Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

surviving a deployment

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

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25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

One of the most popular topics that come up in military spouse circles is if you should go home for a deployment or stay where you are. There are a lot of different opinions on this issue from those who go home even before their spouse leaves to others who wouldn’t even go home to visit.

You need to figure out if going home for a deployment is right for you or if staying where you are is the better choice. In case you are trying to decide, here are 25 reasons to not go home for a deployment:

  • Because you love your home

When you love your own home, why would you want to leave it for an extended period of time?

  • Because you want to be around other military spouses

Going through a deployment with other military spouses can be a very good thing. You guys can support each other.

  • Because your kids are in school

When you kids start school, it is a lot harder to pull them out to move somewhere new. You want them to stay put.

  • Because your kids are involved in the community

Whether they like to play sports or are involved in local art groups, your kids might be really involved in your local community. Moving them when you don’t have to can be a big loss.

  • Because you would lose your house

In a lot of cases, if you move home for the deployment, you could lose your home. It’s possible that you can easily get a new home when you get back but you will still have to worry about moving your stuff out when you leave.

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

  • Because you don’t have a good place to stay back at home

If you don’t have a good place to stay back home, going back doesn’t make sense.

  • Because home is now where you live, not where your family is

When I say home, you might think where you live now, not where your family is.

  • Because you want to be involved in the FRG

The FRG can be a lifesaver during a deployment. You might be someone who wants to be involved in that. Leaving would make doing so a lot harder.

  • Because you like where you are stationed

If you like where you are stationed, you won’t want to leave.

  • Because you want to explore where you live now

During the deployment is the perfect time to explore where you live. Then you can bring your spouse to your favorite places after they get back.

  • Because your best friends live at your duty station

If you have best friends at your duty station, leaving them would make things harder, not easier.

  • Because your spouse would like you to stay

In some cases, your spouse might prefer you stay put. This is something to discuss and talk about so you can come up with the right decision for your family.

  • Because you want to be there in case they come home early

Sometimes deployments do get cut short and in that case, it can be hard to move back to your duty station in enough time. Staying put can avoid that.

  • Because you have a job

If you have a job, you will want to stay where you are and work on your career.

  • Because you are in school

School is important too. And moving home can complicate your educational schedule.

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

  • Because you have 100 house projects you want to work on when they are gone

Working on projects is one way to stay busy during a deployment. If you have projects you want to work on, stay in your own home and get them done.

  • Because you have pets

Uprooting pets isn’t the easiest thing in the world, and then you have to find a place where all of your can live.

  • Because you don’t get along with your family

Why would you want to move in with people you really don’t get along with?

  • Because you know you won’t get any support back home

If you don’t have a support system, the deployment is going to be a lot more difficult. You need that deployment support.

  • Because you have a good babysitter where you are now

Good babysitters are amazing. If you have one in your area, hang on to them and never let them go.

  • Because you feel safe where you are now

Feeling safe during a deployment is important.

  • Because you like living in a military community

Being in the military community can be what you need during a deployment. There is so much to gain from being in one.

  • Because you feel like you would go back a few years staying with your family for an extended period of time

Sometimes going back home makes you feel 17 again. If this is the case, going home for a deployment won’t be ideal.

  • Because you can always visit and don’t see the need to move

You can always visit home, maybe for a weekend or even a few weeks. You don’t have to completely move in to experience the benefits of spending some time with your family.

  • Because you simply don’t have to desire to spend the deployment anywhere but the home you and your spouse have created

At the end of the day, there are people that want to go home and others who don’t. Use this list as well as my list of 25 reasons to go home for a deployment to figure out what will work for you and your family.

What have you done during your deployments?

Marriage During a Deployment

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Marriage During a Deployment

We just celebrated our 14th anniversary this past week. In those 14 years we have gone through 4 deployments and have spent a lot of time apart. More time than I ever thought we would or would have wanted for us. Our deployments were all different. The first, in 2006-2007 was about 15 months long. The second one was in 2008-2009 and was a year. Then in 2011 he was gone for 5 months. In 2013 he was gone for 6 months. These deployments have all been challenging in their own ways.

