Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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How to Survive a Deployment Right After Moving Overseas

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When Your Spouse Deploys Right After An Overseas PCS

Okay, I hear the panic in your voice. You just moved across the world to an overseas location, maybe Germany, or Japan, or Guam, or somewhere you have never been before, and you don’t know a soul. And to add to that, your spouse deployed soon after. Before you even finished unpacking.

I have been there myself. I moved to Germany with my 18-month-old to join my husband, only to get pregnant and have him deploy for over a year just a few months later. We were still settling in when he left.

When Your Spouse Deploys Right After an Overseas PCS

You just want to cry all day long. You just want to fast-forward time. You just want to get through the months apart, but how are you going to do that?

All your friends are half a world away. You don’t even know what to do for fun in your new home. What in the world to do?

Take a Deep Breath: You Are Not the Only One

First of all, take a deep breath. Remember, you are not the only military spouse who feels this way. So now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s commit to turning this deployment from a survival exercise to a thriving exercise.

Is it going to be easy? No! Are you going to break down sometimes? Yes. But there are things you can do to get through this season of deployment.

When Deployment Starts Right After an Overseas Move

Moving overseas and then saying goodbye to your spouse soon after can feel like too much all at once. You are still learning where the grocery store is, how your new community works, and what life looks like in a place that does not feel like home yet.

  • Start small. You do not have to figure out your whole overseas life in one week.
  • Make a plan. A calendar, a few goals, and things to look forward to can help the days feel less endless.
  • Find your people. Look for spouse groups, local events, neighbors, book clubs, playgroups, or anyone who helps you feel less alone.
  • Explore one step at a time. A short walk, a new café, a USO event, or a photo walk can help your new home feel less overwhelming.

Start With a Simple Deployment Plan

Next, I want you to buy a monthly calendar. I also want you to grab a journal, a pen, and a hot cup of coffee or tea and sit down at your dining room table.

Okay, once you have done that, I want you to take your journal and make a list of all the things you have ever wanted to do, learn, or start. Maybe you wanted to learn how to edit videos and start a YouTube channel. Maybe you wanted to start running. Maybe you want to get back into reading?

Fill Your Calendar With Things to Look Forward To

After you have made your to-do list, you need to start planning. Take out your phone, head to Facebook, and look up events in your area. Join a group for your duty station. Join a group for your new country. And fill up that calendar.

If you like to read, put book releases on there. If you love movies, put those too. Add when your favorite TV shows are coming out. The goal? Have something to look forward to each and every day.

“You can miss your spouse and still build a life in your new home.”

Find Friends at Your New Overseas Duty Station

Now, it’s time to find some friends. You are going to want to go to things that interest you. See what groups they have locally that you can join. That’s where you will start.

You also have neighbors; smile and say hello when you see them. Make conversation.

So now you should have a deployment to-do list, things on your calendar, and a plan for making friends. Now, you need to fill in the gaps.

Explore Your New Home One Small Step at a Time

If you are still looking for things to do, here are some more ideas:

Take a walk around your new duty station, or the areas surrounding it. Go on a photo walk. Try a new food. Sign up for a USO trip or an event. Just go and do one thing a day.

You Can Miss Your Spouse and Still Build a Life Overseas

The truth about deployments is you will miss your spouse, but with a little bit of planning you can find your way through. While you might be tempted to crawl into bed and stay there for months on end, you know that is not the best way through.

Each military spouse has to find what works for them. Whether you work outside the house or are an SAHM. Whether you have a lot going on, or you need to fill up your calendar. Find what works for you and use this time of deployment to grow as a person, work on projects you may not have had time for before, and make some memories for yourself. You will be glad you did.

Frequently Asked Questions About Deployment After an Overseas PCS

What should I do if my spouse deploys right after we move overseas?

Start by giving yourself time to adjust. Then make a simple plan for your deployment season: fill your calendar, find local groups or events, explore your new area slowly, and look for other military spouses who understand what you are going through.

