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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

Sometimes military life is pretty exciting! You are days away from a PCS to a great location. Your husband just got home from his deployment. You have great friends and are able to keep busy, and life is great.

Other times, you are going to feel like your life is just one big Groundhog Day. You do the same things over and over again. This is especially true during a deployment and even more so when you have small children who are not in school yet. The days just come and go, and you can get a little bored doing the same things every single day.

How to Get Out of a Military Spouse Rut

So what can you do about that? How can you break out of your boring military spouse routine? Sometimes the answer isn’t a huge life change. You might just need one new thing on the calendar, a different routine, or something that gives you a reason to get out of the house. Start small and see what makes your week feel a little more like yours again.

Try a New Club, Group, or Military Community Event

Find a new club or regular meeting to go to. Have kids? Go to a local moms’ group like MomCo. Love to read? Go to that book club you heard about. There should be something you can go to where you can meet new people and enjoy yourself. See what your local Facebook pages have to offer. Look for events going on in your community. Get yourself out there and make plans to change what you do during the week.

“Sometimes getting out of a rut starts with putting just one new thing on the calendar.”

Add a Daily Walk, Run, or Workout to Your Routine

Make plans to go on a daily walk or run. This will break up your day and will keep you healthier. If you don’t want to run or walk, go to the gym or go for a swim. Working on your fitness is a great way to change things up. Have little kids? Find friends to go on stroller walks with.

Join a Playgroup or Parent Group

If you have kids, join a playgroup. If you don’t like the one you are in, join a different one. Keep taking your kids if they are having fun. You will get to meet other parents and you will have something to keep you busy during the week. If you feel each day is just another chore of getting through the day with your kids, a playgroup can really help with getting out of that dull routine.

Look for a Job or Volunteer Opportunity

If you are really bored with life, it could be time to find a new job. Military spouses can also use SpouseWorks for career coaching, resume help, job-search support, networking, and connections to military-friendly employers. Figure out what you want to do and how many hours you would like to work. Even working a few hours a week can help with your mood. See what works for you and start applying. Having a job is also a great way to meet new people when you PCS. You can also look for volunteer opportunities in your local community.

Feeling Stuck in a Military Spouse Routine?

You do not need to completely reinvent your life to get out of a rut. Sometimes one small change can make your week feel different.

  • Add one thing to your calendar. Try a book club, workout class, playgroup, volunteer shift, or coffee with a friend.
  • Get out of the house. A walk, library visit, new park, or trip to explore your duty station can break up the day.
  • Give yourself something to work toward. A job, class, fitness goal, hobby, or trip can give your routine a little more purpose.
  • Try something more than once. The first meeting or event might feel awkward. Give yourself a chance to settle in.

Go Back to School or Learn Something New

Did you start a college program and want to go back? Maybe now is the time to do so. Look up online degree or training programs as well as what your local colleges might offer. You can take one class or sign up for a full-time schedule.

Look into military spouse scholarships, education benefits, and programs such as the SpouseWorks Scholarship. If your spouse transferred Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits to you, those may also help with education costs. There are a lot of options for paying for school. If you don’t know what you want to study, that is okay; you can take some general ed classes until you are able to figure that out.

Plan a Trip or Explore Somewhere New

Take a trip somewhere. Maybe you can just go camping for a weekend? Maybe you want to finally plan that Disney World trip? Figure out what you can do and make some plans. You might need to take time off work or plan to board the dog, but make the trip happen. Taking yourself out of where you are can help break you out of a boring routine.

Visit Family or Invite Someone to Visit You

Taking a trip home can be very refreshing. You can spend time with your family, go out with friends, and just relax a bit away from your everyday life. Depending on where you live, your home might be a bit warmer than where you are stationed, and getting a break from cold winter weather can be good for your soul. If you can’t visit home, see if someone can visit you, and you can enjoy your time together as you show them your world.

