Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military

No, Your Military Man Doesn’t Need Money For Food

by

No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

As a military spouse blogger, I get emails or messages from military girlfriends that are a little concerned about the military service member they are dating. There is something about the relationship that doesn’t sit right with them. Their gut is telling them something, and something just doesn’t feel 100% right.

The situation is usually that a woman has met someone online. This by itself isn’t strange in this day and age. A lot of people meet online, and many happy and successful marriages and relationships result from doing so, both in and out of the military.

But in this case, after meeting online, the woman is sent photos of a service member. She is led to believe she is now talking with or dating a member of the US military. They might have a name, backstory, and a history of military service.

Then, at some point, the service member asks her for money.

This is where things get tricky…

He might say the money is for food, or to take leave. There are many different reasons they might give. The problem with this is that someone who serves in the US military doesn’t need food for money or to take leave. This is provided for them.

No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

When my husband was deployed, he might have needed money for things like the internet, fun items, etc. But never for regular meals. The military provides those. The military paid for and sent him home on leave, I didn’t have to send anyone money to do so.

The scam works in different ways, but these “service members” want you, the unsuspecting girlfriend to send them money, or to even send money to a service. The amount they are asking for blows me away. It’s not just $10 here or there but into the hundreds or thousands.

If a woman gives into this scam, not only will she be out the money but also heartbroken over finding out that what they felt was a real relationship, really wasn’t.

Like I said before, there are honest and real service members out there, and some amazing relationships that have started from online dating. But there are also scammers and people who will lie and fake their way into getting what they want.

The online world is amazing but can allow people to take advantage of others. Learn how to protect yourself and stay away from the scammers!

  • If something seems off, it probably is. Trust your gut.
  • Don’t give money to anyone you don’t 100% trust. Especially if they keep asking. Especially if they are asking for thousands of dollars.
  • Remember, they don’t need money for food. They don’t need money to be sent home from a deployment. They don’t need money for a vaccine. They don’t need money to ship their belongings home.
  • A deployment doesn’t last years and years. If the person you are talking to is active duty, they should have a duty station, and then deploy different places. They would not be deployed for years and years, to anywhere. It just doesn’t work like that.
  • A commanding officer would never demand that they pay anything. They also will not talk with you about sending money.
  • If they refuse to video chat, even after you have been dating for a while, that can be a huge red flag. Even if they do talk to you on the phone.

The truth is these types of scammers try really hard to convince you that they are who they say they are. They steal photos of real service members. They try to use the right type of military lingo. But in the end, something is really off. Remember, if it seems sketchy, it probably is. Protect yourself and your money.

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

by

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

There is something about a military spouse friendship. We can be there for one another through all of our military challenges. From deployments to pcsing, friends will make this life easier.

Sometimes finding friends can take a long time, sometimes it happens right away. Here are some memes all about military spouse friendship. Enjoy!

Military friendships

I don’t like to say goodbye, I like to say see you later. It’s an easier thing to say.

Military friendships

I love how we can meet and connect with others from all over the world during our time as a military spouse!

Military friendships

One thing is clear, you will always have your memories.
Even if you don’t see your friends for a while, you always have the moments you spent together.

Military friendships

Our friends will probably be from all over but that’s the best part. We can learn from one another’s experiences and share our own.

Military friendships

Yes! We always need people we can be free to vent to about the deployment. We know we would do the same for them.

Military friendships

Sometimes when you or your friend move, you will never live near each other again. But good friends, you stay together, even if you are no longer in the same time zone.

Military friendships

Finding a good friend can change everything!

Military friendships

#4, calling a good friend can be a great thing to do during a bad deployment day!

Military friendships

That would be the best! Your spent 2008-2011 together in Italy and now you will spend 2017-2019 together in California. Thank you Military!

Military friendships

Keep putting yourself out there. You will eventually meet some good people to connect with.

Military friendships

Being kind is a must. It makes you a good friend.

Military friendships

This couldn’t be truer; friends are lucky to have.

Military friendships

Sometimes it is hard to put yourself out there. Keep doing so. You never know who you might meet.

Here are some posts on friendship as a military spouse…

What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station!

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends When You Are A Military Spouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

by 2 Comments

I remember the day well. My mom was watching my 18-month-old son and I was waiting at my apartment for the movers to come. It was moving day for our very first PCS. We were headed to Germany and the day had finally come for the movers to start packing up all of our belongings overseas. It would be about six weeks before we would see our stuff again.

I was not a stranger to moving. By this point, I had probably moved about 12 or 13 times in my life, most of them before having kids or even being married. I would take a few weeks to pack up my stuff and then friends would come over and help me move. Then I would spend a few weeks unpacking.

This was different. We were moving to a new country and the Army was going to do it for us. I would not have to pack up all of my stuff. I would not have to look for boxes. I would have movers come over to my house and do it for me. Bliss.