How can I make friends at a new overseas duty station?

Look for duty station Facebook groups, spouse groups, book clubs, playgroups, USO events, local classes, and neighborhood opportunities. You do not have to meet everyone at once. Even one good connection can make deployment feel less lonely.

How can I stay busy during deployment overseas?

Create a deployment bucket list, plan small outings, start a hobby, read more, take walks, explore your new community, sign up for local events, and give yourself something to look forward to each week.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed after moving overseas as a military spouse?

Yes. Moving overseas is a major transition, and deployment can make that transition feel even harder. Feeling lonely, overwhelmed, or unsure of what to do next does not mean you are failing. It means you are adjusting to a lot at once.

Celebrating the Holidays Overseas When You Are Stationed in Guam

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If you’re like me, you probably have a soft spot for the cheesiness and heart of Hallmark Christmas movies. Like clockwork, the characters embrace their hometowns, are changed for the better, and are filled with holiday cheer. While we probably aren’t running our family’s bakery or tree farm, there’s a part of all of us that dreams about being home for the holidays surrounded by our loved ones.

However, for military families like us that are stationed overseas, going home is often impossible when thousands of dollars and so many hours of travel time stand in our way. There is a level of loss and heaviness as we see our group chats and social media feeds filled with beloved traditions that we are forced to miss yet again. The holidays remind us, more than any other time of year, how much we miss. 

That isn’t to say, however, that the holidays are always a blue season. In our two years in Guam, my husband and I have found joy by recreating our favorite traditions and forging new ones. 

  1. Leaning on Friends

Like so many people, we found comfort in participating in a Friendsgiving this year. We traveled with three other families to nearby Saipan for a long weekend filled with food, friendship, and lots of time at the pool. We had the traditional fixings of turkey and stuffing, but there was also a sizeable sushi buffet and various island favorites. In a holiday centered around gratitude, we were thankful to have friends who have become our community.

Last Christmas, I travelled back home to visit my family, but my husband had to stay behind because of work commitments. I worried about him becoming lonely, but he was warmly included by his friends. From being welcomed into a family dinner on Christmas Eve to making a breakfast casserole on Christmas with two other friends who were away from their families, he made memories he still fondly recounts. 

  1. Making New Traditions

During our first Thanksgiving in Guam, I felt discouraged and overwhelmed at the idea of making a traditional dinner with all the fixings just for my husband and me. My husband suggested that we take a trip during that long weekend and totally reinvent what we would normally eat. We took a short plane ride to Tokyo and ate endless courses of sushi on Thanksgiving. Immersing ourselves in a new city and culture helped us to create new memories, and we want to find ways to include sushi in all of our Thanksgiving dinners now! 

  1. Finding the Familiar When You’re Far Away

While there is a lot that has changed in our lives, there are some simple things we have kept the same. We still set up our Christmas tree and enjoy viewing Christmas decorations. Whether it’s the giant Christmas tree at the mall, festive decorations in hotel lobbies (including an impressive gingerbread house), or watching a Christmas parade, there are familiar nods to home everywhere we look.

It might be over 80 degrees outside, but that doesn’t mean we can’t turn our television into a virtual fireplace and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate. I’m looking forward to baking Christmas cookies, wrapping presents, and attending Christmas Eve mass. The military takes so many things out of our control, but focusing on what we can is what makes all the difference. 

While there’s nothing quite like being home for the holidays, military families know that home is wherever we’re currently stationed. In whatever country or continent we find ourselves in, we find new and familiar ways to make the holidays special. 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel.. https://www.katiereads.com/

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here! 

When You Are Stationed Overseas for the Holidays

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I love her books but haven’t read this one yet.

Christmas 2008, my friend and I took our kids out to the local Christmas Market. We lived in a small village and even they had a small Christmas market. I love Germany during the Christmas season. They go big. Every town square is decorated. Most towns and villages have their own Christmas markets and you can tell the whole country is ready to celebrate.

