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Special needs

A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

April 2, 2021 by Julie 2 Comments

In January of 2012, we sat in the doctor’s office and heard what we had suspected about our then five-year-old son. After three or four months of testing, meeting with the doctor, and answering questions about him, our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s.

As we were waiting to hear what his diagnosis was, I did my own research and came to the same conclusion. It was the only thing that made any sense. My biggest fear going into that appointment was not that he would tell me what was wrong with my son, it was that he would tell me nothing was wrong because I knew in my heart something was.

Asperger’s. Autism. High functioning Autism. A different type of life. Special needs. ABA. Fits. Misunderstandings. Love.

On this day, April 2nd, World Autism Awareness Day, I wanted to write to my son. He is 14 now, and we have come so far since that day in 2012, but I know that we have a long way to go.

I wrote this letter to him when he was 11, right before we started into the teen years.


A Letter To My Son With Autism On World Autism Awareness Day

To my little boy,

First of all, I have to tell you how much I love you. I still remember the day you were born, right in the middle of your Dad’s deployment. I remember they gave you to me and we had to wait for them to move us to the recovery room. And when it was time to do that, they wheeled us there on the bed, and I felt like a queen in a parade, holding my new bundle.

That day, that night, I had no idea what our journey of mother and son would take us. Would you be like your older brother? Would you be like me? Like your dad?

As you grew, I watched you closely. I was concerned about speech delays, which your brother struggled with. But you didn’t seem to have any issues there. You started talking, and I thought everything was going along the way things should.

Then we moved to Tennessee, and as you grew from a young toddler to a preschooler, my mommy heart started to worry. I began to notice how hard playing with other kids was. Sometimes you destroyed the castles they had built out of blocks. Sometimes you yelled at them. Sometimes you hit. And when we asked you why you told us it was because they were doing it wrong.

I wondered what I was doing wrong as a parent. I wondered what else I should be doing.

Then I told myself all kids could hit at that age. Preschoolers aren’t exactly known for their sharing abilities. I told myself that you were having a difficult time because you had never been to daycare before, that you were just not used to being around so many kids. We had playdates, but I didn’t leave you as often back then.

As you started at a regular preschool, I knew in my heart something wasn’t quite right. I knew you were struggling there. But why? Why were you always getting in trouble? What was going on?

That’s when we decided we needed to figure out what was going on. Your regular doctor didn’t think anything was going on at first, but I pushed. I had to. I needed answers. And then that day in January, we got them.

Asperger’s. That is what you had. That was what you would be dealing with. That is what would make you you.

We started with ABA, and they helped us so very much. You started kindergarten and with that all types of new challenges. You didn’t want to go to school; you didn’t see why you had to be there.

But we worked hard, so hard. The years went by, and as they did, I got to watch you grow. Before, when the bus came to pick you up, you would resist. Now, you run out there on your own.

This isn’t to say we don’t still have challenges, we do. But what once was an everyday struggle, changed to once a week and these days more like a once a month of that type of struggle. As I look back over the years, I know you are going to be okay because we have come so far already.

I know that school is hard for you, but I also know that you can do school. You can get through it, and you can make it work for you.

I know that making friends is hard for you too, but I also see that you want to reach out and that you will find your people too. I know you will.

I am so thankful you and your older brother are best friends. I hope that you can have that with your younger brother someday too. Your brothers will always be there for you, they have your back, and they want the best for you too.

I love seeing you excited and happy about something. Sometimes that is Disneyland, other times it is when you figure out how to get through a video game or when we stop and check out the cats at the pet store.

I know that you have your dad’s sense of humor. Sometimes this is hard to see, through the everyday struggles, but it is there.

I know sometimes life is harder for you than it should be for an 11-year-old.

On those days I wish I could grab you up and take you away from all the hard things life brings. But the truth is, you need to work through them. But as you do, you know you will always have me by your side. I will always be there to listen and to help you get through it, whatever the struggle might be.

