Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

When It Feels Like Military Life Isn’t Fair

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Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t. One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

What on earth was I thinking???

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation.

Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of it. We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to and it took a while to figure out why that was happening.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. It really just depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule.

And this is another reason why you really never know what you signed up for. You can never really see how military life is going to pan out. You just have to “buckle your seat belt” and get ready for the ride.

You have to hope for the best while also preparing for the worst. And that isn’t always easy to do.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening, and what I need to do to prepare.

Military life makes this hard sometimes.

You might get little notice for something. Some people move with just a few weeks notice. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that it is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best as you can.

Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

In November, I will hit 15 years of being a military spouse. 15 years! That seems so hard to believe sometimes, other times…it feels like I have been living this life so much longer.

Some years are easier than others. Some years have more separations than others. Some years just feel so much more difficult than others.

But there have also been so many good memories over the years. I have met so many amazing people. I am thankful for all that I have been able to experience from this life.

Often times it can feel like military life is dragging us down. That we would be so much better off if our spouse found another career. That we shouldn’t even be in this position or that we are not strong enough to make it through.

But I think one of the things that helps through all of this is knowing that you are not going through any of this alone. That there are other military spouses who have been through it all too. And that we can all learn from one another.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the children, of comforting sad kids that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have had to tell my children that our vacation was canceled because their dad got called up to go somewhere for a few weeks instead.

I have been through it and although it made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and issues are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down…

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict…

Because life as a military spouse can be so full of surprises, and some of those can knock you off your feet.

So if you as a Military spouse need to cry and vent, if you need to go home for a while, if you need to see a counselor, if you just need a friend who gets it, I understand. I totally understand. I have been there.

We have each other to lean on, we have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with, and we have each other to get through this life with.

And although some days are harder than others, the truth is, we all fell in love with someone who wants to serve their country. And deep down we know that this is where we are supposed to be.

How long have you been a military spouse?

7 Ways to Survive This Summer…in GIFs

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It’s summer! Are you excited? Maybe you are feeling a bit disappointed about what summer is going to look like this year? I know I am.

There are a lot of things that have been canceled or won’t be happening this year. My youngest was supposed to go to his first overnight summer camp and we are super sad about that, as well as other summer activities we just can’t do right now.

We are going to have to have a lot more patience this summer than ever before, and try to keep a sense of humor about it. Here are 7 ways to get you through the summer…in GIFS.

1) Invest in a good sprinkler…for the kids, for the dog, and well for you too. You know you will want to take a run through them every once in a while.

via GIPHY

2) Binge watch something that will grab you from the start, and make it so you don’t want to do anything else. Watch out though, you might start to think that you are actually friends with the characters.

via GIPHY

3) Make cookies. Make all the cookies. Make chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies and peanut butter cookies. You can even make oatmeal cookies. But whatever you do, do not make oatmeal cookies and let people think they are chocolate chip cookies. That is just not cool.

via GIPHY

4) Read all the books. There are so many good books out there. From beach reads to books that will get you to think about all the important topics. Find some paperbacks and sit outside, and get your reading on. Summertime is a good time for it.

via GIPHY

5) DIY everything! If you have downtime, why not use it to work on your home a bit? Step one) figure out what you want to do. That actually might take you all summer long, but that’s okay. You can always just watch HGTV as homework.

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6) Prepare for that PCS! Maybe you are not moving until December, but who cares. It’s time to research. Find out about your new home. Could that location change? Sure! But we milspouses know this, we just have to power through.

via GIPHY

7) Learn a new skill. I mean, why not? Learn how to knit, or take better photos. Learn how to play the guitar, or how to work on a website. The internet makes it so much easier these days and you never know when that new skill will lead to a different career path.

via GIPHY

I hope you are having a good summer, even though this summer is probably the oddest summer we will ever have.

What Military Spouses Want Their Friends to Know

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What Military Spouses Want Their Friends to Know

I saw them every day. I went to school with them. Military kids.

I remember driving on base to pick up a friend. I think the gate guards had to call her house to get their okay to let us in. This was pre-9/11 of course.

I remember hearing about how my friend’s dad always had to be away. I didn’t understand what that would be like. My dad was always home.

