse back at home, I could always call a bank or a credit card company. He hasn’t always been in a place where he had access.

This is an important part of getting used to military spouse life. Ask yourself what would work best. Maybe for some, having the service member in this role makes sense, but for most of us, doing so can cause more frustration.

Again, this is something you as a couple need to work out. Like anything financial, find what works best for you and your spouse. Figure out any hiccups you might have when they are away, and work them out before they leave. Financial deployment readiness is important too.

Resources about money and military

Here are some fantastic websites to check out about money and the military:

Military One Source

MilSpouse Money Mission

Military Saves

Foxtrot and Pennies

Kate Horrell: The Military Finance Coach

Military Wives Saving

Military spouses and money can be a tricky topic. There are a lot of different opinions about what you should do and what you shouldn’t do. However, at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your service member.

That might look different than what other people are doing and that is okay. Just make sure that you are working towards the life that you want and not stuck in a place where you are being left behind.