I am not sure what life will be like for you as an adult. I am not sure what will be hard for you and what won’t be a challenge anymore. I do know that you will go on and do great things. I know this. 

I am so proud of how far you have come. You work hard to make your way in this world, even when you don’t understand it. Even when it doesn’t make any sense to you.

Always remember that your Dad and I love you and will always be there for you. To walk with you through this life, and be there to help when we can.

Love to you forever,

Mom.


Do you have a child on the autism spectrum too?

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Filed Under: Asperger's, Military Children Tagged With: asperger's, Autism, military children, military families, Special needs

To The Special Needs Moms

May 13, 2019 by Julie Leave a Comment

To The Special Needs Moms

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I researched everything. I wanted to make all the right choices. I wanted to avoid anything that could put him at a disadvantage. I wanted to prepare as much as I possibly could, for his birth, for his babyhood, and beyond.

And when he was born, I realized pretty quickly that making parenting decisions based on a book, or even on other’s experiences was so very different than raising your own child. Don’t get me wrong, parenting advice books and hearing other’s stories are a good thing. There is a lot you have to learn before you have a baby.

But, when you have special needs kids, you kinda want to throw all those books out the window. You want to figure out what is best for your kid, and that might be hard to figure out. And it can be hard to relate to others during your parenting journey.

I first noticed something was going on with my oldest when he was about two. We had moved to Germany when he was 18 months old and found some friends with kids similar ages. But around two, I noticed something. These other kids were talking, and my son was not.

Something was up, I just knew it. Over the next year, we found out he had a developmental delay, especially in speech. These days, at 14, he is a different kid. But it took a lot to get there.

Fast forward a few years and his little brother is turning two and talking on schedule. I was so worried but he didn’t have the same delays his brother did. But then…when he was three we started to notice some other things.

He would get mad at other kids when they wanted to play with him.

He would get in trouble every day during Pre-K.

He would focus on one thing for a very long time.

He acted like we never told him no, that we let him do whatever he wanted. But we did tell him no, he was just on his own path.

When he was five, we discovered what was going on. He had Asperger’s. He had Autism. Now we knew better how to help him.

And we have. He is 12 now. He is going to be a teenager this year, and we have come so far.

And still I struggle.

When I am sitting with a group of moms and they talk about that kid at their child’s school and how awful he is.

When something that comes so easy to other children, even his brothers, is so hard to him.

When I want to push him to do more, but I am not sure I can handle the difficulties that might come with doing so.

There are so many times when I wish I could wave a magic wand so others could understand. This special needs mom life isn’t easy and can be so isolating. I have been hurt before and I hate feeling like I could be hurt again.

So to the other special needs moms out there…

I was also the mom that couldn’t find the right playgroup.

I was also the mom, and still am the mom, that isn’t sure how my child will handle another kid’s birthday party.

I am the mom that worries every day when he goes off to school, hoping and praying he has a good day.

While we have come so far with my son, we have so far to go. He will be bigger than me soon. He will start to look like a man. I worry about that.

How will we handle his first job? What if he wants to date? How will that go? And what about college?

All moms worry, we worry about everything, but us special needs moms might worry about things that others don’t think twice about.

So to the other special needs moms out there, I get it.

I know how hard to it to sign up for something like swim lessons, when you are not totally sure if the teacher will be able to handle your son.

I know that letting them go off to school is scary, and can be a fight, in order to make sure your kid is getting what they need.

I know that some days you just want to take your kids to an island, and allow them to just be themselves, no matter what that looks like.

So remember that you are not alone even if it feels like you are sometimes. You have a challenging kid, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make them less than. You have the ability to get through whatever current parenting challenge you are going through, and know that others have been through the same.

What is something that has really helped you as a special needs mom?