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS

We have done two military moves and a move of our own since then. Moving is for the birds! I would rather not but as a military family you sometimes don’t have a choice. You will pcs and you might do so every 3 years or so.

There is a lot of stress associated with a PCS. You will have a lot to do and a lot to decide about. You will need to see if you want to do a DITY move or have the military move you. People are divided on this. Some want to do the move themselves, others don’t mind if the military does it for them. After moving myself so many times in my life I would always be happy for the military to move me. We have always had a good experience. That being said, not everyone does. There are reports of things being damaged, things being lost and things being stolen. You really have to decide what you want to do and what you can deal with.

After deciding how you actually want to move, you have to do all the rest of the things to get ready for your PCS. You need to plan, even if you are not a planner. You need to know what is going on and what dates things need to happen.

Here are 21 tips for a better military PCS:

1. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t want or don’t use. Plan a day or two to go through your whole house and donate or sell as much as you can. You don’t want to go over your weight limit. We did once and had to pay about $250 for that mistake.

2. Feed the movers. If you have movers, make sure to offer them food and water. They will usually appreciate it. We did have movers once that didn’t want the pizza we got for them but they did love the Oreos so you never know.

3. Prepare to be without your stuff. When we moved 2 hours away we only had to be without our stuff for a few days but overseas moves can take six weeks or even longer. Sometimes moves within the US take time too. And there could be reasons why your stuff will need to be stored for a while. Make plans for this. Especially if you have kids. There are certain things they will need.

4. Label everything. It’s a good idea to label which room everything goes in. Some people get really into this and color code every room. I love this idea. That makes it so much easier to unpack later on. You can put notes up where you want your things so they end up in the right spot. If you want you can also have them put together your furniture such as beds and dressers. This will save you a lot of time.

5. Make a binder.You should have a binder or folder with everything you need for your move. You should keep your to-do lists in there as well as any important documents. You want to have everything with you at all times, no matter where you are moving to.

6. Put aside what you don’t want to be packed. Make sure to clear out one room and put all the things you don’t want to be packed in that room. Then lock the door. That way the movers can’t accidentally pack anything.

7. Save money. Save as much as you think you will need and double that amount. No really. Moving always costs more than you think it will, even if it is a military move. You will need to eat out more often, you will need to buy things at your new place, you will need to have that extra in your bank account.

8. Take the important stuff with you. If you are driving to your new duty station, take all your most important things with you in the car. When we moved overseas it was a bit harder to do this and I was so worried about a few things but if you can take them in a car, do so. Then you know they will be safe.

9. Take a House-Hunting trip. If you can, go out to your new duty station for a house hunting trip. It is so helpful to be able to see where you might live in person first. If you can’t do this and you know people at your next duty station, see if they wouldn’t mind going by potential places and taking photos for you. That way you can get a better sense of your choices. Sometimes you don’t get a chance to look until you actually get there.

10. Take photos before movers come. Take photos of everything important before the movers get there. That way, if there is any damage you have a record of what it looked like before the movers came.

11. Research schools. One mistake we made moving here is we did not double check on which school our house was zoned for. In some areas, the most logical school isn’t always the correct one. Even though there was a school in the neighborhood we were renting in, we were zoned for another one.

12. Rent vs Buy vs On post. You will probably have to decide if you want to rent, buy a home or live on post at your new duty station. Sometimes you have to live on post as there is no off-post housing. Other times on post is booked so you have to go off. You should think about if you should buy a house or not and base that on if you want the responsibility or if buy a house makes sense for your situation.

PCSIng

13. Empty your trash. If you don’t, the movers will pack it. Trust me, they will. And who wants to find 6-week-old trash in their new home?

14. Have someone watch your kids. If you can, have someone watch your kids when the movers come. This will make life easier for you, especially if you have toddlers. You can watch the movers and just chill and not have to worry about kids getting in the way. If you do have to have your kids home, keep them in a separate cleared out room while the movers are doing their thing.

15. Book your hotel. Once you know when you will be getting into town, book your hotel. That way you won’t have to worry about having a place to stay.

16. Use good materials. If you are moving yourselves, use the good stuff. You don’t want your boxes falling apart on you.

17. Keep all bedding together. That way when it is time to get your new bed set up, everything you need is all right there. You don’t have to go searching for it.

18. Don’t go crazy at your new duty station, especially coming back from overseas. When we first got to Ft. Campbell from Germany we wanted to go to all the places we had missed. This adds up and you simply can’t afford to do this. Remember, you will be at your new duty station for a while, you don’t have to see and do everything that first week.

19. Ship your car. If you will be shipping your car, make sure you understand what they want you to do to get the car ready to ship. The car needs to be very clean with very little gas. I have heard of people having to drive around the shipping location to get the gas amount low enough to turn in.

