Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends as a Military Spouse

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You are new to your duty station, you don’t know anyone, and your spouse is going to deploy sometime in the next few months. Where do you go to make friends? What can you do to find them? How can you be part of this military community everyone talks about? How can you make friends as a military spouse?

Finding new friends can be difficult when you first move to a new place. You can live somewhere for a while and still not fit in. You could be shy and find meeting new people difficult. So what do you do?

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends as a Military Spouse

Here are 10 ideas to help you make friends as a military spouse:

Your FRG-The FRG is either going to be really good or really bad, but you don’t know until you try. So go once, see what things are like. Maybe the FRG needs you to help make it a better place. There can be something great about connecting with the spouses of those your own spouse is going to be working with.

Other times, there just might be too much drama. That happens, especially during deployments. But make yourself try the FRG out. You never know what you might experience or who you might meet when you go.

Your Neighborhood- Your neighbors can become your friends. Reach out if you can and join your neighborhood Facebook page. See if you can meet some other people who are in your stage of life. This might be easier if you have kids old enough to go out and play with other kids in your area.

You can also meet people through them. Smile at people as they walk by, and be a friendly, good neighbor. Knowing people who live near you is a good idea. They can watch out for your home when you are away, and you can be there for them.

Bible Study- If you are religious, seek out a bible study. Most military installations have a PWOC or other similar groups. These places are a time to study the Bible and get to know other military spouses. Overseas, my PWOC group was a lifesaver. You can also find bible studies off-post within your local community. That is also a good way to meet other non-military friends in your community.

MomCo– MomCo, formally, MOPS, is a great program, and they do have some military programs. These are free and are located at the base chapel. You might also find MomCo in your community off-post. Those will have an annual fee. These types of groups can be a great way to meet new people, other moms who have children the same age as yours.

Sports teams– Sports is a great way to get to know others. Either sign your children up for a team or play a sport yourself. Look and see what is going on in your area. Even swim lessons is a great way to make a new friend.

You all have to sit and watch your kids, and in a lot of cases, you can’t help but talk to someone new while you are there watching your kids swim or play a sport. Finding an adult team is a great idea if you are into sports because you can do something you love and make new friends while you are doing so.

Playgroups- If you have kids, you have to join a playgroup. They are such a good way to make friends as a military spouse, and even if you don’t, a way for your kids to make friends and be social. They can be a good way to get out there and break up the day.

Some playgroups are put on by an organization, others are hosted by a mom, and she invites people to her home. Figure out what is in your area. If you only know a couple of people, invite them over to play and have them invite some friends.

Book Club– I love books. I read so much. So when I heard about a local book club, I joined it. We got to talk about books. It was wonderful. Do you love books too? Join a book club. You will be able to meet people to talk about books with. Which is one of the best things.

Restaurant Club- When we were in Germany, there was a club that met once a month at a new restaurant. This was a great way to learn more about our area and food options but I was also able to connect with other spouses and get to know them. I am sure they do have these types of groups other places as well.

Volunteering- If you are still not sure how to make friends, try volunteering. It’s another great way to make friends as a military spouse. There are a lot of chances for that on post as well as off. You can do a one-day or one-week type of event, or volunteer long-term. Doing so will allow you to give back to the community, keep busy, and make some friends. The more you do it, the more people you will meet. The best part is, there are so many different ways you can volunteer in a military community.

Bunco- If you ever get invited to a Bunco group, go. This game is so much fun, and because of the way you play it, you have to talk to new people. You are moving from table to table, and it is a great way to feel connected to other people in your community.

Have you found ways to make friends as a military spouse? What is the hardest part of doing so?

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

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10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

Life as a military spouse has taught me so much over the years! When I first became a military spouse, I had no idea how much this life would change me. Over the years, through deployments, moves, and everything in between, I’ve learned lessons I never expected, but ones I will carry for the rest of my life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

Life as a military spouse can be surprising

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like you’re no longer. That’s okay, though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

Life as a military spouse could look different for each person

  • How one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows that portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

During your life as a military spouse, you could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your life as a military spouse?