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Filed Under: Military Life Tagged With: motherhood, Special needs

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

February 9, 2018 by Julie

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

In January of 2012, after a few months of testing, our middle son was diagnosed with Autism. At the time he was given the diagnosis of Asperger’s which they have since stopped doing. If he were diagnosed today, he would have gotten the “high-functioning Autism” diagnosis.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With AutismThat day we found out what was going on with our son, and how we could help him. My biggest fear when we started the testing and doctor’s appointments was that they would come back and say they couldn’t see anything was wrong. Why? Because I knew something clearly was and I knew getting that diagnosis would help us understand how we could help our son.

At that time in our lives, we were not a stranger to special needs kids.

Our oldest son had been diagnosed with a developmental delay when he was three. We knew about speech and OT and special needs preschool. We were also pretty confident that our son would grow out of his delay, which he has. Autism is a different story.

You don’t grow out of Autism. Autism is something you have for your entire life. But that doesn’t mean that a person diagnosed with Autism can’t learn and grow as a person either. It simply means that Autism will be something they work through for the rest of their lives.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

We started ABA with our son right away, and that helped us be able to navigate through our son’s behaviors, set him up for school, and allowed us to get that extra help and support we needed to figure out this new normal for our lives.

Right now our son is 11 and will be starting middle school next fall. This completely freaks me out. I am not sure how things are going to go. We have an excellent team at the elementary school, many of them have worked with our son since he was five years old and started kindergarten. We already have a meeting scheduled at the middle school this spring, and I just have to have faith that everything will work out for him.

As I look back on the last six years or so, I can’t help but think about all we have been through.

And while we were working with our son, figuring out what is best for him, working with ABA and the schools, we were living this crazy military life too. My husband deployed again in 2013, and I think part of the reason that deployed shook me so much was that I knew I would be the solo parent carrying for my son, as well as his brothers. At the time, he was struggling a lot with school, and it was hard enough when my husband was home. This is just one of the many challenges a military spouse is going to have when they have a spouse in the military.

So, to the military spouse whose child has just been diagnosed with autism, I know how scared you might be. For months, maybe even years you may have been wondering what is going on with your son or daughter. You may have had to fight for your doctor to even take you seriously. You might feel lost not knowing how to truly help your child.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

And once you receive that diagnosis, you might be worried about how things are going to go in the future.

Everything you thought about parenting a child has been turned on its head. You thought you were getting on a plane to “Italy” and now you are in “Holland” and not sure how to make everything work. This is normal.

Don’t beat yourself up if it takes you or your spouse some time to fully accept the diagnosis. No one walks out of that doctor’s appointment knowing exactly what to do or what the diagnosis even means. That takes some time.

Before your child was diagnosed with autism, you might not have ever heard of the term EFMP (The Exceptional Family Member Program,) but now, that term is going to be a big part of your life when your spouse is in the military. EFMP is the program that is supposed to help your child get the services they need during your time in the military.

EFMP will make sure that you don’t get stationed somewhere without services for children with Autism.

While this can be a bit frustrating at times, especially when it comes to your spouse’s career in the military, EFMP is something you need to keep updated. Any military family who gets orders for an OCONUS location will also have to go through the EFMP screening too.

As you start to become more comfortable with Autism, you will start to notice something. One child with Autism is one child with Autism. It is called the Autism spectrum for a reason. Not everyone with that diagnosis is the same.

While there are traits that kids on the spectrum share, each kid on the spectrum can be different. My son had no issues with speech. While his older brother struggled, that wasn’t one of the things I worried about with him when he was a toddler and young preschooler.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

As you tell people about the diagnosis, you might get some interesting responses.

From people who are trying to help to people who are very uneducated about what having a child on the spectrum means. At some point, you might start to feel like everyone has an opinion about what you should do for your child. But here is the thing, you are the parent, you are the one that decides.

You are the one that has to make the choices. You are the one that lives with your son or daughter and any choice you have to make. So don’t be afraid to ignore lousy advice or to tell people you are doing what you think is best even though it is different from what they would do if they were in your shoes.

