Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military spouse life

5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

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5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Season’s Greetings. We made it to the holidays, which feels a little weird. On one hand, the holidays are supposed to be magical, but it’s 2020, so…I guess we have to see how it plays out.

As much as I want things to instantly get better once the clock hits midnight on January 1st, I know, that things might not actually change all that much for us. I have hope that we won’t be dealing with another year of a pandemic, but I just don’t have any idea when our current situation will be over. Sigh. And that’s so hard to think about.

As military spouses, we know that military life doesn’t always have the best timing. There will be years when your spouse will be deployed over Christmas. There will be years when they are home. There will be years when you don’t even have a home as you are PCSing during the holidays, and there are years when you will be able to invite your family and celebrate in the way you want to.

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Add in a global pandemic, and things feel even more off. Still, I hope the holidays can bring you a little bit of joy. I hope that you can smile at least some of the time. Here are 5 memes for military spouses to help:

8 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

or California, or pretty much anywhere that refuses to have a White Christmas…TN I am looking at you 😉

Sometimes we have to take a deployment day by day, or even hour by hour. Deployments aren’t easy, but remember….you got this!

I have so been that girl, many times. And it isn’t the Christmas I wanted, but it was the Christmas I got. But at least I had my books.

YES!!! Put that under the tree please 🙂

I don’t know about you, but when I am going through something difficult, knowing I am not the only one going through it helps.

Whatever you do this holiday season, I hope you are able to make memories with your family, start new traditions, and connect together, even over the miles. As you look ahead to the new year, know that you can find ways to make it through anything that comes your way.

How are you celebrating the holidays this year?

10 Gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover

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The holidays are here! Hanukkah begins next week, and Christmas is less than three weeks away. I’m sure you have already started shopping, but what’s on your holiday list? What would you love to see what’s under the tree with YOUR name on it?

I know many of you love to read like I do. There is nothing better than diving into a new book. So whether you have a gift card burning a hole in your pocket, or shopping for another milspouse friend or family member, here are 10 gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover:

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Book of the Month Subscription

I have been subscribing to Book of the Month for almost five years now, and I love it. Book of the Month is a book subscription service where each month you get to chose a hardback book from five selections. One of the things I love about the Book of the Month subscription is that if you don’t like any of the books on a certain month, you can easily skip. If you like more than one, you can add up to two add-ons. And after 12-months as a subscriber, you become a BFF with special perks. I LOVE being able to pick out a new book once a month. You can sign up here, and if you love books as I do, you will be glad you did 🙂

Bookmarks

I LOVE cute bookmarks. There are so many amazing creators out there, making bookmarks based on anything. From favorite books to favorite phrases. Just head on over to Etsy and see what you can find. I have ordered some cute bookmarks from BOOGandBEAN and BookmarksAndBites.

Bookish Socks

I love cute socks! And there are some super cute socks for book lovers out there. These Lavley Nerd Socks are SO fun!!!

Military Spouse Fiction

Are you a fan of military spouse fiction? Here are some authors that write about military spouse fiction or military life fiction:

A Kindle Paperwhite

I LOVE my Paperwhite. If you are going to get a Kindle to read on, the Paperwhite is the best choice. You won’t feel like you are reading on a computer or phone, which is so nice. The newest version is waterproof and I use the light every night when reading in bed.

A Kindle Paperwhite case

If you are going to get a new Kindle, you need a pretty new case. And there are many to choose from. Most of them are pretty affordable too. Just make sure the case you are buying fits your model of Kindle. I just bought myself this pretty one.

100 Books Scratch Off Poster

This is such a neat idea! The 100 Books Scratch Off Poster- Top Reads of All Time Bucket List. Put it on your wall, and once you read the book, scratch it off.

A Bookish Tee

What’s better than a bookish tee? There are so many to choose from. I love this “My Weekend is All Booked T Shirt.” It pretty much describes my life.

A Reading Journal

Tracking what you read can be a fun way to remember your reading year. And they make some amazing reading journals. For example, this Bibliophile Reader’s Journal by Jane Mount, with beautiful illustrations.

The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Noralee Jones and Julie Provost.

