Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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More Than Just A Mom

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more than a mom

I always wanted to be a mom. I always wanted to get my college degree. I wanted to find a good man, get married after college, have some kids and stay at home with them. That is exactly what I did too. I have three boys that call me mom, I have been married for 13 years and I have been able to be home with them the whole time.

However…

For most of that time I have been a Work At Home Mom. I had an Ebay business back when I just had one little boy. These days I do a mix of blogging, writing, social media and my Scentsy business. I have three kids in school for three days a week. So I have chuncks of time to myself where I can get work done.

I am more than just a mom.

But sometimes…

I don’t feel like I am treated that way.

Sometimes I feel like people see that I have three boys and think that is all I could possibly have time for or all I could emotionally want to do.

But here is the thing. My boys are difficult sometimes, they do take a lot out of me but they are also not babies and I am more than just a mom.

I picked up my first camera at the age of 12. Years before motherhood began, but when I went on a photo walk a few years ago, one of the other photographers made a comment about how great it was that moms were picking up their cameras to take photos too. Really? Because my love of photography came before becoming a mother. So did a lot of other things.

I love my boys dearly but I am more than just their mother.

I am a writer. I am a reader. I am a blogger. I am a photographer. I am a friend. I am a wife. I am a business owner. I network with other work at home parents. I bring in an income and I am helping keep this family together and work towards our dreams.

And here is the thing. Whether you are a work at home mom or not, you are more than just a mom too. You are STILL the person you were 10, 15, 20 years ago. You might have changed a bit. You could have different beliefs about things but you are still that person and you are allowed to have a life beyond your kids.

You are allowed to read. You are allowed to find a job. You are allowed to go out with your friends. You are allowed to take a shower. You can do ALL of these things and still be a loving and wonderful mother.

I know my jobs might seem weird to some people. Some might not get how I could make money blogging or sharing a post on Twitter but I do. I make money. I pay taxes and I am a working member of society.

So next time you hear someone talk about working from home, believe them. Believe that they have a career too. That they are working towards a goal. I don’t care if they only make enough to send their kid to soccer camp every year or if they are bringing in $100,000+ a year. The jobs we do matter and shouldn’t just be ignored.

Do you ever run into the attitude that you are “just” a mom? That anything you do outside of it doesn’t really matter? How do you handle it?

 

Where Should My Kids Sleep?

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Where Should My Kids Sleep?

 

We moved into our current home four years ago. At the time we had a 6-year-old, 4-year-old and 9 month old. All boys. Our house is set up so our Master bedroom is downstairs. I love this because it really gives us some space. It wasn’t until we moved in here I was okay with that. We had a similar set up in our last house in Germany and we decided to put our room on the same floor with the boys. It is funny how your wants can change just by adding another child to the mix.

Before we moved in we decided to paint most of the rooms. This was a lot of fun! We even had the boys help.

We put my oldest two in the same room and then the baby had his own room, the smallest of the three upstairs. The third bedroom up there would be the office. This set up worked for a while since I had two older kids and a baby. Then the baby got a bit older and we decided to put him in with my oldest son giving our middle son his own room. At the time it made sense. He is the one with Asperger’s and he needed his space. About a year later we switched it up again because my son was asking if he could share a room with someone again. We changed things up even more putting the office into the small room and turning the former office into my oldest son’s room. This allowed my middle son to have a roommate and gave my oldest some space.

That worked for about a year and then my middle son was talking about how he wanted some space again. So I thought about it and we put my oldest and youngest together again. That is where they are now.

The issue is now my 8-year-old wants to be with one of his brothers again so we have some choices to make. We could put all three boys in one room but that is a little crazy. We could give the 4-year-old his own room, my other two had their own rooms at some point around that age. We could put the 8-year-old with the 4-year-old and give my 10-year-old his own room again but the 8 and 4-year-old don’t get along as well. We are really going to have to think about this.

So how do you decide where your kids are going to sleep?

There is a lot to think about. For my parents it was pretty easy. They just had a boy and a girl. For others it gets a little more complicated. The great thing is that you can be flexible and change things around as needed. You can get creative, making space for kids in other rooms. If your kids are older you can talk to them about what they would want and who they would want to room with.

How have you set up the rooms in your house? Has it been a challenge to figure out what the best way to do things would be? Head on over to Hello Mamas and find other moms to talk to about this or any other issues your family might be having.