Find supportive friends and spend more time with them.

Over the years we have had friends that have opened my son and our family into their lives and understand that he struggles with certain things other kids don’t. During deployments, these friends were even more important. I didn’t have another parent in the house to help; their kindness helped me through those times when I didn’t think I could do it anymore.

As a military spouse, you know that sometimes your service member will have to deploy or be away from you for weeks or months at a time. A diagnosis of Autism isn’t going to keep them home. I know how hard this can be and how overwhelmed you can feel.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

Look for help. Look for respite. Find good child care providers that can help you.

Go to a church that gets it and wants to help instead of one that simply wants to shame your child. Reach out to family members who may be willing to stay with you for a while. Know that reaching out for extra help isn’t a weakness and will be your best bet in getting through all of this.

Know that you are not the only one with a special needs child in the military. There are so many of us out there, and we all want the same thing. We want to help our children, we want the best for them, and we want to figure out how to do all of that within the military system.

Here are some additional resources to help you as you navigate autism within your military world as well as a few military spouse bloggers that also have kids on the Autism spectrum:

Military Special Needs Network

Singing Through the Rain: Military Life & Special Needs

EFMP + Special Needs with the National Military Spouse Family Association

American Military Families Autism Support

Life Journey Through Autism: A Guide for Military Families

Military One Source 

Airing My Laundry

Autism Speaks

Advocating for ABA TRICARE Policy Change

Why Autism Awareness Matters

MilKids Education Consulting 

Do you have a child with autism too?

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Filed Under: Military Children, Military Life Tagged With: Autism, Military Family, military spouse, Special needs

When You Have Special Needs Kids With A Spouse In The Military

March 14, 2016 by Julie 2 Comments

Having special needs kids adds an extra level of stress and hardship to a family. It simply isn’t easy when you have kids that require a little bit more help than others. Add military life onto that and sometimes it can feel like too much.

When You Have Special Needs Kids With A Spouse In The Military

We didn’t know we had special needs kids when my husband joined the military in 2005. Our son was 13 months old and it wasn’t until he was about 2.5 year’s old that he was diagnosed as developmentally delayed. We were in Germany at the time and my husband was deployed.

Our 2nd little boy was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of five in 2012. We were at Ft. Campbell when this happened.

I am not sure what we would have done if we had known we would have two special needs kids during our time as a military family. Would we have decided it would have been too stressful? Would the benefits we knew we would receive cause us to join anyway? It’s so hard to say.

Over the years I have experienced what it is like to solo parent with special needs kids, to have to figure out who can watch my son when I don’t have family close by and how to make it through the unpredictability of this type of life with kids who don’t quite understand what is going on. It’s difficult and even though my husband is not active duty anymore, I am still trying to figure it all out.

When you do have special needs kids in the military, you need a good support system.

You will need people in your life you can call and depend on. Some days will be very difficult and knowing you have someone to call, even to just talk to is a must. If you don’t know anyone local, find someone you are close to that doesn’t mind a phone call every now and then. Just talking to someone who loves you and your children can help you get through a difficult period. Stay away from people who are just going to judge you. They are not worth your time and you shouldn’t spend too much energy worrying about what they are doing.

When you are married to someone in the military, there will be times that you have to be a solo parent, special needs or not.

It is so important that you take care of yourself during this time. Look and see what they have in your community or what you can do to help yourself. It might not be an easy thing to do and each person is going to have to figure it out but is so important. Even if it means taking a bubble bath after all the children are asleep, or binge watching a tv show or going to get coffee with a friend when everyone is at school. Find something to help you focus on yourself, even if it is just for ten minutes a day. You are a caregiver and all caregivers need breaks now and then.