Military Spouse Social Media: Navigating Motherhood and Connection

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As a military spouse, social media often becomes more than just scrolling; it’s how we stay connected during deployments, moves, and long-distance friendships. This guest post explores the different ways moms can use social media to connect with others, a must as military spouses.

Living so far from our loved ones, having our spouse have to “live in our phones” for periods of time, and trying to balance it all together during the craziness of military life is a lot to take on. We want to find the right balance with social media, but it can be hard.

Enjoy this post all about motherhood and the different ways we can use social media to stay in touch.

Motherhood and Social Media

Before the advent of Facebook, Pinterest, and various other social media tools, motherhood was, in some ways, a much more isolating experience. Of course, before social media, mothers may have had email, phone calls, and in-person visits. But social media and tools like smartphones and web cams bring your friends and family right into your living room, regardless of location, and allow them to experience your child’s growth up close and personal. These days, moms can keep in touch with friends and family like never before.

Social Media Brings Moms Together

Social media serves another important purpose: it brings moms together and makes geography nearly irrelevant. You adopted your child from China? There is a Facebook page or blog dedicated to that where you can connect with other moms with children adopted from China and share your experiences, ask questions, and make friends. Ditto for many other motherhood experiences. The internet and social media help us stay connected and meet others of like minds or experiences. This can be immensely reassuring when you are faced with a motherhood dilemma outside your previous experience.

Here are some of the most common social media tools I have found useful and some that many of my friends who are moms love to use:

Facebook is the Place

Military spouses and social media go hand in hand. And Facebook is one of the places we go. Although there are concerns that Facebook’s popularity is declining among teens, every mom I know uses it regularly. We post pictures of our kids, updates on our lives, questions about events at school and where to find a good pediatric dentist. It is a great tool for keeping up with both local friends and family and those who live far away.

You should be aware that Facebook is notorious for constantly changing its privacy settings without informing users.  Therefore, I never post anything on Facebook that is sensitive or private. You really can’t be absolutely sure who might see your post. Also, Facebook has had the tendency in the past to ban breast-feeding photos and sometimes delete those users’ accounts, so while it is your right to post these types of family photos, the network has shown a strange intolerance to them, so beware.

That said, I love keeping up with what my friend in Spain is doing and her daughter’s activities, as well as making plans with my neighborhood friends for a barbecue.  I also belong to a Facebook group of moms with multiples, and we talk about parenting issues specific to having twins or triplets.

Pinterest is a Fun Choice

Need an idea for a snack to serve for a toddler birthday party? Looking for an age-appropriate educational activity? How about nursery decorating ideas? That and more can be found on Pinterest by pinning photos and ideas of people you know and people you don’t. Along the way you can learn lots of interesting things about your friends. One of my friends has a prolific collection of dessert recipes – all involving chocolate. Another is obsessed with bookshelves of every shape and dimension. Another I can always count on for great appetizer ideas.

Instagram For Your Photos and Videos

Love photos? Instagram lets you tap into your inner photographer and view others’ photos. You can also share them on Facebook and other social media sites. It is an opportunity to showcase your life in photos for friends and family to see, but the profiles are public, so everyone else can see, too. You can also post short videos as Reels.

Email and Texting Still Works

Don’t care to share your whole life with the masses, or even just your online friends? It’s a valid concern – many sites have little to no security settings, so there is really no way to ensure that what you post stays within your circle of family and friends. Emailing and texting, now considered old-school, aren’t completely foolproof, but you have a reasonable expectation that your rant to your best friend about not getting any sleep and the lack of privacy while pumping at work will be seen only by her.