I remember my co-worker, sending letters to her military husband she had married over leave. How did she do that? How did she have a husband who lived half a world away? I remember her, “Half my heart is in Afghanistan” sticker on her car.

I was complaining to my mom about having to move yet again in my college years. She told me to think of all those military wives that had to pack up their children and keep moving every few years.

And then, in 2005…I became a part of this world. This military lifestyle that I had only seen glimpses of in my civilian years. A life that I didn’t even really know much about, even if I had seen a few Mel Gibson war movies. A life that has surprised me in many different ways.

Now I am on the other side. Later this year I will hit 15 years as a military spouse. There are so many things I want my non-military spouse friends to know. I want them to understand how things can be for us and what living as a military spouse is all about.

We know we are not the only ones who miss our spouses

As much as we miss our spouses, as much as how that part of military life is hard for us, we are aware that other spouses go through separations too. We know about truck drivers and police officers and firefighters and surgeons and contractors.

We know we are not the only ones missing the ones that we love. We might not be in a good place to hear about how badly someone is missing a spouse who is only gone for a week but even then, we can understand that when you are not used to being apart, it can be difficult. Talking about our military life struggles doesn’t mean we think we are the only ones going through this type of hardship.

Some of us do remember are pre-military spouse years

Unless you became a military spouse the day you got married, you will have lived as a civilian before military life started. You remember what it is like. You can compare the before and after.

People have said that military spouse life is the same as any other. I call BS on this. I remember what it was like before the Army.

These days, my life looks different than it did pre-Army, but also different than it did when my husband was active duty. There is a big difference between the two. It isn’t that one type of life is better than any other, but they are different, and saying they are the same does a disservice to both types of lifestyles.

Our marriages are not doomed

It’s way too easy to look at the hardships that military families go through and think that all of our marriages are doomed. This is not true. Sometimes the hardships make for stronger marriages.

Sometimes life outside the military is a reason couples break up. Sometimes people change. Sometimes this is because of the military.

We get jealous

It’s true. I am not going to lie. I have been jealous of non-military families. Of not having to send anyone to war. Of not having friends move away all the time.

I think this is natural. It’s what you do with your jealousy that matters. I can choose to be bitter about it, or I can try to work through it and not let it run my life.

Army wives is not reality

So many people ask if Army Wives the tv show is just like our life. No. It’s a TV show.

There are some truths to the show. There are some realities they got right but for the most part, especially after the first season, things do not seem like real life to me.

We are a diverse bunch

There are so many diverse military families and so many types of people who make up the military world. Some are pretty conservative, some are pretty liberal. Some are from a small town, some are from a big city.

Some have a lot of children, some have no children with no plans to add any in the future. The military world is such a mix of different people. There is not just one way to be a military spouse.

We will miss this life when it is over, even if we couldn’t wait to be civilians again

When it comes to getting out of the military, some of us are really excited about that. However, that doesn’t mean getting out is going to be easy.

We will miss parts of military life. We will sometimes wish we never had to leave. The post ETSing process can be very emotional.

We know you can’t fully understand and that is okay

We know that no matter how many times we explain about our lives, how many blog posts we write, you will never fully understand. And that is okay.

We can’t expect you to, just like we can’t totally understand any of the struggles you are going through that we haven’t experienced. That is life. And that’s okay.

We are thankful

When we know our civilian friends support us, we are thankful. We are thankful for any messages they give. We know they are looking at our lives from the outside but we are so thankful when we know people care and acknowledge what we are going through.

Even if we do get frustrated by certain comments, we know deep down they come from a place of thankfulness and we really appreciate that.

What would you add to this list? What do you want your civilian friends to know about military life?

9 Things to Do When You Are Impatient About a PCS

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9 Things to Do When You Are Impatient About a PCS

How many of you are waiting on a PCS? Maybe you had orders to move and they were delayed because of what is going on in the world right now, maybe your original PCS date isn’t until later this year? Either way, waiting for a PCS can be difficult.

I have totally been there.

I couldn’t wait to PCS back to the US from Germany. I was so ready. And it seemed like we would never get there, but then the time finally came.

