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How to Say Goodbye to your Spouse as they Leave for Deployment

May 9, 2023 by Julie

How to Say Goodbye to your Spouse as they Leave for Deployment

Some of the hardest days of my life as a military spouse have been the days I have had to say goodbye to my husband. To give him one more hug, one more kiss, and hope and pray he would return to us. To watch him as he said goodbye to our children, knowing that they will be in different stages when he returns.

Saying goodbye is never easy.

Saying goodbye to your spouse as they go off to war is one of the hardest things you will have to do as a military spouse.

Our goodbyes have been different depending on the deployment and the situation. Some we have stayed around for a while and waited until we saw him leave. Others we have dropped him off and drove away before he got on the bus. I learned after the first deployment that leaving earlier was easier for all of us.

If you are getting ready to have to say goodbye to your spouse for a deployment or other reason, here are some ideas to help get through that day:

1. Do your goodbye your way. Different people handle the goodbyes in different ways. Your spouse might have a certain way he wants to say goodbye, you might have a certain way you want to say goodbye. Take some time to talk things over and figure out what works best for your family.

2. Cry if you need to. If you need to cry, do so. I believe for some of us crying is getting the sadness out and it is a step we have to take to get to where we can accept what is going on.

I have said goodbye to my husband and cried in the car and I have said goodbye and no tears came until I got home. It just depended on my mood. It’s okay to cry if you need to. Deployments are sad. Tears might come.

3. Plan the first few days. If you can figure out exactly what you are going to do after you say your goodbyes, it will be an easier start to the deployment. You might want to plan to rent a movie and order pizza, you might want to get together with friends, you might just want to go to bed early and call it a night. Make a plan and then you will have some direction once you leave the drop off location.

4. Call a friend. Or not. Some people want to talk to others as soon as they have said goodbye, others want some alone time. Think about what would work best for you. If you feel the need, call a friend or family member.

If you don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t feel like you have to. Take the time to get used to your new normal and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not calling them as soon as your spouse has left.

If you need to notify family, send out a group text or message. Let them know you will be up for chatting in a few days. Most people will respect that.

5. Remember, goodbye means the countdown can begin. Waiting for a deployment to start is so rough. Once they actually leave, the countdown can begin. Each day you mark off your calendar is one day closer to them being home. As you say your goodbyes, remember that the deployment or time away is just a short period of time in the scheme of things. Time will pass and they will be back with you again.

If you are in a place where you will be saying goodbye soon, I am not going to lie, doing this will probably be one of the hardest things you will have to do. Know that you are not alone in what you are going through and that a lot of other military spouses around you are feeling the same way.

What do you do to get through the goodbyes of military life? How do you handle saying goodbye to your spouse over and over again?

Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: milspouselife, saying goodbye, starting a deployment

Finding Your Inner Deployment Strength

January 11, 2021 by Julie Leave a Comment

Finding Your Inner Deployment Strength

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

It was the song, just something about the song that snapped me out of my deployment funk. It wasn’t the lyrics really, just the beat. The way the music made me feel.

We were at the end of my husband’s 2nd deployment. I was struggling a bit. He had been gone almost a year and I was so ready for him to be home. But we still had more days left. Too many.

I had taken my son out in a friend’s jogging stroller and I was listening to my iPod. Remember those?

The song, Galway Girl by Steve Earle came on and something hit me. I could do this. I could.

I started to feel strong again. And that we could make it through the rest of this deployment. That we could make it to the finish line.

I had found my inner deployment strength!

That song made me want to dance, and cry, and just show the world that this milspouse was doing it. That she was getting through her husband’s deployment. That she was finding a way to get to that finish line.

And we did. My husband came home soon after and the deployment finally ended. Somehow we made it through. Through all the long days and nights, he was finally home.

I think of that moment all the time. I thought about it during the deployments that came after and even more recent times that my husband has been away. Bringing up that memory reminds me that I am strong enough and can get through what the military life sends my way, and sometimes it sends a lot.

That memory reminds me that I am capable and I can do hard things. That I can get to a place of strength even if it doesn’t always feel like I can. That some days might be difficult but on others, I can feel like I can accomplish anything.

So if you are in the middle of a deployment, remember, you are strong enough for this. You are.

You might not always feel like you are. You might have days when making it to your kid’s bedtime seems impossible. When the thought of three more months seems unreal. When you don’t think you could ever go through another deployment again in the future.

But you will also have days filled with laughter making memories with your kids, or family and friends. You will have days where you can’t stop smiling at the thought of being with your spouse again. You will have days where you will know you got this!

And such is the way of military life. The ups and downs. The good and the bad.

As I look back, I still think about how random it was to be able to find the strength to get through the end of the deployment from a song. But sometimes that’s just how things go.

Sometimes it is a song, or a call from a friend, or even a photo that is the reminder you need to get through this. Sometimes, it doesn’t take too much to help you get to a better place and find your inner deployment strength.

Remember to give yourself grace. Remember you are not alone in this military spouse experience. Remember, this too shall pass.

What is your BEST tip for getting through a deployment???

Filed Under: Deployment Tagged With: deployment strength, milspouselife

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About Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life

Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Welcome to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life! I am so glad you are here.

My name is Julie and I have been a military spouse for 17 years!

My husband of 20+ years has served in the active-duty Army and now the Army National Guard. We have lived in Germany & Tennessee during our time as a military family.

We have three boys and have been through four deployments together.

I hope that you can find support for your own deployments, PCS moves, or anything else military life brings you 🙂

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