What was parenthood before social media? It was a lot more private, and really, there is no substitute for in-person visits, but when that isn’t possible, social media can be the next best thing. It also opens up so many parenting resources and avenues for creativity, information and validation. It’s a way for friends and family outside your local circle to see your kids grow up, and to me, that is pretty amazing.

This guest post is by a SmartMom Contributor. SmartMom is an easy way to receive fast answers to all of your parenting questions from the convenience of your mobile device.  We’re launching in the app store soon – Visit our website http://smartmom.co for early access! 

 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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I had the pleasure of sitting down for a Zoom interview with my guest writer, Katie McDonald. Enjoy!

While Julie is known for her popular blog, Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, her marriage started out as a civilian one. Her husband, Ben, was in the Army for two years, but had been out for a couple of years already when they met and quickly fell in love in Northern California. They were married in 2002, had their first son in 2004, and moved to Kentucky the following year.

Julie was a stay-at-home mom, and Ben was working various jobs. However, this lifestyle wasn’t working for their family, so they considered easing back into military life with the Reserves. However, it wasn’t a good fit, and Julie “couldn’t imagine [him] just being gone.” Months later, Ben ultimately decided to re-enlist in the Army as an active-duty soldier, and their entire world would be turned on its head. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Major Life Change

Julie and Ben assumed that he would need to redo basic training and that a cross-country or international move would be months away. However, they were shockingly told that Ben would be moving to Germany in just two weeks, and their lives completely changed overnight. Because Ben’s move was right before Thanksgiving, the logistics of having Julie and their son join him were complicated by holiday delays. Julie joked that “waiting on paperwork” was “a good introduction to military life,” but after finally receiving command sponsorship and their tourist passports, she and her 18-month-old son were able to fly to Germany. 

Military life was a bit of a culture shock for Julie. While she had grown up in Southern California near two Marine Corps bases, she was not used to living overseas or preparing for deployments. Shortly after becoming pregnant with their second son, Ben received orders to deploy, and he left when she was 25 weeks pregnant. Julie’s mom, thankfully, was able to support her for two months leading up to and after the delivery; given the uncertainty surrounding Ben’s timeline, this was a huge blessing for Julie’s growing family. 

Visit the Military Spouse Spotlight Page!

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Julie gave birth in the middle of December, and while her husband was sent home that same day, it took him three days to arrive and meet their new son. He had only two weeks of R&R to bond with his growing family, and his entire brigade was postponed several times when he returned to Iraq. As a result, he didn’t see his wife and children again for almost a year during a difficult 15-month deployment. 

Julie remembers the high casualty rates that deeply impacted their small base. “Every spouse was going through it,” she said. “In a lot of ways, it was comforting to have those spouses to go through it with.” She misses the community mentality of helping each other out through their shared seasons of stress, uncertainty, and loneliness. 

Finding the Bright Spots

In the month after the deployment, they went back to California for a month to spend time with family, and while she dreaded the idea of returning to the stresses of Germany, she did go back. In an unexpected stroke of good fortune, some of the brigade moved to another post in Germany a couple of months later, and Julie’s perspective shifted when she saw their brand-new government-leased housing. “I cried because it was so much nicer than our stairwell apartment,” she remembered, and she began to feel more optimistic. 

While her husband was away on another deployment, Julie was determined to keep herself busy. She and her close friend both had young children and wanted to take advantage of the affordable Space A flights to spend the summer with their families. While it wasn’t always smooth sailing and there were plenty of unexpected bumps in the road (from unavailable lodging to canceled flights), Julie was able to successfully travel back to California to spend time with her and her husband’s families, with a two- and four-year-old in tow. “I’m so glad I had that adventure,” Julie said. “Military spouses need to have adventures.” 

The Power of the Pen 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

When Julie returned to Germany, there was still time left in the deployment, and she was determined to keep her mind busy. She had read a friend’s homeschool-focused blog and was inspired to share her own stories and experiences. The blog was originally called Julie the Army Wife, and her first post was about what to wear to a military Homecoming.