Mrs. Navy Mama and I wrote a book last year, all about military life. In the book you will find: 10 Chapters based on the most frequently asked questions from new MILSOs, handouts and worksheets to supplement chapters and bring solutions, a resources list with links and specific posts broken down by topics, guides for Acronyms, PCSing list, and more!

Purchase your copy here!

Can Anyone Really Make it as a Military Spouse?

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Can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?

I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.

There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military when I didn’t think I could do it either.

When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.

Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.

Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.

Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.

For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.

In either case, the military spouse can feel like their world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.

I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.

But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.

That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.

For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.

The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.

While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you.

That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family. We are all our own people, and we have to make the choices that work for us.

What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?

Halfway Through a Deployment

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Halfway Through a Deployment

They have been gone for so many days now, so many days. But as you look at the calendar, you realize something exciting, you have hit the halfway point.

This fills you will joy because it tells you that you are making it through this deployment. It tells you that the days will actually pass and you will get through to the end.

When the deployment first started, you weren’t sure how you would make it to the first week, let alone the first month but now, here you are, halfway through a deployment.

You think about all the days you have crossed off your calendar, and all the special memories you were able to make, even though you felt that deployment ache through them all. You still tried to have fun, even if they weren’t around to share that fun with you.

You have taken so many pictures, enough to fill a book. You have sent a handful of care packages, knowing that each one made their day, sending them love across the miles. You start to have ideas of what to send for the next few months.

You think about your kids, and how they have handled things. The first half of this deployment hasn’t been without tears. But, you know you can be there for them on the lonely nights or when they really just want that hug from mommy or daddy and you can’t give it to them.

You take our your calendar, and you know you need to fill the dates up just like you did for the first half of the deployment. You know keeping busy is the way to go, even though doing so doesn’t always take away the loneliness that comes with a deployment.

In the back of your mind, you know that they could stay for longer than you think they are supposed to. You have been there before and a deployment extension is always something you think about. But you also want to have that faith that the deployment will end at the time you think it might, and have hope that this truly is the halfway point of the deployment.

You think about what the halfway point of a deployment really means. The halfway point of a deployment means you will soon have fewer days left that you have already been through. The halfway point of a deployment means you can do hard things. The halfway point of a deployment means you have climbed up the mountain and just need to make your way back down.

Deployment days don’t always move quickly, but they do move and reaching the halfway point of the deployment is evidence of that. Reaching that milestone is a reason to celebrate, and to think about all the things you were able to do, that you didn’t think you could.

If you have friends going through the deployment with you, you could make plans to celebrate. Dance and sing, and know that you are doing this, you are getting through this deployment, even if it is just one day at a time.

Treat yourself and order a yummy dinner, buy a new book, or start a new project. Do something to mark this milestone, and remember this accomplishment when you hit harder days ahead.

Deployments are rarely easy. Each one comes with its own challenges, based on so many different factors. But they all have a halfway point to celebrate and remind you how tough you really are.

Have you done anything special to celebrate the halfway mark of a deployment?

A Military Spouse For All Seasons

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It’s fall! As I look out the window I can see the colors of the trees. I love how beautiful the fall in Tennessee is. Watching the leaves change is also a reminder of a new season approaching and the old one letting go.

As military spouses, our lives can be broken up into seasons. At first, we are a new spouse, asking all the questions. Then we become more seasoned and find ourselves offering advice.

We go through seasons of deployment, then reintegration, and then deployment once again. Hoping that we can take what we have learned from the past and apply it to the future. Hoping the next deployment is a little easier, even if deployments don’t work that way.

We go through seasons of pcsing. Our spouse gets orders to a new place. We research and learn as much as we can. We prepare and countdown the days. Then moving day arrives and we travel to our new home.

At first, we don’t know where anything is and have to ask for directions to the PX. But time passes and we find our community. We find our place. Knowing that there will be another PCS again in the future.

We go through seasons of “normal” life when our spouse comes home from work just like other spouses do. We spend the weekends together as a family, and life just goes on. But we can’t completely relax because we know things can and will change again in the future.

