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Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

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Have you ever planned a vacation only to have to cancel or reschedule it because military dates changed?

Have you ever given birth when your husband was deployed because they simply wouldn’t send him home like you thought they might?

Have you ever wanted to be stationed close to home only for your spouse to get orders clear across the country?

Most military spouses have been through one or all of these disappointments not to mention others that can happen when you are a military spouse. Dates change, your spouse can’t always be around when you need them, and you don’t always get a choice in where you are going to live.

What can you do when disappointment hits? How can you turn things around to get to a better place? 

Shock

When met with disappointing news, you will probably be in shock. They say to “hope for the best, plan for the worst” and we know things might not work out the way we want them to, but we still hope that they do. And then when they don’t? We can’t believe we are hearing that news.

If you feel shocked when you realize things are not going to be the way you want them to be, you are not alone. It’s normal to feel this way at first. You had the hope of a better outcome, and now you have to start to accept your new reality, and that isn’t always easy to do.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Sadness

After shock comes the sadness. You are going to have to move to Alaska even though your family lives in FL. Your husband is going to deploy right before your 30th birthday. Your family trip to Walt Disney World will have to be postponed by six months.

You might need to take a moment to cry into your pillow. You are allowed to be sad about this; you are allowed to have those emotions. Let things out, call a friend and vent, have a good cry, and then move on to planning.

Planning

Every time I get some disappointing news because of my husband’s job, I eventually find myself coming up with a plan. I know that I will need to be creative to move forward. I will need to figure out a way to get through whatever it is I am dealing with.

If it is a matter of an unexpected deployment, I try to figure out what I can do during that deployment to stay as busy as I can, I think about how the deployment pay can help us, and I think about extra things I can do that I might not have time for if he wasn’t going to be deployed.

Being able to have a plan to deal with the disappointment will go a very long way in finding relief.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Relief

Relief happens when you get to a place where you feel like you can figure out a way forward. It might not always be easy, you might not always be happy about what happened, but you can figure out how to get through it.

If you assumed your husband would be at the birth of your first child and they are not, you are going to go through a wave of emotions about it. You will eventually figure out who you want with you because he can’t be. And then you will start to accept that this has to be your new normal. And with that comes the relief that you can, in fact, give birth without your husband. 

You Got This

Remember, you got this. Reach out to your friends, make plans, and figure out how to deal with disappointment in your military life.

Disappointments will happen in military life. They say to write all plans in pencil because all plans can change, no matter how close you are to the date they are supposed to happen. We as military spouse want to support our service members and getting to a place where we can move forward is a good way to do so.

What do you do to get over disappointment during military life?

The Military is Going to Disappoint You

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The Military is Going to Disappoint You

Making plans as a military spouse feels like gambling. Will we be able to go on that trip? Will we really move to that state next year? What will the next few years look like?

I learned pretty quickly that the military is going to disappoint you. Paperwork takes longer than it should, dates get changed, and you can be left feeling like your thoughts and desires don’t even matter.

Getting used to this isn’t easy and even 16 years in, I still feel that disappointment. I feel it when drill dates get changed last minute. I feel it when we have to cancel trips due to being called up. I feel it when I start to wonder if my husband will be deployed and if so for how long?

There are just so many unknown changes in military life.

I think we try to cling to things that seem so certain, even if they could actually change, even if we know they might do so. We want so badly to have a normal life, plan all the things, and have them actually happen. We want to feel like we have some type of control.

When we hear our spouse might be getting orders to a new duty station in California, we want to plan all the things. We want to figure out where to live and what schools our kids will go to. We want to start a bucket list and plan what we will do for fun. We want to start to apply for jobs and get that moving.

But then, the military changes its mind and we end up in another state or another country and have to start the process all over again. We get frustrated because even if we can come to terms with the moves, coming to terms with the changes associated with them can be more difficult.

The truth is, the military is going to disappoint you and often. And the best thing to do is figure out how to roll with these changes. Because they are going to keep coming.

The military is going to disappoint you because living a military life is a bit of a sacrifice. Your service member signed up to give these years to the government. And doing so means that the mission comes first. Even if it is frustrating or inconvenient for the family.