No one needs to stay in a rut. If you feel like you are in one, there is a lot you can do to add more to your daily life. You should also keep in mind that deployments do not last forever, that duty stations do not last forever, and that you can wake up every day ready to make some changes so that your life can be a little more like the way you want your life to be.

What do you do to get out of a boring military spouse routine?

Frequently Asked Questions About Getting Out of a Military Spouse Rut

What can I do when military spouse life feels boring?

Try adding something new to your weekly routine, such as a club, workout, volunteer opportunity, playgroup, job search, class, or local outing. Even one new activity can help break up repetitive days.

How can I stay busy during deployment?

Create a routine that includes things you enjoy, time with friends, exercise, hobbies, outings, volunteering, and something to look forward to each week.

How can military spouses meet new people?

Military spouses can meet people through spouse groups, MomCo, playgroups, book clubs, MWR activities, volunteering, faith communities, neighborhoods, jobs, and local events.

What career or education resources are available to military spouses?

Military spouses can use programs such as SpouseWorks for career coaching, employment support, education guidance, scholarships, and other career resources.

20 Famous Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

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Embracing Strength and Love: 20 Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

One of the biggest things you can do for yourself during deployment is figure out what you can tell yourself when you hit a low point. Little reminders, quotes, and inspiration can go a long way in helping you get through this time apart. There is something about reminding yourself why you can do this, or even how you can make it through can turn your deployment day around.

Inspirational Quotes for Military Spouses During Deployment

If you need some ideas, here is a list of 20 inspirational quotes for military spouses to use during deployment.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“In the face of adversity, we have a choice. We can be bitter, or we can be better.” – Maya Angelou

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford

Deployment Quotes About Strength and Courage

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt

A Little Encouragement for Your Deployment

Deployment can bring lonely nights, difficult days, uncertainty, and moments when you wonder how you are going to make it through. Sometimes a simple quote or reminder can help you reset your thinking and take the deployment one day at a time.

Save a favorite quote to your phone, write one in your deployment journal, add one to your calendar, or send one to another military spouse who could use a little encouragement.

Quotes for the Hardest Deployment Days

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

“Success is not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” – Zoë Saldana

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” – Roy T. Bennett

Deployment Quotes About Resilience

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

Quotes to Get You Through the Next Hard Day

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton

“No matter how much it hurts now, someday you will look back and realize your struggles changed your life for the better.” – Unknown

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

Moving Forward During a Deployment

“Out of difficulties grow miracles.” – Jean de La Bruyère

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” – Brian Tracy

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” – H.G. Wells

When You’re Having a Hard Deployment Day

A quote won’t fix everything, but sometimes the right words can remind you of what you already know: this day will pass, you can ask for help, and you do not have to get through the entire deployment today.

  • Take it one day at a time. On really hard days, take it one hour at a time.
  • Reach out to your people. A friend who understands deployment can make a difficult day feel less lonely.
  • Give yourself something to look forward to. Make plans, start a project, read a book, or put something fun on the calendar.
  • Remember that deployments end. However slow the countdown feels today, you are still one day closer to homecoming.

Frequently Asked Questions About Military Spouse Deployment Quotes

What are good quotes for a military spouse during deployment?

Good deployment quotes focus on strength, resilience, courage, hope, and getting through difficult seasons. The best quote is one that helps you feel encouraged without making you feel like you have to be strong every minute of deployment.

How can inspirational quotes help during deployment?

Inspirational quotes can provide a quick mental reset on difficult deployment days. You can save favorite quotes to your phone, write them in a journal, add them to your deployment countdown, or share them with another military spouse.

What can I tell myself on a hard deployment day?

Remind yourself that you do not have to get through the entire deployment today. Focus on the day or hour in front of you, reach out for support when you need it, and remember that difficult deployment days do pass.

Where can I find more military spouse deployment encouragement?

Military spouses can find encouragement through deployment support resources, military spouse communities, trusted friends, deployment blogs, and other spouses who understand what months apart can feel like.