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Enjoying Summer with Your Kids When You Start to Burn Out with Hello Mamas

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Enjoying Summer with Your Kids When You Start to Burn Out

Enjoying Summer with Your Kids When You Start to Burn Out

We are a month into summer vacation, things are getting a little slow and I am starting to feel a little burned out. The newness of sleeping in has worn off and it is getting hot. We still love the pool but it isn’t as new as it used to be. We have almost two more months to go and I have been thinking about how to best make it through these weeks. We have a few activities planned such as day camp and swim lessons but we also have many weeks where we will have to come up with something else fun to do.

Summer can get to a point where you just get over it and long for fall days filled with school, sweaters and Pumpkin lattes. I get to this point every year but right now I still want to enjoy summer. I want to make use of this time with my kids that I normally don’t have. I want to make memories and have a good time. Basically, I don’t want to dread the next 1.5 months because my kids are out of school. That is no way to live.

As I have been thinking about how to handle the rest of summer, these thoughts came to mind…

1) Planning the right amount of activities. I want to be busy and do a lot but at the same time, doing too much is just not going to work for our family. We need some downtime. With it being as hot as it is, sometimes it is nice just to spend some time in an air-conditioned house relaxing. It can be a hard balance because too much time at home isn’t good either.

2) Trying new things. My 4-year-old is playing a sport this summer. It’s been a lot of fun for him and he is learning new skills. My oldest also went to summer camp which he has never done before. It is great to see my kids learning about something they didn’t already know about. Even if they are a little nervous about it at first, they usually enjoy it and have found something new to love about the summer.

3) Sometimes simple is good. It would be nice to be able to have fun-filled days each and every day, take a few fun vacations and get out and see the world. But it is also nice and perfectly okay to have a simple summer. Activities such as going to the pool and the splash park might be all you need to do with the kids to have a good time. Don’t ever feel like your kids are missing out just because they aren’t doing a lot of complex activities. Simple can be just as fun and can keep them just as busy, you just have to find the right activity that they enjoy.

If summer is starting to get to you, go back to the drawing board and make some new plans. Remember that it doesn’t last forever and before you know it you will be shopping for school supplies and picking out what they will wear for the first day. Until then, enjoy your time together, make some memories and have a great rest of your summer.

How is summer going for you?

 

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I am excited to announce that I am now a Hello Mamas Blogging Influencer. If you haven’t heard of Hello Mamas, you should head on over and check it out. It is a great site to connect with other moms that you have something in common with. It’s a great too when looking for new friends or someone to connect with.

When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

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When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

 

When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

The other day there was a video being posted online about a boy throwing a tantrum in the car. Although I thought it was a little odd that they were filming and not pulling the car over, I felt sympathy for the kind of fit the kid was having.

It was the kind of fit I am familiar with.

It was just like an autistic fit.

Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the kid had no behavioral issues and was just acting like that to get his way. But maybe not.

But the thing that really struck me was the comments people were making about the kid. About if he were their son his “butt would be beat” or how their own child never would have been allowed to act that way. It gave me insight into what people could be thinking if I was out in public when my son was having a similar fit.

But it also made me feel like people just don’t get it. That they don’t understand what it is like to have a child like that.

I know for me that anytime I am anywhere and see a child with a similar fit my thoughts immediately think there is some type of special needs going on. That is based on my own experiences and what I have had to deal with.

I know that others don’t think that way and have their own opinions about the subject.

As a special needs mom I have learned to ignore a lot about what people say concerning my child. There is ignorance out there and there is acceptance. I try to surround myself with people who get it and who are not going to judge.

I really do wish that instead of assuming a child needs harsher discipline that people would take a step back and remember that most moms are doing their best and there are certain issues that some children have that cause them to act in certain ways.

That although it might not seem like it, that child could be improving. That they used to throw 5 fits a day and now they are down to 3.

That the mom was up all night because the same child doesn’t sleep and gave in when she really probably shouldn’t have. Because that happens sometimes.

That the day was going really well until something small set the child off and their parents are still learning how to handle what is happening to their son.

That the parents are still trying to wrap their minds around a diagnosis that they never saw coming.

That the fit you see is not quite as loud and harsh as it used to be and that the parents are thankful for that.

That the parents are working with professionals about how to figure out what to do next with their child.