We joke about always writing our plans in pencil but maybe that is what we have to do to stay sane. We joke about Murphy but maybe we have to plan for that to happen, and a plan for what we should do if it does. We joke about “hurry up and wait” but maybe that is what we always have to have in our heads when it comes to anything military.

As military spouses, we have to work hard to establish ourselves even within the military world. Depending on where you are stationed and what your own dreams might be, this isn’t always easy. We might need to pivot and plan for a last-minute deployment, or other change we didn’t see coming.

As military spouses, we have to figure out ways to handle the disappointment that comes with all of this. Some of us might need to cry it out, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad over a disappointment. But then, we have to figure out how to move through the change, and what we can do to get back on track.

Having some good military spouse friends, either in person, online, or both can be a good way to handle some of what military life brings. Your military spouse friends have been there. And can be there to encourage you. To see the light in the tunnel, and to help you come up with a plan.

Having good systems in place so you are not left all alone and so that you do have a backup plan is important. Who will you call if something breaks in your house? Who will you go to if your childcare falls through? What will you do when you are having a bad day and just need to find a listening ear?

Having a good plan for those what-ifs of military life can go a long way in helping you through periods of time when the military disappoints you. You can plan for everything, and when you do, those plans can change but you can be prepared for what you might need in the future.

You can also try to use caution when it comes to certain things. Don’t plan out a PCS before the orders come. Don’t assume your spouse will be around for something in the future, they might not be. And yes, always use that pencil in your planner. That way you can pivot, change, and get through the disappointments that come with military life.

Spouse Spotlight: Mackenzie, The Simple Power of Bread

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This Military Spouse Spotlight is about a military spouse in Guam who is turning her hobbies into an amazing small business. Warning: This article will make you hungry!

There’s a certain kind of magic that comes from transforming a hobby into a business. For Mackenzie, her love for baking has blossomed into Lyre & Loaf, a small sourdough business that has boosted her confidence and helped her find a greater sense of community. From finding the courage to begin to celebrating the small stepping stones and victories, Mackenzie’s journey is a lesson in the power of leveraging your passions, especially when you’re scared. 

Spouse Spotlight: Mackenzie, The Simple Power of Bread

From Newlyweds to Air Force Life

Mackenzie and her husband began dating after high school, and after seven years together, they were inspired to make a change. Mackenzie’s husband was looking for a long-term career that would enable them to support a family and own a home. He ultimately decided to join the Air Force, so, a week after the pair tied the knot, he left to start his military career. 

Mackenzie felt that her husband joining the Air Force was a “really great decision” for them, but it was a lot of change at once. After her husband finished basic training, he attended school for almost a year, and Mackenzie became pregnant with their daughter during that time. She quit working at Sephora when she was six months pregnant, and she was grateful for the support of her husband’s family, especially since he would be away until her due date. 

Three months later, the family moved to Guam, which represented yet another massive change. In addition to living thousands of miles away from their family with a young baby, it was the first time that they had their own home together. They had only one car for the first nine months, so Mackenzie spent much of that time at home with her daughter, and her passion for baking and sourdough blossomed. 

military spouse in guam

“Other people are happy to support you; there’s really no negatives to put yourself out there.”

— Mackenzie

Starting a Sourdough Business as a Military Spouse in Guam

Mackenize said that she had always been “the baker,” but because she had lived with her husband’s family since she was seventeen, she had “never had my own space to dive into sourdough.” Inspired by social media and having her own kitchen, Mackenzie nurtured her sourdough starter and worked up the courage to make her first loaf. 

Mackenzie described herself as a very hesitant person because she wants everything to be perfect, but her baking journey has proved to her again and again that taking the leap of faith has been worth it. She began bringing her baked goods to events and built her confidence with each positive reception. Because she’d worked since she was sixteen years old, she was itching to have her “own thing,” so she made it her New Year’s resolution to start selling her bread. It was the “best decision I made,” she proudly said, despite the anxiety that came with those first, tentative steps. 

Her first menus featured two kinds of sourdough loaves and bagels to keep it simple, and she created a logo and social media flyer to advertise them. She was “so nervous I was shaking,” she said about her first online advertisement, and she admitted that she had to walk away from social media after she posted. However, she was so pleasantly surprised to see that everyone who interacted with her post was so kind and supportive. She worked up the courage to participate in the base’s PTA market, and even though “it was a lot of pressure, I was grateful I did it.” 