How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

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How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

One of the hot topics in the military spouse world is how we, as military spouses, can chase our dreams during the craziness of military life. There is always a reason not to move forward, and there always seem to be obstacles in our way. But does it have to be this way?

Here are a few things you can do to still chase your dreams as a military spouse:

Go to School

Going to school is something you can do to further your own career. You can go back to school, and finish a degree you have already started. You can look to get another degree or to start college in the first place. You have a lot of options for what you can do to further your education.

Sit down and think about what you would want to do. Look at the different programs that are out there and figure out what will work for you. Take the first step and look into applying to get started. You will be glad that you did.

Write a Book

Do you know much about a topic you want to share with the world? Are you a fiction writer, ready to start putting your stories down on paper? Maybe now is the time for you to write your book. If nothing else, get your ideas out on paper and see where that leads.

These days, you don’t have to go with a traditional publisher. Many writers self-publish their own Ebooks, and that can be an option for you. Do your research on writing a book and follow your book writing dream.

Start a Business

Military spouses love to start businesses. There are different ways to do this too. You can join a direct sales business and skip some of the steps to get started. You might be a creator and can start to sell your own homemade products. For some, selling advice or career help can be a way to get going on a business.

There are so many options these days, and you are not limited by what is available locally. The whole internet is at your fingertips. Military spouses are rocking it as successful entrepreneurs and that might be the right direction for you too.

Find a new job

Maybe you are a SAHM or maybe you are in a job you are not too excited about. Finding a new job could be the answer. You can find a job that will get you closer to where you want to be in the long term.

How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

For example, if you are good at managing your money, you might consider a career as a financial advisor. First Command explains a bit why in this article.

Don’t get discouraged about finding a job and keep looking until you find something. Sometimes this might mean thinking outside the box. You might not always end up with your dream job, your current duty station could make that impossible, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will work for the current season of your life.

Sign-up for LinkedIn

LinkedIn is more than just a place to search for jobs. LinkedIn is filled with networking opportunities. You never know who you might connect with or what that relationship will lead to.

Volunteer

There are always plenty of volunteer opportunities in your community. Some might be on base or post, and some might be off. If you want to work on a particular career in the future, look at what you can do that is similar or will help you later on. Volunteer work can look excellent on a resume and can fill in gaps if you are unable to find another type of job.

Whatever you decide to do, remember, your dreams are important too. While there could be certain circumstances when you can’t do exactly what you want to do for your career or your future during certain seasons of life, that does not mean this will be the case forever. Don’t be afraid to dream big, know that you can follow your own heart, and figure out how to make things work during your spouse’s military career.

How have you worked on your own career during your time as a military spouse?

When Their Job Comes First

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The Military Has to Come First

We hear so often not to put your job before family. We hear so often that you should find a family-friendly workplace. We hear so often that these things are important, and they are, they really are.

But…

For the military spouse, married to a service member, their job has to come first. Sometimes at the worst time. Sometimes at the time you really need them.

The truth of the military is that the Army, or the Navy, or the Marine Corps, or whatever the branch has to come first.

The truth is, the military shakes up your life when you don’t want anything to do with the military at that moment.

When Their Job Comes First

The truth is, your spouse might have to go, go overseas, fight in a war, and they will have to go.

No matter how much they love you.

No matter how much they want to stay.

No matter how many other times they have had to be away.

When you married your service member, you knew they would be gone, you knew they wouldn’t always be with you. But the reality that the military does come first isn’t always easy to take.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a child get diagnosed with autism.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a miscarriage or other loss.

Sometimes a deployment will come right when a spouse is trying to heal from something that they feel they need their spouse there for.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, but there isn’t a lot you can do about that. The job has to come first.

There are times when things can be changed. There are compassionate reassignments. Commands can hold people back for a few months from a deployment. They can send them home early in some circumstances. But none of that is promised. None of that is 100%.

And trying to come to terms with everything isn’t easy. Trying to be “okay” with the military coming first isn’t easy. Figuring out ways to get through these difficult times isn’t easy.