We spent 4 holiday seasons in Germany and each one was so magical. If you are lucky enough to be overseas for the holidays, take advantage of what is going on around you. Once you move back to the states you will no longer be surrounded by the culture. You want to take advantage of that experience.

What You Need to Do When You Are Overseas for the Holidays

So what should you do when you are overseas for the holidays? Here are some ideas!

Visit Local Events

Whether you visit the Christmas markets in Germany or the light displays in South Korea, be a part of the culture and embrace what the country does to celebrate. You will make fun memories and have a lot of good stories to tell people back home about your holiday experiences in another country. Sometimes your military installation will also have events based on where you live. See what is going on and what you can be a part of. Remember, people in the US pay a lot of money to visit these same places during this time of year. You are already there, embrace what your host country has to offer.

Adopt a New Tradition

Learn a new tradition that will work for your family that you can take back home with you. For example, St. Nicholas Day. This is celebrated on December 6 in Germany. Children leave out their shoes and St. Nicholas will come by during the night and fill them with goodies. You also will get a chance to meet St. Nicholas around German towns and villages. If you happen to be able to be stationed in more than one overseas location, you can turn your own family’s holiday season into a mix of traditions you have picked up from all the places you have lived.

Think Outside the Box

Sometimes you are going to have to think outside the box when you are overseas for the holidays. If your Christmas day has always included making a big turkey but your overseas apartment doesn’t have a big enough oven to cook one, think about what else you can do. Why not make a traditional holiday meal based on what the locals eat? Or, invite your neighbors over for a potluck asking them to bring their favorite dishes. If it seems weird to do the holidays differently, just think of the changes as a new experience and one you won’t be able to have later on down the road when you are back in the states.

Take Photos and Share

Take a lot of pictures of your holiday and what you did to celebrate while you are overseas. Family and friends back home would love to see what you did that was different from what they do back home. You could also make a special scrapbook about your holidays overseas. One that you can look back at years in the future or share with your children who might not have remembered those years.

Even if you do go home for Christmas, see what holidays traditions you can take part of before you leave. Embrace your tempory country and learn from the people who call the country home. Enjoy the holiday season and make new memories with your family and new friends.

What holiday traditions do you plan to adopt from the country you are currently living in?

4 Things I’d Do Differently if I PCSed Back to Okinawa

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4 Things I’d Do Differently if I PCSed Back to Okinawa

“Everything is weird” was my initial gut reaction after moving home to the United States not quite two months ago. I am sure it was also my reaction three plus years ago when first arriving on Okinawa—the little subtropical island which is home to 13 U.S. military bases.

I essentially have no regrets about my time as an honorary island girl, but if I ever got the chance to PCS back to Okinawa again, there are few things I would do differently, or at least do more of.

When your time on Okinawa or in Japan wraps up, there are sure to be bucket list items you didn’t get to. For example, my husband and I always said we wanted to tour the Naval Underground area from WWII, and, well…nope, we never did do that. But that’s not the kind of “do more” that I mean.

Absolutely make your list of things you want to see and do and try to check them off, but when I say “do more,” I mean knock out the big stuff. If it’s your first time on the island, here are my take-aways as someone who has “been there, done that.”

Before moving to Okinawa, I was sure a car would not be necessary. I had traveled to Tokyo and figured it would be very similar. And, of course, I was wrong! There are public buses on Okinawa, plenty of taxis, and a monorail in the Naha area, but the majority of folks find a car the easiest way to get around. 

So, buy an island car and don’t be afraid to drive it. Yes, the steering wheel is on the opposite side of the car. Yes, you’ll hit the windshield wipers when you meant to use your turn signal (also known as “the Okinawa wave”), and yes, you’ll probably drive down the wrong side of the road at least once, but let’s hope not more than twice! Remember, you’ll also be giving yourself the opportunity to get out of the house more and have a lot of adventures.

