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Becoming Financially Ready When Your Spouse Leaves the Military

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Becoming Financially Ready When Your Spouse Leaves the Military

No one stays in the military forever. That can be an exciting, but also scary thought, especially if you have spent your adult life in military service, or married to a military member. Transitioning to an after military life is a big change, logistically, emotionally, and financially. Preparing for those challenges can make it easier – but how do you prepare for so much at the same time?

The first step is to recognize that it is a big change. Many military families are so excited for the next chapter of their life that they sometimes forget that there are a million little steps along the process. Communication and organization are key.

Spouses need to talk to each other. A lot. Figure out a way to gather the details of your transition, whether that is a notebook or a spreadsheet, or a checklist. (I have a retirement checklist, and it can be used for ETSing, too.) Take some time regularly to review your list together, and discuss how things are unfolding.

The next step is to identify the big changes that will happen in your unique transition. For some, the biggest parts are moving their family and kids starting a new school. If you’re not moving, the biggest changes for you might be a new job and/or going back to school. Consider the logistical, emotional, and financial aspects of each item.

Now, start to make a list of the things you need to do. Here are some ideas to get you started:

LogisticalEmotionalFinancial
Finding a new jobWriting a resume
Buying interview clothes
Practicing skills
Traveling for interviews		The process can be discouragingLack of income
Cost of interviewing (clothes, travel)
Delay for first paycheck
Moving houseFinding new home
Preparing to move		Balancing loss and excitementSetting up new home
Down payment/security deposit
Starting a new educational programWhat course to takeYou may feel both excitement and anxietyTuition and fees
Childcare
Lost income
Changing your state of legal residencePaperwork
Vehicle inspections
Rewriting wills		Hopefully none, but some people do feel a loss at leaving their “home” stateRegistering vehicles
New drivers licenses
Kids changing schoolsGet transfer packets
Find immunization records
Gather proof of residence		Help kids with sadness, anxiety, and trepidationNew uniforms
Sports team fees


Your list will be different, and probably a lot longer. But you don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to do it all at one time.

Start as early as possible in the transition process. Most of us know that we’ll be leaving military life a few years in advance, even if we don’t have an exact date. Take one step at a time, chipping away at your to-do list.

Bring in help whenever possible. Help might be:

  • Your best friend to help you weed through closets and drawers.
  • A family therapist to work through the emotions that come with life changes. (Your installation probably has a Military and Family Life Counselor, or Tricare has very good mental health coverage.)
  • The on-base personal financial educator to help you create a post-military budget.
  • A babysitter to give you time to do things.
  • One of the many military and civilian programs to help veterans create a resume.
  • A home stager to get your house ready to sell

Lastly, I can not emphasize enough: Make sure the service member attends the Transition Assistance Program classes. Twice if possible. If you’re the spouse, try hard to attend also! 97% of the frustrations I hear during transition are things that are covered in TAP. COVID space restrictions have made it hard for spouses to attend in many locations, but the situation seems to be improving. If you can’t get into a physical class, utilize the online version.

Most of all, give everyone some grace in this truly once-in-a-lifetime situation. While you are working through all of this, your spouse is processing their own set of concerns and challenges. Kids may be feeling the pressure, too. If things are tense, step away and let them cool down before tackling the issue in a productive way. Practice self-care, and encourage your loved ones to take care of themselves, too.

For most people, leaving the military is a big project. Just like any other big project, it will go a lot more smoothly if you plan carefully, work with your teammates (aka your spouse and kids), and bring in help when necessary. Then you can get started on your next big adventure!

Kate Horrell is an Accredited Financial Counselor® and personal financial educator who helps the military community make the most of their pay and benefits. She shares the most up-to-date information in understandable terms, and highlights how rules, programs, and laws will directly impact your personal finances. With over 10 years working with thousands of military families, she understands the concerns of currently serving, retired, and veteran families. You can find her at KateHorrell.com.

Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Military Spouses and Money: What We Should Be Thinking About

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The topic of military spouses and money can get pretty heated

The topic of military spouses and money can get pretty heated

Despite the fact that life does cost money, asking about money, your service member’s pay, or anything to do with how much money you are making can get a lot of different responses. From those who help you figure out what you need to know about money issues to others who seem to take the slightest question about finances and blow things out of proportion.

The truth is, as military spouses we need to be aware of the money coming into our homes. It doesn’t matter if we have a job and make more than our service member or if we stay at home with the kids and don’t bring in any income. Finances are important, and we need to pay attention to them.

Military spouses should have a say

When money comes into a household, that money is spent on your rent or mortgage, utilities, food, home repairs, cars, children, and more. In some marriages, both partners work. They both bring in a regular income.

