Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

Can Anyone Really Make it as a Military Spouse?

by

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?

I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.

There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military when I didn’t think I could do it either.

When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.

Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.

Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.

Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.

For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.

In either case, the military spouse can feel like their world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.

I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.

But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.

That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.

For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.

The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.

While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you.

That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family. We are all our own people, and we have to make the choices that work for us.

What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?

Halfway Through a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Halfway Through a Deployment

They have been gone for so many days now, so many days. But as you look at the calendar, you realize something exciting, you have hit the halfway point.

This fills you will joy because it tells you that you are making it through this deployment. It tells you that the days will actually pass and you will get through to the end.

When the deployment first started, you weren’t sure how you would make it to the first week, let alone the first month but now, here you are, halfway through a deployment.

You think about all the days you have crossed off your calendar, and all the special memories you were able to make, even though you felt that deployment ache through them all. You still tried to have fun, even if they weren’t around to share that fun with you.

You have taken so many pictures, enough to fill a book. You have sent a handful of care packages, knowing that each one made their day, sending them love across the miles. You start to have ideas of what to send for the next few months.

You think about your kids, and how they have handled things. The first half of this deployment hasn’t been without tears. But, you know you can be there for them on the lonely nights or when they really just want that hug from mommy or daddy and you can’t give it to them.

You take our your calendar, and you know you need to fill the dates up just like you did for the first half of the deployment. You know keeping busy is the way to go, even though doing so doesn’t always take away the loneliness that comes with a deployment.

In the back of your mind, you know that they could stay for longer than you think they are supposed to. You have been there before and a deployment extension is always something you think about. But you also want to have that faith that the deployment will end at the time you think it might, and have hope that this truly is the halfway point of the deployment.

You think about what the halfway point of a deployment really means. The halfway point of a deployment means you will soon have fewer days left that you have already been through. The halfway point of a deployment means you can do hard things. The halfway point of a deployment means you have climbed up the mountain and just need to make your way back down.

Deployment days don’t always move quickly, but they do move and reaching the halfway point of the deployment is evidence of that. Reaching that milestone is a reason to celebrate, and to think about all the things you were able to do, that you didn’t think you could.

If you have friends going through the deployment with you, you could make plans to celebrate. Dance and sing, and know that you are doing this, you are getting through this deployment, even if it is just one day at a time.

Treat yourself and order a yummy dinner, buy a new book, or start a new project. Do something to mark this milestone, and remember this accomplishment when you hit harder days ahead.

Deployments are rarely easy. Each one comes with its own challenges, based on so many different factors. But they all have a halfway point to celebrate and remind you how tough you really are.

Have you done anything special to celebrate the halfway mark of a deployment?

The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

by Leave a Comment

The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going.

We have had to make a lot of choices over the years. When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the Military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices.  I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we made bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life-changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the Military at age 30. This was something that we talked about for months beforehand. We had no idea what his time in the military would be like once we made that decision.

We were diving into the unknown. While my husband had been in the Army before, that was when he was a lot younger, and way before I came into the picture. Being a soldier with a wife and child was going to be completely different for him, and becoming an Army wife was going to be totally different than anything I was used to.

As I think back over the last 15 years as a Military spouse, there have been many blessings in our marriage because of our time as a military couple.

Don’t get me wrong. Would I have preferred to have a husband who never had to go away? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. 

As I look back over those 15 years, I can see that there are blessings in a Military marriage.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through a homecoming. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each other’s arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through it. You and your spouse are a part of history, working to make the world a better place. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

Deployments can help your relationship to grow even stronger. You start to appreciate one another in ways you never would have if they never had to go away. You constantly remember why you fell in love in the first place. You learn to trust one another across the miles.

But also, never be afraid to reach out for extra help if you don’t feel that way. Different couples handle distance in different ways. There are many resources out there to help too.

PCSing every few years can also be a challenge, especially if you have to PCS to a place you don’t want to go. But there is also something about moving together, having to work through those struggles together, having to be the “new person” together, that can bond you together in many different ways.

While the day to day of military life can feel so heavy sometimes, there are blessings of a military marriage. From growing stronger through the distance to being able to discover more about yourself which can lead to becoming a better partner.

If you are new to the military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the military lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them.

How do you feel that the Military has blessed your marriage?

This is Your Military Life

by

“I could re-join the Army,” he told me one day. We had been trying to figure out what he should do career-wise. What change he should make.

“Hmm…I don’t know about that,” I told him. “I’m not sure about that, we have a kid now.”

Back then, I couldn’t imagine a reality where I was home with my son and my husband was far away for months at a time. It just didn’t seem real. That type of life didn’t seem possible.

I laugh about that now. I think about all the solo parenting I have done over the years and what I thought was impossible, was very possible.

And that is one of the biggest things about military life. One of the biggest lessons you will learn. That you can do what you thought you couldn’t.