Learn Japanese. You’ll pick up the very basics even without trying very hard, but three years is a relatively short time to learn a new language. I’m almost embarrassed by how little I learned. Give it some effort and see how far your learning can take you. Knowing just a little extra vocabulary and a few common phrases will enrich your experiences when you are out and about.

Meet more people. Isn’t this great advice no matter where your duty station is located? However, when you are living overseas, it is really important to avoid isolating yourself. It will be harder to get home to see family and friends, and it might even be difficult to communicate with them while living in a different time zone. Surround yourself with people who can keep your island days nice and bright, just as they should be.

And lastly, worry less. An OCONUS PCS is a huge deal, often more difficult than other PCS moves you may have been through. Do whatever you need to do in order to worry less about what’s going to happen and what it’s going to be like on Okinawa, or in Japan (or wherever else your service member’s career may take you). It’s not worth it to be concerned about all the “What if?” scenarios. You’ll wind up missing out on all the, “Wow, isn’t that amazing!” moments.

Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post by Angie Andrews

Having a Baby Overseas

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Having a Baby Overseas

Having a Baby Overseas

If on my wedding day you would have told me I would have a child in a different country, I would not have believed you. However, my 2nd little boy was born in Bavaria, in a German hospital with a German midwife and OB.

Thankfully my mom came to stay with us since my husband was deployed. He ended up missing the birth by three days. They sent him home on R&R, but the little guy just couldn’t wait.

I enjoyed giving birth in Germany, but the time after I gave birth was tough and lonely.

My mom couldn’t stay with me because there just wasn’t room and she had to be with my two-year-old. I missed my husband and was wishing he could be there with me. I couldn’t get comfortable, and I didn’t like the food.

Having a baby overseas

Giving birth overseas was nothing like my first birth, and that was hard to come to terms with. One night I asked the nurse for a diaper, and she couldn’t understand what I was saying until I used the word,”Pampers” instead. I was frustrated by the language barrier and mad at myself for not doing something about that before I got to the hospital.

If I had to do things over again, I would have taken a German class when I first moved there, or even when I was still in the states.

Although I was able to pick up a tiny amount of German, learning the language would have helped during my pregnancy and birth. Although a lot of Germans do speak English, some do not and knowing how to speak German would have been very helpful during my time in the German hospital.

Germany is a lot more pro-natural childbirth than the US is. They didn’t pressure me to get the epidural when I didn’t want one, and they did not push an induction. They did want me to have an enema which was an interesting experience.

After I gave birth the doctor told me that my birth went so well I should have had a home birth. I don’t think you would hear that very often from an OB in the US. At the time, I wanted a natural birth so giving birth in Germany made that much easier.

Having a baby in Germany

I will always look at my middle son as my Germany baby and remember how he came into this world. How his Dad missed the birth, but how my mom stepped in when he couldn’t. How her being there bonded us in a way I am thankful for.

I love that I had experience giving birth overseas as doing so was very different from my experiences giving birth with my other two boys in the US. When I look back at my time as a military spouse, giving birth overseas will be a big part of my story.

If you are getting ready to give birth in a different country, think about what an amazing experience doing so can be.

  • Make sure to ask questions
  • Find out what is different from what you are used to
  • Take a tour of the hospital
  • Take a class about giving birth in your host country
  • Talk to others who have given birth in the same hospital
  • Get prepared for the hospital stay
  • Learn the language if you are able to

The more you know about what the birth will be like the better prepared you will be and the better experience you will have.

Having a baby overseas

Have you ever given birth overseas? Where were you and what was it like?

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

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How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

We got on the train headed for our new home in Schweinfurt, Germany. I had never been to Europe before. I hadn’t even been to Canada. Only parts of Mexico back in high school. I was in another world, but one that looked similar to my own.

As we got on that train, filled with German businessmen and women, I realized something that stuck with me during our time overseas. That no matter where you live or where you grew up, people are people and just trying to do the best they can do each day.

