Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military spouse life

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses have ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

There He Goes Again

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Man and woman holding hands.

There he goes again. Always leaving. Always working hard.

I will never get used to seeing him go. I will never not tear up when I think of it. I will never have to say goodbye without that moment causing me pain. But I know he has to go.

As a military spouse, I know that this life means that sometimes he will be far away from us. That we will have to watch him walk away. With his uniform on and his gear at his side.

There he goes again even though it feels like he just came home. Even if I wanted him to stay a bit longer. Even if I wanted him to be here with us instead.

When he signed the paperwork to do this, I stood by not knowing what it all meant. I knew there would be distance, but I didn’t know how badly that could hurt. I knew there would be pain, but I didn’t know the pain wouldn’t get easier as the years went by.

There he goes again. This time to fight a different battle.

This time in a different country. Going somewhere I could never visit. Going to a place I never thought he would ever go.

As I watch him walk away, I think of everything we have been through. Are these all the years that we get? Is this where our story ends? I don’t want to think that, but I can’t help it. I know how dangerous his job can be.

There he goes again. Into the unknown. Into the wild. As I watch him walk away, I wonder who I will be when he returns. I sure hope I am stronger but right now all I feel is weakness.

As I turn to my children, I realize how hard all this is going to be for them. They have to say goodbye to their father again. One more time. They have to do without when other kids don’t. That isn’t fair, but that is a part of this life.

There he goes again. Serving his country. Taking up the fight for freedom. Responding to his orders. Is he the type that could stay home when others go to fight? No, he is the type to go, even when he doesn’t want to leave us.

Oh how much our children will grow when he is gone. They will have birthdays that he will miss and we will never get that time back. They will start at a new school, make new friends, and life will go on for them. Even through missing him.

There He Goes Again

There he goes again. Just like I knew he would have to.

From the moment I heard the news he was going, I knew this day would come. With tears in my eyes, I hugged and kissed him goodbye. I told him I would write; he told me he loved me.

Oh, how I wish this were not a part of our life. Our military life. But it is. Oh, how I wish this were easier. Sometimes I think the next time will be, but saying goodbye doesn’t work like that.

The time apart is what it is. When he goes, I try to stay busy and cross off those days on the calendar. I will send care packages and go to FRG meetings and know that deployments eventually end. I will remember how I got through the last deployment and remember that this one is supposed to be shorter.

There he goes again, as military spouses we will say this over and over again. And each time we will shed our tears and stand tall. Because we have to. Because we love them. Because we love our country.

And through it all, we will take what we learn, apply it to our future and know that we got this, no matter how hard it seems, no matter how long they are gone, no matter what else military life brings our way. 

Looking for more blog posts about surviving a deployment?

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Charlotte is a Coast Guard wife, mother, and doula, and she has dedicated her work to supporting military families throughout their prenatal, labor, and postpartum journeys. After her own traumatic birth experience and a difficult postpartum season, Charlotte recognized the importance of having an advocate and supporter, especially when deployments and far-away duty stations leave new and expecting mothers on their own. 

Desperate for Answers

Charlotte received her prenatal and postpartum care with civilian providers in Florida, and while she “thought my body would have known what to do…it’s not that simple.” She ended up with an emergency C-section because her heart rate was dropping, and her daughter was not tolerating Pitocin. She was separated from her daughter for 7 hours while she was taken to the NICU for additional care, and she sadly recalled that she “know[s] what it’s like to be left in an empty room alone.”

Her daughter ultimately had to stay in the NICU for four days, but Charlotte was frustrated by the minimal answers she received about her daughter’s condition from the medical team. She had to ask three times to speak with a doctor, and she felt that the answers she received from the nurses were surface-level. Similarly, she had to continuously ask for a lactation consultant. It was “a lot of advocating I didn’t expect to do freshly postpartum,” she said, and even with her husband present and her sister-in-law (who is a neonatologist) available to help, she felt herself struggling to find the answers she needed. 

Overall, she felt overwhelmed by her birth experience, and her postpartum days were marked by loneliness, frustration, and deep sadness. She recalled her first night home from the hospital and how she awoke to find an empty bassinet. She freaked out because she forgot that her daughter was still in the NICU. To this day, Charlotte doesn’t have answers to many of her questions about her traumatic birth and recovery, and she’s gone through a lot of therapy to process and heal from the experience.