Maybe you will PCS overseas by yourself with a toddler, never having imagined that your first flight to Europe would look like that.

Maybe you will go through your first deployment in a brand new state, one you never thought you would ever visit, let alone live in, so many miles from home.

Maybe you will encounter the most difficult of days, and get through to the other side, wondering where you found the strength.

I strongly believe that through everything you go through as a military spouse, there will be a lesson there. Lessons you might not see right away. Lessons that might take some time to understand.

As hard as the deployments might be, you find ways to get through them. One day at a time.

You find your people, even if that takes longer than you would like. Even if that means having to say goodbye later on. You find people who will become your best friends, and you can go through this life together, even if you are miles away.

Even after 15 years, I still have my super frustrating days with the military. This summer, trips were canceled because of Guard duties. I kept trying to tell myself that this was all apart of this life, but doing that is easier said than done.

In between deployments, with no moves on the horizon, life can be pretty “normal” sometimes. You can get so used to military life just going along with your own life, without too many hiccups.

Your spouse gets home at a regular time, you enjoy the weekends together, and life just goes on. And then…orders come, or you hear rumors of deployments, and you are reminded that this is a military life. That you are a military family.

There is so much deployment advice out there. From staying busy to making friends, to trying not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes all of that will work, and other times it won’t.

You might find yourself struggling more than everyone else. You might find yourself wondering how you can get through the next week of deployment, let alone the six months you have left. You can find yourself wishing for another type of life.

I get inspired by seasoned spouses. Those who have been doing this even longer than I have. They have so much wisdom for those of us in the weeds.

They have been there, pcsing with small children, back to back deployments, and always having to say goodbye to people they care about.

They have been there and can comfort and support when you are feeling down or unsure how the future will go.

Not everyone’s military journey looks the same. We all will go down different paths. But the military community is here for each other.

While not everyone you meet during this life will be supportive, I assure you most of us will be. We can lend a helping hand or a listening ear. We can tell you what worked for us, and what didn’t. And we can help each other through.

No matter how long you have been a military spouse, no matter how many deployments you have to go through or how many PCS moves you will make, remember, this is your military life.

This is the path you are on and you are stronger than you realize. You might not always feel that way, I certainly don’t, but time will show you that you are. The military life isn’t always easy, but it’s yours. Every step of the way.

Not All Military Housing is Created Equal, and Other Truths About Military Spouse Life

by 1 Comment

I never thought I would be a military spouse. When I met my husband, he was 25 and had already served a few years in the Army. Little did I know that life would lead him back to the military, and make me a military spouse.

There have been so many surprises along the way, and I have learned so much. Here are just a few truths about military spouse life. Can you relate?

You might be told X will happen, but that doesn’t mean it will

There have been so many times in the last 15 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

Military life isn’t fair!

Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

Not all military housing is created equal

When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got that amazing house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

You will grow without your spouse by your side

During military life, you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

Your parenting will look a little different

Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real-life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

You will surprise yourself

During the last 15 years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

When military life is over, you might not want to leave

As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

The “worst” duty station might be your favorite

There are a few duty stations out there that have the reputation of being the worst place you could get stationed. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place.

Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

by

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Happy to have this guest post by Christina on being stationed at Fort Sill in Oklahoma. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for blog posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

Hi! My name is Christina. I am an Army wife, mother of two boys, homeschool teacher, and lifestyle blogger at It’s a Military Life. We have been stationed at Fort Sill in Oklahoma for over 4 years and it has been an amazing place to raise our children. Lots of family programs and support that we are actively involved in with our little ones. I am so excited to share all about Fort Sill and the surrounding area!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Tell me about the area

Fort Sill is in southwest Oklahoma, with Lawton as its neighboring community, just outside the gates. Personally, being a Chicago native, I very much enjoy the sunny and mild weather. Here and there you might get crazy storms-hail, intense rainstorms, and strong winds-but thankfully the mountains are great for deterring any possible threat of a tornado.

The weather allows for wonderful times at the beautiful LETRA lake and park facility located on post, with cabins, a family beach, picnic areas, and many different outdoor activities. Elmer Thomas Park is also a great place to enjoy a stroll around the pond, free splash park during the summer, and a park suitable for all ages! There are multiple dog parks on post and around Lawton. Some of our first friends we met were at the local parks. If you enjoy the outdoors, this is the place for you!

Mount Scott is a very popular destination, located within the Wichita Mountain Refuge. Here you will see bison, longhorns, and many cute little prairie dogs. Holy City is also tucked away in the mountainous areas; a perfect place to reflect and take in the historic landmark. Another great place to visit is the quaint town of Medicine Park-adorable shops, beautiful scenery, and only a short drive all within the area. 