We find new friends and get to know one another, getting excited about what we have in common. If we are lucky we can spend years together, knowing one day the military will cause us to have to part. But we cherish the time we have together as much as we can because we know how quickly things can change.

As the seasons change, so do our lives. We might live in the south, soaking up the humidity, and swatting away the bugs, and the next year we will be sitting by a fire in Germany, wondering when the snow will actually melt.

The seasons with our kids change as well. That first deployment we might have babies, and by the fifth one, teenagers. No two deployments are the same and this is one of the biggest reasons why. The seasons of our lives have changed and so do our challenges.

As you go through these changes, remember, the bad seasons do not last forever and through them, there are so many lessons for us to learn. During the easier seasons of life, we might be able to reach out and help others on their own military journey.

If you are sick of your duty station, don’t worry, seasons will change and you will be on the move once again.

If you are sick of a deployment, remember, the days do pass and you will be at the end, and into a new season of them being home.

If you are struggling with your kids, struggling with work, or struggling in general, you can find ways to help. You can figure out what you can do to make life a little easier. And you can remember that this is just a season in your life, and things won’t always be this way.

I know this fall season that I love will pass quickly. One day I will look up at the trees and see most of them have lost their colors. I will start needing a jacket everywhere I go, and might even see some snowflakes. This will be a reminder to me that seasons change in the world, just like they do in my military life.

What season are you going through right now?

The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

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The Many Blessings of a Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going.

We have had to make a lot of choices over the years. When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the Military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices.  I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we made bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life-changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the Military at age 30. This was something that we talked about for months beforehand. We had no idea what his time in the military would be like once we made that decision.

We were diving into the unknown. While my husband had been in the Army before, that was when he was a lot younger, and way before I came into the picture. Being a soldier with a wife and child was going to be completely different for him, and becoming an Army wife was going to be totally different than anything I was used to.

As I think back over the last 15 years as a Military spouse, there have been many blessings in our marriage because of our time as a military couple.

Don’t get me wrong. Would I have preferred to have a husband who never had to go away? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. 

As I look back over those 15 years, I can see that there are blessings in a Military marriage.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through a homecoming. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each other’s arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through it. You and your spouse are a part of history, working to make the world a better place. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

Deployments can help your relationship to grow even stronger. You start to appreciate one another in ways you never would have if they never had to go away. You constantly remember why you fell in love in the first place. You learn to trust one another across the miles.

But also, never be afraid to reach out for extra help if you don’t feel that way. Different couples handle distance in different ways. There are many resources out there to help too.

PCSing every few years can also be a challenge, especially if you have to PCS to a place you don’t want to go. But there is also something about moving together, having to work through those struggles together, having to be the “new person” together, that can bond you together in many different ways.

While the day to day of military life can feel so heavy sometimes, there are blessings of a military marriage. From growing stronger through the distance to being able to discover more about yourself which can lead to becoming a better partner.

If you are new to the military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the military lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them.

How do you feel that the Military has blessed your marriage?

Not All Military Housing is Created Equal, and Other Truths About Military Spouse Life

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I never thought I would be a military spouse. When I met my husband, he was 25 and had already served a few years in the Army. Little did I know that life would lead him back to the military, and make me a military spouse.

There have been so many surprises along the way, and I have learned so much. Here are just a few truths about military spouse life. Can you relate?

You might be told X will happen, but that doesn’t mean it will

There have been so many times in the last 15 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

Military life isn’t fair!

Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

Not all military housing is created equal

When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got that amazing house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

You will grow without your spouse by your side

During military life, you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

Your parenting will look a little different

Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real-life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

You will surprise yourself

During the last 15 years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

When military life is over, you might not want to leave

As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

The “worst” duty station might be your favorite

There are a few duty stations out there that have the reputation of being the worst place you could get stationed. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place.

Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

What Milspouses Need When They Are Feeling Lonely

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Loneliness and deployments go hand and hand, don’t they? It just seems to be apart of the deal. We miss our spouse or partner when they are away, and that loneliness can come after too many days apart.

I know I feel it. Sometimes very strongly.