There are so many reasons why that child is throwing a fit at the moment. You just never know what someone else could be dealing with. Give them the benefit of the doubt, offer help if it makes sense to and just be a bigger person then one that assumes they know what is best for someone else’s child.

All of us special needs moms will with thank you for it.

Feeling Weak When Others Are Strong

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Feeling Weak When Others Are Strong

 

I love social media, I really do. I can’t imagine life without it these days but sometimes it can really frustrate me. Sometimes I think we only want to post about ourselves when we are strong. When we have it all put together and when everything is happy-go-lucky. I even hear people talk about how one should never complain on social media because it brings others down.

Really?

Now I agree, someone who is going to complain 24/7, on every post or even in real life every time you see them is going to bring others down. However, I do think it is okay to vent, complain or even share that you are not at your best.

There is this idea, especially in Military circles, that we are strong, all the time. That nothing can stand in our way. That we can conquer every little thing. Well, for me, that isn’t always true. There are some days I do feel strong, that I do feel like I have it all together but there are other days I don’t. There are days I feel very weak and days I don’t think I can really get through what I need to get through. I look around me and see others being so strong, doing it all and then some, being able to figure it all out, never getting upset or shedding a tear.

In reality I know that no one is that together all of the time. It is the face we present to the world. It is very easy to just show the good and happy moments.

Still, when I wake up sad and wonder how I will make it through the day without breaking down, I see people being strong through much harder circumstances and I wonder if something is wrong with me. That I am letting what I am going through bring me down so much and that they have figured out a way to get through it. Then I remember that I see 100% of myself and what I am going through and we really only see 10-20% of what others are going through. There is that quote about not comparing our “novel” with someone else’s “cliff notes” and that is so true.

I shouldn’t feel badly that I am having a bad day or that I feel like I couldn’t handle anymore stress at the moment just because someone else doesn’t seem to have an issue with it. We were all made differently with our own strengths and weaknesses. We can go through the exact same thing as someone else and have a totally different experience with it. And there are probably other circumstances they have gone though that they felt were very difficult that I didn’t think twice about.

I think it is important to have the right “tools” to get through stressful situations. Things to do such as praying or writing in a journal. People to talk with such as a best friend, family member or counselor. Still, some days those tools don’t work right and you just need to have a good cry or a good sob in some cases.

Sometimes it is because of a drill weekend right when I just need to spend time with my husband, sometimes it is because of my son’s special needs, sometimes it is because I am so homesick for my family and other times it is everything all put together.

It’s so hard to feel weak when others seem like they are so strong. Do you struggle with this too? What do you do about it?

 

 

What My Mom Taught Me

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What My Mom Taught Me

My mom is one of the best. She has taught me so much over the years. She was a teacher by profession but she also taught me so many things over the years. She is still teaching me, even though I am 43.

She taught me to say please and thank you. I hear her voice even now reminding me about how important that is.

She taught me to be kind to everyone. I see how kind and caring she is to those around her and I want to be like that too.

She taught me to have fun. That sometimes you should do something a little silly. I have tried to be like that with my own kids as well.

She taught me about shopping. She might not think I was paying attention all those years when I wanted to be with my Dad at the bookstore instead of trying on clothes in the rest of the mall, but I was. She taught me how to look for deals and that you can in fact find nice shirts for as low as $5 if you know where to look.

She taught me the importance of family and that I should be nice to my brother. She wanted us to be friends and even though it took a very long time to get there, my brother and I are friends and I know that warms her heart after the years of sibling rivalry.

She taught me that a mom gives up herself, even if she doesn’t want to.

She taught me that even though you are a mom, even a stay at home mom, having your own dreams and interests is also just as important as raising your children.

She taught me to never give up and that if you want something bad enough, you might have to try a few different methods to get it.

Through her recent illness she has taught me that although life isn’t always perfect, having a good support system and a positive attitude can go a long way. She is so strong and I am inspired by her ability to get better and find ways to find support when it feels like no one else knows what she is going through.

She taught me to look for the good in everyone. To walk in someone else’s shoes before you judge them. You never really know what their story might be.

My mom has taught me so much. And even though I get a lot of my personality and my interests from my father, I see a lot of myself in her too. I was lucky to be raised by such a woman and looking forward to the day when we live close to one another again.

What have you learned from your mom, grandma or the other motherly figure in your life?