You can love your duty station and still be ready to PCS. You can hate your duty station, and struggle with extra time at a place you really don’t want to be. Whatever the reason, it’s hard to be patient waiting on a PCS.

Luckily, there are some things you can do to help you get through this time. Here are nine of them:

1) Remember the good times. No matter where you have been stationed, if you look hard enough, you have to admit there have been some good times. Maybe it is just that you love the deli you go to once a week, or maybe it is because you enjoy your daily walks. Whatever it might be, reflect on the time that you have had, journal your feelings, and pick some fun photos of your time there.

2) Make a bucket list for your new home. Spend some time online researching your new home. Figure out things you want to do once you get there. Take time to research now because once you get there, life might start moving pretty quickly and you might not have the time or energy to really look into what is there later.

3) Take up a new hobby. Cooking? Knitting? Photography? What can you do to stay busy? Focusing on a new hobby can take your mind off of the wait.

4) Look for a new home. This will, of course, depend on where you are in the PCS process. But, if you are looking for a home to buy or rent, you can start looking online. Even if your date gets pushed, you can get a sense of what is available in your new area or even help you make the decision to live on post or off.

5) Start going through stuff. It’s time to declutter. It’s time to go through everything. It’s time to see if your stuff sparks joy if you are into that. See what you can go through and what you can get rid of. It is easier to move with less stuff, and then you won’t run the risk of going over your weight limits.

6) Finish your current duty station bucket list. While you might not be able to do everything due to closures, you can see if there is anything else you can do before you leave. Maybe there is a park you have always wanted to visit or a local food you have wanted to try, now is your chance.

7) Blog about your duty station. Writing can be so good for you. Start a blog post about your current duty station. Don’t have a blog? I take guest post just about duty stations and would love to read what you have to say. The best way to learn about a duty station is from someone who has been there.

8) Buy something from your current duty station. We have this amazing painting that shows a soldier and his wife in downtown Schweinfurt by Lisa Parmeter, where we used to live. I am so happy I bought that because it is now on our wall and reminds me of our time there. See if you can purchase any local art or locally made crafts that you can take with you to your next duty station. You will be glad that you did.

9) Breathe. I know, this is hard. You just want to get moved. But you have to wait. And maybe you have downtime right now, maybe you don’t. Either way, remember to breathe and know this time will pass. And before you know it you will be knee-deep in boxes and PCS stickers.

Are you currently waiting on a PCS???

When You Are Raising a Military Child

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When You Are Raising a Military Child

They have had to say goodbye to at least one parent, not fully understanding when they will see them again. Not fully understanding where they have to go, or why they have to be away for so long. Not totally getting what it means to serve your country.

They have to say goodbye to the dad that makes them laugh, or the mom who helps them with their homework. To their protector, and one of the people they trust the most. And the goodbye is never an easy one.

They go through deployments, day-by-day, just like we do, but this life was never a choice for them. It was the one they were born into, and the life that they know.

They can get scared, and worried about their deployed parent. War is never easy to understand, and even harder for a child to do so. And as much as we are there to comfort them, we wonder if it is enough. We wonder how much missing a parent, for months at a time, will affect them.

They have to start over, every few years, when they might not totally understand why. When they don’t want to go. When you know they will be missing their friends for years to come.

They move with us, and have to start over just like we do. And if they aren’t the ones to be moving this year, some of their friends might have to. There will always be someone PCSing in their friend circle.

One minute they are playing soccer together, laughing about something little boys do. The next, their friend is on an airplane and your heart breaks when they ask if they can still come to their next birthday party.

Our military children, so strong, so resilient, and yet sometimes it feels like we can’t help them enough. That we can’t comfort them enough. That we, alone are not enough.

Some of us raising these kids were military brats and understand what this is like. These parents remember the moves and the goodbyes. Some of us never moved as a child, and always had a parent in the home, not even going away on a business trip. All of this is just a very different way to live.

Every time we move to a new duty station, we pray for friends for our kids. We pray for stability. And we hope for a good experience.

We think about everything thing our military children have been able to experience because their mom or dad serves in the military. We think about how they were able to visit over 10 countries before they even started kindergarten, or how they were born in another country, with stories and pictures to share for years to come.