As the weeks have gone on, she’s continued to tinker with her menu, expanding, downsizing, adding, and removing items to see what she can handle in her home oven and what her customers are interested in. She looked at other bakeries to see what they were selling and to do something different; for instance, she sold scones because she saw a lack of them among her competitors. Time management, she said, is key because sourdough is a two-day process, and she and her daughter still have full days to play and socialize together. 

Mackenzie urged other creatives to consider selling their products because “other people are happy to support you; there’s really no negatives to put yourself out there.”

What Military Spouses Can Take From Mackenzie’s Story

Mackenzie’s journey with Lyre & Loaf is about more than sourdough. It is a reminder that military spouses can create something meaningful even in seasons of change, loneliness, and uncertainty.

  • You don’t have to feel ready to begin. Sometimes confidence comes after you take the first step.
  • Your duty station can become part of your story. Even far from home, community can grow in unexpected ways.
  • Start small and adjust as you go. Mackenzie began with a simple menu and learned what worked over time.
  • Your passion might be more powerful than you think. A hobby can become a source of purpose, connection, and joy.
military spouse small business

Finding Community as a New Mom in Guam

Raising your first child thousands of miles away from home can be intimidating, but Mackenzie has worked hard to find ways to connect herself and her daughter–who she calls her “center of everything–” with the local military community. Each Wednesday, they go to story time at the base’s library, which she believed was a great way to meet other moms. In fact, it’s how she met her first friend in Guam. She’s also active in the Guam Littles Playgroup, which offers playdates on- and off-base, as well as activities and support for moms. 

Her husband’s work also provided her with a supportive pathway towards making friends; there is a spouse group that hosts a monthly social meetup with an interactive activity. In the past few months, the spouses have gotten to make jewelry, lumpia, and perfume, and Mackenzie felt more confident attending and meeting potential new friends because there was something hands-on to do. 

She hopes their next move will bring them closer to family while their daughter is young, but she does appreciate the opportunity to live in and explore new places. “We got exactly what we asked for,” she said because she’s always wanted to travel. For now, she’s looking forward to an extended summer trip back to the States and then a visit to nearby Japan.

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses have ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

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10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

On November 8th, 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the US Army. This was a huge change for us and our family. My husband had been in the Army when he was a lot younger, years before I met him. He had gotten out, returned home and we met a few years after that. We got married and had our first child and it wasn’t until we had been married about 3 years that we started talking about him going back into the Army.

18 years have passed since that day and I now consider myself a seasoned spouse. We have been overseas, been through 4 deployments, multiple trainings and have experienced both Active duty and National Guard life. Over the last 18 years, I have learned so much about military life. I didn’t realize how clueless I was until he joined and learned about these truths the hard way. I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. I have grown as a person since then and the last 18 years have made me who I am.

Here are 10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True:

1. Just Because You Are Told Something, It Doesn’t Mean It Will Happen That Way- There have been so many times in the last 18 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

2. Military Life Isn’t Fair- It wasn’t that I thought everything in military life was going to be fair, but it is a hard reality to realize much of this life isn’t fair or equal at all. Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations and it will seem others do. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get the good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

3. Not All Military Housing Is Created Equal- When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got the house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

4. Making Friends Isn’t Always Easy- As much as you want to find your tribe and your people, sometimes that will take longer than you want it to. Making friends depending on a lot of factors. From putting yourself out there to who is at your duty station. Don’t lose hope if you haven’t made friends at your new duty station yet, it might just take you a bit longer this time.

5. You Will Grow Without Your Spouse- During military life you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a year deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

6. Your Parenting Will Look A Little Different- Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

7. You Will Surprise Yourself- During the last 118years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

8. When Military Life Is Over, You Might Not Want To Leave- As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

9. The “Worst” Duty Station Might Be Your Favorite- There are a few duty stations out there that are talked about as the worst. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place. Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

10. Just When You Are Comfortable, Life Will Change- I was sitting at a friend’s house with about four or five friends. The kids were all playing nicely and we were having a good conversation. In the back of my head, I thought, “This won’t last forever.” And that was true. Within 3 years, everyone in that room has moved somewhere else. This is the reality of military life. People are always moving, either you or them. Commands change, deployments come and go. Just when you get comfortable, things change.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends as a Military Spouse

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You are new to your duty station, you don’t know anyone, and your spouse is going to deploy sometime in the next few months. Where do you go to make friends? What can you do to find them? How can you be part of this military community everyone talks about? How can you make friends as a military spouse?