How You Know You Are In An All Boy Family

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How You Know You Are In An All Boy FamilyMy house is an all boy house.  We have no little girls here.  Mommy is the only one sporting the pink.  My 10 year old loves green, my 8 and 4 year old love blue. Walk into our house and you will probably be able to tell pretty quickly that we are an all boy home.

This is why…

1. Legos Legos everywhere.  Lego Star Wars, Lego Avengers, Lego Harry Potter…I think we have a little bit of everything. Girls love Legos too, I played with them as a child but they are all over the place here. Sets and figures and video games.

2. We won’t be selling any Girl Scout cookies.  My oldest was in Cub scouts and I learned pretty quickly that it is different from my experience with Girl Scouts.  Either that or things have changed a lot since I was a kid. The Boy scouts sell popcorn. While the popcorn is good, it isn’t like Girl Scout cookies. No one is waiting for them to come out. You can pretty much buy the same thing at a grocery store. I always buy from two or three little girls because I was a Girl Scout for 12 years and the cookies are just that good!

3. No shopping in the pink aisle.  I love Barbie and girly toys but that isn’t what my boys want.  I go over to the pink aisle to shop for friends and family but not my own kids.  It is like going to a foreign land.  An area I am not a part of anymore. I have always been open to having dolls and girl stuff around but my boys? They don’t want it.

4. Everything is a gun.  I am not too big on toy guns but we have a few.  Mostly Nerf guns.  But what I have learned is that little boys turn almost anything into a gun.  And if they have nothing else, a finger also works. Everytime friends come over they want to grab the Nerf guns and head outside where they pretend to be Star Wars guys or whatever else their minds come up with.

5. Potty training is difficult.  Yes, I know there are boys out there that train early and there are girls out there that take their time, but taking an informal poll of friends with both sexes, boys are usually harder to potty train than girls.

6. The Boys bathroom. Any mom with a boy knows how messy their bathroom can get. Whenever I look at houses and think about searching for one with just 1.5 baths, I just remind myself about having boys. I need my own bathroom. Boys are messy.

I have heard that boys are harder as young kids and then as they get older they are a little bit easier. I have also heard that it is the opposite for girls. I am not sure if that is true but it kind of seems to lean that way. Either way, kids are hard and I love being a mom of all boys.

Are you a mom of all boys?  How many do you have?

 

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Moms Need Free Time

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Moms Need Free time

Moms Need Free Time

I have noticed a trend and I don’t like it. Moms not having any free time for themselves. Not having any time for any little break ever. No time to watch a tv show, read a book, go exercise, have coffee with a friend or go shopping. That their days are so full that there is simply no time for any downtime.

Moms need free time. It doesn’t have to be hours or even every single day, but it needs to happen. But here is the thing about free time, sometimes you HAVE to plan for it. It might not just be able to happen, especially if you have small babies and/or a deployed husband. You have to figure out how to give yourself a break. And not feel guilty when you do.

Free time really isn’t free. It is usually planned. When you are a mom, you have to make sure your kids are safe and with another family member, your husband or a babysitter. You can’t just leave and go for coffee if you don’t have that part figured out. Even though your husband is just as much a Dad as you are a Mom, in a lot of causes you are the default parent. This is even more common in Military families because the Military can be quite demanding.

Free time can happen during the day, during nap time, if your kids are in school, after they go to bed or even while they are awake. Something as simple as reading a book while your kids are playing with their toys.

Find something for you that doesn’t have to do with your kids. Read, write, sew, train for a marathon, garden, volunteer, etc. Find something that makes your soul feel good and allow you to relax a bit. You need it. We all do. Leave the kids with your husband and plan a dinner with your friends, take your mom up on her offer to watch the kids to go out with your husband, join a gym and go when your husband gets home from work, join a book club, stick the kids in the stroller and go for a walk, there are so many things you can do to take some time out for you.

And stop saying you don’t have ANY time for yourself. If this is true MAKE time. Figure out a way to get it. Moms need free time and that includes you too. The refresh will make you a better mom, a better wife and will add balance to your life. I know we are all so busy with being a mom, with our jobs, with our church, with sports, making dinner and everything else we have to do. But a balanced life includes a little bit of time just for ourselves, a little bit of time to think and regroup.

How do you make time for yourself? Do you think moms need free time too? What do you like to do in your free time?