For some, this means all money goes into the same account. For others, this means that you each have your own account and decide who will pay what.

The problem is when one spouse does not work for any pay, and they feel like they don’t have a right to say where the money goes. This is BS right here. You are a married couple, and you should have a say where the money goes.

If your spouse isn’t allowing you to have a say about any money simply because you don’t bring in an income at the moment, something isn’t right.

Military spouses should be allowed to work

Jobs for military spouses aren’t always easy to find. There can be a lot of barriers in our way, from where we live to what type of job we are looking for. However, your spouse saying that you can’t, even if you want to, shouldn’t be one of them.

If the couple decides together that one of them will stay home with the kids and the other will be a sole provider, that should be a joint decision. The issue isn’t becoming a SAHM or not, the issue is when a spouse wants to work and her spouse is telling her she can’t.

This can be for all sorts of reasons, but it is something a couple needs to work out. There could be a valid reason not to work for a period of time, but both spouses need to be on board. Yes, the military does come first, but that doesn’t mean a military spouse has to give up on their own dreams. There is so much we milspouses can do, even during military life.

Military couples will go through different seasons

When we got married, we both worked full-time. Over the last 19 years, my husband and I have done different things, and the percentage of how much each of us made has changed over time. While there is the traditional idea that one makes all the money and the other stays at home for all those years raising children, this isn’t quite the norm anymore.

For one thing, living on one income can be difficult, oftentimes impossible, especially when you add multiple kids to your family. There will be food and diapers, then sports and braces and the expenses never truly end.

Life with kids costs money, and having a stay-at-home part isn’t always going to work. In fact, many stay-at-home parents end up making extra money from home or even have a nighttime part-time job.

Over the course of your marriage, who makes more money might change. Not every service member stays in for 20 years and wants to be in the military for a career. Not every SAHM wants to be one forever. There are so many more options out there too, from working from home to going back to school and finding a new career.

Military families need budgets too

Having a budget is a must. That way you and your spouse can get on the same page. You can see what is coming in and what is going out.

Although one of you will probably be the one in charge of the bills and getting paid, both of you should be in on the budget to see what your goals are and how close you are to achieving them. Having a budget will keep your money in line, and allow you to work towards your financial goals.

Sometimes the service member won’t have access

As a military wife, having my husband in charge of the bills while he was deployed wouldn’t have worked. As the military spouse back at home, I could always call a bank or a credit card company. He hasn’t always been in a place where he had access.

This is an important part of getting used to military spouse life. Ask yourself what would work best. Maybe for some, having the service member in this role makes sense, but for most of us, doing so can cause more frustration.

Again, this is something you as a couple need to work out. Like anything financial, find what works best for you and your spouse. Figure out any hiccups you might have when they are away, and work them out before they leave. Financial deployment readiness is important too.

Resources about money and military

Here are some fantastic websites to check out about money and the military:

Military One Source

MilSpouse Money Mission

Military Saves

Foxtrot and Pennies

Kate Horrell: The Military Finance Coach

Military Wives Saving

Military spouses and money can be a tricky topic. There are a lot of different opinions about what you should do and what you shouldn’t do. However, at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your service member.

That might look different than what other people are doing and that is okay. Just make sure that you are working towards the life that you want and not stuck in a place where you are being left behind.

7 Truths About Money and Military Life

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7 Truths About Money and Military Life

Having a career in the military can be a great way to provide for your family with a steady paycheck. In addition to basic pay, your service member will also receive BAH, BAS, and other special pays based on what they are doing during their military career. If they deploy, they might earn extra military pay, and when re-enlisting, they might earn a bonus.

Money can be a sticky subject but there are some things to be aware of when it comes to money and military life. Here are a few things to keep in mind whether you are new to military life or have been a military spouse for some time.

Usaa and NavyFed pay a day early

Both USAA and NavyFed will pay a day early. This can get a little confusing when the 1st or the 15th falls on the weekend or even a Monday. There always seems to be some questions about when you will actually be paid. Here is a list of 2019 USAA Paydays and 2019 NavyFed Paydays.

Raises might take time

Your spouse comes home and tells you they got a raise. You re-do the budget to reflect the raise, but then, the next time they get paid, you don’t see the extra money. Raises are not always going to happen in a timely manner. The good news is, they will receive back pay based on the date they did get the raise, once it goes into effect.

If the military screws up pay, you will have to pay it back

Is your spouse still getting extra deployment pay after they get home? Does it seem like you are getting extra BAH? If you notice anything like that, please know that eventually, the military will figure it out, even if you don’t tell them.