Here are a few things you can do to help when you know the job has to come first.

Find a good support system

Basically, find your people. Both online and IRL. Find people who support you, and love you. They will be the ones to help you through.

Remember why they joined

When you are feeling really down about everything military related, remember why they joined the military in the first place. Remember why they enlisted. Thinking about all of that can put things in perspective.

Make a detailed plan

You might be going through something you need your spouse there for, but the military has to come first. So, what will you do about it? Who will you go to instead? You will need to come up with a plan.

Figure out what will make things easier for you. That could be hiring a babysitter once a week, starting a new workout plan, or creating a list of services you can call when the need arises.

Since we are all different people, our lists might not look the same, but making a good list of how you will get through this time is important.

Remember, even though the job or the mission has to come first, there are also periods of time when the family does. Maybe this is block leave after a deployment, or having your soldier stay home a few extra weeks to be there for the birth of your baby.

There are times when they will be home early and have days off. Remembering these moments isn’t always easy, especially when you are not currently living them but, they will come again, I promise.

What is the best way to handle the disappointment of when the job has to come first? What do you do to help you through?

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

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Have you ever planned a vacation only to have to cancel or reschedule it because military dates changed?

Have you ever given birth when your husband was deployed because they simply wouldn’t send him home like you thought they might?

Have you ever wanted to be stationed close to home only for your spouse to get orders clear across the country?

Most military spouses have been through one or all of these disappointments not to mention others that can happen when you are a military spouse. Dates change, your spouse can’t always be around when you need them, and you don’t always get a choice in where you are going to live.

What can you do when disappointment hits? How can you turn things around to get to a better place? 

Shock

When met with disappointing news, you will probably be in shock. They say to “hope for the best, plan for the worst” and we know things might not work out the way we want them to, but we still hope that they do. And then when they don’t? We can’t believe we are hearing that news.

If you feel shocked when you realize things are not going to be the way you want them to be, you are not alone. It’s normal to feel this way at first. You had the hope of a better outcome, and now you have to start to accept your new reality, and that isn’t always easy to do.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Sadness

After shock comes the sadness. You are going to have to move to Alaska even though your family lives in FL. Your husband is going to deploy right before your 30th birthday. Your family trip to Walt Disney World will have to be postponed by six months.

You might need to take a moment to cry into your pillow. You are allowed to be sad about this; you are allowed to have those emotions. Let things out, call a friend and vent, have a good cry, and then move on to planning.

Planning

Every time I get some disappointing news because of my husband’s job, I eventually find myself coming up with a plan. I know that I will need to be creative to move forward. I will need to figure out a way to get through whatever it is I am dealing with.

If it is a matter of an unexpected deployment, I try to figure out what I can do during that deployment to stay as busy as I can, I think about how the deployment pay can help us, and I think about extra things I can do that I might not have time for if he wasn’t going to be deployed.

Being able to have a plan to deal with the disappointment will go a very long way in finding relief.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Relief

Relief happens when you get to a place where you feel like you can figure out a way forward. It might not always be easy, you might not always be happy about what happened, but you can figure out how to get through it.

If you assumed your husband would be at the birth of your first child and they are not, you are going to go through a wave of emotions about it. You will eventually figure out who you want with you because he can’t be. And then you will start to accept that this has to be your new normal. And with that comes the relief that you can, in fact, give birth without your husband. 

You Got This

Remember, you got this. Reach out to your friends, make plans, and figure out how to deal with disappointment in your military life.

Disappointments will happen in military life. They say to write all plans in pencil because all plans can change, no matter how close you are to the date they are supposed to happen. We as military spouse want to support our service members and getting to a place where we can move forward is a good way to do so.

What do you do to get over disappointment during military life?

The Military is Going to Disappoint You

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The Military is Going to Disappoint You

Making plans as a military spouse feels like gambling. Will we be able to go on that trip? Will we really move to that state next year? What will the next few years look like?