You also need to make sure you are receiving the right benefits for your child. I was so thankful that when my son was first diagnosed with Asperger’s that we were able to start ABA therapy right away. This is a very expensive therapy but luckily Tricare paid for most of it. You need to be aware of changes with health care for your special needs child. They don’t always cover everything you need and sometimes you will have to fight for it. Sadly, some military benefits get taken away and that can hurt your special needs child.

Find other moms of special needs kids to connect with, either in person or online.

Being able to talk with others trying to raise their special needs kids in the military lifestyle is going to be good for you. You can vent together and help each other out. Some people know more than you do about the hurdles you might have to jump over in order to get what your child needs. EFMP, ABA, IEP, 504, etc, there are so many terms that are hard to understand. Talking to others who have been through it can help you understand more about the special needs military world and can become your support system.

Don’t let having special needs kids scare you if you are also a military spouse. Know that you are not alone and there is help out there for you. Know that you will have challenges but you can make it, one day at a time if you have to. Don’t forget about your own needs and find some good friends to support you.

Have you struggled having special needs children while having a spouse in the military? What have you done to make things easier for your family?

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Military Life, Special Needs Tagged With: military life, Special needs

What You Need To Know About IEP Meetings

August 25, 2015 by Julie Leave a Comment

What You Need To Know About IEP Meetings

Thank you so much to Meg from MilKids Education Consulanting for this wondering guest post all about IEPS! As a special needs mom I have been to a lot of these types of meetings and they can feel so scary. There is a lot to know about them and this post gives any special needs parent a good idea about what to expect.

The elusive IEP, or individualized education program, is a tough beast to pin down. It comes in so many different forms, with literally infinite varieties. It looks different every single time, understandably it is a challenging thing to fully grasp.

Luckily, you have an expert IEP tracker on hand to tackle all of your questions and concerns.

First things first: what in the goodness is an IEP. Basically, it is a plan to help students who fall into one or more of 13 specific disability categories. That disability or disabilities also has to adversely affect that student’s academic progress. This plan specifies what kinds of services, like OT, PT or speech, the student qualifies for and what kind of academic program would be best.

The academic program explains where the student will be taught certain subjects: in the regular class with or without modifications, in the regular class with an aide, or in a separate smaller group with a special education teacher. A student could receive instruction in any or all of these places.

So, now that that’s out of the way. Let’s get to the nitty gritty, from a teacher’s point of view.

I want to help your child. I want to help him get the broadest, best education possible. But that education is different for every single kid. Might some kids go to Ivy League colleges and be elected president after receiving special education services? Sure. Might other kids have the goal of learning to dress themselves or use the bathroom appropriately? You bet. Most students in the special education system will fall somewhere in the middle.

Part of the process of special education is getting real with yourself and your expectations for your child. This will be hard. I understand. We all want our kiddos to achieve at the highest level, graduate from college, get married, have an awesome job, and raise a family. Unfortunately, for many severely disabled children this might not always be possible. It is a challenge to let go of those dreams, and create new ones. I once had a parent of a severely autistic student, who needed help bathrooming in the third grade and was working below a first grade level, ask me if I thought he might be a good candidate for a college that specialized in educating students with specific learning disabilities. That kind of disconnect between what your child is actually doing and capable of, and what you wish they were able to do, is extremely dangerous mentally, emotionally, and to your role as a parent.

Once we are all on the same page in terms of the child’s ability and reasonable expectations, we can proceed to the discussion of services, modifications, and accommodations. Let me be clear, these services are not intended to fix your child or to magically make your child excel at something that is currently hard. They are designed to help your child grow, to achieve at her highest level possible. This won’t happen overnight, or maybe ever. An accommodation or modification doesn’t mean the work is easier or graded differently. It means that the work has been adjusted to best meet your child at her educational ability right now.

One of the big things that we hear in IEP meetings is homework. Homework does not stop because of an IEP. It might be shortened. It might be different than the rest of his peers. It might even happen every other night. But there will be homework as determined by the teaching team, in consult with the special service providers.