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

I can go on and on about all the beauty in the surrounding areas, and all the outdoor opportunities on and off base. At first, Lawton/Fort Sill might seem like it is all restaurants, casinos, churches, and car washes (my first thought), but I had to stop comparing it to my hometown of lush green trees, lakes, and suburban living. It has a lot to offer, you just have to be willing to explore to find it!

What facilities are on base?

Fort Sill has a wonderful PX and Commissary, with lots of food and shopping options. There is a bowling alley, four recreational centers, an indoor pool, multiple outdoor swimming pools, splash parks, movie theater, countless parks, a youth center, a very active USO, multiple places of worship, and a great facility called the Patriot Spouses Club for parties and events.

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

What’s there to eat around there?

Fort Sill/Lawton has plenty of restaurants to choose from and even has a lot of food trucks for all those foodies out there. Our favorites are Ted’s Escondido, Burger Joint, Rib Crib, Firehouse Subs, Braum’s Ice Cream, and The Wright’s Diner. Medicine Park has some amazing restaurants, especially Old Plantation, which has great food that makes you feel like you are back home in your grandmother’s kitchen!

Families with Children

Lawton Public School District is the school district for the area, with the on post school included: Freedom Elementary. There are a few private schools in the area, as well. Fort Sill has wonderful options for part-time and full-time childcare, with availability at multiple facilities and in-home care which are all located on base. The Youth Center offers game and leisure activities, a technology lab, homework center, individual sports, group sports, and other fitness activities.

Fort Sill community is very active all year long, with lots of holiday celebrations and special events. Trunk-or-Treat is one of our favorites, along with LETRA Movie on the Beach, Dog Days of Summer Pool Party, ACS Play Group, and Exploring the Park events, Elmer Thomas Christmas Parade, NYE Library Story Time, and much much more!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma
Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

If you’re up for the drive…

As I mentioned before, Medicine Park with the Wichita Mountains is within the area, which is great if you like the outdoors and a quaint small-town vibe with unique shops you can’t find anywhere else.

As a midwestern native, who grew up close to Chicago, I love only being an hour and a half from Oklahoma City! This city is thriving, with so many activities for singles, couples, and families. The zoo has so many animals and hosts several special events. Both Oklahoma City and Edmond, have lots of great museums and play places for your kids to explore. The Oklahoma State Fair is the biggest event of the year every September. Lots of delicious food and family fun!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Dallas is only 2.5 hours away, with endless activities and places to go, with fun rodeo shows nearby at Fort Worth and amazing shops at Grapevine. Tulsa is 3.5 hours east with beautiful shops, great museums, and a lovely botanical garden.  All worthwhile drives, with great communities full of experiences for everyone!

Our Life at Fort Sill in Oklahoma

All in all…

Fort Sill is a great place for family, and we really have enjoyed our time here. The weather is sunny and mild almost every day, giving us lots of chances to have some great outdoor memories with our kids and dog. The base itself is all about taking care of their soldiers and families, with countless activities to promote community and wellness. We are so grateful for all the experiences we have had so far in this great location.

Hi, I’m Christie! I’m an Army spouse, homeschool teacher, and lifestyle blogger at It’s a Military Life. IML is a lifestyle blog sharing lifestyle advice and resources for military spouses and families. The blog includes many different contributors sharing military experiences, home decor ideas, recipes, fitness, as well as resources for our military children. We are a diverse community of military spouses creating a milso network for both men and women because military spouses are stronger together!

So What Can You Do When Military Life Gets Too Hard?

by

Military life is a rollercoaster. You will have your good days and your bad ones. You will have highs and you will have lows. You will be waiting for orders for months and months and then you get them and before you know it you are on a plane headed to your next duty station.

It’s a strange way to live your life, always waiting and then not waiting and hoping and crying and then laughing. Your emotions are all over the place.

When you hit a difficult season of Military life, it can be hard to know what to do. You want to think positively, but doing so is hard. You want to keep busy, but all you really want to do is hide in your bed. You want to remember that this too shall pass but all you see is more lonely nights, more frustrating days, and years of feeling like your life can never be normal again.

So what do you do when you hit this point? What can you do to get out of it?

Find Friends

Find your friends. Maybe you don’t feel like you can see them in person, or maybe they live too far away. You can still connect.

Send a text message, schedule a friend’s Zoom call, or make plans to meet up sometime in the future.

Friends are a must during military life. They can get you through the hard times, and help you make memories together. And they can pull you out when you are feeling like the military is just too much to handle.

Journal Journal Journal

If you don’t already keep a journal, why not start? Pick out a new journal, and just start writing. You can make it the way you want, and just write out your feelings.

The best thing about journaling is that no one can judge what you write. And putting things down on paper can help you get to a better place. A journal is a must during a deployment, or anytime the military is driving you crazy.

Remember the Past

Remember what you have been through before. A long deployment? A move to a place you never wanted to go? And think about how you got through all of that.