Finding new friends can be difficult when you first move to a new place. You can live somewhere for a while and still not fit in. You could be shy and find meeting new people difficult. So what do you do?

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends as a Military Spouse

Here are 10 ideas to help you make friends as a military spouse:

Your FRG-The FRG is either going to be really good or really bad, but you don’t know until you try. So go once, see what things are like. Maybe the FRG needs you to help make it a better place. There can be something great about connecting with the spouses of those your own spouse is going to be working with.

Other times, there just might be too much drama. That happens, especially during deployments. But make yourself try the FRG out. You never know what you might experience or who you might meet when you go.

Your Neighborhood- Your neighbors can become your friends. Reach out if you can and join your neighborhood Facebook page. See if you can meet some other people who are in your stage of life. This might be easier if you have kids old enough to go out and play with other kids in your area.

You can also meet people through them. Smile at people as they walk by, and be a friendly, good neighbor. Knowing people who live near you is a good idea. They can watch out for your home when you are away, and you can be there for them.

Bible Study- If you are religious, seek out a bible study. Most military installations have a PWOC or other similar groups. These places are a time to study the Bible and get to know other military spouses. Overseas, my PWOC group was a lifesaver. You can also find bible studies off-post within your local community. That is also a good way to meet other non-military friends in your community.

MomCo– MomCo, formally, MOPS, is a great program, and they do have some military programs. These are free and are located at the base chapel. You might also find MomCo in your community off-post. Those will have an annual fee. These types of groups can be a great way to meet new people, other moms who have children the same age as yours.

Sports teams– Sports is a great way to get to know others. Either sign your children up for a team or play a sport yourself. Look and see what is going on in your area. Even swim lessons is a great way to make a new friend.

You all have to sit and watch your kids, and in a lot of cases, you can’t help but talk to someone new while you are there watching your kids swim or play a sport. Finding an adult team is a great idea if you are into sports because you can do something you love and make new friends while you are doing so.

Playgroups- If you have kids, you have to join a playgroup. They are such a good way to make friends as a military spouse, and even if you don’t, a way for your kids to make friends and be social. They can be a good way to get out there and break up the day.

Some playgroups are put on by an organization, others are hosted by a mom, and she invites people to her home. Figure out what is in your area. If you only know a couple of people, invite them over to play and have them invite some friends.

Book Club– I love books. I read so much. So when I heard about a local book club, I joined it. We got to talk about books. It was wonderful. Do you love books too? Join a book club. You will be able to meet people to talk about books with. Which is one of the best things.

Restaurant Club- When we were in Germany, there was a club that met once a month at a new restaurant. This was a great way to learn more about our area and food options but I was also able to connect with other spouses and get to know them. I am sure they do have these types of groups other places as well.

Volunteering- If you are still not sure how to make friends, try volunteering. It’s another great way to make friends as a military spouse. There are a lot of chances for that on post as well as off. You can do a one-day or one-week type of event, or volunteer long-term. Doing so will allow you to give back to the community, keep busy, and make some friends. The more you do it, the more people you will meet. The best part is, there are so many different ways you can volunteer in a military community.

Bunco- If you ever get invited to a Bunco group, go. This game is so much fun, and because of the way you play it, you have to talk to new people. You are moving from table to table, and it is a great way to feel connected to other people in your community.

Have you found ways to make friends as a military spouse? What is the hardest part of doing so?

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

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10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

Life as a military spouse has taught me so much over the years! When I first became a military spouse, I had no idea how much this life would change me. Over the years, through deployments, moves, and everything in between, I’ve learned lessons I never expected, but ones I will carry for the rest of my life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

Life as a military spouse can be surprising

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like you’re no longer. That’s okay, though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

Life as a military spouse could look different for each person

  • How one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows that portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

During your life as a military spouse, you could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your life as a military spouse?