She renamed the blog so it wouldn’t be focused solely on her experiences and perspective, and was pleasantly surprised by the attention and positive reception her work received. “I had never thought about being a writer as a job,” Julie admitted, but her first full-time writing job was an unexpected and hard-earned blessing in 2017. With three children, two with special needs, Julie was unable to work outside of the house, so being able to write for a living from home has been a game-changer for her. She currently works as a content specialist and reflected that “this is really cool that me being bored in Germany led to this.” 

Julie says that her blog is what her past self would have needed, and she believes that “every situation you go through is a chance to help someone in the future.” Describing her blog as her “fourth baby,” she is proud of all the growth it’s experienced. Because her husband has retired, she is actively seeking active-duty spouses to share their stories to keep the perspectives fresh. 

Blogging, however, has not been without its difficulties. “Not everyone is kind and appreciates it,” she admitted, but she reminds herself how many people are benefiting from the stories she shares. For any spouses who want to share their stories, Julie wants you to remember that “no matter what you’re posting, someone might not like it,” but that shouldn’t stop you from using your voice. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Changes Continue 

After their time in Germany, Julie and her family moved to Fort Campbell in 2010 and have since settled in and stayed in the community. At the time of their move, their children were three and five years old, and it was a challenge to adjust to cultural differences, keep two young children busy, and manage her third pregnancy. 

Her husband’s fourth deployment was the hardest because of the toll of solo parenting. Their middle son had just been diagnosed with autism, and supporting him alone was challenging. On their first day without Ben, one of her sons got a rock stuck in his ear at Boy Scout camp. On top of managing her young children in the emergency room, the air conditioning at their home gave out on the same day. The stress of the deployment “literally broke me,” Julie said, and she sought out a therapist. 

Seeking Help 

There’s a mentality in the military spouse community that “you have to just do it and suck it up,” but Julie knows from experience that sometimes it’s just too hard to do it all alone and without support. If it’s too much, she encourages spouses to see a therapist or go home for a few months. “We need each other; what we’re going through is really hard,” Julie says. Community support is of the utmost importance, especially during deployments. 

Julie also believes that having regular, scheduled activities to keep yourself and your kids busy is crucial. For example, Julie suggested having a Friday pizza night with other families or starting a book club.

While it’s easy to feel like there’s nothing to do or “start feeling like it’s always going to be like this,” you have the power to join a club, take your kids to the park, and to find something you can do on a regular basis that brings you purpose or joy. It’s all about your mentality and intentionality.

While it’s “easy to go once and never go back and it’s really easy to get discouraged,” Julie encouraged spouses to be consistent. For example, she took her kids to a play group every week. She shifted her mindset to focus on the positives of her kids having fun, and she believed that she would eventually meet people and make friends as well. “I encourage people to get creative, try new things, and don’t be afraid to get out of their comfort zone.” 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

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A military spouse will never understand

I have been married to a soldier for almost two decades now. When we met, he was no longer active duty and ended up re-joining the Army after we had been married three years. As much as I can stand by and support him, there are things that I will never understand. There are things that a military spouse can never understand.

I will never understand what it is like to say goodbye to my family, small children included, to put on the uniform and put myself in harm’s way.

I will never understand what it is like to go out on a mission, praying I will make it back to the FOB.

I will never understand the moments when I thought I might not make it home, and picturing how my spouse will react, and how she will tell the children.

I will never understand what it is like being home, yet feeling like I should be over there, that I have a duty to do.

A military spouse will never understand what it is like to actually be in the military

I will never understand what it is like to lose friends in battle, the same battle I was in.

As a military spouse, I can be there for my husband. I can listen to his stories, the good and the bad. I can listen to what he chooses to tell me.

But I know that he won’t tell me everything; I couldn’t even begin to understand. I know that being a soldier is something I can’t fully wrap my mind around, and I won’t try to pretend I get what it is like, because I don’t.