Over the four years, we were in Germany, I learned so much about our world and even myself. Being over there wasn’t always a picnic, but I am so thankful that we spent the time we did overseas. I honestly believe that being stationed overseas will change you forever and that if you get the chance to go there, you should. Even if you are scared, even if you have never left home before in the past.

Going overseas will open your eyes

You will learn more, see more and do more than you ever would have if you had only stayed in your country. You will be challenged, and you will have some of your preconceived notions shaken out of you. You can’t help that as you see other cultures and realize that the world is a much bigger place than you ever thought it could be.

Going overseas will open you to travel

Traveling can be scary for some people. The PCS might be the first time you have been out of your comfort zone. Being overseas will help you get used to traveling. For one thing, you will have to make that long airplane flight across the ocean. For another, you will be more likely to travel and explore in your overseas location. You will take that traveling bug back home with you and will want to keep traveling as the years go by. There is so much to see in our world, and you will want to see as much of it as possible.

Going overseas will make you more compassionate

By spending time overseas, you will learn more about humanity and this will make you a more compassionate person. No longer will your own worldview be the only one you are exposed to. Military life will do this anyway but add in an overseas tour, and you will encounter even more people you would never have. This is a good thing. I believe that if more people could travel there would be a lot less hate in our world.

Going overseas will make you more creative

When you are overseas, you can’t help but notice the local customs of your host country. Some of them you will want to take home with you. You will also see how other countries do things and will want to work towards similar changes when you return home. Before you moved overseas, you might not have realized why other countries do the things they do or how they work out in real life. Now that you know, you can bring back some of those ideas into your communities back home.

Going overseas will make you appreciate home

You will miss a lot about the United States when you are overseas, and that can get difficult at times. Once you are back in the states, you will be able to enjoy what you missed again. Whether it is how close your family is or taking trips to your favorite landmarks, going overseas will help you appreciate where you come from.

Not everyone gets to experiences pcsing overseas when they are in the military so if you do, take advantage of your time over there. Learn what you can and bring that back home with you. A PCS overseas will change you forever, and that can be a magnificent thing.

Have you ever been stationed overseas? Where at?

Living In Vicenza, Italy

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Happy to have this guest post by Stephany on Vicenza, Italy. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

living in italy

From the minute I stepped off the plane in Venice, Italy, I knew life would be a bittersweet combination of challenges and fun adventures. While I enjoy the beauty of Italy’s scenic mountains and greenery, I’ve learned that like any rose bush, Italy has its thorns too.

I had been to Venice a year ago with my husband and was surrounded by Italians who spoke English and were happy to serve American patrons. I naively thought the rest of Italy would welcome us with open arms until I moved here. A new army installation was opening shortly after I arrived (Caserma Del Din) and was violently protested by Italians who cut into the fence and forced their way in. Some Italians don’t want our troops here because they believe it will bring war onto their home front.

I also came to Italy with the preconceived notion that it would be cheap to travel all of Europe. My husband and I went to Rome and spent a little over $400 round-trip just for train fare. We spent close to a thousand total on food, lodging and travel. Needless to say, we haven’t ventured far since Rome. In addition, the cost of living is higher because the US dollar is equivalent to 0.70€.

The obvious solution would be to get a job so we have extra spending money for trips, however, this has proven to be difficult. The US has an agreement with Italy called the SOFA agreement which basically states US citizens can’t work in the Italian economy and 70% of jobs on post must go to Italian citizens.

However, there is a silver-lining to this proverbial thorn bush I call home. For starters, I live in northern Italy which is surrounded by beautiful mountains and it rains a bit which makes all the foliage green. Whenever it rains, the skies are clear the next day and every crevice and snowcap can be seen on the mountains. This is a treat for a Texas girl like myself who is from a drought-ridden city where the grass is brown and the ground is flat.