And when they do, they will take that money back quickly. If you or your spouse notice an issue, your service member should talk to Finance, and make sure not to spend any of that extra money or you will find yourself in trouble when the military takes it back.

Saving money is always a good idea

Savings during military life is always a good idea. You never know when you might need that extra cushion. A PCS might cost you more than you think, military pay could get messed up and your spouse might end up with a less than normal paycheck, or you might need to take an emergency trip back home.

Setting up automatic savings is easy. You can usually do so with your bank. Even if you can only save $20 extra dollars a month, that can add up. Take a look at your budget and figure out where you can start saving.

You 100% need a budget

If you don’t already have a budget, start today. Having a budget is going to help you stay on top of your money. You need to take a look at all the income you and your spouse are bringing in and where all of your money goes.

Keeping a budget will also help you stay on track at the grocery store, what you spend on fun, and for clothing and other items your family needs. USAA has free budgeting tools and Mint has some free budget templates you can use.

Moving back to the US can shock your budget

If you have been stationed overseas, and move back to the US, you can be in for some sticker shock. There are a lot of expenses that can come up when you move back to the states from overseas.

You might end up living in a hotel longer than you thought you would, and could be tempted by all the stores and restaurants you have been without during your time in another country. Be smart with that and try not to go too crazy when you first move back. You will also be losing COLA, which you might have gotten used to receiving each month so make plans to redo your budget, even before you arrive back in the states.

Use a bonus wisely

During your service member’s time in the military, they might be able to earn a bonus. If they do, you are going to want to make sure to use that bonus wisely. Think about what would be best for your family.

You can use a bonus to pay off debt, put towards a new home, take a trip, save for retirement, or pad your savings. While spending a bonus upgrading all your electronics or buying a brand new car can be tempting, make sure to make wise choices with any extra money that comes into your home.


9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

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9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

There are many reasons why a military family could be on a tight budget. They could be saving for a PCS, trying to pay off debt, or trying to make their paycheck stretch a little further. There could be times during military life when you need to have a super tight budget, and times when you can spend a bit more. Whatever the reasons, there are things you can do to help you save money, not overspend, and be able to stick to your budget.

9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

Here are 9 ideas for saving money on a tight budget:

Eating out

Eating out will get you. We are a family of five, and sometimes even fast food is between $25-30. If you are doing this too many times a month, it can add up. If you do go out to eat, try to find coupons and use your military discount. Look for kids eat free nights, and be smart about what you order. Try to look at eating out as a treat, not an everyday thing.

This post contains referral/affiliate links!

Coupon

If you don’t coupon already, you should. There are many different ways to do so. From clipping the coupons that come in the mail, to using an app like Ibotta. You should also do your research about if the Commissary is truly cheaper than another grocery store in your area.

Meet friends for coffee

Going out to lunch or dinner with friends can sometimes cost $20-25. If you meet for coffee, you can spend less than $5 and still have a good time. And if you have kids, look for coffee shops by a playground. We have a few here at Fort Campbell that have been lifesavers for me over the years.

Shop thrift stores

Thrift stores can be fantastic places for finding deals. Whether it is clothes that you know your kids are going to grow out of in less than a year or replacement dishes for your kitchen. Some thrift stores have days were specific items are on sale or where they offer certain discounts. Make sure to check to see if you have an on post thrift store too.

9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

Find free events

Almost every community is going to have something free for you to do every weekend. You just have to look for what they are. On Facebook, you can search for events by city, topic, and date. If you want to do something fun with your family, look and see what is going on and what you might want to do. You can have a lot of fun at free events and can save money by going to them.

Cut your bills

Do you have cable? Cut it and get Netflix. Using too much data? Get a smaller package and save on your cell phone bill. There are different ways you can get your current bills a little lower. Even $50-100 a month can make a difference.

Say no

Saying no is powerful. You don’t have to say yes to everything. I know this is hard for some but if you can say no sometimes you will save yourself some stress and some money. If someone invites you and your kids out to a movie and you didn’t want to see it, say no. You could invite the friends over for a playdate instead. Don’t feel like you have to say yes to everything, especially when the more you say yes to the more money you will spend.

9 Ways To Save Money On A Super Tight Budget

DIY vs hiring someone

If you can do a DIY project instead of hiring someone, do it. There is a lot of advice and ideas out there for learning how to do things around your home. Check out YouTube and Pinterest for ideas.

Use your library

With a good library, you never really have to buy books. Not only can you get paperback and hardback books, but you can also get Kindle and Audiobooks using apps like the Overdrive app. Check with your library to see what they offer. In addition to books, your library might have a lot of community events going on such as movie nights, or even classes.

What creative ways have you been able to cut back on your spending and save money when you are on a tighter budget?