We think about all the different people they have had the pleasure to meet over the years. They might not remember the family you spent so much time with when they were toddlers, but you do, and you will always have those photos and memories that you can share as your children grow older.

These military children might have to say goodbye more times in their short lives than you ever would have dreamed. But somehow, they get through each and every one. Somehow, you all work together. Somehow.

And while military life can be so difficult sometimes, these military children are the special ones. They are being raised by our nation’s heroes, are involved in such a diverse and amazing community, and will go on to do some amazing things in the future because of it.

Us military spouses are the backbone and the constant in their lives. We won’t deploy, and we will always be there to hold their hands. We can’t replace our spouse, nor would we want to, but we can be the bridge that helps them through, anything that comes their way.

We hope that when our children are grown, they will remember the good. The trip to Disneyland after dad’s deployment, the move to Germany on their 5th birthday, or the community of friends and loved ones that surrounded them when they had to be so far away from their own grandparents and cousins.

We hope that the scary times don’t overshadow the good ones. We hope that they become stronger through all of this. And we know that no matter what, we love them, their service member parent loves them, and the military community will always be there for them, no matter where they go in this world.

Happy Month of the Military Child!!!

9 Reasons Why This Lockdown is Like a Deployment

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9 Reasons Why This Lockdown is Like a Deployment

So we are all pretty much on lockdown, except for essential activities. And things at home are going okay overall I suppose. In some ways, this time at home reminds me of deployments. It takes me back to previous years, when I had young kids, and my husband was way too many miles overseas serving our country.

Here are 9 reasons why this lockdown feels like a deployment:

1) We don’t really know when it is going to end

Sure, some people are telling us this will be over by summer, but we don’t really know. And we never really know when a deployment will end either. You might have a date, but that could always change, just like when this lockdown business is going to be over.

2) Binge all the things!

I swear, binge-watching was created for deployments. It is one of the best ways to get through those lonely nights. And during this lockdown, we have been doing a lot of binge-watching too, from Ozark to older episodes of the Office.

3) Cereal for dinner

I am not a big fan of cooking, so if you are, you probably can’t relate to this. But, not being able to go out to dinner means having to cook even more. And cereal for dinner might not be a bad choice to break up the monotony of cooking every single night.

4) Have to keep the kids busy

Staying busy is key during a deployment, and also during a lockdown. What’s hard is not being able to take them out anywhere, not even your local park. You have to find ways to keep them busy at home, which isn’t always easy.

5) STRESS to the max!

Deployments cause so much stress, and so does a lockdown. Yikes! Somedays I just want to cry about it all, others, not as much. It’s so important to try to find ways to destress both during a deployment and during this time.

6) Not everyone deals with it the same way

Since we are all different people, we might all handle deployments in different ways. Some of us struggle with being lonely more than others. And it is the same way right now. I know for myself, I even handle each day differently. It is important to have grace for one another, during deployments or a lockdown.

7) The days blend together

What day is it? Oh ya, Friday? April the what??? It can be hard when you are staying home with your little ones and don’t have a spouse with the weekends off. Each day kinda blends into the other. And during the lockdown, you could be experiencing the same thing.

8) You are trying to make memories through it all

Deployments, and lockdown can be a good time to work on making memories together. For a deployment, you want to share with your spouse that you are still having a good time. You don’t want life to just be put on pause while they are gone.

During a lockdown, it might be fun to look back at what you did during this time. Maybe you and your kids take a special walk each day, or maybe you have started working on a scrapbook together. Journal, take photos, and someday you can tell your grandchildren about this whole lockdown experience.

9) It won’t last forever

Just like deployments don’t last forever, either will the lockdown. We don’t know when it will be over but eventually it will be. Eventually life will return to normal, and we can move on. Just like we can from a deployment.

How have you been staying busy during this time???

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

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To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

If you are married to a member of the National Guard, you know they might get deployed. The National Guard does go on deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world, just like the active duty military does. They can also get activated or called up when the country needs them.

The National Guard will go and help after a hurricane or tornado. They assist in disaster relief and have even been activated to be at the border. But now, it looks like they are going to be needed once again, to help our country during this COVID- 19 crisis.