The other thing we hear a lot is about specifics. Lots of IEPs are worded vaguely. They have to be. Teachers need to be able to adjust education tactics mid-year, while still progressing toward a specific goal. For example: Using a teacher created tool to monitor work progress, Johnny will complete 75% of his assignments in a given grading period on time. The quantitative part at the end is pretty specific: 75% of assignments must be on time.

The teacher created tool is where a lot of people get hung up. Many parents, and teacher, want a specific tool to be written down. Like this: Using a work assignment checklist (see attached), Johnny will complete 75% of his assignments in a given grading period on time. But this way would be a disservice to the child and the teacher. Let’s say that right now, X method is working to get Johnny to finish his work. But in a month, he’s no longer responding to this. If it is written into the IEP, it cannot change.

Let me repeat: IF IT IS WRITTEN INTO THE IEP, IT CANNOT CHANGE.

Not without a meeting to discuss new findings, rewrite that particular goal, and assess how other goals might be affected. That’s a lot of hassle over wording. In other words, let the teachers have the freedom of flexibility to change the program while still meeting the goal.

Let’s look at it this way: what if you had to create a nutrition plan that would last you all year. In order to change that plan, you needed to convene a meeting with your doctor, nutritionist, personal trainer, and the head of your doctor’s practice. In September, you really like mangoes. So you wrote them specifically into your plan: will eat 3 mangoes each day. But in December, you got really sick of them. If they are written into your food plan, you must eat them. How much better would it have been if you wrote: will eat 5-6 fruits or veggies each day. Now, you are working toward the same goal (eating healthy fruits and veggies) while still allowing yourself to be flexible in what you are consuming.

Once everyone agrees on everything, or agrees enough that the document can be signed, the meeting is over and the IEP is “live.” That means from this day until one calendar year from now, this is the IEP that rules the roost. It dictates everything about your child’s day in school: who he sees for the core subjects, what special services he is receiving and how often he gets these services, testing modifications or accommodations, and his academic placement (inclusion, general education, or substantially separate).

Now, you need to monitor to make sure that all of these things are happening correctly all of the time. Might a few slips happen? Of course! Teacher are, believe it or not, human. We get sick, have a meeting that can’t be rescheduled, or need to swap a schedule around sometimes. But if your child’s services are being provided correctly the majority of the time, that’s great!

As a parent, monitoring what is going on with your kid in school is super important.

You need to know. Here’s the dirty secret schools won’t tell you: they are routinely understaffed or staffed to just meet the needs of their kids.

Paraprofessionals have ultra tight schedules. They work with Child 5 from X-Y, then move to classroom 123 from Y-Z. They rarely get breaks, they juggle different grades, different children, different schedules. I know. I did this. It is hard. And they are paid unbelievably poorly. Schools hire just enough to cover the students that absolutely MUST have an aide, with very little wiggle room.

Special service providers, like PT, OT, and Speech, also have very tight schedules. They must see a large caseload of children with all different disabilities over the course of a 40 hours week. All of the children have a different number of hours that must be provided, and many see more than one specialist. It is common to see OT and PT on many IEPs since they often teach similar skills. In addition to all of that time, students must still receive core instruction, go to their PE and arts teachers, and eat lunch.

Schools do not hire extra PTs, OTs, SLPs, or paras. They hire just enough to meet their needs based on the data from the prior year and the students who enroll over the summer. What does this mean for you? Scary things.

Let’s say that your child has previously been able to keep up with the work, but this year is completely unable to do so. He’s in a class without a para or a co-teacher. Even if the special education teacher and the general education teacher agree that this is a child who would benefit from an aide, he probably won’t be getting one.

If at any point you feel that your child’s needs aren’t being met, or the learning environment is no longer appropriate, you can request a meeting to discuss outplacement. Outplacement is when the school district pays for your child to be educated in a private school that specializes in what your child needs. This happens ONLY when the least restrictive placement cannot be provided by the school system. Sometimes, schools might bring this up, especially if a child is a danger to himself or others on a very regular basis. The most important thing to remember is that a school cannot place your child anywhere without your consent, and your consent may be withdrawn at any time.