I can get through a deployment, and as hard as that might be, I am safe, in my home, in the United States. I don’t know what it is like to go through a deployment, in my uniform, protecting what I hold dear.

I can roll my eyes when I feel like the Army won’t make up its mind, but I also am not the one that may or may not have to say goodbye to my family for a year, depending on what the Army does decide to do in the end.

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I am not the one who misses what is going on back at home

I can be frustrated about my husband missing something, about him not being there, and not being able to get that time back but I am not the one who has to hear about the event second hand, who has to be okay with just photos and a video, and that feels the pain of what they have missed over the years.

I have never believed we should be debating who has it harder, the service member or the military spouse. Every person is different, every deployment is different. There is no way to weigh each other’s situations.

There is something a soldier goes through, something someone who has deployed has gone through, something about being in the military themselves that a military spouse won’t be able to understand.

But…

We can be a rock

We can be a rock, in an otherwise stormy life.

We can be a person our service member can always trust when it is hard to know who has their back.

We can support them, in the ways they need us to because we love them.

And when things get difficult for us, which they will, we can find ways to make it through, so that we can be there for them, through everything military life brings.

Some military spouses have served in the military, or maybe still do. There are many veterans out there who are now married to a service member themselves and have seen both sides. Some of my closest friends that I have made during this life are prior military. They, of course, have a different perspective on this than I do, a military spouse who has never served.

How long have you been a military spouse?

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Charlotte is a Coast Guard wife, mother, and doula, and she has dedicated her work to supporting military families throughout their prenatal, labor, and postpartum journeys. After her own traumatic birth experience and a difficult postpartum season, Charlotte recognized the importance of having an advocate and supporter, especially when deployments and far-away duty stations leave new and expecting mothers on their own. 

Desperate for Answers

Charlotte received her prenatal and postpartum care with civilian providers in Florida, and while she “thought my body would have known what to do…it’s not that simple.” She ended up with an emergency C-section because her heart rate was dropping, and her daughter was not tolerating Pitocin. She was separated from her daughter for 7 hours while she was taken to the NICU for additional care, and she sadly recalled that she “know[s] what it’s like to be left in an empty room alone.”

Her daughter ultimately had to stay in the NICU for four days, but Charlotte was frustrated by the minimal answers she received about her daughter’s condition from the medical team. She had to ask three times to speak with a doctor, and she felt that the answers she received from the nurses were surface-level. Similarly, she had to continuously ask for a lactation consultant. It was “a lot of advocating I didn’t expect to do freshly postpartum,” she said, and even with her husband present and her sister-in-law (who is a neonatologist) available to help, she felt herself struggling to find the answers she needed. 

Overall, she felt overwhelmed by her birth experience, and her postpartum days were marked by loneliness, frustration, and deep sadness. She recalled her first night home from the hospital and how she awoke to find an empty bassinet. She freaked out because she forgot that her daughter was still in the NICU. To this day, Charlotte doesn’t have answers to many of her questions about her traumatic birth and recovery, and she’s gone through a lot of therapy to process and heal from the experience.

Feeling Alone and Finding a Lifeline

After her daughter was able to come home, Charlotte felt “crazy” and didn’t leave the house for six months. She found it hard to talk to people about what she was going through because of the unique struggles of military life. People tried to give her well-meaning advice, but Charlotte felt that many other moms “don’t get that experience…it’s not a normal job where your spouse can just take leave.”

Her husband had to go out to sea and split his paternity leave, and she recalled the difficulty of not having regular and easy contact with him. While she recognized it wasn’t her husband’s fault that he was gone during such a sensitive and critical time, she still felt upset, alone, and unsupported. While she had one friend come over to help, she felt that most people just wanted to see her baby rather than offer her the support and care she so desperately needed as a new mom. 