While I mentioned earlier that traveling can be expensive, there are plenty of places close by to see. Verona, Venice, Asiago (yes, this is where the cheese asiago comes from), and Pisa (you know, the leaning tower) are all within an hour or two away. I went to Verona to see the house of Juliet and even wrote her a letter! I’ve been to Venice a handful of times and I’m going to Milan in a few days! There is so much to see; wineries are everywhere, olive oil factories let you harvest olives and give a tour, and so much more. Surprisingly, there are wives here who are unhappy and it’s because they never get out and explore this beautiful country.

Along with traveling, I’ve enjoyed the food (maybe a little too much!) Italians are all about enjoying their meals and it’s taught me a few things. Unlike fast-paced Americans, Italians believe in enjoying meals and it’s not something to be rushed – it’s a marathon not a race. Dinner is served in courses and enjoyed in a large group of family and friends over several hours of delicious food and conversation. After dinner, it’s customary to drink coffee or even liquor as a digestive. I hope to adopt this belief of enjoying food slowly instead of shoveling it in my mouth long after we move.

My advice to any families PCSing to Vicenza, Italy is to 1) get involved in the military community (FRG, soldiers’ theater, community club, volunteer, etc) and/or make friends. It can get lonely here if you don’t get out of the house and I believe this is why lots of wives are unhappy here. 2) Come with an open mind. It’s a different culture here and it’s a different way of life, driving in Italy is very different (in place of traffic lights, there are traffic circles aka roundabouts), some restrooms are simply a hole in the ground (called a squatty potty because you have to squat to pee). 3) Lower enlisted are only allowed one POV, so make friends with other families so your husband can carpool and you can have a car when you need one. It’s tough having only one car out here but taxes are high if you have two cars and it’s not feasible unless you or your husband are higher enlisted and can afford it.

Stephany is currently living with her husband Travis in Vicenza, Italy. She has a passion for writing and a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Texas, hook ‘em horns! When she’s not writing, she’s out walking her dog or spending time at home with her husband. She loves doing arts and crafts, making salt scrubs, bath fizzies, care packages, and sewing pillows.

 

After Two years and Three Months What Do I Really Miss About Germany

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It has been 2 years and 3 months since we got on an airplane and left Germany after being stationed over there. A lot of people come back from Germany missing it like crazy. They don’t enjoy being in the US and want to go back. We were not like that. We were so ready to not live in Germany anymore. We were so ready to be back in the US. We were so happy to have that chapter close in our lives.

Schweinfurt

Well now it has been a while. It can be common to miss certain things about places you didn’t fully enjoy after time passes. With Germany, I can’t stay I really miss it but there are things I do miss about it. Sometimes when I am talking to others who have been there or about my experiences in Germany something pops into my head and I realize I miss it. There are a lot of things I really love about the US but here are a few things I miss about our four years in Germany.

1) The close-knit Military community. There is just something about it you can’t find in the US. You are all in a foreign country together. You have to make friends and you spend a lot of time together. Not that I don’t here but it is just different there. I bet you know what I mean if you have ever been stationed there.

German Swimming Pool2) Their pools. Germans have awesome pools. The one I remember the most was in Schweinfurt. It was a huge complex with the coolest children’s pool I have ever seen. Lots of fun!

3) Their baked goods. There is a German bakery in town that has yummy German baked goods but it isn’t too easy to get to. It is more like a treat. In Germany these types of places are everywhere.

4) Walking. I miss how easy it is to walk everywhere there and how so many people do it. Here it is not easy to walk anywhere. Frustrates me.

5) Sunsets. I am not sure if it is because there are so many more grey days in Germany (which I do not miss at all) but Germany seemed to have such nice sunsets when it wasn’t grey. I remember I could look out the window of our apartment into the sunset…so pretty.

There are other little things I miss like the flowers or the trips we went on. As nice as those things were I am not sure I would want to be stationed there again. Ask me again in a couple of years 🙂

Schweinfurt

Have you been stationed overseas? Where? Do you miss it? What do you miss?