Feeling Alone and Finding a Lifeline

After her daughter was able to come home, Charlotte felt “crazy” and didn’t leave the house for six months. She found it hard to talk to people about what she was going through because of the unique struggles of military life. People tried to give her well-meaning advice, but Charlotte felt that many other moms “don’t get that experience…it’s not a normal job where your spouse can just take leave.”

Her husband had to go out to sea and split his paternity leave, and she recalled the difficulty of not having regular and easy contact with him. While she recognized it wasn’t her husband’s fault that he was gone during such a sensitive and critical time, she still felt upset, alone, and unsupported. While she had one friend come over to help, she felt that most people just wanted to see her baby rather than offer her the support and care she so desperately needed as a new mom. 

Additionally, she struggled with feelings of shame. She told herself, “Other moms had babies in the NICU for longer,” and because she felt that she wasn’t taken seriously at the hospital, she felt even worse. “I don’t know how I made it out of that,” she recalled, and credits her virtual support groups and therapist as being her “lifeline” during these difficult transitional months. 

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Desire to Give Back and Supporting Military Moms

Charlotte needed time to work on herself and heal, but she soon felt the need to give back. “Being a doula is my way to heal,” she says, and she is determined to help other women see that “birth can be beautiful even if it doesn’t go to plan.” She began doing virtual trainings in Florida when her daughter was a year old, and she completed her certification in births in Guam after their PCS. 

Guam has been a challenging and rewarding duty station for her as a doula because of the lack of maternity care resources, the distance many women are from their families, and the difficulties that deployments pose. She says that “holding space for all the feelings and all the emotions is sometimes what they [moms] need,” and she works to tailor her support to each client’s needs. For example, she can accompany women in person to their prenatal appointments or can join on speakerphone to help them feel less alone.

Making specialist appointments with Tricare can be a difficult and daunting process, and she works to advocate for and support women as they navigate the healthcare system. She helps women to draft questions before their appointments and gives them the space to vent if things don’t go according to plan. Her goal is to “help moms feel empowered to speak up.” After seeing the red flags in her own care and not knowing how to speak up, she works to ensure that women feel safe. 

She recently started a support group for new and expecting moms because she knows “how lonely it can be.” She said that being in a support group “really helped me to know I’m not crazy…knowing you’re not alone and have other moms you can lean on helps a lot because it can feel really isolating.” She also offers birth education classes because “the more you know, the more empowered you are.” She wants new moms to “feel like the choices they make are their own.” 

More Changes Ahead

After only a year in Guam, Charlotte’s husband received an opportunity to work in Puerto Rico. While Charlotte was in the midst of establishing her doula services in Guam, she is looking forward to her next steps after their move. She is interested in becoming a midwife so she can take a more hands-on approach to maternal care. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Shiloh is an Air Force wife, mother, and community organizer who has helped to build and maintain supportive groups for families in Guam. After becoming a mother in Hawaii and moving to Guam with a young child, Shiloh recognized the importance of being a good villager and creating a support system to keep loneliness, isolation, and boredom at bay. 

Life Changing News

Before PCSing to Hawaii with her husband, Shiloh had never lived outside Missouri, except for a few months as a toddler. She intended to make the most of the opportunity by learning to surf and completing an internship with the Children’s Justice Center. However, she became pregnant a month after their move, so outdoor adventures were largely put on the back burner, and her life was soon consumed with the demands of motherhood. She began to make new friends when her son was six months old, and she appreciated the wide variety and availability of activities in Hawaii. However, this newly developing support system was interrupted by her move to Guam. 

With the move to a smaller, further, and more isolated Pacific island, Shiloh wanted to be really intentional about supporting her son in making friends. She was struck by how little was offered for children under the preschool age range and felt like she needed to start something to build a community for herself and other moms in the same position. 

She decided to put herself out there by posting about starting a playgroup on Facebook, and she received a hugely positive response from other moms looking for genuine connections and opportunities for themselves and their children to socialize. 