Additionally, she struggled with feelings of shame. She told herself, “Other moms had babies in the NICU for longer,” and because she felt that she wasn’t taken seriously at the hospital, she felt even worse. “I don’t know how I made it out of that,” she recalled, and credits her virtual support groups and therapist as being her “lifeline” during these difficult transitional months. 

Supporting Military Moms: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Desire to Give Back and Supporting Military Moms

Charlotte needed time to work on herself and heal, but she soon felt the need to give back. “Being a doula is my way to heal,” she says, and she is determined to help other women see that “birth can be beautiful even if it doesn’t go to plan.” She began doing virtual trainings in Florida when her daughter was a year old, and she completed her certification in births in Guam after their PCS. 

Guam has been a challenging and rewarding duty station for her as a doula because of the lack of maternity care resources, the distance many women are from their families, and the difficulties that deployments pose. She says that “holding space for all the feelings and all the emotions is sometimes what they [moms] need,” and she works to tailor her support to each client’s needs. For example, she can accompany women in person to their prenatal appointments or can join on speakerphone to help them feel less alone.

Making specialist appointments with Tricare can be a difficult and daunting process, and she works to advocate for and support women as they navigate the healthcare system. She helps women to draft questions before their appointments and gives them the space to vent if things don’t go according to plan. Her goal is to “help moms feel empowered to speak up.” After seeing the red flags in her own care and not knowing how to speak up, she works to ensure that women feel safe. 

She recently started a support group for new and expecting moms because she knows “how lonely it can be.” She said that being in a support group “really helped me to know I’m not crazy…knowing you’re not alone and have other moms you can lean on helps a lot because it can feel really isolating.” She also offers birth education classes because “the more you know, the more empowered you are.” She wants new moms to “feel like the choices they make are their own.” 

More Changes Ahead

After only a year in Guam, Charlotte’s husband received an opportunity to work in Puerto Rico. While Charlotte was in the midst of establishing her doula services in Guam, she is looking forward to her next steps after their move. She is interested in becoming a midwife so she can take a more hands-on approach to maternal care. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

When You Didn’t Expect to Become a Military Spouse and Now Here You Are

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spouse joins the military after marriage

When Your Spouse Joins the Military After Marriage

We were standing in a circle, and he was talking about his time in Egypt. I thought that was pretty amazing. I had only ever been to Mexico before, and this guy had been to Egypt. He also talked a bit about his time in the Army. I thought that was pretty cool, too. He had served for a few years in the late 90s. It was now 2001, and he had been home for quite a few years.

We started dating soon after that. I learned more about him and his time in the Army. He told me about being stationed at Ft Drum, his roommate, and his 6 months in Egypt.

In 2002, we got married.

In 2004, we had a baby and moved to Kentucky.

How Everything Changed After the Military

2005? Well, that changed everything. In November of 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the Army and everything changed.

You see, when we got married in 2002, I was marrying my husband, who had served in the Army. I didn’t marry an active duty soldier.

I know I am not alone. While plenty of military spouses married their spouses while they were serving, some of us did not. We had civilian weddings and years with a civilian spouse. For a lot of us, the first time our service member was away from us for an extended period of time was several years into our marriage.

My husband and I had been married for three years, three months, and about three days before he left for Germany, starting our military life adventure. When I think back to that time before the Army, I am amazed that life was like that. Back then, I didn’t know what it meant to go through a deployment. I couldn’t tell you what PCS, MWR, or DEERS were. I knew what a military installation was; I had been on one before, but I never saw it as my home.

Looking back, his re-joining the military made so much sense. The Army is a part of who he is. I married a soldier, and I didn’t even know it. The military was and is in his blood.

So to the military spouse who didn’t marry a service member, know that you actually did.

There was always a part of him or her that wanted to serve, even if they never talked about it. With your spouse joining the military, you will be starting a new chapter of your married life. You will look back at the pre-military years and feel how different they will be from the military ones. The years you have spent building up your marriage will help you through the deployments, through the moves, and all the challenges that come with military life.