So, after all of that, I hope that IEPs are somewhat more clear. There are a lot of parts to the federal and state laws that govern special education. There are exceptions and loopholes, and there are many, many pages of forms that are required to be filled out and steps to be followed before we arrive at a completed IEP.

Even with all of that, it is worth it. It is worth the fight by parents and teachers of children to ensure that each and every child is getting the education he or she richly deserves.

Meg FlanaganMeg Flanagan is a special and elementary education teacher who holds an M.Ed in special education and a BS in elementary education. In addition to classroom experience, she has also worked in private tutoring and home schools. Meg is passionate about education advocacy for all children, but especially for children with special needs and children of military and state department personnel. You can find Meg online at MilKids Education Consulting, as well as on Facebook and Twitter.

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Filed Under: Special Needs Tagged With: military children, Special needs

Back To School With Special Needs

August 5, 2015 by Julie 2 Comments

Back To School With Special Needs

Back To School With Special Needs

Summer is almost over for us. The boys go back to school next week. My son with Asperger’s is going to start 3rd grade! I find that a little hard to believe. It seems like we were just getting ready for him to start kindergarten. What a nervous mom I was that summer. We were working with our ABA therapists to get him ready for school. He had been in preschool but kindergarten was something else. We were able to get a schedule of what his school day would like ahead of time and went over it with him.

He started school and that year was challenging. He started 1st grade and that was another challenging year. The summer before 1st and 2nd he really matured a lot. He was not the same kid when he went back to school. 2nd grade was a lot better but still had its challenges. We went from having to worry about him acting out to worrying about getting him to do his work. That was a big change because it involved two different things. He was not acting out as much which was great but he was refusing to do some of his work. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it, but he is a bit of a perfectionist, so if he didn’t feel like he was doing it 100%, he would freak out and not want to do it at all.

We are working with a good team at his school. A few of them have known my son since he started at the school. It is one reason we are still in Tennessee. I worry that when we move, we will have to start over a bit and that scares me. Right now it is working and I don’t want to mess with that at the moment. Although I do know that there are plenty of resources for kids with Autism where we are planning to move to.

As we get ready for third grade I am feeling pretty positive about it. I have seen him mature a bit over the summer. He is no longer acting out just because someone does something he doesn’t like. He still does this sometimes but not like he did. I can tell he is really working on that. He is being more helpful around the house too. Things just seem a little more calm which is good.

So as we look into starting third grade with Asperger’s, I am excited about the year. However, I know there will still be challenges. He might not want to do all his work, and we will have to find a way to make sure he does and starts to understand that he needs to get it done. He might not get along with everyone in his class. He might wake up one morning and decide he does not want to go to school that day. I am trying to prepare myself for however the year is going to go.

Having a child with Asperger’s is challenging in so many ways. But we just have to work through them. I am glad I have a good team of people we are working with to help my son have a good year. It will be challenging at times, we will have a lot of IEP meetings and there will be a lot of tears on my part I am sure. But it will all be worth it so that my son can get a good education and can learn about how to do well in school.

Do you have a special needs child getting ready to go back to school? What are your biggest fears about it?

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Filed Under: Asperger's, Special Needs Tagged With: asperger's, Special needs

How I Am Helping My Son With Asperger’s Through Summer

June 4, 2015 by Julie Leave a Comment

Asperger's

Having a child with Asperger’s means summer can be quite a challenge. There will not be school and a regular routine so you have to make one. There are a lot of activities for kids but they might not be right for your child. It can be difficult to decide what to do.

I have come up with a few things to help this summer. My son is eight and if I let him he would spend the entire summer playing video games. I have to really try hard to get him interested in other things.