When you remember what you have been through, it makes it easier to go through something else in the future. You are strong, and you can look back and see evidence of that. You might just need a reminder.

What CAN You Change

In the end, you have to figure out what YOU can change and what YOU have control over. So many times in military life we as spouses have zero control, but that doesn’t mean we just have to live with everything the way that it is.
What can we do to make things a little bit easier back at home? What changes can we make to our daily schedules? Once you start looking at what you can change, and work on those things, it makes it a little easier to accept the things you can’t.

Have you ever felt like Military life was a little too much at times? What have you done to get through it?

Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

by

Finding Yourself, When Your Spouse Deploys

Whenever my husband is gone, I find I have a little more time for myself. I have more time to think about things, and more time to figure out what I was to do and change in my life.

Life is still busy when he is gone, sometimes even more so, but I love to take that time to reflect on well, everything.

As you go through deployments during your years as a military spouse, you will find that no matter what happens while they are gone, you will learn something new, and grow as a person.

During my first deployment, I found my inner strength and realized I could solo parent, for over a year if I needed to. This gave me the strength to get through future deployments. And while I am thankful that we have never had to go through another long deployment like that, I am thankful that I learned from it.

During our second deployment, I learned about the beauty of true friendship and what it means to help each other out. During that deployment, I found such a good friend, and we needed one another to get to the finish line. Going forward, I find the friendship of a good friend so important during military life.

During our third deployment, I battled a lot of fears. I was scared when I wasn’t before and I wasn’t even sure why. I learned to handle those fears and to figure out ways to move past them. I was able to take that into future separations.

During our fourth deployment, I realized I needed extra help. I had hit some type of wall and I couldn’t continue in the way I was going. That deployment broke me and I had to figure out how to make it work, for myself, for my kids, and for my husband.

We have gone through other separations and each one I grow in some way. Each one I learn something new. And I try to take what I have learned into the future, through military life, or anything that comes my way.

If you are going through a deployment, there are some things you can do to reflect more on your life, and learn some pretty amazing lessons along the way.

Journaling

Keeping a journal is such a good way to do this. You can spill out your thoughts and no one has to ever read them. You can read older entries and learn more about how far you have come.

Talking With a Friend

Talking things out with a good friend can also be helpful. Sometimes we can’t always see things that our friends can. And by talking to friends, we can be there for them and their journey as well.

Take Time For Yourself

We all need time to ourselves. Even if that means a nice bubble bath when your kids are sleeping in the next room over. Having time to yourself will allow you to have the mental space to work through anything you are dealing with and to figure out better ways to cope during a deployment.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New

Stepping out of our comfort zone can be hard to do. But sometimes doing so leads to so many amazing things. If you have the opportunity to try something new, go for it. You never know where it might lead.

Use the time during a deployment to make some healthy changes, and learn through your challenges. You will be glad that you did.

When It Feels Like Military Life Isn’t Fair

by

Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t. One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

What on earth was I thinking???

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation.

Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of it. We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to and it took a while to figure out why that was happening.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. It really just depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule.

And this is another reason why you really never know what you signed up for. You can never really see how military life is going to pan out. You just have to “buckle your seat belt” and get ready for the ride.

You have to hope for the best while also preparing for the worst. And that isn’t always easy to do.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening, and what I need to do to prepare.

Military life makes this hard sometimes.

You might get little notice for something. Some people move with just a few weeks notice. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that it is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best as you can.

Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

by Leave a Comment

It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

In November, I will hit 15 years of being a military spouse. 15 years! That seems so hard to believe sometimes, other times…it feels like I have been living this life so much longer.

Some years are easier than others. Some years have more separations than others. Some years just feel so much more difficult than others.

But there have also been so many good memories over the years. I have met so many amazing people. I am thankful for all that I have been able to experience from this life.

Often times it can feel like military life is dragging us down. That we would be so much better off if our spouse found another career. That we shouldn’t even be in this position or that we are not strong enough to make it through.

But I think one of the things that helps through all of this is knowing that you are not going through any of this alone. That there are other military spouses who have been through it all too. And that we can all learn from one another.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the children, of comforting sad kids that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have had to tell my children that our vacation was canceled because their dad got called up to go somewhere for a few weeks instead.

I have been through it and although it made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and issues are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down…

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict…

Because life as a military spouse can be so full of surprises, and some of those can knock you off your feet.

So if you as a Military spouse need to cry and vent, if you need to go home for a while, if you need to see a counselor, if you just need a friend who gets it, I understand. I totally understand. I have been there.

We have each other to lean on, we have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with, and we have each other to get through this life with.

And although some days are harder than others, the truth is, we all fell in love with someone who wants to serve their country. And deep down we know that this is where we are supposed to be.

How long have you been a military spouse?