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

The Power of Playgroups 

Shiloh reflected that she’s always been a community organizer; she led a neighborhood egg hunt when she was eight years old and has always taken joy in organizing communal events. This outlet had been lost during the trenches of new motherhood in Hawaii, but she was determined to reclaim that vital part of herself in Guam. Having always worked or been in school, Shiloh emphasized the importance of having something that was hers and that she could pour her passions into. 

The playgroup started simply with 2 events a week that touched on two main themes: playground socialization time and exploring Guam like a tourist. Because her husband was busy, Shiloh recognized that there were so many activities that weren’t as fun to do alone, so she invited families to join her for outings to the Guam Museum, Ritidian Beach, Inarajan Natural Pool, and other popular spots. Listening to the group’s feedback, she began a monthly “crafts and coffee” event where moms could focus on a craft while their kids played together. From hikes to book clubs, there’s something for every family’s interest and endless ways to find and foster friendships. 

The group has been in existence for a year and currently has over 350 members, most of whom are associated with the military. Shiloh was especially excited that other women have stepped up to host events, ensuring the group’s longevity with the ever-changing dynamics of PCS season. She wanted to create a space that would survive and thrive long after she moves to her next duty station, a challenge many military-affiliated groups face. “The playgroup has become the cornerstone of people’s village here,” Shiloh said with pride.

Outside of in-person meetups, Shiloh is also proud of the virtual engagement and community the group has cultivated. Members are invited to reflect on their week every Saturday evening on the group’s Facebook page, and an active group chat allows people to ask for, offer, and receive support. For example, a mom recently wrote that she was struggling to keep up with her house, and multiple members volunteered to lend a hand during her time of need. “I want it to be community building and a little village,” Shiloh said, and it’s evident that hundreds of families are benefiting from the friendship and support the playgroup offers. 

The key, Shiloh said, is “if you want a village, be a villager. If I set up a meal train, then I’m the first to bring a meal. You can’t be passive and expect your community to build.” While she said that it’s always awkward and hard to initially make introductions and put yourself out there, she can guarantee that everyone wants to make more friends.  

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Friendship and Faith

“I was throwing myself headlong into everything when we got here because I wanted to build a system here,” Shiloh admitted. “I need people I can depend on, so I hit the ground running.” She had attended just two meetings of Just Among Military Moms (JAMM)—a faith and fellowship group for women on Andersen Air Force Base—when she helped to fill a leadership void. 

The group has had its peaks and valleys in the past year, and Shiloh began with significant obstacles. Facing budget cuts, Shiloh had to work even harder to create an intentional group that was “not just another reason to get together…[it would be] soul building.” Believing that “anybody can start anything” because “our world is built by people who have the audacity,” Shiloh was undaunted in crafting themed events and a retreat to bring the community together. She is proud to be in a position where leadership trusts her and to be reaping the fruits of her labor a year later. 

A Plan to Give Back 

Shiloh’s self-proclaimed toxic trait is that she’s always looking for more things to do. “I love to be busy and have my things,” she said, and admitted that while she loves being a mom, she also misses working. She was a Registered Behavior Technician for three years and worked with kids on the autism spectrum.

With a degree in psychology and years of hands-on experience, Shiloh has a desire to get her master’s degree in social work. Just dealing with children’s behaviors, she believes, is not enough; there are deeper issues beyond diagnoses, and home life is a huge factor that impacts mental health. “There is so much more in mental health than the mind; I want to get to the heart of it,” she said. 

She would like to start a therapy practice with multiple providers focusing on EMDR and trauma therapy for kids struggling with abuse and neglect. Having seen how impactful it is to care for providers, she wants to work with and support mental health providers because second-hand trauma is a real challenge. While her desire is to work with kids in the long run, she wants to wait until her own are older first. 

The community-building work that she’s doing now is ultimately developing her skills for social work. She is getting to know on a real level the struggles moms and their kids are facing. She appreciates the freedom that volunteering and leading gives her; without a boss, she is free to pursue her interests and passions on her own timeline while still being fully present for her son. For other moms who feel like they’re not making career progress outside of their homes, Shiloh encourages them to volunteer or make things to donate because there’s a need for assistance wherever you’re stationed. 