I learned pretty quickly that the military is going to disappoint you. Paperwork takes longer than it should, dates get changed, and you can be left feeling like your thoughts and desires don’t even matter.

Getting used to this isn’t easy and even 16 years in, I still feel that disappointment. I feel it when drill dates get changed last minute. I feel it when we have to cancel trips due to being called up. I feel it when I start to wonder if my husband will be deployed and if so for how long?

There are just so many unknown changes in military life.

I think we try to cling to things that seem so certain, even if they could actually change, even if we know they might do so. We want so badly to have a normal life, plan all the things, and have them actually happen. We want to feel like we have some type of control.

When we hear our spouse might be getting orders to a new duty station in California, we want to plan all the things. We want to figure out where to live and what schools our kids will go to. We want to start a bucket list and plan what we will do for fun. We want to start to apply for jobs and get that moving.

But then, the military changes its mind and we end up in another state or another country and have to start the process all over again. We get frustrated because even if we can come to terms with the moves, coming to terms with the changes associated with them can be more difficult.

The truth is, the military is going to disappoint you and often. And the best thing to do is figure out how to roll with these changes. Because they are going to keep coming.

The military is going to disappoint you because living a military life is a bit of a sacrifice. Your service member signed up to give these years to the government. And doing so means that the mission comes first. Even if it is frustrating or inconvenient for the family.

We joke about always writing our plans in pencil but maybe that is what we have to do to stay sane. We joke about Murphy but maybe we have to plan for that to happen, and a plan for what we should do if it does. We joke about “hurry up and wait” but maybe that is what we always have to have in our heads when it comes to anything military.

As military spouses, we have to work hard to establish ourselves even within the military world. Depending on where you are stationed and what your own dreams might be, this isn’t always easy. We might need to pivot and plan for a last-minute deployment, or other change we didn’t see coming.

As military spouses, we have to figure out ways to handle the disappointment that comes with all of this. Some of us might need to cry it out, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad over a disappointment. But then, we have to figure out how to move through the change, and what we can do to get back on track.

Having some good military spouse friends, either in person, online, or both can be a good way to handle some of what military life brings. Your military spouse friends have been there. And can be there to encourage you. To see the light in the tunnel, and to help you come up with a plan.

Having good systems in place so you are not left all alone and so that you do have a backup plan is important. Who will you call if something breaks in your house? Who will you go to if your childcare falls through? What will you do when you are having a bad day and just need to find a listening ear?

Having a good plan for those what-ifs of military life can go a long way in helping you through periods of time when the military disappoints you. You can plan for everything, and when you do, those plans can change but you can be prepared for what you might need in the future.

You can also try to use caution when it comes to certain things. Don’t plan out a PCS before the orders come. Don’t assume your spouse will be around for something in the future, they might not be. And yes, always use that pencil in your planner. That way you can pivot, change, and get through the disappointments that come with military life.

Spouse Spotlight: Mackenzie, The Simple Power of Bread

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This Military Spouse Spotlight is about a military spouse in Guam who is turning her hobbies into an amazing small business. Warning: This article will make you hungry!

There’s a certain kind of magic that comes from transforming a hobby into a business. For Mackenzie, her love for baking has blossomed into Lyre & Loaf, a small sourdough business that has boosted her confidence and helped her find a greater sense of community. From finding the courage to begin to celebrating the small stepping stones and victories, Mackenzie’s journey is a lesson in the power of leveraging your passions, especially when you’re scared. 

Spouse Spotlight: Mackenzie, The Simple Power of Bread

From Newlyweds to Air Force Life

Mackenzie and her husband began dating after high school, and after seven years together, they were inspired to make a change. Mackenzie’s husband was looking for a long-term career that would enable them to support a family and own a home. He ultimately decided to join the Air Force, so, a week after the pair tied the knot, he left to start his military career. 