Marriage During a Deployment

Marriage during a Deployment can be one of the most difficult things you will go through as a couple. Deployments can make or break a marriage. Some say that marriages that break up after deployments were just not strong enough in the first place. There are a lot of factors that go into while a couple doesn’t make it. Hardships that couples go through can be a big factor. Deployments can be one of those hardships.

Going Through a Deployment is a Hardship

Knowing that the deployment is going to be a hardship on your marriage is important. That way you won’t be surprised when things get hard. You might not be able to talk to your spouse as often as you would like. You might feel like you never have time to be a couple while he is overseas. It might feel like this is how things will always be. This can be exhausting and it might feel too overwhelming to work on your marriage when they are gone. It is very important that you do celebrate your marriage during a deployment even when it is hard to do so.

Deployments Will Change You

Remember that a deployment will change you as well as your spouse. You will grow as a person. You will learn new skills. When they get home, it will take time to get to know each other again. You have been living apart, you have not had each other like you did before. It’s important that you work together to get through these changes and recognize them. I always get a little more independent when my husband is away. When he gets home it can be challenging to have someone else making decisions in the household too. I had been so used to making them all myself.

You Will Feel “Unmarried”

I always felt “unmarried” when my husband was gone for long periods of time. I didn’t feel married even though I knew I had a husband. I didn’t have someone to come home to each night and I slept alone. I was the only one taking care of the children. At the same time I never felt single. I didn’t feel like I was all alone and I knew that I had a spouse out there that loved me. Feeling “unmarried” is weird and it can be a frustrating way to feel. You might get jealous when you see other couples. You might get angry that your spouse has to be away from you and others don’t have to go through that.

You Will Worry About After They Come Home

As the deployment moves along you will start to get more and more excited about the homecoming. At the same time you might start to worry about what life will be like after they come home. You might have worries about PTSD, you know some service members struggle with it. You might worry about how things are going to be after so much time apart. You may have been pregnant when they left and now you have a baby and worry that it will be hard for your husband to adjust to parenthood since you did it months before.

Marriage during a deployment looks weird. You might feel like your husband lives in your phone or that you are alone in the world, at least temporarily. Remember everything the two of you have been through. Remember when you fell in love and all the memories you have had. Try to be patient with them as well as the way the military is. Try to remember that they might not be the same person they were when they come home and that after the homecoming, life can still be stressful as you get used to each other again.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have been through a deployment before or if you are going through one right now.

 

When He is Away

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When he Is Away For Deployment

When he is away, I have fewer clothes to clean.  I have less food to make.  Less food to buy.  I can do whatever I choose to do and don’t have to run it by another adult.

When he is away I can watch what I want to watch on the tv.  I can eat all the ice cream myself and don’t have to fill up the gas tank as often.

When he is away, I miss my best friend.  I miss sharing a meal.  I miss seeing him drink his nasty beer.  I miss asking another adult his opinion.

When he is away I miss his commentary while watching silly shows.  I miss driving around with him and going to fun places as a family.

When he is away I am the solo parent. I wake the children up, make sure they are fed and taken care of. I am the one that puts them to bed, alone. I take them where they need to go and check their homework. I am mom and dad and have a lot of roles to fill that were made for more than one person. When he is away I cry more and smile less. That’s the reality.

When he is away I can come up with things that make me feel better about it all but I miss him all the same.  Such is life as a military wife.  As I look at the years ahead and know they will be filled with separations I try to remember those times when he is with us and life does seem a little more normal.   I will cherish those times and keep those memories with me always as I know how hard time away can be.

I know that life will not always be this way. Someday he will always be home with us and I hope that when that day comes I will remember the days when he was away and never take him for granted.