Creating Community: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Final Reflections

“People don’t realize how much agency they have,” Shiloh said, and she encourages others to have the bravery and initiative to find and fill the needs in their community. “If there’s nothing in your area, you can make the thing.” After all, she said, her playgroup didn’t start with hundreds of members. If you start small and are genuine, your efforts will grow organically. You just need the courage to begin. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

12 Ways to Know You Have Been a Military Spouse for a Really Long Time

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I used to be the brand new spouse. The whole military thing was all new to me. I can remember standing on post as a group of soldiers walked by and telling myself, wow, this is really my life now. It was surreal at the time, but now it wouldn’t phase me.

But over the years, I have grown, learned, and moved from a brand new military spouse to a more seasoned one.

And wow, I have learned a lot!

Do you feel like you are a seasoned spouse too? Here is how you know you have been a military spouse for a really long time…:)

#1 You know what all those three-letter words mean. MWR, DoD, TDY, and MOS to name a few. And then, just when you think you have them all memorized, you discover a new one. Those military acronyms always keep you on your toes.

#2 You hear someone hasn’t spoken to their spouse in 24 hours and you think back to your first deployment when you would go weeks without a word.

#3 You don’t start really looking into a new duty station until orders are in hand. Just because they say you are moving somewhere doesn’t mean it will happen.

#4 You no longer write in pen. You have been burned in the past and wonder what took you so long to invest in some really nice pencils.

#5 You know those deployment dates are really just suggestions. Both the coming and the going. They can and do change at any time.

#6 Your family knows the drill. No, you don’t know when you can visit again. No, you can’t tell them when they are coming home from the deployment. No, you don’t know when you will be moving back to the States.

#7 You know that being due with a baby doesn’t mean your spouse will be able to come home early from a deployment. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. Military spouses do give birth without their spouse by their side.

#8 You avoid the Commissary on payday at all costs. It’s not worth waiting in line for 3 hours. I am only kind of kidding about that.

#9 You have a PCS system down. You know how to make your to-do list and your moving day schedule and put it all together in a PCS binder. Or maybe you don’t because you don’t use one because you have done this 100 times.

#10 You have friends all over the world. Yes, quite literally, across the globe.

#11 You know pre-deployment will be stressful, and you know post-deployment will be too. But when you are headed to pick up your spouse after a deployment, you still get butterflies.

#12 You know who Murphy is, and you hate him. You never invite him in, but he always shows up. You are never surprised.

Military life is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad. We have to laugh about it sometimes and power through others. Taking the journey, one day at a time.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

In November, I will hit 15 years of being a military spouse. 15 years! That seems so hard to believe sometimes, other times…it feels like I have been living this life so much longer.

Some years are easier than others. Some years have more separations than others. Some years just feel so much more difficult than others.

But there have also been so many good memories over the years. I have met so many amazing people. I am thankful for all that I have been able to experience from this life.

Often times it can feel like military life is dragging us down. That we would be so much better off if our spouse found another career. That we shouldn’t even be in this position or that we are not strong enough to make it through.

But I think one of the things that helps through all of this is knowing that you are not going through any of this alone. That there are other military spouses who have been through it all too. And that we can all learn from one another.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the children, of comforting sad kids that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have had to tell my children that our vacation was canceled because their dad got called up to go somewhere for a few weeks instead.

I have been through it and although it made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and issues are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down…

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict…

Because life as a military spouse can be so full of surprises, and some of those can knock you off your feet.

So if you as a Military spouse need to cry and vent, if you need to go home for a while, if you need to see a counselor, if you just need a friend who gets it, I understand. I totally understand. I have been there.

We have each other to lean on, we have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with, and we have each other to get through this life with.

And although some days are harder than others, the truth is, we all fell in love with someone who wants to serve their country. And deep down we know that this is where we are supposed to be.

How long have you been a military spouse?

5 Things I Have Learned During My Time As A Solo Parent

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16 years ago, my husband went to a recruiter for the Army reserves. We walked out of the place and said, “Nope, that isn’t going to be an option for us.” One reason was that he would have to drive a few hours to get to his monthly drills. Another reason was that I would have to be a solo parent and I couldn’t imagine it.