Mackenzie felt that her husband joining the Air Force was a “really great decision” for them, but it was a lot of change at once. After her husband finished basic training, he attended school for almost a year, and Mackenzie became pregnant with their daughter during that time. She quit working at Sephora when she was six months pregnant, and she was grateful for the support of her husband’s family, especially since he would be away until her due date. 

Three months later, the family moved to Guam, which represented yet another massive change. In addition to living thousands of miles away from their family with a young baby, it was the first time that they had their own home together. They had only one car for the first nine months, so Mackenzie spent much of that time at home with her daughter, and her passion for baking and sourdough blossomed. 

military spouse in guam

“Other people are happy to support you; there’s really no negatives to put yourself out there.”

— Mackenzie

Starting a Sourdough Business as a Military Spouse in Guam

Mackenize said that she had always been “the baker,” but because she had lived with her husband’s family since she was seventeen, she had “never had my own space to dive into sourdough.” Inspired by social media and having her own kitchen, Mackenzie nurtured her sourdough starter and worked up the courage to make her first loaf. 

Mackenzie described herself as a very hesitant person because she wants everything to be perfect, but her baking journey has proved to her again and again that taking the leap of faith has been worth it. She began bringing her baked goods to events and built her confidence with each positive reception. Because she’d worked since she was sixteen years old, she was itching to have her “own thing,” so she made it her New Year’s resolution to start selling her bread. It was the “best decision I made,” she proudly said, despite the anxiety that came with those first, tentative steps. 

Her first menus featured two kinds of sourdough loaves and bagels to keep it simple, and she created a logo and social media flyer to advertise them. She was “so nervous I was shaking,” she said about her first online advertisement, and she admitted that she had to walk away from social media after she posted. However, she was so pleasantly surprised to see that everyone who interacted with her post was so kind and supportive. She worked up the courage to participate in the base’s PTA market, and even though “it was a lot of pressure, I was grateful I did it.” 

As the weeks have gone on, she’s continued to tinker with her menu, expanding, downsizing, adding, and removing items to see what she can handle in her home oven and what her customers are interested in. She looked at other bakeries to see what they were selling and to do something different; for instance, she sold scones because she saw a lack of them among her competitors. Time management, she said, is key because sourdough is a two-day process, and she and her daughter still have full days to play and socialize together. 

Mackenzie urged other creatives to consider selling their products because “other people are happy to support you; there’s really no negatives to put yourself out there.”

What Military Spouses Can Take From Mackenzie’s Story

Mackenzie’s journey with Lyre & Loaf is about more than sourdough. It is a reminder that military spouses can create something meaningful even in seasons of change, loneliness, and uncertainty.

  • You don’t have to feel ready to begin. Sometimes confidence comes after you take the first step.
  • Your duty station can become part of your story. Even far from home, community can grow in unexpected ways.
  • Start small and adjust as you go. Mackenzie began with a simple menu and learned what worked over time.
  • Your passion might be more powerful than you think. A hobby can become a source of purpose, connection, and joy.
military spouse small business

Finding Community as a New Mom in Guam

Raising your first child thousands of miles away from home can be intimidating, but Mackenzie has worked hard to find ways to connect herself and her daughter–who she calls her “center of everything–” with the local military community. Each Wednesday, they go to story time at the base’s library, which she believed was a great way to meet other moms. In fact, it’s how she met her first friend in Guam. She’s also active in the Guam Littles Playgroup, which offers playdates on- and off-base, as well as activities and support for moms. 

Her husband’s work also provided her with a supportive pathway towards making friends; there is a spouse group that hosts a monthly social meetup with an interactive activity. In the past few months, the spouses have gotten to make jewelry, lumpia, and perfume, and Mackenzie felt more confident attending and meeting potential new friends because there was something hands-on to do. 

She hopes their next move will bring them closer to family while their daughter is young, but she does appreciate the opportunity to live in and explore new places. “We got exactly what we asked for,” she said because she’s always wanted to travel. For now, she’s looking forward to an extended summer trip back to the States and then a visit to nearby Japan.

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses have ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?