Military Spouse Social Media: Navigating Motherhood and Connection

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As a military spouse, social media often becomes more than just scrolling; it’s how we stay connected during deployments, moves, and long-distance friendships. This guest post explores the different ways moms can use social media to connect with others, a must as military spouses.

Living so far from our loved ones, having our spouse have to “live in our phones” for periods of time, and trying to balance it all together during the craziness of military life is a lot to take on. We want to find the right balance with social media, but it can be hard.

Enjoy this post all about motherhood and the different ways we can use social media to stay in touch.

Motherhood and Social Media

Before the advent of Facebook, Pinterest, and various other social media tools, motherhood was, in some ways, a much more isolating experience. Of course, before social media, mothers may have had email, phone calls, and in-person visits. But social media and tools like smartphones and web cams bring your friends and family right into your living room, regardless of location, and allow them to experience your child’s growth up close and personal. These days, moms can keep in touch with friends and family like never before.

Social Media Brings Moms Together

Social media serves another important purpose: it brings moms together and makes geography nearly irrelevant. You adopted your child from China? There is a Facebook page or blog dedicated to that where you can connect with other moms with children adopted from China and share your experiences, ask questions, and make friends. Ditto for many other motherhood experiences. The internet and social media help us stay connected and meet others of like minds or experiences. This can be immensely reassuring when you are faced with a motherhood dilemma outside your previous experience.

Here are some of the most common social media tools I have found useful and some that many of my friends who are moms love to use:

Facebook is the Place

Military spouses and social media go hand in hand. And Facebook is one of the places we go. Although there are concerns that Facebook’s popularity is declining among teens, every mom I know uses it regularly. We post pictures of our kids, updates on our lives, questions about events at school and where to find a good pediatric dentist. It is a great tool for keeping up with both local friends and family and those who live far away.

You should be aware that Facebook is notorious for constantly changing its privacy settings without informing users.  Therefore, I never post anything on Facebook that is sensitive or private. You really can’t be absolutely sure who might see your post. Also, Facebook has had the tendency in the past to ban breast-feeding photos and sometimes delete those users’ accounts, so while it is your right to post these types of family photos, the network has shown a strange intolerance to them, so beware.

That said, I love keeping up with what my friend in Spain is doing and her daughter’s activities, as well as making plans with my neighborhood friends for a barbecue.  I also belong to a Facebook group of moms with multiples, and we talk about parenting issues specific to having twins or triplets.

Pinterest is a Fun Choice

Need an idea for a snack to serve for a toddler birthday party? Looking for an age-appropriate educational activity? How about nursery decorating ideas? That and more can be found on Pinterest by pinning photos and ideas of people you know and people you don’t. Along the way you can learn lots of interesting things about your friends. One of my friends has a prolific collection of dessert recipes – all involving chocolate. Another is obsessed with bookshelves of every shape and dimension. Another I can always count on for great appetizer ideas.

Instagram For Your Photos and Videos

Love photos? Instagram lets you tap into your inner photographer and view others’ photos. You can also share them on Facebook and other social media sites. It is an opportunity to showcase your life in photos for friends and family to see, but the profiles are public, so everyone else can see, too. You can also post short videos as Reels.

Email and Texting Still Works

Don’t care to share your whole life with the masses, or even just your online friends? It’s a valid concern – many sites have little to no security settings, so there is really no way to ensure that what you post stays within your circle of family and friends. Emailing and texting, now considered old-school, aren’t completely foolproof, but you have a reasonable expectation that your rant to your best friend about not getting any sleep and the lack of privacy while pumping at work will be seen only by her.

What was parenthood before social media? It was a lot more private, and really, there is no substitute for in-person visits, but when that isn’t possible, social media can be the next best thing. It also opens up so many parenting resources and avenues for creativity, information and validation. It’s a way for friends and family outside your local circle to see your kids grow up, and to me, that is pretty amazing.

This guest post is by a SmartMom Contributor. SmartMom is an easy way to receive fast answers to all of your parenting questions from the convenience of your mobile device.  We’re launching in the app store soon – Visit our website http://smartmom.co for early access!