Yep, I couldn’t see how I could parent by myself. Doing so didn’t seem possible. I laugh about that now.

Back then I had one little boy who wasn’t even a year old yet. I really didn’t think I could handle solo parenting. It sounded awful. Just being the only parent around for days, weeks, months at a time? How could we even be thinking about that?

Well, as it turned out, we decided that active duty Army was the way to go. He signed his papers and left for Germany. Instant solo parenting!

Over the years I have in fact gone days, weeks, months, and one time over a year as the only parent in the house. Over the years I have learned a lot about myself, my parenting, and about how to be with kids when you are the only one in charge.

1) Some things ARE easier by yourself.

Take middle-of-the-night feedings. My husband was gone when boy #2 was a newborn and when #3 was about two months old. That meant he just wasn’t there during the months that my babies woke up to eat in the middle of the night.

As hard as it was to do that alone, not worrying about waking him up was nice. I didn’t have to be extra quiet as I climbed out of bed. I could turn the light on if need be. It really did make the middle of the night times a little bit easier.

2) Sometimes you can only do what you can do.

When it is just you, when you are tired and lonely and worn down, you look at what is important. You don’t dwell so much on the little silly things. You focus on what needs to get done and do it. That can be freeing in some ways.

3) No butting heads about the little things.

Since you are the solo parent, you don’t tend to ask your spouse about all the little parenting choices you have to make. All the choices are all up to you. You never want to do something your spouse would hate but you also won’t butt heads over something small.

4) More time for yourself. More time to think.

After you put the kids to bed, you can have your me time. This will give you more time to think. To think about what went right, to think about what went wrong and what you can do better the next day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my husband after the kids go to bed when he is home, but when he isn’t, I take the time to reflect a little more than I do when he is around.

5) You can do more than you think you can.

Going back to 2005, I didn’t think I could handle being a solo parent. When people tell me they couldn’t do military life, I remember that. I remember that I didn’t think I could either. Is it hard? Yep. Do you just want your spouse home when they are away? Yep. Can you make things work if you have to? Yes you can.

Whether your spouse is in the Military or has another job that keeps them away sometimes, solo parenting can be draining. Find some good support systems to help you through. Realize that you will have to let things go and enjoy the time that you do have together. You can get through it, I know that you can.

Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

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Military Life Doesn’t Always Look the Same

Before my husband joined the military, I was a SAHM and he worked 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

He joined the Army and by the time we hit the first-year mark, we were in the middle of a 15-month deployment, on a post in Germany.

My life changed in so many different ways. Military life was so completely different than what I was used to, in so many different ways.

Over the years, life has gone on, we went through many deployments and a couple of moves. Now as a National Guard family things are different than they were as an active duty one, but not quite the same as when we were civilians.

Some weeks are more military than others. Some years are more military than others. It all just depends on what is going on and what is happening with my spouse’s career.

Once you get to know the military community you start to notice that not everyone’s military journey looks the same. Some include more separations than others. Some include more moves than others.

Some military spouses have moved every few years, packing up and diving into a new home every three years. Others have only moved once or twice as a military family, with plans to stay put at their current duty station for quite a bit longer.

Some spouses have been through many deployments, in a short amount of time. Others have been able to have years in between.

Some military spouses are raising children and others are not. Some spouses will be able to be stationed overseas, and others will never have that opportunity.

Because our military experiences can be so different, it’s important to listen when other military spouses tell you they are having a more difficult time or just can’t seem to figure out the best way to get through the next few months.

It’s important to remember that what worked for you might not work for someone else. That we all have things that frustrate or bother us. And that we might not know what another military spouse is going through.

That being said, even if we haven’t walked the exact same path, there is beauty in coming together and talking about our experience. There is value in sharing what we have experienced and how we have made it through.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or heading into your third decade.

Whether you have been through 10 deployments or waiting on your first one.

Whether you feel strong at the moment or are struggling with your current situation.

Military life doesn’t always look the same, but we can still learn from one another. The military community is strong, and we can help each other through with encouragement and patience. With listening ears and a desire to help one another out.

How long have you been a military spouse?