1) Pool time. He told me he loves the pool. So that was part of my reason for getting a pool pass this year. We can go whenever and stay for however long and it is fine. We can go almost everyday. He will also do swim lessons in July.

2) Daily chore. I require my boys to do a daily chore during the summer before they can play any video games. This works really well for my son with Asperger’s and he is usually the only one of my three to ask about the chore vs me telling him. I base the chores on what needs to be done around the house. Does the living room need to be picked up? Can you help me with the dishes?

3) Snacks. My son is a very picky eater and I learned that I need to make sure I have a snack for him that he will eat. While my other two will pretty much gobble anything down that I pack I have to make sure to include something he will actually eat. If I don’t, he gets a little grumpy. Not full on meltdown mode but still. It just makes things easier. I pack snacks and drinks every morning so we always have something on hand when we go places.

4) Days at home. This is a hard one. He craves a full day at home when he doesn’t have one for a while. I get it, I really do. I somtimes need that downtime as well. I am trying to balance that one out with daily activities outside of the house. I think my plan is to stay home on some days when we don’t have plans and the weather is bad. This will help him and help me handle him a little better.

5) Listening. As you probably know, when someone has Asperger’s, they tend to talk about what they are into all of the time. I am really trying to listen to my son this summer because he gets really excited about certain things and I want him to know that I care. It’s hard sometimes because I am not always interested in what he is interested in but I am trying my best to listen and hear what he has to say. I also ask him how he is feeling about the week. It gives me a good idea of how he is doing and what type of mood he is in depending on the types of activities we did.

What about you? Do you have a special needs child home for the summer? What are you doing to help them during their time off from school?

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Filed Under: Special Needs Tagged With: asperger's, Special needs

When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

May 18, 2015 by Julie 2 Comments

When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

 

When You See A Child Throwing A Fit

The other day there was a video being posted online about a boy throwing a tantrum in the car. Although I thought it was a little odd that they were filming and not pulling the car over, I felt sympathy for the kind of fit the kid was having.

It was the kind of fit I am familiar with.

It was just like an autistic fit.

Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the kid had no behavioral issues and was just acting like that to get his way. But maybe not.

But the thing that really struck me was the comments people were making about the kid. About if he were their son his “butt would be beat” or how their own child never would have been allowed to act that way. It gave me insight into what people could be thinking if I was out in public when my son was having a similar fit.

But it also made me feel like people just don’t get it. That they don’t understand what it is like to have a child like that.

I know for me that anytime I am anywhere and see a child with a similar fit my thoughts immediately think there is some type of special needs going on. That is based on my own experiences and what I have had to deal with.

I know that others don’t think that way and have their own opinions about the subject.

As a special needs mom I have learned to ignore a lot about what people say concerning my child. There is ignorance out there and there is acceptance. I try to surround myself with people who get it and who are not going to judge.

I really do wish that instead of assuming a child needs harsher discipline that people would take a step back and remember that most moms are doing their best and there are certain issues that some children have that cause them to act in certain ways.

That although it might not seem like it, that child could be improving. That they used to throw 5 fits a day and now they are down to 3.

That the mom was up all night because the same child doesn’t sleep and gave in when she really probably shouldn’t have. Because that happens sometimes.

That the day was going really well until something small set the child off and their parents are still learning how to handle what is happening to their son.

That the parents are still trying to wrap their minds around a diagnosis that they never saw coming.

That the fit you see is not quite as loud and harsh as it used to be and that the parents are thankful for that.

That the parents are working with professionals about how to figure out what to do next with their child.

There are so many reasons why that child is throwing a fit at the moment. You just never know what someone else could be dealing with. Give them the benefit of the doubt, offer help if it makes sense to and just be a bigger person then one that assumes they know what is best for someone else’s child.

All of us special needs moms will with thank you for it.

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Filed Under: Motherhood, Special Needs Tagged With: motherhood, Special needs

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