Loneliness can hit at the most random of times. From when I see another couple holding hands or our favorite song comes on the radio…yes I sometimes still listen to the radio, don’t judge 😉

Right after my husband left for his first deployment, I was sitting with a few other wives. We were waiting to see the men drive by on the buses, so we could wave goodbye one last time. As we sat there, we really didn’t know what we were really dealing with.

We didn’t know then how hard the deployment would be. How scary the deployment would feel at times. We really had no idea how lonely we would feel over the months our husbands were deployed.

As the deployment got going, the feeling of loneliness took over me. I remember sitting in my bathroom, after my son went to sleep, wondering how I was going to get through that time without my husband. He is the one person I could talk to about anything.

Even the silly things. The everyday things. The things spouses talk about with one another.

So what can you do when you are feeling so lonely during a deployment? What do milspouses need when they are feeling this way?

A true community

Maybe it is online, maybe it is friends at your duty station, but you need to find some type of community. A group of people to help you through and help you get through that loneliness.

Finding that community can be quite difficult sometimes. You might not feel like you belong or that anyone else cares. But people do, many people do. You just have to find them.

Military spouse communities can be your best support. Other spouses who get it and understand. Other spouses who know all about that deployment loneliness and can get what you are going through.

A good support system

Your support system goes even deeper than your community. It is your parents and your siblings and your friends back at home. It is your milspouse best friend and your civilian neighbors that can help you out when you need it.

Us military spouses need people we can vent to without judgment. We need people who we can call if we have to take a kid to the ER or need someone to help us out with some type of issue. And we need people we can connect with when that loneliness sets in.

Ways to stay busy

Staying busy is one of the best things you can do to get through a deployment. Even more so when that loneliness sets in. You can stay busy in your home, working on projects. You can stay busy by going out, and even hanging out with other people.

Although right now that might be a bit difficult with 2020 and all, normally, finding those friends to spend time with will speed up your deployment.

Back when we were going through a deployment in Germany, a friend and I would let each other know when we needed a “steak night.” That meant, going to one of our houses, ordering pizza for the kids, and making ourselves a nice steak dinner.

It was a way to stay busy, spend time with friends, and that helped so much with the loneliness both of us were feeling.

What do you do when you are starting to feel lonely during a deployment?

When It Feels Like Military Life Isn’t Fair

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Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t. One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

What on earth was I thinking???

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation.

Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of it. We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to and it took a while to figure out why that was happening.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. It really just depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule.

And this is another reason why you really never know what you signed up for. You can never really see how military life is going to pan out. You just have to “buckle your seat belt” and get ready for the ride.

You have to hope for the best while also preparing for the worst. And that isn’t always easy to do.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening, and what I need to do to prepare.

Military life makes this hard sometimes.

You might get little notice for something. Some people move with just a few weeks notice. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that it is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best as you can.

Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

In November, I will hit 15 years of being a military spouse. 15 years! That seems so hard to believe sometimes, other times…it feels like I have been living this life so much longer.

Some years are easier than others. Some years have more separations than others. Some years just feel so much more difficult than others.

But there have also been so many good memories over the years. I have met so many amazing people. I am thankful for all that I have been able to experience from this life.

Often times it can feel like military life is dragging us down. That we would be so much better off if our spouse found another career. That we shouldn’t even be in this position or that we are not strong enough to make it through.

But I think one of the things that helps through all of this is knowing that you are not going through any of this alone. That there are other military spouses who have been through it all too. And that we can all learn from one another.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the children, of comforting sad kids that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have had to tell my children that our vacation was canceled because their dad got called up to go somewhere for a few weeks instead.

I have been through it and although it made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and issues are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down…

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict…

Because life as a military spouse can be so full of surprises, and some of those can knock you off your feet.

So if you as a Military spouse need to cry and vent, if you need to go home for a while, if you need to see a counselor, if you just need a friend who gets it, I understand. I totally understand. I have been there.

We have each other to lean on, we have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with, and we have each other to get through this life with.

And although some days are harder than others, the truth is, we all fell in love with someone who wants to serve their country. And deep down we know that this is where we are supposed to be.

How long have you been a military spouse?