If you are a National Guard spouse, you either know your spouse is going to have to go or know that they could be. While other friends are getting ready to spend possibly more time with their spouse, you are on the edge of your seat wondering when and if they have to go. And when they do, what they will have to do, and how long they will be away.

So to my fellow National Guard spouses, this isn’t an easy time for us. We might not be sure what is going to happen. We are just not sure how this will all play out. And the public doesn’t always respond well when the National Guard is called up.

And the thing is, we really can’t talk to anyone who has been through this exact type of thing before. Because what is happening now, hasn’t ever happened before. The entire world is dealing with this virus and we are not sure how long any of this will last.

So what can we do? How can we stay sane through all of this? How do we handle all the emotions that come with waiting to find out what will happen with our National Guard service member?

A lot of what we can do is similar to the unknowns associated with a regular deployment. I know for me, during deployments, there were times when I had no idea when my husband would be home.

Maybe two months, maybe six? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what the future looked like or how long I would have to solo parent. I just had to take it day by day. And that is how I am going to have to go about this in these times.

I am going to need to stay busy, although how I normally stay busy is going to have to change. I can’t go meet a friend for lunch right now or take my kids to very many places. Movies are out. Chuck E Cheese is out. Playgrounds are out. We have to stay at home as much as possible which I know is going to be challenging.

If my spouse does have to go away, that will add another layer to this staying at home business. It won’t make it easier that’s for sure, but I am hoping we can find a good way to handle all this. We might have to be more creative.

We National Guard spouses will also have the fear of what our spouse is going to be doing. Will they be in contact with the virus? Will the public become afraid of them? It’s so hard to know what being activated or called up for this will entail.

I am going to try to stay away from being fearful or all the what-ifs. That’s a hard road for me to go down. I want to stay positive. But that isn’t always easy for me to do.

I also know, this might be yet another challenge for us to endure. Life isn’t always easy and as a National Guard soldier, this is a part of his job. Still, that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy to get through, no matter how long it might last.

If you are a National Guard spouse too, know that I am right there with you. This is a scary time, but at least we can help each other through. Know that no matter what happens, we are not alone and not the only ones going through this. That is so important to remember.

I thought I had this year figured out. But everything has been turned on its head. From school, to how we spend our free time, and now to what my husband is going to be doing. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” –Mary Anne Radmacher

Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

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Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

Schools are closed. Churches are closed. Disneyland is closed. Coronavirus is here and changing everything about our lives.

Is this real life? That is the question I have kept asking myself the last few days. Can all of this really be happening? What does it mean for us? What does it mean for my kids?

The truth is, we are living in a new normal, and we don’t know how long things are going to be so different. We don’t know what things will be like a few days from now, a few weeks from now, or a few months from now. And while in some ways, it can remind you a bit of military life, we are used to canceling plans after all, it still feels like we are going to be living in a new normal.

On Friday night, right before I went to bed, I saw the news coming out from the DOD. The military made some decisions that will affect service members, and their families, especially those getting ready for a PCS.

Military.com has posted, Here’s What the Coronavirus Travel Ban Means for Military Families, which is super helpful to know what is going on with the travel ban and if it affects you and your situation. Army Wife 101 also has a great post on what is changing as it refers to military families.

As I read the news, I already know how hard this was going to be on military families. Those about to leave a duty station they can’t wait to get away from, families who are temporarily separated waiting for children to finish up the school year, and those that are just unsure about what will happen the next few months.

In this new normal with Coronavirus, life is going to be strange. And we all don’t even know what living this way means. Every day means new news, and new closures, and new worries. But we just have to keep on doing what we can to stay healthy and get through this time.

So many of us will be home with our kids for who knows how long. Our local schools here are only supposed to be closed until the end of the month but I can’t see this all being over by then. I am preparing myself for them being home much longer than that.

We are supposed to be practicing social distancing, which is why so many places and events are closed or will be closing, but I know how hard that can be. Being home with small children can be a challenge, not being able to go anywhere, will be an added one. Even though I know social distancing is what we are supposed to do, getting my mind around the realities of it isn’t easy.