20. Plan for your pets. If you are taking pets with you on a PCS, make sure you plan for them too. Think about how they will get to your new location and what you will need to do. If you are going overseas shipping them can be complicated but people do PCS overseas with their pets. You can too if your location allows for you to do so.

21. Enjoy the journey. It is way too easy to get stressed out about a PCS and you will probably break down in tears a few times. Think about where you are headed and what the experience has been like for you. Think about all the memories you have made at your current location and all the fun things you can do at your new duty station. As hard as a PCS is, as difficult as the process might be, you will get to your new duty station and be able to enjoy your new home.

You can learn more about the area you are moving or find a realtor by checking out PCSGrades. They are such a great resource for anyone that is PCSing and getting ready to move to their next duty station.

Are you getting ready for a PCS? What would you add to this list?

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

by

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

America, home of the free, because of the brave. This is something we see all over the place. We find this phrase on t-shirts, on banners, and on websites. We say in our Facebook posts, to our family members, and think about what the phrase means when we do.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

To me, this reminds us that we are a free society. I can be a Christian, my neighbor can be a Muslim, and we both have rights in this country. We can worship as we like. We don’t have to conform to a state religion. We don’t have to worship anyone we don’t want to worship.

We are free to pursue our happiness, to not be arrested for talking bad about the President, and to be able to speak out against things we don’t agree with. No one will round us up for that.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

This means that others have come before us to make sure that we have the freedoms we do. Whether they fought against the English in the 1700s, fought against injustice in the world in the 1940s, or fought against terrorism in the middle east in more recent times.

As a military spouse, I look at my husband and all the others who have come before him. The men and women who are the ones who have helped keep our country free. Those that gave up part of their own life, or all of their own lives for us to be able to live our lives the way that we do.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

Being brave isn’t easy. When I think about how brave people in history had to be, it takes my breath away. To stand and fight for a cause and to not know what would happen. To know that they could lose their own lives for that cause and while doing so would make this world a better place, they would not be able to see it happen.

To be brave not only for today but for future generations. To be brave in the face of evil. To give up what others can’t. To stand proud for a country. To stand proud for doing the right thing.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

As America looks to the future, I hope that all of us can work toward the best interests of those living in our country. From sea to shining sea I hope that good things come out of any hardships and that those that continue to serve in any way are always respected.

I hope that every year we can remember what we have been through and where we have been. That we can remember those that came before and look to the heroes of the future who will continue to do good for the benefit of our country.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

I know this means sacrifice. I know this means more pain for some people. But I know that bravery is never a bad thing and that I am thankful for those who have been brave to help our country.

Whether they signed up for military service, whether they work tirelessly in our local communities, or whether they take a stand for liberty and justice for all in all the different ways than at American can.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

What Memorial Day is All About

by

What Memorial Day is All About

What Memorial Day is All About

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“A hero is someone who has given his of her life to something bigger than oneself.” — Joseph Campbell

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“These fallen heroes represent the character of a nation who has a long history of patriotism and honor – and a nation who has fought many battles to keep our country free from threats of terror.” — Michael N. Castle

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” — John F. Kennedy

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Each of the patriots whom we remember on this day was first a beloved son or daughter, a brother or sister, or a spouse, friend, and neighbor.” — George H. W. Bush

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“It was the transcendent fortitude and steadfastness of these men who in adversity and in suffering through the darkest hour of our history held faithful to an ideal. Here men endured that a nation might live.” — Herbert Hoover

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice.” — Barack Obama

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.” — Harry S. Truman

Memorial Day

“Looking across this field, we see the scale of heroism and sacrifice. All who are buried here understood their duty. All stood to protect America. And all carried with them memories of a family that they hoped to keep safe by their sacrifice.” — George W. Bush

May we always remember those who have given up everything in order for the rest of us to stay free…

What Memorial Day Really Means to the Military Community

by Leave a Comment

What Memorial Day Really Means For the Military Community

Memorial Day…a day for a BBQ, spending time in the pool, or an extra day off work?

Yes, but…

For the Military community, Memorial Day is a little different.

We do have BBQs, and we do spend time in the pool and have an extra day off work, but we also remember those who have lost their lives, in a very personal way.

Each of us knows a Gold Star family. I know many of them personally. Friends who became widows during our past deployments, friends who have received that knock on the door, friends who will never be the same.

They are who I think about on this day.