To you, the idea of becoming a military spouse might feel pretty scary. You might never have imagined yourself going down this road. You might have assumed you would spend all of your married years just 20 minutes from where you grew up and now you’re headed to Germany.

So, if your spouse joins the military after marriage, things will change a lot from how you originally thought they would go. You might think they would get home from work every day at 5 pm, just like your dad did, and now you are learning what 24-hour duty is like. You might have pictured the love of your life by you for every birth, just like he was with your oldest child, realizing he won’t be home from his deployment until your second baby is four months old.

So, to you, military spouse, the military might not have been a part of your future plans, but being a military spouse is your life now, and there will be ups and downs.

There will be days your soldier walks through the door and seeing him in his uniform will take your breath away. There will be days when you get in the car to pick up your airman with butterflies you hadn’t felt since the week you met.

There will be days when you will miss your marine so much that you will laugh at the time you thought you were going to lose it because you visited your best friend and you were away from him for the weekend pre-military. There will be days when you will watch your sailor get promoted and know deep down that he is finally in the perfect career, even though it took years to figure that out.

When your spouse joins the military after marriage, you may feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. I know I certainly did. But you will not have to go through this life alone. There are a lot of other military spouses you can connect with both off and online. There is support out there and ways of dealing with the challenges of military life.

How long were you married before your spouse joined the military?

spouse joins the military after marriage

How to Get Ready for a Military PCS: 21 Tips That Actually Help

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How to Get Ready for a Military PCS: 21 Tips That Actually Help

Looking for military PCS tips? You have come to the right place!

I remember the day well. My mom was watching my 18-month-old son, and I was waiting at my apartment for the movers to come. It was moving day for our very first PCS. We were headed to Germany, and the day had finally come for the movers to start packing up all of our belongings overseas. It would be about six weeks before we would see our stuff again.

I was not a stranger to moving. By this point, I had probably moved about 12 or 13 times in my life, most of them before having kids or even being married. I would take a few weeks to pack up my stuff, and then friends would come over and help me move. Then I would spend a few weeks unpacking.

This was different. We were moving to a new country, and the Army was going to do it for us. I would not have to pack up all of my stuff. I would not have to look for boxes. I would have movers come over to my house and do it for me. Bliss.

Stress Tends to Come With a PCS

There is a lot of stress associated with a PCS. You will have a lot to do and a lot to decide about. You will need to decide whether to do a DITY move or have the military move you.

People are divided on this. Some want to do the move themselves, others don’t mind if the military does it for them. After moving myself so many times in my life, I would always be happy for the military to move me. We have always had a good experience.

That being said, not everyone does. There are reports of damage, loss, and theft. You really have to decide what you want to do and what you can deal with.

After deciding how you actually want to move, you have to do all the rest of the things to get ready for your PCS. You need to plan, even if you are not a planner. You need to know what is going on and what dates things need to happen.

Here are 21 military PCS tips for a better move:

1. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t want or don’t use. Plan a day or two to go through your whole house and donate or sell as much as you can. You don’t want to go over your weight limit. We did once and had to pay about $250 for that mistake.

2. Feed the movers. If you have movers, make sure to offer them food and water. They will usually appreciate it. We did have movers once that didn’t want the pizza we got for them, but they did love the Oreos, so you never know.

3. Prepare to be without your stuff. When we moved 2 hours away we only had to be without our stuff for a few days but overseas moves can take six weeks or even longer. Sometimes moves within the US take time too. And there could be reasons why your stuff will need to be stored for a while. Make plans for this. Especially if you have kids. There are certain things they will need.

Organization during a PCS is everything

4. Label everything. It’s a good idea to label which room everything goes in. Some people get really into this and color-code every room. I love this idea. That makes it so much easier to unpack later on. You can put notes up where you want your things so they end up in the right spot. If you want, you can also have them put together your furniture, such as beds and dressers. This will save you a lot of time.