It is one thing to have your kids off of school. Spring break is coming up and we are used to that. It is another thing to stop playdates, trips out to places like Chucky Cheese or the bowling ally, or anywhere else where we probably shouldn’t go during this time.

I know my plan is to try to just take it day by day. I am going to try to think of positive things we can do at home, and make the best of this time together. But I am only human and I know it is going to affect me emotionally, it already has.

I work from home full-time, so while I can work from home while my kids are there, it is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. Before this week I felt like I had finally found a good groove with my work at home life and of course, all that will be different now. I need to adjust my mindset a bit.

I think too it is so important that we remember to have love and grace for others during this time. Not everyone is in the same situation, and what might seem like a minor disappointment to one, is truly hard for another to take.

Hearing that your PCS orders have changed or that you won’t see your spouse when you thought you would can be pretty upsetting. Even if you understand the reasons why. Even if you know it is for the safety of everyone.

We don’t all have the same resources, and we won’t all experience the same changes with this new normal with Coronavirus. Some will be able to work from home during this time, and others will have to go without a paycheck. Some will be able to be surrounded by family and others will be alone. Some will have extra resources, and others will have to make do with what they have.

I also think it is important to be aware of what is actually going on. You can follow the CDC’s website for a lot of good information. You should also be aware of what is happening in your state and local community. So far, a lot of what is happening is based on where you are living.

Know that even though this is scary, and even though there are so many unknowns, we are all in this together. Let’s be kind to one another, extend a lot of grace, and try to make our way through this new, hopefully, temporary normal.

On Supporting Your Spouse’s Military Career

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On Supporting Your Spouse's Military Career

Military spouses all come from different places. Some met their spouse after they were already in the Military. Others started the journey together after a few years of marriage.

Some met, married and became a military spouse all within the same year. Ask any group of spouses about how they became one and you will find there are a lot of different answers.

One thing is clear. No matter when you became a Military spouse, you want to do what you can to support your service member.

But how do you support your spouse’s military career if you are frustrated with the Military life and want something different? What if your career is on hold because of military life but you don’t want to wait anymore? What is the best way to support them when life gets in the way?

When it comes to the Military, some people join for just a few years and others make it a career. Some service members don’t know what they want to do when they start.

Some service members want to go career and decide not to, others want to do a couple of years and then end up going career.

The main thing is figuring out what your service member is thinking, what will work best for your family as well as a general plan of what the next few years will look like. For my husband and me, when he joined, it was for three years, then we would readjust and see where we were at.

Keep in mind that things can change when it comes to military career plans.

There are a lot of people who wanted to make it 20 years but had to get out for different reasons. Things change and the whole family has to adapt. This can also be extremely difficult for the service member and the spouse.

Keeping the line of communication open is very important. There is a BIG difference between a soldier who wants to be in for the rest of his career and one that is getting out in a couple of years. They have different goals and should make different plans.

You need to know where your spouse stands. If the Military is something they have always wanted to do, if they have signed up and working towards promotions, you need to be able to be there for them.

If you enjoy Military life and your spouse really wants to get out and do something else, stand by them too. Be there and work together to come up with a plan for after the Military life.

The most important thing, military or not, career military or one enlistment, is that you are on the same page and support one another.

This isn’t always going to be easy, but it is something we military spouses know too well. And as times change, it will get easier and easier to be able to accomplish your own goals, right along with your service member spouse.

In today’s military, military spouses work full-time, they go to school, they work from home, and they work hard for change when there are roadblocks.

Being married to a service member, unfortunately, means you will have to sacrifice something.

Maybe you assumed you would be raising children down the street from where you grew up, but now your spouse just got orders to Germany. Maybe you assumed that you would stay at the same company for years, but then the love of your life felt they needed to join the military, and all that changed. Maybe you never thought you would have to say goodbye to your spouse for months at a time, but that is exactly what military life has brought you.

The reality is, supporting your service member isn’t always going to be easy but there are little things we can do to show we care. From care packages, to love letters, to simply being the person back at home they can count on.

Be open with your spouse, check-in with one another, and be the one they can count on during military life.

How have you personally supported your spouse’s military career over the years?