  • I think about how we all said goodbye to our husbands together, yet some did not return.
  • I think about my husband telling a fellow soldier what it was like to be a Dad, only to have that soldier lose his life the very next day. His wife was pregnant with their first baby.
  • I think about reading that email about the soldier who died and realizing I knew that last name. The name belonged to a friend of mine.
  • I think about hearing my husband talk about his buddy. How they had a lot in common. How he was a family guy too. And then receiving a phone call while I was in Vienna of all places, that he had also been killed in action.
  • I think about the fence outside the elementary school in Germany with the photos of those who we had lost during that long 15-month deployment.
  • I think about the little children that will never know their own fathers because they died before they were old enough to be able to remember them.
  • I think about the older children that still feel the loss so greatly years later.
  • I think about the Moms sending their children off to war only to get the knock on the door that they were not coming home.
  • I think about the end of a Memorial service when they call for the soldier and he does not answer. I think about how heartbreaking that really is.
  • I think about the table that sits empty at every Military Ball.

This is what Memorial Day means to the military community. We can’t help it. As a Military spouse, I have experienced all of this, and so have so many others.

Memorial Day is real life, not just something that happened 50 years ago. Memorial Day hits us hard, in so many different ways. Memorial Day is a time to reflect and remember, and mourn for those who have paid the ultimate price.

So when you are enjoying your day off, enjoying a BBQ, spending time with your family and friends, please remember the Gold Star families who are missing someone.

Remember what they have been through and what they have given up.

Say a prayer and remember that freedom is just not free. Freedom always comes with a cost.

The Day Before They Deploy

by

The Day Before They Deploy

I wrote this post a day before my husband left on his 4th deployment. No OPSEC rules have been broken.

This is the last day. How did this happen so fast? The deployment was coming up for so long and now the day is almost here. He is at work. They have him at work the day before he goes. Why Army why? You get him for the next nine months, why can’t I have him all day today?

I just want to freeze time…but then I don’t. I want time to move forward, but I don’t want to have to spend all that time without him.

Nine months. Maybe more. Maybe less. I will take each day at a time, each hour if I have to.

Some days will be good. We will have fun. We won’t miss him quite as much. Other days will be hard. There will be a lot of tears. Homecoming will feel so far away.

Will he be ok? Will we see him again? These are the questions I have to ask. I have to. Not everyone comes home from war. Most likely he will. The odds are in our favor. But still…I wonder. Is this it? Is this all we have?

I dread tomorrow. D day. The day he leaves.

The driving to drop him off. The last kiss. The last hug. Watching the person I tell everything to walk away is heartbreaking. Knowing they will be in danger is terrifying. Thinking about living apart makes me bawl.

Deployment #4. How did we get here? How is it possible? It hasn’t even been TWO years yet. Uh!

So many emotions. So many feelings.

I dread the first day. Walking around the house, looking at his stuff. From the coffeemaker he won’t be using for a while to his clothes that won’t be worn until next year. Remembering how the night before he left we sat together and watched that one movie, how just a couple of days ago we were out back BBQing together and how last year at this time we were getting ready for a family trip to California.

I think about how much he will miss.

Summer. The start of school. Birthdays. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. All that comes with the holiday season. The snow might come, and he will still be over there.

I think about what I will focus on to get me through. My boys. My blog. My garden. My books.

I wonder how much I will grow as a person. I wonder how much he will grow.

How will we be different? Will we struggle to connect again? Will this be the deployment that breaks us?

As I sit here, the day before my husband has to go, all I can feel is dread. Knowing that this time tomorrow I will be in tears. But also knowing that this time tomorrow is one day closer to him returning and our countdown can begin.

Have you just started a deployment? If so, check out my other blog posts on deployment and make sure to join my Facebook support group.

To Love a Soldier

by

To Love a Soldier

To Love a Soldier

To love a soldier means to stand by him or her as they put on the uniform and commit to serving our country.

To love a soldier means wiping the tears away and promising to love them no matter how many miles away they must go.

To love a soldier means not understanding why things take so long or why things change so much.

To love a soldier means finding others that love soldiers and making friendships that last a lifetime.

To love a soldier means loving a man or woman in uniform, wherever their career might take them.

To love a soldier means temporarily fulfilling the role of both mom and dad and being the default parent that your children know will always be with them.

To Love a Soldier

To love a soldier means having to explain to your child why their daddy had to miss another birthday.

To love a soldier means being a part of history as a spouse that stood by while their loved one fought for freedom.

To love a soldier means we have something in common with others that have loved their service member through our country’s wars as well as peacetime.

To love a soldier means that we grow stronger as the years go by because we have dealt with realities others have not.

To love a soldier puts the words from our wedding, “in sickness and in health” front and center as we try to understand and help those coming home from war.

To love a soldier means being a military spouse, supporting our spouse and being part of an incredible group of men and women who are doing the same.

I love my soldier and the life we have created together. Through living overseas, multiple deployments and the twists and turns that this military journey has given us.

Whether you love a soldier or a service member of another branch, you know what this life is like. You know how hard this life can be, but you stand by them because you love them and that is the basis for getting through anything military life throws at you.

How long have you been a military spouse?