5. Make a binder. You should have a binder or folder with everything you need for your move. You should keep your to-do lists in there as well as any important documents. You want to have everything with you at all times, no matter where you are moving to.

6. Put aside what you don’t want to be packed. Make sure to clear out one room and put all the things you don’t want to be packed in that room. Then lock the door. That way the movers can’t accidentally pack anything.

Money management during a deployment is important

7. Save money. Save as much as you think you will need and double that amount. No really. Moving always costs more than you think it will, even if it is a military move. You will need to eat out more often, you will need to buy things at your new place, you will need to have that extra in your bank account.

8. Take the important stuff with you. If you are driving to your new duty station, take all your most important things with you in the car. When we moved overseas it was a bit harder to do this and I was so worried about a few things but if you can take them in a car, do so. Then you know they will be safe.

9. Take a House-Hunting trip. If you can, go out to your new duty station for a house hunting trip. It is so helpful to be able to see where you might live in person first. If you can’t do this and you know people at your next duty station, see if they wouldn’t mind going by potential places and taking photos for you. That way you can get a better sense of your choices. Sometimes you don’t get a chance to look until you actually get there.

Research Research Research

10. Take photos before the movers come. Take photos of everything important before the movers get there. That way, if there is any damage, you have a record of what it looked like before the movers came.

11. Research schools. One mistake we made moving here is we did not double check on which school our house was zoned for. In some areas, the most logical school isn’t always the correct one. Even though there was a school in the neighborhood we were renting in, we were zoned for another one.

12. Rent vs Buy vs On post. You will probably have to decide if you want to rent, buy a home or live on post at your new duty station. Sometimes you have to live on post as there is no off-post housing. Other times on post is booked so you have to go off. You should think about if you should buy a house or not and base that on if you want the responsibility or if buy a house makes sense for your situation.

Don’t forget to empty your trash

13. Empty your trash. If you don’t, the movers will pack it. Trust me, they will. And who wants to find 6-week-old trash in their new home?

14. Have someone watch your kids. If you can, have someone watch your kids when the movers come. This will make life easier for you, especially if you have toddlers. You can watch the movers and just chill and not have to worry about kids getting in the way. If you do have to have your kids home, keep them in a separate, cleared-out room while the movers are doing their thing.

15. Book your hotel. Once you know when you will be getting into town, book your hotel. That way you won’t have to worry about having a place to stay.

16. Use good materials. If you are moving yourself, use the good stuff. You don’t want your boxes falling apart on you.

Watch yourself at your new duty station

17. Keep all bedding together. That way when it is time to get your new bed set up, everything you need is all right there. You don’t have to go searching for it.

18. Don’t go crazy at your new duty station, especially coming back from overseas. When we first got to Ft. Campbell from Germany we wanted to go to all the places we had missed. This adds up and you simply can’t afford to do this. Remember, you will be at your new duty station for a while, you don’t have to see and do everything that first week.

19. Ship your car. If you will be shipping your car, make sure you understand what they want you to do to get the car ready to ship. The car needs to be very clean with very little gas. I have heard of people having to drive around the shipping location to get the gas amount low enough to turn in.

20. Plan for your pets. If you are taking pets with you on a PCS, make sure you plan for them too. Think about how they will get to your new location and what you will need to do. If you are going overseas shipping them can be complicated but people do PCS overseas with their pets. You can too if your location allows or you to do so.

PCSing this year?

21. Enjoy the journey. It is way too easy to get stressed out about a PCS and you will probably break down in tears a few times. Think about where you are headed and what the experience has been like for you. Think about all the memories you have made at your current location and all the fun things you can do at your new duty station. As hard as a PCS is, as difficult as the process might be, you will get to your new duty station and be able to enjoy your new home.

Are you getting ready for a PCS? What would you add to this list?

21 Tips For A Better Military PCS